(ROARING)
ANNOUNCER: The world of investing
can be a jungle.
Bulls. Bears.
Danger at every turn.
That's why we at Stratton Oakmont
pride ourselves on being the best.
Trained professionals to guide you
through the financial wilderness.
Stratton Oakmont.
Stability.
Integrity.
Pride.
(ROARING)
(PEOPLE SHOUTING) One!
Two!
Three!
(ALL CHEERING)
Twenty-five grand to the first c*cksucker
to nail a bull's-eye!
(ALL CHEERING)
Come on! Let's go!
ALL: One!
Two!
Three!
JORDAN: My name is Jordan Belfort.
Not him.
Me. That's right.
I'm a former member of the middle class
raised by two accountants
in a tiny apartment in Bayside, Queens.
The year I turned 26,
as the head of my own brokerage firm,
I made $49 million,
which really pissed me off because
it was three shy of a million a week.
(UPBEAT BLUES MUSIC)
No, no, no. My Ferrari was white,
like Don Johnson's in Miami Vice.
Not red.
See that humongous estate down there?
That's my house.
ROBIN LEACH: (OVER TV)
For millionaires whose ships...
JORDAN: My wife, Naomi,
the Duchess of Bay Ridge, Brooklyn,
a former model and Miller Lite girl.
Yeah.
She was the one with my c*ck
in her mouth in the Ferrari.
So put your d*ck back in your pants.
In addition to Naomi
and my two perfect kids,
I own a mansion, private jet,
six cars, three horses,
two vacation homes,
and a 170-foot yacht.
ROBIN LEACH: Anchors aweigh!
JORDAN: I also gamble
like a degenerate.
I drink like a fish.
I f*ck hookers maybe five,
six times a week.
I have three different federal agencies
looking to indict me.
Oh, yeah, and I love drugs.
(FAINT CLANGING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Okay.
- One more round.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you like it?
- Yeah.
Pull up. Pull up!
We're gonna crash, for Christ sake!
JORDAN: Relax!
(SLURRING) Just relax.
(GROANING)
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm all right.
Good job.
You get in there safe, all right?
Till the next time, brother.
Till next time.
Yup, on a daily basis
I consume enough drugs
to sedate Manhattan,
Long Island and Queens for a month.
Okay, Mr. Jordan.
I take Quaaludes 10 to 15 times a day
for my "back pain,"
Adderall to stay focused,
Xanax to take the edge off,
pot to mellow me out,
cocaine to wake me back up again
and morphine, well,
because it's awesome.
Good morning, Nathan.
But of all the drugs
under God's blue heaven,
there is one that is my absolute favorite.
You see,
enough of this sh*t'll make you invincible.
Able to conquer the world,
and eviscerate your enemies.
(SNORTS)
Ah!
And I'm not talking about this.
I'm talking about this.
See, money doesn't just
buy you a better life,
better food, better cars, better p*ssy.
It also makes you a better person.
You can give generously to the church
or political party of your choice.
You can save the f*cking spotted owl
with money.
I always wanted to be rich.
So let me go back.
I'm 22 years old, newly married,
and already a money-crazed little sh*t.
So what do I do?
I go to the one place on Earth
that befit my high-minded ambitions.
I love you.
JERRY: You are lower than pond scum.
You got a problem with that,
Jordan?
No. No problem at all.
Good. Because that is what you are.
Pond scum.
Your job is connector,
which means that you'll be dialing
the phone over 500 times a day
trying to connect me
with wealthy business owners.
And until you pass your Series 7,
that is all you're gonna
f*cking be doing. Sit.
Sit!
Now just so you know,
last year I made over $300,000.
The other guy you'll be working for,
he made over a million.
JORDAN: A million dollars?
I could only imagine
what a douchebag that guy must be.
- Jordan Belfort.
- Yes, sir.
- Mark Hanna.
- A pleasure to meet you.
And you as well. I see you've
already met the village as*h*le.
Smile and dial.
And don't pick up your f*cking head
until 1:00.
Hey, f*ck him.
I'm the senior broker here.
He's just a worthless piker.
Why don't you blow me, Hanna?
Now did you really pitch a stock
in your job interview?
I had to do something to stand out.
Right, sir?
I f*cking love that.
- Lunch. Today.
- Yeah.
We don't start dialing at 9:30
because our clients are
already answering the phone.
Three. Two. One.
Let's f*ck!
(BELL RINGS)
JORDAN: You want to know
what money sounds like?
Go to a trading floor on Wall Street.
"f*ck" this, "sh*t" that.
"c**t," "c*ck," "as*h*le."
I couldn't believe
how these guys talked to each other.
MAN 1: Good f*cking package...
MAN 2: Piece of sh*t!
I was hooked in seconds.
It was like mainlining adrenaline.
Yeah. f*ck, look at where
the stock's at today, huh?
You m*therf*cker,
you can't get any at 44...
- Pick up the c*ck phone!
- Sorry...
You are such
a f*cking douchebag, Hanna.
We don't give two shits
about how technology works
because all we care about
is getting f*cking rich.
- Solid, 2,000.
- Jordan Belfort.
Done!
Time to paint the tape. Whoo!
2,000. Microsoft. Going in the hole!
Come on.
Live. Live. Hold on, that is hot.
In. In. Shut that m*therf*cker.
Shut it! Shut it! Shut it!
Sold!
(MARK HUMMING)
Yeah.
(CONTINUES HUMMING)
Tootski?
Oh, no. Thank you, though.
Mr. Hanna, what can I bring for you
on this glorious afternoon?
Well, Hector, here's the game plan.
You're gonna bring us
two Absolut martinis.
You know how I like them. Straight up.
And then precisely seven
and one half minutes after that,
you're gonna bring us two more.
Then two more after that
every five minutes
until one of us passes the f*ck out.
(CHUCKLES)
HECTOR: Excellent strategy, sir.
I'm good with water for now.
Thank you.
It's his first day on Wall Street.
Give him time.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Mr. Hanna?
You're able to do drugs during the day
and then still function, still do your job?
How the f*ck else would you do this job?
Cocaine and hookers, my friend.
Right. (CHUCKLES)
Well, I got to say, I'm incredibly excited
to be a part of your firm. I mean...
The clients you have are absolutely...
f*ck the clients.
Your only responsibility
is to put meat on the table.
You got a girlfriend?
I'm married. I have a wife.
Her name is Teresa. She cuts hair.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
Think about Teresa.
Name of the game.
Move the money from your client's
pocket into your pocket.
Right.
But if you make your clients money
at the same time,
it's advantageous to everyone. Correct?
No.
Number one rule of Wall Street.
Nobody...
I don't care if you're Warren Buffett
or if you're Jimmy Buffett.
Nobody knows if a stock is gonna go up,
down, sideways, or in f*cking circles.
- Least of all stockbrokers, right?
- Mmm-hmm.
It's all a fugazi.
You know what a fugazi is?
Uh. Fugayzi. It's a fake.
Fugayzi, fugazi, it's a whazy,
it's a woozy, it's...
(WHISTLES) Fairy dust. It doesn't exist.
It's never landed. It is no matter.
It's not on the elemental chart.
It's not f*cking real.
- Right?
- Right.
- Stay with me.
- Mmm-hmm.
We don't create sh*t.
We don't build anything.
No.
So if you got a client
who bought stock at 8
and it now sits at 16,
he's all f*cking happy.
He wants to cash in, liquidate,
take his f*cking money and run home.
- You don't let him do that.
- Okay.
- 'Cause that would make it real.
- Right.
No. What do you do?
You get another brilliant idea.
A special idea.
Another "situation." Another stock
to reinvest his earnings and then some.
And he will, every single time.
'Cause they're f*cking addicted.
And you just keep doing this,
again and again and again.
Meanwhile,
he thinks he's getting sh*t rich,
which he is, on paper.
But you and me, the brokers,
we're taking home cold hard cash
via commission, m*therf*cker.
Right.
That's incredible, sir.
I can't tell you how excited I am.
You should be.
There's two keys to success
in the broker business.
First of all...
(EXHALES)
- You gotta stay relaxed.
- Yeah.
Do you jerk off?
Do I... Do I jerk off?
Yeah. Yeah, I jerk off. Yeah.
How many times a week?
Like, um, three or four.
Three or four times, maybe five.
Gotta pump those numbers up.
Those are rookie numbers in this racket.
I myself, I jerk off at least twice a day.
- Wow.
- Once in the morning
right after I work out,
then once right after lunch.
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.
I want to. That's not why I do it.
I do it 'cause I f*cking need to.
Think about it.
You're dealing with numbers.
All day long,
decimal points, high frequencies.
Bang, bang, bang.
(SQUEAKING)
f*cking digits.
All very acidic
above-the-shoulders mustard sh*t.
- All right?
- Mmm-hmm.
It kind of wigs some people out.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Right.
You got to feed the geese
to keep the blood flowing.
Mmm-hmm.
I keep the rhythm below the belt.
Done.
This is not a tip, this is a prescription.
- Trust me.
- Mmm-hmm.
If you don't, you will fall out of balance,
split your differential
and tip the f*ck over.
Or worse yet,
I've seen this happen, implode.
No, I don't want to implode, sir.
No. No, you don't.
I'm in it for the long run, you know?
- Implosions are ugly.
- Yeah.
Pop off to the bathroom,
work one out any time you can.
When you get really good at it,
you'll f*cking be stroking it
and you'll be thinking about money.
Second key to success in this racket
is this little baby right here.
It's called cocaine.
Right.
It'll keep you sharp between the ears.
It'll also help your fingers dial faster.
And guess what?
That's good for me.
Yes, sir.
Revolutions. You follow?
Revolutions.
Keep the clients on the Ferris wheel.
And it goes. The park is open 24/7, 365,
every decade, every g*dd*mn century.
- That's it.
- (JORDAN LAUGHING)
The name of the game.
Halkidiki?
- Hmm.
- Thank you.
(MARK HUMMING)
Come on.
(BOTH HUMMING)
We're the common denominator.
Ah.
BOTH: Ah.
Keep it up for me.
(SINGING) You've seen the echo
And the money comes in
The parade comes to town
Going down Broadway
It's a one-way street
Whichever way I go
(HUMMING CONTINUES)
JORDAN: The next six months,
I got to know the ins and outs
of Wall Street.
Earning sh*t money as I geared up
to take my Series 7.
Oh!
Oh, f*ck.
Oh!
Then I was a licensed broker at last,
ready to make my fortune.
My first day as a future
Master of the Universe.
I have Exxon at 861/4 six months ago.
Today it is trading at 361/2.
Mr...
JORDAN: They called it Black Monday.
No sh*t.
By 4:00 p.m.,
the market had dropped 508 points.
The biggest plummet
since the crash of '29.
MARK: I know your family,
you know mine.
No, I don't know. Some f*cking
country in Europe took a sh*t.
Let them do
what they want to f*cking do.
Our market's solid.
This is not something
that you want to sell.
You know what happened?
A f*cking tsunami.
I think you're making a big mistake.
Yes, I will talk to your wife.
Trust me, do not answer the phone.
A lot of people are gonna be calling you,
trying to get your dirty laundry.
We don't know what's going on here.
I know. I know.
(BELL RINGS)
MARK: Holy
f*cking sh*t!
JORDAN: Unbelievable.
My first shitty day as a broker.
Within a month, L.F. Rothschild,
an institution since 1899,
closed its doors.
Wall Street had swallowed me up
and sh*t me right back out again.
We could pawn my engagement ring
if we needed to.
- Babe...
- Because I don't mind.
If we needed to, I'm saying...
- Will you listen to me?
- Okay.
You're not pawning anything. Okay?
- Okay.
- What do I always tell you?
You're gonna be a millionaire.
That's right. Okay? Just let me look.
We'll find something.
- How about this?
- What?
Nobody Beats the Wiz,
the electronics store.
Stock boy. What do you think?
You're not gonna work at that place.
Yeah, but, you know, you start off...
Jordan, you're gonna be
miserable at that place
- if you go there.
- I know.
It's sales. You work your way up,
you'll be a general manager.
- You're not gonna be a stock boy.
- Why not?
'Cause you're a stockbroker.
You understand that
nobody's hiring stockbrokers right now?
You understand that?
Okay?
(JORDAN SIGHS)
TERESA: Ah. This place is.
- What?
- What's that say?
"Stockbrokers."
(LAUGHS)
In Long Island?
Stockbrokers in Long Island?
TERESA: Yeah.
It's in Long Island. So what?
(TOILET FLUSHING)
Hey, uh, I'm looking for Investor's Center.
What's that? You want to invest?
No. Investor's Center.
I'm looking for Investor's Center.
Yeah, yeah, that's us. Hey.
This is it. This is it.
Oh.
- I'm Dwayne. Yeah.
- You're Dwayne?
Hi, Dwayne. We spoke on the phone.
I'm Jordan Belfort.
I'm the broker from Rothschild
in New York.
Yes, yeah. Have a seat. How are you?
We had a conversation...
We spoke on the phone earlier, right?
- Two hours ago.
- Right.
Yeah.
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
They're up and comers.
That's what that means.
It's 3 cents a share, that's $3!
You cheap f*ck!
So, uh...
So where are your Quotrons here?
- Quotrons?
- Yeah. Your computers.
No, no.
We don't even need computers here.
We just trade right off
the pink sheets here.
- Pink sheets?
- Yeah, they're penny stocks.
You know, uh, companies that
can't get listed on NASDAQ,
they don't have enough capital?
Their shares trade here.
- Penny stocks?
- Yeah.
This one, uh, Aerodyne,
is a really interesting...
Or Aerotyne...
Aerotyne, yeah.
Aero... Aerotyne...
Aerotyne. Yeah.
Very hot stock right now.
Oh, yeah?
They're just a couple of brothers
that are making
radar detectors out of their garage.
They're out in Dubuque.
Maybe it's microwaves. I'm not sure.
But you call the company's main line,
their mom, Dorothy, answers
and she is so sweet.
- Good company.
- I actually don't know what else to...
I don't know anything else
about them other than that.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Six cents a share?
Hey, come on. Who buys this crap?
Well, I mean...
Honestly, mostly schmucks.
Postmen, there's always postmen.
Uh, plumbers. Um...
They see our ads in the back of, uh,
Hustler and Popular Mechanics.
Our ads actually say
they can get rich quick.
- Hustler?
- Yeah.
You know, those girlie magazines.
Yeah, yeah. Nudie mag.
- A lot.
- Yeah.
We're helping them finance houses,
we're helping them buy
their wife a diamond ring...
A boat maybe.
Is this...
Is this stuff regulated or are you guys...
What are you doing here?
Uh...
Sort of.
Sort of?
Jesus Christ,
the spread on these is huge.
Yeah. And that's the point, that's...
What's your name again?
Mine... Jordan Belfort.
Jordan, what do you get
on that blue chip stock?
I make one percent.
Or I did make one percent.
Pink sheets, it's 50.
It's 50%?
50% commission?
- Yup.
- For what?
It's our markup for our services.
And so if I... If I...
If I sell a stock at $10,000,
my commission is 5,000 bucks?
If you sell $10,000 worth of this stock,
I will personally give you
a blowjob for free.
(LAUGHS)
And I hope it happens.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
JORDAN: Hello, John,
how are you doing today?
You mailed in my company
a postcard a few weeks back
requesting information on penny stocks
that had huge upside potential
with very little downside risk.
- Does that ring a bell?
- Yeah, I may have sent something.
Okay, great.
The reason for the call today, John, is,
something just came
across my desk, John.
It is perhaps the best thing
I've seen in the last six months.
If you have 60 seconds, I'd like to share
the idea with you. You got a minute?
Actually, I'm really very...
The name of the company,
Aerotyne International.
It is a cutting edge high-tech firm
out of the Midwest
awaiting imminent patent approval
on the next generation of radar detectors
that have both huge military
and civilian applications now.
Right now, John,
the stock trades over-the-counter
at 10 cents a share.
And by the way, John,
our analysts indicate
it could go a heck of
a lot higher than that.
Your profit on a mere $6,000 investment
would be upwards of $60,000!
Jesus! That's my mortgage, man.
Exactly.
You could pay off your mortgage.
This stock will pay off my house?
John, one thing I can promise you,
even in this market,
is that I never ask my clients
to judge me on my winners.
I ask them to judge me on my losers
because I have so few.
And in the case of Aerotyne,
based on every technical
factor out there, John,
we are looking at
a grand slam home run.
Okay, let's do it. I'll do 4 grand.
$4,000? That'd be 40,000 shares, John.
Let me lock in that trade right now
and get back to you with my secretary
with an exact confirmation.
Sound good, John?
- Yeah, sounds good.
- Great.
Hey, John.
Thank you for your vote of confidence.
And welcome to the Investor's Center.
Yeah, thanks a lot, man.
Bye-bye.
How'd you f*cking do that?
(MAN LAUGHS)
JORDAN: Just like that, I made 2 grand.
The other guys looked at me
like I'd just discovered fire.
Great! Even better!
I was selling garbage to garbage men
and making cash hand over fist.
The only problem you're gonna
have is that you didn't buy more.
Boom shocka locka!
So I was selling them sh*t.
(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
But the way I looked at it,
their money was better off in my pocket.
I knew how to spend it better.
DONNIE: Excuse me.
Is that your car in the lot?
JORDAN: Yeah.
- It's a nice ride.
- Thanks, man.
Donnie Azoff.
Hey. I'm Jordan Belfort.
- Nice to meet you.
- How you doing?
You know, actually,
I see that car around.
- I see it around a lot.
- Oh, yeah, where?
