01x04 - Oscuridad

[bunniefuu]

Yes! Take out the beast.

Come on!

That's it.

Eat that banana right now.

Chew it all up.

No! Eat it whole.

Swallow it whole. Right now.

No!

MANCHILD

I was such a fool.

Why didn't I listen to you
from the beginning?

Nobody has f*cked me like that before.
You're a tiger. My tiger!

I'm not your tiger, baby.

I'm your lion.

-What's wrong?
-No.

-What's wrong?
-What?

Are you okay?

No, I'm not. I had a horrible nightmare.

-Was a k*ller chasing you?
-No.

-The SAT?
-Worse.

I was being chased by a manchild.

-A manchild?
-Yes.

-What do you mean?
-Shut up now.

-Do you love it?
-Yes, hold on.

Careful, here I come.

Don't worry, miss.

I'm used to his indiscretions.

Here's the Víctor Special.

Víctor Special.

All right, let's see.

Eggs with ketchup.

It's been my breakfast every day
since I was a kid.

Okay.

-Víctor Special?
-Víctor Special.

Would you like something more special?

I have nothing better to do.

I could make some eggs Benedict
with béchamel for the queen?

Okay. Thank you.

Don't worry. She's like a clown.

And this house is a circus.

So disrespectful.

She's on medication.
That's why she talks nonsense.

Not bad.

-Right?
-It tastes better than it looks.

Don't say that.

-I swear.
-See why I love you?

Come here. God. Bite me.

-What?
-You don't believe me, do you?

You don't believe that I love you.
I'll show you. Look.

I'm not one of those guys
who'll promise you the moon.

I'll buy it for you.

-All right. And how?
-Look.

-Okay.
-They sell Moon plots.

So I'll buy one for you.

From now on, you'll be a "Moon-tenant."

My darling, I love it.

-You like it?
-I love it.

Where do you want it? Facing Earth,

or on the Dark Side Of The Moon?

Tempting.

But no, facing Earth,
so it has a sea view.

I love the way you think.

So gorgeous. Wait. Let's pay for it now.

-How strange.
-What?

"Insufficient funds."
This has never happened before.

It doesn't matter. We'll pay later.

-Come here.
-Baby.

-I know.
-Look at that.

Giovani called me.
I'm sure he wants to get back with me.

We really connected at the party.

Yes, they were really connecting.

Connected.

Seriously, he realized I'm not an old fart

and that we're a good team.

Careful, love is treacherous.

Don't worry.
I didn't introduce him to my mom.

Get out of here.
My mom knows all my girls.

Imagine the trouble of paying for a motel.
What for?

-f*ck.
-What's the point?

I won't make it easy for him.

No free rides.

-Yes. Don't let him put you down.
-He's got to pay the price.

-What? Oh, I get it.
-Look.

Speaking of the devil,
your "Gio Gigolo" is here.

Stay strong. Finish him.

-Like that, with your hip.
-With swing.

With swing. Left, right.

That's right, man.

-Hi.
-Hi, Robert.

Listen, you know I've always
seen you as a daddy.

I am your daddy.

There's something I want you to know.

I'm getting married,
and I want you to give me away.

-He's playing hard to get.
-You're an as*h*le.

Robert, please.

You're very important to me.

You're like family to me.

That's why you have to pay
for half the wedding.

No way, Gio.

Honey, I beg you.
Should I beg on my knees?

You're an idiot. How can you tell me...

I humiliated myself by coming here.

Traditionally,
parents pay for the wedding.

I've called you "daddy" before.
Don't get offended now.

You're an as*h*le.

What do you want, a blowjob?

What will we serve at the reception?

Robert!

Unbelievable! I love him. He's the boss.

-Thank you, daddy.
-He tamed the b*tch.

You are going to Heaven.

-Excuse me, guys.
-Bye.

-Bye, b*tch.
-Cheers.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

Robert!

And that b*tch...

-"Forgive me. I love you."
-"I want you on your knees."

-"Forgive me."
-Exactly.

Shut up, b*tch!

This calls for a tequila,
even at 9:30 in the morning.

Yeah!

Like a man.

-This is on the house.
-You are the boss.

The good news is...

-Yes?
-...I'm not going to make it easy for him.

-Well said!
-There you go!

The bad news is I pay for the reception.

-What?
-He's getting married.

I mean, yes, it hurts me
that my Giovani is getting married.

But he has to go on with his life.

And since he has no family,
I have to help him.

You think you're helping him
by paying for the wedding?

Of course.

He gave me the best moments of my life.

It's my turn to return the favor.

