02x01 - Trust the Process

[bunniefuu]

SurrealEstate.

Some agencies, they help their clients

sell their houses by reducing clutter.

We help them by stopping

the walls from bleeding.

I'm Luke Roman.

I have this kind of connection

to these things all of my life.

- If you like her

- Hey.

you should make a move.

Everybody, this is Susan

Ireland, our new agent.

The technical term

is telekinesis.

Tonight, for the first

time in my entire life,

I really felt like

I was in control.

Those things, they can hurt you!

They are dangerous.

Until you learn a little more about them

you might want to think

about doing things our way.

Oh, dear.

This house is clean.

b*tch.

The things I've

seen these past few months

feel like one big hallucination.

I'm going to be really busy

over the next few weeks.

Guess maybe you'll see

me if you have time.

- Here, buddy, look at me!

- Something's changed.

The voices, they're not there.

I got nothing.

Hey, I can handle things

for a little while.

I'm afraid you're going to have to.

These final negotiations

are always a little

tricky.

Of course, the seller wants something.

The buyer wants something else.

And, sometimes, there are

other parties involved

who have desires of their own.

That's when your

representation really matters.

Excuse me. I just need to take this.

- Zooey, where is he?

- I don't know.

He was in his car headed your way

when his phone cut out! Did

you check in with August?

August is a little busy right now.

Oh, dear.

Oh, sh*t!

- He's here!

- Does he have the key?

- Do you have the key?

- That thing zapped my car

and chased me the last eight blocks!

Real estate is exciting, isn't it?

Okay, if August crunched

these numbers correctly,

you have, like, seven minutes, max.

One sec. Hi.

Suppose I could trouble

you for a glass of water

and some Tylenol?

I have the key!

Technology is not cooperating.

As soon as the numbers

come up on screen,

we need to reset the clock,

wind it up and make

Augie, was that you?

I find nothing funny about

our current situation.

Nothing electrical seems to work.

Looks like we have

to do this old school.

This was so much simpler

when Luke could just

talk to these things.

Those days are gone.

Come on, come on!

Read me the numbers when you get 'em!

Uh, it looks like eight.

Four, eight.

- Four eight? That's not a time!

- Well, that's what it says!

Wait. The O in four is

directly above the H in eight.

Oh, oh! Four-oh-eight.

Oh! Duh.

See, the house was owne by two brothers.

An electrician and a plumber. But

one night the electrician

m*rder*d the plumber.

So, like Cain and Abel in the Bible.

Yeah, most of the really nasty sh*t

starts in that particular book.

Anyway, they say the

grandfather clock you have

stopped at that moment. So,

we had to track down

the exact time of death,

find a key that would work in the clock,

reset it and then get it running

so that the plumber

could move on, but

the electrician fought

us every step of the way.

So Ooh!

- Who wants to sell a house?

- Are you okay?

Oh, I'm super! I'm super!

August just has a little wet

cleanup to do in aisle five

and then we're good to go.

- So, what now?

- Well, now we sell this place!

Well, we're a little

worried 'cause our neighbors,

they showed their house

nonstop for six months

before they found a buyer.

Remember, it only takes one.

One person to step

into a house and whammo!

Feels like home.

Does it ever really

happen that way, though?

Oh, it totally does! See

I believe the right

house is like a soulmate.

You can look at a thousand other houses

but when the right one

comes along, you know.

And it's magic.

Well, let's hope for some magic.

Thanks, Susan! You're amazing!

I, uh, I don't suppose you

have any jumper cables, do you?

Hey, Susan in yet?

- Hopefully not for a while.

- I have seven urgent messages

for her and she's late

for the Cantervilles.

Yeah, well, I'm, uh, six houses behind

on PIP searches and HCP profiles.

- Have you seen August?

- In his workshop.

He slept on his couch last night.

Yeah, I keep telling myself

busy is good, but damn!

This is what our future looks like

if Luke doesn't get back, like, now.

Any word at all?

