01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

woo woo

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excuse me can I help you um can you tell

me if um if dog shite can be used as a

fertilizer or or indeed human shite um

and if so can I sell you

some the dog

though you're all

right and run says no we be it do by the

old milk

yours much H you I heard that what

though don't tell me pal when we walked

in here you said to your mate I don't

fancy you as much so that must mean that

you think that one of us is a dog so

come on then smart a*s who's the dog hey

hey kep mind liting up I was all they

joking man what are thinks people say

and take he's a prak No George cloney

who's the dog who's the howler who's the

ugly boot that you wouldn't touch me a

barge pole all right all right it's your

pal is

it me then no it's your

p a

drink today on Proverbs our proverb of

choice is it is better to give than to

receive let's see if we can prove this

Dr hambone I heard it was your birthday

so I thought I would give you this why

thank you Dr Flipside and I think you

should

receive this

now Dr Flipside would it better to give

the cake or to receive

it receiving is

rubbish therefore it is better to give

than to receive is true thus making it a

proverb proved goodbye

next week on proving Proverbs lecture

6A

curiosity k*lled the

cat tonight at 9: on BBC 1 a

hard-hitting documentary uncovers the

secret fear of all

men that's when I discovered the

lumps I was

devastated men talking about their

t*ts what we need is real impetus and I

believe a concerted Blue Sky session

will synergize our near future

realization and facilitate a solution

centered springboard for meta branding

into the pseudo subconscious of the A1

marketing strand

[Laughter]

hle but the going

that's some musical chest son your

grandpa brought it back from Singapore

it's beautiful isn't it would you like

to hear it

[Music]

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your grandpa was awfully fond of that

chess

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son oh I love

dogs okay recruits

this is day one of the dog handling

course and we're going to cover basic

commands however first up is the correct

way to hold the leash never place your

hand through the loop it should be held

in the pal like this now you do

it dog dead clever do you remember

Lassie come home oh what's that Lassie

woof oh somebody needs help woof woof oh

a boy stuck down the well woof help help

I'm stuck down a m woof woof oh thank

you Lassie you've saved my life

woof you

[Laughter]

out as inspiration for my next piece I

again delved into my private life

basically it's a bed sheet and uh and on

it the names of all the people I've ever

slept

with I didn't actually get his name

though the reason reflexology works so

well is that parts of the body work as

pressure outlets for other parts of the

body right for example if I touch your

feet here where does that turn oh that's

the bottom of my back

MH and here kind of around my shoulder

blades that's amazing yes well the body

houses an entire network of different

pressure

outlets and

here that's behind my

temples and what does this h ah that

hurts my eyes both of them yes if you if

you'd like to just roll over onto your

back for me

please

no what is this hurt my feet

this toes and we do this

[Laughter]

hurt that go up I'll take a

picture smile uh do you want to be in

the picture oh yeah cheers thanks mate

do you want me to take the photo oh

cheers do you not fancy been in the

photo ladies and gentlemen I repeat

£300 Sterling to anyone who can

survive three rounds with the

mighty M

Dog crazy

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h* me me yeah I'll have a go yes

[Applause]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

I'm not such a dummy dummy my dog see

dummy

F tonight at 11: how professionals make

love this week the shoe salesman is that

your size is that your size is that your

size is that your size is that your size

is that your size

cattle cattle do want to go for

lunch hey def

[Music]

want to tidy up and keep in shape you

need the harmonize two in

one it's a vacuum cleaner and a colonic

irrigation set

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combined for a clean

house and a trim

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figure simp simple easy

effective the dust bag empties into the

bin and the sh makes great plant

food and I don't have to worry about

piling on the

pounds harmonize two in one for the Hol

spr

[Music]

C interpretations of

dreams if you dream of a [ __ ] you will

Crick your

neck the whole incident was not I repeat

not of my doing I was heinously

possessed I was slipped to Mickey fin so

I was here Agnes here's your baby the ni

sweetheart Stout so I just got you a

triple Aftershock and lemonade and

thanks thanks says muggins here as if I

was been done a

favor I was

violated and as for my fateful rendition

of Band of Gold that night how's a woman

in my sensitive nature meant to deliver

a line like the memory of what love

could be if you were still here with me

when that b*stard was sitting less than

10t away from me slapping all that [ __ ]

