07x19 - Welcome to Pomp and Circumstance

[bunniefuu]

Okay, I'm thinking we put
the charging stations here

and then the restrooms here.

By the front door?

Well, that means that
people will be coming in

from the street to pee.

I don't want street pee-ers.

Hey, what's up, fam?

I'm not usually a hat guy,
but check this out. [LAUGHS]

You are gonna look so handsome.

- Oh, thank you, Mama.
- Uh-huh. Mwah.

- Oh, man. [LAUGHS]
- Hey.

- The proudest day of my life.
- Hey.

- My son, the college graduate.
- Hit me up, Pop. Yeah.

Uh, wow.

Look, I didn't mean
it like that, Marty.

I mean, I always knew
you was gonna graduate.

Yeah. I-I got two degrees.

Wow.

You know what? Y'all don't
know how to take compliments.

Hey, is that the new westside Fusebox?

Yup. I better get over there now.

My traffic app says it's gonna take me

about 82 minutes to get there.

- [CHIRP]
- Aah! Uh, rerouting to 89.

Oh. Oh. What? Now it says 93.

- Love you. Mwah.
- Okay.

I have got a lot to do to get ready

for the big graduation party.

Aren't you excited, Malcolm?

Yes, I am very excited.

You know, things are finally starting

to come together for me.

I got an agent, my-my
manuscript is about to go out.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, you know, we have
so much to celebrate.

Yeah. Yeah, we do.

- Uh, but about the party, Mama.
- Uh-huh.

You are not going to
go overboard, are you?

Yeah. [SCOFFS]

Look, look, look. Look. Look at...

Look at this evite.

[LAUGHS] Is this my face

on a guy doing the running man?

- It was my idea to add the little hat.
- TINA: Yeah.

You know? Thanks. Let me
see, let me see, let me see,

No, don't... and...

- send.
- Oh, God.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

CALVIN: All right now, babe.

This party is not gonna
stress you out, right?

On our baby's graduation day?

Oh, no. Nothing is
gonna stress me out.

[PHONE CHIMES]

What the...?!

What is it, Ma?

Gemma just sent an evite.

She's throwing a party for
Grover on the same damn night.

What the...?!

Gemma, what were you thinking,

throwing a party for Grover
on Malcolm's graduation day?

It's Grover's graduation day,

and I was gonna ask
you the same thing.

Oh, come on, Gemma. Really?

Eighth grade graduation
isn't even a thing.

Not a thing?

Do you think people just
waltz into ninth grade?

Uh, yes.

Well, look, I guess we're
just gonna have to have

two separate parties
on the same night.

Unless

we do something way, way better.

- Co-party!
- Co-party!

- Oh, my God. This is gonna be so much fun.
- Yes!

- That's what I was thinking.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

Um, can one of you
take me to the mall?

Yeah, sure, buddy. What do you need?

Uh, never mind if you're gonna
ask me all these questions.

No, it's fine, I'll
take you. Which mall?

Oh, my God! With the questions.

Okay, fine. You know what,

we'll just drive you
until you say stop.

Uh, Century City.

That's pretty far. Well,
yeah, but my friend says

the cool clothes are at Century City.

Which friend?

Oh, you don't know her.

Her?

Does her have a name?

No.

Come on, Grover.

No way. I don't want you

to make her feel weird at the party.

Grover, we're not going
to embarrass you, okay?

You know what, fine. Let's
just go to Century City

and, as the kids say, I
will put you up on game.

- Mom, can you take me?
- Yeah, sure.

That ceremony was so nice.

You know, I was surprised to see

Bad Bunny was the
commencement speaker.

Okay, I'm gonna text
Malcolm where we are.

Everybody hold up your giant heads.

- Okay, okay, we got 'em, we got 'em.
- Oh, yep, yeah.

Oh. There's Malcolm
over there. Malcolm!

- MARTY: Malcolm!
- CALVIN: ♪ Malcolm, Malcolm ♪

♪ Malcolm's a graduate! ♪ [SHOUTING]

- ♪ Malcolm's a graduate ♪
- Stop, stop. What are you...

Stop cheering, Daddy.

Malcolm.

- Congratulations.
- Hey!

Hi. Thank you so much.

- Oh, look at this.
- So proud of you.

- [LAUGHS] I'm so glad you could make it.
- Of course.

- Yeah, I didn't think you...
- I wouldn't miss it.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mom, Dad, Marty, this is Lisa
Chatsworth, my book agent.

