01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Secrets & Sisterhood...

We wanna do a
fundraising gala in honor of our mother,

who is an Afghan refugee.

- Hopefully, we'll make some money
and hit that $100,000 mark.

- We're gonna hit it.
With your talent and my looks?

- It's the apprehension
that all my sisters have had.

Is he 100% clean?

How do you know
it's not gonna happen again?

- Can we, like... like,
just keep Dr. Strange out of it?

- I think I'm just gonna cool off

on the whole idea
with exploring with women.

I can't tell Mom.

- Don't deny it, please.

Jamila can definitely be controlling.

It gets really stressful.

- You said quite a few things...
- You cursed me out.

- You don't need to embarrass me.
- Shall I tell 'em what you called me?

- I don't care
what you have to say about that.

Why did you call me
a clown-a*s b*tch?

Who here has been
verbally abused by Jamila?

- All this talk and everything,
it really is completely n... not conducive.

We are talking about
delegating tasks right now,

and it all became about,
"My feelings are hurt."

- I understand you're feeling attacked...

- I'm not done talking.
Let me finish talking.

- You're being belittling.

It's just hater. It's hating.

- Jamila constantly belittles.

She has to be the best at everything.

Don't belittle others
while you're trying to bring yourself up.

- I'm not trying
to bring myself up, actually, number one.

Number two...
- Jamila, if you want the credit...

- I guess
I can't even have a conversation.

- You guys are all talking above me.
- No, I'm going to.

- Today's beach day
was supposed to be fun, lighthearted,

talk about our rules and responsibilities
for the fundraiser.

And all of a sudden,

I feel like
I'm being attacked from all angles,

and I feel like my character
is literally being assassinated.

Pride aside, ego aside,

all I'm asking is
let's work together as a family

and let's make this happen.

All right,
there is no "I" in team, by the way.

Okay, there is no "I" in team.

- All right, let's see how many times
we hear "I" from here on out.

- You guys, okay, we get the point.

Maybe she could've had more courtesy
in how she addressed you guys.

We all know when Jamila gets stressed out,

the people who are closest to her
are her punching bags.

We all have the habit of doing that.

It doesn't make it right.

However, this is not the time
to kind of, like, everyone pointing...

Instead of just being like,
"You did this. This is wrong, Jamila,"

it could be just,
I think individually, being like,

"Jamila, look, I don't like
the way you handled me, babe."

I know Jamila's being a fundraiser-zilla,

but I also know what she's been
going through these past couple months

with her miscarriage.

And I feel like she's getting a little bit
ambushed right now by all the girls.

I'm always about even the playing field.

It's like, I don't want any sister
to ever feel ambushed and attacked.

And if they just knew
what she was going through,

maybe they'd have
a little bit more compassion

and maybe have addressed her
a little bit differently.

But right now, this is probably
a really good distraction

and a healthy distraction for her.

It's nice to see her shift focus

and put all of her attention
on something else,

instead of sitting there
thinking about what just happened to her.

- So moving forward...

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

This fundraiser means a lot to me.

I want it to be perfect.

And, yes, we all have our reactions.

I'm not going to justify how I reacted,

but it doesn't feel good

when I'm being attacked
by all you guys either.

Your... Your feelings are valid.
I'm listening.

I just want us all to work together
to make this something special.

That's it.

We all know
our roles and responsibilities.

Now, let's just do it.

And let's make this amazing
for the world to see.

- Inshallah, it's gonna be amazing, okay?

And above all, our mother will be proud,

and Dad will be proud.

So, just don't be a dictator, baby!

Should I move Jay's slippers?

Will they see those?

Hi, Dr. Ally. How are you?
- Hi!

After the fiasco
that took place at the beach,

the girls wanna do a girls' night out,

and I wanna have a good time with them.

But I also wanna bring Jay,
and I want him to have a good time too.

But this is all contingent upon

how this therapy session goes
with Dr. Ally.

Please come in.

Can I get you a glass of water?
Some coffee?

Jay and I fell
head over heels in love really quickly.

And so I want us to get down
to any bottom-line issues that we have

and be able to work through 'em.

All right,
take a deep breath with me.

- Yes.

Breathe out.

So give me an idea of why you think,

um, you wanted me
to meet with you all today.

Um...

Josh and I were going through a divorce.

I dismissed it.
I gave him a second chance.

What about trust between the two of you?

- So, trust between us
is great right now.
- We're amazing.

- At the time?

- At the time? When we were first married?
- Back then? No.

Very bad.

It got to a point
where he was battling his demons.

- Yeah.
- He got into...

He got into pharmaceutical pills.

He had injuries.
But she knew about it
right in the beginning.

I laid everything on the table.

- Yeah, I didn't know
you were over there drinking

and taking,
like, you know, painkillers.

Like, I had no idea.

- That would've been too concerning.

That would've been my deal breaker.

I'm the antithesis of that.

That's not really my lifestyle.