cow okay so I ended up standing on a

table okay so I scaled a picture a 70

Shilling or the top of the pair of them

okay so in the Malle the karaoke machine

was shot cced Beyond repair but I'll

tell you this I did it again hi in the

words of the Great PF J

regrets After Shock plush anger equals

tragedy get what I'm

saying qxl

fkm we're Gavin Hy the Bonkers qxl FK FM

crew here with the weather and traffic

mad what with the Mad traffic drivers

keep your eyes on the road but why not

give us a honk yeah mad like this hell

you we bunkers Honker if you went and go

and got yourself a mad bunkers honking

horn I'm mad am I so all you Honkers go

Bonkers here get a shot no you're

Bonkers I may be Bonkers but at least

I'm not honking that's Bonkers that is M

that's the traffic in weather well the

weather's Fine By the way

Bonkers I I will of course do the chring

for you Mrs mckinstry but are you sure

that poah Haus is an appropriate name

for a child well it was good enough for

poker haunters this morning there was it

yes but they lived in Canada and where

Native

Indians we've had this argument before

look at the last time I tried to get you

CHR mother WIS oh yeah and how are

mowley and the Little Mermaid

mck fine I mowgly just uh start at

school last Friday and we The Little

Mermaids learning to

swim Mrs mckinstry before you go ahead

with this I do think you should discuss

the matter with your husband what H Balo

are you kiding me on it doesn't matter

then we poah Huns can just grow up a

pagan Julie dear is this your ball or

mine

for goodness sake what are you

doing I'm sorry I I mustre the

[Laughter]

signals Mr masteron explain to me again

how you and your regiment saw off your

attackers Miss La do you not tired of

sweaty men locked in Mortal Combat under

the hot African sun on the contrary sir

a tale of how you defended your Empire

sets one's heart pound in one's breast

and a very pretty ample breast it is too

such flattery Mr masteron sir I implore

you to relate to me once again how the

naked African Warriors charged towards

you with their giant manhood swinging to

and through to and through and sir I

beseech you to relate to me how you

wrestled with their Chieftain to the

ground Miss Lacy a reenactment would

involve a certain amount of physicality

on your person go on yourself sir I can

assure you I am capable of moaning and

groaning with a startling physical

authenticity shall we fall to

demonstration in Yonder Bush yes as you

wish Miss

Lacy oh caline

[Laughter]

could you pass the milk

please could you ask your mother to pass

the milk please Mom Dad wants the

milk this is crazy

tell your mother I am

sorry Dad says it's

sorry tell your father yeah yeah Mom

says yeah yeah tell your mother I don't

know what happened I didn't have that

much to drink dad says I didn't have

that much to drink tell your father it

looked like he did just

enough mom says it looked tell your

mother I was tired

ask your father if it's me he's tired of

she wants to know if it's her you're

tired of tell your mother of course not

I was right up for it dad says he was

right up for it father up for it is the

last thing he was it was ask her how

many times must I say I'm sorry how many

times must ask him if it's me do not

turn them on anymore does Mom tell her

of course she does I get just as horny

now as I did when we were teenagers she

says then your softness isn't because

you think I'm too old she says

ridiculous I could take you right

now then do it take me take me now you

[Music]

Beast tell you some house who knows

where she can stick her 380 an

hour

RS Little Less Conversation a little

more action

please excuse me are you got F get some

chips and cheese for it man for [ __ ]

Magic chips and cheese chips and cheese

and [ __ ] I think go good guy sells a [ __ ]

how look you SN [ __ ]

I could that's [ __ ] a

[ __ ] hold it hold it hold it

driver me for

2

me right taxi

anyway maternal concern unit present in

association with J&J Fish baby carriers

equals sometimes death

[Laughter]

hi I'm Margot Collins a concerned mother

just like the rest of you in this film I

want to talk about the many dangerous

hazards facing mother and child in this

Modern Life baby

carriers care for some homemade lentil

soup take care not a real baby this time

I'm in a lift today but instead of

exiting the lift swiftly I'm foolishly

choosing to

[Music]

Dole take care not a real baby this

time there is danger for baby everywhere

even on the football field celebrations

can be tricky where a baby carrier is

involved get in

there not a real baby this

time in the jungle limbo dancing is a

real no

no take

care not a real baby this time use your

baby carrier responsibly take

care eyes done ladies and here we

go key the door 43 that's 4 and three

key of the door if you're a bachelor who

lives with his mother and she's just

died and it's the first time you've

heard your name on the rent book I ke

the door 4 need