I think we live in the same building.
- No sh*t?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Twelfth floor?
- Yeah. What floor are you on?
Fourth floor.
- I have two little kids. Ugly wife.
- Right.
(LAUGHS)
What do you do, bro?
What do you mean, what do I do?
For work, what do you do?
I'm a stockbroker.
- Stockbroker?
- Yeah.
Children's furniture.
Oh, good for you.
It's all right.
You make a lot of money?
Yeah, I do all right for myself.
I'm trying to put it together.
You got your f*cking nice car,
we live in the same building. I just...
I'm not understanding...
How much money do you make?
I don't know. $70,000 last month.
Get the f*ck...
Get the f*ck out of here.
No, I'm serious.
Yeah, no, I'm serious, too.
Seriously,
how much money do you make?
I told you. $70,000.
Well, technically, $72,000.
Last month. Something like that.
You made 72 grand in one month?
Yeah.
I'll tell you what.
You show me a pay stub
for $72,000 on it,
I quit my job right now and I work for you.
DONNIE: Hey, Paulie, what's up?
No, yeah, yeah. No, everything's fine.
Hey, listen, I quit.
JORDAN: And he did quit his job.
Which I thought was a little weird.
I mean, I just met this f*cking guy.
Don't f*cking tell Susan.
It's none of her business.
There were other things about him, too.
Like his phosphorescent white teeth.
...wife!
I gotta f*cking deal with your wife?
The fact that he wore horn rims
with clear lenses
just to look more WASP-y.
And then, there were these rumors.
I heard some stupid sh*t. I don't know.
f*ck, I didn't even want to bring it up.
It's just...
- It's stupid.
- sh*t with me?
You know, people say sh*t.
I don't even know.
I don't even listen to it half the time.
What are they saying?
sh*t about you and your cousin
or something like that.
I don't even listen to it.
Oh, bro, it's not like that.
It's not like that.
Like you married your cousin
or some stupid sh*t. No?
Yeah, my wife. Yeah.
My wife is my cousin, or whatever.
But it's not like what you think,
or whatever, you know.
Is she like a first cousin, or is she...
Yeah, no, she's, you know...
Her... Her father
is the brother of my mom.
It's not like, what... You know.
Look, we grew up together.
And she grew up hot, you know.
She f*cking grew up hot.
And all my friends were
trying to f*ck her, you know.
And I'm not gonna let someone...
You know, one of these
assholes f*ck my cousin,
so, you know, I used the cousin thing
as like an in with her.
I'm not gonna let someone
else f*ck my cousin.
You know,
if anyone's gonna f*ck my cousin,
it's gonna be me, out of respect.
You know?
No, I get it. Yeah.
I mean, you're not
afraid of like the whole kid thing, right?
- What? Having kids with her?
- Yeah.
No. We have two kids.
And they're... I mean...
I don't want to get personal,
but they're okay?
No, they're not Ret*rded
or anything like that.
But there's a big chance, right, if...
Yeah, there's like a 60%, you know,
60 to 65% chance the kid's gonna
be f*cking Ret*rded or whatever.
That'd scare the sh*t out of me, buddy.
Look, man, a lot of having a kid,
or whatever, takes risk,
whether you're f*cking cousins or not.
What if something like that happened?
Basically, you know,
if the kid was Ret*rded,
I would, you know,
drive it up to the country
and just, like, you know,
open the door and say,
"You're free now."
You know, like, "Run free."
You know?
You're completely f*cking with me.
(LAUGHS)
That's horrible. You're not gonna...
You look like you've... No.
We would take it to,
like, an institution or somewhere
that's handled to, like, you know,
raise the kid or whatever.
You know what?
If you're happy, God bless you, buddy.
No, I'm not f*cking happy.
No one who's married is f*cking happy.
Well, I'm sorry to hear that, buddy.
Listen, I'm really, you know...
I'm really appreciative
for this f*cking job.
I'm really enjoying it.
I'm really happy with what you're doing.
Actually, I got you a little present.
- You got me a present?
- I got you something.
Oh, f*ck. You're sweet.
Yeah. It's in the back though.
- What do you mean?
- You gotta go out back.
Like it's wrapped up or something?
It's wrapped up. Yeah.
- I don't get it.
- Neither do I.
Let's f*cking go. Come on.
Your turn.
I'm not f*cking doing this.
You're out of your f*cking mind.
- Smoke this sh*t, bro.
- No.
No one's f*cking here, bro.
Get the f*ck...
f*cking smoke crack with me, bro.
I'm not f*cking doing it.
Smoke crack.
Smoke some f*cking crack with me, bro.
- One hit. One hit. That's it.
- Okay.
f*cking nut job.
(MOANS)
Wow!
(LAUGHING)
Wow.
Let's go run, huh?
We gotta get out of here, buddy.
We gotta get out of here.
Let's go f*cking run.
Let's run like we're f*cking lions
and tigers and bears!
Let's run! Let's f*cking run!
Let's f*cking run! Go!
Go, go, go, go!
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
MAN: You've reached
Frank's Best Auto Body.
We're closed right now.
So please leave us a message.
JORDAN: Hello.
My name is Jordan Belfort.
My partner and I are very interested
in renting out your garage.
Donnie and I were going out on our own.
And the first thing
we needed was brokers.
Guys with sales experience.
So I recruited some
of my hometown boys.
Sea Otter, who sold meat
and weed.
Chester, who sold tires
and weed.
And Robbie, who sold anything
he could get his hands on.
Mostly weed.
Can you bring me some ketchup? Okay?
This is Brad.
And Brad's the guy I really wanted.
But he didn't go along with us.
He was already making so much
money selling Quaaludes,
he'd become the Quaalude king
of Bayside.
Getting any p*ssy
with that thing or what?
Yeah, man, of course.
Bring some of them chicks
around here sometime, huh?
Let 'em watch.
Let 'em watch. Know what I mean?
Hey, Zip! You tell your sister
I was asking about her.
Why don't you bring me a pair of her
panties next time you come through.
Yeah, man. She said she don't want to
talk to you anymore, man.
BRAD: Get the f*ck out of here.
Hey, Ma, we got chicken or what?
Ma!
JORDAN: You listening?
It's easier than you think.
Every person you're on the phone with,
they want to get rich
and they want to get rich quickly.
They all want something for nothing.
There was this one time
that I was selling pot to this Amish dude.
You know those guys
who got like the beard
with like no mustache or some bullshit?
Well, he says that he only
wants to make furniture.
I don't understand.
CHESTER: What's that
got to do with anything?
What the f*ck are you talking about?
I'm not putting words
in your mouth or nothing,
but you just said that
everybody wants to get rich.
Holy f*ck, you did just say that.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
OTTER: Yeah, like Buddhists.
They don't give a sh*t about money.
They're wrapped in sheets.
They're not buying sh*t.
I'm not talking about Buddhists or Amish.
I'm talking about normal people,
working-class, everyday people.
Everyone wants to get rich. Am I crazy?
There's no such thing
as an Amish Buddhist.
- I'm pretty f*cking sure.
- There could be.
Can we get some ketchup, please?
Do you guys not want to make money?
ALL: I want to make some money.
I want to make some
f*cking money, okay.
I can sell anything.
sh*t, I can sell ludes
to a convent full of nuns,
and get them so horny
they'd be f*cking each other.
That's the attitude.
You can sell anything?
Sell me this f*cking pen right here.
You can sell anything.
Sell that. Go ahead.
Sell me the pen.
Can I finish eating first?
I haven't eaten today.
Brad, show them how it's done. Boom.
Sell me that pen. Watch. Go on.
You want me to sell this f*cking pen?
That's my boy right there.
Can f*cking sell anything.
Why don't you do me a favor.
Write your name down
on that napkin for me.
I don't have a pen.
Exactly. Supply and demand, my friend.
Holy sh*t.
See what I'm saying?
He's creating urgency.
Get them to want to buy the stock.
Convince them it's something they need,
you know what I mean?
And that's the thing.
All nuns are lesbians.
What the f*ck are you
talking about, Otter?
OTTER: Think about it.
They can't keep a dude
so they're gonna start f*cking chicks.
Four f*cking times, Kimmie! Four times.
NICKY: He's not with us.
ROBBIE: Friggin' Rambo.
Now she runs.
JORDAN: But look. I knew these
guys weren't like Harvard MBAs.
Robbie Feinberg, the pinhead,
took five years to finish high school.
Alden Kupferberg, the Sea Otter,
didn't even graduate.
Chester Ming, the depraved Chinaman,
thought jujitsu was in Israel.
Smartest of the bunch
was Nicky Koskoff.
He actually went to law school.
I called him Rugrat
because of his piece of sh*t hairpiece.
Still, give them to me young,
hungry and stupid
and in no time, I'll make them rich.
TERESA: Oh, my God.
Jordan, that...
You like it, baby?
Oh, my God, it's beautiful.
They're not the biggest stones
in the world,
but I promise they're really high quality.
It's beautiful.
They're so beautiful.
Oh, boy.
What?
I know that look. What is it? Go ahead.
I don't know, it's... You know...
These stocks... These companies...
They're like crappy companies.
- Well, yeah.
- Okay.
Yeah, they're terrible.
Don't worry about it. I told you,
what I'm doing is completely legal.
Yeah, I know.
But they're not gonna make
anyone money though, right?
Well, sometimes they do,
sometimes they don't.
You know how it goes.
Wouldn't you feel better
if you sold that stuff to rich people
who can, like,
afford to lose all that money?
Of course.
But rich people don't buy penny stocks.
They just don't.
Why not?
JORDAN: Because they're too smart,
that's why not.
I mean,
what person with a college education
would trust this bunch of jerk-offs?
Hang up the phone.
Tell him you'll call him back.
I got 5 f*cking grand
on the phone right now!
Hey!
But what if they didn't sound
like a bunch of jerk-offs?
What if I could teach them
how to sell to people with money?
Real money.
So I decided to reinvent the company.
Gentlemen, welcome
to Stratton Oakmont.
You schnooks will now be targeting
the wealthiest 1% of Americans.
We're talking about whales here.
Moby f*cking Dicks.
And with this script,
which is now your new harpoon,
I'm gonna teach
each and every one of you
to be Captain f*cking Ahab.
Get it? Huh?
Captain who?
Captain Ahab. From the f*cking...
The book, m*therf*cker. From the book.
Turn your f*cking brain on.
- f*ck you.
- Jesus f*ck, Robbie.
JORDAN: Listen to me.
We're a new company with a new name.
A company that
our clients can believe in.
A company that our clients can trust.
A firm whose roots are
so deeply embedded into Wall Street
that our very founders sailed over
on the Mayflower
and chiseled the name Stratton Oakmont
right into Plymouth f*cking Rock!
- You got it?
- (ALL CHUCKLING)
What we're gonna do is this.
First we pitch 'em Disney, AT&T, IBM,
blue chip stocks exclusively.
Companies these people know.
Once we've suckered them in,
we unload the dog sh*t.
The pink sheets, the penny stocks,
where we make the money.
- 50% commission, baby.
- Ooh.
Now the key to making money
in a situation like this
is to position yourself now
before the settlement.
Because by the time you read about it
in The Wall Street Journal,
it's already too late.
Then you wait.
You wait.
And whoever speaks first loses.
CLIENT: Sorry, uh...
I appreciate the call.
I really have to give this some thought
and talk to my wife about it.
Can I call you back?
They don't know, right?
They gotta think about it,
they gotta talk to their f*cking wives,
or the f*cking Tooth Fairy.
Point is, it doesn't matter
what the f*ck they say.
The only real objection that they have is
that they don't trust you guys.
And why should they trust you?
I mean, look at you.
You're a bunch of f*cking
sleazy salesmen, right?
(ALL LAUGHING)
So, what do you say?
You mean to tell me
that if I put you in at Union Carbide at 7
and took you out at 32...
Texas Instruments at 11
and took you out at 47...
U.S. Steel at 16, took you out at 41...
You wouldn't be saying
to me right now, "Chester,
"pick me up a few thousand
shares of Disney
"on the spot, right now. Come on."
Honestly, Kevin? Honestly? Seriously?
I don't know you.
You cold-called me.
You're a total stranger.
I am in complete agreement with you.
You don't know me, I don't know you.
Let me introduce myself to you.
My name is Alden Kupferberg.
- Robbie Feinberg.
- Chester Ming.
I'm Senior Vice President
at Stratton Oakmont...
...and I plan on being one of the...
...top brokers in my firm next year.
And I'm not gonna get there
by being wrong, Stanley.
I do wanna say that you sound like a...
You sound like a pretty sincere guy.
- (LAUGHING)
- OTTER: It's not gonna make you rich
and it's not gonna make you poor.
But what this trade will do is serve as...
...a benchmark
for future business, Kevin.
You feel comfortable
with me now, Scotty?
And then you'll know for sure
that you finally found
a broker on Wall Street
that you can trust,
and who can consistently
make you money.
Sound fair enough?
(MOUTHING)
You know what... Yeah.
I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.
What are you thinking?
Kevin.
You give me one shot here
on a blue chip stock like Kodak,
and believe me, Kevin,
the only problem you're gonna have
is that you didn't buy more.
Sound fair enough?
sh*t. My...
Uh... (CHUCKLES)
My wife might divorce me, but...
Yeah, let's do it.
(ALL LAUGHING QUIETLY)
Excellent choice, Kevin.
How much do you
want to go for this time?
Let's do 5... $5,000.
Can we try 8,000, Kevin?
All right. Let's do 10.
- Ten.
- You want to do that?
Excellent choice!
Kevin, let me lock in that trade right now
and get back to you in a few minutes
with an exact confirmation, Kevin.
And welcome to Stratton Oakmont.
Thanks, man. I'm gonna have a beer.
This is fun.
Take it easy, Kev.
Hey, thanks, Jordan. Thanks a...
f*ck that m*therf*cker!
That's what I'm talking about!
What a f*cking idiot.
The one thing I know about
in this world is airlines.
And Cuchon Airlines
is the future of airlines.
Get in now or...
- I'm Nicky Koskoff...
- Chester Ming...
BOTH: and I'm a Senior Vice President
with Stratton Oakmont.
Judy, I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.
When did he pass?
Just say I'm wrong, right.
And the stock goes down
a couple points...
...and it makes you,
in the words of my grandfather,
God rest his soul, "A sh*t ton of money."
It's like getting in on f*cking sunlight
before there was f*cking sunlight.
You understand?
MAN: Can we do 8, 000 shares?
MAN 2: Okay, 25, 000.
That's a very intelligent decision.
I'm gonna transfer you
to my sales associate.
Rhonda!
- Rhonda!
...put you through to Andrea.
Has anybody f*cking seen Rhonda?
(BELL RINGING)
Everybody have a good week?
ALL: Yeah!
The end of the month.
$28.7 million in gross commissions,
all from pink sheet stock, boys!
And to celebrate with our weekly act
of debauchery,
I have offered our lovely sales assistant,
Danielle Harrison, here,
$10,000 to shave her f*cking head!
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Yeah!
(LAUGHING)
NICKY: Yeah, you want this?
You want this?
Let's scalp her! Scalp her!
NICKY: Let the scalping begin!
(ALL CONTINUE CHANTING)
ALL: Scalp! Scalp! Scalp!
JORDAN: FYI, boys,
Danielle has promised
to use this $10,000 for breast implants!
She's already got C cups,
but now she wants f*cking double D's!
Is this a great f*cking company or what?
Is this the greatest company
in the world?
Donnie!
Blow the roof off this m*therf*cker!
(MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
- Champagne?
- Whoo!
Send in the stripees!
(ALL CHEERING)
Mine!
(YELLING)
JORDAN: Word about us
spread throughout Wall Street.
Even the places I didn't want it to.
It wasn't long before Forbes magazine,
the flagship of Wall Street,
called to do a profile on me.
Let me ask you, how do you
see the future for Stratton Oakmont?
One word?
(EXHALES) Diversification.
Sounds good. Thank you so much.
I have more than enough.
- I appreciate your time.
- Fantastic.
Can we get a quick picture?
(CAMERA CLICKS)
JORDAN: A total f*cking hatchet job.
This conniving little twat! Look at this!
"The Wolf of Wall Street" they call me.
Look.
Your hair looks good.
- Well, my hair looks good.
- Yeah.
"Jordan Belfort,
"sounding like a kind
of twisted Robin Hood
"who takes from the rich
and gives to himself
"and his merry little band of brokers."
- Read that. Read it.
- Listen.
There is no such thing as bad publicity,
sweetheart.
Read the article, babe.
Jordan, you look great!
You're in a huge magazine.
Big f*cking deal I look great.
(PEOPLE CLAMORING)
MAN: Mr. Belfort!
Can you look at my resume, please?
Excuse me, excuse me, sir!
Calm the f*ck down!
What the hell's all this?
It's the Forbes article.
They all want to work for you now.
Hey! What did I say?
I'm just trying to be nice.
Hey, you want a job, you talk to me!
- Mr. Belfort!
- Give me one minute.
JORDAN: Forbes made me a superstar.
Every day, dozens of money-crazed kids
beat a path to my door.
If we hired 'em, they dropped
straight out of college overnight
and spent whatever allowance they had
on a new suit from our Stratton tailor.
Are you f*cking serious right now?
I mean, we were literally
putting clothes on these kids' backs.
And here comes this jerk-off
sniffing around.
But, you know, every time
someone rises up in this world,
there's always gonna be some as*h*le
trying to drag him down.
Within months, we doubled in size,
moved to even bigger offices.
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
It was a madhouse.
