02x08 - A Girl and a Ghoul/A Little Bit of Pugsley/Ask Granny

[bunniefuu]

They're creepy and they're kooky,

mysterious and spooky. They're all

together with The Addams Family.

Their house is a museum where people come

to see 'em. They really are a street,

The Addams Family.

Neat. Sweet.

Proteet. So get a witch's shawl on,

a broomstick you can crawl on. We're

gonna pay a crawl on, The Addams

Family.

They're creepy and they're creepy,

mysterious and spooky. They're all

together rookie, The Addams

Family.

We now return with The Addams Family.

Ohh Look out below! Coming

in for landing!

Uh, Tish, our weekly excursions to the

grocery store are so invigorating. Indeed

they are, Gomez, darling. I just wish

that their produce wasn't so fresh. True,

but it's nothing a couple of days under

Fester's mattress won't cure. Uh, yes.

It always does wonders for Uncle Rancid.

Mother, Father, did you purchase the

graveyard Gary cards I requested?Of

course, my little worm food. Thank

you, my most loved kinship.

I do believe the lass is enchanted with

this graveyard Gary Chap Tisch. Imagine

that our daughter smitten by some

verminous lowlife who mulls around

cemeteries. Oh, Gomez, he

sounds so much like you. Well,

Caramita, I was a real charmer in my

younger days.

Uh, Marie. Is not Graveyard Gary the

most upstanding of male examples?

Marie. Marie. Odd. It's not

like her to wander off.

Pugsley. What's wrong, sis?

Have you seen Marie?Yeah. She looked like

her back was itching, so I was scratching

it. How sweet. She's welting

up with joy. I heard you got some new

Graveyard Gary cards. Uh, tis true.

Oh, boy. Cool. I didn't know he was

mauled by wild dogs. And while reciting

poetry, no less. You really like this

guy, don't you, sis?Oh,

Huxley, I know not where to start. He's

the perfect man. Those bloodshot eyes.

That sinister sneer. The red hot

poker he uses with authority. That too.

And if I win the big contest, I will be

meeting him soon. Huh

Harken, brother. Tis time for the

Graveyard Gary show. Works for me.

Many thanks for the use of your

television thing.

Today I've composed a poem to announce

the winner of our Spend a Day with

Graveyard Gary contest.

Speak, fair Gary. Your

compositions uplift us.

Across the vast graveyard with pine down

below. I've passed away once, but there's

another place to go. She has her

own graveyard, or so she does say.

Her last name is Adams,

her first name Wednesday.

You. That's right. This

Friday I'll be appearing at Wednesday's

home or. At the

graveyard of her choice.

Whoa. Congratulations, sis. Are you

excited?Yes, yes, yes,

yesHe's coming, Lurch. He's coming.

Behold. Oh, good news, Fester,

darling. You're starting to get sunburned

already. Uh, this will take

forever.

There's nothing like a shot of

spontaneous combustion to make a man

feel like a man.

Mother, I won the contest. Graveyard

Gary is coming here. That's

wonderful, dear. That's wonderful, my

little dissector. At last, a

rendezvous with the only man I can really

admire. What about your father,

Wednesday?Don't you admire him?Isn't it

his proud Adam's blood that flows through

your veins?Well, it wasn't until Fester

and I embalmed her last month. I am well

aware of that. But Father is only my

father. Graveyard Gary is a

real ghoul.

It's not like Wednesday to say something

like that about you. Don't worry, Tish.

She's just taking a shine to Graveyard

Gary. Speaking of shine, would you two

mind polishing my head?Of course,

Uncle Fester. No, no, no, not yet.

Why not, Fester?Because Lurch has got to

sand me down first.

Oh, happy day. How

sweet. I just hope Lurch doesn't go

overboard like he did last time. True.

It took almost a week to find the frog

that carried Fester's brain away. Shine

that shine!

I'm just

teasing. Umm There. Doesn't that look

better, dear?Carried.

Art flows freely through your veins,

along with those radioactive isotopes

Lurch sprinkled on our salad last time.

Is he here?Is he here?

No, dear. It's just your uncle attending

to a few open wounds. I

didn't know Thester was wounded. He

wasn't until about 5 minutes ago. That's

it.

