01x07 - The Dakini

[bunniefuu]

Hey, it's Gina. Leave a message.

Hey, it's Gina. Hey, it's Gina.
Leave a message.

Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Have weed?

How old are you?

How old do you think I am?

Oh, like 50.

Bro, you never
ask a lady her age.

Lady.

I was trying
to make some conversation.

He was putting
his foot in his mouth though.

Oh, okay. Um, like 40?

This guy, oh, my goodness.

You so stupid, bro.
She's like...

she's, like, 30.

I'm 37.

Deadass, I was about
to guess late 20s.

Yeah, that wasn't
that far off, huh.

The second time.

How old are you guys?

How old do we look?

Never guess a lady's age.

Oh, she-she got you, bro.

We're 18.

- What's that, seniors?
- Yeah.

Well, one of us
is a super senior.

Wow, you're funny.
Yeah, okay. I'm 20.

But, you know,
algebra sucks, so...

Yeah, he's all, "Algebra sucks."

But we all
can't be DeShawn,

getting into Harvard and sh*t.

Hey, let's go.

Well, congratulations.

Okay, so you're 37,
you carry drugs in your purse,

and you're
at DeShawn's mom's house

at 2:00 in the afternoon,

chilling with
a bunch of teenagers.

Yeah.

- Why?
- Um...

Yeah, you don't have
to answer that.

I've been lost.

Trying to find my way back to...

my old self, but...

now I'm not sure
if she's even someone I wanna...

be anymore.

Can we order snacks now?

Yo, she was
in the middle of talking.

We can eat
while you talk, right?

Yeah, well,
I ain't got no snacks.

I know you got
some Toaster Strudel.

Oh, Toaster Strudel!

Toaster Strudel!

Toaster Strudel.

Trudie Styler.

Yo, what are you
talking about, bro?

You know
what they're talking about?

Tru-Trudie Styler.
Yeah, that's Sting's wife.

Ooh, that dude is sexy, yo.

That's that f*ck music.

Yeah, you got that one song,
you know, uh...

I know you know it.

Yeah. The-the...

Yeah, that's the one.

Right.

Okay, keep going, yo.

Uh...

It stinks like weed in here.

I gotta go,
I'm too high.

Yeah, me too.

Trudy!

Hey, I do have snacks.

You want a... iced tea?

Oh, yeah, sure.

- Here you are.
- Thanks.

Uh, sorry, by the way,

about my friends
cutting you off earlier.

Oh, no, no. No, I'm...

I'm usually
more grounded than...

I-I was rambling.

No, you weren't.
No, you were making sense.

It's hard to know
what the self is.

You know, like I have
so many different selves.

I feel like
I'm constantly performing,

depending on who I'm with.

Which one are you now?

Uh, the real one.

The one I can just be.

Do you want to f*ck?

What?

Do you want to f*ck?

Uh...

I'm a... I'm a virgin.

And I... I just, you know,
I want to wait

for, you know,
someone that I... that I love.

Excuse me.

Can I have, uh, more?

More?

Food.

Uh, something specifically or...

Um...

this, I don't know.
More of this.

Burger and fries?

- Yeah, and, uh, eggs.
- Uh-huh.

Extra meat, sausage or whatever,
toast, butter, jelly.

- Okay.
- Uh, a soda.

Two... different ones.

You good?

Take some tea for the road.

On me.

Where'd you go?

Okay... let's do this.

There's, uh...

there's a lot
I need to say to you...

that I've needed to say
for a while now.

It's just,
time is funny that way.

Like there's never enough time

even when there's all the time
in the world.

But we make choices about
how we spend our time and, uh...

I spend so much of my time
thinking that I'm in danger...

because I...

because you were, for so long.

I feel like I never told you...

we're okay now.

I feel like I've never told you
a lot of things.

I want to say I'm sorry...

that I left you here... alone...

when all this time,

you've been screaming,
"I need you."

I need you.

I need you!

I need you!

And instead,
I took those needs and I just...

I waited for someone else
to come and take care of them.

What can I say?

What can I say to tell you
that you are... loved...

that you are worthy of love...

that I love you.

Mae... I love you,

and I'm sorry.

And forgive me, and thank you.

Mae?

- Gina.
- Oh, my God!

No, I... I know what this, uh,
looks like but...

I'm okay.

I'm-I'm good, actually.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

It's really not okay.

- I took and I took.
- No.

I don't know why you stuck
around for so long, man.

But I'm here... now.

I'm here now, okay.

Thank you.

For what?

For loving me

when I couldn't love myself.

What kind of psychopath
loves themselves?

Come on.

Wow, that was...
thank you.

Look...

whatever it is
that you're going through...

- No, you don't have to.
- I get it.

You do?

I heard you tonight,
yelling at yourself.

And it made me realize
that I also lost me there

because in all my...
my chasing, I...

I've never been the one
that I've been looking for.

So...

you want to start now?

- Let's start tomorrow.

Yeah, that's my bad.
Yeah, that was a bad call.

Let's do what you said.

Oh, is that
what it means?

Is that the definition of space?

Yes,
and it's bloody okay.

Well, let me
tell you something.

We're not doing anything.

Honestly, I am done.

Space. You keep telling me
you needed space.

I'm done.

Then I hear that
you're ar-around the whole city

with some g*dd*mn girl.

Space? That's bullshit.

Traipsing around with some wh*re
like you're in love.

P.S., that's not space, okay?

You are garbage,
pure trash garbage.

I'm done.

You're stand...
Watch where you're standing,

this is an active
f*cking stairway.

Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Uh, I was just out
for a night walk and, uh...

Huh.

...seem to keep landing here,

no matter how hard
I try to avoid it.

Yeah, same.

Phew!

Was that your... girlfriend?

Ex, yeah.

I guess neither of us
have been completely truthful.

Yeah, I guess not.

Does she own this place?

This bar? No. No way.
She's an alcoholic.

She owned this place,
she'd be in trouble.

Oh.

You in your pajamas?

- Yeah.
- You cold?

Yeah.

Would you want to go
into this bar that we both hate?

Yeah.

I have been thinking
about you a lot.

I owed you more than that.

You asked me to listen so that
you could explain yourself,

and I just...
you know, I...

I'm ready now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

It's gonna sound insane.

More insane than
what you just saw?

Yeah.

Try me.

Okay. Y-you know how, like,
some theorists would argue

that there are infinite worlds?

Mm-hmm.

Well, uh...

Oh, my God.

Well, recently,
I've been able to...

transcend them.

Okay, you're still with me?

It gets crazier.

Um, yeah, it-it... it happens

when I have sex.

Which, I don't know
if there's something about

the intimacy or longing or...

or maybe I'm being punished
for finally pursuing pleasure.

But, um, in the life I left,

uh, the one that I grew up in,
the one that I, you know,

I identified as my own, um...

in that life...

I was married to you...

and we weren't perfect.

But, uh... we were a team...

for a long time.

And there was-there was
just a lot of, um... love...

and, you know, support.

And I've been trying
so hard to get back to you...

to that life.

Because I think it took me
losing it...

to realize that...

that it was there that I was...

that I was found.

I believe you.

- You do?
- Yeah.

- You're not just saying that?
- No, no.

And I-I don't think
you're being punished

for pursuing pleasure.

That'd be really un-Buddhist.

Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks.

Have you ever heard of,
uh, the... the Dakini?

No.

She's this tantric deity,

she's, um, wild, she's...
her hair's wild and she...

she, like, dances
in flames and...

it's interesting
'cause in that tradition,

it's believed that

the happiness
that comes from lovemaking

allows a couple to, like,

slip through a portal.

Want some eggs?