01x01 - Rest Is Our Ancestors' Wildest Dream

[bunniefuu]

- Favorite girl group of all time?

- I liked 3LW.

- Aw, you know, I knew I liked you.

- They got rid of the best singer.

- Aw.

- And I was like, "I'm done with them."
You know what I'm saying?

- Destiny's Child.

- TLC, hands down.

- I knew you were gonna say that.

I'm going TLC too.

Yes!

What's your song?

- I think it was so crazy
as a-- as a girl group

to have, like, men singing No Scrubs.

- Yes, yes!

- Did you feel like
that song was speaking to you--

- I was only eight.

But I was like,
"I'ma get a car as soon as I could."

Let's raise a glass.

All right, y'all,
we gonna get into the juicy stuff.

- It is so exciting for me
to be in front of a chef

and in front of wine,

'cause these were the two things
that I picked up during the pandemic.

I thought I would become a chef,
and then I got into wine.

So this is very exciting.

- What wines did you like?

- By getting into,
I mean, I drank a bottle or two a day.

- Whoa! You really did get into wines.

- No, that would be a problem.

But I did start drinking, like, red wine.

- Well, I got a great wine for you.

I got Theopolis, and this is a wine
out of Northern California.

This is a Pinot noir.

This is a 2016,
and we'll have that for entrée.

Beautiful lady out there, Theodora Lee...
- Yeah.

- ...has put this wine together for us.

She owns it, and she's African-American.

- It's so interesting to me to hear
about Black-owned wineries or winemakers,

'cause I actually had a joke in my set

about, "They don't tell Black people
about wine."

I'm excited to see
that my people are doing it too.

Oh, absolutely.

You look incredible.

- Thank you.

I am 25 pounds heavier
than I was when I got pregnant.

Really?
- And I prefer it.

- You look good.

- I'm like--
I always joke, "Have y'all met Judy?

My new booty?"

And I'm trying to hold onto her!
- Oh! Hold onto it.

The new booty!
- Exactly.

- Well, it works for you.

- But I have mad respect that
you are in heels right now with a belly.

- I don't know why I t*rture myself,

but it's cute and it makes me feel,
like, pregnant and sexy,

and that's the new vibe.

- You came up like me.
You were a sportswriter, bro.

- I'm lucky, I came up in an era
where I had a lot of people to look up to.

And, you know, you've always been
that big brother for me.

- Do you guys have any children?

- I'm an auntie of four.

- Oh, nice, auntie.
- And I'm a professional auntie.

- I love that.
- Keep it right there.

- Yeah, you gonna keep it right there.

- Right there.
- That's great.

- I love that.
- No babies yet.

Eventually, soon.
- Eventually? Soon?

- Take your time, girl.
- Yeah, take your time.

- It's a lot of work.
- In, like, five years.

That's soon for me.

- Here we go.

- Use your LA.

- We got some juvie.

- That's not Back That.

- It's Bounce Back.
- Okay.

- You know,
so much of that New Orleans sound

is built on bounce music.

- For your book, your hip-hop book,

who'd you learn the most from?

- If you look at somebody
like Kool Moe Dee,

he was somebody who was there
almost the beginning of hip-hop.

He was there
as a transition into the golden age.

He was somebody who had just contemplated
where hip-hop stood in America culture,

where he stood in hip-hop.
- Yeah.

- It's like sometimes
you leave an interview

just feeling like you're talking to
one of the smartest people in the world,

and it's not an interview anymore, right?

You feel like you've taken knowledge
you can use for the rest of your life.

I'm gonna pour you a glass of white

to start off with.
All right, let's do it.

And the flavors in this
is gonna be very tropical.

- Yeah.

- And she also calls it "like diamonds."

It has like
appearance of diamonds inside of it.

- Yeah, I don't see it, but all right.

Cheers.
- Cheers.

- Is it true
that all of you are Caribbean?

- I am.
I am.

