01x11 - Chaos in the Classroom

[bunniefuu]

Some numbers can't be trusted.

These are threes. Did you know that you

can't trust threes?See,

threes like to turn sideways and

pretend that they're M's or

N's. Then sometimes

they face the other way,

to make you think that they're E's.

Weird, huhAnd sometimes they'll

even lie on their backs and pretend

they're W's. Come back.

I'll show you some sixes who like to

pretend they're noses.

I'm practicing my eeks.

Eeks?Eeks are very

important if you're writing a story about

a Princess. Say there's this beautiful

Princess who lives in a castle. She's

sitting at her loom one day when

suddenly a mouse runs across the floor.

Eek! She cries.

If you're doing a story about a Princess,

you have to be able to write a good eek.

An oak probably would have k*lled me.

Where's your sister?Where is

right?

I'm practicing my Y's.

Why?No Y's.

I did a whole row of them. Oh,

not O's. Y's.

I see. I see.

Who said anything about I's and

C's?These are

Y's. Don't you ever listen?

G. Not G.

Y's. Now pay attention.

These are U's. They don't look

like me at all.

Where are we going?This isn't the way we

usually go. Why are we walking to school

this way?I think it's going to be

easier to cross the street up here.

There's a traffic tie up on 3rd Street.

There's also a fender bender on Marshall

Ave. and there's heavy traffic near

the tunnel before the on-ramp. How do you

know all this?The traffic

helicopter.

Yes, ma'am. I'll be first. Keep your

head down until I tell you.

For show and tell today, I have brought

an authentic bird's nest. As a

special treat, I have also invited the

owner of the nest. Now, as you may

or may not realize, bird nests are

very difficult to build.

Therefore, I have asked the owner himself

to explain some of the problems he might

have had with the construction of this

beautiful home.

That's interesting. Now tell us what

happened after your fight with the City

Planning Commission.

Will you walk home from school with me,

Linus?I think the powers

of darkness are out to get me. I

doubt if I could ever protect you from

the powers of darkness. How about a

third grader who claims I broke his ruler?

It's for you, some kid from school. He

says you borrowed his ruler and then you

broke it. Is that true?It

wasn't my fault. I was measuring the

street and by mistake I left the ruler

out there and a truck ran over it.

Now if some kid comes up and starts

asking about a ruler, you hold him off.

Hold him off?Yes, you hold him

off while I run for it. What if he

tries to hit me?Reason with him.

Tell him his stupid ruler wouldn't have

been any good after we switched to

metrics anyway.

It was a 12 inch ruler. I see.

It's that kid from school again. He wants

his ruler. Shall I tell him a truck ran

over it?Ask him if he'll send him for



Linus can't walk to school with you

today. He has a sore throat.

I can't walk to school alone. That kid

whose ruler I borrowed will get me.

I don't suppose you'd volunteer to

protect.

This is my science report, which is on

Traffic Safety. The first

thing I did was to measure the width of

the street in front of our school with

my ruler. Get off my back,

kid. And after I measured the width of

the street in front of our school, a

truck ran over the ruler. So much for

my report on improved traffic control.

What about my ruler?

Ignore him, ma'am. He has a one-track

mind. May

I quote you something from Hamlet?Neither

a borrower nor a lender be.

What's that supposed to mean?It

means you shouldn't have borrowed that

kid's ruler in the 1st place.

Makes you think, doesn't it?You hate me,

don't you?

Well, I hope you're satisfied, big

brother. I bought that stupid kid a new

ruler. Good for you. And

I hope you learned a lesson about

returning what you've borrowed. I sure

did. It's a lot better than getting

punched out.

Come on out, we'll kick around the old

casaba. Okay, I'll be right out.

You stand there and I'll kick the ball to

you.

Are you through?OK, now you

kick it back. You're kidding.

What's so exciting about the kickoff?Hey,

Linus, come here. I've got a good

idea. What?I'll kick the

ball to you and you come running down the

field and I'll try to hug you.

Tackle. Hug. Tackle.

Hug. Forget it. Stupid

game.

It must be fate, Charlie Brown. Why

else would this football appear out of

nowhere?This is your big chance to

kick it. Not again. I can't

believe it. You know, I wonder if there

isn't something symbolic in this. There

has to be. You hold the ball like

I'm running up to kick it, and then you

pull it away. There has to be something

deeply symbolic in that. I've thought

about it and thought about it. Somehow,

though, I've missed the symbolism.

Oh, no! You also missed the ball,

Charlie Brown.

Sir, this football dropped right out of

the sky and almost k*lled me. You think

it wants to play?Perhaps, Marcie.

What do you suggest?Do you think we could

go out and kick the old pigskin around?

Good idea, Marcie. Let's go and do just

that. I'm

ready. The ball's ready. Are you

ready?Yes, Marcie, I'm ready!

I've been ready for 20 minutes! Do

footballs mind being kicked, sir?Do

you think it causes them to be

traumatized?Please, Marcie,

just kick the ball!

Look what happened, sir. I kicked the

ball and my shoe came off. Oh,

boy! Kick the ball, Marcie!

And now look what happened, sir.

I accidentally tied my shoe with the

laces of the football. Is that my

mother calling me?It must be supper time.

I guess I'll just have to hop all the way

home. I hate playing with you, Marcie.

I know the answer. The answer lies within

the heart of all mankind. The

answer was 12, sir. I

think I'm in the wrong building.

Me?Yes, ma'am. Call to

the principal's office, eh, Marcy?What

did you do?Come on, you can tell me.

I didn't do anything. I'm

innocent. You should have slept more in

class, Marcy. You get in less trouble

that way.

