01x25 - King for a Day

[bunniefuu]

Really, sir, can't we be adult
about this?

I'll adult you.

Gotcha!

Come out with your hands up,
Top Cat.

Huh?

Hey, come back here!

I'll boil you in oil
when I get my hands on you.

I better shake him
before he kills himself.

[DIBBLE THUDS]

DIBBLE [SHOUTS]:
Yee-ow!

[DIBBLE CRASHING]

You know, maybe I ought to get
rid of this can first.

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat! ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The indisputable leader
of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief,
he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

[SNORING]

Gee, I hate this. Why am I
always the one that's got to
wake Top Cat?

He's so sensitive
about his beauty sleep.

[TOP CAT SNORING]

Hey, T.C., wake up. Wake up.

[TOP CAT GRUMBLING]

TOP CAT:
I'll look for work tomorrow,
Mom.

[TOP CAT SNORING]

Come on. Hit the deck, T.C.
Rise and shine.

[TOP CAT GRUMBLES]

I can get hurt doing this.

Even Officer Dibble
doesn't show up...

...until Top Cat
has been awake for a while.

[GROWLING]

[SNORTS]

What happened? Who the--?
Whose deal is it? Where am I?

Oh, yeah.

Morning already.

-It's already noontime.
TOP CAT: Uh, who's that?

Me. Benny.

Benny, what are you doing
hiding behind that barrel?

You're supposed to be waking me
up. What time is it?

-Twelve o'clock, T.C.
-Oh, time for lunch, huh?

Well, I'll get the g*ng together
and we'll put on the feedbag.

Where are we gonna eat, T.C.?

Where we always eat,
with Officer Dibble.

Only, I hope he picked a nice
place this time.

I'm tired of eating in dives.

[CLANGING]

Let's go, Brain.
Like, uh, Top Cat is calling.

[LIDS CLANGING]

Oh, boy. Chow time.

Just say the word, baby,
and I'll take you away from all
this.

We'll sail to some
far-off tropical island.

[LIDS CLANGING]

-Top Cat.
-Fancy, wait.

What about the tropical island?

Check me after lunch, baby.

-Let's take the shortcut to the
alley.
-Uh, right, Spook.

SPOOK:
This way.

FANCY:
Gangway, Brain.

Doggone it.

There must be an easier way
to get inside.

Alright, Chooch,
you were tailing Dibble.

Where is he dining today?

He acted very suspicious, T.C.
Kept ducking into hallways...

...and changing cabs,
but he didn't lose me.

I followed him to Machavelli's
Diner on 2nd Avenue.

Yuck! Another two-bit hash
house.

Well, I suppose it's better
than a poke with a sharp stick.

Alright, you guys. Let's get
over there while the blue plate
is still hot.

Right.

Just a minute, you numskulls.
Freeze.

Remember, I'm your beloved
leader, and one always
follows...

...one's beloved leader
if one doesn't want his head
broke.

Okay, that's better.
Now let's march over to chow.

At ease. On the double. h*!

Uh, say, pal, I am personally
not one to delve into...

...the private eating habits
of my customers.

But why are you hiding behind
all that foliage?

Because I don't wanna be seen.

Uh, look, uh, if you're after
some criminal type...

...uh, I should like sufficient
warning so, uh, I can clear out
of here.

Don't worry. I ain't after
anybody.

I am relieved to hear that,
officer.

DIBBLE:
They're after me.

Huh? They are? Who?

Top Cat and his g*ng, that's
who.

And, boy, when they're hungry
they're dangerous.

-That's why I'm hiding.
-And me with no hospital plan.

Look, officer, I can't stand
the sight of blood.

Why don't you eat across the
street? That's where I eat.

There's no time.

Just bring me a liverwurst
sandwich and a glass of milk.

-And make it snappy.
-Okay, pal.

But please, no gunplay, huh?

Do you see him, T.C.?

Yeah. He's hiding behind
a mulberry bush or something.

Ha, must be expecting us.

