01x03 - Pish

[bunniefuu]

obviously an a purely personal level

I've got really high hopes for the

council's criminal climbdown initiative

social inclusion is never as high in the

agenda as it should be but this is an

elevation Jeffrey to grasp what can a

surplus Mountain well get enough hoodies

in the people with it nanny and a bunch

of Geo bonds that the government not

look at the space they lock up

aah jailbot day well they were the

narrow-minded you have to embrace the

notion that these damaged little boats

had the Wayne's Club but if shown proper

encouragement and given enough please

these boats can fly he's but they'll

[ __ ] on you is a society serially

disadvantaged people are simply made a

few wrong choices choices like the

choice whether or not to walk West

account that you do annoying or to stop

and pick up a breakfast special a bundle

still the golf clubs and the CD player

and in the bargain and in another choice

to hold the toilet and until they get

home or depression the meddlesome

tabloids these people need a second

chance and we can give it to them as

land rangers at its core community

service should be precisely that

criminal plane down is merely a conduit

whereby so-called offenders repay the

debt to society it's time we took off

the blinkers seized to marginalize and

set aside our prejudices

crazy as a [ __ ] rat

[Music]

I'll be hoping that three happy apply

[Applause]

[Music]

sign here for your Moors oh and before I

forget take these letters both of you

they have details of your biannual

medical medical touch your toes open

waitin see are caught my boys and call

urine sample just to check you're not

under the influence of anything ill*gal

radically these days but anyone using

industrial machinery young sample that's

push my criminal claim down the last

chance a second chance there you go

there you go

any questions

no smoke the kids will put Emma see so

and it's another 10 minutes did a

cigarette break right I'm not here to

judge you the judge sure that are not

already I'm not going to dwell in your

claims whether it be yeah petty theft or

you all for fire reason

thank you you did a half paper under me

but what's that supposed to mean

hey nothing no um I am here to give you

an even break so I won't be behaving

like the governor assigned Quentin or a

some loja

you've got it - fair Hey look um well as

I see their lair I'm not really judging

I'm not gonna concern myself with what

your claim was but what was that

incidentally broken MO and stole us a

golf clubs

well ice that's good dance shoes unless

you tell faster k*ller and you out you

were looking for Jesus listen all I'm

asking as when you are yelling but God's

sake just put on a shift wait Montgomery

all right we're gonna wait fire me up

boss that's very funny

huge whatever and I'm strong I'm strong

Gavin Armstrong boring you am i no

listen don't wanna be here eh

well neither do i you listening me to it

I could just as easy hope you could buy

an Islamic because that's what used as

helpful oh bloody lot you well know your

back man but

thank you for your patience I am deaf

right listen up

this boy is deaf so I don't want anybody

taking the piss out of them if you want

to communicate with this chap then you

make eye contact make your Jess just

clear how do you do just make that nice

and clear so there's no

misunderstandings up right like okay

yeah to do this there you go gentlemen

wine she's none eunuch wine cheese and

ham three cheese and tomorrow no

excellence one in cheese and ham one

season onion and two cheese and pickle

I'm very sorry sir

go rectify that funny they owe me Marco

he's thirsty no no Tina don't go toast

all right I'll get your dinner court

date oh are you sure

after the batches I hooray yes

oh my mum all right there you go you see

oh we haven't dated you a Tina can I get

a coffee and a cheese and tomatoes to go

back oh don't be like Levin yet what

your mum well by my mum the picture oh I

just fancy two you know two girls neo no

salami mommy only it isn't a phone calls

with the scene that's it so I'm gonna

take a little lazy boy little

[Music]