- I'm from Trinny, yeah.
Are you Caribbean?
- Yeah.

- All three of you are Caribbean?
- Oh, I love that!

St. Croix.
Okay.

- St. Croix, Trinny...

- Jamaican and Haitian.
I'm a little mixed.

- Yes!

- I think with East Coast rap that I love,

whether it was Tribe or De La Soul,

the jazziness of it.

Hip-hop made me fall in love with jazz.

- A lot of that stuff makes you go back
and listen to what came before it.

- Yeah.

- It's built on jazz, it's built on funk,

it's built on
so many other different genres.

- You guys are West Coast guys or--
- Yeah.

- Like, in the '90s, did you feel disdain
for the East Coast rappers?

You know what--
Yeah.

- Well, go ahead, go ahead.

- During the '90s, it got real
and real dangerous, man.

And I was one of those kids.

Tupac-- Tupac was my GOAT.
Yeah.

- I think I was 11 or 12 when he died,

and I was, you know, one of those kids
thinking that he was just alive

in Jamaica or somewhere.
Yeah.

- Pinning rhymes for so long, yeah.

- I think we have a love for both,
you know, West Coast, East Coast.

I think there's a lot--
- You-- You're from another country.

You're not in the--
We're not asking you, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Look, let me tell you something,

We clown on each other a lot...
Right.

- I always win.

- But, look,
one thing I won't clown him on--

- My food.

- It's dinnertime.

- Let's go eat.
- Let's go.

- What I've prepared for you today
is a salmon croquette,

which is on a remoulade.

A salmon croquette reminds me

of one of the first dishes
that I actually prepared

when I decided I wanted to be a chef.

I remember, to this day,
when I made that dish

and everybody in the class I was in
tasted and said how wonderful it was.

And I knew this was the profession for me
after this dish.

That's beautiful.
I hope you enjoy it.

- So dope. Thank you.

- Bon appétit! Let's enjoy.

And I promise you guys, men at the table,
we're not gonna make this all girl talk,

but just 'cause we have so much amazing,
gorgeous hair at the table,

we're giving-- We're serving bobs.

We're serving braids. We're serving locs.

We're serving Sade braids and twists, so--

But I actually heard that you used to have
a whole, full, long head of hair.

- In my college days,
I had-- I had let my hair grow out.

I didn't cut it for, like, two years.

And I never got, like, braids or anything.
I just had, like, longer--

- Was it giving Jheri curl,
or was it like--

- It was like--
It was a little Jheri curl-ish.

Yeah, I was a little greasy.
I had my spray.

- Stop!

You did not keep your spray.

I was a little greasy.

That was a different time in my life.

Wow.
I was gonna say--

- Wait, did you attract
a different kind of woman

during that era than you do now?

- A little bit.
Uh, but back then, in my college,

there was a lot of African-American
and Caribbean women,

so they just kinda were just like,
"Oh, let me grease your scalp,"

and I was like, "All right."
- Oh, that's love right there.

The way to his heart.
Yes.

Right. I loved it.

Greasing the scalp.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Like, that-- that's love.

- I didn't know
you had to do these things.

- When I first moved to LA--
I'll just tell the story.

I think I had just probably got my hair
freshly, you know, braided like--

I get braids every summer.

And the whole touching the hair thing--

It was a white woman coming out this stall

and was like, "Oh, my gosh!"
- You don't need to go there.

- It's a thing.

"Oh, my gosh!
How do they get that in there?"

- No.

- And then it was like--
The just automatic touching of the hair.

And I loved when
Solange came out with her album about--

- Don't Touch My Hair.

- I was in there, like--
'Cause I change my hair all the time.

And as Black women,
it's so-- It's actually really fun.

And I think we have
the most free spirits about our hair.

I could do a twist-out
with my natural hair.

I could braid it down, throw in a wig.

Versatile.
- Lace front it up,

braid it down, take it off.