Get out of here.

If I had a peso for every good moment,
I would live on my own by now.

I'd be Víctor's neighbor.
Actually, he'd work for me.

By the way, where is he?
He hasn't come yet.

He said he had to have a mole checked.

A mole? Where?
At our age, they can be treacherous.

Stop it, man.

Since your wife left you,
you think everything is treacherous.

Okay, let's continue.

Roberto,
you are in a codependent relationship.

First, you have to let go
of what is not good for you.

Second, you need to set boundaries.

And last, think about this.

Why do you let people
take advantage of you?

That's all for today, gentlemen.

Thank you. See you next week.

-Please.
-Let go, set boundaries.

-Bye.
-Take advantage of me.

He returns.

Tony, I thought you weren't coming back.

I was angry.

But it worked.

You know what? It moved something in me.
Like when...

We're fine.

You'll get nervous. I'll take it easy.

-Or however that goes.
-Okay?

-Are we okay?
-We're okay.

Give me a hug. Let's dance.

-Yes.
-Yes.

-Thank you.
-Thank you.

-Bye.
-Bye.

Menchildren can evolve.

They can turn their selfishness into
goodness even if they're dealt a bad hand.

-Your whisky, son.
-Thank you, Poli.

Listen, Manríquez.

Explain to me this idea
of "insufficient funds."

-I don't understand.
-Exactly that.

Not enough money.
Your accounts are empty. You're broke.

I told you not to spend so much.

I told him not to squander,
but it's like talking to a brick wall.

What do you mean I don't have anything?
Nothing?

Your assets have not generated revenue
in six months,

and you spent like a Kardashian in Dubai.

You're exaggerating, Manríquez.

Here's a list of your latest expenses.

A space trip you never took.

Man, that rocket shook like hell.

Of course, I told them to let me exit.
And they did.

I'll go on. Big investments in NFT
even though you don't know how they work.

Man!

Red mandrill butts. It's a hit.

If they didn't get it, it's their fault.

Manríquez.

How about those Chinese start-ups making
silicone dildos which caused rashes?

Manríquez, look.

Silicon Valley. Silicone.

I thought it was the same thing.

Now they're worthless.

Then we have the doggy crypto,

and those Moon plots
you got for your girlfriends.

So that they enjoy them
with their young lovers.

It's not like that.

And that's not counting all your trips,
parties, excessive luxuries.

Now we see the result. Total bankruptcy.

Please. Don't be so negative.
Sell the apartment in Paris.

Or the penthouse in New York.
The house with a pier in Miami.

They belong to the bank now.
Even the loft you live in isn't yours now.

You gave it to Poli
after she cured you of a hangover.

Blessed be Aunt Chona's remedy.

Well, that's how things stand.

I suggest you are kind to Poli.
See you tomorrow.

Poli,

what are we going to do?

"We" is too many.

You better ask yourself
how you will pay rent.

Poli, please,
you heard Manríquez. I'm broke.

Son, there's always an option.

No, don't scare me.

-And that's...
-No.

-...working.
-I told you not to say it.

It's done, girls.

I finally set boundaries.

I told Giovani
I won't pay for the wedding.

I'm glad.
I knew you couldn't be so stupid.

Just the reception.

-What?
-What the f*ck?

I can't stand it when they serve chicken.

Only the food?

Doesn't he want you
to pay for the venue too?

-Well, that too.
-No, get out of here.

But not a peso more.

Not a peso more.

I'm no fool.

But the venue is the most expensive thing.

-No way.
-Yes.

I'm not worried about that. I know people.

But wear something nice,
because you're coming with me.

Of course we're going.
It's obvious you can't be left alone.

Not even for a minute.

Okay.

Help, I need a place to crash.

I'd be honored to host you,
but I'm going to Thailand.

My parents are home,
otherwise I'd do it gladly.

I can't, baby.
My boyfriend is very jealous.

Good vibes.
Remember we're one with the universe.

Good vibes, good outcomes.

You dare write me
after giving me HPV?

If you were my friend,
you'd know I'm in jail.

Kiss Maga for me. Bye.

-So?
-All the fashionable venues are taken.

The recommended ones are too costly.

-No.
-What's the problem, man?

Look. We close down my street,
get lights and sound,

and I tell Onychomycosis
to spin some records.

Onicomico-who?

You're just like kids.

But not how you want.

-I mean your IQ.
-Excuse me?

You lack creativity, Andrés.

This lioness here
will go hunting for a venue

and a delicious feast

that fits your budget.

