02x05 - Pranks for Nothing / Fist Full of Quarters

[bunniefuu]

[Big band style music plays]

♪♪♪

♪ Doop-dah!

♪ Dooby-doo-wah!

♪ Doop-dah! Dooby-doo-wah! ♪

♪ Doo-boo doo-bah-bah dow!

♪ Dooby-doo-dah dah bah-dah-dah dee-bah ♪

♪ Dah-dah dee-bah-dee-bah dah-bee-dah ♪

♪ Bah-dee-dah dah-dah dah deedle-dah oh! ♪

♪ Oh yeah! Yeah!

♪ Dah-dah doo-yah dah-dah-dah dah-bah-dah-bah doh! ♪

[Thunder of stampeding feet]

This show is best viewed with sugar-free treats.

♪♪♪

[Playful laughter and chatter]

Mighty fine acorn collecting, scaredy.

Why thank you, scaredy.

Uh, hello. May I have an acorn?

Uh, sure.

Ah, how about now? Trade?

Yeah, go for it.

Oh, acorns!

Oh, feather's so tickly! [Giggles]

Presto!

Paddy: whaoa! Coming through!

Today's nearly as hot as I am. [Kiss]

[Laugh]

Ready for a super-awesome trick?

I call it the stunning paddy.

[Giggling]

It's my favourite

Because I get to watch myself do it.

[Giggles] feather tickle. Stop it!

[Giggles]

[Giggles]

Agh!

Agh!

[Unsteady moans, screaming]

Agh! Help!

[Gasp]

Paddy: aghhhhh! Help!

Abracadab- agh!

[Laughing]

[Coughing]

Oh, clam up!

Nothing I hate more than the laughter of children.

Scaredy: [giggles]

Are you okay?

Oh h* h* h* h*, it is on!

[Dwindling laugh] what? What's on?

What's on, he says!

Prank w*r. That's what's on.

But I don't want a prank w*r.

Shoulda thought of that before you started one

By dumping your acorns in my way.

It was an accident!

That was no accident,

I know the feather-acorn magician-kite prank

When I see it.

Just watch your back squirrel breath!

[Coughs]

Kids: [laughing] paddy: knock it off!

Scaredy: it just seems like a weird insult.

A squirrel should have squirrel breath.

[Dave laughs]

Are you eating another willy's mammoth pudding pail.

Who can resist the sweet, delicious flavour of lard?

And it come with a spovel.

Part spoon, part shovel!

[Mouth full] spovel!

Mildred: [over speaker] emergency phone call for scaredy. Line one.

Emergency?!

This is scaredy squir- [choking sounds]

Paddy: [from phone] ah! Take that, squirrel feet!

[Belches]

Boy, he pranked you delicious!

Whatcha got planned for him?

Nothing! Do you know how many noses are broken

Every year from pie in the face jokes gone wrong?

Both: seventeen.

How did you- pranks are dangerous.

As long as I don't prank him back he'll stop doing it.

[Dave slurps]

Please don't lick my face.

[Dave slurps]

♪♪♪

Aha!

Ugh.

Scaredy: I can barely walk,

But I'm taking the high road!

[Claps]

[Screams]

I've been robbed!

I'll check the other rooms.

I'll call the goat police.

[Bleating]

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Everything is gone and the-

Yep. Nothing missing, no.

Uh-huh. That's right.

Paddy must have- ow!

Oh! The p-man is on fire!

Later squirrel knuckles! [Laughing]

Pizza should be here in 30 minutes.

I got double cheese, double sauce,

Double toppings and double dough.

It's going to cost double.

That's it. Now it is on.

What about the high road?

I'm gonna do this scaredy style.

Scaredy: and each successful practical joke earns a sticker.

Dave: mammoth pudding, comin' atcha!

I'll log the pranks, in complete detail,

Into the game journal for posterity

And future referencing.

First one to 10 wins. Questions?

Paddy: just one.

Why does my caramel pudding smell like broccoli?

[Sniffs]

Fire me up another sticker, would ya? Appreciate it.

Later, squirrel knees.

All right then, it's go time!

Yes! [Splat]

You can't see me right now

But I'm hanging my head in shame.

♪♪♪

[Bubbles]

[Slurping]

[Bubbles]

[Chuckle]

Just the usual shampoo and a blow dry, chantal.

Wake me when you're done, sweetheart.

Et voila.