- Oh, thank God.
- Oh! Okay. Oh.

- Lisa, pleasure to meet you.
- So nice to meet you.

- Hey, Lisa. So nice.
- Pleasure. Yes.

You must be so proud of Malcolm.

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES] Yes.

Now, where does he
get his genius from?

Well, you know, he gets a
little bit from his mama,

- but most of...
- He gets it all from me.

Now, do you mind if I borrow
the author for a second?

- Sure.
- LISA: Okay, thank you.

[CHUCKLES] Okay, Malcolm,
I just want you to know,

I've got your manuscript
out all over town.

Lots of eyeballs, lots of chatter.

Everyone loves the
writing, and they love you.

Oh, Lisa, that is great.
So, we're getting offers?

Uh, not per se.

But this is a process.

And we're at the part of the process

where there's a lot of rejections.

Well, that sounds terrible.

No. No, no, no. Rejections are good.

Yeah, if we weren't getting
rejections, I'd be worried.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Because...

You're right. I don't
know why I said that.

Excuse me, Lisa, would you mind

taking a picture of us
by the big 2025 sign?

Of course.

Thank you so much.

You know what, let
me handle this. Okay.

All right, y'all have
been here for a minute.

Can you all please leave?
'Cause it's our turn.

Thank you so much.
And congratulations.

- Yeah. Okay.
- Yeah.

Go on, now.

I'm sorry. Could
we... Get out of here.

Okay.

Let's smile. Okay. Here we go.

- Cheese.
- Oh, so nice.

Now point to the graduate.

Oh, he's the man. Here
we go! Here we go!

And duck face...

It's like a little
kissy face. Oh, do...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And now Charlie's Angels.

Gorgeous.

Dave.

What the hell is this?

It's a silent disco.

Well, I hear the silence.

Where's the disco?

It's in their headphones.
It's a thing now.

Well, couldn't they just
take the headphones off

and let the music play
over the speakers?

Come on. Calvin, then
it wouldn't be a...

Oh, my God.

Is this stupid?

So, let's figure this out.

Who do you think Grover likes?

I don't know. It's hard to tell.

None of the kids are pairing up.

They're all in just one big clump.

And they're not really even dancing.

Are you sure they're
listening to the same song?

Hey! Hey!

- Hey! Hey!
- Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Got that...

Huh?

Yeah, you see that?

All of Grover's friends came early,

and they're eating up
all the adult food.

I spent three days on this.

Tina, j-just relax.

I mean, as long as there's food out,

people will be happy.

Screw "people," okay?

I am not happy.

I marinated those shrimp.

I deveined them. I trimmed the tails.

All Gemma did was just dump a bunch

of Costco corn dogs in the air fryer!

Hey, my man. You here with Grover?

Give me that shrimp,
and you take a corn dog.

Sorry, bruh. Go on, now.

Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. What is that?

What is this? Who brought the cooler?

Oh, I did. No need to thank me.

We family.

Does that have liquor in it?

Oh, well, this one does.

See, I bought Sunny J for the kids,

and Sunny J Hard for
the adults. [CHUCKLES]

So, you mixed 'em in the same cooler?

How many coolers you think I got?

[EXCLAIMS]

Calvin. Like, some...

some of the kids may have
gotten the wrong one.

Oh, oh, oh. Hey, my man.

Yo, I need to see what
you're sipping on.

- TINA: Get him.
- No, no. Don't you run.

Go get him, Calvin!

- Don't run! I need...
- TINA: He's got one!

So, what'd you get your degree in?

Oh, uh, English.

Oh. What you gonna do with that?

Well, I'm a writer. I'm gonna write.

Hmm, okay. My half brother,
Herman, he's a writer.

Oh, that's good. What's he working on?

His résumé.

He's trying to get a job
at the post office. Ah.

Good thing you got that coaching job.

No, I-I quit that.

Mm, really?

What you gonna do for money?

I'm going to write. Thank you.

For your information, a lot
of writers do very well.

That's not what I heard.

You two enjoy the party.

Excuse me.

Hey, uh, Malcolm.

Why are there so many little
white kids at your party?

♪

Hey, babe, how you doing?

You, uh... We're out of paprika.

Did you get any paprika?

Baby, I don't think I've ever
bought paprika in my life.

Is it an oil?

Tina, come on, relax. I
want this to be fun for you.

Parties aren't about
having fun, Calvin.

