01x05 - Beto, Sonia y las zapatillas mágicas

[bunniefuu]

Martinelli! Martinelli!
What do you say to the accusations?

Is it true that you kept
the footballers' sign-on fees?

Please, answer,
did you keep their fees?

Honey. We're going for two days,
will it be enough?

Twelve times two, 24.
We should buy more.

-Hey, it won't all be f*cking.
-No, no, there'll be shagging too.

-Copulating.
-Fornicating like loonies.

-Carnal coupling.
-What the f*ck is that?

-I don't know.
-Well, let's do it. We will.

-No, no, no.
-What?

-Answer it.
-No.

Yes, maybe it's important.
We have the whole weekend.

All right. Hello? I told you
not to call me until Monday.

-I can't find Pejic's trainers.
-What?

You said they were in your office,
but I can't see them.

But... f*ck.

They're here, okay? Call Nike

He doesn't want new ones.

Get them personalized
with the faces of his kids.

He wants his magic trainers

-to play on Sunday.
-Really, what a pack of idiots.

They're in my house, on the sofa
in a red bag. Anything else?

-Yes, I hate you.
-Well, tell me on Monday.

-Honey?
-Yes?

We can do it another weekend,
I have things to do, I don't want...

No, no, no. I'm dying for you to go
with me.

Howdy!

-What?
-I'm leaving your daughters.

-I'll get them on Monday.
-Hi, Dad.

No, no, hold on.

This weekend I'm with Sonia.
Nobody's f*cking it up.

I can't,
I'm getting an award in Barcelona.

-Yes, b*tch of the Year.
-Beto!

Honey, nice to meet you.
You'll get on with the eldest girl.

-If she's as nice as her mother.
-The spitting image.

No, wait, look, look...
We discussed this.

Even weekends and odd months,
you get them, and weekends with...

-g*dd*mn it.
-Oh, poo, poo. See you!

HEADLESS CHICKENS

-Who's calling you?
-Nobody.

-A boyfriend?
-I said nobody.

It's like we're going to a funeral.

We're going to a beautiful cabin,
it's an amazing spot.

You're not the only one
who got screwed.

Okay, we can go looking sour
or we can play something.

-Dad, go overboard.
-You see what I have to put up with?

-Aren't you answering it?
-It's Mario the worrier.

-He's just nervous.
-Because?

Didn't you just take a player
from "Mozzarelli"?

One, I didn't take anything
from anybody.

Pejic left because he got tricked.

Two, I have to start delegating.

And three, nobody's going to f*ck up
this romantic weekend.

And four,
I liked the "Mozarelli" thing.

-What's this?
-This, Andrea, is happiness.

-If you say so...
-It's kind of old, isn't it?

Rustic, the word is rustic.
Listen. Do you hear it?

-What?
-Exactly. The silence.

You can't hear anything.
We have all this to ourselves.

-Great. Do you like hiking, girls?
-No.

Neither do I, eh?

-It smells weird here.
-Yes, a little.

What? Is it cool or is it cool?

The lights don't work.

-Or the water.
-Hey, of course.

You have to turn on the generator,
there'll be a key here...

-Hit it now.
-Now yes.

There's only one bed.

What? That's fine.
See that sofa, honey?

That makes a bed.
It's called a sofa bed.

I don't believe it. No signal.
Where have you brought us?

You know what? I'm glad.
f*ck cell phones.

Enough of that bullshit,
we're too alienated.

Signal, social networks...
f*cking hell!

-What? What did you forget?
-Pejic's trainers.

-What?
-They were on the sofa at home.

-Beto, I didn't...
-No, no, no. Let me think.

-Won't it be better to go to Madrid?
-Nobody's f*cking up this weekend.

-You can use your phone and I can't?
-Exactly.

-I found the light switch.
-Where's dad now?

f*ck. f*ck.

-How come you went so far?
-Nature, it intoxicated me, you know?

-f*ck.
-Stop complaining.

I'm sorry for leaving you alone
with the girls, I mean.

Beto, they're big girls,
and they behaved just fine.

No, don't laugh.
Pati helped me with the pasta

and Andrea set the table
without me asking.

How did you do that?
How did you do it?

Very easy. I paid them.

-You know what? I think...
-Wait, wait. What?

I think I should marry you.
So you don't get away from me.

Oh, what a downer.

What about marrying a footballer?

Ex-footballer.
And, no, you're not making it better.

Ex-footballer. Now...

-Beto, your daughters...
-My daughters...

You sure recovered fast.

-Does it hurt?
-I like it.

-And condoms?
-Condoms?

-Andrea, what are you doing?
-What's wrong?

-Pati, what's wrong?
-I don't know.

Andrea, what's wrong?

-Let me.
-Is someone there?

-There's no one.
-I swear I saw something.