Ah! [Growling]

[Mirror shatters]

I used beetroot,

Which naturally smooths split ends

And it'll be back to normal after 20 washes. [Laughs]

[Water wooshes]

[Laughing]

Whoa! [Impact grunt]

[Laugh] that could have been the floor!

[Whistling]

Hold on now.

Beautifying goggles.

Be 53% more beautiful.

Rawr. Meow.

Hey paddy, do you like spaghetti?

Too bad, I made oatmeal.

Please wash and return those goggles.

It's almost all tied up.

Nine for paddy. Eight for me.

If paddy gets one more prank he wins!

Better not slip up.

Oh, don't worry. [Laugh]

I won't be the one slipping.

'Cause they're banana peels?

Kind of a classic?

Slippery?

I'm gonna stop now.

[Yawns]

[Grunting]

Ouch! What?! Ooh!

Noooo! Ahhhh!

Can't go wrong with the classics.

Tie game. Yeah!

I'll get you squirrel guts!

The tie will be broken.

By moi!

You're oven timer is gonna go off in 7 minutes.

I made banana loaves, sweetened with honey!

[Laughs]

All tied up!

Paddy: scaredy.

Scaredy: [gasp!] What happened to you?

You! You happened to me!

Your banana peel prank broke my leg!

My uh, lolafirla bone is all, uh, busted.

I'm gonna be in this cast for a month

Thanks to your prank, squirrel ears!

I can't believe it,

I got so caught up in the game

I forgot that the first rule of having fun is safety.

Come stay with me. I'll take care of you.

It's the least I can do.

Well, it won't make up for what you've done,

But if it'll make you feel better...

It really would!

Fine. I get the bed, you get the couch.

I like the fruit punch and you better have cable.

And chips, salty with a little sweetness.

[Scaredy panting]

Wasn't the wheelbarrow a good idea?

I am just full of good ideas.

[Nervous laughter] you-you sure are, paddy.

Maybe we oughta move a little faster, huh?

Paddy: scaredy! I need you!

You dropped the remote again?

Hey! If my leg weren't broken

I could get it myself, but...

So that's everything?

[Gulps]

[Gulps]

[Gulps]

[Stomach growls]

[Laughs]

[Toilet flushes]

Scaredy! I'm done!

Scaredy: I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

Paddy made me read to him all night while he slept!

I'm on call 24/7.

You did break his leg.

I know, and I feel horrible about it,

But now he wants me to throw him a party!

[Gasp] is it his birthday?

No. It's a get well soon gorgeous party.

Paddy: [over walkie] this is broken wing looking for leg breaker.

Come in leg breaker.

[Sighs] can we please pick different code names?

Paddy: [over walkie] the ice in my cola has melted.

I miss the sweet tinkling when I swirl my beverage.

Paddy, I'm at work. I can't just leav-

Paddy: I would get my own ice, but-

Fine! I mean, fine. I'll be right there.

Gotta go.

Can I have a code name?

How about the spovelled avenger?

[Laughs]

[Gasp] he's faking it!

I knew it!

This is just one big practical joke!

Oh no! That means paddy won.

No. Not until he reveals that it's a prank.

[Gasp] which he's probably going to do at the party.

[Gasp] he's been making me plan his victory party!

[Gasp] I like to gasp too.

Before he gets a chance to reveal his prank

I'll super prank him and win the game.

Oh boy! Do it! Do it! Do it!

I'll need pudding. Lots and lots of pudding.

[Crowd cheers and applauds]

[Laughs] I can't wait to see the look on paddy's face

When I win the game in front of everyone!

[Gasp] he's getting ready to speechify!

Citizens of balsa city, hello.

Get in position!

I'd like to thank everyone for still finding me beautiful

Because I really am.

And here comes the squirrel that broke my leg.

Crowd: [booing]

Sweet, sweet, maimed paddy,

I have a very special surprise for you.

Oh wow, I guess I should say somethin'.

Oh, not before I do!

Whoa! Whoa, hey, what's going on?

[Gasps]

Uh, I'm cured?

Now, dave!

[Pudding whooshes]

See? He never really broke his leg!

Ha! Prank number ten. I win!

Crowd: [cheering]

Why I oughta - whoa!

[Snap] ow! My leg!

It is broken for real this time!

Crowd: [angry murmurs]

No, no. Wait, no! That was an accident.

[Angry yelling]

I'm so sorry.

Paddy: you're a monster.

You hurt my beautiful, beautiful body!

