03x01 - Thirteensomething

[bunniefuu]

We're tiny. We're toony. We're all a

little loonyAnd in this cartoony, we're

invading your TV. We're comic

dispensers. We've got the ball of

dispensers. Our tiny toon adventures get

a dose of comedy. So here's red

behaviors, it's a whole wide world apart.

Our homes, we only stand alone a cartoon

worth of hot. Less rest, we're rejected,

expecting unexpected.

about too sharp They're furry, they're

funny They're fast and bustin' funny

Mushannah matches money And Myrick is a

pain He's hushin' and plucky Is he

dead or yucky?Purple's are lucky And

Go-Go is insane And at the

University, we earn our Tuna degree

That's the teaching cash, I'm getting

laughs, it's like he's 33 We're

funny, we're Sydney, we're all a little

loony It's tiny Tuna adventures come and

join the fun

Oh, sweet Acme Luniversity

We ask with vague sincerity

Let this class be full of brevity Let

the bell ring soon

Hey, teach! What happens if you go in the

tunnel?I just can't help myself.

Hey, snooze hound. You still on for

tonight's TV binge?

Show off. Jeweler.

Thank you, William Shakespeare.

Quit

hanging around! Go home!

So, um, like, are we still on for tonight?

Well, let me check my appointment booked.

I could have another date. Get

real, Pluckface.

Are you kidding?I wouldn't miss this TV

event for the world. Me nada. We've been

looking forward to it for weeks. You

betcha, babe. 13 something. Huh

Football?13 something?I thought

we discussed this. We did! We

decided on... 13-something!

Football! A bunch of hormone-bloated

hethwits running around in... Those

stupid, ill-conceived plot lines...

Hoping to run across... An Emmy

nomination for crying on cue?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a coin toss

situation, kids. Heads, we watch



I can't look. What is it?We now

return to 13-something, filmed

live before a taped audience. Ah, sweet

bliss. It's a coin toss situation.

Nice plan. Hey, it was a two-sided coin.

I just forgot which side was stewed.

I always get what I want. It's a talent I

have. Jason, what are you doing here?

I've come to take you to the prom. I'm

not going with you. I'm going with...

Theo! Shh! This is

silly. The three of us have been best

friends forever. Let's all go together.

Like, what a show. It's got, like, plot

and junk. Man, I wish I could be on a

show like that. Yeah, but they only,

like, hire humans. Drug.

I always get what I want. It's a

challenge I have. Just what is that

supposed to mean?Babs, you can't always

get what you want. Face it, Tux. You

couldn't get on 13-something if your life

depended on it. And you couldn't get

me if all your past lives depended on it.

Truth or dare?Dare. I

dare you to get on 13-something.

There you have it. Can Babs Bunny do it?

Can't she meet her opponent's challenge?

Yes, Yes I can. I am the greatest. I

think we've started something that's

gonna take two acts to resolve.

You're not fooling me, Babs. I'm not

fooling anyone. I'm going to New York

City. The next time you see me,

I will be on 13-something.

Hasta la vista, baby. Uh, don't

worry. This is one thing even Babs can't

do. She'll be back. And in the meanwhile,

we can catch some fourth-quarter action.

Hey, Cheryl, could you get us a couple of

sodas?Sure!

I'll show Buster. I'll show everybody.

Never say never to Bad Bunny!

Is this the bus to New York?You gettin'

on or what?Bus to New York.

How about a sing-along?Start placing your

chips Start reading my

list I'm gonna prove

myself in old New York

I always get what I want, even if I don't

really want it.

I love the smell of mourning in the

morning. Time to check out the news.

Maybe Dabsy and I will do some topical

humor in today's show. It could happen.

I can't believe it! A carrot sale this

time of year?Psst! Mr.

Alert, down here. Babs Bunny heads to New

York?Ha! Thought I couldn't do it, huh

Well, I'm in New York, so ha-ha to you!

But we've got a show to do. I'm sure you

can find your replacement for me. I dare

you.

Hey, don't look at me that way. She'll be

back. And in the meantime, I'll find a

substitute co-host. I wonder if Ed

McMahon is available.

