01x02 - Clean Break Queenie

[bunniefuu]

Seriously, Grandad, this

won't be here for long.

It's just that the place that

I'm moving into is teeny.

How long before you move in?

You know there's always

a room for you here.

That's never gonna happen.

I'm sure we're still in a

cost-of-living crisis, Veronica.

Paying for water's so expensive,

make you think you're

paying for wine.

I-I won't need to do that.

Uh, I'll I'll be fine.

I'll be

..uh, fine.

So, someone finally learned to

grow a beard that connects, yeah?

100% organic shea

butter, innit! Yeah.

But I know you Jamaicans

don't know about dem things

Do you know something? I will

have you know that as a Jamaican,

not only do I know about shea

butter, but you can tell.

Uh-huh. Uh Yeah,

yeah, hold that.

Yo, what you say? You've

got Frank. How can I help?

Um, you heard from

Tom? Uh, yeah

No. No, uh, just helping

a friend move, innit?

Not since I told him that

I found my own place.

CLEARS HER THROA

But it's OK, do you

know what I mean?

Like, cos we're just

We're just taking time

and space away from each other right

now, and All right, say less.

Yeah. In a bit.

So, here, what, Monday

Mm-hm? ..I put up,

"Brothers love saying they're dating

you without absolutely no dates."

Yes. Tuesday, Sean

pops up talking about,

"Hey, Empress, let

me take ya out."

Sean? Yeah. Omarion,

but with height.

Oh. Yes, that Sean. Nah,

you guys are rude, cuz.

He's got money, innit? Mm-hm. So,

I put on the black Balmain dress

with the Louboutin thigh-highs.

OK, all right. Mm. So

you wanted him to die?

Of course, I did.

QUEENIE LAUGHS

You see how Kyazike's out here

living her best life? Mm-hm.

And you see how I'm watching

videos of that sausage dog

wearing different shoes to

cheer myself? You like that.

So, he's come out the

BM, white tee. Yes. OK.

Jeans.

Out of season Yeezys.

Next thing you know, we're

parking up in Crystal Palace.

OK And what's wrong with

Crystal Palace? Ends, innit?

Yeah. "Ends, innit?

Ends, innit?" Ah!

Does that sound like an

"ends, innit" type of outfit?

I mean Them

shoes. That dress.

He was taking me to

a Thai restaurant.

Oh. And what's wrong with Thai

food?! You like Thai food.

You like Thai food! Listen,

Frank Ssebendeke, the Second,

I ain't saying I'm too

good for Thai food

I remember mine and

Tom's first date.

And the first time we kissed,

and the first time we

HORN HONKS

On the real, does

Does Grandma know that her

baby's living in the trap house?

Uh, would we call

it a trap house?

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, this is what Tom

has sentenced you to.

He's gonna snack on incompetence

for the rest of his days.

Look, Tom hasn't sentenced

me to anything, you know?

Look, I-I might like it here.

So how comes you've gotta leave

when he could just move in

with his rich-arse parents?

Well, cos they're not r

Look, you think

Kyazike, stop that.

Don't touch, bro.

Do you think I could've

afforded that place on my income

in this economic climate? Tsk.

Plus, it's

It's his place.

Psh, whatever, man.

Your next article Mm?

..could be called "How to

be Bougie in the Bando".

QUEENIE CHUCKLES

Cos this ain't it. Hmm.

This is sending my Caribbean levels

of cleanliness off the scale.

Ah. You good, yeah?

Yeah, man's, good. What,

lift something, innit?

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It's just

that I die a little bit inside

every time you bang my dresser

on the railings and the walls

and Wow! ..every

other available surface.

Ah, like that, yeah? Can

you not? Can you chill?

Well, maybe you should

try doing some lifting

instead of just touching

up the sides. Mm.

And where did you find this

Antiques Roadshow

looking-arse ting anyway, fam?

Cos you know I can just

take you to get a new one,

you know what I'm saying? Um,

it was my mum's, actually.

Queenie, come see this one.

Thank Jesus you grew into

that forehead, cos Hey!

My forehead was fine. Cos, boy,

life could've been peak for you.

Hey, leave her

forehead alone, fam.

Thank you. Hey, I've got you.

Defend me, yeah. I've got your back.

Although, I can't lie, that

was a bit peak, though. Babes!

HE LAUGHS

You know what I like about you?

INTERNALLY: This is how he

used to draw me out at school.

Most people leave ends to try

and find themselves, but

I feel like you always

knew who you were.

I didn't know who I was then.

And I still don't know now.

OUT LOUD: Wow

So deep.

Oh, so it's not just the facial

hair that changed enough?