Well, then it's time to

rattle his cage a little.

It's an absolute bloodbath out there.

Your neighborhood is white-hot

and you're competing with

every house on the block.

It's a seller's market. It's like

it's like a big, angry

bear and with this kitchen,

your house is Leonardo

DiCaprio waving a stick.

Mm, but it's so much money.

Look, you knock out this

wall, put in a nice big island,

upgrade those appliances,

a backsplash here,

a wine fridge there and

you can increase your

asking price to this

But you'll only be spending

that.

Your R-O-I is going to be at least 84%!

Even more if there's a bidding w*r

and there is nothing like a farm sink

and a restaurant-quality stove

to make a buyer think

about invading Poland.

You are a rock star, Susan!

Well

These are k*lling me, August.

I am literally dying.

"The idea is to die young

as late as possible."

Ashley Montague.

I know this agency was

founded on Luke's ability

to see these things,

talk with them, reason with them,

even when they didn't feel like it.

A difficult gift to

replace with technology.

- But he can't do that anymore!

- So you're the guy!

There has to be something more

efficient here than Scrabble tiles.

And yet they came through.

Keep working it, Augie.

Hello!

Tell me how you died!

Hm.

Hm!

- Ha.

- Hm.

- What a day.

- Yeah.

How are we doing on McTeer and Bryce?

Uh, McTeer title's clean.

Bryce had a lien from a crazy roofer,

but we're getting it cleared up.

Did you finish the PIP on Sanderson?

Uh, two previous owners, no DOPs,

no Undies, no Baby Janes.

Okay. No deaths on premises,

nobody buried under the basement and

Don't tell me.

Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, 1962.

Uh, uh, nobody Blah!

Nobody being tormented

by a family member!

- That's it!

- Uh!

Um

I, uh,

I noticed you brought in

three more normies this week.

Not every house has to be a horror show.

Oh, and I'm supposed to look

at a bank repo this afternoon

that Julie Chen is interested in.

Ah.

Aren't you getting, um, a little tired?

And I'm only asking

because the rest of us

are really exhausted watching you.

I thrive on being busy. Always have.

I'm living my best life.

Next step is to take out the wall.

Try not to make too much of a mess.

You're on a crusade about the radiation.

- Yeah, they have

- gamma rays on vegetables.

What the hell is that?

I don't know.

Ah!!

They asked us to look for

the finger

so they could sew it back on.

Any luck?

Guy's probably lawyering up

as we speak and where's Susan?

It was her idea to remodel the kitchen.

Well, Susan is primarily a

sales and marketing specialist.

When sh*t gets real and

your walls start to bleed,

they generally call on

Mister Ripley and myself.

So, tell me about this voice you heard.

It was a very high one, a boy.

Uh, little one, singing his heart out.

It was beautiful.

Like that choir. The

- The Vienna Boys' Choir.

- Exactly!

Yeah, we can check, but most of them

probably have an airtight alibi.

Being in, you know

Vienna.

Where is this Luke Roman person?

His name is on the sign!

Why isn't he getting involved

with this? Where the hell is he?

Bless me, Father, for I have whiffed.

Gimme three Hail Mary's

and close your stance.

So, I'm here for my

biweekly wellness check.

Stopped going to Funland?

Eh. Stopped being fun.

Now it's just land.

Anything new on the adoption front?

They say it's only a matter of time

and finding the right situation.

It'll work out.

So, how're you keeping busy these days?

Watch a lot of TV.

You know, Jeopardy is

a lot more challenging

without the voices whispering

the answers in my ear.

I think I found your mom.

Got some hits on the name.

Kinda tracked her through a

couple of towns over the years.

Yay, internet!

Where is she?

Not far.

I want to check out some things,

you know, just to make sure.

Well, keep me posted, okay?

Everything good at the office?

Yeah. Uh

Susan's k*lling it.

Felt kinda bad about

the Travis house fallout.

She didn't even work for us then.

Did you not see her

interview on Channel Seven?

