01x13 - Sarcazmo the Great // SheSquatch

[bunniefuu]

♪ [theme music plays] ♪

Wind Winkers!

It's almost time
to call it a day.

Yes, and you can call
it your last day.

Flying feathers of fear.

They really are scary.

Boomerang brush!

Now that's what I call
a bird bath, pigeon lips.

This is what I call
"My Little Friend".

Mega she-lastic super umbrella.

Alright Le Pigeon,
that's it.

No more Mister Nice Girl!

Rope in a can!

Sacre bleu.

There you go again with
your fowl language.

You know, you're really
making me wanna get a pool.

[phone rings]

Kelly. Perfect timing.

I need your help with something.

Please, dad. Come on.

Pretty please.

No, we're not getting
a pool and that's final.

[both] Why not?

Yeah. Why not?

It'd be a great way to relax
after a long day of serving

and protecting the public, Dad.

Yeah, dad, you deserve it.

And we could get a slide.

What do you think,
we're millionaires?

I'm a cop, remember?

And your mom here's a...

she-- what is it you
call yourself again, honey?

An artist.

That's it, and besides,
last time I checked

you kids already have a pool.

So, Dad,
let me get this straight.

You'd be fine with
us having a pool.

You're just not comfortable with
the associated expense. Correct?

Bingo, fancy talker.

You heard him.
He's okay with it if it's free.

Let's do this.

Hello!

Welcome to Pools for Fools,

the backyard make-over
reality show

where I give the average fool,
i.e. you,

a brand new pool.

Seriously?

I'm your host, yours truly,

the one and only
Sarcazmo the Great!

The backyard make-over magician?

Who's the genius?

Alberta Einstein?

That's our mom.

Welcome to reality TV,
my fair lady.

You possess the face of a star.

Well, at least
a reality TV star.

Are we on a close-up?

What about me, I'm the dad.

That's what you look like,
Buster.

It's Boxter.

Your name will be king of
all celebrity pool owners

by the time I'm done with you.

I just need you both
to sign here, please.

Shall we take the plunge?

Let's dive in head first.

I'm so excited
I can barely write.

What's my name again?

Yeah. There we go.

And initial here, please.

And initial here.

And here...

And here...

And here...

And here.

Oh, and here.

And here.

And here. And here.

And here.

And that's it.

Now for the second contract.

J.K. Just kidding.

These fools need a pool!

Start digging!

Dig faster!

According to the computer
down at the network

Sarcazmo's ratings
are in the dump.

Ratings, shmatings!

As long as we get a free pool,
I couldn't care less.

- Right?
- Totally.

Who's that?

What are you doing here?

As the network executive,
it is my duty to inform you that

this episode of Pools for Fools

had better skyrocket
in the ratings

or it will be your last episode.

- Ever!
- No.

Yes. That is all.

Please! No, you can't
take this away from me.

Get off of me,
you reality reject.

Hey, Sarcazmo.

You look super bummed, dude.

Really? What gave it away?

We heard what the network
lady said to you.

Why don't you just
wave your magic wand

and make her disappear?

Believe me, kid,
I would if I could

but my magic only
works on back yards.

Not even front yards?

- Not even dog runs.
- Seriously?

That's really random.

Here. I'll show you.

♪ I can zap a bush, with
a great big toosh ♪

♪ I can use my powers to
grow ginormous flowers ♪

♪ A canopy
A great big tree ♪

♪ A hammock with a coosh ♪

♪ A fire pit
A roasting spit ♪

♪ A pole and tether ball ♪

♪ A birdie home
A little gnome ♪

♪ A scarecrow, big and tall ♪

♪ A compost pile
A flag with a smile ♪

♪ Chairs large and small ♪

♪ A shuffle board
A great big gourd ♪

♪ And a waterfall ♪

♪ Things for the back yard ♪

♪ That's all ♪

Wow.

That's very specialized.

Specialized? That's it!

I'm going to
specialize your pool

into the most special pool
I have ever created!

I bet that'll be great
for your ratings.

Precisely, my dear.

Now beat it kid,
you're buggin' me.