- But she saw how I lived, so.
- No.

- And she was accepting. You accepted it.

- No, it was more accepting of how... No.
- She accepted it. I laid it on the table.

I was basically...
And the reason I laid it on the table

is because I never wanted that
thrown back in my face.

- Jay was addicted to pharmaceuticals,

and I was addicted to him.

The hardest thing was that
I was still in love with him

when I filed for divorce.

- Very much in love. But I'm like...
- You were protecting yourself.

- I... I had to.

At that time, you could just tell,
like, my light was gone.

And I kept trying to survive him
and then, you know, breathe life into him,

and it just sucked the life out of me.

And I took him
and I was like, "No, I'ma save you."

Because you're worth saving.

And he was worth saving.

So what are your emotions about now?

- Just to see where I came from with him

and just everything
I went through with him.

To see what I have with him now
is just, like, I'm thankful, I'm grateful.

I... I hoped and I prayed

that he'd come back
as the person I fell in love with.

But I didn't know
if it was actually going to happen.

- What are your feelings right now?

Stick with 'em.

Just seeing her sad.

I was hurt just because I believe,
like, she was gonna ride it out with me,

like ride or die.

So when she just... She just bounced!

I was hiding the issues,
from my family.

- Okay.
- My family saw me losing the weight

'cause I was embarrassed and ashamed.

I'm like, "This is my husband,
but he's over here popping pills.

I'm miserable right now."
- Yeah.

- To where it got to a point
where he was so bad,

everyone saw it.
I was like, "I'm out!"

- I'm not trying to throw
anyone under the bus,

that I will have to say
is her and her sisters,

they pour out their insecurities,
like, out on each other,

so then it starts
with their heads.

- Okay. So what that sounds like
is boundaries.

- It's all blurred lines.

It's 'cause my sisters and I,
we're each other's best friends.

Naturally, it's like you become
engulfed in each other's lives.

- I was raised as, like, children are,
you know, to be seen, not heard.

We were never good enough.

But when it comes
to substance abuse stuff,

did you get treatment?

Was it just something
you just did on your own or was it...

I hit bottom.

- So my question is,
how are you sustaining it?

And now,
I do get very protective of him

'cause I'm like, I never ever, ever
want to see him go through

what he went through again.

- I see the two of you are very connected,

and it's important to be connected,

but it's also important for you to have

your own separate perspectives
and understandings.

Y'all haven't been
married that... that long.

You're still learning
a lot about each other.

And I think there's one thing
that I would like

the two of you to do separately,

is journal.

In order to maintain
the healthy sobriety that he's been at,

we wanna allow him the space

to maintain the relationships
that are important to him

and to do the things
that are important to him.

All right,
so how do you feel about that?

- I think that's a wonderful idea.

A lot of the reason
why I'm so strict on him

is because I don't want him repeating
any of the other mistakes he's repeated

with having bad people around him.

So I agree with Dr. Ally.

I have homework to do.

I will loosen the reins a little bit
on my terms.

I will let him go out

and have the greatest time
in all of the land

with my sisters and I.

And then once that happens
and he passes those tests,

then he can venture out
and do his own thing.

But you gotta crawl before you walk now.

- Remember,

y'all aren't the enemy.

The enemy is the communication pattern.

- Yes!
I really appreciate your perspective.

- Hey.
- How are you?

- Good. How are you?

- Good to see you, baby.
- Good to see you, baby.

The way that my sisters
came at me at the beach really hurt me.

I'm not one to back down,

but I felt like
I really need to hear them out.

I'm ready to move forward.

And I'm really looking forward

to having
a sisters' night out with my sisters,

just so that we can hang out as sisters.

I don't always wanna have to play boss.

- Hi, ladies.
- Hi!

- Thank you so much.
- Of course.

- Thanks for ordering my drink.
- I ordered for you.

- I, um...

- Anyways, I wanted
just to check-in to know

that you knew
that I was thinking about you.

- We're lucky to even have
the love that we have between our family.

People don't get
to even experience that, right?
- They don't.

- And that's why I want,
you know, us to do this fundraiser,

and... and you know, for Mom.

But there's a lot of work
that needs to be done.

A lot was put on you the last fundraiser.
- Yeah.

- And I really wanna make sure
we divvy up the tasks

amongst the other siblings.

- I just don't want, like,
someone trying to take control.

Sid has contributed
immensely to this charity

and deserves credit for what she's done.

But I don't know
if my sisters really understand

my reasoning behind the charity gala
and what this means to me

with all that I've gone through.

Sometimes, it takes me being,
you know, the fundraiser-zilla,

so that they get their job done.

Is that a virgin?
- It is.

- Is there something you wanna tell me?

I mean, like, what is going on?

- Is there something I wanna tell you?

- It's 'cause you're not drinking.

I'm always shocked like, whoa!

- I wish there was something
that I was telling you.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, hold on.

So we're basically... We have our careers,

very proud of ourselves,
and very proud of you as well.