What if it's him, Lurch?What if he's here?

What do we do,What do we do?

Answer the door. An

excellent idea.

Is is this the Adams residence?

That it is, my friend. I'm Gomez Adams.

How about an official Adams welcome?

Well, I am. Darling, I believe

Gary is here to see someone else.

Oh, right, Tish. Graveyard Gary, I'd

like you to meet our lovely daughter

Wednesday. Oh, bitter, bitter

Wednesday. I am most

honored. As am I, Graveyard

Gary. Yeah. Oh, goody.

Are you really Graveyard Gary?

Yes. Great.

I've never blown myself up with a

celebrity before.

Lucky me. Lurch, dear, would you be kind

enough to sweep Fester outside so he can

blow around town for a while?Yes,

Mrs. Adam. Take

it easy, Adam. What seems to be the

problem, Gary, old haunt?What are you

trying to do to me?Pardon?

Graveyard, Gary, is just an act. OK,

pretend. Make believe. So lay off the

creepy stuff, OK?And

now, Wednesday, would you be so kind as

to show me around your house?

Of course, Gary. Which room would

you like to start with?t*rture chamber or

dungeon?Darling, Wednesday will be

heartbroken when she finds out that

graveyard Gary is only pretend. Uh,

don't worry, Tish. I'll make sure the

lass has a day she'll always remember.

And this fine Gary is our Addams

Family game room. Couldn't someone

get hurt in here?

If they're lucky.

We watch some of our favorite movies in

here.

Casket up, graveyard. I'll handle this.

Hurry, friend Gary. There are many other

things to see.

Your breath there, Wednesday, is like the

swamp around us.

Yes, tell me more.

Your white cadaverous flesh is.

Relax, Gary, old corpse. Cuber's just

having a little fun.

Welcome back, Gary. Was your serpent's

embrace a relaxing one?Your father

is a wild man. My

father, you come down here now.

Did you call my little eyesore?

Why are you trying to ruin my day with

Graveyard Gary?But Wimzie, I You're

just jealous. Leave us now,

Father. But you don't understand. He's

not. I I mean, he's a Father.

Oh, very well. No, no, me.

Relax, Gary. Luthor won't bite. But,

Father, that's Leon, the head that does

bite. Well, normally I enjoy

a good devouring, but I'll be back in a

flash.

ah That's it!

I've had enough. I'm leaving. You mean

you're not?No, I'm not. Graveyard Gary is

just an act. It's a fairy tale. He

doesn't exist. I... I

see. You people take this stuff too

seriously. I'm out of here. Goodbye.

Are you, uh, all right, Wednesday?

Father... This all happened because of

you, and I have only one thing to

say. Many thanks and much love.

You're not angry at me?No, Monsire.

For now, there is but only one man in my

life, and that is you.

And Daddy's little ghoul makes him a

happy man. Father, would you do one

more favor for me?Name it, my little

stomach sure. Would you join Leon,

Luthor, and me in a battle for our very

lives?Would I?Ha ha!

First one to get eaten alive wins!

Affirmative.

Now, back to the Addams Family.

Make it for me.

Incredible.

Lurch, darling, that was a wonderful new

dance you invented. It's called the

Rattlesnake Toxin Tumble, right, Lurch?

You know, Tish, it's great that we've all

invented dances that have become part of

our proud family tradition. How true,

darling. And look, Bing's invented

another one. Oh, goodness.

Bravo, Thing. What do you

call it?

Thing has christened his creation, the

Grape Soda Aftermath. Eureka. Father,

Mother, Thing has now originated



Congratulations, Thing dear.

That's more than any other atoms.

You've given us the Hanky Knock. You can

do it. And the salami slapping jiggle.

Now there's one that brings back some

fond memories. Brother,

I've been going over a list of our family

dances, and you're the only member of our

clan who hasn't invented one. Mom

and Dad, I'll hear you. I can't dance.

I could never dance. Don't say anything.

Got it. Why, dear brother, you think

moi, your most trusted sibling, would

reveal your innermost secret?Well,

yeah. In that case, far be it for

me to disappoint you, offspring bearers.

Your son, Pugsley, has yet to create his

own dance. You're kidding.