A greed-fest,
with equal parts cocaine,
testosterone, and body fluids.
(SCREAMING) Yes!
It got so bad, I had to declare the office
a f*ck-free zone
between the hours of 9:00 and 7:00.
But I'm telling you, even that didn't help.
Actually, the madness started
on our very first day,
when one of our brokers, Ben Jenner,
christened the elevator
by getting a blowjob
from a sales assistant.
Her name was Pam, and to her credit,
she did have this amazing technique,
with this wild twist and jerk motion.
About a month later,
Donnie and I decided to double-team her
on a Saturday afternoon
while our wives were out shopping
for Christmas dresses.
Eventually, Ben married her,
which was pretty amazing
considering she blew
every single guy in the office.
Then he got depressed
and k*lled himself three years later.
Anyway, I hired my dad, Max,
to maintain order as the Enforcer.
Stratton's very own Gestapo.
We called him Mad Max
because of his hair-trigger temper,
which could be set off by something
as innocuous as a ringing telephone.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Who the f*ck has the g*dd*mn gall
to call this house on a Tuesday night?
God damn it!
You're gonna miss it!
Ooh, please, tell me
something I don't know.
I wait all week for the f*cking Equalizer
and they have to f*cking... Hello.
JORDAN:
But as soon as he picked up the phone...
Gene. How are you, Gene?
...he'd affect this weird British accent.
Right-o, Gene, that'd be great.
Cheerio.
It was absolutely bizarre.
The f*cking halfwit!
- He'd hang up...
- You missed it!
...and then he's Mad Max all over again.
Damn it!
All right, tell me what happened.
What happened?
Well, he discovered it
was the mother's sister.
Who's he? Who? Tell me who...
The main guy. You know who the main...
The main guy...
It was his mother's sister.
She showed up dead.
(LAUGHING)
JORDAN:
Of course, Mad Max didn't have to know
everything we were doing at Stratton.
And then there's a big target and we...
They get launched at the target.
They stick.
NICKY: There's a bull's-eye
and the bull's-eye's a dollar sign.
Whoever gets closer to the dollar sign...
...gets the most points.
I'm gonna throw the sh*t out
of this little f*cking thing.
So if it gets hurt, what happens?
'Cause we're gonna get f*cking nuts.
I don't think he's gonna get hurt.
They're like...
They got like superhuman strength.
I think he's gonna be fine.
You can't look him right in the eyes.
You can't look him in the eye?
That's a fact. I saw it on PBS.
They get confused
and their wires get crossed.
You gotta look at their chin.
Like it looks like I'm looking at you
but I'm looking at your chin.
I feel like you're addressing me right
now, but you're not, are you?
They're like the Mona Lisa.
They find eye contact,
like, wherever you are
standing in the room.
And they lock in.
JORDAN: No, but there is a limit
to what we can do with them?
We're allowed to throw sh*t at 'em.
We're allowed to throw food? Bananas.
Any food. Correct.
But, for example, what I wouldn't do is
maybe like tell him to pull his c*ck out
and like get some of the girls to,
you know,
fondle him and sh*t like that.
That would be... That's unacceptable?
Let's keep that in our back pocket.
This guy is more about
throwing at the dartboard.
Correct. Yes, yes, yes.
The thing is, this is their gift, okay.
They're built to be thrown
like a lawn dart.
They're top heavy like a lawn dart.
So they're built for accuracy.
Oh, my God. Can we bowl with this guy?
That's his f*cking brother, Rob.
His brother's the bowling ball.
The brother,
you put a skateboard on him,
you strap him to a skateboard,
you toss him down an alley at some pins.
- No sh*t. That's interesting.
- Swear to f*cking God.
- Can we get that guy?
- Yeah, we'll get that guy, too.
But it says here this guy
will show his c*ck. Yeah.
- Instead of growing up. Yeah.
- He will?
They are very ornery by the way,
so you gotta be very careful
with these little guys.
Safety first.
Safety is first, all right?
I want somebody with
a f*cking tranquilizer g*n
ready to knock this f*ck out.
- Do we want to get like a...
- Mace. Taser g*ns.
A pellet g*n maybe?
No, a pellet g*n is gonna hurt him.
I just want him out. Knocked out cold.
But I say we stick with the loophole.
Right? Okay?
If we don't consider him a human,
we just consider it an act,
I think we're in the clear.
Like The Flying Wallendas.
You know, a lot of those guys died
but they never sued anybody.
The important thing
you guys gotta keep in mind
is that these things gossip.
They get together and they gossip.
- That's a good point.
- And the last thing
that we need is them
getting together and saying,
"Oh, they made fun of us."
Like, it's gonna make Stratton look bad.
That's why I love you.
You think of sh*t like that.
When they come in,
we treat it just like one of us. Okay?
(CHANTING) One of us.
Gooble gobble, one of us.
We accept them, one of us!
Gooble gobble, one of us.
We accept them, one of us.
Gooble gobble, one of us!
Jordan! Your dad's coming.
Something about the
American Express bill.
Can you get him out of here?
Yeah. Lick my twat.
No, I'm serious!
f*ck. Guys, act like we're working.
You got any f*cking stock forms?
He's coming, he's coming.
Make some sh*t up.
I think if we short Pfizer...
$430,000 in one month, Jordy, huh?
Four hundred and f*cking 30,000 f*cking
dollars in one f*cking month!
Good morning.
They're business expenses. Relax.
MAX: Business expenses?
JORDAN: Yes.
- Jordy, look what you got here.
- What?
Look at this.
$26,000 for one f*cking dinner!
Okay. No, no. This could be explained.
Dad, we had clients. The Pfizer clients.
Right. The porterhouse from Argentina.
Expensive champagne and...
We had to buy champagne.
And you ordered all the f*cking sides.
- Tell him about the sides.
- I ordered sides, so...
Sides? $26,000 worth of sides?
What are these sides?
They cure cancer?
The sides did cure cancer.
That's the problem.
That's why they were expensive.
- Shut the f*ck up.
- I'm serious.
- Stop.
- And EJ Entertainment?
What the f*ck is EJ Entertainment?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Well, that's, uh...
DONNIE: Yeah, Jordy,
what's EJ Entertainment?
How do I describe this?
Jord, what is that?
- It's a f*cking prostitution ring, Jordy!
- I know.
- That's what it is!
- That is what it is.
Isn't that the perfect description for it?
That is what it is.
But none of these were charged to me.
This is all of them.
- Oh, that was all us?
- It wasn't me though.
f*cking explain this sh*t to him!
These are all of your f*cking charges
right here!
The IRS, they allow for T&A. It's fine.
MAX: T&E!
T&E!
Yeah. I said T&E.
- No, no. You said T&A.
- No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.
- When did I say that?
- You said T&A. It's T&E.
I know you're upset about the dinner,
and that makes sense because we did
spend too much money. But I said T&E.
Don't tell me what you said.
I heard what you said.
- Dad. He said T&A.
- He did?
Absolutely, no question.
I'm trying to...
I'm getting this close!
- Dad, relax.
- I'm getting this close.
That's what I'm saying.
I want you to open up more, Max.
He's gonna f*cking k*ll you.
Why do you hold it in? Why do you...
Max, why do you hold it in?
That's it. Get the f*ck out of here!
- No, no, no!
- as*h*le, get out of here.
What kind of hooker takes credit cards?
A rich one.
JORDAN: At Stratton,
there were three kinds of hookers.
The Blue Chips, top of the line,
model material.
They cost between $300 and $500
and you had to wear a condom
unless you gave them a hefty tip,
which, of course, I always did.
Then came the NASDAQs,
who were pretty, not great.
They cost between 200 and 300 bucks.
Finally, there were the Pink Sheets.
Skanks.
They cost about 100 or less.
If you didn't wear a condom,
you'd have to get a penicillin shot
the next day
and pray your d*ck didn't fall off.
Not that we didn't f*ck them, too.
Believe me, we did.
Ow! It's that slipped disc thing again.
I know what it is. You know, too much...
...with EJ Entertainment.
Pops.
How are things at home?
Well, not the best.
She just doesn't...
You know what I'm saying?
It's like the smell...
There's a smell,
there's an attraction thing.
After a while it kind of fades away
a little bit.
Yeah, well. It's supposed to fade away.
- Supposed to?
- That's marriage. You know...
Your mother and I,
we've been married a long, long time.
What do you think? We're, we're...
We're jumping into bed
every two minutes?
- It doesn't work that way.
- I love her to death.
I want to stay married, Dad, but...
It's crazy out there.
Some of these girls...
You should see them.
Oh, my God!
They're f*cking...
The things they're doing now, Pops.
I mean...
I mean, it's on a whole other level.
- Really?
- And they're all shaved, too.
- Get out of here!
- All shaven.
- Are you kidding me?
- Yeah.
- Bald as a china doll.
- No bush?
- No bush.
- Oh, my God!
All of a sudden, one week, nobody had
anything down there anymore.
It's a new world.
They're bald from the eyebrows down.
- Wow.
- Nothing. Not a stitch. It's like lasers.
Wow. A new world.
I was born too... Too early.
I've never been a fan of the bush,
to be honest.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I don't mind it.
Dad.
I don't want you stressing out
about any of this.
How can I not get stressed out?
Look at the knuckleheads
you got working for you.
I know they're knuckleheads
but I need them to want to live like me,
you get it?
To live like me.
Jordy.
One of these days, the chickens are
gonna come home to roost.
You're looking at me like I'm crazy.
(SCOFFS) Crazy? This is obscene.
JORDAN: It was obscene.
In the normal world.
But who the f*ck wanted to live there?
JORDAN: Go party
your f*cking c*ck off!
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
JORDAN: We are
about to become f*cking legends
on Wall Street!
We got plans up here
that's gonna take this company
into the f*cking stratosphere!
(ALL CHEERING)
Wolfie! Wolfie!
f*ck Merrill Lynch. f*ck them.
Why should they be taking all our
f*cking money all the f*cking time?
This way we become the underwriters.
It was our next big move.
Finding companies to take public. IPOs.
It was the only way
these Wall Street pricks
would ever stop thinking of us
as some shitkicker bucket shop.
We got Arncliffe International.
JORDAN: See, we were a little different.
We liked to get as f*cked up as
possible during our business powwows
in order to stimulate
our free-flowing ideas,
which is why we were popping
these ludes like they were M&M's.
(SLURRING) Steve Madden.
We own the f*cking companies...
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- We own the companies...
Don't know what a lude is? I'll tell you.
Oh. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Looks like those ludes are working
their magic on Donnie right now.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC)
JORDAN: The Quaalude,
or lude, as it is commonly referred to,
was first synthesized in 1951
by an Indian doctor,
that's dots, not feathers,
as a sedative,
and was prescribed to stressed-out
housewives with sleep disorders.
But pretty soon someone figured out
that if you resisted
the urge to sleep for just 15 minutes,
you got a pretty kick-a*s high from it.
Didn't take long for people to
start abusing ludes, of course.
And in 1982,
the U.S. government Schedule 1'd them.
Along with the rest of the world.
Which meant there was
only a finite amount of these things left.
No sh*t,
you can't even buy 'em anymore.
You people are all sh*t out of luck.
What are you saying? What is it?
Steve Madden.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Steve Madden.
Steve.
JORDAN: You remember those ads?
Those giant-headed girls
with the bug eyes
wearing those big clunky shoes?
My friend from school, Steve Madden.
His friend from school, Steve Madden.
Steve Madden was the name in
women's shoes at the moment.
And all of Wall Street was
begging to take his company public.
Go ahead, go ahead, what is it?
Except, guess who grew up with him?
- Women's shoes.
- Women's shoes.
My very own Vice President.
- Women's shoes!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
Diamond Donnie Azoff.
- Steve Madden.
- Steve.
Steve.
Hey, JB, JB, JB, JB.
You gotta come check
this f*cking chick out.
Look at this. Look.
NICKY: I would f*ck that girl
if she was my sister.
I would let that girl give me f*cking A*DS.
ROBBIE: You want to see
the Wolf handle this?
She's hot.
Cristy.
Jordan, this is my friend Naomi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Naomi.
Naomi, nice to meet you.
You got an awesome place here.
I've don't think I've ever been
in a house this big before.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
Beautiful beach out there.
Blair Hollingsworth.
Hi, Blair. Nice to meet you.
- Your name's Blair, right?
- Yeah.
You like to Jet Ski?
NAOMI: I've never done it before.
JORDAN: You've never
Jet Ski'd in your life?
NAOMI: No, I've never Jet Ski'd.
You've never been on a Jet Ski?
How many times are you gonna ask her?
She's never been on a Jet Ski.
I don't know.
Might ask her a couple more times.
NAOMI: Okay. Sure. (GIGGLING)
Hi. I'm Hildy. Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
- Jordan, Teresa needs your help.
Yeah, I'll be out in a couple of minutes.
Just tell her I'll be out
in a couple of minutes.
Why don't you tell your wife that?
I might do that, but I'm having
- a conversation right now.
- What am I, your secretary?
You know what,
I think we should get going.
Wait, wait. Where you guys going?
We gotta go.
We got two other parties to go to.
- We can stay for a drink.
- Yeah, stay for a drink.
No. We got two other parties
we're supposed to get to.
NAOMI: But we can stay for a drink...
She's
perfect.
- You like champagne?
- I do.
DONNIE: She's perfect.
Donnie, what the f*ck are you doing?
You piece of...
(ALL LAUGHING)
You're gonna have to excuse my friend.
He gets...
Get the f*ck out!
Jordan, you gotta f*ck her, bro.
She's so hot!
Yeah, Donnie!
NICKY: Let him f*cking finish, Hildy.
That's f*cking rude.
Have some f*cking manners.
JORDAN: So, Bay Ridge,
that's near Staten Island, right?
Brooklyn, across the Verrazano Bridge.
Saturday Night Fever territory.
That's right. Guinea Gulch.
We call the Verrazano Bridge
the Guinea Gangplank.
Right.
So I presume you're Italian?
On my dad's side.
I'm also Dutch, German, English.
I'm a mutt.
Yeah. You're a mutt.
Yeah, I still have family over there
though, in London.
My Aunt Emma. She's the best.
Very British, you know.
She's a classy lady.
That explains it then.
Explains what?
It explains you.
I mean, you're a duchess, right?
The Duchess of Bay Ridge.
Excuse me.
Could I get a straw, please?
Thank you.
So I was, um, a little surprised
you asked Cristy for my number.
Why is that?
Aren't you married?
Well... Yeah, but what?
Married people can't have friends?
We're gonna be friends?
Yeah. You don't want to be my friend?
We're not gonna be friends.
NAOMI: And at night
I work on my designs.
I have an entire line of lingerie.
You know, camisoles, bustiers, panties.
JORDAN: She designs
women's panties, too?
Oh, my God!
Come on, Jordan,
think of a way to get up to her apartment.
You wanna come up for some tea
or something?
Tea? Yeah.
- Like hot tea?
- Yeah.
Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. Yeah.
Tea. f*ck, yeah,
I wanted to come up for tea.
Like Darjeeling or rose hip,
something nice like that?
NAOMI: Sure.
This is Rocky.
Oh, who's this? Say hi, Rocky.
- Hi, sweetheart.
- (BARKS)
Okay.
Why don't you light a fire or something
and I'll be right out.
- Yeah. Fire, here?
- Sure.
I like your painting here. It's, uh...
God, help me. How do I f*ck this girl?
(CLATTERING)
NAOMI: You all right?
Yeah, yeah.
Just trying to light the fire here.
(BEEPER RINGING)
That's it. That's it, you're leaving.
Don't get involved.
Go home to your wife.
(DOOR OPENING)
As you can probably guess,
I f*cked her g*dd*mn brains out...
JORDAN: (GRUNTING) Jesus Lord!
(NAOMI MOANING)
For 11 seconds.
(JORDAN GROANS)
NAOMI: Did you just come?
JORDAN: Oh, yeah, I just came.
Did you? Did you come?
- NAOMI: No.
- No?
Okay.
I'm still hard so just give me a sec.
Sure.
Come on, baby, come on.
(BARKING)
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
(ROCKY BARKING)
Oh, God!
NAOMI: f*ck off, Rocky! Bad dog.
You have a biscuit
or something like that?
It's okay.
- Just keep going.
- Rocky, go play.
Go play, Rocky. Go, go, go, go.
(ROCKY BARKING)
You're crazy.
JORDAN: I couldn't get enough.
I mean, her p*ssy was like heroin to me.
And it wasn't just about the sex, either.
Naomi and I got along. I mean, we...
We had similar interests and sh*t.
(NAOMI GIGGLING)
Ooh. Choo-choo train.
Yeah.
(HOOTING)
I think I can. I think I can.
I think I can. I think I can.
(SNORTING)
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, yeah.
Let's toke it all on there, huh?
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Oh, sh*t!
You!
Get out of the f*cking car!
- (GRUNTING)
- JORDAN: Jesus Christ.
Son of a b*tch! Oh, f*ck!
Relax, sweetheart. Relax.
- Son of a f*cking b*tch!
- Okay, okay... Geez!
Okay, babe, stop!
- Please.
- (GRUNTS) b*tch!
- What are you doing...
- That wh*re from the party?
(GROANS) Jesus Christ!
What the f*ck is wrong with you?
I thought you were at the f*cking beach!
I didn't know you were here!
That's where you've f*cking been?
With that f*cking wh*re from the party?
I thought you were at the beach house.
How could you do this to me?
(SOBBING)
- Sweetie, come on...
- Who the f*ck are you, Jordan?
You're like a completely
different f*cking person!
I made a mistake.