Look-look, I have
standards, unlike Gemma,

the corn dog queen.

And-and where the hell is Marty?

He's missing his
brother's celebration.

- Look, I'll-I'll call him.
- Tell him to get some paprika.

Hello?

Hey, hey, hey, where-where are you?

I'm at the club getting
bottle service. [LAUGHS]

I am stuck in traffic, father!

This app is driving me crazy.

It had me take the 91 to the 10

to the 110 to the 5, and
now it wants me to take

the 134 to the... to the 2! The 2!

Son, turn that GPS off.

Satellites don't know how to drive.

Listen. Okay.

This is what you're gonna do.

Get off the 5, get
off the 5 at Fletcher,

Now go straight,

past the place that used
to be a Blockbuster.

Now I want you to make a right
at the alley, right there.

You go down that alley, and take
it all the way down to Glenoaks.

When you get to the end,

you make a right at the Wendy's or...

or maybe it's a McDonald's,
I'm not sure which one.

Okay, w-which one is it?

I don't know, Marty,

when you smell burgers, make a right.

But if you pass a
old man on the corner

juggling with a one-eyed
dog, you went too far.

- Paprika!
- Okay.

- Paprika.
- And-and get your mama some paprika oil.

Ah, there you go.

Hitting lemons? [CHUCKLES]

I remember back in the day,

you'd smack 'em all
the way to Cresthaven.

Yep. That was 25 years ago, Trey.

Here I am, still doing it.

You know, man, when I
published my first story, I...

I imagined myself living the life

of a writer at the beach.

You know, like-like Hemingway.

Oh, yeah. He-he got a lot of books.

You gonna get there.

I did what I was
supposed to do, right?

You know? I took that leap
and it felt good, Trey.

I grabbed life by the ba*ls,

and then, what do I have
but a handful of ba*ls...

Look, Malcolm...

I know you down right now.

And?

Oh, I-I was just saying,
I know you down right now.

[GRUNTS]

- [THUD]
- Hey! My car.

I'm sorry, Marty.

You okay, man?

You only hit lemons when
you're really upset.

That is not true.

Okay, we're doing that.

So, what are you not upset about?

I am fine, Marty.

[THUD]

Are you aiming for my car?!

Hey, McKenzie.

How's it going? How... O... kay.

Hey, 'sup, Madison.

You hear that new S-Z-A?

She's pretty dope, right?

Hey, Grover, Gr...

Did you ask us for a silent disco

so we wouldn't be able to
talk to any of your friends?

[MOUTHING]

Grover, I'm asking you, did
you not want us to have...

Dave, Dave, he's messing with you.

Come on, babe. You k*lled
it today, all right?

Look, everybody's full,
and they're happy.

Now it's your turn.
You-you take, come on.

Calvin, I-I can't. You know what,

I-I still have to whip the cream.

I-I can't just put
out a naked pie, baby.

Come on.

Hey, deejay. Hey, put
on that St. Louis slide.

- I'm gonna show y'all something.
- TINA: The slide?

- Kids a little something.
- I haven't done this in years, Calvin.

- Oh, my God. All right, all right.
- Let's go, let's go.

- That's one, two, uh-huh.
- I'm-a do this. I'm-a do it, I'm-a do it.

- [GRUNTS]
- [GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]

You know I know what I'm doing.

Yeah. Like that. Hip, hey, hey.

Now to the left. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Now, come on.

[GRUNTING RHYTHMICALLY]

Now slide.

One, two, three, now.

Let's bring it on around.

Bring it on around.

[CHATTER CONTINUING IN DISTANCE]

Marty, I thought my
book was really good.

You know, my agent
thought it was good.

But what if it's not?

I blew up my whole life and
I have no kind of plan B.

No plan B? Malcolm, you
always have a plan B.

And B stands for brother.

- Get off me, Marty.
- What?

I'm trying to love you.

Look, I know, I'm sorry, all right?

Look, I mean, look, if
you're worried about a job,

you can stop that right now.

'Cause you can always come
work with me at the Fusebox.

A guy like you with your skills?

I am not sure what they are,
but I'm sure we need them.

Malcolm?

What are you doing?
We're having a party,

and you're over here hitting fruit.

I know, I just got a
little frustrated, Pop.

Yeah, but don't worry
about it, Dad, I told him

he'll always have a
place at the Fusebox.

No, he won't.

Come on, Daddy, I mean,

I know he's not conventionally
qualified, but I'm sure...

This is not about qualifications, man.