Come on.

- Give me a-- a doobie.

You remember the doobie?
- Somebody drop a beat.

- You know, give me a doobie with pins.

I had every hairstyle. I did it all.

But then in the bathroom,
I was like this wonderful thing to just--

Like in a zoo!

- So in-- in academia,
there's a term for that.

We call it othering.
- Yeah.

- Because you're outside
of the mainstream aesthetic norm--
Got it.

- Then it becomes-- You're like a--
You're a spectacle almost.

Like, "Let me touch it."

And there was a time, not too long ago...
Interesting.

- ...in the 1900s,
where they sure had us in the zoo.

- What?

- So this othering has a real history,

and so when people do that,
it's almost like a microaggression.

- Yeah!

- 'Cause I remember
when I was growing my hair,

and I had just started stand-up comedy,

and I had, like, an agent be like,
"Well, if you grow dreads,

you can only do one type of role,
which is basically a criminal."

- That's it.

And then I grew it out for like two years.

I gave up, not because of what they said,

just because
the phase of growing it out is rough.

You know, the first few--
- Oh, yeah, that's the struggle time.

- Yeah. I gave up because of the struggle.

- I can relate to that so much.

I used to wear
my-- my own hair short naturally,

and just like, "You'd really probably
book a lot more if--

Do you know anyone
that could give you a weave?"

Wow!

That means
it's not palatable for white people.

- But the crazy thing is, I was new to LA,

and the truth is,
we do succumb to these things.

- Absolutely.

I-- I ran and got that weave,
went and took some head shots,

and I felt like,
"Well, maybe now I'll be accepted."

Yeah.
- Listen--

- The truth is
our hair is often used against us

as much as it's used to empower us.

- But don't you think sometimes
you have to do things like that

to get in?
- You do!

Exactly!

I also think, like,
hair is a form of rebellion

in a way.
- Yes.

- Braids also were a map for runaways.

It was information to get you
to where you were trying to go.

So it's interesting...
- To get free.

- ...how our freedom

and also our source of rebellion
comes from our hair.

- Have you guys
all heard about the CROWN Act?

Do you-- Do you wanna explain it?
I feel like you've done--

- Well, so it's legislation
that's being passed to make sure

that this notion of how we present
"professional hair" is not racialized

in the way that
it does discriminate against Black women.

So in the workplace and schools--
- And Black people.

- Right, and Black people.

Like, in-- in the workplace and schools,

we're taught that
we have to change our hair

in order for it to be deemed professional.

- I remember when Bo Derek came out
and did that movie, 10.

When everybody was doing
cornrows in England,

it was called The Bo Derek,

and Black folks were like, "What?"
That's crazy.

- "We've been doing this forever."
And there was a backlash about that.

- "The Bo Derek."

- When I worked at Teen Vogue,
that was a thing.

That-- It was referred to that way
in my presence, and I--

At the time, I was the beauty director,

and the only Black beauty director in...
- Wow.

...Condé Nast's history.
- Yeah.

- And it was on me to educate folks.
- Educate, yeah.

- 'Cause a lot of this
is so deeply conditioned,

it's like people don't even know

that they're saying something
that's offensive to Black people

and something that's inaccurate.

Frankly, it's just factually inaccurate.

Cornrows originated long before
there were even African Americans.

- Yes!

- Right? To call cornrows The Bo Derek--
The caucasity of that!

I know!

- I know that, you know,
you guys have beautiful hair,

but the cavatas.

What is that?
Yeah, I was like,
"Can you explain this?"

What is a cavatas?
- This is the cavatas.

The baldie?
- The balded.

No, it's a fade.
Cavatas.

- Look, look, I ain't balding.

- He like, "I got it, I choose to." Okay.

- I pay... $40 a week to get my hair done.
- For that?

- 40.

- Cheers to the-- to the cavatas.

To the cavatas.

- What I have for you next is a dish
that I actually created at my restaurant.

