01x11 - Episode 11

[bunniefuu]

Uh oh, now what?Hey, watch it slobber,

here it comes!

Hey, I warned you, fella! Is that

great?I haven't seen these films

in years. This is great.

Hey, come on, make it up, fellas. What is

this?It's like I picked up the wrong

reels. Who wants to slobber

over the same old stag films, year after

year after year, my gosh. Besides poor

old Sal, last night of freedom.

He doesn't want to be looking at a bunch

of escapades he will never be a party to

again. This

is better. Give him a little preview of

what what he's got to look forward to.

This is more appropriate.

Watch this. Now this this is the the

first time I ever fed Elliott. Now watch

this. Super Chief, Super Chief.

Do you believe that?Look at

the arm on that kid! Can he

weigh those vegetables?Can he...

Hey... Where'd everybody go?

Hi. HiGive me a second,

okay?

Oh, um, uh, Slot Maxwell, Vic?

Nice to meet you, sir. Don't get up.

What are you doing here?I had to drop

these off anyway. What?Home

movies. Evidently I

picked up the wrong ones. Yeah, I know.

We discovered that last Christmas. Have

you spoken to Elliot lately?Yes, talked

to him about two weeks. Um..

actually... oh, I don't

know, honey. Kid's grown up now, you know

I don't even think his old man's checking

up on him all the time How is he anyway?

He's fine He's been writing

Vic, do you want to take a break?Sure

Everyone want some hot coffee or anything?

Yeah, thanks Do you?No,

thanks

I think he might be very good

Elliot Oh, good

So what's he writing?Sports

sports yeah

anyway I've been reading his stuff and oh

what do I know I he wants an

expert opinion I thought you said he was

good well I don't have any perspective

he's my kid my kid too last I heard

you tend to be more objective than I am

what do you hate more than anything in

the world salad

bad writing

so I thoughtJust in

case I'm wrong and

he's awful, I want you to be gentle

with him. I mean, tell him the truth.

I know it's too important not to, but...

Why do you do that?Why do you always do

that?Who are you protecting him from?

Hi, guys! How are you?

I'm great! How you doing?I was just on my

way to work and figured I'd stop by and

see how the new piece is going. Boy, it's

really coming together. I see what you're

saying about the kinetic influence.

Spaccione especially. But without being

derivative, what do you think, Pop?I was

always partial to those those little

pummel guys. So what are you doing here

together?You two have some good

news for me. Oh, no, no

I'm this seasoned. Yeah, I know when

something's over, it's over. No matter

how much you might wish and hope.

Although I guess it's a pretty natural

fantasy, especially when the breakdown in

the family is caused by abandonment by

the child's same-sex parents. So I guess

mom told you about my writing, huhDid you

tell me anything about writing?

I think I may have mentioned something in

passing. Would you mind taking a look at

it?I want you to be honest with me,

though. Don't think you have to pull any

punches off. Listen, I never coddled you

before. In fact, remember when you were a

kid and we used to practice for Little

League and I'd brush you back with those

curveballs?You know, I used to have

dreams about those curveballs. Some

whistling by my chin, bouncing off my

shoulders, you throwing like a windmill,

me hitting the dirt. Boy, those were

great days. Yeah.

Oh, listen, I've got a I've got to get

back to the office. It's getting late,

okay?I better get back there before

it gets later. So I'll tell you what I'll

do here. I'll read this prompto and I'll

just get back to you, okay?Thanks, pop.

Bye, honey. Okay. Bye-bye. All right,

bye-bye. Take it easy now, okay?We'll

see. Just

like old times, huhSomething

I can do for you?It's

just not the same around here without

her, is it?It's not

just the hole punching or the coffee it's

it's not just the paper supplies or the

staples it's in the air it's different

It's not the perfume either. That's still

there if you smell real close. It's It's

the feeling. It's the way everything

would just sort of whoosh when she walked

into the room. Gosh, sir, I'm doing it

again. That's why she left in the first

place. I think I was making her

nervous. What the hell are you talking

about?Miss Ralston. I couldn't

help it. I'd suddenly find myself staring

at her or following her around as she

dropped off the memos and and then...

Last Tuesday. Right before she

left?Ohh

I told her her lipstick looked nice.

Nelson. I think that's what did it. You

get a chance to read that column I gave

you yet?Look at this. This damn machine

won't do anything but make 32 copies. The

postage meter won't budge. The decaf is

in the wrong pot. I'm not getting my

phone messages. I can't find my Rolodex.

This whole place is going to hell in a

shrimp boat. Right. Look, you get a

chance to read the column yet?And

I'll tell you something, when Judy gets

back, she ain't gonna waltz in here like

Bob's your uncle. She better look to her

lemons. I don't care how she flips the

midges. You get a chance to read that

column yet?Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fine.