Son, I'm not gonna hire
you at the Fusebox,

because you are gonna
go for your damn dreams.

Yeah, Pop, but my damn
dream is a pipe dream.

And I have no kind of safety net.

Safety net? [CHUCKLES] Safety net?

Do you know what a
safety net gives you?

- Safety?
- Safety?

Exactly.

And that's no good.

It stops you from taking chances.

And that's just not how I raised you.

So come on, take that
bat off your shoulder.

Give me a stance.

Son, w-we don't walk,

- we don't bunt.
- MALCOLM: We don't bunt.

- We swing.
- Swing, yeah.

We swing. Let's go.

That's weird, 'cause you
always told me to bunt.

Well, Marty,

whenever you would swing,
you would fall down.

Yeah.

So, look, my point is

is that I believe in you.

Now I need you to believe in yourself.

Oh, thank you, Pop.

You know, the thing is, uh,

right now, with no safety net,

I, uh... [CHUCKLES]

could use a break on that rent.

Well, I do believe in you.

My man.

Too much to do that.

[MOUTHING]

[LOUDLY]: Don't look
now, but he's dancing

next to the tall girl.

[GEMMA GASPS]

[LOUDLY]: She's cute.

They do realize that
they're yelling, right?

He keeps looking at the
girl with the red sneakers.

Right on. She's giving
real boho vibes.

Yeah.

Mystery solved.

Yeah. Grover's girlfriend

is red sneakers.

Yeah. [DAVE LAUGHS]

[GEMMA WHOOPS]

Who ate the hot dogs out of
these corn dogs, and how?

Yeah.

Grover has weird friends.

Look, they ate around
the stick and the corn.

Just straight dog.

[WHOOPS] Come on! Let's
get this party started.

Hey.

Uh, Lisa, the party
started five hours ago.

Well, this is party part deux.

Oh, I'm glad your whole family's here.

And this guy.

Cousin? What?

Well, we're basically cousins,

'cause we been friends forever,

and in Black culture, that makes us...

So friends. Good, good, good.

Ah. Malcolm.

ONE WORD: Guanaco.

I'm gonna need more words than that.

Uh-huh. Guanaco Press.

They made an offer on your book.

Oh! [LAUGHS]

Did you say an offer?

- Yo, are you serious?
- Yeah, and it gets better.

I used the sale to start a bidding w*r

for the movie rights.

Idris Elba, Kevin Hart

and Jaden Smith all
want to play the lead.

[LAUGHS]

So was the character
description just "Black"?

They offered a healthy advance.

But a healthy advance is for suckers.

What the hell?

I told them we want a big-a*s advance,

and we got it.

Okay. That's my girl!

That's my girl right there. Nice.

- [SOBS]
- What's wrong with you?

We did it, cuz.

Trey, come on, now.
Get on out of here.

See, son?

See what happens when
you believe in yourself?

Yeah, Pop.

Y-You told me that,
uh, 15 minutes ago.

And I never lost faith.

Hey, buddy, you, uh, you good?

Yeah.

Oh. Great.

We were afraid we
embarrassed you tonight.

Oh, oh, you did.

Completely.

I mean, it was utterly humiliating.

Okay, uh...

But, um, then someone told me

her parents were, uh,

almost as dorky as you are.

Uh, and we kind of bonded over that.

So, uh, thank you.

Thank you for

being so incredibly uncool.

You are so welcome, honey.

Well, enjoy tonight

because tomorrow, it
is time to get serious.

You go to your writing
room and you hunker down.

Oh, I wish I had a writing room.

Where does the genius happen?

Uh, well, sometimes at
the kitchen counter.

In the living room.

But when my baby niece is there,

I have got to go inside my room and

I don't have a desk in there,

so I got to balance
the laptop on my knees.

Malcolm, you are not that guy anymore.

You got a check with a
bunch of zeroes in it.

It's time to get your own space.

Somewhere that gets the juices
flowing. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Well, you know, I've
always liked the water.

Boat. Love it.

Ah. [CHUCKLES] No. No, no, no.

I was thinking on the
land, near the water.

Oh. That's why you're the writer.

Yes, I am.

But you know what? It's, uh...

Yeah, it is time I take my next step.

You know? I just...

...got to find a way to tell my mama

that I'm leaving the nest.

Say what now?! Who's
leaving what nest?!

I heard him say he's leaving the nest!

No, no, no. [CHUCKLES]

How did she even hear that?