Welcome to New York City. Now get off the

bus! Wow! The Big Apple!

Just like I pictured it. Skyscrapers and

everything. I feel like we've grown so

close these past few hours.

Whatever!

Taxi! I got that one! That one's mine!

Hey, watch it!

Who needs a cab?New York is made for

walking! I'm looking for the casting

offices for thirteen-something. Hello,

babsy-wabsy head! I didn't know

you were vacationing here too.

Who knew?We can go sighting

together!

We'll go to the petting zoo and the

animal shelter and the aquarium.

Okay, Binky, let's start your

audition, huhUm, let's try the opening.

Okay. Hiya, Tootsters.

I'm Buster Bunny. And I'm Binky

Bunny. No relation. No

relation. I don't get it. Is Is that

a joke?That's a joke, right?Much

to my deep regret. Next! Help

me! Come back, bunny head!

Come on, change, change! Let's

go to Harlem and see the Globetrotters.

Come on!

Don't walk.

Uh-oh. Ooh, that's a pain that's gonna

linger.

Hey, winners for a dime. Sure.

Tax-free income.

Eat your heart out, Marla.

I'll never find the casting offices. I

came all the way to New York, only to

wander around Lost. I'll start on these

streets! You'll make a TV movie out of

this starring Eve Plumb! That's Portrait

of a Teenage Dune!

I knew it was there. This is David

Letterman, and I'm not wearing any pants.

I should fit right in.

Okay, Bettina, um, we're trapped by a

ferocious furrier, and you spin around

and save us with your very best Sha Za

impression. Oh, all right.

Darling, that fur clashes with your

personality. Put on these hefty

bag instead. I

also play my nose.

How do you humans stand this get-up?I'm

tiny, not toony. I am a human

goonie. Yeah, huh, thank you.

I like that last girl. She was

talented and cute. You are so

lost, Edward. Yes, I am. Next!

Who are you?I'm Babs Bun...

Bun-Nawalski over Smith. Ooh,

ethnic, but not too. I like it.

Me too. You'll be auditioning with Flint

and action. Hello, Theo. I'm

Alabaster. Oh, you are new

at Vicki Lords High.

Just because I'm new in town doesn't mean

I don't have feelings. I do. I

do have feelings. Teen feelings.

Ha-ha! Don't laugh! I mean

it! I really do! I am laughing

'cause you are so cute when you're

angry. Really?

Ew-ee! She's really good.

She's different. There's a different

quality, something not quite real about

her that's different. Ms. Bonawalski over

Smith?You got the job. See wardrobe.

Well, Buster, what do you say to that?

Next. Did you

see Variatune?BB

bye-bye to TT413?Yes.

And you call yourself a co-host. Can't

even read tradees, huhWell, let me

translate for the lingo impaired. BB,

that's Babs Bunny, bye-bye, that's leaves,

TT, that's Tiny Toons, and 413 is



Toons for 13-something. She did it!

Say, is this your new co-host?Hardly.

So, you haven't found one yet, ehWell,

let me introduce you to... Lucky

Bunny! You like my ears better, up

or down?Like no one's paying

attention to me! Don't I have the cutest

toes on some jokes?

Abby, come home.

Well, unless you've been in a cave for

the last month, you have to be familiar

with today's guest, the new star of



Bunnewalski-Oversmith. Uh,

excuse me, but you pronounced my name

wrong. It's Babs. Cut me a

break. Elvis

was spotted at a mini-mart in Tustin. The

cast of Diff'rent Strokes held up Fort

Knox, and my voice causes seizures.

But the story of the year is BABSZA.

She's only on TV, but they're already

talking Oscar. I've come out of

retirement to interview a very special

guest. Babzia.

Is that right, Ed?That's right. I

did not know that.

Buster, you like down there?Yuck.

Smells like something died down there.

Yeah, my career.

