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01x44 - Hero Hamton

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Tiny Toon Adventures". Aired: September 14 – December 6, 1992.*
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Cartoon set in the fictional town of "Acme Acres", where most of the Tiny Toons and Looney Tunes characters live.

01x44 - Hero Hamton

Post by bunniefuu »

Sticky, we learn that hard to play

And have stupid our poor pal Can't

wait to start his day

Happy feet, I've got those

happy feet Give them a lowdown beat

And they start dancing

I've got those poor little tapping toes

Two, four, six, eight

Monty is a rapper bass When I hear a

tune I can't control My dancing heels

save my soulBlues can't get

in to my hooves because my hooves

refuse to ever grow weary. I

keep cheerfuls on an earful

'cause music's sweet. 'Cause I've got

half, half happy tea.

Happy feet?I've got those happy

feet!

Would it help if I said, I'm sorry?

Sure! That's why I knocked your mouth

down to your kneecaps! Please, buddy,

violence never solves anything! Uh-oh,

trouble. Grind your hugs, Porkbelly!

Hey! You can't do that to my pal!

You'd better watch who you're talking to,

Bub. This is one pigilistic pig. Is

that so?You betcha. I

need a regular Marvin Hogler, a real Hog

Hogan. Yeah! He thinks you can

take me in a fight, huhYou

fool. You'll turn me into lynch me.

Bumper, aren't ya?Uh, what?

No, really, I wouldn't. You keep out of

this. He'll rise you up and spit you out.

Well, lard boy, we'll

see how tough you are. I hope you

have medical insurance. You'd better have

a nurse on call, buddy. You better pack

some plasma. Smooth, smooth,

Butterball. I hope you know what you're

doing challenging the toughest kid in

school. Me?I feel no

sense trying to worm your way out of it

now. You're just going to have to find

some way to deal with it.

Well, that's walnut.

That's Myrtle. Come here

bunny! I'm the whole monitor! We'regoing,

we're going!

Now take your toy on what is with you,

will ya?Wakey

wakey,

Oh, Buster, Babs, I have the most

horrible nightmare.

I dreamt Monty was out to k*ll me. Isn't

that a civilian-- Last year tickets for

the picks by Monty the bowler versus

Amber and Hansom! Free office speed

after the main event! Get 'em

now! You gotta help me guys,

think of something. Well?You could

always drop out of school, change your

name, move to a new town, and start a new

life. Why didn't I think of

that?Hey! I was just kidding! I've

gotta get out of here! You

gotta-- Oh, pass, Bob! Well, I--

You know the rule! Now pass, back to

class.

You know

Gotta get out of here!

I made it! Why do they always try to do

things the hard way, huhHmmI don't know.

And now, class, for our T-T

cartoon crop lesson, open to T-T-T page



manual.

Sorry, Professor Porky. I guess I'm

all washed up. Yeah, and after

school, I'll hang you out to dry.

It's lunch time! And if you eat the meat,

though...

Here's your tickets for the big fight!

Watch the pig at Bull Ride!

Only 20 bucks! And

remember, all the proceeds from the fight

go to a worthy cause... Me.

The condemned pig's last meal.

Take it easy, Hampton. Yeah, we'll

all have to train for the big fight.

Because we're all your friends, and

friends are here to nurture and feed you.

Put down that sandwich, Slitter.

You're in training. After all, we have to

give those happy ticket buyers some kind

of show, right?No reason both of us

have to starve.

Here, champ. Jumping rope will get your

ham hocked, hoppin'. Can't I just

skip it?Skip, jump, whatever, go

for it!

Hey, isn't it time for a little snack

break?You need to work off the flabfirst.

This'll do the trick.

Okay, enough to jump rope.

Time to unwind!

Come on, slutter! This is no time to take

a nap! You're going up against a tough

opponent! Oh, with a

traitor like you, who needs an oath of...

That porter ain't got a prayer!

Now have it. The most important part in

boxing is the footwork. Oh, make the move

of it. Oh, schmo! Watch

me do exactly what I do.

Sorry, he's all tied up at the moment.

If your chakras are aligned and your aura

is at peace with your karmic center,

no enemy may harm you. Ohh

Shirley, that makes a lot of sense.

