01x03 - Linus and Lucy

[bunniefuu]

Wake up, wake up! I'm doing a report for

school on our Animal Friends. Look, all I

want is a little inside information. For

instance, what do animals think about all

day?Besides eating and sleeping, I mean.

This is my report on our Animal Friends.

Now, many of you city kids are not

acquainted with nature's noble creatures.

Therefore, as a special treat, I have

brought for you today a real live animal.

What is it?A chicken?

Now, in my report, I shall discuss

various animals such as the one I have

here. Afterwards, if there are any

questions, I shall be happy to answer

them. It

looks like a moose to me.

Some people think that animals were put

here on Earth to serve humans.

One wonders what sort of response we

might get if we were to ask the animals.

Maybe we shouldn't ask the animals.

Now, this animal I have brought here

today is called a dog.

You are kidding. You're putting us on.

I still think it's a small moose. I

agree. All right, you guys, cut it

out. Here, moosey-moosey-moosey.

How do we know that's a real dog?Yeah,

maybe it's a kid in a dog suit.

Animals are usually friendly unless

needlessly provoked. Well, it could have

been a kid in a dog suit.

Today for show and tell, I have brought

my brother's dog,

which may turn out to be the biggest

mistake of my life. The dog is

regarded as the friend of man.

This particular breed is generally quite

gentle, and this particular dog is both

gentle and intelligent, although he does

have his faults, such as flirting with

the girl in the front row.

I got an A on my report, Snoopy. Because

you are such a big help, I'm going to

treat you to an ice cream cone.

You weren't that big a help.

All I have to do is kick it, right?

RightWhat if it kicks me back?

I've decided I don't want to kick it. Why

not?What did it ever do to me?

This ball is hissing at me. Maybe some of

the air is leaking out. No, I think it's

hissing at me. This ball hates me.

I'm not going to stand here while some

stupid ball hisses at me. Well then,

kick it. I think I scared it.

It just passed out.

Charlie Brown.

I can't believe it. She must think I'm

the most stupid person alive. Come

on, Charlie Brown. I'll hold

the ball and you will kick it.

Hold it. Ha. That's a laugh.

You'll pull it away and I'll k*ll myself.

Why, Charlie Brown?How can you

say that?Don't I have a face you can

trust?Don't I have an innocent look

about me?Look at the

innocence in my eyes.

She's right. If a girl has innocent

looking eyes, you simply have to trust

her. This time I'm going to keep that

football clear to the moon.

What you have learned here today, Charlie

Brown, will be of immeasurable value to

you for many years to come.

Look, Schroeder, love beads.

I made them especially for you.

You look great! My

making those beads and your wearing them

indicates our love for all mankind

and a personal fondness for each other.

What do you mean, fondness?I don't even

like you.

Give me back those beads. I'll give them

to someone who'll appreciate

them. Do you think it's possible for

someone to be in love and not know it?You

mean me, don't you?You're talking

about me, aren't you?Why don't you just

come right out and say it?Why don't you

admit it?Why don't you just ask me

if I think it's possible that I'm in love

with you and I don't know it?

Schroeder, do you think it's possible

that you're in love with me and you don't

know it?No.

Love drives me crazy.

I get dizzy thinking about it. It

staggers the imagination.

Just think, out of the billions and

billions of snowflakes that have fallen,

no two have ever been alike.

It makes the mind real.

Lucy, Lucy, come quick. I saw them.

I saw them. I saw two snowflakes that

were exactly alike. Come quick.

That's funny. They were around here

somewhere.

What are you making?These are snow

bunnies. They look real cute. Can I help

you, Lucy?No, you can't help me. Get out

of here. Make your own things.

And don't bother me anymore. Do you hear

me?Little brothers can sure be a

nuisance sometimes.

I am king of all I surveyed.

This fortress is unassailable.

This is an impregnable fortress. No

one can take it. I could defend this

position from a hundred attackers.

I have ammunition enough to fight the

whole day. This fortress stands

firm and unyielding. It is like the

Rock of Gibraltar. It is like...

You'll notice that you had to use

strategy, though, didn't you?

Hey, pretty good shot, eh, Linus?Don't

you wish you could throw a snowball that

far?

For the first time in my life, I have a

slight idea of how Goliath must havefelt.

What a big snowball! You'll never be able

to throw it, Lucy. You made it too big!

Girls sure do some stupid things.

She makes a snowball so big she can't

even throw it. Ha ha ha ha!

I never thought she'd pick up the spare.

Your kite string is tangled around my

nose, Chuck.

This isn't very flattering, Chuck. I

suppose if I had a cute little nose like

a beauty queen, this wouldn't have

happened. But none of us can help the way

we look, can we, Chuck?Get your

kite string off my nose, Chuck.

Come on, Chuck. I'll show you how to fly

a kite.

Wow. Some kite, huh, Chuck?

Beautiful. I don't know how you ever got

it up so high. It wasn't hard.

Here, would you like to hold the string

for a minute?Are you sure you want me to?

Of course, Chuck. Why wouldn't I?

No reason.

Oh, no!

Charlie Brown?How in the world?

I don't want to talk about it.

I give up. I'll never get this kite in

the air.

You know what makes kind of a good hobby?

Saving string.

My report?Yes, ma'am. My report is

ready.

My report is on the...