I have to admit I've never been
on reality TV before so...

It's a tough decision,
and I hate to do this, but...

I'm gonna have to
vote Kelly off.

[Sarcazmo] This isn't
that kind of reality show.

We don't vote people off.

Oops.

But between you and me

I just hope we can make it
off this island alive.

Really, you wanna
hear all about me

and my art and my feelings too?

How much time do you have?

Personally, I think
Pools for Fools is

a very interesting experiment
in family dynamics

and ornamental horticulture.

The reality show generation
is definitely one in which--

I just want a pool.

You have anything else to say?

With a slide. Pool with a slide.

I'm not a member of the family.

I'm just a friend,
but watch this!

This week on Pools for Fools

we are broadcasting
live from Megadale.

Where I, Sarcazmo the Great,
have created

the world's most elaborate pool!

The only question is...

Can this family, and their
ever-present friend,

survive the pool of doom?

Heck to the no.

- Yes!
- Awesome town, population us!

- Cancel that.
- Never mind.

My She-S-P is tingling.

Gee, I wonder why.

Alright! What's the big idea,
Sarcazmo?

SheZow! This is so great!

You're just in time
to help my ratings.

I mean,
welcome to Pools for Fools!

This is shemazing!

Are you ready for the most

radically ridiculous
reality challenge

that nobody can win, SheZow?

What if I say no?

You can't.

Okay, then! I'm ridiculously
and radically really ready.

Goody!

Yeah!

I she how it is.
It's time to rock-n-roll.

Oh, looky,
it's two-for-one day.

And three makes a crowd!
Mega mascara whiplash!

Are you getting this?

You'd better be.
It's ratings gold, I tell you.

My hair.

I feel absolutely she-lirious.

Hello, little kitten.

She-Yikes!

That's a wrap!

Stop that! What are you doing?

This is my greatest show ever!

Where are you going? We're live!

Not anymore, Sarcazmo.

Pools for Fools
has been cancelled.

But what about the ratings?

Didn't they go up?

Yes, the ratings were
the highest ever

in the entire history
of television.

I get it. You're actually here

with an offer for a brand
new show, aren't you?

Yes.

A beautiful new contract.

For SheZow.

For me?

[voiceover]
Life with SheZow!

Gag me with a magic wand.

Sarcazmo out.

Check me out.
I'm the amazing Maz.

You might wanna
be careful with that.

Did somebody order a
pool with a slide?

Maz, stop. Everybody knows you
shouldn't mess with a loaded--

Magic wand.

Yes, that is a gnome fact.

Pick up the pace.

Super she-slap!

- So? How did I do?
- Just as I thought.

Your speed is down
three seconds,

your sonic shriek
is off by two decibels

and your super she-slap
is at wuss level.

So what? It's not like I'm going
to lose my powers altogether.

Yes, you will.

Seriously? Okay. What do I do?

You need to recharge your powers

by having a non-urban
geophysical

exterior experience.

In English, please.

You need to go camping.

Camping?

Yes. Your powers are
derived from nature

and the unadulterated
geophysical energy will

recharge them,
possibly enhance them.

But I hate camping.

Too bad, we're going. I just
texted mom and she said 'yeah'.

Great, she'll probably take us
to one of those hippie places.

She said you could take Maz.

Well, at least that's
a little better.

Try not to get too excited.

You might wanna watch
your speed, hon.

Should I go faster?

Don't worry, mom, you won't
miss the drumming circle.

They'd never start without you.

You're probably right.
How far to the turn-off?

Not far enough.

It's right up here, Mrs. H.

Hold on.

WELCOME TO BIG
TICK NATIONAL PARK

We're here!

That was some fancy driving,
Mrs. H.

Thanks, Maz.

What? I thought Big Foot
was just an urban legend.

Think again, son.

We get a lotta
Big Foot sightings

here at Big Tick National Park.

Yeah, whatever. I'm just here

to have a non-urban geophysical
exterior experience.

Say what?

- I wanna see Big Foot!
- You would.

I guarantee you will.

Not sure we'll be able to tell
Big Foot from the campers.