It works, oh boy! With my aura to

protect me, Manji will never lay a finger

on me. And I thought

that aura stuff was just a bunch of

baloney. Baloney,

huhWhat do I do now?When you find your

center, you'll be in peace.

When Manji finds me, I'll be in pieces.

............... This is lucky

back at Brainside to bring the

blow-by-blow description of the big pipe.

Monty the Muller!

Where is hammering Hampton?

And here comes Locky the Mauler!

Locky is clearly the favorite in this

fight. Lenoir weighs Lenoir.

But where is hammering Hampton?Pomona, if

he made all the lies. I,

Hampton J-Pig, being a sound

mind and soon-to-be-battered body, do

hereby decrease my collection of

autographed wetmaps to... Is

he

going for extra credit, Hampton?

Uh, you will bet you like if you like

kind of personal-- personal-- the hard

work. Oh, sure. I'm just making out my

will before Baki does some hard work on

me. Oh, it'll be a fight, huhYeah,

I'm doomed. Oh, Hanson, it'll be-- cheer

up. Maybe Money will have a second

thoughts. Maybe he'll suddenly say to

himself, You know, you'll bet you that

happens. It's a pretty nice--

pretty nice-- an okay guy.

again... There's no doubt about

Hampton, Edgy, you've gotten into

quite... quite a tricky situation.

Edgy, you're just going to have to...

face the music.

Just remember, Hampton, you have an

enemy, an enemy, nothing to it but your

fear, but fear of spells.

So how do you able to get to yell now?

Scared.

My agent said if I took this part, I was

cuckoo. At the sound of

the bell,

so

sure will... Hampton! Hampton! Hampton! I

hope Hampton got out of town while the

game was good. And spoil my pay-per-view

cable deal?No way!

Lucky, he's your best friend! How could

you charge money to see him hurt?Hey,

I'm splitting all profits 50/50 with

Hampton!Horty's next of kin.

Hello, everybody. I'm here.

Where's my boy?

I guess this is... goodbye.

So, Chicken Little finally showed up!

Don't worry, it'll be quick and painful!

OhhBig

hero! We

can't let shake and bacon here go into

the ring! You'll be cried!

And I know how to keep his fat out of the

fire. Come on!

Listen, Trucky, won't...

Taking the place of Hammering Hampton

will be two, count of two,

mystery challengers.

Is it lunchtime yet?

Hey, what gives?

Challenger number one...

Billy, take care of those bones!

All right, you're walking garbage

disposal. Give us your best shot!

Oh no! My friends are being beaten up!

Ladies and gentlemen, they're taking us

remembrance feeding! I can't bear a look!

It's terrible! It's awful! Ohh It's

profitable! Painful!

What do I do?What do I do?

Just remember, Hanson, you have been

meaning to mean nothing to fear, but it's

the fear itself. If your

mother was afraid of you, you have the

edge!Something to

fear. Something to fear. That's

it!

All abounding, buddy!

Excuse me. I can't let you do that.

Oh, yeah?

I didn't mind it when you threatened me,

but now you've hurt my friends.

You have razors! You have

a way to the wrath of my sandy titty

and checker! Uh oh!

The wild boar!

The razorback boar!

A winner and film campaign...

Perrin

Hampton! You're a hero, Hampton! Uh, but

I, uh.. You

terrorized him! You humiliated him!

Uh, I think there's something you oughta

go. Ah, and here I am in my breakaway

police barbells. They were all fake props

from Porky's class. What?

And they lost my foam rubber bricks.

Here's my prize. It's good a prize. It's

my best pupil. You still think I'm a

hero?You bet! Sure.

You came here when it counted. That's a

real hero. And I don't mean a sandwich.

Speaking of bread, we're rolling in it.

Uh, here's your

share.

Thanks, guys. This is just about to

replace all those props. All that

money?! For what?! There was the bony

brick wall, the barbells, the

bleachers, and, uh, hmm, something

else. Oh, well, you

know, it's not a total wash.

Oh, yes, the chair.

This never happens to Don King.

Gosh, I don't know what to say, Porky,

except when do we eat?I can't really

think of more than just a thing, Hampton.

Why don't you say it?Really?Uh,

right. Sure. Good, good, good,

good.. That's all,

folks.