When everybody's gone,

I come up with new dishes
in the middle of the night.

And it's part of something that was taught
to me by my mentor, Albert Roux.

So this roasting means a lot to me.

But on top of the roasting,
we have Swiss chard.

On top of that,
I have a grilled ribeye steak,

but it's been grilled
with wild mushrooms on top,

and a little chimichurri sauce.

- You're very good at this,
and this is delicious.

Isn't it good?
- So good.

I grew up in England,

and I've been cooking
since I was 13 years old.

And I've always been in situations,
especially in my field,

where I was the only Black person
in the room.

- Yeah.

- And so I used to want assimilated.

When you are learning about something,
you wanna be one of the guys there.

- You just use the word assimilated?

Like, I have a viral Ted Talk,

and I move in between
standard American English,

Black American English,
and Caribbean Creolized English.

And I'm responding to a woman
who called me "articulate,"

and saying all of these things
make me articulate,

not the standard English.

And what has happened over time
is that as Black people,

our success has been measured
by our proximity to whiteness.

"If you perform
in proximity to whiteness a certain way,

then we will reward you..."
With acceptance.

- "...with a certain level
of social mobility."

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

I actually just wrote a piece on Medium

called the Tyranny of White Comfort.

It is our responsibility to speak boldly
where our ancestors had to whisper.

Ooh.
Right?

- I just got chills.
- Oh, yeah.

- I hate that there's this idea
with code-switching

that you have to abandon oneself.

I show up to various events,

and sometimes,
I can be the only Black woman in the room.

Um, but I have to talk to executives
or the head of networks,

and-- and I do know what that means

so I'm not gonna deny
that there's a consciousness

to, like, the code-switching
that we're talking about.

But, lately,
I think, we've all, as a people,

started to have these conversations
to say, "You know what?

I can show up and not abandon self,
but still be commercial."

I think there's nothing wrong
with balance,

and you can, not code-switch,

but you know how to work a room
in whatever room it is.

- Integration
doesn't have to mean assimilation.

It means that you make room
for the fullness of who I am.

Yeah, absolutely.

- That's where I want us to be.

I know we're not there yet.

But that's where I want us to be.
- We're working our way.

- Being a British man,

I was thinking, like,
how does this even affect you?

Because I would think
that your British accent,

it's disarming to white people.
Yeah.

Oh, it very much is.
It is.

- I remember when
I got pulled over by the police,

and my experiences are very different.

- It probably went very well for you.

- Very, very well.

- sh**t, if I could, I would put on
a little English accent, you know?

- I did a complete ill*gal turn
on the red light.

I do this U-turn, and from nowhere,
this cop pulls me over,

and he says, "Do you know
what you-- you actually did?"

And I said, "Where I come from,
we-- we normally do this."

- You're privileged.

- And he is like, "Wh-- Where you from?"
I said, "I'm from England."

And he said, "Don't do it again."
And he let me go.

- That speaks to the relationship
between language and identity.

Language is saturated with identity,
with memory, with history, with politics.

When people think of a English accent,
they think of whiteness.

- And I see it over here because I have--
I have to open my mouth,

and once I do,

the conversations that I get into
with Caucasian people in this country

are not conversations they're gonna have
with the average person of color.

- Right.

- They're talking to me truthfully
about what they feel and how they think.

And they're not looking at me
as I'm Black.

- Right.

- Growing up in a Caribbean household
in Brooklyn, New York,

me starting a business

that is technically dedicated
to Black wellness,

that was something that was frowned upon.

Where, like, my parents are kind of like,
"No, it should include everyone."

So when I think about, like, my upbringing

and Modernblkgirl, the company I started,

it's code-switching 101.

I'm gonna talk about finance and money

in a way where I feel like
everyone can understand it.

And as you build more wealth,
there's no color.

There's certain rooms--
It's do you have the coin or do you not?