Very funny!

The Drum Circle!

Tonight, when we
welcome the aurora

we'll pound drums in harmony and
experience oneness with nature!

You do that, mom. Soon as I get
a signal, I'm calling a cab.

SheZow's powers come
from nature, remember?

Yeah, so does malaria.

I wish you'd keep an open mind.

You might discover a new
power or something.

Come, everyone! Let's join
the circle! Come on, Maz!

Who wants to go fishing?

Good thinking!

Grab the gear!

Hey, wait for me!

Yes sir, this is more like it,
huh boys?

Anything is better than
a dumming circle,

I mean drumming circle.

Just us, the fish, and--

Holy Sasquatch!

It's got Maz!

Not for long. You track him,
son, I'll set a trap!

Track 'em? How?

Right. I'm coming, Maz!

I better change my pants first.

Nature. Come on. Haven't they
ever heard of sidewalks?

I can see the headline now.

"Boxter Hamdon Catches Monster."

There'll be talk shows,
book deals,

maybe my own cartoon series!

It's a good thing these
vines broke my fall.

Crikey, it's poison ivy.

I've gotta get outta here.
This isn't funny.

Feels like my skin's coming off!
Sheila, help!

SheZow... where are...
Signal... very weak...

I don't know where I am!

I'm lost and thirsty
and hungry and--

Sensors indicate... danger.

What? There's nothing here but--

Fire ants!

Easy, Big Foot.

I am not Big Foot!
My name is Shesquatch.

And my feet are really quite
dainty for my body size. See?

I always dreamed of
being a dancer.

Then you go for it.

I can't. I have a contract
with the Park Ranger.

He makes me scare tourists.

It's my job and I hate it!

Awww!

[SheZow] Aaah!

I've got ants in my pants.

That is, if I was wearing pants!

- Hey!
- Maz? Dude, watch out!

Laser lipstick!

It's okay, she's my friend.

You made friends with Big Foot?

I am not Big Foot!

- This is--
Shesquatch, where are you?

It's the Ranger! Quick, hide!

I got a park full of
campers out there.

And they wanna be
scared by Big Foot!

We have a contract, remember?

Now get out there and
do your job!

Poor Shesquatch.
That man treats her so bad.

Will you please help me
get out of my contract?

All we have to do is tear
up the ranger's copy.

I'll do anything for you!

Can you pull this porcupine
off my behind, like now?

Gonna need this, and that,
and this and that--

Dear? Please! We're awaiting
oneness with the aurora.

Yeah, yeah, that's nice dear.

But I'm tracking Big Foot!
See you later!

Wait a minute, what are you up
to with those humans?

Hey, wait up!

I'm gonna get so famous.

I'm gonna be
on the Nature News,

National Geocentric,
and on the cover

of Dapper Trapper magazine.

All in one day.

Finally a little recognition,
for little old me.

With my foolproof trap, I'm
about to sh**t to the top.

Step on it, you guys!

Stop right there!

He's gonna catch us!

Not if I can help it!

There.
That oughta slow him down.

Dude, how are we gonna destroy
his copy of the contract?

I'm not sure yet.

Come on, let's get outta here!

This is disgusting.

Now, which way
to the hippy camp?

Hold on! The ranger's that way.
Let's cut through over here.

What're we gonna do now?

Everybody! Run! Get outta here!
There are monsters everywhere!

Big Foot!

Boxter. Sit in the drum circle.

Feel peace.

If you can't join them,
beat them.

What the--

It's that deranged ranger!

What's happening to me?

I must be having a non-urban
geophysical exterior experience.

In fact, I know I am because

I can full-on
understand that bird.

[whistles]

This is cool.

Kelly was right, I'm
unlocking a new power.

I can talk to the animals!

Shesquatch! What do you
think you're you doing?

This is a total
breach of contract!

Don't make me get all
legal on your fur!

Now, get back to--

Get off of me,
you nasty little--

Leave me alone,
you filthy rodents!

Well, that's one way
to shred a contract.

I'm so glad everything
turned out okay in the end.

Did you have to say end?

♪ [theme music plays] ♪