Okay, we'll use plan 36724.
You guys wait here for my
signal.

Chooch, you come with me.
You know what to do.

CHOO-CHOO:
Right, chief.

[LAUGHS]

I think I really lost Choo-Choo
when I switched cabs a second
time. Ha-ha-ha!

CHOO-CHOO: Officer Dibble,
we've been looking all over town
for you.

Oh, no. They found me.

It's Top Cat, Officer Dibble.

-His last wish was to see you.
DIBBLE: What's the matter with
him?

Search me.

Malnutrition, starvation,
something like that.

I don't understand doctors too
well, but I think he needs food.

Anyway, he wanted to see you.

So long, T.C.

[SOBS]

-I'm gonna miss you.
-So long, Chooch.

Say goodbye to the g*ng for me.
Yee-ow.

Alright, what's the pitch?

No pitch this time, sir.
Them days are gone forever.

For the first time in my life,
I'm on the level.

-Wait a minute. You mean this is
no gag?
TOP CAT: No, Dibble.

But before I go,
I wanna clear my conscience.

So I'm returning your lunchbox.

Now you won't have to eat
in these joints anymore.

And I'll be out of your hair for
good...

...because I'm heading
for that big alley in the sky.

One liverwurst sandwich
and a glass of milk coming up.

Yeah, you got him!

[SHOUTS]
Help! Police! Help! Help!

Will you knock that off?
Nobody got nobody.

This guy is ill. He needs food.

Bring him all he wants and don't
worry about the bill. It's on
me.

Oh, no, no.
You don't have to do that, sir.

No, I'm not worth saving.

One more meal won't break me,
pal. Go on, eat. Please.

Well, as a favor to you, I'll do
it.

And I'm sure you won't mind
if I share my last meal...

...with a few close friends.
Okay, you guys. Come and get it.

Gangway, Dibble.

Hey, Mac, get me
the blue-plate special.

Make it two blue-plate specials.

Fillet for me, man,
and, like, keep it rare.

BRAIN:
Can I have a double hamburger,
T.C.?

Oh! He did it again.

I let him put one over on me
again.

Oh, Dibble, will you ever learn?

I just can't take it anymore.

I gotta do something about that
Top Cat before he drives me
nuts.

Six times this week
he's put something over on me.

If he ain't conning me
out of dinners...

...he's using my phone
or selling me something.

Next thing you know,
he'll be using my car to sleep
in.

Hey, Dib, uh, would you try
to keep it down, huh?

-Top Cat!
-Shh.

Easy on the chatter, will you,
Dibble? We're trying to sleep.

[TIRES SCREECH]

I got you this time, Top Cat.

Why, whatever are you
talking about, sir?

ill*gal use of a police car.
That's a felony.

And you're all under arrest.
Everybody out into the alley.

Line up against the fence.
Hands up in the air. Now move.

TOP CAT:
Relax, fellas. I'll handle this.

All we gotta do
is take the Eighth Amendment.

-But Dibble said we're under
arrest.
-He's bluffing.

Just stick together and I'll get
you all off with a light
sentence.

A light sentence?

Well, anyway, they stuck
together.

Hey! What happened to everybody?

They all come down
with a bad case of chicken.

-But can I help you, sir?
-Yeah.

Hold out your hands, Top Cat.
I'm gonna put the cuffs on you.

Of course. Right away, sir.

Say, I heard you owned
an authentic pair of police
handcuffs.

Why, you must be an expert
on criminal apprehension.

-And you never let on. Amazing!
-Well, I don't like to brag.

But how do you think
I got where I am today?

True, true.
I understand your cuffs are
foolproof, sir.

That's right. No key.

Some of the guys carry the key
with them.

I keep mine at headquarters.

Nobody can get out of these
cuffs till we get to jail.

Hey.

I never knew you were interested
in police work, Top Cat.

Oh, yes. Why, it's my fondest
dream to see you in action
someday.

But one thing puzzles me, sir.