- Yeah, especially, like,
where we've come from.

And I feel like for me,
really, the next step right now,

I want to have a family.

Do you feel like you're ready too?

Or is it just me? Or...

I don't know, Sid.
Like, I've gone through some sh*t.

Maybe I haven't expressed
everything to you and...

I guess
I'm waiting for the right time.

I have just come to a lot of realizations,

that I value the idea of,
like, wanting to have a kid

more so now than ever

because it's never guaranteed.

I'd love to still be an active,
you know, young mom.

Same.

I think it's fair to say

that both of us
want it the traditional way,

but I'm not sticking to that.
- I'm not...

I'm not gonna sit there
and just pray and pray

and be like,
"God, bring me my prince charming

so I can have a family."

- How do you think Mom would feel

if we just said,
"Mom, we don't need a man.

"We're gonna freeze our eggs

and then we'll just have
the Wolf Pack raise our kids."

They could have my breast milk
if you were working.

- Um...

- Breastfeed one here
and breastfeed one there,

you come home, and then I'd switch.

- No, I mean, you joke about this and...
- I'm being serious!

We always talked about
getting pregnant together,

with or without men.

You rub my feet. I'll rub your feet.

- If you're really serious about this...
- Of course, I'm serious.

And I'm not joking.

I don't wanna keep waiting
to freeze my eggs.

That would be the first step.
Would you be down to freeze?

- I would freeze my eggs with you,
I promise you that.

I won't let you do it alone.

- If Sid and I are really gonna do this,
we need to let our Mom know.

And I'm not sure
if she's gonna be accepting of it.

And Sid doesn't know
what I've gone through.

She doesn't know
that I've already been pregnant,

that I've gone through a miscarriage.

There's some things
that I feel like I can tell Sid,

and there's other things

that I just don't know
if I would trust her knowing

because it might get out.

I'm not ready for that.

- You know how I feel
about my pinky promises, girl.

- You swear?
- I swear.

- Swear?
- Swear.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Here's to freezing our eggs.

- The Wolf Pack is going out tonight.

I just wanna have fun.

I don't wanna talk about work
or any drama.

I'm just here to let loose.

Ooh-wee!

Usually, you're the one
getting the party started

when we come out.

I know, you're my partner in crime.

You're my sidekick.

- Yeah, well, you have a new one now.

I can't drink tonight
because I have surgery tomorrow

to remove my kidney stones,

but I can't miss out on girls' night.

Hey!

- Look at you!
- Ooh-la-la!

Look at you
looking all fancy-schmancy.

Wow!

- How are you, ladies?
- Good. How are you?

I feel like I just saw you, so...
- I know, we're always together.

- I know.

- Jamila and Sid, peanut butter and jelly.

I'm the jelly.

You know how far,
Shakur and Josh are?

- They're actually fairly close.

Wait, so Josh is coming too?

- I know.

- You know, Shakur's not gonna
let us, like, let him drink.

- We have to respect it.
- Whatever the boss says.

- I've learned my lesson
with having to be the one

to, like, sneak Josh drinks.

- It's me and Noors that fall in easily.

- He always looks at me and he goes...

I know so Josh can...

- And he doesn't even try
to be, like, low-key about it.

Like, he's so obvious
with his facial expressions,

- and I'm like, "Does he not care?"
- He's pretty obvious.

Siddiqa goes,"
but I want him to have a good time."

Yeah.

- Maybe moderation is key.
- Let's go crazy!

I don't think there's
such a thing as moderation with Josh.

- So Josh, he goes where Shakur goes.

He suffers from separation anxiety.

It's something that occurs

when you first take a child away
from its mother.

Get off the teat, Josh.

Jamila and I really want to,
like, you know, check our... our ovaries

and get, like, a little bit...
A little bit of an egg count...

- Get a little bit of an egg count?

- To make sure that we're still,

- you know, ahead of the game.
- Our baseline.

- A baseline. Have kids.
- You know what's crazy though?

A postmenopausal woman
who froze her eggs 10 years ago

- could still carry...
- Yeah.

You can have your eggs frozen forever,

and even after you die, 50 years from now,

someone can use your eggs.

Really?

My gosh!

Aw, look at him!

- Stunning in his red suit!
- Matchy-matchy.

- Hey, matchy-matchy!
- Aww, hey!

- Do I have to get up for Josh?

Don't be a b*tch.

- Hi, you look nice, Mashallah.

You guys looked like
you had a serious conversation
when we walked in.

You were like...

We were just talking about eggs.

- The eggs. Okay.
- Yeah, Siddiqa and I,

have an appointment
to go get our eggs counted.

- Yeah?
- 'Cause I really wanna see
if I'm running out of time.

- Girl, women have babies into their 40s.

You're not running out of time.

- But when you wait longer
to extract your eggs,

your eggs just aren't as quality.

- But how's the love life been?

- Well, no, we don't...
We don't have baby daddies.