It doesn't matter--
- Slightly disagree with that.

What did Jay-Z say
about OJ Simpson and the--

You know, "You still a n*gga in a coop."

And at the end of the day,
I'm out here golfing with them.

I'm out here getting commercials,
and I'm OJ.

But at the same time, what did he say?
He was like, "I'm not Black, I'm OJ."

- I don't think OJ defined himself
as a Black man.

I think that's the problem.
It just became, "I'm OJ."

- Right. You don't wanna lose identity
and gain wealth,

because then
that's what happened with OJ, right?
True.

I was on the radio,

and this-- this Black dude met me,
and he goes, "You're Marc Spears?"

I'm like, "Yeah."
He goes, "I thought you were white."

- Mm.

And I'm like, "What do you mean?"

He's like, "I listen to you
on the radio all the time."

I'm like, "Really?"

Like, what do you--
what do you expect me to speak like?

So that actually, like, hurt me.

- I bet you, it was--
in his mind, it was a compliment.

So there is a blaccent,

there are words, there are ways
that we engage with language.

But we also sometimes run the risk
of Fl*ttening what Blackness looks like

and deciding that
all Black people have to sound like,

"Yo, yo, yo, what's good?"

And you don't.

So while I'm here for like, "Yo, yo, yo,
what's good?" is legitimate...

Yeah.
- Yeah.

- ...I'm also like,
"Yo, the-- the range of the ways

"that we engage in the English language,

they're all legitimate."

They all make you "articulate,"
which is what I talk about all the time.

- I mean, what you're saying
is "talking Black," first of all,

could be a point of pride,
should be a point of pride.

I think we've been conditioned
to take it as an insult,

and be like,
"What does it mean to talk Black?

"What do you mean I'm talking Black?

So to overcompensate,
I'm going to speak the King's English..."

- Oh, yes.

"...to gain your trust..."
- Right.

- "...to have
a sense of authority at this table,

to feel a sense of belonging."

- What you're saying about language,
I think it's separating a group of people,

and this sense of separating us
by race, by color, by language,

by the way you speak, says to those--

- By status.
- Yes, by status or money. The coin.

Even the coin
has made certain people lose,

like you said, identity.
- Sense of identity, absolutely.

- They start forgetting, like, "Wait,

"so you're in this room,
how did you get here?

"What's your stock looking like?

Um, what's your color looking like?"
- We be the ones.

- What happens
when we stop being preoccupied

with our proximity to whiteness?

- Exactly. We are preoccupied.
Right? And just exist, right?

And just exist fully, right?
Amen.

- It's so funny this came up,
'cause it sounds like I made this up,

but, like, literally this Saturday
I was on the road, I was doing comedy.

So I'm having coffee, and I'm having
a conversation with a-- with a friend.

She's a-- a white person.

And I'm explaining to her, I'm like,
"White people keep asking,

'Why do Black comedians
have to talk about race all the time?'"

I was thinking about code-switching

where I was like, "Maybe I should try
to not write about race."

But I'm like, "But it happens.
This is a joke that I'm gonna write."
You know?

And it's like, "We don't pick race.
It's just what we experience."

About 30 seconds after we finish
having this conversation,

a pickup truck pulls up to the light,
there's some two white boys in it.

The light turns green.

One of 'em turns over,
and he's like, "You n*gg*r."

And then I look at her, and I'm like--

- That's why.

- For the rest of it, she was like,
"Oh, my God, how do you feel?"

And I'm like, "I'm fine."

"That's how I feel.
I'm fine. This is just my life."

- This is your life.

- But the fact that that trauma
is so normalized for you,

that I think it was, like,
almost divine intervention--

- So I'm like,
"This is like a poorly written movie."

Just when I'm talking about this,
some guy calls me the *-word.

- When I first started,

there was a white reporter
that said, "You're a player's guy."

And at first, I was offended,
and then I was--

- That's coded language right there.
- I was like, "Wait, what?"