What'd you find?Great. What'd you

like about it?The writing. Anything in

particular?Middle. The middle. One of the

best middles I've ever seen. The part

about the eight-foot jockey?Loved it. You

loved that?Okay, fine.

So I didn't have time to read it. I'm up

to my molars here. I sent it straight to

legal. They cleared it, so it must be

great. It's awful. Oh, come on. Even at

your worst. No, I didn't write it,

Nelson. Elliot wrote it.

I just wanted a second opinion. I knew in

my heart it was cow-cut. Kid writes like

you talk. You mean, Elliot's trying to be

a writer?I just can't believe a son of

mine could be so...

untalented Come on, slap That's the way

things go sometimes He's a nice kid, good

heart I mean as though he chopped up the

neighbors and then ate his own g*n Yeah,

I should probably count my blessings Hey,

can't control what happens to kids these

days I had a dream for Billy

Somehow, I always knew he'd make a great

osteopath, but Yeah, now now what does he

want to be A librarian

But it's okayLong as he's happy.

Yeah. Yeah, you're you're

right, Nelson. And it it

doesn't necessarily mean he's g*y. Why

would it mean he's g*y?No, I say it

doesn't. Necessarily.

Librarians are manly. Of course they are.

And you know what else?I feel a lot

better now having a chat with an old pal,

kind of setting things

straight, if you'll excuse

expression. I told her

her lipstick looked nice, and I think

that's why she left. I guess it made her

nervous or something. Hi, pup!

Oh, hey, son. Well, you keep

popping up around here, huhI'm sorry, I

guess I should have called first, but I

was just so anxious. Yeah?Anxious about

what?You know, the article?Ah, yes, yes,

yesyeah yeah

so how are things at the office oh pretty

good good yeah good great

advertising exciting huh

slogans those jingles those billboards I

don't know reaching out and touching

people you know I don't think a day goes

by that I don't think about those old

hypana ads you know what I do what

smile I don't know this has always

seemed pretty exciting to me this nah

No, this is a dying business here. Dying

and k*lling simultaneously. This just

eats away at the soul. I mean, here's a

perfect example for you right there. Hi,

Uncle Nelson. Not bad here.

How's Aunt Anita?Fine,

fine. How's Billy?I love him

anyway.

Where's my damn coffee cup?Now,

you see what I mean?Now, he used to

remind me of one of the Kennedys. I mean,

he was, you know, one chin, two good

eyes, hair, young, vital.

Now about the only time you ever see him

kind of lighten up is when there's a sale

at the prosthetic store. Now, this this

business just beats you alive. Yeah, it's

a challenge. Yeah. So did you get a

chance to look at that article?Yeah. I

knew it.

Dentist. Dentist appointment. Oh, okay,

I'll walk you to your car. Uh, okay. So

did you get a chance to look at that

article?Yes. How was it?Fine. Fine?

Great. Really?Yeah. What did you like

about it?The middle. Anybody

home?

Surprise! Whoa.

Hi. Oh, hi. I thought you were

Elliot. No. Well, good thing. The cake's

still rising, the artichokes are

unstuffed. you are a Marsha

Took with an E oh yeah

Elliot's friend friend like

a girlfriend well I guess so

well I hadn't heard about that well why

should you well I'm I'm the kid's dad oh

that's right I've seen a picture of you

well excuse me I have to baste yeah sure

uh Elliot should be home in a little

while was he expecting you no no not

reallysomeone taking a

trip here oh

in a way he's quitting his job what

so he can write oh

you didn't mention that well he decided

after he spoke to you you know if you

hadn't told him how good he is he'd still

be stuck in that job going to work every

day getting more and more trapped by the

idea of all that money well he's over

there cleaning out his desk now he really

is good isn't heWell, I I don't

know whether good is exactly the word.

Yeah, I know what you mean. And it's all

thanks to you. No, it isn't. Oh, yes, it

is. No, it isn't. I have been waiting so

long for him to get up the courage. I

tried to give it to him the way he did to

me. He's always been so supportive of my

cooking, even the squid fritters that

send everybody else racing to the

bathroom. we're gonna open a restaurant

someday really I'll cook and he'll write

the menus uh-huh nobody describes

Hollandaise the way he does well you've

seen how good he is yeah yes I I have

well did you always want to be a writer

well once I got over the notion of being

a shortstop then you know I I kicked

around doing a couple other things for a

while oh what made you finally figure it

out oh a girl I knew

no no wait not yet what just hold on a

minute

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Surprise! Right. Boy, it

sure is. What are you doing here, Pop?

Well, what, do I need an excuse to come

over and see my favorite son?Sit down, huh

No, you sure don't. And you couldn't have

picked a better day. Yeah. I was just

saying everything that happens to you

from here on out is all because of him.

Right. Matter of fact, you know

what she was saying there, I wanted to

talk to you about what I I told you today

about you know your article. You know I

was in such a darn rush that I I thought

I'd come over and kind of clarify you

know what I meant. Yeah. You know I told

you your your paper was good. Great.