No. You know, I've been kind of

A reminder that the wonders

of modern life come with danger

And that's why the Roman Agency

is sponsoring the Home

Safe Home initiative,

subsidizing furnace inspections

to low-income housing.

Because home is the one place

where you should always feel safe.

- Wow.

- Yeah, it was a great idea.

Totally saved our bacon.

That's great.

Did you hear we sold the Donovan house?

- It's a great property.

- Once you get past the portal

- and the hellhound and

- Sister Act?

Yeah.

So, you coming back or what?

- Thinking Monday.

- My dad's birthday and I know

he'd tell me to get my

lazy butt back to work.

Besides

Runnin' outta quarters.

Hail Mary, full of grace.

Do you see the finger?

- No.

- Are you sure?

I work in real estate.

I'm perfectly aware of what

a middle finger looks like.

a little pony ♪

His name was Happy Dan ♪

But if he enters the woods at night ♪

He won't be happy again ♪

'Cause bad things live in the forest ♪

They wait for ponies at night ♪

If Happy Dan runs too slowly ♪

They'll gather around and bite ♪

They'll nip his ears off ♪

They'll eat his eyes ♪

They'll break his legs if they can ♪

Goodbye to Happy Dan ♪

- Luke! Oh!

- William!

How's our favorite repeat client?

Oh, I am well! I am wonderful.

Now, where is Sylvia?

Susan? She is really busy,

but I thought I'd drop

off this housewarming gift.

- Oh, very kind.

- I take it

- you're starting something new?

- Oh, yes.

You know how I like to

start every new novel

in a new and fresh place. I mean,

if you cannot frighten

your own willy off you

from time to time to prove to yourself

that you're still

fogging up the mirror, eh?

Well, this place'll do it.

Yes. In fact

I was just getting the spare keys

and a few tips from the former owner.

Hello, Luke.

Megan. Hi.

Well, I think perhaps, uh,

I'm just going to go indoors and, uh

get better acquainted. Yes.

Huh.

Hey.

Uh, congratulations on the sale.

- Yeah.

- And the residency.

It's really exciting.

Kinda scary.

Well, you don't scare that easy.

So, when do you leave?

Day after tomorrow.

I was gonna call you.

It's okay.

You got a lot going on.

Hm.

How are you getting

by without the, um?

I'm good.

Some days are better than others.

But I'm good.

You know, it feels really ironic.

The things you do Did.

The things you saw and talked to.

Those were the things

that I struggled with.

And, now, they're um

They're kinda gone.

And you're leaving, too.

Thank you for making

my world so much bigger.

- It's that bank repo.

- They call it the Ensom House.

I finally got up here to check it out.

Look, I'll call you back.

Whammo.

I believe the right

house is like a soulmate.

You can look at a thousand other houses,

but when the right one comes along,

you know.

And it's magic.

Wowza.

I'm sorry. I do

not understand your request.

- Oh, sure.

- There's a smart-house function.

What can I do for you?

Just looking.

Please let me know if you

have any questions, Susan.

How'd you

Did the bank add me to the database?

Yes. Please let me know

if you have any questions.

Sorry I'm late. Everything okay?

Uh, the Cantervilles are freaking out.

Okay. In moments like these

I think it's important

we follow a process.

Luke always counted

on intuition and magic

and let's all be honest:

Those days are over.

- Susan, sh.

- No, no.

I think we need to face the truth here.

Luke has lost his special sauce.

He's just a regular guy now

On a good day.

Luke!

So, it's a step-by-step

process I call ECHIDNA:

Engage, Coordinate, Handhold,

Investigate, De-terminate,

- Neutralize, Assess.

- De-terminate?

A lot of our clients don't

really understand what we do.

So, when we get fired terminated

Which we always do.

We need to be rehired. De-terminated.

But why ECHIDNA?

Echidna is an egg-laying

mammal indigenous to Australia.

- Oh, well, there you go.

- It's a mnemonic.

To help you remember the

key steps of the process.