All right, I know,

man. HE LAUGHS

PHONE RINGS

What you saying?

Let me just get this one. Sure.

Yeah, how you doing, sweetness?

How did I get here?

You good, sis?

Boy. Have you lot

seen this bath?

DOOR CLOSES

I Hm.

What is all this, cuz?

I really love saying I told

you so, but Then don't.

..this is pathetic.

Please don't.

HEARTBEAT POUNDS

Hey, Tom. I'm I'm all good,

in case you were wondering.

ANIMAL SQUEAKING

Found myself a

great place to live.

Hello! Cup of tea?

It's giving aesthetic.

Really interesting housemates.

Very chatty.

I thought you said we'd be doing

something fun. This IS fun!

In a clearing your head,

releasing negative energy,

and taking new power

sort of way. Cassandra.

Come on, next pose.

Palms pressing into the

ground like starfish.

Cassandra has always been good at

everything and knowing everything.

On the first day of university,

she walked up to me and said,

"As the two minorities

on the course,

"we should stick together,"

and has proceeded to tell me

how to improve my life at

every opportunity since.

You OK?

I don't think so.

You know, I'm so pleased you're free

to finally focus all your energy

on mind, body, and soul. Now find

the lengthening in your back

..and slowly breathe into it.

It's time to do what you want.

It's time to think

and reflect. Yeah.

It's time to not wake up with

a d*ck poking you in the back.

What's wrong with waking up

to a d*ck poking in your back?

I liked it.

Plus, Cass, I'm not single, OK? I'm

on a break. It's just temporary.

SHE SIGHS I can't do this.

Queenie

Queenie.

Qu, Queenie

THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH: Queenie!

CORK POPS, CHEERING

I swear, these parties are

like social experiments.

Put a black person in Made in

Chelsea and see what happens.

The demographic is

posh white folk and me.

Oh, and Sam.

Why the f*ck does

he always do that?

Sam, we're the only two black people

at these things! Just say hello.

Queenie? Hi!

Who is this? Haven't

seen you in ages!

Where's Tom? I'm asking

myself the same question.

Tell him I said hi, yeah?

Uh, of course.

Hey.

Just made it to Fran and

James' engagement party.

Some random guy said to,

uh, "Tell Tom I said hi."

Lol.

Queenie. Hi. You

made it. Oh, sorry.

Mm. It's OK. Quick, drink this.

Oh, no, Darcy, I'm not really

drinking. It's expensive. I'm

Mm.

No Simon? He's taking a sh*t.

At a party? Well,

he's older, isn't he?

Oh, Darcy, are you sure that I'm not

third wheeling? There's a lot of

No! No, not at all.

Ugh. So many couples.

How was yoga?

SHE LAUGHS Oh, I see.

Hmm. It's the first time I've

been to one of these things

without Tom in a long time.

Oh, but it's nice

to have you back.

Tom was always pulling you off

into corners to chat at parties.

Mm-hm Let's toast

to a little time out,

after which your relationship will

surely be greater than before.

UNDER HER BREATH: OK.

This is cool. I'm

enjoying myself.

I'm perfectly capable of being at

this kind of party without Tom.

And I'm determined to have

a good, civilised evening.

Hi, Simon.

So sorry to hear

about the break-up.

Whatever happened to

"Hello, good evening"?

It's a break, but thank you.

Thought you weren't

drinking much tonight.

f*ck it.

We'd been together

for three years

SLURRING: and this is the

best that he can do for me.

Do you know what I

mean, right? Ridiculous.

What do you mean I'm

angry? I'm not angry.

I'm not an angry person.

Look at me, do I look angry?

No, babes, you look calm.

No, look. And listen.

Hit me here. Right, OK.

And there's Let me Let me

tell you something else, all right?

I mean, I don't know.

He won't tell me.

Fool me, fool me,

go on and fool me ♪

You know, T-O-M, doesn't get it.

Love me, love me ♪

Maybe he's never got it.

Pretend that you love me ♪

Sorry, but

He just ran away to his mum's.

I'm f*cked.

You're not. But you need to be.

What do you? Give me your phone.

Hey! What are you One sec

Hey! Hey, what are you doing?

I'm making you a

LoveBelow profile.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

don't do that. It'll be fun.

Step back. Into the light.

Maybe like, pout your lips.

You're so lucky your lips

are just naturally like that.

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

OK OK, maybe smile a bit.

Profile pic, sorted.

Uh, what do you want your

opening statement to say?

I'm here for a good time,

but not a long time.

A sex-positive queen.

We love to see it.