I don't know what to tell you, babe. I...
I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Is that who... Is that what you want?
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Do you love her?
Answer me.
(SOBBING)
JORDAN: I felt horrible.
Three days later, I filed for a divorce
and moved Naomi into the apartment.
Say what you will,
but the Duchess did have style.
She brought in a decorator,
feng shui'd the whole place.
She even hired a g*y butler.
This guy was smart,
sophisticated, professional.
Really, really great.
Is that jasmine?
Yes, sir. I tried to stump you
this evening. Very good.
Very good. Great nose.
JORDAN: Except for that one time.
(DANCE MUSIC)
(GASPS)
Oh, my God!
Oh, hey.
Is it Wednesday already?
- Uh...
- MAN: Oh, don't stop.
What the f*ck!
That is f*cked up!
He must have thought we were still
at the Hamptons this weekend,
you know.
Where were they doing it, sweetheart?
In the bedroom?
They were everywhere. There were
two guys over there on the table.
There were more over here.
- There were four right here.
- Ugh!
Are you f*cking serious? Right there?
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Oh, baby, it gets worse.
(SNIFFLES)
After they left, I checked the apartment.
Right. What?
What is it, babe? What?
JORDAN: Where's my money?
I don't know where your money...
Where is my f*cking money?
Where is it?
I don't know where your money is,
Mr. Belfort.
- I didn't do anything.
- If you don't get...
He's lying through his f*cking teeth.
Let's start from the beginning.
Let's start from the beginning, all right?
You invited some friends over, right?
One thing led to another.
Things got out of hand.
We understand that, we do.
(CHUCKLES)
We do blow all the time.
We're f*cking degenerates ourselves.
Look at us, right?
But money was stolen
from my apartment.
Right from my sock drawer. All right?
Like I said,
I don't know where your money is.
Just start from the beginning.
Who came over?
It was just a normal day.
I knew you were coming home
the next day.
So everything would be fine.
It'd be cleaned up.
I got a little high at breakfast.
So I got a little happy. I had some eggs,
I had a little bit of ice cream.
And then I said,
"Who do I know that likes ice cream?"
It's my friend, Rudy. So I called Rudy.
- Who's Rudy?
- Yeah, who's Rudy?
- You know who Rudy is. Come on.
- Me? I don't...
- You know...
- Who the f*ck is Rudy?
I don't know anyone named Rudy.
Last month. The Lollipop Club.
You know who Rudy was. Dancing...
- You know who Rudy is?
- (STAMMERING)
I don't f*cking know any...
What do you mean?
So he went to The Lollipop Club?
NICHOLAS: Oh, he was
at The Lollipop Club for sure.
On the stage, grinding with everybody.
I got f*cked up. I like to dance.
I don't know.
Maybe I met him, maybe I didn't.
I meet a lot of f*cking people.
- What are you saying?
- $50,000 was stolen
from my f*cking sock drawer!
All my girlfriend's jewelry is gone.
- Where the f*ck is it?
...Rudy. What the f*ck?
Did your f*cking little f*gg*t
friend Rudy take my sh*t?
Did he? Answer me!
Okay. Now I get it. Now I get why I'm...
- This is a g*y thing.
- JORDAN: Oh!
- See, all of you...
- (CHUCKLING)
You think this is 'cause you're a f*g?
My cousin's a f*cking f*gg*t.
And I go on vacation with him
and his boyfriend. I love f*gs.
JORDAN: You were in charge, right?
I will not be stolen from. You get that?
I f*cking like g*y people. I don't like you.
He should've hired a f*cking Mexican
like I have in my f*cking house.
(GROANING)
sh*t! What the f*ck...
TOBY: Talk, you f*ck, talk!
CHESTER:
I'm gonna drop you, you f*gg*t!
- TOBY: Where is it?
- (NICHOLAS SCREAMING)
JORDAN: Chester and Toby,
they went all yakuza on Nicholas.
You know, they got crazy.
I don't know!
JORDAN: I had to call the cops just to
keep them from k*lling the poor guy.
I gave them each 1,000 bucks
and told them what Nicholas had done.
Then they kicked his a*s.
Thanks again, Officer.
It's not like I cared about
the 50 grand anyway.
I was making that much
almost every day
through one rathole or another.
Now a rathole is a friend, like Brad here,
who held stock in his name for me.
Who are you supposed to be, huh?
Jack Nickle-Jew?
JORDAN: I'd drive the price up
then he'd sell
and kick most of the profits back to...
You guessed it, me.
All cash. None of it's on the books.
A big no-no, of course,
in the eyes of the law.
Enter our new securities attorney,
Manny Riskin.
700 bucks an hour
to be the voice of doom.
Listen to me. You piss up the SEC's leg,
you end up with your t*ts in a ringer.
Do not worry about it.
I have the SEC under control.
What the f*ck
are these imbeciles doing?
Hey! Hey!
- What are you doing? Hey!
- (WHOOPING)
We got the SEC in here.
JORDAN: The Securities
and Exchange Commission
sent two lawyers down
to review our files.
So I set them up in our conference room
and I had it bugged
and the air conditioning
turned up so high
that it felt like Antarctica in there.
Is it always this cold in here?
I don't know.
JORDAN: Then, while they were looking
for a smoking g*n in that room...
Arncliffe International is on fire.
...I was gonna fire off a bazooka in here,
offering up our latest IPO.
An IPO is an initial public offering.
It's the first time a stock is offered
for sale to the general population.
Now, as the firm taking
the company public,
we set the initial sales price
then sold those shares
right back to our friends. The...
Look. (CHUCKLES)
I know you're not
following what I'm saying anyway, right?
That's okay. That doesn't matter.
The real question is this.
(WHISPERS) "Was all this legal?"
Absolutely f*cking not.
But we were making more money
than we knew what to do with.
And what do you do when you're making
more money
than you know what to do with?
(MELLOW MUSIC)
Oh, my God!
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God.
Is that a yes? (CHUCKLES)
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
JORDAN: I held my bachelor party
at the Mirage in Las Vegas.
The flight there alone was a bacchanal.
One last blowout for the gods
before I settled down for good.
A hundred Strattonites,
50 hookers,
plus 50 more waiting once we landed.
Oh, and the drugs.
I mean, I tell you, our plane was
like a pharmacy with wings.
(BEEPING)
(ELECTRIC BLUES MUSIC)
All told,
the weekend cost me 2 million bucks,
including the cost
of refurbishing the entire 28th floor.
WOMAN: kiss the bride.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
JORDAN: Ah! But the wedding
was something out of a fairy tale.
With Naomi, my Duchess,
me, her handsome Duke,
and The Bahamas Ocean Club,
our castle.
(POP MUSIC)
Of course,
after the bachelor party, me, the Duke,
needed a few penicillin shots
so he could
safely consummate the marriage.
Hey! Barry Kleinman,
filming the wedding.
A few words for your son?
Jordan. Remember what I told you.
It involves your p*nis and her vag*na.
And you know,
you know what you can do, Jordy.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
(BLUES MUSIC)
Oh, my God!
Aunt Emma?
I can't believe you came!
Jordan! Jordan! Look who came!
It's Aunt Emma.
Aunt Emma.
- Oh, Jordan, dear, how lovely.
- Hey, how you doing?
It's a pleasure to finally meet you
in person.
Into the donuts, I see.
Oh, I... I...
Well...
I lived through the '60s, my dear.
Enjoy the day.
She surprised me. I didn't even know.
(LAUGHING)
JORDAN: Just one more step.
Are you ready?
- NAOMI: Where are we going?
- Keep your eyes closed.
One, two, three!
What is this?
JORDAN: (CHUCKLING)
It's your wedding present.
NAOMI: What?
JORDAN: It's your wedding present,
sweetheart.
What?
- Are you serious?
- I'm serious.
A f*cking yacht?
ROBIN LEACH: For millionaires
whose ships have come in,
pricey pleasure boats
are for the most fun afloat.
It's no coincidence that
its 150 feet of green hull
is the color of cash. Anchors aweigh!
Oh, my God! Baby!
- I think you like it?
- You're crazy.
- You like it?
- Yes!
JORDAN: For three weeks, we sailed
the Naomi through the Caribbean,
eventually taking her home
to Long Island,
where we bought a house.
Seven acres on the Gold Coast
of Long Island.
The most expensive real estate
in the world.
With maids, cooks, landscapers,
you name it.
We even had two guards
who worked in shifts.
Both named Rocco.
It was heaven on earth.
NAOMI: Wake up, you piece of sh*t!
- Ow!
- Who's Venice?
- Huh?
- Who?
Who? Who?
"Who?" What are you, a f*cking owl?
- Who is she?
- (STUTTERING)
Some little hooker
you were f*cking last night?
What the f*ck are you talking about? No.
No way, baby, no!
You were calling her name in your sleep!
Are you out of your f*cking mind?
I don't...
I don't even know who Venice is.
What the f*ck does that even mean?
Venice.
That's the stupidest sh*t
I've ever heard in my f*cking life!
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
JORDAN: (SLURRING) Venice...
Venice, baby, where are you?
Venice!
Where'd you go?
(GROANING)
Oh, baby.
Oh, you're gonna play rough, huh?
- Oh, Jesus Christ!
- You like that?
(GROANING)
I like it. I like it. Ow.
Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie, Wolfie.
Wolfie?
Yeah, it's my safe word, baby.
It's my safe word.
I don't give a f*ck about your safe word!
- (SCREAMS) Come on!
- Shut the f*ck up!
- Ahh!
- Shut up, you little b*tch!
You're a f*cking dirty little birdy!
Owie!
That's right.
That's right! I forgot.
(CHUCKLING) I forgot, baby.
Donnie and I were investing
in a condominium complex in Venice.
That's why all this confusion.
Oh, you're investing in Italy?
Not Italy. California.
- Oh, California?
- Yeah.
You're a lying piece of sh*t!
Duchess, baby, come on.
Don't you f*cking "Duchess" me.
- Don't you "Duchess" me!
- (APOLOGIZING)
Do you really think
that I don't know what you're up to?
- You're a father now, Jordan.
- Yeah.
- You're a father now.
- I know...
And you're still acting like an infant!
(SCREAMS) God damn it!
Baby, you know,
you got real anger issues.
Who is the one who flew in here
at 3:00 in the morning
on their stupid helicopter
and woke up Skylar? That was you!
Oh, Skylar! Oh, f*cking bullshit!
- (ALARMS BLARING)
- (BABY CRYING)
NAOMI: Does it even matter to you
that I just had that driving range
sodded with Bermuda grass, Jordan,
- and now you f*cking wrecked it!
- Oh, my God... Bermuda grass.
No, you didn't research the whole thing
and deal with the f*cking
golf course people!
Oh, my God,
you had to deal
with the golf course people, too!
What a Greek tragedy, honey!
Oh, my God!
You probably had to pay them in cash
with your hands!
What a f*cking burden.
And actually do some work
besides swiping
my f*cking credit card all day, huh?
Because I can't keep track
of your professions, honey.
'Cause last month
you were a wine connoisseur.
Now you're an aspiring
landscape architect!
- Let me get that right... No!
- f*ck you!
Don't f*cking dare throw that
f*cking water at me.
Don't you f*cking dare.
All right, honey?
Now will you just...
We could talk this out, all right?
We just use our words. You know?
Communicate.
Okay?
Come on, sweetheart.
Talk to me. Talk to me.
Stop flexing your muscles, Jordan.
You look like a f*cking imbecile.
Babe, come on.
You should feel happy you got a husband
who's in such great shape like this, huh?
Come here.
Come on, give me a kiss.
You look so beautiful right now.
- Come on.
- Kiss you?
- You look so beautiful...
- Kiss you?
Yeah, give me one...
f*ck you!
Ah, yes, my morning ritual.
First I'd get up and fight with Naomi
about whatever it is I did
the night before.
Next was a steam so I could sweat out
the drugs still in my system.
Then I'd assess the damage.
Drown out my eyeballs.
Take my "back pills"
to get the day started,
then seek to make up with Naomi.
Good morning, Daddy.
Where's my kiss?
Whee!
Hey, sweetheart.
Does Daddy get a kiss
from both of his little girls, huh?
Oh, no.
No, Daddy doesn't even
get to touch Mommy
for a very, very,
very long time.
Daddy's really sorry
about what he said in the other room.
He didn't mean any of it.
Daddy shouldn't waste his time.
And from now on,
it's gonna be nothing but short,
short skirts around the house.
And you know something else, Daddy?
Mommy is just
so sick and tired of wearing panties.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
In fact,
she's decided to throw them
all away.
(SIGHING)
So take a good look, Daddy.
You're gonna be seeing
an awful lot of this around the house.
Oh, baby...
Yeah, Mommy.
- Yeah...
- But no touching.
Oh, gosh.
Ow.
What's wrong, Daddy?
Mmm, baby.
God!
(SOBBING)
Look at this sh*t.
Okay. Mommy likes to
play games with Daddy.
Mommy, have you ever noticed
anything odd about Mr...
Mr. Fuzzy Bear over there?
His eyes seem
to be a little bit odd, don't they?
Yeah, there's something
a little bit different about his eyes.
(GASPS) Yes!
I think it's true. Say "Hi," Mommy.
Say "Hi" to Rocco and Rocco.
- Say "Hi." Hi, fellas.
- (CHUCKLES)
See that, huh?
Of all the f*cking days,
she chooses today to give me blue ba*ls!
I mean, today was the biggest day
in Stratton's history,
and I needed to be thinking straight.
Hey, Jordan!
- Welcome.
- Steve here yet?
JORDAN: This was the day
that we launched the Steve Madden IPO.
DONNIE: Troops are all here,
everyone's all rallied, excited.
JORDAN: Everything had to run tight.
It had to be perfect.
What the f*ck is that kid doing?
What's he doing?
The biggest IPO in this firm's history.
What the f*ck is he doing?
JANET: Is he... Is he wearing a bow tie?
Hi.
How're you doing?
Good.
You cleaning the fish bowl?
I just... I had a minute and...
You had a minute.
And today you needed to
clean the fish bowl? Today?
I had finished my paperwork
and I had a couple of minutes.
Okay. Nice to meet you.
On new issue day?
On c*ck,
m*therf*cking new issue day?
This is what you do?
Hey, everybody, listen up!
This is what happens when you f*ck
with your pets on new issue day!
(ALL GROANING)
Take your little bow tie, get your sh*t,
and get the f*ck out of my office!
You understand?
Get the f*ck out!
(ALL JEERING)
Everybody on point!
We are here to make money.
Everybody on point.
JORDAN: A real wolf pit,
which is exactly how I liked it.
Jordan, look what I caught in the lobby.
I caught a genius.
JORDAN: Enter Steve Madden.
The great American cobbler.
Red-hot ladies footwear impresario.
And thanks to Donnie,
we were taking his company public.
Stratton Oakmont was crawling
out of the primordial ooze.
Pond scum no more.
That's why they gotta see your face.
You get them fired up so they push
the sh*t out of this stock. Okay?
And not only that,
Donnie and I secretly owned
85% of Steve Madden Shoes,
which legally speaking was a big no-no,
but we'd get filthy f*cking rich
if our troops got behind it.
Our job was to get them worked up.
- But not too worked up.
- Shh.
- Hello. If, uh...
- (WHISTLES)
For those of you who don't know me,
uh...
My name's Steve Madden.
- Yeah, we know who you are.
- (LAUGHTER)
Your name is on the box.
Get the shoes. Show them the shoes.
- Show them the shoes.
- Okay. Yeah.
Anyway, you know,
this shoe is pretty cool.
This is the Mary Lou, which is really
the shoe that put me on the map.
Without it, I wouldn't be here.
It's a fat girls' shoe!
Believe it or not...
Believe it or not though,
the Mary Lou is actually the same
as the Mary Jane, but it's black leather.
(JEERING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Fight back! Come on!
Where you at? Where you at?
All right!
Let's give it up for Steve Madden
and his awesome Mary Lou!
Hold that up. Hold that up.
Hold that up proud!
Give him a round of applause!
You guys got that
out of your systems, huh?
You having a good afternoon or what?
I wanna take a moment
and tell you why Steve here is so
absolutely off the f*cking wall.
It's because this man
is a creative genius.
This ability, this gift
that Steve has,
it goes beyond just
spotting the hottest shoe trends.
Steve's power is that he creates trends.
You understand?
Artists like Steve come along
once every decade.
I'm talking Giorgio Armani,
Gianni Versace, Coco Chanel,
Yves Saint Laurent.
Steve, come over here for a second.
I don't think you all realize
that Steve Madden
is the hottest person
in the women's shoe industry,
with orders going through the roof
at every department store
in North America right now.
We have him here in our office!
We should thank
our f*cking lucky stars this man is here!
We should be
on our hands and knees right now,
getting ready to suck this guy off!
Like this! Okay?
(LAUGHTER)
I wanna suck you off, Steve!
Everyone's gonna suck you off!
This is our golden ticket
to the f*cking chocolate factory
right here!
(CHEERING)
And I wanna meet
Willy f*cking Wonka, okay?
I wanna be with the
f*cking Oompa Loompas like this!
All right, get off this f*cking stage!
Get out of here.
All right, I want you all
to focus for a second.
See those little black boxes?
They're called telephones.
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret about these telephones.
They're not gonna dial themselves.
Okay?
Without you,
they're just worthless hunks of plastic.
Like a loaded M16 without a trained
Marine to pull the trigger.
And in the case of the telephone,
it's up to each and every one of you,
my highly-trained Strattonites.
My K*llers!
My K*llers,
who will not take no for an answer!