What do you do with a prisoner
if you get another call?

For the sake
of an informed citizenry...

...I shall demonstrate
the official police technique.

First, I slap the bracelets
on the offender like this.

[CLICKS]

And I look for some stationary
object.

-Like this, Officer Dibble?
-Yeah, that would work fine.

I attach the other cuff to it.

[CLICKS]

And see what happens?

The officer is now free to go...

...knowing the prisoner will be
there when he returns.

Uncanny. Absolutely uncanny.
It's unbelievable.

Well, thank you, sir.

I can feel safe on our streets
now knowing you're here.

So long, Dibble,
and thanks for the
demonstration.

So long, T.C. Anytime.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, I think I'm finally
communicating with that guy.

Oh, no! Not again!

-Top Cat!
-Some other time, Dib.

I got an appointment
with my psychoanalyst.

Why, that sneaky little
so-and-so.

This is the last straw.
I'll send him up for life.

I'll pulverize him.

Uh-oh, he's really sore.
I'd better scram.

Really, sir, can't we be adult
about this?

I'll adult you.

Gotcha!

Come out with your hands up,
Top Cat.

Huh?

Hey, come back here!

I'll boil you in oil
when I get my hands on you.

I better shake him
before he kills himself.

[DIBBLE THUDS]

DIBBLE [SHOUTS]:
Yee-ow!

[DIBBLE CRASHING]

You know, maybe I ought to get
rid of this can first.

Ooh, what a terrible temper!

I better lay low for a while
till the heat's off.

[METAL CLANKING]

BLACKSMITH:
There you are, officer.

You're free but your handcuffs
are ruined.

Oh, that's okay.
I'm just relieved you got them
off.

You know, there ain't many of
you blacksmiths left.

It took me all afternoon to find
you.

Yeah, we're a dying race
alright.

But tell me, just how does a guy
get a trash can handcuffed to
him, huh?

Easy. You just gotta be
acquainted...

...with a sneaky character
named Top Cat.

So long, and I'd appreciate it
if you'd keep this to yourself.

It would be very humiliating
if word got back to the station
house.

Hey, T.C., since when do we hang
out in Mindy's Department Store?

Yeah. Especially after it's
closed for the night.

I got a date on a tropical
island.

This is dullsville, man.
Like, let's get out and mingle.

Look, you guys. The heat's on.
Dibble is sore at us.

We're gonna have to lay low
for a while.

But Dibble is our only source of
income. What will we do, starve?

Well, if you'll clam up,
maybe I'll think of something.

Benny, turn on the TV.

It'll amuse you guys
while I ponder our predicament.

Without Dibble,
we may have to get jobs, or
worse.

How awful.

[BAILEY [ON TV]:
And now, let's take a look...

...at the wonderful prizes you can win if you are chosen king
for a day.

First, a magnificent tour of
the city in a chauffeured
limousine.

You will stop for lunch at
the world-famous Papa's Pizza
Palace.

Followed by a luxurious
afternoon cruise up the Hudson
River.

And back in time
for a sumptuous dinner and
show...

...in the grand ballroom
of the plush Waldorf Manor.

As a special prize,
a complete wardrobe will be
furnished...

...plus $1000 cash.

So if you wish to be king for a
day...

...drop me a line, care of this
station.

This is Jack Bailey,
wishing I could make every
man...

...king for every single day.

And now, let's meet tonight's
winner.

That's it: the end of the
rainbow, my pot of gold.

Hey, why did you turn it off?

Yeah, I was just getting
interested.

Because I'm gonna be the next
king for a day.

Chooch, you can write.
Grab a pencil and a piece of
paper.

But they only pick guys who have
long sad stories and no shoes or
nothing.

Well, who's got shoes?

And I got a story that's so sad
it ain't even funny.

Take this down, Choo-Choo:
"Dear, sir.

I would like to be king for a
day because I live in a crowded
alley...

...with no roof over my head."

And not knowing where your next
meal will come from.