- He was mad one of my strengths was
I could talk to the CEO...

- Absolutely.

- ...but I could also talk
to the person sweeping,

and that's something
that they couldn't do.

- Yes, "Come on, assets."

- That's what I'm talking about.
That's who you want on your team.

- From the superstar
on the basketball court

to somebody working security,
Marc has you covered.

He knows everybody.
- He knows everybody.

You know what? That's actually--

- Toast to Marc real fast.
- Toast to that.

- Wait, wait, hold on.

Marc, you got
a little something in your eye.

- What did you call it?
- A little man juice.

- Man juice.

- For dessert, I have a little Meyer lemon
and champagne sorbet.

- Ooh.
Ooh.

- Bit of a palate cleanser.

- I am in love with sorbet.

It's like a refreshing drink.
Refresher.

It's a refresher.
Yeah.

- Come on, foodie.
- Yes. This is delicious.

- So I'm enjoying this.

- Okay, Jonathan,
tell us where you're from.

- Yeah, so we moved around a lot
when I was little, right?

We would go from apartments to hotels,

to a house, to cars, to friends' houses.

I just want my children
to have a stable childhood.

And... I still feel like
I see, like, some of the anxiety,

and I wonder
how much of that is just genetics.

- I had a very similar upbringing
to Jonathan there

where my mum and dad separated
and I-- I went to live with my dad.

And my dad was a bit of a rolling stone
and had many girlfriends.

So I was going
to different homes, different houses.

I went to, like,
six different primary schools.

Then when I went to high school,

we were gonna move again,

and I put my foot down and said,
"I am not moving from this school."

And that gave me the foundation
to develop friendships

that I have to this day.
Beautiful.

You know where I see this the most?

How we handle money.

Ooh.
- Speak on that.

- You know, our environment has taught us
that we can't trust one another.

We can't listen to one another.

We can't give our sister,
our cousin, our aunties money.

So this idea of--
- Scarcity mindset.

- Scarcity mindset is what I preach 24/7.

And that comes from the environment.

We're like, "If we just trust each other
a little bit more," right?

Where-- Where did you learn
about financial literacy from?

'Cause when I was coming up,

I got my first credit card
and I got some J's,

and boom, I was in debt
for, like, the next two years.

Let me tell you--
- Yeah. Hello!

- My mom used to clean
white people's houses.

So I was, you know,
born and raised in Brooklyn, Flatbush,

but we would always go to Madison Avenue

and clean these walk-ups
and these brownstones. Amazing--

So being like six or seven,

watching my mom
clean these amazing houses,

I always knew what was possible.

Wow.

- I went to this junior college
after being horrible in high school,

Foothill College, which they called,
"The Harvard on the hills,"

in this all-white neighborhood
called Los Altos.

I, like, wanted to hoot.

And my dad said, "You see all these houses
up in the hill, son?"

I'm like, "Yeah."

He said, "If you do well in school,
you could own one of those one day."

And now, I own something by the ocean.

I love that for you.
- I always remember my dad saying that.

- As a parent,
it is important to break the cycle,

because some people,
their parents didn't have a home,

so they don't have the tools
to even teach them.

You remember that
because your dad said you could.

If somebody tells you
that over and over again--

- That you're never gonna have it,
that you're not worthy of it.

- You will believe that,

and then
you move through your life with fear.

I think, along with scarcity
and the mentality, is the fear mentality.

We as African Americans, often, sometimes,

because money has been
so challenging for us to acquire,

that I even myself
have fallen prey to this,

even in my success--

I've done movies,
TV, and different things.

People are like, "Girl, you got it."
And I'm like, "No, I don't."

Even with fame or success,

you're like, "Well, I fear that
my next project won't do as well."

Fear is what holds us back.

- I remember I was doing a podcast
a couple of weeks ago with Andre Iguodala,

and he asked me
when did I feel like I made it?