Kite?Oh, what kite?Oh, this

kite?Yes, ma'am. Well,

I've been sort of tangled up in it for

the past three days now, and I can't seem

to get it loose. So I've just been kind

of learning to live with it and...

I wonder why teachers sigh so much.

Stupid kite. Since

you have so much of a problem flying a

kite truck, why don't you fly paper

airplanes?

Here, fold these papers into

airplanes and you can have a whole flying

circus. That's a good idea. It looks

easy. I'll try it.

Minus was right. Of all the Charlie

Browns in the world, you're the Charlie

Browniest.

Say, I thought we were going to take

turns using that umbrella. Well, we were.

But I've decided that as long as you're

all wet already, there's really no sense

in my giving you the umbrella, because

then I would get wet too. That wouldn't

make any sense, would it?No, we wouldn't.

So much in this world depends upon

who gets born first.

Look, do you think I enjoy bossing you

around?Do you honestly think that

just because I'm your older sister, I

actually enjoy telling you what to do?

Do you really think I enjoy it?Yes.

How did you know?

Here, I brought you a piece of toast.

Well, thank you. Thank you, dear

sister. Thank you, dear sister.

Thank you, dear sister. Greatest of all

sisters. Thank you, dear sister. Greatest

of all sisters. Thank you, dear

sister. Greatest of all sisters, without

whom I'd never survive. Thank you, dear

sister. Greatest of all sisters, without

whom I'd never survive. You're very

welcome. How

can I eat when I feel nauseated?

What's this?It's a project for school.

We're supposed to draw someone in our

family. I noticed you haven't put it in

the mouth yet. Well, uh,

there's really no hurry. It doesn't have

to be finished today. In fact, I

was just thinking of quitting and put it

in the mouth. I want to watch it.

No, I think I'll wait. It's wrong to rush

a work of art. There's no real hurry

anyway. I think I'll just wait.

Put in the mouth.

It's hard to draw well when your hand is

shaking. I have

a sliver in my finger and I can't get it

out. No problem. I'll find

a pair of tweezers and we'll have it out

in no time.

Okay, here we go. That's close enough.

How can I get the sliver out of your

finger if you won't let me near you?

I don't want you poking around with those

tweezers. Okay, wise guy, how

are you going to get it out?If I shake my

hand real hard, maybe it'll fall out.

All right, which finger has a sliver?This

one?Good. Hold still now

while I... I said to hold real

still. No, you said to hold

still. Real still is when you don't move

at all. This is holding still.

You have a sliver too. Let me see.

I hope you're not as big a coward as my

stupid brother. Hold real still now,

while I. It's gonna hurt.

Now what did you save that for?All

right, you two, this is ridiculous. I'm

not performing open heart surgery. I'm

just taking out two tiny

slivers. I want you both to stand

perfectly still and act like

men. Well, he's a

dog and I'm just a little kid.

What's the matter?My life is a

drag. I'm completely

fed up. I've never felt so low in my

whole life. When you're in a mood

like this, you should try to think of

things you have to be thankful for. In

other words, count your blessings.

That's a good one. I could count my

blessings on one finger. I've never had

anything, and I never will have anything.

I don't get half the breaks that other

people do. Nothing ever goes right for

me. And you talk about counting

blessings, and you talk about being

thankful. What do I have to be thankful

for?Well, for

one thing, you have a little brother who

loves you.

Every now and then, I say the rightthing.

Time out, time out!

Hold it a minute, Charlie Brown. You were

wrong, Frida! I told you you were wrong!

I told Frida she was wrong, but she

wouldn't believe me. She said you could

see the ocean from up here, but I knew

you couldn't. I'm

glad my outfielders had such interesting

discussions. Strike

this next guy out, Charlie Brown. You can

do it. I'll do my best. You know

me. I'm always in there trying.

Ah Don't tell me you're thinking about

eating in a time like this.

Are you out of your mind?Get back to your

position. And take that stupid supper

dish with you.

Pay attention to the ball game.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let him

have a little snack between innings.

We've had it, Charlie Brown. We're going

to lose again. We're doomed.

Don't say that. Our team never

gives up. How

could we possibly win?We're terrible.

We can win because we've got

determination. Keep a stiff

upper lip is on Motto. How's this?

That's great. Now you're the next

batterer. Keep a stiff upper lip and show

that picture that you've got fire in your

eyes. Oh, show them a firm jaw too.

If you have a firm jaw, you can't lose.

Keep a stiff upper lip and show their

picture that you have fire in your eyes

and a firm jaw. We may win the

ball game, but he's ruining my face.

We need a run! We need a run! Hey,

Manager, what'll you give me if I hit a

home run?A home run?You've never hit

the ball out of the infield in your whole

life! If I hit a home run,

will you give me a kiss?If you

hit a home run, I'll meet you at home

plate, and I'll give you the biggest kiss

you've ever had! Incentive!

Remember now, Schroeder, if I hit a home

run,You promise to meet me at home plate

and give me a kiss.

No problem. She's never hit the ball

out of the infield in her whole life.

Come on, Lucy! You can do it!

If you hit a home run, maybe I'll give

you a kiss. Bleh!

She did it! She hit a home run!

You're gonna have to stand out by home

plate and kiss her. You promised.

She's heading for home. It's

kissing time. La-di-da-da-da-da.

Okay, Schroeder, this is it. You

promised to kiss her.

A promise is a promise.

Forget it. If that's the only way I'll

ever get you to kiss me, forget it.

Another triumph for women's lip.