You said it was great. Did I?Great. Yeah.

Well, you know, great. That's That's

ambiguous. But you know what I was

thinking maybe is if we could just maybe

look at it, you know, go over it piece by

piece. Maybe that'd be an easy way for me

to... Well, let's let's

just start right right here, like with

the... You did the typing, right?Oh,

yeah. It's fine. The typing is fine, the

letters, you know, lined up like this,

the margin, terrific. But then, now the

the main part here in the beginning, what

we call the lead-in,now that's that's

very important son and and that's where

you really want to you know grab them on

the other hand you kind of tease them a

little bit do you know what I mean oh I

know how important the lead in is believe

me yeah okay well so my

question would be then uh do you want to

tell them the whole story in

in that first sentence like that do you

want to do that sure yeah nothing wrong

with getting right to the point is it

yeah get right to the entreeto use a

food reference yeah right yeah yeah but

on the other hand you know some people

like to kind of whet their appetite with

those little those little c*ck

weenies yeah or those little miniature

quiches right well it's the same you get

the point anyway why don't we move on

let's take for instance the adjectives

you have here describing the the

baserunner the see the fast-moving

wing-footed rapidly rushing

swift son of Mercury now I I

don't know son do you think maybemaybe

that's too many adjectives for one

sentence well I had my doubts there but I

figured in order to be vivid I shouldn't

hold back he wrote that during a

thunderstorm

hmm yeah yeah I can believe that uh-huh

maybe I should have checked to see if

mercury really had kids Oh mercury had

kids well now there's a lesson right

there you see the the research thing

that's that's a good lesson for you good

point Pop and

I don't know I mean it's nothing specific

it's just um your overall style

oh gee you really think I

have a style oh

definitely yeah well

I guess that means I'm a writer

yeahyeah I

I guess that's what it means son you

you just keep up the good work all right

boy I'm and uh Marcia listen it

was really nice meeting you aren't you

staying for dinner oh no no no I I can't

I've I've gotta be on my way here but uh

thank thank you very much okay pop

listen hey wait I know it's not gonna be

that easy I know everybody out there

doesn't love me the way you do it I don't

want you to worry I'm gonna do it you're

gonna be proud of me

You hear that?That was my stomach

growling. I think maybe I will stay for

dinner. If it's okay. You sure it's all

right?Yeah. Great. I'll do it.

Boy, are you in for a treat. You know,

Marcia cooks almost as well as I write.

Well, I know my mouth's watering.

Why don't I remember any of that?It

must have been somewhere else.

Where?I don't know. I

never did. well

sweetheart I was your husband father of

your child

I think you could have kept at least a

few tabs on me

is that Nelson and Anita what are they

doing up there Elliot's birthday

they're his godparents I was his

parent and it seemed a little out of

line to you that two virtual strangers

get to be up there and and I don't

okayI give. I

thought I had it all figured out by now.

What's up?I just had dinner with my son.

Whom I have not seen for two and a

half months.

At his apartment, which I've never even

been in. With his

girlfriend, who was a

terrible cook, but seemingly

decent person, who I didn't even know.

existed he's been going with her for a

year

how how did that happen he's an adult

now quote-unquote he's got his own life

which you are certainly in always have

been there you are right there clapping

his little hands why is that

I was there and I wasn't

so what happened tonight what were you

doing over thereWell, I was just

telling him how good his article

is. Is it?No.

Oh, slap. You said be

gentle with him. But not to lie, for

God's sake. Well, isn't that the way

it's done?Protect him, catch him,

tell him his pop meant to be at his

birthday party but had to go to a big

meeting?

and you took him out to the circus then

you bought him a wagon you bought him a

bicycle signed my name to the card

now you were too easy with me

I should have been there I wasn't

thinking about you someone had to

miss out wasn't going to be him I made a

choice so did you

why did you have to lie to him it's too

important what's he going to do now I

don't knowquit his job

probably fall flat on his face

God how am I going to fix this one?it's

already fixed by

you he heard what

he wanted to hear

at least he won't be fifty looking back

on things he didn't do things he didn't

even try to do I was just giving

himback a chance that someone once

gave to me. Who?

The girl I knew.

You weren't always somewhere else.

Sometimes you were even taking those

movies. Sometimes you were even in them.

You think he'll be okay?

Well, this was fun. We'll have to do it

again sometime. Yeah. I better go

home. Unless you want me to

spend the night. Okay.

Just thought I'd ask.

Is it okay?

Are you out of your mind?Probably.

Or maybe I'm just nostalgic or curious.

Maybe I just want to see what you do. How

about cartwheels?I'd

like to see that. Don't mean

literally. back is not

what it used to be well I'm

not quite the gymnast I once was

I uh get winded a lot faster

my left knee cracks an awful sound

sounds good to me

What was that?I left the knee. I warned

you.