My f*cking warriors,
who will not hang up the phone
until their client either buys
or f*cking dies!
(ALL CHEERING)
Let me tell you something.
There is no nobility in poverty.
I have been a rich man
and I have been a poor man.
And I choose rich every f*cking time.
(CHEERING)
Because at least as a rich man,
when I have to face my problems,
I show up in the back of a limo,
wearing a $2,000 suit
and a $40,000 gold f*cking watch!
(YELLING)
Duke it out! Hit him!
Get the f*ck off me!
And if anyone here thinks I'm superficial
or materialistic,
go get a job at f*cking McDonald's,
'cause that's where you f*cking belong!
But before you depart
this room full of winners,
I want you to take a good look
at the person next to you. Go on.
Because sometime in
the not-so-distant future,
you're gonna be pulling up to a red light
in your beat-up old f*cking Pinto,
and that person's gonna be
pulling up right alongside you
in their brand new Porsche
with their beautiful wife by their side,
who's got big voluptuous t*ts.
(ALL LAUGH)
And who're you gonna be sitting next to?
Some disgusting wildebeest
with three days of razor-stubble,
in a sleeveless muumuu,
crammed in next to you
in a carload full of groceries
from the f*cking Price Club!
That's who you're gonna
be sitting next to!
So you listen to me and you listen well.
Are you behind on your credit card bills?
Good!
Pick up the phone and start dialing!
Is your landlord ready to evict you?
Good!
Pick up the phone and start dialing!
Does your girlfriend think
you're a f*cking worthless loser?
Good!
Pick up the phone and start dialing!
I want you to deal with your problems
by becoming rich!
(ALL CHEERING)
All you have to do today
is pick up that phone
and speak the words
that I have taught you.
And I will make you richer
than the most powerful CEO
in the United States of f*cking America!
- Yeah!
- (CHEERING)
f*ck, yeah!
I want you to go out there
and I want you to ram
Steve Madden stock
down your clients' throats
until they f*cking choke on it!
Till they choke on it and they buy
100,000 shares! That's what I want.
Yeah! f*ck, yeah.
You be ferocious!
- You be relentless!
- ALL: Yeah!
You be telephone f*cking t*rrorists!
Now let's knock this m*therf*cker
out of the park!
(CHEERING LOUDLY)
(PEPPY SONG)
JORDAN: At 1:00 p.m., we opened
the stock for sale at $4.50 a share.
By 1:03, it was over $18.
Even the big Wall Street firms
were buying.
Of the two million shares
offered for sale,
a million belonged to me,
held in phony accounts by my ratholes.
Now once the price hit the high teens...
(CHUCKLES) You know what?
Who gives a sh*t?
As always, the point is this.
$22 million in three f*cking hours!
Can you believe this sh*t?
- I f*cking love this, baby!
- It's amazing!
JANET: Jordan!
Barry Kleinman's on the phone
- from Future Video.
- Who?
I don't know. He shot at your wedding.
He says it's urgent.
Urgent?
Who the f*ck is Barry Kleinman?
Oh, my God, you wanna marry me?
You're in love with me?
Yeah. Go f*ck your cousin!
Hey, Barry, what's up?
Listen, I got this subpoena.
Subpoena?
What the f*ck are you talking about?
Yeah, the FBI, they want a copy
of your wedding video.
JORDAN: The f*cking FBI?
- You f*cking kidding me?
- BO: Listen to me.
His name is Denham.
He's an agent with the New York office.
JORDAN: What's his problem?
BO: He's a Boy Scout.
He thinks you're f*cking Gordon Gekko.
JORDAN: What does he want
with my wedding video?
It's like an invasion of my privacy.
You know what I'm saying? It's like...
It's intrusive, you know.
He's got pictures of your
whole inner f*cking circle.
Pictures, names of the people.
You know what he's trying to do?
Exactly what he's doing. Look at yourself.
He's trying to rattle you,
he's trying to rattle your old lady,
so she nags you
until you become a f*cking witness.
He wants me to rat on myself?
He wants me
to give information about my...
Listen. The good f*cking news is,
you know I know everybody downtown,
I call up the Justice Department,
the DEA,
nobody even knows you f*cking exist,
so calm down!
They don't know I exist?
- No.
- That's good.
But you...
You know who he is, right?
- Yeah.
- So, if I just wanted to get
some more information,
just find out what he knows,
you could go to his house, right?
Tap his phones a little bit, bug him.
You could get some information...
You don't f*ck with these guys like that.
You don't f*ck with them like that.
What are you, nuts or something?
This is what you f*cking do.
What do I pay you for?
I have a f*cking P.I. license, you know?
I make a living at this.
I'm not a cop anymore.
They'll take my f*cking license
away from me, all right?
Okay.
Okay, if I can't do that, can I just...
Can I give the guy a call?
- Why? Is that...
- Jordan. Jordan.
Do me a favor?
The only one who calls this guy
is your f*cking lawyer.
I can't call him, right?
- It's against the rules?
- I told you,
whatever the f*ck you say to him,
he's gonna use against you.
Don't you understand?
He's smart, you're dumb.
f*cking bullshit.
Are we f*cking talking tonight,
or are you gonna get schwacked?
The last time you took
these f*cking pills,
you put your head in
the f*cking macaroni. I had to pick it up.
All right.
Okay, I won't call him.
Hey, fellas! Come on board.
The plank's right around there.
Welcome!
Whoo! What a nice day.
Hey.
Welcome aboard.
Jordan. Welcome aboard the Naomi.
Pleasure to meet you.
Agent Denham. This is Agent Hughes.
Hi, how are you?
Let me introduce you. This is Nicole,
Heidi. Come on. Don't be shy.
What are you guys all shy for?
Don't be scared.
These are friends of Stratton.
- It's a pleasure.
- Hello.
Um... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Your message said
that you wanted to speak privately.
Right. I do want to speak privately.
Give us a minute, huh, ladies?
Let me know if I can get you anything.
We'd be happy to help.
You guys hungry?
Want something to eat?
Got some pasta, shrimp, lobster.
I got whiskey.
Any kind of booze you want.
You know what?
The Bureau doesn't allow us
to drink while we're at sea.
Duh! Of course.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Ever been on one of these before?
A boat?
I learned how to sail when I was six.
No sh*t. Is that right? Really?
On one like this, though?
I had the whole front extended
in order to fit the chopper up there.
See that?
Anyway, this is for you.
It's a complete list of every person
that was at my wedding.
I understand you wanted
the whole wedding video.
Figured this would help
expedite the whole process, right?
- There you go.
- Look,
my point is that
I know you're investigating Stratton.
But for the life of me,
I can't figure out why.
I know we're a little unorthodox,
we're a little
loud in the way we do things.
But you gotta understand,
we're the new guys on the block,
you know,
we're trying to make
a name for ourselves.
But I want you to understand, we don't
do anything ill*gal.
Whatsoever.
I mean, you could talk to the SEC.
They were at my office 15 times
over the last six months.
I mean, I got... I got nothing to hide.
Well, you know the SEC is
a civil regulatory agency.
We pursue criminal activities.
Exactly! You go after real criminals,
which
makes me wonder
what the hell you're investigating me for?
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- I mean, honestly...
What is it that you think
that we did or do? I don't get it.
Well, I...
Look, Jordan,
I can't discuss an ongoing investigation.
No, I get that. No, I understand.
With that said...
This case got dumped on my desk...
- Did it?
- You know, by a higher-up
who needs to make a show
of looking into the new company
on the block,
- with all the press and everything.
- New loud guys.
And then I end up being the schmuck
who does the looking. Exactly.
It's just, you know... It bothers me.
We're the new guy. We're the one
that's banging on Wall Street's door.
I mean, you should...
You should see
what's going on at the bigger firms.
I mean, I know all the information.
It's true!
Goldman, Lehman Brothers, Merrill...
Collateralized debt obligations?
This Internet stock bullshit?
I mean, it's a f*cking travesty.
I could take you step-by-step
through what exactly is occurring.
All you have to do is ask.
I'm available.
- That's exactly what I wanted to hear.
- Mmm-hmm.
I don't see why a little sitdown like this
can't be profitable for the both of us.
It should. Right?
It should profit the both of us.
- It should.
- Look.
I'm gonna give you my personal line.
Five days a week,
you just call me, feel free.
- I'll do that.
- Great.
Are you sure you guys don't
want something to drink?
You're not hungry? Nothing?
- Nothing? No?
- Oh, no.
Let me ask you,
and if you don't wanna get too personal,
- just tell me to shut up at any time.
- Oh.
Did you try to get
your broker's license at one time?
Did I hear that right? Were you trying to
take a stab at Wall Street?
- No? (CHUCKLES)
- Who you been talking to?
Who the f*ck you been talking to?
Well, you're investigating me.
- I hear things.
- (LAUGHING)
You know what I mean?
You ever think about
what would've happened
if you would have stayed the course?
You know what?
When I'm riding home on the subway
and my ba*ls are f*cking sweating,
I'm wearing the same suit
three days in a row...
Yeah, you bet I do.
I've thought about it before.
Who wouldn't, right?
Right, who f*cking wouldn't?
What do you get...
Another personal question,
no need to answer...
No, that's all right, Jordan.
What do you pull in? 50, 60K?
Something like that?
- A year? In the ballpark?
- Oh.
Well, I...
Let's put it this way.
You get a free handgun
- when you sign up for the Bureau.
- (CHUCKLING)
No, but it f*cking pisses me off.
You know what I mean?
You think about the people
that built this country,
hardworking people like you.
Firefighters, teachers, FBI agents.
End of the day, you guys get
f*cking skinned alive financially.
It f*cking makes me angry.
Now the one thing about Wall Street
and this market is,
for me, I feel
it's good to give back.
You know, there's...
There are situations where I can
make those situations better for people.
You know?
You know what I mean.
Opportunity
is everything.
Exactly.
Take for example,
I got this one kid, right?
Went to school for environmental
science, something like that.
He was bogged down by student loans.
Turns out, his mother needed
triple bypass surgery.
- Jesus.
- Right. Horrible situation.
Sure.
But we got him into the market
at the right time
and chose the right stock.
We gave him the right guidance.
Boom! Overnight, changed his entire life.
Got to put his mother into
the best hospital in New York City.
It didn't work out for her,
granted, she passed away, unfortunately.
But we gave him that opportunity.
You know what I'm saying?
It's just about setting up the right team,
and then overnight your life can change.
What does... What does an intern...
What does an intern
make in a deal like that?
Well, in that situation,
in that particular trade,
and it was one trade,
north of half a million dollars.
And I'd do that for anybody, you know,
anybody that needs the proper guidance.
Can you say that again,
just the way you said it?
Just the same way.
Oh.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, come on!
You know what I'm talking about.
I think what Jordan just did is he...
- If I'm not mistaken...
- No.
...you just tried to bribe a federal officer.
No, technically I didn't bribe anybody.
No, no, that's not the conversation
I heard, Jordan.
No, no,
according to the U.S. criminal code,
there needs to be an exact dollar figure
- for the exchange of services.
- Oh!
That would not hold up in a court of law.
Nah, it's not how I heard it.
No, no, no, that's the truth.
But I want to tell you this.
Yeah.
The same gentleman that told me
that you tried to get your broker's license
also told me that
you are a straight arrow.
He ran a security check on me.
Well...
Yeah, when you sail
on a boat fit for a Bond villain,
sometimes you need to play the part.
Right?
I think it's time you both
get the f*ck off my boat.
- What do you say? Hmm?
- (CHUCKLING)
You know, Jordan, I'll tell you something.
Most of the Wall Street jackasses
that I bust,
they're to the manor born.
- Is that right?
- Yeah.
Their fathers are douchebags,
just like their fathers before them.
But you...
You, Jordan,
you got this way all on your own.
Did I?
- Good for you, little man.
- Little man?
- (LAUGHING)
- Good for you.
Me, the little man?
And let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something else.
Honestly, I'm not bullshitting here,
this is one of the nicest boats
- that I've ever been on, I gotta tell you.
- I bet it is.
And you know
what I was just thinking, too?
The f*cking hero
that I'm gonna be back at the office
when the Bureau seizes
this f*cking boat.
Because, I mean,
f*ck-f*ck-f*ck, Jordan,
- look at this thing!
- (BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)
It's beautiful!
And you got the beautiful girls there.
It's wonderful.
All right, get the f*ck off my boat.
I'm sure we'll be seeing each other
- real soon.
- I'm sure.
Good luck on that subway ride home
to your miserable, ugly f*cking wives.
I'm gonna have Heidi lick some caviar off
my ba*ls in the meantime.
Hey, you guys want to take some
lobsters for your ride home?
f*cking miserable pricks,
I know you can't afford them!
f*cking cheap f*ck.
f*cking miserable pricks. (WHISTLES)
Hey, fellas!
Look what I found in my pocket! Look!
A year's salary right here.
You know what I call them?
Fun coupons!
See that!
They're fun coupons!
(SIGHS)
Switzerland?
What the f*ck is in Switzerland?
JORDAN: Swiss f*cking banks,
that's what.
It was a*s-covering time.
I had to hide my money.
Enter Rugrat.
He knew this Swiss banker
from law school.
That's for European p*ssy!
JORDAN: But he was in Geneva.
And there was no way
I was gonna make that flight sober.
So I knew if I took my drugs right,
I could sleep through the entire flight.
But I had to take them just right.
At 4:00 p.m., I popped a few more ludes,
which started kicking in by the time
I finished my sales meeting.
My tingle phase.
By dinner, I popped a few more
on top of some c*ck
and a Valium or two.
My slur phase.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
By 8:30, I took a few more ludes
and pretty much lost all my motor skills.
This was the drool phase.
And by 10:00, I didn't know
who or what the f*ck I was.
The amnesia phase.
We boarded the plane
just before midnight.
Wow! Look at you!
- You're beautiful.
- Excuse me, sir.
His sleeping pills just kicked in.
He's all right.
May I see your boarding passes, sir?
We have the boarding passes.
Jesus Christ, I wanna f*ck her.
Hey! f*cking relax.
Oh, my God!
You got your hand on my f*cking c*ck!
I don't. Cut it out.
He's got his hand on my d*ck again.
I'm just trying to buckle you up.
You got your hand on his d*ck?
You gotta stop doing that
in public places.
Oh, my God. Take it off!
Take it off!
I heard there's a treasure map
under here.
- Stop! I know, miss.
- Excuse me, sir.
Please sit down.
- Watch it.
- Go back to your seat, please.
- What are you upset about?
- Please go back to your seat.
I will have to call the captain.
Please, sir, please, sir. Sit down.
- Please sit down!
- NICKY: Ow!
- I'm going! Stop.
- Okay, sorry.
We apologize. We're gonna go to sleep.
Question. I wanna ask you a question.
Fasten your seat belt, sir.
We cannot take off
if you haven't fastened
- your seat belt.
- I'm really horny, too.
STEWARDESS: Sit down. Fasten it.
- Right. Okay, I'll sit down...
- I will do it for you.
- DONNIE: What?
- I'll do it for you.
JORDAN: You gotta speak English.
We don't understand
this language you're speaking.
I will help him with his seat belt.
- You gotta put it on right.
- Sit back. Sit back, sir.
- There you go.
- All right. I'll just lean back...
(LAUGHING)
Bitte, Hilfe!
(BOTH MIMICKING STEWARDESS)
Jesus Christ!
f*ck!
Donnie...
Donnie, this isn't funny.
You gotta untie me, buddy.
I can't untie you.
The captain tied you up.
He almost f*cking tasered you.
Why?
(INDISTINCT YELLING)
He's got a fear of flying.
Ah!
DONNIE: He's very nervous on planes,
I'm sorry,
it's not you, sweetheart,
don't beat yourself up.
Easy, easy. He's fine.
He's just a nervous flyer.
You were screaming at people.
Oh, f*ck off.
You were on the floor
rolling around and sh*t.
Oh, Jesus.
You called the captain the *-word.
I called the captain the *-word?
- Yeah, he was very upset.
- Really?
- Luckily we're in first class.
- Jesus.
Jesus Christ, I think
you have a f*cking drug problem.
Where are the ludes?
They're up my a*s. Don't worry about it.
- I got it.
- (SIGHS) Okay.
Thank God.
Jesus Christ, what are we gonna do
when we get to Switzerland, buddy?
This is bad.
f*cking things are against my chest.
I can't breathe.
Come on, do something
to calm me down. Please.
Okay, shut the f*ck up. Shut the f*ck up.
(WHIMPERING)
Okay. Shh! Shh!
That's good.
- (SING-SONG) Go to sleep.
- Rub it harder, buddy.
You're all right.
We all love you. Shut the f*ck up!
(BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH)
Mr. Belfort,
you're free to go.
Really?
Whoo!
- NICKY: Hey, Donnie.
- Yeah?
NICKY: When we get out there,
try not to act like yourself.
Okay? Let's make Geneva
an as*h*le-free Donnie zone, all right?
DONNIE: What are you
f*cking coming at me for?
Hey, listen.
The only reason you're sitting in this limo
and not in a Swiss jail
is because of my friend. Okay?
Hilfe!
(ALL CHUCKLE)
NICKY: We're here. We're here.
Everyone calm down.
Jordan Belfort!
At last.
Nicholas has told me
so much about you.
Jordan, Jean Jacques Saurel.
- Pleasure to make your acquaintance.
- Nice to meet you.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- JEAN JACQUES: It's a joke.
You'll understand
when you're in the f*cking seat.
You need a bigger couch. For guests.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I don't understand. I'm sorry.