They made me a patrol person. A

patrol person?They made you a patrol

person. A patrol person?Isn't it

exciting?I've always wanted to

be on the school traffic patrol. It's a

very great honor. You're not jealous,

are you, sir?Jealous?How could

anyone possibly think I'm jealous?

Guess what, Chuck?They made Marcie a

patrol person. Can you imagine that?

Can you really imagine that, Chuck?

Well, I don't know. She's a very good

student. I suppose she deserves it.

I hate talking to you, Chuck.

I'd stand out in the sun or the rain or

the snow. I would direct traffic

in an earthquake. I would do

anything. Ma'am, how come

Marcy got to be a school patrol person

and I didn't?I'd do anything to be

a patrol person.

Study.

I can't walk to school with you anymore,

Sir. I'm on patrol duty.

I have to get to my post.

What are friends for if you can't forget

them?If you're going

to cross the street, Please

wait for your school patrol person

to halt the traffic.

You may now cross. Have a

nice day, student pedestrian.

I can't stand it!

What do you think, ma'am?This is the

uniform my grandpa wore when he was an

MP in World w*r II. Just thought

I'd show you how this kind of duty sort

of runs in our family. Doesn't do

much for you, huh, ma'am?

Marcie, I don't need you to help me

across the street. Rules are

rules. I'm the patrol person,

and I'll tell you when you can go across.

All right, everybody, let's go quickly

now to the other side. Quickly now.

Quickly. It's only 3:00,

but as soon as I get home, I'm going to

bed.

Why should Marcy get to be a patrol

person and not me?

I can't stand it.

This is not like me.

I'm into jealousy, Chuck.

You look tired, Marcy. I am,

Sir. I got up at 6:00

just so I could be at my patrol post on

time. I'm so

sleepy. I don't

think I could stay awake

much.

Longer.

Marcy, the teacher just called your name.

Marcy, wake up! Oops,

sorry, ma'am. Right now, I'd say she's

the mayor of Zonk City. I can't

seem to wake her up, ma'am.

Me?You want me to take Marcy's place on

the school patrol?Wow. Do

I get to wear a belt and carry a sign?

I do?Sleep well, little

friend. OK, troops,

let's go. Move across. Let's go. Let's

go. You seem

to be doing a good job as my replacement,

Sir. Thank you, Marcy. It

runs in the family. My grandpa

was an MP in World w*r 2.

That doesn't mean, Sir, that you have to

check for identification papers.

I'm bringing in a guilty kid, ma'am. He

didn't cross the street properly. I

read him his rights so he knows where he

stands. These kindergarten types

have to be put in their place early.

Throw the book at him, ma'am.

Well, we lost our school patrol jobs,

Marcy. Well, that's life,

Sir. The teacher thought we both

just got too tired.

I feel just like Charlie Brown.

Now look here. When you're not

around, you keep that blanket locked up

in your room. Do you hear?It's a

menace. It hates me.

There. Now it won't bother you anymore.

Good grief. What am I going to do with

you?And stop that giggling.

I'm warning you, Linus. If you

don't keep that blanket away from me,

I'll destroy it. Do you understand?I'll

throw it in the trash burner. What's it

doing now?Keep it away from me. What's it

doing?It wants to make up. It wants to

shake hands. I'm not shaking hands

with any stupid blanket.

You're not being fair, Lucy. My blanket

wants a truce. It's willing to make up.

Why don't you shake hands?All right,

anything to keep from being weeped on.

I'll forgive and forget. Shake.

Hey, manager, we have a problem. I'm

used to that. We're missing second base

today, so I thought we could use Snoopy's

dish. I guess that'll do all right for

practice.

This is going to be one of those days

when we get nothing but singles.

Schroeder still makes the best catcher

we've ever had, and Pigpen does OK at

third base too. Our outfield could be

better, but it's the best we can do, I

guess. What I'm looking for is a

good shortstop second base combination.

Two guys who can really work those double

plays.

I think I found it.

You're the next hitter, Lucy. Get a hit

and we'll have a chance. Keep the

trademark up, Lucy, and there'll be less

chance of cracking the bat. OK, Manager,

anything you say.

You were right, Manager. I kept the

trademark up and I didn't crack the bet.

My stomach hurts.

Come on, Linus, we need a hit.

Run it out, Linus! Run it out!

First I gotta have my blanket.

You're out!

I can't stand it.

How can you play baseball and sleep at

the same time?And besides not helping the

team, it's dangerous. You could get hit

on the head with a fly ball.

Now what's he doing?

Good grief.

How do you set the alarm for a fly ball?

OK, Lucy, you're the tying run.

If you can get a hit and somehow score a

run, we can tie the game. I don't

think I can do it, Charlie Brown. Sure

you can. Just go up there and grit your

teeth.

How can I hit the ball when I can't even

see it?OK, Lucy,

just relax.

She did it. She did it. She got her first

hit ever. But wait, I have

to get her over to second base.

She's got the steal second base, so

she'll be able to score if there's a hit.

I'll just give her the old steal second

base sign. There she goes.

This is it. Slide, Lucy.

Slide. Oh,

no, she's out.

Why didn't you slide?I told you to

slide. In my designer

jeans?

Good grief. Well, that makes it

about 23 to nothing. This is

terrible. We're going to lose another

ball game. Don't worry about it, Charlie

Brown. After all, we're lucky we can

play it all. We live in a free country

and we have our health. Let's just play

the game and be grateful we can do it.

He's right. I'm just being selfish.

I'm always thinking about myself. There

are a lot of little kids who can't play

ball at all. I'm really lucky, and I

don't even know it. I should be ashamed

of myself. But

I can't help it.

I want to win!