Well, Heaven forbid

you forget your ECHIDNA.

Great. Good. Thanks so much.

Can you catch me up on what's happening

- with the Kingston place?

- Oh, boy.

The DeVores want a

contingency deal, right?

But Jack Kingston's not having it.

He says, "Buy it or

don't. I don't care."

Return to the sweet

embrace of the grave.

We've tried any number of devices to

facilitate communication

beyond the veil.

There's something about toys

that works particularly well.

Possibly their simplicity

and playful appearance

create a rapport with

those on the other side.

Luke, do you think this

your current status,

do you think it's

permanent?

You mean do you think I'm

going to remain a normal person?

Well, gee, I hope so.

Yeah? What?

Your office.

Why were you so nasty to Susan?

I wasn't nasty.

You were a condescending,

dismissive jerk.

Look, we have a lot of work to do.

Susan is great. You know

that I think she is great,

but she does tend to get

bogged down in the process.

And we just don't have the time.

Well, Susan made the time

to keep this agency running

while you were off having your

two-month case of the Mondays!

- Where is she?

- I have no idea.

Where does she go when she

feels sad, unappreciated and

justifiably pissed off?

Who's there?

Um house?

House control voice thingy?

Creepy man-projecting internet

connected simulated person unit?

Hello, Susan.

Did you just play that

music a minute ago?

Did you not like it?

I

Yes, it was fine. It just startled me.

I'm sorry.

My device at home waits

until I ask it to play music.

Yes, the older models do that.

I gotta go.

Come back soon.

I was I am really grateful

for the way you stepped up and

ran things while I was away.

I don't know if I expressed

that really well in there

and I'm really sorry if

I sounded like anything

other than really grateful. Really.

You know you say "really" a lot

during difficult conversations?

No sh*t?

- Sorry to interrupt.

- Whattaya got?

A few things dribbling in

on the Canterville house.

1938, a ten-year-old

boy named Samuel MacAdams

died of scarlet fever in the house.

Child's voice.

It all adds up.

What all adds up? It's one clue.

I'll take it from here.

- Yeah, um

- I'll let you know when the

rest of the records come in.

So, you're really just

going to do this yourself?

Screw the process.

Susan, you took what we

do and you color-coded it.

There's nothing magical

about your process.

It's my process with a cute

name but without the intuition.

Susan.

What are you going to do?

Rat me out to Zooey again?

- You go ahead.

- I'll be right up.

I'm telling you, Mom, I was k*lling it.

Clients loved me.

Competitors respected me.

Bob Livingston feared me.

Monsters are always afraid of fire.

- And I like Luke!

- Mm.

- I like the old Luke.

- The new Luke seems

Defensive. Territorial.

Just insecure.

You never really know what

people are going through.

Now, that being said,

I never believed you'd be truly happy

unless you work someplace

with your name on the door.

Am I that arrogant?

Oh, that good.

Do you remember that house we had

on the shore that one summer?

The one with the amazing ocean view?

Oh, you really loved that house.

Oh, it was bright and cheerful

and I would just lie there and daydream.

That was the one summer

daddy wasn't away at work.

Mm.

I would just lie in the sunshine

and listen to him play piano.

That was a good summer.

Anyway, I

I found a beautiful house

that brings it all back.

I didn't know you were

thinking of moving.

Neither did I.

Hm.

Heading for the Canterville place?

- So, how's this work?

- You speak slowly and clearly

and pull the string.

The words that come out are those of

whatever is there.

You are certain you're up for this?

It's a kid, August.

A kid lost in a house.

If I can't handle this,

I might as well hang it up.

Ah! Luke.

Huh.

We were beginning to

wonder if you were real.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

You going somewhere?

We can't stay here another night.

I think I have a solution.

Randall,

get in the car.

We are going to stay with my sister

and that stops being fun

really fast.

Get rid of this thing,

or pull up your sign and get out.