And I was like, "I don't think I have."

Like, that's one of the things
that I think it's good

'cause, on one side,
it keeps driving me...

- Hungry, yes.
- ...compelling me, it keeps me hungry,

and I'm not gonna be satisfied.

But on the other hand,

it would be cool
to just exhale at some point

and just say, "All right, you're good."
- Absolutely.

- So one of the things that concerns me
about Black wealth

is what Cornel West calls,
"The illusion of inclusion."

Like, so if I make it economically,
then this is a signal of Black wealth.

But it's not.

Like, I think about famous people

who are like,
"Oh, we're billionaires now. We made it."

I'm like, "We didn't make it.

You made it."
- You made it.

You know what I'm saying?
We in the trenches out here!

Can you be somebody like LeBron James

and use his wealth to open up a school
and have all this other stuff,

or is that whole prism
not-- not gonna work for us?

- It's honestly not fair
on the Black wealthy.

At the end of the day--
Wait, what's not fair?

- That we have to put
all of our Black trauma

on the people that did make it.

In reality, it is our response,
at least, to pay it forward, right?

But it's gonna take
more than a Jay-Z to get it done.

When you are building wealth,
the number way to do that is investing.

- Mm.

- But the issue with Black people

is that we're putting money
in someone else's hands.

Environmental--
- That's scary for us.

- In white hands, let's be clear.

In white hands.
Okay, now.

- We all assume that a lot of white people
were just born into wealth,

when in hindsight, it's not true.

They just had the knowledge to know
that "I should invest in this company,

I should invest in this company,"

and that's gonna
build them wealth in their sleep.

Apple 10 years ago--
We've all probably had $5,000, $10,000.

Do you understand
what that money could-- would do for you?

Where in hindsight,
we wouldn't even be thinking about wealth,

'cause wealth is not always the goal
for every Black person.

But there's a different,
easier way for you to live.

- To me, I feel like
when you do get to that level of success,

wouldn't it be your responsibility
to kinda pour back into--

- I agree with that, yes.

- I think certain people recognize
that it is fair.

I got my blessing.

Now, it's fair and also my duty

to pour back into my community or teach--

I think teaching
is more important than anything.

And the most important, what you said,
is educating the young people

so then when they do come through
that journey to their version of success,

that they actually are educated
on how to get there.

- And what to do with it.

How to sustain that wealth
and pass it on to the next generation.

You guys have heard that saying,

"I am my ancestors' wildest dreams,"
right?

- Mm-hmm.

- Like, I've seen it on shirts.
I've seen it on Instagram.

And so often, it's associated
with accomplishment, achievement...

And working hard.
- ...striving, working hard.

And then,
it feeds into this grind culture...

- Right.

- ...where we feel like
if we are not hustling,

we better be scared.

Because we are not worthy of rest.
Right.

And not too long ago, I tweeted something

that said,
"One of our ancestors' wildest dreams
was probably rest."

Amen.
- Say that again.

For the people in the back.

- If we really think about the conditions
that our ancestors lived in--

- Just to be able to rest.
- They were not dreaming of grinding.

They were dreaming of rest.
Yes.

- You know, it's this idea
that we don't have time for it

because we are up against the clock.

And when you realize
that rest is a luxury.

- The ultimate privilege.

- Rest is the ultimate privilege
and the ultimate luxury

and we all, if we actually get to a place
of settling in our greatness,

we probably can stop
running for the finish line.

We can just ease our way
into just wherever we supposed to be,

wherever God's gonna take you.

- In that spirit of abundance,
you are magnetic.

- Yes!
You attract even more.

Say more about that, 'cause I feel like
that's part of your practice too.

You know, my favorite saying
that I say to the girls--

"Hard work means nothing
without strategy."

How do you get the strategy?

It comes from rest.

People that have rest,
they use it against poor people

for us to do the work for them.