Mm, nice bouquet. Last Thursday was a

very good day for pizza. Earth

to Buster. Come on! You've been like this

for the last one and a half acts. Babs is

gone. You have to, like, channel your

energy into a more positive direction or

some junk. Yeah, in my direction. These

Tiny Toon reruns they're running are

doing zip for my TVQ. I should've never

dared Babs to get on that show. I'm like

Sonny without Cher. I'll probably end up

the mayor of Palm Springs. Well, far

be it for me to be compassionate, but,

uh, listen, you're Buster Bunny!Char of

Tiny Toon Adventures! The world loves

you! I can't believe I'm saying this.

Lucky, could it be that you've progressed

into a higher plane of consciousness?

Could it be that you've turned into a

kind, compassionate, caring doc?My

parents are out of town for the weekend.

What do you say we play house?Um

Never mind. A simple no would've

sufficed. You have to be at one with your

oneness. Accept that Babs has moved on,

and don't be defeated, be like the other

way. You're right. I could

go on without Babs. I mean, I have Tiny

Toons. What does she have?Thirteen

something?Ha! Who watches that squad do

anyway?Eight o'clock. It's long. Don't

block my view, blue boy.

Had cheese with mayo. What's the problem?

Alabaster, ever since she came to this

side of town from the other side of town,

you hate everything I do.

You really should get a wax, dear. You

have a lot of facial hair. Your entrance

is coming up. Say, how about I play this

scene for comedy?You know, like... Ohh

Theo can't stand you 'cause you're such a

cow! Now, we've been over

this. Alabaster is a humorless

character. Given to fits of a

hopeless yet insightful teen angst.

Right.

You really should consider a facial wax,

babe.

Well, if it isn't the girl who's stealing

my boyfriend... Sasha.

All I ever wanted when I came to this

side of town was to have a friend. That's

all any team really wants.

And we're clear.

See, baby?Wasn't it better my way?

Uh-huhGood girl. Okay, that's a wrap,

people.

I know. I recognize that sound. Oh,

yes. Master. Hey, Clarence, what's so

funny?Man,

I wish I could be on that show. Yeah, but

they only use tunes. Drag.

Let's get out of here.

Enough already. We get the point. I'm

lonely.

Would this make a touching ad for the

phone company or what?Well?Hi,

it's me! No relation.

Well, I guess I should say congrats. Tell

her you miss her and some junk. Bump

that, Smagoo! Tell her to hold her heinie

back home!Oh, you have people

over?Yeah, we're having a party to

celebrate our new success on Tiny Toons.

Yeesh, let's get out of this den of this

seat. Well, I just wanted to tell you

that my contract is up tomorrow, so I'll

probably be coming home.

That's great. You know, whatever. Even

though things are great here, you know, I

don't know, you know. Yeah,

so, well, listen, I'll I'll let you get

back to your party, so bye. She

doesn't even miss me.

I've had enough. I laugh in the general

direction of my foolish pride. I'm going

home! You've what?We've

decided to pick up your option and renew

your contract. Congratulations! What?

They've got her on that shelf for another

five years!

That actually felt good. Lucky, I need a

plan. Five,

four, three, two,

two... I'm so

glad your army dad isn't getting

transferred and that you'll be here for a

long, long time. Me too.

Well, I'm not. Who are you?Who is that?

I'll tell you who I am. I am Alabaster's

twin brother Cleveland. We were separated

at birth and and now I've come to end

this this endlessly endless family

secret. This is great. You

are so lost. No, dear. You

are lost. Oh,

Edward, kiss me!

I didn't think you missed me. I did.

I'm nothing without you. You're my better

half. Yeah, but my better half is

nothing without your half. So you're

twins! We've done the twin thing.

What's the big secret?I'll tell you!

Alabaster and I aren't human!

HmmWe're toons! That's right!

I am a toon!

Ready?Go!

BB helps BB say bye-bye to PPTV.

Thanks for rescuing me. You're my knight

in shining armor. Did you really mean all

that stuff about your better half?Let

me show you. Umm Sorry,

kids. This is private.

Hey, Cheryl. getting any ideas?

Feel free to change the channel.

Say goodnight, Babs. Goodnight, Babs.