- So I mean we would go to a sperm donor.
- Yeah.

- I think Jamila and Sid wanting
to freeze their eggs is a great thing.

But as far as getting a sperm donor,

absolutely not.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing.
I don't know if it's a traditional thing.

Just for me, I always felt like
a woman deserves to be a wife first,

mother second.

And if my mama found out...

My days!

- We're thinking about going
to the same sperm donor.

- Are you serious?
- Having brothers and sisters.

- So you'd wanna share
and have the same father to your children?

They'd be cousin-brothers?

It's crazy.

- Shakur doesn't understand
that times have changed

and that people
have kids different ways now.

And they're so stuck
on this idea of marriage and family,

but do you really need
to have a "husband" to have a child?

Here is to forever living, our eggs.

Forever.

Cheers.

No, so... so when you go to a donor...

When you go to a sperm bank,
first of all, when you go to a sperm bank,

you're just...
You're just collecting the sperm.

- That definitely is probably a sign
that he wants to drink.

Now, I'm in an awkward position.

I definitely do not want
the wrath of Shakur.

My usual approach, Neutral Noor.

Did you hear about that one doctor
who used his sperm

- and has, like, all those kids?
- Over 100 women.

- Over 100 women.
- And they didn't know?

- Wait, he was a physician
and he did this?

- Yeah.
- He was a fertility doctor

and he swapped the samples.

- You look like you're someone
who would, you know,

go in there and spread your seed.

What?

- Brother?
- Thank you.

Josh, how's...
How's your water treating you?

It's great.

- Ask him,
can the man have a drink?

- Jo... Brother, Viking,
can you have a drink?

- Nah.
- Damn!

She trained you well, brother.

Hold on, no, stop it.

No, stop it. Don't say that.

- I'm kidding, brother. I love you.
- You need to stop, girl.

- Right, tell 'em, for the best?
- Yeah, for the best.

But it's for the best.

- But it'd be a good time though.

I'd turn it up.

- I have to pee so bad.
- Go.

Bye, ladies.

All right, guys,
welcome to Siddiqa's Show.

Today we have guest appearances

by Siddiqa Sozahdah,

featuring Siddiqa,

all about Siddiqa.

Brother, patience is key, I told you.

Shakur'll ease up.

Come on!

Hey, look, I'm all about health.

You know what I mean?

- Okay, here.
- But this is a special occasion.

- All right, here. Here.
- Just for you guys. This is, you know...

- Better hurry up
before she comes back.
Hurry up.

- This is a special occasion.

- And you said
you weren't gonna sneak drinks to him.

It's not me.
It was just there.

- Here, take it, cheers. Love you.
- Cheers! Love you too, sis.

You snuck it in, girl.

I'm not witnessing this.

We don't know
what happened to the shot.

The bird took it. It flew away.

That's what happened.

It's a full moon, brother.

I don't really have
any clarity on the boundaries

that Shakur and Josh have
regarding his sobriety,

but I just want him
to relax a bit and have a good time.

This pack, whoo!

- No.
- I said keep 'em coming.

- Okay, she comes.
- Right?

Here she comes, here she comes.

- You guys like setting me up.
- Act cool. She doesn't know.

Ready?

- Boo, what's up?

- What?

- You look like
you got a lot to say tonight.

What is going on?

What is it?

- I feel like Josh really wants to change,

and he's making an effort.

However, I just feel like,

Shakur,
she has such a hand over him.

Anybody would feel, like, fed up.

He's a grown-a*s man.

You gotta let him breathe a little bit.

- You're holding onto something.

I feel like your whole, like,
your aura is very much like, um...

- What's wrong?
- Something's going on,

but I don't wanna say it.

My sisters are not slick
trying to hide shots and drinks.

Like, girl, I see
what the hell you're doing.

Like, here they go,
meddling behind my back.

This is becoming
a bit frustrating at this point,

and very disruptive.

And I feel like
they don't respect my boundaries.

It makes me feel like I'm an outsider.

- What's goin' on between you and Josh?

- He put you through a lot.

- It was really nice that Josh came out.

It was funny
when two of the girls had left,

and he was like, "Well,
now you're down two drinkers.

I'll drink with you."

- He told you he had a vasectomy

but it was reversed.
- Nope. Nope.

- Are you mad that he hid it from you?

I don't think he hid it.
He just didn't disclose it.

The way they've been
ganging up on my marriage.

It's like... It's just not right.

It's just kind of the way they've been
since we were kids.

I'm the leader of the Wolf Pack,
but I'm also a lone wolf too.

Noted.

- You are crazy.

I'm gonna take a shot.

I'll take one for you, brother.

- I'll take one for you.

I already know that's not happenin'.

- Bullshit!

- What you mean?
- Bullshit, babe!

- But why can't I have a drink?

'Cause I can't.

- No, but you had problems.
I never had problems.

I can do it.

- But Shakur's fun
when she has a little buzz.