Oh, that's beautiful. Beautiful,
Chooch. That's very good
thinking. Stick it in.

"I have been out of work
as long as I can rember...

...and my little Benny needs
shoes.

Poor Choo-Choo
has never been to school."

CHOO-CHOO:
What do you mean? I have so.

Kindergarten don't count,
Chooch, so don't interrupt.

Now where was I? Oh, yeah.

"My Spook gets worse
every day and...."

"The Brain needs a new sweater."

Why, that's one of the saddest
stories I've ever heard.

This guy, Top Cat, really has a
problem.

Yeah, poor guy. Imagine
struggling to raise a family
that size.

Send him a ticket
to our next broadcast...

...and explain how he can
qualify to get on the program.
Poor guy.

I wish I could make everybody
king for a day.

Hey, T.C., look!

It's a letter for you. It's a
real letter.

Let me have it, Benny boy.
It might be the answer to all
our dreams.

The ticket to fame, wealth,
travel, all for free.

-You think we got drafted, T.C.?
-No, no, no. Relax, Benny.

It's a reply from Jack Bailey.
I'll read it to you.

"Dear Mr. Top Cat,
we do not accept letters...

...but we are sending you
a ticket to our show.

If your story is true
you may be considered...

...as a candidate on the day
you attend the broadcast.

Sincerely, Jack Bailey."

Too bad you ain't really got a
wife and shoeless children to
take along, T.C.

You'd be a sensation.

Oh, that's a brilliant
observation, Benny.
Maybe you got a solution, huh?

-Well, you could get married.
-Get married?

What are you,
some kind of a bubblehead?

What kind of a solution is that?

Sheesh.

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a
minute. Sure. Why not?

Benny, you're brilliant.
That's a great idea.

It is? You mean you're gonna
really get married?

Never mind, Benny. I'll explain
when the rest of the guys get
here.

TOP CAT:
Alright. Now hear this, men.

We are all gonna try to help
me...

...get onthe King For A Day
program as a candidate.

Chooch, you go find an old mop
and make yourself a wig.

-A wig?
TOP CAT: Yeah, and make it
snappy.

Okay, T.C.

The rest of you guys,
welcome to the family.

-You've just become my four
sons.
ALL: What?

Gosh, T.C., it sounds like a
great idea.

But it's so sudden,
I don't know what to say.

Just say you're my wife.
That's all, Chooch.

And permit me to introduce you
to our four miserable kids.

ALL:
Hi, Mom!

Jeez, how mortifying.

I just hope my girl
doesn't watch the show.

Okay. Mother, children, follow
Daddy and he'll make you all
rich, rich, rich.

I haven't seen Top Cat all week.

He must be up to something.
I can feel it.

It's the lull before the storm.

He's in the middle of something,
but what?

[FANFARE PLAYS ON TV]

And now, for our third
contestant...

...competing on
the King For A Day show...

...let's have a big hand
for Mr. and Mrs. Top Cat.

Huh? Top Cat?

It can't be.

Now, sir, according to your
letter, you live in an alley.

Oh, one of the worst, sir.

It is him. It's Top Cat.

And you want to be king for a
day so you can move out of the
alley?

Oh, yes, sir.
Me and my poor little family.

Imagine. Living in an alley
with a wife and four kids.

How do you survive?

Oh, we manage to beg a few
morsels, now and then...

...from the policeman
on duty, sir.

Good old Officer Dibble.
Isn't that right, dear?

Eh? Oh, yeah.

If it wasn't for Dibble, we'd
starve.

What a wonderful human story.

What warmth. What courage.
What tenderness.

What a bunch of balogna.

I'd better get down there before
Top Cat walks over the network.

Where's thatKing For A Day show? I gotta get in there.
It's important.

Sorry. We're not doing any
police shows.
Try us in the fall.

Everybody's a comedian.
Never mind. I'll find it myself.

But wait, you can't go in there.

Give an actor a uniform
and he thinks he owns the world.

Now for that big magic moment...