Then we're going to polish your manners,
because you need it. Bye.

sh*t, man, from rags to riches,
but the other way around.

I know. I'm desperate.

What am I going to do?

Well, Rulis, my best friend,
is looking for a masseur.

Does it pay well?

Yes, but he gets cramps.

-No way.
-Come work here. I need waiters.

Yes, I was a waiter. It's good money.

It's better than cramps.

I'll teach you. It's easy. Right, Tony?

Okay.

First thing tomorrow, in black.

-All of me?
-I mean your clothes.

Yes.

No, Víctor.

-Inside the glass. Not so much!
-Yes.

-Sorry. I'll do it again.
-You can't.

Don't be afraid.

-Wax in, wax out.
-Wax in, wax out.

Wax in...

They're spotless, sir.

That's it.

Twelve seconds, yes!

I name you Waiter
of the Order of La Cueva.

Hi, I'm Ivette. You must be Commander.

Policia. Hey, wait. How can I help you?

My pleasure. I'm Víctor's friend.

Wedding planner, insurances, cosmetics
and houseware saleswoman and manager.

And interior designer,
in case you need one.

I need to talk to you.

I have a business proposal for you. May I?

Yes, but wait. Put these on.

What's that?

Socks so you don't scratch the floor.

-Who else has worn them?
-Nobody. They're new.

Robert has a good heart.

And he agreed to pay
for the venue and the food.

You don't need a PhD in stupidity, right?

What does it have to do with me?

You seem nice,

so maybe you could lend us the loft
to have the wedding here.

Do you think I'm a fool?

No. I have nothing to do with the boy.

I can pay you.

How much are we talking about?

I can get you 10,000 at most.

You can't even get a kids' party venue
for that much.

I can throw in some cosmetics
and Colombian girdles.

Okay, all that and the bag.

This one?

No, ma'am. No way.

This is brand-name,
and I bought it with my savings.

Throw in the bag or there's no loft.

Okay.

-Table six, in the corner. By the window.
-Yes.

-Where's my order?
-It's coming. Allow me.

Give me a second.

-About time, man.
-Sorry.

I am already sober.

You're right.

-Hello?
-I'll be right with you.

-Where are our drinks? Hurry.
-Just a second.

You asked for it, you got it.

Enjoy. Yes.

Table nine. And their snack.

Hey! Hello!

-How do I get your attention?
-Sorry, it's my first night.

I don't give a sh*t.

I need a drink and you need a tip.
So hurry up.

Yes, what can I get you?

A hanky panky, 'cause I feel frisky.

Good one. What's a hanky panky?

You work at a bar
and don't know what a hanky panky is?

Sorry, it's my first night.

Rum and coke. Do you know what that is?
Or should I draw it for you?

-No.
-Are you sure?

f*cking Argentine.

Rum and coke.

-One and 13.
-One and 13?

One and 13. Go separately.

-One is in the back.
-Yes.

The first one.
The four mezcals are for table two...

I'll be right with you.

Take the snacks for table nine.

Yes, coming.

-Waiter, can it be today, please?
-Yes, of course. I'm coming.

-Nine, ready.
-Just a second.

-Wait a second.
-What?

-There it is.
-Good.

Here we go.

Table nine wants snacks.

Coming.

Víctor.

You hit everybody but me.

-It's not that hard.
-No, I know.

-The menu, please.
-Yes, of course.

What are you doing? A striptease?

No, what striptease? I quit.

I'm done. I can't bear the pressure.

Hey, waiter, where's my order?

Suck Andrés d*ck.

-What's up? Everything all right?
-Yes. I just don't feel okay.

I need to talk.

Right now? Look at the time.

We can see each other only at the session.

I know. But I need an additional session.

-Please.
-Right now?

Right now, yes.

-Please.
-Yes, all right. Come in.

-Come in.
-Thank you.

I'm broke. I don't have any skills.

I can't even keep a job.

I'm useless.

Look, we can all contribute
to the world in some way.

Other than money,
what are your interests, your passions?

What is your biggest talent?

I'm good in bed.

Very good. Yes.

Nobody knows women like I do.

What makes you think that?

Well, the thing is,

I enjoy treating them like queens.

I'm passionate.

I take my time to give them pleasure.

I love seeing them enjoy themselves.

I love it.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Then let's focus on that.

You could focus on that.

And, I don't know, use that, do something.

You could...

Right, that's it.

You're good, Regina.

You just gave me an excellent idea.

-No, but wait.
-No, I'll forget.

Great idea. Thank you, Regina.

You're the best.