- I'm the funnest.
So, what does that have to do with it?

- Are you?
- Yeah.

Baby, you have a drink,
I have a drink.

We are one.

If I loosen the reins a little bit,

it shows him more trust,

and it shows him that
you're not really missing out on anything.

But if you start to get inebriated,

then I'm gonna
grip the right back up.

Tighten that leash.

- Baby.
- I see.

- Special occasion, right?
- Special occasion, you got it.

- It is, yeah?
- You got it, yes.

You know what?
Give him a double shot,

because it's a special occasion.

- Ooh! Double!

- Shakur, Shakur, are you sure
you want him taking a double shot?

- Yeah.
- Wait a minute, let me grab...

I forgot something. My whip.

sh*t!

- Pshhh!

Pshhh!
- Dude, that sh*t does whip.

It does whip. That sh*t whips.

It does whip. It whips.

- Wow.
- Ooh-la-la!

- Wow.
- You can have two.

May we always be in sync and unison

and in love with each other.

- Yes! We're always in love.
- You're the b*mb, baby.

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

- And to the Wolf Pack!

It's a full moon!

Lucky night, baby.

You gon' howl at the moon tonight?

After-party at my house.

I'll call the male strippers.

I love sister time!

Thank you for tuning in
to Siddiqa's Show.

Thank you.

- How are you doing?

It would be a good investment
if you had extra money

to buy it and split it.

- Definitely food for thought,
this property is.

Hey, babe, what's up?

- I wanted to tell you,

if you were able to go with me
to see the doctor in a few hours.

Just something seems a bit off.

I've just been feeling
a lot... a lot of pain.

Okay, where are you at right now?

- I'm just handling something real quick.

I'm gonna head home,
like, in a few minutes.

Hope you're not over-exerting yourself.

You're supposed to be resting.

- So I just got outta the hospital

because I had surgery for my kidney stone.

And I really should be resting,

but Amy's in town
and I just... I wanna see her.

I'm just gonna head home
in a few minutes though.

- Okay, love you, bye.
- All right. Love you too, bye.

Heyyy!

- Amy!

My God!

- Hi, love.

My God, I freakin' miss you!

How are you feeling?

- Aw, honestly, I feel like sh*t.

- I just need some positive vibes
because I'm not feeling well,

and Amy is someone that I confide in
and I feel good around.

Like the flowers you got...

Can't extend out so much, I know.

- It's so bad.
- My God! Why are you out?

- I just wanted to see you.
- My God, what happened?

- So basically, it was supposed
to be like a simple procedure.

The stone was too big
that they had to cut through the kidney,

which almost never happens.

And...
- What are you doing out?

- I thought I was gonna be able
to manage my pain better,

but then, like, today I was just like,
damn, it hit me hard!

- I'm so sorry.

- I know, I wish
I saw you, like, on better terms.

- I was kinda thinking
we were gonna go for a ride, but...

- I know, I would've loved that.

But honestly, I can't even
get my foot over to get down the couch.

Yeah.

- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.

- How is everything else going otherwise?

Everything else is good.

I actually wanted to tell you, like,

never really talked about dating girls...
- Yeah.

- with any other sister, exactly.

Except for Nooreya.

You know, 'cause I tell her everything,

and I opened up a little bit about you.

- Really?

But other than that, no,

I don't touch base about it
with any of 'em actually,

not even with Jamila.

- Would Sid be upset, do you think,
if she knew that...

- I don't think she'd be upset.

I think it'd be more of like a hurt thing.

Like, Siddiqa would like to know

that she is the sister that anybody can
actually talk to and you know...

- Yeah.
- And be like that.

She wants to be that person for everyone.

But personally,
that's not the first person
I would go to for me to, like,

confide in like that.

- Am I... the first girl
that you've ever had, like, a crush on?

Are you okay?
- Sorry. I know it's hard.

Um, the second one actually.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

So that's what's going on.

- Are you in pain?
- I am.

- I feel terrible that you're...
You're in this state and you're here.

- I would love
to have you at the house and stuff.

It's just, like, the girls will be there

and stuff, you know?
- That's fine.

Yeah, whatever your level
of comfort is is fine.

- All right.
- Let's get you out.

Like, let's get you outta here.

- Let's get you a car
and get you outta here.
- Okay, sounds good.

Thank you so much for coming.
- Yeah, girl, I know.

- I missed you.
- I missed you too.

- I'm truly trying
to figure out in my heart,

like, what do I want?

I don't know what I'm running from.

I'm always on the go.

There's a lot of things
I don't talk about, I don't share.

It's kind of like I need
to figure out things for myself first

because I'm just so confused.

- So good to see you.
- My God. I love you so much.

- I love you too. Have a safe trip.

I'm really happy that
I got to spend some time with Amy

because with everything going on,

I really don't know
when I'll be able to see her again.

- I'll see you!
- Feel better, okay?

- Okay, thanks, love!
- All right.

- Good morning.
- Hi, good morning.