Wait, wait. Hold on, hold

on, hold on. That's

You know what? As thirst

traps go, this can run.

What the actual f*ck?

Does he not even miss me?

Huh!

I'll show him clean break.

I'll show him what he's missing.

If Tom doesn't want to see me in

this dress, I know someone who does.

This is fine. This is fun.

This is fine and fun.

Clean break.

Breaking clean.

PHONE VIBRATES

Where is this girl, man?

PHONE VIBRATES

Make me some honey while

my sister's making money

Looking fly with

my suit on ♪

What have you got for us today?

Um, well, I-I thought

about this piece called

"How to Be Bougie in the

Bando". CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

Um, it was about, uh

..the cost of living for young

Londoners who want to have fun.

Um, also a-a piece called, uh,

"Racial Tension

- the US and Us."

Uh, "Us and the" Uh, no. Ugh.

Sorry. It's, "Racial

Tension - US or Us."

OK. Mm-hm?

Wordplay aside. Mm-hm. What's

the content of the piece?

Uh, well, I thought

I could look into

..people who write about

racial tension in the US,

as if it's only happening abroad,

when here in our back yard,

we can see that

there are many

Sorry. Who are these people?

Oh, they're mostly white, middle

class, hypocritical journalists.

I think I'll stop you

there. No, no, Gina, I

I think this is a really strong

piece, and if I could just

If I could just show you my

notes, I Queenie, you know I

I love your quirkiness.

But I really need you to

focus, compartmentalise,

and get back to being

the plucky, capable

..a-and bright social

media assistant

I actually have a

lot of time for.

Mm-hm.

Basically, what I'm

saying, Queenie, is

..back to your best, OK? Yeah.

Thank you, Gina, I'm

Yes, thank you. Sorry.

Thank you, Gina.

I'll be better.

I'll be good.

PHONE BUZZES

My head hurts.

What is he shouting for?

Coffee, paracetamol, or Berocca?

All three, please.

SHE CHUCKLES

Fran and James aren't

upset, are they?

Uh, yes, they are.

You threw up everywhere. Landlord

says they've lost their deposit.

They can't afford their

honeymoon now. What?!

LOUD THROAT CLEARING

I'm winding you up.

Sorry! Anyway, I'm off.

I have to take pictures of some

more pensioners who are accusing

their retirement home of stealing

and selling their medals.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Not that

that isn't very important Hmm.

..just Yeah? I got

this message from Tom.

Mm.

OK. Interesting.

W-Well, like, what does it mean?

Well, I guess it

means no communication

and give each other

space until you're ready

to see each other

again, you know?

Like you both agreed.

Am I just being stupid and he's

He's actually done with me?

In my opinion, I-I think you

just need to respect his space

whilst you wait to

get back together.

You all right, Queenie? Nope.

My life is falling

apart bit by bit.

I'm living with people

who don't take their

shoes off at the door.

Plus, I had a miscarriage,

and the person I want to talk

to about it won't text me back.

Yeah. I'm I'm

I'm fine. Sorry.

Maybe just focus on yourself

for now, yeah? Mm-hm.

All right, darling,

I'm off. See ya.

PHONE BUZZES

WOLF WHISTLE

"Hefty" "Hefty"?

Is this what single people

are saying these days?

Does the chocolate thing

ever work on black girls?

It's highly unlikely that I'll

be giving head to a stranger.

SHE SIGHS

Mm, that feels

decidedly r*cist.

I know who'll help me take

my mind off my heartbreak.

MUSIC: Strike a Pose

by Young T & Bugsey

Girl, you're

kinda cute, you know

Here all alone, girl,

you gotta loosen up

Cos your body

wanna move, you know

Uptight, just loosen up ♪

Didn't Super Freak used to

be a hip-hop night? Yep.

Now it's a bunch of people

pretending to be woke.

Thank you.

Mm. Let's go,

let's go, let's go.

MUSIC: blessing me by Mura

Masa, Pa Salieu, Skillibeng

Baby, how you

move so dangerously?

Don't you know, don't

you know you a dangerous B?

Baby, when you move,

it a stressin' me ♪

Kyazike is literally

black girl goals.

My self-confidence is

negligible in comparison.

Ancestors, if you're listening,

which I think sometimes you're not,

I pray for the spirit

of dancing feet.

You didn't bring me this

far to embarrass me.

Bless, bless, bless me

Coca-Cola shape,

ah nuh Pepsi ♪

Oh Oh, no. Oh, no, no!

Koenigsegg, so me

make you quick

I see the way you

control it, dial it

I know you can go

crazy, work it ♪

So, Frank is handy

in all situations.