Why, thanks for telling us, Grungette.

Yeah, thanks, sis. Anytime,

mon sibling. Dear, why didn't you

tell us that you've never invented a

dance?Ohh Well, mom

and dad, I... I really

can't dance and and.. Nonsense!

There's no need to sell yourself short,

my boy. Right, Dad.

Besides, dear, I'm sure Thing would be

happy to help you.

Lucky me.

Forget it, Thing. I can't do that dance

either. I mean, you're just a hand. You

got it easy. You can practice all day and

no one will bother you. All you have to

do is. Hey,

OK, OK, What gives?All right,

Thing. What's the big idea?Grabbing me,

then pushing me in your box. And hey,

I'm the same size as you. What

happened?

What's going on?Hey, where are you

going?Wait up.

All right, thing. What'd you do to me?

HuhI've got

it!

Gangway!

Whoa! Wow, Thing, you get to hang

out in rat holes?Cool. Huh

Uh, Thing, are these rats your friends?

All right! Listen, Thing, I'm not

taking another step unless you fess up.

Dead end! Oh, this looks like...

Whoa! This is dead,

Thing! We're gonna crash!

Wow. Is this how you spend the day?

Oh, phew. No wonder you don't have any

extra meat on your knuckles. Being a

thing is not as easy as it looks.

HuhOh, hi, Snappy. How you doing?

He's hungry. What's he want to eat?

Great! Let's jam!

Hey, what gives, Big T?

I take that what I said. Never criticize

a hand till you walked a mile in his

glove. Still partners?

Hey, what's up with you?Yeah, it's

a web, so... Huh

Oh, well. You're the hand. Yeah. Blast

off. Whoa.

Coming down.

Cool. I'm me again.

Phew. Man, you're always twisting and

turning and dodging stuff. That must be

what makes you such a good dancer. I wish

I had all of your experience.

What do you mean I'm wrong?

Let's see.

Oh, yeah, I get it. You really

think this will work?

Way to go, bro. Get down,

thing.

That's it.

Wonderful, darling. Lear trolls! Rut

lead! Deer slide!

Ohh Yes!

Way to go!

Fantastic! Incredible!

Clutch and I always enjoy audience

participation. We thought Thing's dances

were good before, but I think he's met

his match. Thanks to you, Pugsley

dear. Me and Thing,

we're tight.

And now we return to The Addams Family.

And now it's time once again for the

show that answers the important questions

in your life. Ask Granny.

I said Ask

Granny. Whoops. Is it

Showtime already?Welcome to

Ask Granny. Let's get right to our first

letter. Thank you, Ping.

I said thank you,

Bang. Dear Granny,

I've tried everything, but my dog still

barks all the time. What should I do?

Well, dogs are nice, but if you really

want the perfect pet, get a 300

LB rat like I did. Not

only is he sweet, but he helps thin out

the cheese population too. And

he keeps those pesky cameramen from

hanging around after the show.

See, next week thing, our next

letter reads. Dear Granny,

I am a professional wrestler who

always loses and I want to win.

Help. Well, it's quite simple. Let

me demonstrate.

Introducing the next challenger, the

Masked Embomber.

Every wrestler has to have his own

special move. Watch this.

Now you know how I won the bell.

We'll be back after this brief message.

If you'd like to talk to Granny live,

call this number tonight. And if you'd

like to talk to Granny dead, call this

number now. And now we return to

Ask Granny. And

now back to Ask Granny.

Forget it, Granny. You've got about half

a loaf if you think I believe your advice

or predictions. Well, I predict an

unexpected surprise for you.

I'll believe that when I see it. Good.

Wow, that steals it. From

now on, when Granny speaks, Pester

listens.

Our last letter today says.

Dear Granny, I'm a shy, handsome

man who's had trouble finding the right

woman. Where is she?Oh,

that's an easy question. She's right

here, cutie.

Help! Come back. Granny has spoken.

Join us next week and every week for

another informative episode of... Ask

Grammy. Say,

Mr. Announcer, anyone ever tell you that

you're kind of cute too?No, no,

noPlease, Grammys, stay away. I want to

announce another day. No, I'm a family

man. No, no, make it.