- Can you sign in for me, Jamila?

- Yes, I got you.

- Heading into this doctor's appointment,
I'm a little nervous.

Sid and I are visiting
with a fertility specialist today.

And we are starting, the process
of our egg-freezing journey.

I don't want Sid
to find out about my secret

at this appointment.

I'm not ready to tell her.

So I have to be very careful
what I say in front of her.

I can't believe
you're actually doing this with me.

- I know.

I'm not sure if you're doing this
just for moral support

or if you're ready to do this.
- No, I'm ready to do it.

I can't see myself doing this journey
with any other sister besides Jamila.

Her and I have
always been very close in age,

and just throughout life
and all of our experiences and tragedies.

I've thought about having children,

and it's something
that I really would love to do.

But I also think
that's just all up to chance and to God.

- I'm actually thinking now that
she's gonna be doing an ultrasound

to check our egg count,

that kind of makes me nervous.

So for me, I feel like
in the next six months,

if I don't find Mr. Right,
I may just opt to...

Six months?

My God.

- I don't wanna be in my 40s
and just having a child.

- We have quite a few years left.

- I know, but how many kids
do you wanna have?

- Honestly, depending on
how many eggs I have,

that's gonna change my timeline.

- I hope I have eggs to freeze.

You will, Inshallah, you will.

Time is running out for me.

And I feel it.

And given my background
that I've already been pregnant,

that I've gone through a miscarriage,

I am a little worried
to see how many eggs I actually have

and how fertile I am.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- My name is Dr. Alice Park.

I'll be helping you.
- Thank you.

And it looks like...

none of you have been pregnant.

Well...

Ever in life? Yeah, no.

Okay, good.

Okay, so, um,

the current study is

you need to freeze eight eggs
to get one embryo.

To go through that whole thing.

And so, ideally, I want 20 eggs.

Around age 35,

most of my patients
are able to get that 20 eggs.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Really, 35 is like the first cliff

of where quality starts to go down.

40 is the next cliff.

Okay.

Ooh, I'm before the cliff, girl!

I'm hanging on by a thread!

- I'm... I'm standing
at the edge of the cliff.

Here's the cliff,
and I'm... I'm right here.

- I'll go boop!

- So, who wants to go first?

- Yeah, I'll go first.
- I'll go first.

- So go ahead and come in here.
- Okay.

- I'm gonna need for you
to undress from waist down.

- It's a vaginal ultrasound.
- Okay.

I can hold her hand.

Actually, I'd rather do this alone.

- Really? Okay.
- Yeah.

- This is a lot more nerve-wracking
than I... anticipated.

Actually, one of the reasons
why I didn't want my sister in the room,

um...

I actually was pregnant this year.

- I see.

- And, um, unfortunately,
had a miscarriage.

- So it'd be nice to kind of see

how my uterus looks
and how my ovaries look.

Pressure, pressure.

Yeah.

It takes eight eggs
to get one good viable egg.

You know, I'm 36.

After 35,
your egg counts starts declining.

So just tell me how many eggs I have.

I see about six on your right ovary.

And then on the left side, I only see...

I see 10 total potential eggs to grow.

- So, remember, ideally we want 20.
- Twenty.

So I have half the number.

And I may have one good...

- Yeah.
- Egg out of the 10.

I'm about to get emotional.
Like, "Great," you know?

I've already gone through
enough things this year and I just...

Now I'm... I'm seeing this. Okay.

Okay.

- Very good, okay.
- All right.

- So we'll have you get dressed.
- Yeah.

- And then come on outside.
- Okay. Thank you so much.

Welcome.

I feel a little crushed by that,

because I was hoping to have 20.

I feel like all the trauma
and stress that my body has gone under

and the healing that I've had
to go through in this last year,

all culminated to this very moment.

Sid?
- Yeah.

- Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I mean... I mean, everything...
She said everything looks great.

From what she could see,

it's at least 12 or more,
but she couldn't count the left side.

What about you?

I just told you so tell me.

- No, I am gonna tell you.
Well...

below normal.

- I guess this just makes me realize

- that I need to get on this faster.
- Yeah.

- And I need to make a decision.

- Okay.
You'll be fine, babe.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

You should be positive too.

- Yeah.

At some point,
I'm gonna have to tell Sid

about the pregnancy and the miscarriage.

And I feel like she will be disappointed
that she didn't know sooner

because we do have this bond.

But, you know,

I feel like maybe I still just need
to continue healing from it.

I'm just not ready
to share that with her right now.

I just want everything to be perfect.

I need to stop stressing myself out.

- Jamila!

You're going to be fine.

Hey, babe.

I'm gonna check your temperature, okay?
- Okay.

- Are you feeling any fevers
or chills or anything?

- I'm just feeling...
My body feels very warm.

- Body feels warm?

Under your tongue, hold it.

- When it beeps twice,
that means it's done, okay.

After my first surgery,

something just seemed very off,

and I wasn't recovering
the way I was supposed to.

