01x04 - The Imposter

[bunniefuu]

I know it's a bit of a mess.

Come. Come, come, come.

Do you want some tea?

Sorry, I... I know
this is probably overkill.

I was just putting out
some food.

Just snacks, you know,

in case you were
feeling peckish.

You don't have any
dietary restrictions, do you?

No.

Great. I don't either.

Well, I... I don't do dairy,
gluten, or soy,

but they're not allergies.

You know, at restaurants,

when they ask you
if it's an allergy,

and it can feel so shaming
because you have to be like,

"No, it's a food sensitivity,"
which is, of course, lady code

for "I'm worried
about being bloated."

Not that I am...

I have a very healthy
self-image.

It's... it's really more about
like inflammation earnestly.

Right.

Okay. So, uh, tea.

I made a matcha.

We brought it back from Japan.

We went there for
our honeymoon... have a seat...

two years ago now, which I mean,

it seems like
literally yesterday

that we met our... our friends.

And, well...
well, we were set up.

So, you know how that goes.

I-I... I've actually never--

Carrots. Ugh. I'm sorry.

You know, we were, um,

we were expecting you
a little later.

So anyway, I wasn't so sure
at first, you know.

I just got out of
a pretty serious relationship,

so I was a little g*n-shy.

Elijah, on the other hand,

and you know
how it is with guys.

I have just always
been drawn to the ones

who kind of made me
work for their affection,

which is, you know,
as my therapist says,

an attempt to repair

the "trauma bonds
of my childhood..." Little T.

Not that I had
a traumatic childhood.

It-it was really
totally standard.

Uh, I mean, my parents
separated when I was 12

and continued
living together until I was 17.

But ultimately,
it was a very loving household.

Um, brie?

- Uh, no, thank you.
- But, you know, Elijah,

he was persistent
and so romantic.

I... I fell pretty hard once
I let myself.

He's just... he's so wonderful,
you know, like, truly.

I mean, you know the kind of guy

who, like, stands up
at a restaurant

when you go to the bathroom?
Like, I had never...

That level of whatever it is,
like, like manners, I guess.

But more than that,
like mindfulness, really.

Hm. Will you eat hummus?

I'm actually not very hungry.

Okay. Who knows. You might
change your mind later.

But I just grew to realize

that I had never
experienced that in a man.

Like, I had somehow
tricked myself into believing

that love looked like
a completely different...

Like, it was the sort of
lethal one-two punch of,

of seduction and withdrawal.

Those cycles that are...

are really at the core
of any addiction.

And I use the term loosely,
little A,

but just that push and pull

that ultimately leaves you
feeling empty,

you know,
once the high is worn off.

I have never done drugs.

Um, I smoked pot
once in college,

but it made me so paranoid
I never tried it again.

Um... Once I accidentally
tried heroin, I just snorted it.

Someone told me it was Ritalin.

I thought I was taking it
to finish a paper.

I made a bread.
It's a sourdough.

The, uh, the starter
is actually from the 1900s.

- It's pretty cool.
- Oh.

Ultimately, you know,

it just boils down
to trust, right?

Which I mean, you know,

as women, is just
this total emotional minefield.

Like my mom, she was
a real second-wave feminist

and I say that with a capital F.

Like, I could barely walk
and she was telling me

never to share my finances
with a lover

because he will leave you
for a younger woman

and rob you blind, she said,

so I just went
the opposite route.

I rebelled
by being too trusting.

So, of course, I got burned,

but it's our nature
to be trusting

and sadly, it is men's nature
to put themselves first.

And I know,
I know you might think

that is too binary
a perspective.

And it is, it is,
it is essentialist really and...

and in today's postmodernist,
you know, we should really...

But...
my analyst actually says

that this is my fatal flaw,

trying to just like sort out
the world into dualities.

I stopped seeing her,
by the way. No hard feelings.

I just, I didn't love
her office.

But with Elijah,
it was like this very healing

course correct,
if that makes any sense.

I'm sorry. I'm talking so much.

I just, uh,
I feel like these are things

you're gonna want
to know, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Why don't I show you the house?

So, this is the living room.

This, uh... this was my idea.

I hired someone on Task Rabbit.

This couple showed up,
perfectly nice, presentable.

They were here
for like eight hours,

and... oh, my God, I have
to check on the frittata.