Celia of more you have more at Sun ball

but think was to the pitchers without

more not being at the pictures women

more weight can't from over speaks it

was Annie get him in the bordered

nocturnal acid sees new stamp property I

mean we had a fling that we moved on and

we're both happy about it

what your voice man oh hi there at the

end when you say to follow you went

further you must delete you imposter

green lime and you can't equate keep his

emotions under control because he still

fancies a lassie who's taking over

imaginary more the pictures wow that's

better sighs yeah right

do you know can I pay for these coffees

what the pictures cost these days well

the last time we took the wins

general admission was sex quid for

adults four quid for them

plus you get three hot dogs to buy and

three large cokes the Aaron's got their

husband a magical princess souvenir

plastic promotional Cup that was

straight in the bend when you get at him

but of course that doesn't come with our

popcorn tie and me and money then I'm

holder to the peck in Mexico

that's the size E I claim and well I

tried to call a flanker and Lisa bought

me the bag with lumps but then but I me

a mattress for the fudge cubes and Paula

ba*ls besides the actual caller ba*ls so

a 53 pound in with a tame would take

receipts then there wins I've spewed

before the mobile phone for c*ck you

swatch hang off I would have been

another fifty quid for the cleaning Bell

but we were at the doorman a taxi for

this sussed yeah that no Michelle we're

coming to their dresses

pretty fancy haircut for going to the

pictures were your more you don't think

no man Nicky Clarke failed dues she's

found somebody else but she's didn't you

lie to me look she's trying to meet you

jealous

you need to straight back I am I'll get

up here I'm not sure

oh you just think it yourself ID I had

to date a good one and a blue remember

anyway I'm not gonna take our bank won

so I can take some while see the

pictures you may not have to this one

won't exist yeah invent above a bogus

date Michelle's bony be jealous when she

finds what you're seeing some Dale's

okay watch this Brian we have a

beautiful new girlfriend how rude Peter

doesn't she have a name Natasha Natasha

Kaplinsky alright so you're dating the

sexiest news read in the country 8 and

finally my knickers are ringing at the

prospect of flying optical ice get to

jump at the raw sparking right me Ilana

she's a born model shares a room they're

twin and does a jacuzzi with bubbles

spare me the tables for the wank Bank

listen

her name's Eileen right she's in a sec

needed unit you've been seeing each

other for tonight do I ask you later in

front of Michelle I'll see Peter well

you didn't like you see me and are you

in are going to the talk shows

[Music]

I was Lala sees joy that's hilarious

right spot to get this job done yeah you

coming me Gavin you come and eat God see

you come with me all right

[Laughter]

[Applause]

hey what you feel leave it up here hey

oh I get it you're needing a clean urine

sample for your medical all right

I don't process medical I'm gonna get my

job isn't all right when you kind of use

your what mates pee then rise to your

that no no see what you're needing this

peg Sammy like Sammy big clean Levin

sorry I see I was in the same position

as you a couple of years ago needing the

old clean urine sample so the guys in

the pub put me on it big Sammy used to

walk behind the bar cfb it Audie he

wouldn't touch a drop the one or the

exercise to eat well his pressure was

like Mountain spring lock so though you

were needing a clean urine sample you go

and see big Sammy give him a 5 on he'd

fell you'd be plastic what take that to

the doctor he would dump the strap boof

that was you clear for the next five

year back Sammy can I get you see mm-hmm

no that's the thing he does it the any

meal you got a big order than tiaras one

team 1200 samples in one week kidney

caught with a demand it option DS

urinary tract just a bit pressed himself

a deer colostomy bag

he's an Alpina but Sammy's an alkie man

you won't let go needy God go with you

my son

excuse me you're not pleased yes my son

OS me father of Tennyson

do you want to explain I'm no pure pure

of heart pure of spirit it's my urine

go on I've Gor provide a clean sample

for the walks medical majors gonna feel

it I'm going to lose my job if I don't

pass I don't know what you do can you

help me

you know what you need Sun egg Fahmy no

you need guidance you need to talk to

someone who can help you get out of

these habits the Bible says look to your

inner self know if you don't mind I

don't like to talk when I'm wiping you

paid 70 quid for that all right I'm

[ __ ] quid for the eating he's trying

to say oh man who was ring that breed

anyway it looks stupid

do you know what is your last haircut

what occurred last Giusti your hair's

been let out from once I was nobody's

Ellen and clone myself up a sense JEP

doesn't it look good can I be honest we

appear all right honest to god

looks really really poofy even I would

maybe of ieaving Bailey likes ago whose

Island Peter's new squeeze I mean I know

an Eileen so Satan in Kaplinsky Eileen

Kaplinsky she seems made up what I made

up which oft I'm happy Oh Michelle check

it and you p.m. noon yup do you get a

flint oh right yeah that's good

I've been had me here done T hiya no

sorry I mean the most it's nice the

answers you yours at Suzie panic

that's good to talk what does he go and

do there

she's not your girlfriend I mean she's

not really my girlfriend and it's too

early start attaching labels into I

don't know is it I don't know is it well

I'm happy for you

good thanks I'm men seen somebody as

well yeah well that's good I'm happy for

you and him happy for him happy for

babies babies well happy you go without

me

cool of course cool with that totally

cool

good on you hey chillax I'm cool you're

staring your TV you think someone

you're gonna get it signed and all your

pee is a radioactive why don't we just

jump on the sack and then we'll have to

take the medical everybody down

oh just go to the doctors and what give

a unique sample Oh

[Music]

but hold lesson son Gavin you stick with

me you've got a cottage clock and

theater years team for having Patton

about three weeks what or eight

yeah chin gum

hmm just if it

ah yeah fly wee b*stard you could talk

the whole time

diamond telling me but why I started up

I've just done that every job I've ever

had

it keeps our souls off your back you

know that's our build - that is right

off yeah well if you hit your thumb

we're hammer though don't know never

pick one up

welcome aboard chief wait Oh

there you go JT that's good son here a

good boy they forget I'm here some of

them I have missing her anne-marie for a

month and it's not like I can go today

of me oh you know uncle Bella's coming

up at the weekend that'll be good day

mad b*stard he's Advent short son he was

put in a half with a boot Shepard I'm

Delia wafer Fez is just ambient that's

good tea hi Bill

I'm gonna eat my bed anymore oh here's

some can you empty my bedpan for me I

don't know whatever something personal

like a resource over the border

[Music]