What, Andrea? What's wrong now?

I don't know. It was big
and hairy. It looked like a bear.

A bear on the plateau?
Come on, please, Andrea.

-I saw one!
-You saw what? Please...

-Beto, she's scared.
-No, sh*t.

She'll have seen a wild boar,
a fat cat.

How to be a pain in the a*s,
that's what you know. Come on! Jeez!

-Are you all right?
-No, a bear almost ate me.

-Well, it didn't! There you go, look.
-Shut it tight, turn it again.

Yes, 15 times! There you go.
To hell with the bear.

Go on, off to bed.
It's over. It's over.

-I'm not sleeping there.
-Andreita, don't sh*t me.

Neither am I.

-Honey?
-No, he's not here.

-Why not?
-He just isn't.

-Who took my phone?
-I haven't seen mine either.

f*ck. Or mine.

-Beto!
-Maybe the bear ate him.

-Andrea, please.
-Honey, there are no bears.

-Dad!
-There are.

-Dad?
-And where's my phone?

-He didn't leave without us?
-The car is here.

Look, girls, relax, okay?
He'll have gone running.

-Dad?
-Here!

-What are you doing there?
-A signal, at last.

-Is that my phone?
-Yes, the only one with two bars.

-I want to check WhatsApp.
-It's confiscated until Mario calls.

-Let me have it!
-No, sh*t! It's an emergency!

It's because we didn't let you f*ck,
huh?

-Mario! Mario!
-Beto. Yes, listen.

The trainers aren't at your house!
I'll have a heart attack!

-I've got them.
-What?

Well, I must've put them in my bag,
they're here.

-Is this a joke?
-Look, it's fine...

The game's tomorrow,
you can come here and get them.

-You want to k*ll me.
-It's no big deal, it's two hours.

-I'll send you the location, okay?
-Okay.

-Mario, did you send me a d*ck pic?
-What? Did you say "d*ck"?

Has something happened to your d*ck?
Beto...

-A what?
-A d*ck pic.

The d*ck of a photo,
I mean, the opposite.

I know what a d*ck pic is, but...
I don't know.

Is it normal?
Do you get d*ck pics lately?

No, but these days...

People send d*ck pics today
like it's saying hello, but...

-Maybe it's a meme. Have you checked?
-No, no. The thing is that this d*ck.

-I know it.
-Really?

-I've seen this d*ck before.
-What are you saying, Beto?

I swear, I've seen this d*ck,
right in front of...

You're f*cking Willy!

-Are you sick in the head?
-I told you not to take my phone.

-Don't change the subject.
-Only you can f*ck.

Don't act like a puritan.

So, I have to be happy
that an adult is f*cking my daughter!

-Dad, I'm 18 in a month.
-You're a kid and he's a f*ck!

You talk about age difference?
Especially not you, okay?

Do you believe this?
Look, you're not seeing him again.

I don't want to.
It's him, he's stuck on me.

I've shut him out tons of times,
but he's thick, he can't take a hint.

First, he leaves me,
now he harasses my daughter.

We hooked up before that.
What's the matter?

-When were you going to tell me?
-Never? It's my life, Dad.

-But he's my player!
-No. Well, not now.

But...

Andrea, open the door.
Open the f*cking door, please!

Shall we go for a walk in the woods?

No, don't worry about me.
They're like this all day.

-How do you stand it?
-Here.

-So, you were at Nardinho's farewell.
-Leave me alone.

So, you're banging Nardinho now!

Maybe I will f*ck him.
He's pretty hot, eh?

Andrea! Andrea!

In five minutes, in the car!
We're going to Madrid!

-Beto.
-What?

-Chill out. Yes, you look tense.
-Chill out?

-Tense?
-Yes.

-I'm not tense.
-Yes, you look very calm.

Why not try talking to your daughter
without shouting before we go?

Sonia, you don't have children.

-What the f*ck are you saying?
-I don't want to spend...

what's left of the weekend
with my unstable daughter. That's it.

Sometimes I forget
what an idiot you can be.

-Andrea! What what?
-What? What?

Andrea, don't make a scene, okay?
Sonia doesn't have to put up with...

-Was it a bear or not?
-Andrea, now's not the time.

We're walking towards the house
without any sudden movements.

-What's it doing?
-I don't know. I think it's pissing.

-Where is my tablet?
-In the car.

You left the trunk open?

Until Madrid,
you have no right to speak.

Well, there are board games here,
we can play a game... What?

-There's a shotgun around here.
-Yes, this guy is a hunter.

sh**t the bear and I'll set fire
to the cabin with everyone inside!

Hey, look at her!
You look like part of the family.

No one is sh**ting the bear. No one.
We'll wait until it goes away.

-The one that's eating the tire?
-No!

-We do have a spare, right?
-No, only a puncture kit.