So Jamila takes me to the hospital

and I've learned that
I have to go in for another procedure.

- Are you taking your antibiotics?

This recovery process is hell.

It's just... It's insane actually.

It's one of the hardest... things
that I've gone through.

Like, emotionally, physically.

- What's up, babe?
- Who's here?

- Shuuuk!

I haven't seen you!

- My long-lost sister!
- Yeah, where've you been?

- She FaceTimes me every day,
multiple times a day.

I haven't seen you.

I don't really miss you actually.

Where have you been?

- How are you?
- Is that gonna make you uncomfortable?

- No, sit right here so I can look.
- You wanna look at me?

- Okay.
- Yeah, obviously.

So are you feeling scared?

Is there anything in your mind
where you think...

I just don't wanna end up back over there.

- But you... What that entails,
you having to, like, really slow down.

Your body needs that time to recover.

So you literally just need to stay put
for the next two, three weeks.

You should just be stationary.

- You don't have to go anywhere.

- You don't need to go anywhere.
- And that means no jet-setting.

Like, I really hope
you wouldn't be dumb enough

to get on a plane and go anywhere

or be out and about
gallivanting around town.

Like, that'd be so stupid.

- I know Hamida,
and there's no chill mode to her.

She's the first one to hop on a plane
to go anywhere in the world.

She needs to slow down
and take care of herself.

So when you called me
the day that you were in pain,

and I was coming back from work,

and you said,
"I think I need to go to see the surgeon.

I have an appointment at 4:00."

And I was like,
"Okay, well, are you okay to drive?"

And I realized, "Wait, she's not driving,

and wait, she's not home."

So where were you?

She can't remember.

- What is going on?
She can't remember?

Anesthesia?

Anesthesia! Propofol!

"I got amnesia, I got amnesia."

- Hamida, you know where you were!

- No, I wasn't. I had to go
take care of something real fast.

- What were you taking care of?
That's crazy!

- Honestly, it was such a quick
in-and-out thing, I was...

- What was the quick
in-and-out thing, though?

Why are you so curious?

Because she was
recovering from surgery!
So you know?

- Yes.
Clearly, you guys
are up to no good, clearly.

So okay, secret.

I was supposed to just hang out...

Like, see someone
that was in town for a little bit,

gonna, like, see one of my friends.

- A female friend or a guy friend?

The one that gave you those flowers?

Those didn't come from Sumey?

- A female friend or a guy friend?
- I was really close by the house.

- Just tell me this, were you with a guy,
or... or... or a female?

- "I was really close by the house"
is not where did you go.

One of my female friends
came into town, that's all.

- One of your homegirls?

Yeah, that's it.

This is all too much.

I have so much going on in my head.

I'm trying to heal,
and my sisters are smothering me.

I'm starting to feel overwhelmed,

and I just kind of wanna hide
and get away from everyone.

Jamila, apparently,
some was afoot.

You're up to somethin'.

- Dad!

I kinda like
the decorative pillow right there.

- Wherever you want to put em, babe.

There we go.

Mom,
I can't believe you made kichiri.

This is my favorite.

I remember when we were kids,
you used to make this for us.

- It's not very often

that we get to have Mom come over
and cook for us.

And knowing that Mom is trying
to get back to Pakistan

and visit her family,

I'm just trying to spend
as much quality time as I can with her.

I know.

Welcome.

- Kichiri is my favorite because
it reminds me just of childhood.

Mom, you put the yolk
on top of it and then the onion?

- You don't mess with Mom

when she's doing her thing.
- I'm not even gonna question.

She's so focused right now.

All my other friends
were having hamburgers,

and here I was having
this extravagant Afghan dish

and I just felt so lucky
and puts me back to the good old days.

How many there are there of us?

There's... five of us.

Noor is at work.

Hamida, I don't know where Hamida is.

Do you know where Hamida is?

- No.

She turned off her locations on me, so...

You know?

Remember when I was little,
I used to follow you everywhere?

Just me.
- I know.

- And I'd go with you guys for a weekend.

Why did you do that for me?

- I didn't.

I think this is
the perfect opportunity for Sid and I

to let Mom know
about our egg-freezing journey.

- So, Mom, it's time for me
to have my own kids.

- Some of my sisters and my mom
don't even know that I've had a pregnancy

and suffered a miscarriage.

I'm a little anxious and worried

because, technically,

this would be having a child
out of wedlock.

- So I was saying
Jamila and I want to freeze our eggs.

Because... At your...

Mom, at this age for you,
you had all these kids.

Me, I don't have.
My God, does my body work?

If you have a husband,

then you... then you obviously get
your husband's, um...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Don't explain.
- Okay, okay.

I'm definitely nervous
talking about this...

This egg-freezing fertility process
with my mother.

- You don't think she knows after 10 kids,

what... what fertilizes an egg?
- I know.

- Yeah. So then he gives that to you,

and they put it in the egg
and they put the egg back into your body.