Dave: I told him not to do it.

Scaredy: I feel awful.

I'll totally take care of you until you're better.

Let me take care of you! Please?

Paddy: ow! No!

Stay away from me! Stay away!

Woo hoo! We did it, scaredy!

You won the contest! Woo hoo!

Not appropriate, dave. Not appropriate.

♪♪♪

Dave: woo! Who-hoo!

Ah, woo!

Scaredy: [singing to himself]

Why you making that way over here?

Scaredy: because, dave,

A toilet should be kept far away from food.

Hmm. Must have a quarter in here somewhere.

[Gasp] maybe I left it in my pants.

[Flies buzz]

Oh come on!

Okay. I'm going in.

Hey! My 3rd grade report on k*ller snails. D?

That ms. Wolfson was such a meanie!

No more quarters! What do I do? What do I do?

Anything I can do to help?

There's nothing anyone can do!

But dave, I have a-

[Gasp] wait!

I've got quarters at home in my porcu-bank!

Dave! Wait!

[Sniffs]

Here porcu-bank! Here boy!

Stop. Think.

You probably put it somewhere safe.

Oh! The safe!

[Dial rasps]

Yes!

Agh! Bad porcu-bank! Bad! Ow!

Aghah!

Owow!

Okay, that's ridiculous.

Remember to get more quarters.

Ber...!!!

...tha!!!

What am I gonna do without her?

♪♪♪

[Crying]

♪♪♪

[Crying]

Yaiee!

Haven't seen that montage in a while.

I'm not done yet. Sorry.

Okay, I'm going in!

And that last one was today! [Crying]

It's okay. By tomorrow everything will be fine.

[Singing to himself] [toilet flushes]

Aw, buck! That's not- ecgh!

Hey, do you mind? A little privacy here?

Hey, scaredy! Qu-quar-quarters!

Knocking. Knocking. Wh-who? Ah!

Shiny feet! My eyes! My eyes!

Wow! [Gasps] hey buck, how's it going?

Yo.

That's not a real toilet.

Scaredy, look!

[Heavenly choir sings] it just showed up at my door!

I just opened the door and there it was;

A briefcase filled with perfectly shined quarters

Arranged systematically according to the...

Hey! It was you!

Maybe not! Why would you say-

There's a note on the case that says lift with your knees!

Buck: sounds like you, scaredy.

Fine. It was me.

The important thing is

That you can go back to riding bertha.

I can't just take money from you, scaredy.

That'd be like stealing from someone

Who was trying to give me free money.

Buck: oh great!

There's no toilet paper.

Dave, I got it! You need a job.

How is that going to help?

If you have a job you get paid.

In money.

Quarters are money.

Why didn't you say so?

Scaredy: okay! Here we go.

Bank teller wanted. Scuba instructor.

Hot yoga salesman.

How about a job as a sea shell salesman by the seashore?

Me sell sea shells by the seashore?

No way, not today, I couldn't do it anyway.

I hate rhyming.

Last one! Wanted,

Professional caretaking technician

For an esteemed elderly goat.

Each task pays one quarter!

I will get that gob!

Job. Okay!

Aren't you coming with me?

I have a job.

Then couldn't you just get me some quarters?

Um, I tried that and you-

Right! Right right right! Yep. Right.

Come closer so I can get a look at ya!

Closer. My eyes ain't what they used to be.

A little bit closer, sonny. Come on!

Closer.

Oh. There you are!

Why is your face so flat?

I want my employees to do whatever I say,

But I don't like a yes man!

Whatever you say! You're the boss!

Good. I don't want any arguments.

No worries, I hate arguing.

Not more than me you don't!

I dunno, I might.

Are you arguing with me?

Oh no! I think I am!

Good, I love arguing.

But you said you hated it.

Never did. Prove it.

Okay.

You're hired.

Yes! This is great!

Now go put some tea on!

Put some tea on what?

The stove!

Okay but I'll have to make it first.

Oh you're making me mad already.

I can't stand how much I like you!

Buck: and all I'm saying is

There should have been a sign or something!

Hey, how's the glamorous new job?

Not so great.

That grumpy old goat sent me here to buy milk.

Dave, just do what he says, he's your boss.

But he says he doesn't want a yes man.

Doing what he says doesn't make you a yes man it just-

Nestor: scaredy! Scaredy: yes sir.

Get back to work now!

Yes sir, nestor sir!

I'll be back soon pretty lady.