Anyway,
about a month later,

I come down here to grab
one of Elijah's books of poetry,

and... they'd inscribed
every single one.

Jesus.

That's right, literally.
Jesus in every one.

I mean, they did it in pencil,
so technically, I...

I could have erased them all,
but there's just something

so wild about the whole thing,

I figured, "Eh."
Good party story anyway.

Okay. Uh, let's...
let's go upstairs.

Elijah despises the pillows,

but I just find them so regal,
you know?

And I get it,
taking them off every night,

putting them back on
in the morning

feels sort of futile,

but everything in life is
when you think about it,

so why not have
a f*cking throw pillow or two?

So, this is currently
Elijah's office,

but obviously, we're really
excited to rethink it.

I'm sorry. Um...

look, I know I sound insane,

talking a mile a minute.
This isn't...

I'm usually much more grounded. Whatever.

It's just...

I have been so nervous
in the weeks leading up to this.

And Elijah, he...
he gets it, he does,

but I just wanted everything
to be so perfect

so that you could see.

And now you're...
you're finally here.

And, um...

This is just a big deal for us.
It has been so painful,

as I'm sure you can imagine,

to just, to try and try.

We really want this baby.

We deserve this baby.

And I promise you
we will be the most loving,

devoted, selfless parents
that her mom could wish for.

Uh...

Elijah must have
forgotten his key.

Will you excuse me?

Hello, can I help you?

I'm Regina Moss
from the adoption agency.

We're scheduled
for a house visit today.

Um, there must be
some mix-up.

Um, I'm sorry,
this is very confusing.

Did I get the time wrong?

Who the hell are you?

I am calling the police!

sh*t!

Hello.
This woman came into my house

pretending to be a social worker
from an adoption agency.

Get back here!

I... I don't know
what she's sussing it out for,

maybe a robbery.

Hey! Hey!

Listen, lady!

Get off me!

Hi! Oh, my God!

I didn't see you there, sir.

And I am locked out
of my brownstone.

I was wondering if maybe
I could go through yours

just to meet the locksmith
on the street.

Sure.

Hey, thank you so much.

You're most welcome.

You... you, uh,
take care of yourself, okay?

That's her!

- Hey!
- Sorry!

Hey, stop!

- Ooh.

Sorry.

- They after you?
- Yeah, yeah.

Gotcha.

Let's get you out of here.

This is so nice of you.

I... I don't mean
to put you out.

I just need to stay off
the street for a little while.

Oh, I got you. f*ck the police.

I'm Eddie, by the way.

Mae.

- Ma, we got company.

Hi. You want food?
I made this lunch.

Hey.

- Sorry.
- Are you out of your mind?

We say grace in this house.

- Yes, Mom.
- It's 'cause she's got a date.

- Shut up.
- Hey. Jasmine! Dougie!

She wouldn't be mad
if it wasn't true.

I'll say grace.
I pray to the Lord our God,

the great L. Ron Hubbard.

Uh, she's doing
a Scientology one again.

That was
your last family, Alia.

We don't do that sh*t
in this house.

Can we eat, please?

Mae, you wanna do the honors?

Oh, um...

Who is Mae?

She's... an outlaw.

Does your family say grace, Mae?

Oh, I actually, um,

I... I grew up with
a lot of different families.

- No way.
- She's one of us.

Can somebody please say grace?

Mae?

Uh... No, I...

I'll say it. I'm here.
I'm q*eer. I have no fear.

Thank you, Yolanda,
for all the food,

and thank you for being so nice.

Amen.

You forgot Jesus,
but that'll work.

Please tell me
who this boy is, Jasmine.

Yolanda, please.

Her house, her rules.

Ooh, she rolled her eyes at you.

You should go
to Sea Org for that.

His name's Tommy.
He's two grades above me.

Older man.

We're just getting ice cream.
It's nothing.

Well, I'm sorry,
but you're too young

to be going
on a date by yourself.

- Yolanda!
- Only with a guardian.

- No!
- Eddie.

No, that's so embarrassing.

You can take Mae.
It'll be like a double date.

- Ma, that...
- What?

That's... that's up to Mae.

- Okay. Well, Mae?

Um... Yeah, sure.

So, uh, is this your first date?

Like, in my life?