...when you, the audience,
decide by your applause...

...which one of these
contestants
will be king for a day.

First, Mr. Martinelli,
who has 14 children and one dog.

He would like another dog.

Mr. Martinelli.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Next is Mr. Smedley, who hasn't seen his mother in
30 years.

He's on King For A Day" to win
the bus fare across town.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

And finally, Mr. Top Cat...

...who would like to move
out of the alley...

...and never have to beg for
food and shelter from a
policeman again.

DIBBLE: Hold it. Hold it.
-Why, Officer Dibble, sir.

Yeah, and it looks like
I got here just in time.

Officer Dibble?

Why, you must be that fine
policeman Mr. Top Cat was
talking about.

Is it true he depends on you
for his meals?

[DIBBLE SCOFFS]

He and his whole bunch
depend on me for everything.

-Including tucking them in at
night.
-How wonderful!

-Is that true, Mr. Top Cat?
-Oh, yes.

Good old Officer Dibble kept us
from being dispossessed many
times.

Now, shall we get on with the
gifts-- I mean, the show?

Officer Dibble, your superior
officers must be proud of you.

Are you kidding? I ain't
got the nerve to tell them.

Get that, folks? What humility!

He refuses to take credit
for his kindness.

Oh, he's a dear.

Now, about the show, the prizes,
all that stuff, remember?

Make it snappy, Top Cat. We're
all gonna take a little ride.

BAILEY:
How touching.

A lovely ride through the park,
no doubt.

Do you always provide
for Mr. Top Cat's
transportation, officer?

You might say it's a regular
thing with us.

About once a week
I take him downtown.

As a matter of fact,
whatever he needs...

...he gets from me
by hook or crook.

Ladies and gentlemen, how about
a big hand for a big man?

Officer Dibble!

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

BAILEY: You did it.
-Huh?

Congratulations, sir.

You registered the high score
on the applause meter.

I now crown you King Dibble,
king for a day!

Come on, folks,
Let's hear it for the new king.

For a moment there we almost
made it. Well, that's show biz.

Sorry, fellas, I let you down.

Boy, I never saw so much loot
in my life.

Yeah. Dibble is gonna really
live it up now.

And it could've all been ours.

We could have been real big
in this town.

Wheels, man. Like, wheels.

Well, that's the way
the meatball bounces.

You win some, you lose some.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Oh, no. Dibble.

Wait here, driver. I got
a little business to attend to.

He's still sore about the lunch
we conned him out of.

You better scram, fellas.
It's every man for himself.

Alright. Alright, you guys.
Stop in the name of the law!

I know you're in there, Top Cat.
Come on out and give yourself
up.

You're coming with me, T.C.

Out of curiosity, sir, just
where are you taking me? Sing
Sing?

Alcatraz? Dibble's Island?

No, Top Cat.

You're coming with me
in my chauffeured limousine...

...and we're gonna do the town.

Forgive my ignorance, Officer
Dibble, but why? I don't get it.

Well, if it wasn't for you
saying all those nice things
about me...

...I wouldn't be king for a day.
I sort of owe it all to you.

And I'm willing to let
bygones be bygones. That's all.

Well, sir, far be it from me...

...to put a damper
on such a generous gesture.

Did you hear what the kind man
said, fellas?

Loud and clear, T.C.

TOP CAT:
Well, what are we waiting for?

Remind me to put you
back on my Christmas list.

Arrivederci, Dibble.

I guess I'm just an old softy at
heart.

-Okay, James, hit the road.
-Very good, sir.

Hey, wait. You forgot me.

[SHOUTS]
Hold it!

You can't leave me!
I'm the king!

The king! Do you hear!

Come back here! Come back!

Help! Police! Stop that car!

Top Cat, if I ever catch you...

...I'll tear you limb from limb!

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat! ♪

♪ Who's intellectual closefriends get to call him T.C. ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪

♪ The indisputable leader
of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss, he's a pip,
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip top ♪

♪ Top Cat! ♪