I'm sure she's thinking,

"What sort of bullshit
have you gotten yourself into, ladies?"

- If you wait longer
and longer to have kids...

- The egg come kamzora.

- The eggs are kamzora.
Right, weak. It's exactly what it is.

So, we've reached a point
where I'm now 36,

and we're now ready to have kids.

We just don't have husbands
to have kids with.

So they call them donors, Mom.

- Donors.
- I know.

- So what do you think about this?

What do you think about the sperm donor?

- Mom was married
for, like, over 35 years.

Right, Mom?

- Hi!
- Looky here.

Look what the cat dragged in.

Hi, beautiful.

Hi, Rabya.

Girl, you're not walking
into this house with shoes on, girl.

- I'm gonna take them off!
- Like, why walk in with them?

- I wanna say salaam.

- Goodness!

- I am starved.
I don't know about you guys.

- Sorry it took so long.

Didn't miss anything, did we?

- So Sid and I actually went
to go see a fertility doctor.

- Really? You too, Sid?

- Yeah, we got our eggs checked.

- You did?
- Yeah.

So, how many eggs do you have?

I have a good amount.

I feel like everybody's
a fertile myrtle in this house.

Do you feel more confident
now that you went and got yours checked?

- I mean, I'm glad I got to see

that I'm running out of time.

I really didn't think
about my biological clock ticking.

And then when the miscarriage happened,
it really hit me one day.

There's so many outside factors
that, as you get older, you can't control.

And so, this to me
is an important journey to take.

And I feel like I'm more pressured
and I'm...

I have less time than Siddiqa.

I wanna start having a family
and I really wanna be like...

I want that insurance to...

Just in case
it doesn't happen in my timing.

'Cause if I don't find a husband

in the next... year or two,

I'm gonna go in...
I'm gonna go to a bank.

A donor?

If I don't find a husband
in the next year or two,

I'm gonna go in...
I'm gonna go to a bank.

A donor?

Shut the front door!
Jamila, are you joking?

You're busier than anybody, Jamila.

When do you have time for anything?

I know but, Khadija,
I... I feel like I'm running out of time.

I'm at a point in my life
where I want it, you know?

Take the next step.
But is that gonna be
your priority?

- She's expecting the Wolf Pack
to be the father.

Bad idea.

- Woo-woo!

- It'd be like her and I
are husband and wife.

We'd both have two kids.
We... We'd have to live together.

You guys are, like,
really gotta have to think this through.

- This sounds a little crazy to me.
- This... This plan is kind of, wonky.

- Khadija, you're basically saying that
"Jamila, you're always busy,

you're always working."

- But that's... Because
of the conversations we're having, love.

- I know, but it's like...
- I feel like you're one way one day

and then, I don't know,
maybe you see a Huggies commercial

and you're a different way
a different day.

- But I really do feel like
we can do both.

The kind of lives that you guys live,

all that changes.

Like, there's no jumping on a plane.

- I don't know how
you guys make it sound like

it's the most difficult task in the world

when Mom literally raised
10 daughters by herself.

How are you feeling about that, Mom?

You're okay with that?

- No.

A child is a gift.

And if God doesn't will it for you,
you're not gonna get it.

What my mom, Khadija,
and Siddiqa don't know

is that Jamila
just suffered a miscarriage.

I think this is what
is really pushing Jamila

to wanna have a child.

But she needs to just have some patience,

and know that
God knows what's best for her.

- It's a lot of hard work.

- I have nine sisters
that are all gonna come together.

And Mom.

- The challenges
of being a mom are... enormous.

I honestly don't think

that Jamila really grasps
what it means to be a single parent.

We watched our own mother struggle,

and how hard it was on her

physically, mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually.

Don't fool yourself.

I think she's going
to have a rude awakening.

- But, Mom, Inshallah,
yes, I wanna find a good husband.

But in today's world, Mom,

it's very different than
when you married Gulagha, you know?

I've always wanted
my mom's approval and blessing.

You know, she's the reason
why I'm doing the fundraiser.

If I don't get Mom's approval
for this fertility journey,

I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Next time on Secrets & Sisterhood...

We've all gone through a lot.

So I think that
we should all take a trip together.

- Sonoma, here we come!

- I think... I think
I should get the biggest room. I am...

Get the outta here.

Never! No!

- Everybody, turn your back to Shakur!

Get the outta here!

- Like she needs... She needs to be ex...

Excommunicado!

- Cheers, ladies!
- Cheers, cheers.

- I think Amy would love this 'cause...

she loves... doing stuff like this.

My God.

Did I just bring up Amy
in front of all my sisters?

Is it like you like her,

enjoy her company
like how I do with a cousin,

or do you like her more than that?

Muzzie.

I'm gonna separate our stuff.
I'm probably gonna leave right now.

I've got nothing more to say.

- Shakur, my love,
could you please have a seat, babe?

I'ma head out.