I'll be back [crying] real soon.

This milk feels warm. I like my milk cold.

It was sunny outside.

If it's sunny you carry the milk like this!

See? Now the elements can't get to it.

Heat. Cold. Wind. Rain.

Volcanic eruption. Mardi gras.

You are freaking me out, goat.

I'm right! Say it!

Or would you rather argue about it?

I know you love to argue but-

No, I don't!

Dave: but you said you did.

Never did. Prove it.

Old goat: [on tape] are you arguing with me?

Dave: oh no! I think I am!

Old goat: good, I love arguing.

Why do you have that?

Sometimes I get great ideas and I record them

So I don't forget.

Oh, me too.

Consider firing the skunk.

[Grunts] buy smaller tape recorder.

You're done for the day.

Be here tomorrow at the right time

Or there's gonna be some arguing.

Uh, what time is the right time?

Not tellin'.

Right. That's fair.

Scaredy: so he likes to argue, big deal,

A job's a job.

You know what'll make you feel better?

If you put your quarters into your bank!

I fixed him and made him less dangerous.

I can finally hug him.

Scaredy: go ahead. Put in all the quarters you got today.

No, no. Put them all in. Go on.

Put them- are- did- is that it?

Yep. I made tea. I bought milk.

Two gobs. Two quarters.

Spent the rest of the day arguing mostly.

Dave, at this rate it'll take you-

[Bubbling]

Dave, it'll take you three years to fill it again.

[Sniffs] if he paid me to argue,

It would be full in no time!

Scaredy: okay, okay. Enough crazy talk.

We need an actual plan here.

All right, according to successful rodents magazine

There are three key tips to success.

One, always show up early for work.

Two, make yourself presentable.

And three, most importantly,

Never argue with your boss. Got it?

You just ate two of the key tips to success.

Dave: [crying]

Whatcha doin' here, dave?

Shouldn't you be at work?

I took your advice and showed up early.

And?

I interrupted his nap which made him start to argue.

You didn't argue back, did you?

No! And he argued that my not arguing

Was argumentative so he fired me. [Crying]

Are you wearing mascara?

[Crying] I was making myself presentable!

Now leave me be so I can say goodbye to bertha.

Old goat: well well welly well well,

Look who it is, the skunk who doesn't know how to argue.

I know how, I just don't want to.

Sounds like you're arguing with me.

Oops. Careful, dave.

You wanna piece of this fight, squirrel?

I'll have you know I once beat seven men and a little girl

In an argument without using a single fact!

We're not gonna argue with you.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a display to finish.

That's not how you stack!

Okay, hang on a second now.

Scaredy, no! That's how it starts.

Skunk! Argue with me!

Argue! Do it! Come on! Argue!

[Thinking] hmmm...

[Laughs]

I will argue!

Dave, what are you doing?

And I insist you don't pay me for it.

Too bad for you! I am gonna pay you for it!

No, you are not!

Well, what does that look like!

Looks like you're paying me too much.

You're wrong! I was underpaying you!

Well, I'll be.

Dave: I insist that you stop it!

Old goat: I won't!

Dave: there's no way you could give me any more quarters.

Old goat: oh, just watch me!

Dave: stop it! Old goat: I won't!

Dave: not faster! Old goat: yes, faster!

Dave: less money! Old goat: more money!

Old goat: [panting]

Ha ha ha! Your bank is full.

Take that!

Um, I am going to work for you forever?

No, you're not! You're fired!

Scaredy! My porcu-bank is full again!

Dave! You solved a problem.

My brain somethinged good!

[Sighs] you okay?

Yeah. It's funny though,

I mean, I usually solve the problems.

Maybe there's another problem you can solve.

Nope. There's not enough time for another problem.

Hatton: I got a problem.

See, this one is all yours.

[Laughs] [sighs]

Dave: ♪ it's scaredy squirrels safety corner ♪

♪ Scaredy's in a corner and he's safe ♪

So what's the message on safety corner this week?

Well, I guess we should start with breaking

Other peoples' legs is wrong.

And vanilla prank cake isn't as good as chocolate.

Paddy: go get me another piece.

But i- yes, lord supreme paddy, sir.

[Laughs]

Peacock: bwak bwak:

Hello. May I push your wheelbarrow down a hill

And into a river?

What? Ugh. Who are you?

How about now?

Beat it, rainbow butt.

Hey! No! Stop!

Hey, get away from me crazy feathers!