I'm curious about
your bank secrecy laws here.
Uh... Wait. Yes. Excusez-moi, Jordan.
Swiss custom requires 10 minutes of...
Blah, blah, blah.
- Chit chat.
- Yeah, chit chat, thank you.
...before business can be discussed.
Yeah.
Of course.
Let's get down to it.
What would you like to know?
Under what circumstances
would you be obligated
to cooperate with an FBI
or a U.S. Justice Department
investigation, for example?
ça depend.
ça depend?
Oui.
Ça depend on what, exactly?
Whether America plans
to invade Switzerland
- in the coming months.
- (LAUGHTER)
Shall I check if tanks are
rolling down the Rue de la Croy?
- Yes. Rue de la Croix.
- Croix. Croix.
Not Croy. Not Rue de la Croy. It's Croix.
See, this is what he used to do
back in law school. Check me.
- Champagne. Champagne.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. French fries, pommes frites.
- And that kind of stuff.
- That's funny.
JORDAN: What I'm asking,
you Swiss d*ck,
is are you going to f*ck me over?
JEAN JACQUES: I understand perfectly,
you American sh*t.
The only way
the Banque Réal de Genève
would cooperate
with a foreign legal body
is if the crime being pursued
is also a crime in Switzerland.
But there are very few Swiss laws
which apply to your practices.
Hmm.
From a financial standpoint,
you are now
in heaven.
See, I told you he was fantastic, right?
If the U.S. Justice Department
sent us a subpoena, it would become
papier toilette.
We would wipe our a*s with it.
(LAUGHTER)
Unless, of course, it was an investigation
into stock fraud,
which is a crime here in Switzerland,
if I'm correct.
Then there would have to
be coopération on your part,
- if I'm not mistaken.
- Yes.
Yes, we would. Mmm-hmm.
Assuming the account is
under your name.
If it were
another name,
a friend's, camarade...
Cousin?
(AGREEING IN FRENCH)
- Relative?
- JEAN JACQUES: Yeah.
Hmm.
JORDAN: Was that yodeling I just heard
or did you just say
what I thought you said?
JEAN JACQUES: Yes. Yes.
JORDAN: He's telling me
to use a f*cking rathole.
But a U.S. rathole would never get
into Switzerland with all that money.
What I needed was a rathole
with a European passport.
Jordan.
Hey. How's my favorite aunt, huh?
Welcome. Was the traffic terrible?
Oh, no, not at all.
Jordan, come in.
Thank God Aunt Emma didn't
need too much convincing.
Turned out the British weren't
too different from the Swiss.
Money talks and bullshit takes the bus.
How do you say "rathole" in British?
If you get into any trouble whatsoever,
I'll come forth immediately.
I'll say that I duped you.
That I promise.
Risk is what keeps us young,
isn't it, darling?
Sometimes I wonder
if you let money get the best of you,
my love.
Among
other substances.
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
It's that obvious, huh?
It's chilly, darling,
and you're sweating b*ll*ts.
What can I say? I'm...
I'm a drug addict.
I really am.
Cocaine, pills,
whatever it is, I'll f*cking do it.
(CHUCKLES)
Now that's the truth.
I mean...
I'm a sex addict, too.
Well, there are worse things
to be addicted to than sex.
(LAUGHS)
Jesus, why am I telling you all this?
Why am I...
I'm sorry.
Because I'm very easy to talk to.
- You are. You are easy to talk to.
- Mmm.
I suppose it's...
Just my job, you know.
All these people dependent on me.
Tens of millions of dollars at stake,
you know.
Sometimes I feel like I...
I've bitten off more than I can chew,
you know.
You're a man with large appetites.
Yeah.
Is she f*cking hitting on me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
I suppose I put that
on myself though, right?
My decision.
It's just hard to...
Hard to learn to control
the anxiety sometimes, you know?
You know, to...
Learn to relax and let go and...
To release the tension.
JORDAN: She is hitting on me.
Holy sh*t!
Yeah, to release the tension.
I suppose we, uh...
We all just need to learn, uh...
Learn to do what comes naturally in life,
you know?
EMMA: Is he f*cking hitting on me?
Stability, dear.
Family.
You take care of my niece, my love.
I'll take care of everything over here.
Deal.
JORDAN: (MOANING)
Come on! There you go.
Whoo!
We had, literally, a f*ck of money.
Aunt Emma could never
carry all this by herself.
So I thought to myself,
who else has a European passport?
Brad, you're making this
too f*cking tight!
Now Brad, as a successful drug dealer,
spent his winters in the south of France,
which is where he met his wife,
Chantalle,
a stripper of Slovenian origin
born, in of all places,
Switzerland.
Well, this is f*cked.
Oh. No sh*t.
Like, this will take her like 50 trips.
I know.
Let me ask you something?
What about her family? Right?
I mean, they all got Swiss passports,
right.
She's got parents,
she's got a brother, right?
The brother's got a wife.
That's five f*cking people.
Six, seven trips, boom, right?
They're all f*cking Swiss nitwits like her.
- They'll do it.
- We could do that.
At least I have a family,
you crooked-nose f*ck!
Hey, uh, don't forget about my money.
I'm sorry, what's that?
Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
He's got some...
- He's got some money.
- My money.
I got a couple of mil
coming in like a week.
When it gets in, I'll give you a call,
you come pick it up.
You give me a call?
When it gets here, I'll give you a call
and you'll come pick it up.
Well, we don't f*cking work for you, man!
- (SHUSHING)
- DONNIE: Sweetheart,
you have my money taped to your t*ts.
Okay? Technically, you do work for me.
Hey, Jordan, we're gonna need to talk.
If I f*cking do this,
I'm telling you right now,
I ain't going to him, okay.
- I'm not a f*cking shvartze.
- I got it.
I don't do f*cking pickups, all right?
- I got it.
- Well, listen to me.
We meet someplace that I f*cking say.
And you tell that f*cking piece of sh*t,
- he comes correct.
- I will.
He comes in all f*cking loopy
and f*cked up, I swear to God
I'll mash that douchebag's teeth in.
You're gonna mash
whose f*cking teeth in?
Whose f*cking teeth
are you gonna mash in?
I put the money on that f*cking table!
Not you!
I'm the reason
we have this whole f*cking deal!
- He's got a g*n, you f*cking idiot!
- f*ck his g*n!
I put that money in there!
You know what?
You're a f*cking pill dealer.
I got five more just like you, bro.
Keep talking, you f*cking piece of sh*t!
You know what else? You dress like sh*t!
So f*ck you!
- f*cking m*therf*cker!
- Oh! Jesus!
How about that, f*gg*t? Who's a f*gg*t?
JORDAN: You okay? Hey, pal.
The next day,
Aunt Emma flew to Geneva.
Two million in cash in her carry-on,
which in the big picture
was a drop in the Swiss bucket.
'Cause the following month,
over the course of six round trips,
Chantalle's family and friends
smuggled in over 20 million in cash
without even a hiccup.
(LAUGHS)
- And I have some more.
- Really?
- Here.
- Oh, thank you.
And here.
JEAN JACQUES: Welcome.
CHANTALLE: Welcome. (GIGGLING)
- Yeah, like four bags of it.
- Ooh!
(LAUGHS)
Are you Swiss-Slovakian
or Swiss-Slovenian?
- Slovenian.
- Slovenian?
Who cares. You're blonde.
Oh, stop.
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
sh*t.
Just put the f*cking car in park,
you dumb f*cking idiot!
I can't close this briefcase.
One f*cking day.
One f*cking day,
you couldn't keep it together?
I'm f*cked up, Brad.
- Gotta be f*cking kidding me.
- f*cked up.
- It's a joke.
- It's a joke?
- I'm sober.
- Jesus f*cking Christ!
It's a f*cking joke.
- Are you f*cking stupid?
- I'm not stupid.
You f*cking drive in here
like a f*cking maniac,
you know the attention that
that f*cking draws?
- I'm not stupid. I'm smart.
- Smart?
- I make million-dollar deals.
- That right?
With smart important people, unlike you.
People who don't sucker-punch people
when they're scared. Okay?
- I'm scared, huh?
- And by the way,
I haven't gotten an apology yet for that.
You want an apology, okay.
I check my f*cking messages every day
- when I come home from work.
- Did you?
- My answering machine. Zero.
- Didn't get one, huh?
I got a blinking light,
because I don't have sh*t from you.
You know what,
you got a big f*cking mouth, okay?
I got my wife checking the messages
every 45 minutes
calling the office, saying,
"Has Brad apologized yet?
"Is there an apology message
on the machine?"
I don't have jack sh*t. You know what?
That's not how you treat people.
You got a big f*cking mouth, you know.
I'm gonna give you a f*cking pass.
Just give me the case.
(SCOFFS) You're gonna
give me a pass?
Look, it's a figure of f*cking speech.
Oh, my gosh. The Emperor of f*ck
came down from f*ck
to give me a pass!
From f*ck, huh?
Hey, what are the citizens
of f*ck doing today
when their Emperor's gone?
Is it mayhem?
Are people looting and raping?
What are all the little f*ck
doing while you're here?
Go f*ck yourself! Give me the bag.
You back the f*ck up.
I'll cause the biggest f*cking scene
that I've ever caused in my life
if you come at me again.
- You know what?
- Just f*cking keep it down.
I got...
I don't wanna be out of line or anything,
but I think you like, like me. Like you...
Like when you come at me...
What's the matter with you?
What the f*ck is...
...and you look at me.
I swear I just noticed it.
You have like a f*cking, like...
Like a twinkle. You have like a twinkle.
Are you trying to kiss me, bro?
Jesus f*cking Christ.
- What's with you?
- I have a... I don't know.
- It's not a h*m* thing.
- All right...
You're just not the one for me, pal.
You know what I mean? It's not...
- It's not about that for me, you know.
- I've heard enough.
Please, I'm begging,
give me the f*cking case.
- I'm gonna give you the case.
- Give me the case.
- You gotta do me one favor.
- What's that?
You gotta take this case,
you gotta drive straight home,
need you to open up the briefcase,
and you take out every single dollar.
Don't leave one dollar
inside the briefcase.
And once you have it all
neatly organized outside the briefcase,
I need you to take it
and I need you to shove it right up
your wife's Latvian c**t, you understand?
- My f*cking wife!
- Chill! Chill, bro.
f*ck. You m*therf*cking piece of sh*t!
- How about now?
- (SIREN WAILING)
DONNIE: Go, go!
BRAD: f*ck!
(ENGINE STARTING)
Motherfuck! You're f*cking dead!
Stop! Don't move! Don't move!
Stop, or I will blow you the f*ck away!
Drop the case! Put your hands in the air!
- Get down.
- (SCREAMS)
Get down on your knees!
Get down on your knees!
m*therf*cker!
Jordan, do I have a surprise for you!
What's that?
Twenty real Lemmons.
Retired pharmacist's client of mine,
they've been in the safe for 15 years.
Are you f*cking kidding me? Lemmons?
Ha-ha!
DONNIE: They're gonna knock us
on our f*cking heads.
JORDAN: When it comes to Quaaludes,
the Lemmon 714 was the Holy Grail.
- Can you believe it?
- Oh, my God.
DONNIE: I thought they were like a myth.
JORDAN: Three times
as powerful as anything available today.
JORDAN: Look at these babies.
Boy, Donnie really knew
how to celebrate.
He said he was saving these
for a special occasion.
Like a birthday, or being clap free,
or our money arriving safely
in Switzerland.
(RETCHES)
So that night,
I cleared my schedule and I rid my body
of anything that could f*ck with my high.
It was celebration time.
Okay.
Start off with one, see how it goes?
My guy says all we'll need is one.
Here you go.
- Salud!
- Cheers.
Maybe if I pull it again, it'll go down.
Steve! Steve!
I gotta get out of here!
Carl, I think I got it figured out.
It must be one pull for up
and two pulls for down.
Okay.
Do you feel anything?
No.
It's been 35 minutes.
Hmm.
Maybe we've built up a tolerance
after all these years, huh?
Hmm.
DONNIE: This is bullshit!
My metabolism's pumping.
I can't feel sh*t!
They're old.
You think they lost their potency, huh?
Check the bottle!
January '81.
They're f*cking duds.
f*ck!
Let's take, uh...
Let's take two more each.
- NAOMI: Jordan.
- Yeah, baby.
What are you two ret*rds doing?
We're working out, honey.
Well, Bo Dietl's on the phone.
Okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Hey, Bo, what's going on?
Jordan, listen to me clearly.
I cannot talk to you on this phone,
I have to talk to you.
Get out of here. What's going on?
Listen to me!
Leave the f*cking house, Jordan,
and then call me from a pay phone.
This is not a f*cking joke, Jordan.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
- sh*t.
- What'd he say?
I don't know what the f*ck's going on.
- I gotta go!
- Is everything okay, Jordan?
JORDAN:
The closest pay phone I could get to
was at the Brookville Country Club.
It was a real WASP stronghold,
just a mile down the road
from my house.
Hey, Bo, what's up, it's me.
What's going on?
I'm at a pay phone. What's going on?
Listen to me carefully.
Please. Your little friend there, Brad,
your little buddy, he's in jail.
What the f*ck's he in jail for?
- What'd he do?
- I don't know what he did.
My friends in Long Island told me
he got picked up
in some f*cking shopping mall.
He got locked up by...
Wait, wait. Did you...
Did you say a shopping mall?
- Yeah.
- He was with Donnie.
He was supposed
to deliver some money,
- then that f*cking fat piece of sh*t...
- Listen to me!
I gotta go f*cking talk to him right now!
Listen to me! Don't go! Listen to me.
That guy Denham, that FBI agent guy,
somebody told me he's got
your phones tapped.
Your office and your home.
Don't talk on the m*therf*cking phone!
Okay. f*ck! I got it. I got it. I got it.
Jordan.
You didn't try to bribe this
f*cking FBI agent, did you?
No, I didn't try to bribe an FBI agent.
You think I'm that f*cking stupid? No.
What the f*ck did you say?
I can't understand you.
Say that again.
I said... (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
What the f*ck are you saying?
(PANTING)
I said...
Are you f*cking high?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Jordan, are you f*cking high?
Jordan, do me a favor,
stay where you are.
Don't get behind the wheel of the car.
I'm gonna send Rocco over
to pick you up.
Jordan! Jordan!
JORDAN: After 15 years in storage,
the Lemmons had developed
a delayed fuse.
It took 90 minutes for these little f*ck
to kick in.
But once they did...
Pow!
I mean, I had skipped the tingle phase
and went straight to the drool phase.
BO: Tell me where you are!
Don't f*cking drive...
JORDAN: These little b*stards
were so strong,
I discovered a whole new phase.
The cerebral palsy phase.
Come on, stand up!
Okay, walking's out.
All right, think, think. What else is there?
Yes! I can crawl. I can crawl like Skylar!
(GRUNTS)
f*ck! The kid makes it
look so g*dd*mn easy!
Think, you m*therf*cker, think!
Yes!
I got it! I've got it!
I can roll! I can roll!
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
Ah!
(MOANING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Ah!
(JORDAN YELLING)
NAOMI: Jordan.
(JORDAN YELLS)
Jordan.
Oh, Jesus. Where are you?
(SLURRING) I'm at a country club!
What?
I'm at a country club!
I don't know what the f*ck you're saying.
Look, you need to get home.
Donnie is out of control!
He's on the other line
with some Swiss guy. I don't know...
What?
Get him off the phone!
I can't understand you!
Get him
off
the phone!
I don't know what the f*ck
you're saying, Jordan.
Can you just get home? Hurry!
(JORDAN YELLING GIBBERISH)
(SOBBING)
JORDAN: I was less
than a mile from home.
I drove as slow as I f*cking could.
I'd seen Jell-O move faster.
DONNIE: (SLURRING)
I was gonna give you 2 million.
I's gonna be lates.
You ate 2 million?
Later.
JORDAN: Get off the phone.
Get off the f*cking phone! Idiot!
(CAR HONKING)
MAN: Get out of the way, as*h*le!
(DONNIE SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
You hate 2 million?
No, you don't hate 2 million, Donnie.
JORDAN: By some miracle,
I made it home alive,
not a scratch on me or the car.
(GRUNTING)
- (DONNIE MUMBLING)
- (TV PLAYING)
- NAOMI: Jordan?
- (SCREAMS)
Jesus f*cking Christ!
What did you take?
What's wrong with you?
Jor!
It's f*cking good, right?
f*cked up!
(LAUGHS)
Get off the phone!
What the f*ck, Jordan?
Your daughter's in the house!
I hope you know that!
Your f*cking daughter's in the house!
- (DONNIE LAUGHING)
- Yeah, it's real f*cking funny, Donnie.
Get off the phone!
(LAUGHS)
NAOMI: Jesus Christ, Jordan.
The FBI!
Hey!
I'm on phone!
Get off the f*cking phone!
- Come here!
...the phone.
NAOMI: Come on.
We're gonna go upstairs, all right.
Ow!
I'm on the phone!
On the phone!
I know what you did,
you piece of sh*t!
What? What?
Brad!
Huh?
Brad!
You f*cking c*cksucker!
(SCREAMS)
What did you do,
you piece of sh*t?
f*ck you!
I wanna f*cking k*ll you!
I got you!
(GROANS)
(MOANING)
(COUGHS)
(CHOKING)
What the f*ck happened?
Oh, sh*t!
Jordan? Jordan, are you all right?
Donnie? Donnie?
Donnie?
Jordan, he's not breathing.
Oh, f*ck, I don't know what to do.
Jordan, I don't know what the f*ck to do!