I guess, technically.

My first date was a disaster.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I was, um,
living with this family.

They were alcoholics.

They only fostered
to make money.

So, they're about to
be out on their asses.

Been there.

And, uh, they could give a sh*t
about, you know,

me or my whereabouts,

which at the time
I thought was cool

because my family before
that was super strict.

Too strict...
like, a*usive strict.

I've been there, too.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

So, uh, what happened?

Uh, I liked this boy at school
and he asked me out.

I got all dressed up.

I, like, stole lipstick
from a drugstore.

- Oh, you bad.

What'd he do? He stood you up?

No, he was there.

From a distance,
I saw he had set up

this whole, like,
romantic picnic.

He got all my favorite snacks
and there was a flower.

And?

And I turned around.

What the hell
is the moral of that story?

- I don't know, I guess it--
- Jasmine.

Bye.

I can't believe you left him
in the dust.

- Ice cold.

Well, I mean,
he did lie and tell everyone

that we had sex after that

and then I was forever
known as a sl*t

even though I was clearly
terrified of intimacy, so...

- Oh, sh*t. f*ck that kid.
- Yeah.

Are you f*cking kidding me?
I texted you like six times.

- I was having lunch.
- With her?

I mean, yes, but like with...
with my family.

You brought her
to meet your family?

- Oh, no--
- You're a dog, Eddie.

And you know how I know?

'Cause I looked
in your m*therf*cking DMs.

- What?
- Who's Claudia?

She's a breaker, dude.

Oh, I hate
when you call me dude.

Why? That word is not like
gendered anymore.

I'm not your dude.
I'm your girl.

Or maybe I'm not your girl

since you haven't taken me
to meet your family.

That... that actually was--

Seriously, if you don't
shut the f*ck up!

Yo, why do you bring drama
wherever you go, though?

- I bring drama?
- Oh, my...

You tell me you love me
and then you ghost me.

Oh, my God.
You move too much.

That's f*cking drama,
f*cking m*rder you.

You told me
that I was your person...

- sh*t.
- ...that you found your person.

Yo, can we hang sometime?

Are you kidding me?
I f*cking knew it!

You won't get away with this!

Police, help! Help!

Oh, my God.

Jesus.

Hey, watch where
you're going, lady.

This is a park, dude.
I can walk wherever I want.

Not in the middle
of the road, you can't.

This is for automobiles.

Oh, really? From the 1900s?

Drive a car
like a regular person.

Oh, now you insult
my carriage.

You're making my animals upset.

And you know why?
Because they're witnessing

the abuse
of their fellow four-legged.

Oh, I've had this horse
since I was 11 years old.

Okay. And when was that?
A hundred years ago?

Oh, you got a real mouth
on you, lady. Very unwomanly.

How's this for unwomanly?
Suck my d*ck!

Yeah.

It's okay, Rocco.
What a stinking man.

- Oh, hey, baby. How you doing?
- Gina. Gina.

I'm fine.
I'm fine. Really.

Really. Really.

Don't worry about that dude.

I know you're
very emotionally porous.

But remember what I always say.

Your toxic masculinity is not
female toxic masculinity!

Oh, hey, yeah.
Sorry again I couldn't make it

to the birthday party yesterday.

I had so many friggin' dogs
to walk.

And you know,
I just generally hate children.

Except Eva.
Pasty strong award for her.

Irritating, sure.

But that comes
with the territory.

Hey, Rocco, no, no.
Rocco, no, no.

Sit. Sit.

Rocco's in heat.
Join the club, Rocco.

Sorry. My bad. What's up?

I don't know exactly
how to tell you this.

It's cancer?

What?

It doesn't have to be
a death sentence.

And you know what, if it is?
Mazel tov! Life sucks.

N-no. No, it's not.
Um, Gina. I'm--

Pregnant?
Oh, God, I'm not somebody

that can pretend
to be excited for you.

Sorry. I ju... You remember
the last time you told me?

I fell asleep mere moments
after hearing the news.

No, no, I'm not pregnant.
I... I never was pregnant.

This is what
I'm trying to tell you.

Hold up.
You pulled some Beyoncé sh*t?

Fake belly flower crowns
for Insta photos?

Mae, that's hard.
I actually love this for you.

Touch me. Ah, ah.