Menchildren are impulsive, irrational

and, like the kids they are,

they get bored without toys.

Whether it be money,

cars or a woman.

Son of b*tch!

If that's the rabbit,
what's the carrot like?

Off. Take everything off.

Take out the sausage
so that we start cooking.

Look at that stick.

It's not always wrinkled like this.

The Internet makes it smaller
by 10 centimeters.

Besides, it's stage fright.

#microvictor
#littlepenis

f*ck!

How embarrassing, man.

Teach me dancing,

-I'll teach you how to check a prostate.
-No.

It's what I know. Please.

-Even you have sex appeal here.
-Me?

Okay, I'm going to dance, but I hope
when they see me, they don't faint.

Get ready.

-Really?
-Yes, I swear.

Nice to meet you.

I love Electrocute Me, Love. I'm your fan.

Bless you.

-I know all your choreographies.
-Really?

Yes.

I love you. You were always my favorite.
Can we take a selfie?

Of course. Go on. My people!

Víctor.

Didn't you quit?

Yes, but I tried something else
and it failed. The size was too small.

Ivette asked me to be a waiter
and here I am, happy.

Damn, I'm so depressed.

Size doesn't matter.

You can always be passive, handsome.

See you around.

-Víctor!
-sh*t.

I didn't hire you to chat.

A lot of guests don't have drinks.
Get to work.

Finding qualified staff
is getting harder every day.

I don't understand.

Put ice in them.

Seriously.

Ro, I need more money.
The reception cost more than we thought.

Why?

No idea. Inflation?

The caterer won't serve the food
unless we pay.

Something wrong?

No, it's nothing.

Great. Then please have the waiters
serve the food. The guests are starving.

And cheer up.
It's a wedding, not a funeral.

Exactly.

-Another one?
-Exactly.

I heard.

I don't know when I wasted all my money,

and now I can't help my friend.

How about I tell Poli
to make some chilaquiles?

They are delicious.

Poli?

Son, why don't you give Robert
one of your paintings?

Or one of your watches?

I'm sure they're worth more than the food.
Right?

Ro, tell the caterer to go all out.

Why not?

The food is coming.

WELCOME TO OUR WEDDING

Welcome. We're here to celebrate
the union of Josué and Giovani.

Don't cry, Ro.

You're a great man.
You'll find a boyfriend soon.

-Poli.
-So elegant.

I was born this way.

Poli.

Thank you for making me do
the right thing.

It was because you
were becoming insufferable.

I hope you learned your lesson.

Not everything is about money.

But money is important.
I'm glad I got mine back.

Manríquez told me it was just a mistake.

Who will put up with you now?

No, Poli.

I get it now.
Family is the most important thing.

That means you

and all of them.

I don't know what to call them,
but they're my best friends.

-And they're my family.
-Very good.

Now that you have everything back,
please don't move my St. Jude.

Poli, this loft is all yours.

St. Judas can stay where he is.

But look at me.

The table covers must go.

-Why?
-Watch the ceremony.

Seriously.

What's wrong, Regi?

I can't write the book.

I can't treat the menchildren anymore.
I don't want to.

I don't want to see them.

You know why, don't you?

-No, of course not...
-You do know.

If you don't say it,
you won't be able to write.

You won't be able to even live.

Tell me why.

Because they remind me of my past.

Because I was stood up at the altar.

I was rejected.

Because these idiots,
each and every one of them,

reminds me of Gerardo.

So, are you ready to talk?

Yes.

Thank you.

Palmira gave it to me.

The tall drag queen. She says it's strong.

-The drag queen?
-No, the marijuana.

Pass it on.

There you go.

Brothers,
I'm so grateful you're my friends.

Besides, thanks to you I survived poverty.

Pass it on.

No, Víctor, you're a good friend.

Without you, I wouldn't have made it.

Thank you for coming, buddies.

That's what friends are for.

That's what we're for.

Man, I can't believe how popular I am
in the g*y community.

-b*tch.
-Everybody was talking about you.

No, man. Nobody came on to me.

I did my best moves, and nothing.

You're my friend, otherwise I would.

Baby.

Are you okay, man?

Did you see Regina's message?

Let's see.

Oh, man.

"Hi, guys.

"This is very difficult for me,
but I've been thinking

"and I don't know if I'm helping you."

"It's not you, it's me.

"So I've decided to leave you
and never see you again."

sh*t.

Emoji, sad face with a tear,

broken heart, broken heart.

-And guess what?
-What?

Another broken heart.

She abandoned us.

We're alone.

I'll turn straight.

Yeah!

Take it out!