Furniture removal and saving

me from weird, starey guys.

..when you elevate,

it feel like magic

Make the kitty wild out

like Tom and Jerry ♪

MUSIC: Psycho Lover by

SHIPS & Brickwork Blue

I wanna be next to you

Wake up

Wake up right next to you ♪

Oh, my God. Is it real? Hey! What

the f*ck do you think you're doing?

She hit me! Are you smoking

crack? You'll know if I hit you.

Oh, my days. Hey. I'ma need

you lot to calm down, yeah?

Yeah, we're calm, man. Chat

to her. f*cking hit me!

I was just standing here, doing

nothing. She grabbed my bum.

Oh, so you hit her,

yeah? No! Wow! What?!

It really be your own. Tell

the truth, you little b*tch.

I was just trying to be

nice, for f*ck's sake.

Hey, hey. OVERLAPPING SHOUTING

If I f*ck you up

SHOUTING CONTINUES

Kyazike! Kyazike, Kyazike.

But if I had Kyazike!

Kyazike, we're leaving.

So you're kicking out the

black guys, bruv, what?!

She ain't gonna

give you her number!

So your name's Chi

Da Kidd, right?

A rapper. Yeah!

OK. Um, so how do

you, like, eat?

And like, pay bills?

And stay warm? Babe, my mixtape

is hot enough for the both of us.

Oh, OK. Innit? Mm-hm. Hm!

But obviously, I'm just working

at Claire's Accessories right now.

Till the rap ting blows up.

MOUTHS: No.

OK! What's the staff

discount saying?

I know you're gonna like

that. 50% off for you, innit?

Peckham, you know?

The place where dancehall

music finally goes to die.

I am not doing diaspora wars

with you. Right, uh-huh.

50 Ah!

Hmm!

Got me losing my composure

around you and that. OK. Um

Let me get two number

sixteens, please. Two sixteens?

Yeah. Sure. Thank you.

Clean break, Queenie.

ECHOING VOICE: You will always be

stupid, just like your mother. What?

HEARTBEAT POUNDS

What? What the f*ck

did you just say? I

I-I just said why you still

chasing man that left you homeless?

I It was just a

joke. I was just joking.

Oh.

Sorry, I

I thought I heard you

say something else.

Um

It's like six months and

then I think I'll probably

be on that phone

Forgot your juice.

Listen Thank you. Now, I

know for a fact Tom's having

a good time right now. You

should be trying to do the same.

IN BACKGROUND:

OK. QUEENIE SIGHS

Frank's right.

PHONE PINGS, WOLF WHISTLE

I think I'm gonna be

like Jay-Z or something. Oh. OK.

BACKGROUND CHATTER

SOFT R'N'B MUSIC PLAYS

If Tom needs space and

I need distractions,

I know just the person.

Not every day, bruv

Look at Look at everyone

is starting with their salad.

I'm not gonna lie,

it's time to dip.

It's getting late, and I

need my eight hours. Mm.

What you saying, you want a lift?

You could stay at mine if you want.

No, I'm good. Uh,

my Uber's here.

Make sure you call me when

you reach home safe, yeah?

Yes, Auntie. OK.

MUSIC BOOMS FROM CAR

You man ever seen an

Uber like that? No. Nope.

Hey, big batty

gyal, good evening.

I can see that your chicken

needs seasoning. Shh!

Oh, God. Am I really doing this?

What? White not hitting

it right? right?

What, you're trying to get

down with the brown, yeah?

Can you just drive, please?

Why are you in the back for?

Just wanted to be different.

Say nada, my G.

Kissing is way off the

menu. Too intimate.

You You just wanna

get straight to it, yeah?

Sorry. Long johns?

What, is it 1895? Adi,

why are you wearing those?

Allow it, man.

It's cold outside.

Oh, my God.

What do you think?

SHE CHUCKLES

Circumcised. It's really

been a day of firsts for me.

You wanna touch it, yeah?

It's so interesting how weird

d*ck feels when it's just a p*nis,

an anatomical p*nis

from a science book

and not the familiar and less

hostile d*ck of the person you love.

HE MOANS

It's called The Destroyer.

And guess what?

What?

The Destroyer wants to

be in your mouth. No! No.

Jeez. What's that mean? Does

that mean I can go straight in,

then, yeah, or is

that off limits, too?

Is this a good idea? Hmm?

If you're still longing for

your white man, I got no problem

with dropping you

off to him right now.

No, no, no, no. No No.

We're We're doing this, yeah?

Jee-e-e-ez!

OK, this is me.

Finally stepping my p*ssy up.

Jee-e-e-e-z!