checking ba*ls curry sauce and chips

original and best gave us seared lamb

and a red wine juice whoa

very nice so you made that for yourself

no for Eileen and she was very grateful

and I mean very grateful later on but

always always always

you're gonna do anyways you don't know

why I mean you don't know what either I

can't waste my time that's passion hey

Liam is right about you manipulative

thanks oh right let's see then shall we

Michelle oh you would you say I'm an

operative for dragging Michelle any of

us let's get nothing to do in Michelle

this is about me and Eileen Michelle and

I have now gone our separate ways and

are both happily pursuing new

relationships is that not the case for

sure

that is the case but she'll know our no

seeing other people and are both much

happier for it

agreed Michelle agreed Peter why don't

you go on a double date then share what

I do Frank best l-m-u 40

well I don't have a problem with that

count me and I mean us and Simon and I

are free tonight that suits me nailin

good good I said beat then you know what

they see a stranger is just a friend you

have any made with the exception of

that's pret

[Music]

all right woody if you help me you were

talking about the toilets huh

I did leave something and yes in sex

this morning we could to URLs before we

said you put me at the cool relax and

made it was gonna be a Skoosh Skoosh is

near you sit spot pool this is for me my

granny served up last night

Stovall talk to me know why you leave

she thinks you're a w*nk*r

look you deserve that you need yourself

a new but instead ya kid on one I mean

maybe he's asking you what you didn't

talk a minute til ya nah he's just

putting it on so he doesn't have to tell

all those avatar she there yeah another

thing engaged in a bonds and all so were

you suggesting I keep my mouth shut nor

the Roman come floating look what

happens in New York now did you not see

the look in her face when I suggested

the double date hey you're both that up

you meet up alien make her jealous she

made up Simon omit you jealous

it's a classic fine I'm shag played that

Cal mania theme so what gonna won't see

you explain the situation clearly and

rationally and at the end of the name

shall get pumped

they swat me Jesus

who is the as mr. Henderson hi you never

saw it done it will no spoilers and if

you learn you am an oaf a whodunit that

loony minute tops that's a point that

you dean governor known firestarter

access t flammables but those flammables

have been safe locked up the advances

this morning that van

[Applause]

all right a few quick questions and I'll

get out here how many units of alcohol

do you have per week 400 400 ma leading

us look one unit is a half a glass of

white wine and a full pint of strong

lager is two units Adlon is it pain

close enough

no have you ever used any of the

following heroin LSD ecstasy speed any

other related opiates

I saw Bagnall cannabis no doctor I've

seen the young team ticket parties I

just shake my heat sour than it oh well

that's good to hear

now if you just take this bottle and

give us a sample of your urine and not a

problem

[Music]

clear clear and what's clear in there

yeah

[Music]

South sendin money less about this room

you're here

Skoosh Skoosh the answer to the maths

questions team then it's just no no nor

for the race or pain

no no teen no no no no

won't be long do doc this Wheaton's are

that special feeling all right

anything I can do to help

[Music]

whenever you're ready I'll be back in

this subsidy I'll be staying through doc

is looks like no no I love it thought

he'd never go you get that fell vote for

me

Boston foppish operation of dr. Ned was

a complete shambles now here you can see

results it will be pi stone for the

steering committee to consider before

next year's project no next year's

project where they got a torch then you

attach a beacon watch you go up light

shall be what come on

but from what you tell me there was one

bright spot young Gavin here appears to

have got on swimmingly

despite his inherent disadvantages

Gavin's a good lad is if I shall know

you're a trainee parking Ricci's

overalls let's hear your wolf whistle

together

governor governor for good sick son

that's the fourth time this week

the food that is written down for you

every single time they get exactly what

they want but me you always get mustard

on mine I don't like my stuff must of a

better people on the OD where's my

change my changer just forget it

even give me a failure bar those please

won't let you turn a ghost you know

somebody there is Li there hmm figment

of your imagination perhaps what do you

mean she'll drop it well yet fair enough

I made up an invisible girlfriend here a

link-up Lensky then again you started it

in the cafe all that partner begun of

the pictures were your mommy dead go to

the pictures with my mommy yeah yeah

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

every last did but we move on Michelle

that's my point

let's move on let's stop lying to each

other of your unfinished business we

need to be honest with each other

because if we don't have honesty why

have we go slowly Michelle may just to

get pop I'm Simon this is Belle nod I'll

be your waiter for the evening and then

once you've finished your drinks Table

three you'll be ready for you and

tonight's special is then silom in a red

wine juice enjoy your meal

Steven how many times I have told you

mrs. mcdougal does not like ice and I

drink you manky yeah you're fired

in fact that's where

[Music]

[Music]

so your uncle Marquis and yet cousin Vic

stop talking New Year's Day 1974 and if

not as much as said two words to each

other since Mark II thought airdam fake

say hello at Sandra's funeral in 97 but

he wasn't sure so I never said anything

back

stripper didn't care hi granny oh here I

brought you another lime cordial oh

you're a fake good to me always bringing

me drinks

well you offer good to me granny you

want me to empty a bedpan well if you

wouldn't mind right here's a fresh batch

Mina's 20 quid abou I already counted

Camden Maine then use this funnel keep

separate the good cop

[Music]

you