Okay. Gina, can...
can we actually sit down?

Yeah, sure.

- Uh, excuse me.
- Okay.

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Gina, what do you do
for a living?

Well, I walk dogs...

really for pleasure
more than pesos.

Mostly I consider myself
an animal psychic.

What?

I speak to animals
through telepathic orbits,

kind of like
a couples' therapist

for pets and their owners.

It's energetically draining
but highly rewarding work.

Okay. See, but this is what
I'm trying to tell you.

You are not a pet psychic.

That... that's not even
a real job.

Uh, the animal kingdom at large
would beg to differ,

but you're bipedalist, so.

Gina, you are
an associate curator

at the Radner Museum of Art.
I am also an associate curator.

I am married to a man
named Elijah.

But in this world,
Elijah is married to this,

like, hypermanic narcissist.

I mean, no shade, you know,
women supporting women,

but, like, they gutted our house

and are adopting
a fricking baby.

Oh.

Okay, I met Sandy
two nights ago.

I woke up the next morning,
and I had a kid with her.

The night before that,
I slept with this super-hot man.

I mean, just really,
really very hot.

Had just met him, woke up
the next day married to him.

I was invited to the Met Ball

and Anna Wintour
followed me on Instagram.

Listen, I think...

I think my p*ssy is a wormhole.

I mean, that's kind of crass,
but, yeah, you can call it that.

No, no, no.

Like, I'm being transported
to other dimensions

every time I orgasm.

Damn. That's goals.

Gina, please. I'm being serious.

You're the only constant
in every world.

I mean, your life
is altered slightly

but you're always my friend.

And that...
that has to mean something.

Please. I need your help.

Mae, I think we just need
to get you to your doctor.

Postpartum really messed you up

so maybe this is like
post-postpartum?

No! Give me your phone.

Okay, what, what, what?
What are you doing?

That's my phone. Mae?

I can prove it to you.

Prove what?

Girl, you're gonna mess
with my algorithm.

That I am not meant to be here.

That I'm trying
to get back to my old life.

Here. The Dakini.

Tomorrow,
you'll see that... that,

or... I don't know
if you will...

I guess... she'll be our test.

Mae, okay. I...
I really want to help you.

I really do.

But I think we need to get you
to, like, a professional.

You know, I just don't know
that much about schizophrenia

or multiple personality disorder
or whatever.

You know, like, outside of
what I learned from that TV show

with Toni Collette
back in the day.

I can show you.

Hey.

Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will wake up

in a new dimension
and I will call you.

Honestly, dude, do you hear?

And things will be
slightly different,

but you will still be
my best friend.

And as my best friend,

I just need you
to keep showing up.

And I will try...

I will try to show you
as best I can.

- Okay.
- Mae?

Mae? Mae? Mae?

I don't care what it was trading
at yesterday. Sell!

f*cking sell!

Hey there.

Hi.

I was just handling
some business.

Right.

- I play with money for a living.
- Ha-ha.

So that's me.

You look different
than your photo.

Uh, yeah.
I got surgery on my face.

Love surgery. Jump in.

You like steak?
I'm a stock trader.

Mostly oil, genetically modified
food manufacturers.

Hey, can you pull over?

You're not one of those
environmentalists, are you?

No. God, no.
I hate the environment.

I just want to f*ck.

Oh, no.
How about no... no kissing?

Oh, that's dirty.
I like it. I like it.

So, uh, you know,
I like a little foreplay but--

Yeah. I have an idea.

What if you just
slap a condom on your d*ck,

and we can...
giddyup.

Just, I never use these things.

Just such a...
you know, it keeps coming off...

So where are you from?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Oh, yeah. Do you like that?

- No.
- Oh, yeah. You wanna go.

I know what I like.

What do you like?
Tell me what you like.

- I like quiet.
- You like quiet?

Quiet, man.

I'll be so quiet.

- Like a mime...
- Like a what?

Like a mime.
I could be your mime.

Yeah, you be my mime.

Chalamet. Chalamet.

Chalamet. Chalamet.

- What are you sayin'?
- What? No. Shut...

Chalamet. Chalamet.

Chalamet. Chalamet. Chalamet.

Well, I don't care
what they say, Rowen.

f*cking sell!

Stupid b*tch. I'm going to work.

I'll be late.

sh*t.