I can't help him! Oh, my God. Jordan.
Oh, my God, I think he's choking,
Jordan. Do something.
- Oh, God.
- JORDAN: Baby, I got you!
He's not breathing, Jordan.
You gotta do something!
sh*t! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
OLIVE OYL: Ah!
I got you.
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(INHALING)
Oh!
Step aside!
Oh, God!
Move aside, baby.
(JORDAN GRUNTING)
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
(CHOKING)
Jordan, he's not breathing.
You gotta do something.
Jordan, he's a father!
He's got f*cking kids!
- Do something!
- Yeah?
(BLOWING)
(GRUNTS)
NAOMI: Rocco, you gotta get over here.
- Come on.
- Call an ambulance!
I don't f*cking know!
Just get over here! Call 911.
(GASPING)
(YELLING)
Yeah.
You all right? He's all right.
POLICE OFFICER: Mr. Belfort?
Mr. Belfort?
JORDAN: Get the f*ck out of here.
f*ck. (COUGHS)
Sir, we need to ask you some questions.
Are you f*cking kidding me? f*ck you.
POLICE OFFICER: Come on, get up.
Get the f*ck out of my house.
- Let's go.
- I've been here all night.
I been sitting here all night.
What the f*ck are you talking about?
- Where you taking him?
- Where you taking me?
Where you taking him?
You ain't got no warrant.
Just come up in people's house like that!
Did you drive your car tonight,
Mr. Belfort?
Huh?
Well?
JORDAN: Wow!
Maybe I hadn't made it home okay.
Get out of the f*cking way!
f*ck!
POLICE OFFICER: Did you drive
that car tonight?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, right.
I'm a family man!
Family man. Honey!
It was a miracle I wasn't k*lled,
or that I didn't k*ll anybody else.
The cops took me in for questioning,
but they couldn't charge me.
They had no proof
I was even behind the wheel.
Meanwhile,
Brad did three months in jail
for contempt
because he wouldn't rat Donnie out.
The result,
I was scot-free.
But I had eyes on me like never before.
MANNY: You're a lucky man, Jordan.
You're lucky to be alive,
let alone not in jail.
You know I don't believe in luck, right?
But it's time.
Please, let me call the SEC
and cut a deal
before your luck runs out.
NAOMI: Wave to Daddy.
Hey.
Hey, sweetie.
(CHUCKLES)
What kind of terms would you
be talking about if I...
MANNY: I don't know.
You plead guilty
to a handful of securities violations,
stock manipulation,
high-pressure sales tactics.
Ticky-tack sh*t like that, you know.
You pay a couple million dollars in fines,
in exchange,
the SEC f*ck off till the end of time.
And Stratton?
What happens to Stratton?
There's no way... I mean...
You got to walk away. Right?
Let Donnie be in charge.
Right. Donnie.
Now the FBI is
another animal completely.
They'll still be pursuing you
for criminal wrongdoing.
However, with you stepping
down voluntarily,
my guess is that
your best friend Agent Denham
will be standing around
with his d*ck in his hand.
MAX: Jordan.
What do you have to think about?
You beat them.
You won!
God knows you never
have to work again.
MAX: What're you gonna do?
Spend the rest of your life in jail?
- Is that what you want?
- No.
- Of course not.
- Okay.
Okay! You got all the money in the world.
You need everybody else's money?
- Of course not, Pops.
- Well?
- You know, I built it.
- I know you built it.
You built it, so now preserve it.
(ALL MURMURING)
(APPLAUDING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
You know,
five years ago,
when I started Stratton Oakmont
with Donnie Azoff, I knew the day
would eventually come
where I'd have to be moving on.
(SIGHS)
And it's truly with a heavy heart
that I'm here to say that...
That that day is finally here.
(ALL MURMURING)
I wanna...
I want to thank you all for your...
Your years of loyalty and admiration.
But the point is this.
Under Donnie's leadership,
along with Nicky Koskoff
and Robbie Feinberg
moving into key management positions,
this place really
is gonna be better than ever!
That I promise you. Okay?
Give them a round of applause.
Come on.
This is Ellis Island here, people.
I don't care who you are,
where you're from,
whether your relatives came over
on the f*cking Mayflower
or on an inner tube from Haiti,
this right here is the land of opportunity.
Stratton Oakmont is America!
All of you know Kimmie Belzer, right?
- WOMAN: Yes, we do.
- (MEN WHISTLING)
f*ck you.
- (ALL LAUGHS)
- Come on, Kimmie.
What you probably didn't know is,
Kimmie was one of
the first brokers here,
one of Stratton's original 20.
Now most of you met Kimmie,
the beautiful sophisticated woman
that she is today.
A woman that wears
$3,000 Armani suits.
(CHUCKLES)
Who drives a brand-new
Mercedes-Benz.
A woman who spends
her winters in the Bahamas
and summers in the Hamptons!
That's not the Kimmie that I met.
The Kimmie that I met
didn't have two nickels to rub together.
She was a single mom
on the ba*ls of her a*s
with an 8-year-old son.
Okay? She was
three months behind on her rent.
And when she came to me
and asked me for a job,
she asked for a $5,000 advance
just so she could pay her son's tuition.
And what'd I do, Kimmie?
Go on, tell them.
You wrote me a check
for $25,000.
That's right.
Thank you.
And you know why that is?
It's because I believed in you.
It's because I believed in you, Kimmie,
just like I believe in each
and every one of you here today.
- I f*cking love you, Jordan!
- I f*cking love you.
I f*cking love you! I love you.
I f*cking love you, too!
I f*cking love you, too!
And I love all of you!
And I love all of you
from the bottom of my heart.
- I f*cking love you, too.
- I mean that.
You are the sh*t.
You are the f*cking sh*t.
It's a shame, you know.
For years, I've been telling you guys
never to take no for an answer, right?
You know, to keep pushing,
to never hang up the phone
until you get what you want.
Because you all deserve it.
You know, this f*cking deal
that I'm about to sign
barring me from the securities industry,
barring me from Stratton,
my home.
What the f*ck is that, you know?
I'll tell you what it is. It's...
It's me taking no for an answer,
you know.
It's them...
It's them selling me,
not the other way around.
It's me being a hypocrite is what it is.
So...
You know what?
I'm not leaving.
(ALL MURMURING)
I'm not leaving.
I'm not f*cking leaving!
(ALL CHEERING)
MAN: You're not getting
a f*cking promotion!
The show goes on!
This is my home!
They're gonna need
a f*cking wrecking ball
to take me out of here!
They're gonna need to
send in the National Guard
or f*cking SWAT team
'cause I ain't going nowhere!
f*ck them!
(HUMMING)
(ALL HUMMING)
Jordy! Jordy!
Jordy! Get back here!
Hey!
Give me that.
(CAWING)
MAX: What is this?
Ramar of the Jungle, for Christ sake?
MAN: Paddy D, mazel tov, you Irishman.
Jordan Belfort just welched
on his deal with the SEC.
He is back in the ocean. Happy hunting.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC)
JORDAN: It was our time to party big.
And just as Brad
was released from jail, too.
I apologized, even offered to pay him
for his time in the can.
But he said no, that he was out.
He didn't want any part of us.
Sad thing was,
two years later
he was dead.
Massive heart attack. Thirty-five.
Same age Mozart died.
Not that they have a hell
of a lot in common, but...
Anyway, I don't know
why that came to mind.
Within days,
subpoenas started flying.
Notices to produce documents,
depositions, you name it.
Donnie couldn't drink water fast enough.
DONNIE: United States government
wants to give me a subpoena?
Here's what we do with subpoenas
at Stratton Oakmont!
f*ck you, USA! f*ck you!
f*ck you! f*ck you!
ALL: (CHANTING) f*ck you!
Oh!
Jordan Belfort.
ATTORNEY: Alden. That's a nice name.
Thank you very much for that.
- What kind of name is that?
- That is my name.
I do not recall that.
I do not recall that. Okay?
ATTORNEY: Mr. Ming,
thank you for coming in today.
Are you gonna finish
the rest of that Danish?
- Can I have that Danish?
- No, no, go ahead.
JORDAN: They interrogated everybody.
I got a low blood sugar, thyroid thing.
JORDAN: It went on for months.
It was a total f*cking harassment.
Tell him to proceed with the questions.
JORDAN: But not a single
Strattonite cracked.
ATTORNEY: Gladys Carrera?
Doesn't ring a bell.
Sorry, I have no recommendation of that.
No.
No idea.
I don't recall that transaction.
You guys have any milk?
Absolutely not.
ATTORNEY: Francis Sortigi
you called so many times
I just thought you might remember that.
Would you remember any of those?
- I do not recall any of that.
- This Abdul...
I do not... No, I don't recall.
ATTORNEY: It was a long phone call.
I just wondered
if you have any memory of that.
Okay. You know we've talked to several
of the employees at this firm
and nobody can recall anything
about this Steve Madden IPO.
I think it's odd.
MANNY: Do you recall
Cartage Corporation?
Mmm.
You do recall it?
No, I don't recall that at all.
Excuse me. I have to ask.
Is that your real hair?
Are you gonna say anything about that?
Are you gonna comment on my hair?
Is that how we're doing...
Is this personal questions?
I'm just wondering
why you would wear something like that.
Sorry. I don't recall that company.
Can I get you anything else, gentlemen?
Yes. Sweetheart, I have a rare condition
which requires me to drink one of those
every 15 minutes, please.
We were specifically advised
not to leave the country.
So, we took our wives to Italy.
We figured we were safer
working from overseas
giving orders to Rugrat.
Nobody could arrest us
and nobody could prove
I was still running Stratton from a yacht.
Hey, Rugrat.
- Oh!
- Bonjour.
You bald-headed eagle, how you doing?
Donnie, Donnie, listen!
We have a problem, okay.
Your friend, Steve Madden,
is unloading shares.
What are you saying? Who told you that?
- What's going on?
- He's doing it, Donnie!
He said that
Steve Madden's unloading shares.
Who told you that? It's bullshit!
Give me that g*dd*mn phone.
What's going on?
Jordan, look. I'm watching the screen
and huge chunks of Steve Madden
are being sold, okay.
It's not coming from us,
so it's gotta be Steve.
He's the only person
with that many shares.
It's Donnie. Call me back, all right.
Donnie, your little friend
is trying to f*ck me, you know that.
Your little friend is trying to
f*ck me right in the a*s.
- Get him on the phone now!
- We don't know anything yet.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
JORDAN: Even though I owned 85%
of Steve-c*ck-
m*therf*cking-Madden Shoes,
the shares were in his f*cking name.
This m*therf*cker knew
I was in trouble with the feds
and was trying to take advantage.
Talk to me, man.
How do you wanna play this?
I want you to get all our clients
on the phone right now
and have them start
selling Steve Madden.
We're gonna drive
that f*cking price down!
Do you hear me? Shut the f*ck up!
This is your f*cking friend
from high school.
If that little f*cking prick thinks
he can f*ck with me,
we'll turn his company
into a penny stock! You hear me?
- You got it?
- Yes. I got it!
DONNIE: Let's ust not
jump to conclusions
before we know what's going on.
Captain Ted!
Hang up your phones! Everybody, hey!
Turn the boat around!
We're going home!
(NAOMI SOBBING)
Baby! Baby, what happened?
I just...
Sweetheart, what's going on?
Aunt Emma...
Just wait.
I can't...
What's going on? Why you crying?
- She's dead!
- Who? Who's dead?
I just got a call from my cousin Betty.
Yeah?
Aunt Emma is dead.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?
- No.
You're serious?
Oh, my God! Baby, that's...
Oh, f*ck!
Oh, sweetheart, that's just...
f*cking heart attack!
Boom, snap, gone.
Shuffled off her mortal coil.
And $20 million stuck
in a Swiss bank account.
The last time I talked to her
she was fine!
- She's not that old.
- Oh, God! Baby, oh, God!
That's so f*cking terrible!
Oh, f*ck!
It is terrible.
Your aunt was such an elegant,
attractive woman.
My condolences to you and your family.
Yes. We're absolutely devastated.
Thank you so much
for your condolences.
Now where does that leave us
in regard to her account exactly?
Does it go into probate or what?
Not to worry, Jordan. Not to worry.
Your aunt, before she died,
signed a document naming you
as her successor.
She did? (LAUGHS)
Fantastic! Well, that's good news!
Well, not as of yet.
What does that mean? Not as of yet?
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
I can't seem to hear you.
I must have bad reception.
Are you speaking English?
- Very... Now. Fast. Very fast.
- Fast?
I have to get to Switzerland now?
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
Speak English! f*cking speak English!
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey. Hey! Quiet, okay?
Take your suit, take your d*ck, okay,
- and move your a*s! Please.
- Okay.
- (SPEAKING FRENCH)
- Move my a*s! Yes!
I gotta say, these Swiss were
some sneaky m*therf*ckers.
Within minutes,
he had me set up with a forger
who could fake Aunt Emma's signature.
You American sh*t!
I just had to get there by tomorrow,
or lose $20 million.
We're going to Monaco!
- Monaco? Now?
- Yes, baby.
We're going to Monaco,
so then we can go to Switzerland, okay?
- But her aunt just died.
- I realize that.
But I have business in Switzerland.
I need to go to Switzerland right now.
Bottom line. Sorry.
We gotta get to London.
Why? Why?
The funeral!
Yeah, but babe. Look, look...
I loved your aunt
more than anyone in the entire world.
I really did.
But she's dead now, sweetie.
She's dead
and she's not going anywhere.
She'll still be dead by the time
we get to London, okay?
Captain Ted! Captain Ted, all right, look.
We're going to Monaco.
Monaco now, okay?
Monaco, right.
We're going to Monaco
so that we can drive to Switzerland
so they don't stamp our passports.
Take care of business here,
we'll drive back to Monaco,
take a flight over to London
to catch the funeral
and be in New York
in three f*cking business days!
That's the f*cking plan.
I just want you to know
that we might run into some chop.
Chop?
We can f*cking handle chop, right?
I mean, it's a 170-foot yacht.
No, no, no. We're not going anywhere
unless he says it's safe, all right.
- Don't worry about the chop.
- It's safe.
You don't know sh*t about chop.
Oh, really? And you do?
You're a f*cking expert on that.
I'll chop your f*cking credit card in half.
How about that?
Chop is fine. Trust me. Chop is fine.
Is chop fine, Captain Ted?
Uh...
Yeah. I mean, if we take it slow.
Yeah, we're gonna take it slow.
It's a little uncomfortable.
Tell them it's safe.
CAPTAIN TED: It's gonna be safe.
We'll batten down the hatches
and secure the deck.
And we're looking at a few...
Maybe a few broken dishes.
Few broken dishes. (LAUGHS)
What's a few broken dishes?
Does that sound f*cking awesome
or what?
No. Not really.
We're gonna have a f*cking good time!
Let's go to f*cking Monaco now!
Let's f*cking move! Let's go!
(THUNDER CRACKING)
CAPTAIN TED: Hold on!
What the f*ck is going on out here?
The Jet Skis just went overboard!
Oh, Jesus Christ! Honey, you okay?
MAN: (OVER RADIO)
Gale warning! Gale warning!
CAPTAIN TED: The waves are
20 feet high and building!
Turn around,
let's go the other f*cking way.
- CAPTAIN TED: We can't!
- Go!
We'll get broad-sided. It'll tip over!
I am a master diver. You hear that?
I'm a master diver!
No one's gonna f*cking die!
I got you, baby. I got you.
Trust me, okay?
I love you.
I love you, baby. Just hold on tight.
Okay.
Donnie!
Hold on, baby!
Donnie!
- What?
- Hold on, baby.
(WHISPERING) Get the f*cking ludes.
I don't wanna die, Jordan!
I did a lot of bad sh*t.
I'm going to hell, Jordan!
(SOBBING) I f*cked up!
I f*cked up so bad!
Get the ludes! Downstairs!
What are you saying?
f*ck!
Get the ludes!
I can't go down there, Jordan.
It's flooded.
It's three feet of water down there!
I will not die sober!
Get those f*cking ludes!
Okay!
- Go!
- Okay.
NAOMI: Where's he going?
JORDAN: Hold on, baby!
NAOMI: Donnie! Is he f*cking crazy?
JORDAN: He's just warning everybody!
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Jesus Christ!
Hold on!
Get away from the window!
Rogue wave!
Mayday!
This is Captain Ted Beecham
aboard the yacht Naomi!
- We are going down!
- I got 'em!
I got 'em!
Give me one for the nerves!
We're going down!
CAPTAIN TED:
This is a f*cking Mayday!
We require immediate assistance!
- (SCREAMS)
- Hold on!
Watch out!
(PEPPY SONG)
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
JORDAN: The nice thing about
getting rescued by Italians
is that they feed you,
make you drink red wine,
then you get to dance.
Did you see that?
That was the plane
I sent to come get us.
I sh*t you not, it exploded
when a seagull flew into the engine.
Three people k*lled.
You want a sign from God?
Well, after all this,
I finally got the message.
(INFOMERCIAL MUSIC)
Do you dream of becoming
financially independent
but struggle every month
just to pay your bills?
Would you like to own a home like this,
but can barely afford to pay your rent?
My name is Jordan Belfort,
and there's no secret to wealth creation.
No matter who you are,
no matter where you came from,
you too can become
financially independent
in just a matter of months.
All you need is a strategy.
When I was 24 years old,
I made a decision not just to survive,
but to thrive.
WOMAN: At first I didn't
feel like deals like these were possible.
But we have the house
and we have a $33,000 profit.
I certainly believe now.
Think about it for a second.