It sure is hungry.

I'm hungry too.
Where are my vegan cookies?

-Where do you think?
-Great, I'll starve to death.

-Eat your idiot boyfriend's d*ck pic.
-He's not my boyfriend!

f*ck, Mario, where are you?

Bear. Double word. Six points.

-Right, let's see... sl*t.
-What do you think?

-That's cheating.
-Yes, because you say so.

-What's that sound?
-It's snoring.

Seems like it doesn't want to go.

What?

I say you could go up to the room,

like you're getting something.
It's an excuse. I'll be right up...

Dad, please. We're right here.

Pati, get a glass of water.

-For God's sake.
-What?

If you think you're getting anything
of yours inside me,

you're a bigger dickhead
than I thought.

f*ck!

You're gonna sh*t yourself
for the rest of your days.

Sonia.

-Sonia, Sonia. Are you awake?
-I am now.

I don't know to apologize.

Well, think again
before you wake me up at 4 a.m.

This romantic escape is an excuse.

An excuse to run away.

-Run away? From what?
-Yes. From Martinelli.

I'm scared shitless. Yes.

Since we uncovered his deal,
his former players have sued him.

He's going to court,
it'll cost him a fortune.

Fine. Fine, Beto.

-No, no. This guy's coming for me.
-Yes, yes.

Fifteen years ago, I beat him up.

The best part is
that I don't remember.

My God, son. The more
I know you, the more I love you.

-He's here.
-Don't make any noise.

Don't leave me.

What are you doing with that?
Blow the bear in the face?

-How should I know?
-Okay.

-Bears don't knock.
-Not usually.

-f*ck, what a fright!
-Willy?

-Yes.
-m*therf*cker. I'll k*ll you!

I was going to tell you, I swear!

I treated you like a son,
and this is how you repay me.

-Beto, stop!
-Stop! Put that down!

I'll stick this up your a*s
and pump until your ba*ls explode.

That's enough!

-Did you see a bear outside?
-A bear?

Yes, a bear, a bear.

You shag my daughter,
but you don't know what a bear is!

Beto! Our car is f*cked.
Can you get us out of here?

-I came by motorbike.
-f*cking useless piece of sh*t.

Well, I can make six trips. Four.

Five in the morning, adults shouting,
a bear outside. Why all this noise?

Chubby cheeks.
You won't answer my messages.

Who let this guy in?

I love you. I love her.

-He loves you.
-Do you love me?

Dolphins, fireflies,
the color green...

Yes, at first, it was childish stuff.
Curiosity, the urge...

-No, no. Willy, don't go there.
-Let him finish, even I am intrigued.

But I fell in love, Sonia. Okay?

Morning, chubby cheeks.
To me, she's...

Look, Willy. It was fun, at first,
but you're being a pain.

Do you know where your sister is?
What are you doing?

I got it for you.

So that everyone sees it
in the next game.

Dad, please, tell him to go.

Willy, this is very easy, okay?

She doesn't love you.
She doesn't love you.

I love her.

Why do I get all the dickheads?

No trace of the bear...
This is all the food I could recover.

By the way,
it ate all the upholstery.

Get the hell off me.

After all we've been through!

-Stop the drama.
-All we've been through!

She's not even into him.

She did it to f*ck me over.
Just like the vegan thing.

Beto, for God's sake.
Everything revolves around you.

I don't understand this girl.
She speaks another language.

Sure. You were never a teenager,
right?

Look at Pati.

We raised them the same.
Why can't she be like her?

-You're a bit blind, I think.
-I did everything for you!

-Andrea is just like you.
-What do you mean? Please.

Yes, you're both a pain in the a*s.

I'm going.

Where are you going?
You give me this blather?

Don't you dare! Don't you dare go!

Willy! If you go,
you'll never see me again.

Willy, please. Willy, no. Willy!

m*therf*cker. Motherf... Oh, f*ck.

What's that look about?

f*ck. Thanks.

-You've got a good eye.
-You too, choosing this cabin.

Beto? And the trainers...?

I thought I'd had a bad day.
What happened?

-Beto!
-Mario! Look out!

-What are you doing?
-In the trees!

-Bear report?
-It looks asleep, but I don't know.

You must admit it.
Signal is happiness.

How's Pejic
without his magic trainers?

Losing 3-0.

Damn! Maybe he did need them.

Maybe I'm not his agent anymore.

Something's happened.
Photos of Willy with your daughter.

f*cking Martinelli. You see, Andrea?
This affects everyone!

No, it's not Andrea.

They're photos of Willy with Pati
and they're...

No, no, no.

What? You don't love him now.

I'll k*ll you. I'll k*ll you.
I swear I'll k*ll you! You've had it!

-Stop, stop.
-Don't shout so much.

It's coming. It's awake.