Some of the poorest people
making minimum wage

are the hardest-working people.
- Absolutely.

- But because they don't have
the time to rest,

they don't have the time to strategize,

they can't get
to that next level for them.

It's because you're going,
going, going, going, going.

There's a principle
called sharpen the saw.

Like, there was somebody trying
to chop down this tree with a dull saw,

and somebody stopped and said,
like, "That's taking you a while.

You should sharpen the saw."

And the person said, "I don't got time."

- Wow.

- That's a principle
that you really have to think about.

- But also how you make your money.

If you are making money physically
eight hours a day,

you're never gonna be rich.

You've gotta be making money
while you're asleep.

- Hard work means nothing
without strategy.

- Exactly, you have to invest your money.

- Here's the thing,
when it comes to success,

money's not always the number one.

Money makes it easier for a lot of people,
but a lot of times it's fulfillment.

A lot of us are working and doing things
that does not fulfill us.

Like, there's things in our heart
that we wanna do,

that we think about every day, every week,

but we think,
"Oh, it's not gonna make us money,

or we don't have time
or a way to strategize."

But in hindsight,
if you stop for a minute,

rest for a minute--

That's so powerful.

- Rest helps you think,
it makes you internalize,

and it helps you get the map
so you're just not working for no reason.

- What if one day,
I just want to take a nap?

It's not the mama mentality, but okay.

- What-- What is the saying that you said?

- Rest is our ancestors' wildest dreams.

- I'll toast to that.
- Toast to that.

They're so proud of us, y'all.

We gonna all take a nap.
Clink, clink.

After all this wine, let's go take a nap!

Hey, rest, people!
Ready for the nap.

Thank you. This is great.
Thanks, everybody.

- Who's next?

- She won the book, she-- she up.

- Yep. Yep. Yep.

- I'm-- I'm happy for y'all.

- Oh, hush.

- Come high or go home.

- Like, the youngest people of the table
who don't know how to play Spades,

we got kicked over to the kids' corner.
I know.

- We're just like,
"We don't know how to play Spades,

but we love social media!"
- We love--

"And we love fashion."
- The truth.

- Okay, you really are--

You're like a therapist
disguised as a financial guru.

- I don't even know how it happened.

- Y'all got a joker?

Yo, listen--
- You got a joker. I can tell.

I need you and your partner--

- Stop talking over the board.

That's another thing
in the culture of Spades.

You don't talk over the board
and start saying things--

You way too c*ck.

I can tell you have a joker in there.
- It's actually considered cheating.

- What are we, as Black women,

what would you say
is, like, the number one thing

that we're overspending on.

- "Self-care."

- Really?

- 'Cause it's not self-care.
- But it's an investment.

- No, it's not.
Because it's not real "self-care."

- Okay, well, that part.

- Like, going on six vacations in a year
is not technically self-care

if there's nothing to show for it.

- This is a very competitive game too.

- Apparently so.

Oh-ooh.
- Uh-oh.

Bam.

- Ooh.
Ooh.

- Bring 'em out. Bring 'em out.

- You carrying your whole team.
Run 'em.

- People have routines where,
"Okay, I go to get massages every month,"

or "I go to this place, and I go--"

But you are not getting
to the root of your problem.

Right? Your problem
isn't self-care and all these things.

Your problem is maybe you need
to have a conversation with your mom,

like a real conversation with your mom.

Or, like, that ex-boyfriend that hurt you,
let's have a real conversation.

- They're gonna have to retire her jersey
after this game.

- It is what it is.

- So you're not--
- She's the leading scorer for this.

- I just learned y'alls rules--
- That's what you was counting?

- You sat on it?

- We just made our five books.

Why you sat on that?

You are-- You are so reckless.

What do you mean, "Sat on that?"
I had no opportunity to play that.

Exactly.

Next time, can you make this oxtail?
Take 'em to Trend City.

I want you to go back to the oxtail.

You gotta come back.