There was a little pony ♪

His name was Happy Dan ♪

He loved to run in the sunshine ♪

Just frolicking in the sand ♪

He'd kick his heels

up with frisky fun ♪

He'd toss his tail and his mane ♪

But if he enters the woods at night ♪

Dan won't be happy ♪

Oh, sh*t.

For bad things live in the forest ♪

They wait for ponies at night ♪

If Happy Dan runs too slowly ♪

They'll gather round and bite ♪

They'll nip his ears off ♪

Samuel?

I don't know if you can hear me,

but I'm here to help.

Goodbye to Happy Dan ♪

Goodbye to Happy Dan ♪

Let me guess.

Not Samuel.

If it's not the little boy, who is it?

His name was Edgar Cornell.

He was a serial k*ller.

He m*rder*d six people

that we know of.

He removed various body parts

and dropped them in mailboxes.

This was in, like, '78, '79.

He was convicted and ex*cuted in 1985

but in between, in the early '80s,

- he lived in this house.

- Oh, my God.

Yeah, Luke could not

have gotten this more wrong.

He has no idea what he's walking into.

But what about

the voice, the-the singing?

The thing was, he

had this freaky high voice.

He lured his victims by

impersonating a child in trouble.

Like a lot of serial K*llers,

Cornell liked trophies. A

hair ribbon here, jewelry there.

A body part that he

would cut off or bite off.

Trophies! That's gotta be it.

He came back for the trophies!

- But why now?

- He's been dead since '85!

Look, we're right outside.

How long until you guys get here?

We're, like, a minute away.

Hurry! Luke's in there

with no powers, no clue

and that thing!

I came back to get my goodies.

- Stay back!

- Luke, he's a serial k*ller.

He collected trophies from his victims.

They must have been hidden in the wall!

The kitchen remodel brought him

back from wherever to find them!

It's somewhere in the wall! Find it!

Go, quickly!

The hole needs to be bigger.

- Zooey, watch out.

- What?

- Watch out.

- Okay.

Waahh!

He was a little boy ♪

His name was Happy Dan.

Luke, look out!

- What am I looking for?

- A bag, or a box.

Jewellery; A hair ribbon.

Body parts.

Oh, my God.

Hey! Handsome!

Give me a call when your voice changes.

Susan! Here!

You guys are all so tough

until somebody torches your goodies.

Thanks, Deb.

As soon as the kitchen is

done, we hit the market.

Yeah, I spoke with the contractor. Yeah.

Yeah, I sort of lit

a fire under his a*s.

Two weeks. Great.

'Kay, bye.

The Cantervilles?

We're back on.

So we are de-terminated.

Great job on this, Susan.

- Thanks.

- No, I mean

I screwed up and you pulled it out.

You really should take some time.

Time?

You could be kicking

a*s and closing escrow

almost single-handedly.

Take a few days off! I got this covered.

Um

Yeah. Maybe. Thanks.

Hey, Bob.

Ah, yeah. Back at the

helm, steering the ship.

Listen, about this,

uh, Frederico listing,

what's his bottom line price?

Julie, it's Susan.

Hey, so I checked out that

bank repo like you asked.

Yeah.

No, it's okay. It's just, um

It's just not for you.

Yeah.

N-no, yeah, of course,

we'll keep on looking.

Okay. Goodbye.

Feels weird coming here

to feel close to you.

Lacks the atmosphere of Funland.

And the hot dogs aren't nearly as good.

Sorry I haven't been by in a while.

But I'm, uh, back at work

and, Dad, I'm just tearing it up.

Alienated Susan,

best real estate agent to ever live.

Faced down a serial k*ller

armed with nothing but a stuffed animal

and an epic misunderstanding

of the situation.

Oh, and you'll like this

Phil thinks he found mom.

Yeah.

"For reals" this time.

For as long as I can remember

I wanted to ask her

Why?

Why'd she leave?

What did we do?

What did I do?

I really wish that we could

talk about these things.

Hm.

Maybe someday.

Maybe not.

Here, Dad.

Nice catch.