If you don't have the guts
to attend Jordan Belfort's
Straight Line Persuasion
System seminar,
then how do you expect
to make any money?
JORDAN: If you want to be
a millionaire someday,
have some guts. Make a decision.
Jordan Belfort's setup worked for me
because I worked hard for it.
And if it doesn't work for you,
it's because you're lazy.
And you should get a job at McDonald's.
JORDAN: There's nobody
holding you back from financial freedom.
And there's nobody stopping you
from making millions.
Don't just sit at home,
or the life of your dreams
will sail right past you.
I changed all these people's lives
and I can change yours, too!
So come to my seminar!
The life of your dreams is only...
Good to see you again, Jordan.
You're under arrest!
You gotta be joking!
You're kidding me.
Hey, get the f*ck away from me!
Turn that camera off.
JORDAN: I'm f*cking
sh**ting a f*cking infomercial here,
you f*cking c*cksucker!
- f*ck you, you m*therf*cker!
- Shut the f*cking camera off.
You don't got sh*t on me, you hear me!
Go f*ck yourself!
I'm making an honest living,
you f*cking piece of sh*t!
DENHAM: Hey, Jordan,
let me give you a little legal advice.
Shut the f*ck up!
JORDAN: Oh, f*ck you,
you f*cking prick!
I'm making an honest living,
you m*therf*cker!
JORDAN: I clean up my act.
I did rehab. I'm a TV personality.
I'm sober for two years.
And this happens!
Rugrat goes and gets busted
down in Miami.
I'm Swiss, I'm not communist.
JORDAN: And guess who the f*ck with?
Saurel.
- You gonna beat me?
- No, sir.
Yeah, I know your country.
You're gonna beat me.
JORDAN: I mean,
what are the f*cking odds?
There had to be 10,000 Swiss bankers
in Geneva,
and Rugrat gets the one dumb enough
to get himself arrested on U.S. soil.
I know.
(SOBBING) I'm so sorry.
JORDAN: Even more f*cked
- was that he got busted
- (CAMERA CLICKING)
for sh*t that had nothing to do with me.
It had nothing to f*cking do with me.
Something about laundering drug money
through offshore boat racing
and a guy named Rocky Aoki,
you know, the founder of Benihana.
Benihana.
Beni-f*cking-hana!
(YELLING) Beni-f*cking-hana!
Why?
Why, why, God?
Why would you be so cruel
as to choose a chain
of f*cking hibachi restaurants
to take me down?
Long story short. Saurel rats me out.
But not before he rats out Brad's wife,
Chantalle,
who, it turns out, he'd been f*cking
every time she went to Switzerland!
- No, no, no, it's impossible.
- Oui, oui, oui.
- All right!
- Ah! (GIGGLING)
JUDGE: One count
engaging in conspiracy
to commit securities fraud.
Two counts securities fraud.
One count engaging in conspiracy
to commit money laundering.
Twenty-one counts money laundering.
One count obstruction of justice.
Bail is set at $10 million.
DONNIE: Uncle Donnie's here!
Rocky. How you doing?
Woof. I hate that f*cking dog.
Yeah, he's getting old and decrepit.
Starting to sh*t in the house again.
- Me, too.
- Come here, buddy.
Ah, f*ck.
- It's good to see you, pal.
- Yeah, you, too.
Good to see you.
Sit down. Oh, man.
How you doing, brother?
(SIGHING) You know.
Shitty, pal.
But I'm hanging in there.
My new piece of jewelry. Check that out.
Can't leave the house, you know?
Starting to get cabin fever already.
f*cking Rugrat.
That wig-wearing f*gg*t.
I can't believe that f*cking guy.
I wanna k*ll him.
Swear to God,
I want to choke him to death.
Irresponsible little prick.
(SCOFFS)
I'll tell you one thing.
I'm never eating at Benihana again.
I don't care whose birthday it is.
Where's Naomi? How's she doing?
That's her in the house there.
You could say hi,
but she probably won't wave back.
Naomi, sweetheart!
What's up her a*s?
- Is she mad at me?
- No, you know...
We probably have to mortgage the house
in order to make bail.
Probably end up selling the thing
in order to pay for all the lawyers.
It's been a nightmare, buddy,
to tell you the truth.
What are you gonna do, right?
Anyway, how's Stratton?
That's more important.
How's morale?
They all pissed off 'cause they have
to make money legally now?
- Jordan.
- Hmm?
I got the founding partners together.
I talked to them about everything.
And I got you.
What do you mean, you got me?
The house, money, don't worry about it.
I got you.
All right.
I love you, buddy.
- You know I'd do it for you, right?
- I know.
- You know that, right?
- I know.
I could f*cking kiss you all over.
All right, enough, enough.
(LAUGHING)
You want a beer, pal?
What are you drinking?
I got this non-alcoholic sh*t.
What's that?
A non-alcoholic beer. It's got no alcohol.
- It's a beer?
- Yeah, with no alcohol.
But if you drink enough,
if you drink a lot, they get you f*cked up?
No, there's no alcohol.
That's the f*cking point.
I'm not a scientist.
I don't know
what the f*ck you're talking about.
I can get you a beer
if you want a f*cking beer.
I know, but I don't drink. You remember?
I don't drink anymore.
Oh, you wanna go inside
and blow some lines of baking powder?
- Or baking soda...
- (CHUCKLING)
Can't imagine
ever not enjoying getting f*cked up.
- Yeah.
- I love it.
How's being sober?
- f*cking sucks.
- Boring, right?
So boring. I wanna k*ll myself.
There's a term,
and we don't like to use it
unless circumstances dictate,
and I think they do dictate in this case,
and the term is "Grenada."
Have you ever heard of Grenada?
No. No, I haven't.
Grenada's very interesting because
it is a small island nation
that was invaded by
the United States of America in 1983.
It's about 90,000 people.
And essentially, it means
this case is unloseable.
Okay?
So, you know, we can come in,
we can have our d*ck
hanging out of our pants.
Nobody gives a f*ck.
I'm gonna win.
You, sir,
are what's known
as a Grenada.
JORDAN: Hmm.
You're looking at real prison time.
Hmm.
Money laundering can get you
as much as 20 years.
And our case couldn't be stronger
if we caught you
shoving cash in your mattress.
JORDAN: Is that right?
DENHAM: Hey, Jordan. Jordan.
Your rotting away in jail
till your kids get out of college,
that's not our ambition here.
There's other people involved in this,
too.
We think they need to
see their day in court as well.
Why do I sense
there's an offer in the air?
Look at him. He's got a sense.
What are you, Kreskin?
Full cooperation.
He provides us with a comprehensive list
of all the co-conspirators
spanning the last seven years,
and he also agrees to wear a wire.
(CHUCKLING) Wait...
Did you just say "wear a wire"?
A wire. Mmm-hmm.
What does that mean?
You want me to rat? Is that it?
No, I want you to cooperate.
- No. You want me to rat, right?
- Yes. We want you to rat.
That's f*cking exactly
what we want you to do. To rat.
JORDAN: How was Cristy's party?
NAOMI: Fine.
JORDAN: Good.
Babe, I spoke to the lawyers again today.
I have some really, really great news.
Mmm-hmm.
Turns out you're completely
off the hook, honey.
I know that already.
Right. Exactly.
You never did anything wrong
in the first place, right?
It turns out, all the FBI really
wants from me is to, uh,
to cooperate.
You know?
Turns out I have so much information
about the stock market and Wall Street,
I could save the government
years of heartache, not to mention
- countless dollars.
- Mmm-hmm.
But it gets even better, babe.
Because if I do decide to cooperate,
I might only be
looking at four short years,
in which case, you know,
we could start fresh,
maybe sell the house.
And any fines that I'd have to pay
wouldn't be due till after I serve my term,
so we'd still have
plenty of money left over, you know?
Mmm-hmm.
The only thing that
of course bummed me out a little bit
is this whole idea of having to
give information about my friends.
Like you said, "There's no friends
on Wall Street." Right?
Right. Right. Exactly.
There's a silver lining to that, too, honey.
Because they said eventually...
Eventually everyone's gonna have to
give information on this case.
So, at the end of the day,
it might not even be a factor. You know?
Well, that's good news. Right?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm really happy for you.
What do you mean, happy for me,
sweetheart?
You should be happy for the both of us.
Right?
- Yeah, right.
- All right.
Come here, baby.
Give me a kiss, sweetheart.
Jordan...
Oh, come on, baby.
I haven't made love to you in so long.
Please.
- No. Jordan, stop it.
- Come on, honey, please.
No! Jordan, stop it!
I've loved you
since the moment I saw you.
(MURMURING)
I f*cking hate you, Jordan.
- Get off me!
- Baby... Don't do that.
You know how much I love you, right?
Stop that, sweetie. Please.
You wanna f*ck me, Jordan?
You wanna f*ck me?
Good.
Go ahead.
Go ahead and f*ck me.
I want you to f*ck me real hard.
I want you to f*ck me
like it's the last f*cking time.
- Why are you moving like that?
- Come on.
Please hold still.
'Cause I want you to come for me, baby.
Come on, babe.
Come for me, baby.
I want you to come for me
like it's the last f*cking time.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Come on, baby. Come for me.
Come for me, baby.
Come on, baby.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, baby, come.
- You want me to come for you?
Yeah.
- You want me to come for you?
- Yeah!
Huh? You want me to come for you?
Oh, God, baby. Yeah!
Oh, God. (GRUNTING) Oh, God.
Oh, God. (GASPS)
Oh, God.
Jesus.
(LAUGHING)
Oh, baby.
That was so f*cking great!
Oh, God!
That was the last time.
What do you mean, baby?
I mean that was the last time
we ever have sex.
What are you talking about?
I want a divorce.
What do you mean, you want a divorce?
What's that supposed to mean,
you want a divorce?
Get off me! I want a divorce.
You just made love to me.
What the f*ck is wrong with you?
I don't love you anymore, Jordan!
Oh, you don't love me?
You don't love me anymore, huh?
Well, isn't that just f*cking
convenient for you!
Now that I'm under federal indictment,
with an electronic bracelet
around my ankle,
now you decide you don't
f*cking love me anymore.
- Is that right?
- No, no.
What kind of person are you? Tell me.
You married me!
What the f*ck is that supposed to mean?
Jordan, this is how it's gonna go.
I'm gonna take custody of the kids.
If you agree to the divorce right now,
- I will allow visitation.
- (SIGHING)
- Okay? Don't try to fight it.
- Oh, my God.
It'll save us both a lot of money
and I got a feeling you're gonna need it.
You're not taking my kids, sweetheart.
You hear me?
I've already talked to the lawyer.
He said even if you don't get convicted,
I've got a good chance of getting them.
I got news for you.
You're not f*cking taking my children,
you vicious f*cking c**t, you!
f*ck you, you f*cking b*tch!
You're not f*cking taking
my g*dd*mn f*cking kids!
You hear me? f*ck you!
You're not f*cking
taking my f*cking kids!
f*cking b*tch!
(PANTING)
f*cking wh*re!
(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
f*cking b*tch!
Piece of sh*t f*cking wh*re!
(SNORTING)
(CHUCKLES) Look at yourself, Jordan.
You're sick!
You're a sick man!
f*ck you! I told you,
you're not taking my f*cking kids!
You think I would let my kids near you?
Look at yourself!
You know what my lawyer said?
My lawyer said that you're going to
prison for 20 years, Jordan.
Twenty f*cking years!
You're never gonna see the kids again!
You don't think I'm not gonna see my...
No, I'm not f*cking
letting you near my kids!
You don't think I'm gonna see
my f*cking kids again, huh?
Don't you f*cking touch them!
Don't you f*cking touch me!
Sweetheart? You're coming
on a trip with Daddy, all right?
You're coming on a trip with Daddy.
NAOMI: Don't you f*cking touch her,
Jordan.
I swear to God, I will f*cking k*ll you!
It's all right, baby.
You and Daddy are gonna go
on a little trip together, okay?
- A little trip together.
- NAOMI: Violet!
Violet!
- Get the key! Get the key!
- VIOLET: I got it!
NAOMI: Jordan,
you open this f*cking door
- right now! Open the door!
- Put your seat belt on.
There you go. Get your legs in.
I'm taking her with me!
I told you I'm taking her with me,
- you f*cking b*tch!
- (GARAGE DOOR OPENING)
You're not gonna stop me!
You're not gonna stop me!
We're going on a little trip, honey.
No! No!
Get the hell out of here!
VIOLET: Leave that baby alone!
Violet! Garage door! Close it!
SKYLAR: Mommy!
- Get out of here!
- Open the f*cking door!
- (ENGINE STARTING)
- Mommy!
VIOLET: No!
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Oh, Lord! Oh, my heavens...
Get the baby!
Naomi, get the baby!
- Mommy.
- Honey, it's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
VIOLET: Oh,
Mr. Jordan has lost his mind.
JORDAN: Baby...
NAOMI: It's all right, honey.
She all right?
Is she all right?
What's the matter with you?
Is she all right?
LUCAS: Paragraph 1.
The defendant shall plead guilty
to all counts of the indictment
currently pending against him
in the United States District Court
for the Eastern District of New York.
Paragraph 2.
DENHAM: Talk normally.
LUCAS: The defendant shall participate
in undercover activities...
DENHAM: Breathe normally.
...including wearing a recording device,
also known as a wire...
After five minutes,
you'll forget you even have it on.
...in conjunction with the investigation...
f*cking brutal.
Quit your bitching.
Paragraph 4.
The defendant must not commit,
or attempt to commit, any further crimes.
Please. Let me just sign
the f*cking thing already.
Thank you.
Just here?
That'd be good.
Thank you.
JORDAN: It wasn't even a choice.
For the next six hours,
I came up with a list.
Friends, enemies, business associates.
Anybody who'd ever known me
or taken so much as a stock tip.
(ALL CHEERING)
ALL: (CHANTING)
Wolfie! Wolfie! Wolfie!
The first name on the list was Donnie.
(HOWLING)
(DONNIE LAUGHING)
Jordan, do you know how good it is
to have you back in this office?
It's not the same when you're gone.
It's sad, you understand? It's like...
That f*cking Steve Madden, huh?
I can't...
Swear to God, I can't even think about it.
Every time I think about him,
my blood boils.
I can't even say his name.
- I know.
- It's, like, disgusting.
I grew up with this guy
and he betrays me like that.
Ugh!
He ever get back to you about that, um...
About that account?
You remember.
It was like 4 or 5 mil,
something like that, right?
He was supposed
to kick back 4 or 5 mil, was it?
Actually, I was...
I was f*cked up, Jordan,
- so I don't really remember.
- Yeah.
Yeah, right. Stupid.
Well, if he calls you,
you make sure and contact me, okay?
- Yeah. (STAMMERING) Of course.
- Yeah.
Of course, yeah. No, of course.
You gonna eat that last piece
of yellowtail, bud?
No, it's all yours.
Can I get this?
So, what else is...
Well, how's Naomi and everything?
You know how it is.
She hates my f*cking guts.
How's Hildy? Good?
She's still alive, so
my life is f*cked, you know?
Yeah.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Mr. Jordan.
Mmm?
Mr. Jordan, you got a visitor.
What?
You've got a visitor.
(SIGHING DEEPLY)
I need you to get dressed.
Why? What the f*ck's going on?
You're going to jail.
All right.
I'll get some clothes on.
We'll give you a hand with that.
Okay.
(DOOR BANGING OPEN)
FBI!
Everybody sit down. Put your hands
where they can be seen, and shut up!
Don't you f*cking touch me.
Get your f*cking hands off me!
Don't get out of your seats!
It's f*cking Chanel!
(ALL CLAMORING)
JORDAN: I gave up everyone.
And in return,
I got three years in some hellhole
in Nevada I'd never even heard of.
Like my pops, Mad Max, had said,
"The chickens had come home to roost."
Whatever the f*ck that means.
LAWYER:
I hope Your Honor would agree
that Mr. Belfort has distinguished himself
in terms of his cooperation.
Mr. Belfort has
helped the government win convictions
of over two dozen serious offenders
and helped them
recover millions of dollars
to be made available
for restitution to their victims.
The sentence of the court shall be
36 months in federal prison.
Please remand the defendant.
LAWYER: I'm sorry.
(HANDCUFFS LOCKING)
That's okay.
JORDAN: I'm not ashamed to admit it.
When we arrived at the prison,
I was absolutely terrified.
GUARD: Belfort, on your feet.
JORDAN: But I needn't have been.
You see, for a brief fleeting moment,
I'd forgotten I was rich.
And I lived in a place
where everything was for sale.
Wouldn't you like to learn how to sell it?
MC: So listen. I've met some
bad m*therf*ckers in my life.
I'm talking about rock stars,
professional athletes, gangsters.
I'm telling you,
some real bad m*therf*ckers.
But this guy, my good friend,
Mr. Jordan Belfort, is the single
baddest m*therf*cker I have ever met.
So I want you right now
to give a warm Auckland,
New Zealand welcome
for my good friend
and the world's greatest sales trainer,
Mr. Jordan Belfort!
(APPLAUSE)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Thank you.
(SIGHING)
Sell me this pen.
It's, uh... (STAMMERING)
It's an amazing pen.
For professionals, it's a...
Sell me this pen.
Well, it's a nice pen.
You can use the pen
to write down thoughts from your life
so you can...
Sell me
this pen.
Well...
This pen works
and I personally love this pen...
(MELANCHOLY JAZZ MUSIC)
(MARK HUMMING)
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Wolf of Wall Street, The (2013)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341
Biographies Movie Collection