01x03 - The Mother

[bunniefuu]

Uh!

Thank God.

What the f*ck!

Yeah, sh*t can get
pretty crazy here.

I hoped at a l*sbian bar

I wouldn't have to deal
with fights,

but you'd be surprised
how many brawls

- I've had to break up.
- Huh!

I'm Sandy.

Mae.

Okay, let's get you up.

- Oh, careful.
- No, I can do it.

- It's okay. I got you.
- Oh, no. I got it.

Please, I'm good.
I'm... I'm really okay.

Yeah, I'm just gonna,

I'm just gonna go back
to my, uh...

I don't have any of my...

You should probably
put some ice on that.

It's sort of a tragic tale.

They met here.
Love at first sight, all that.

f*cked in the bathroom.

Wow.

Moved in together a week later.

- That's fast.
- Everything was pretty cherry.

They had this, like,
epic psychosexual connection.

Neither was a top or bottom,

just this fervent mutuality

based on respect and admiration.

But...

in the end,
it just proved to be too much.

What did?

Having the same name.

Plus, Lisa M. was a narcoleptic.

Must have been thirsty.

So, why I haven't seen you
around here before?

Uh...
I wish I could answer that.

You're not from here?

You could say that.

Where are you from?

Uh, another dimension.

Same.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Think my whole life
I've felt like that.

No matter where I was,
I never really belonged.

Right.

And my dad was a pastor,
so me coming out

didn't go over super well.

You okay?

Oh.

Yeah, I, um,
took a pill of drugs.

What kind of pill of drugs?

Um, MDMA.

Okay. Well, sh*t.

Yeah. I would offer you some,
but I don't have...

- No, no.
- ...any .

I'm good. I'm seven years sober.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, that's good.

I don't usually, um,
do... do like...

- Right.
- Or I guess,

actually in this world, I do.

Wow, that sounded insane.

Um, what I'm trying
to say is, um...

that I get it.

Like, I get wanting to be
like actually present...

because I... I've never felt
that I could be.

Like, I've always just felt
like, um, you know,

like an outsider looking in.

But now...

it's like I'm in like those,
um, weird shoes

they make you wear
in spin class.

You know, like,
I'm like, clicked in.

And it all just
suddenly doesn't feel

quite so overwhelming
or, like...

defeating, you know. I guess.

Just sort of dissipates

and you can get out
of your own way

or, like, step behind the thing
that's been chasing you

and just let it run.

Just the relief

that it's not yours anymore
to carry.

Sorry.

Ooh, sorry.

Here I am making a case
for drugs.

Hey, no... no judgment here.

So you are sober
and you own a bar.

Yep. Define masochist.

Right now?

You just did.

Oh. I get it.

So, what was your life like
in the other dimension?

Oh, um...

I was, um, married to a man.

- Twist.

Yeah. We met in college.

He was, uh,

kind of all I ever knew.

I mean, certainly the only
real family I ever had.

I think eventually
I became so, um...

like borderless.

I took for granted
how maybe, um...

sacred it actually was.

It's an interesting word, sacred.

My dad used it a lot, especially
when he talked about love.

I don't know.
I think sex is a sacred act.

Love is just this...

elusive idea...

we're all just grasping
at something

none of us know how to define.

We spend most of our lives...
worried about

what they're supposed
to look like that we...

miss living altogether.

I've never done this before.

What?

I've never done this before.

Me neither.

f*ck.

Oh!

No!

Oh.

Oh, where's my shirt?

Where's my shirt?
Where's my shirt?

Gonna be f*cked.

Oh, f*ck you.
Where's my f*cking shirt?

Oh, my God!

Oh, God.

Um...

sh*t, what was her name?

Uh...

"Sandy."

Oh.

Hey. Come on, we gotta hustle.

You grab the cake
out of the fridge.

Come on, rascal, let's go.
Let's get your shoes on.

Honestly. You're not gonna say
Happy B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y?

Happy, uh, birthday.

Thanks, Mommy.

Okay, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

Um, do we have...
Oh, here it is.

And the princes
didn't even want that princess.

- They went back to the castle.
- Mm-hmm.

Right, Mommy Mae?

Huh? Uh, yeah.

- Gina.
- Mae Day. Listen.

I'm sorry, babe, I'm not gonna
make it to this party.

- Gina, please.
- I know.

I love you. I love Sandy even.

Okay. She's just
a little young for me

to really know how cool she is.

- Gina, listen to me.
- Please don't be mad.

I got three new dogs
added to my route

and two of them
have epic diarrhea.

Also, I had
the worst date last night.

Listen to this.

So, we're in bed and suddenly
I see the dude I'm f*cking

standing in the doorway,

but I'm certain
he's also on top of me.

So, I'm like,
did I take a hallucinogen

I'm not aware of?

Because, you know,
remember that time

I drank that boba tea
and it had mushrooms in it?

So anyway,
I'm straight up tweaking.

I'm full-on freaking out, screaming,

one of my twists on the floor.

Turns out, dude has a twin.

Okay, okay, Gina.
I need you to come here.

Did you hear a word I just said?

Yes, but I need
to talk to you about something

that's more important.
Okay, so please can you,

can you please
just come here now?

Babe, babe, babe,
babe, babe, babe.

I am literally the most sorry...

...but I truly gotta run.

- These bowels are tragic.
- Gina?

Love you. Mean it.

God! Duh!

You hungry?
I can make you a plate.

I, um, I'm okay.

Hey, what's good?

Yes.

Hi, beauty.

Mae, it was so fun.

Thank you for having us.

Well, this is cute as hell.

Thanks. The theme is Frozen.

- Oh.
- Oh, not the movie.

The number of embryos
this crowd has on ice.

Always coming hot with the lols.

Hi, it's my birthday.

That's right, sweetie.

It means we have...

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, Eva,
wait till after the cake.

- This party is fire.
- It's all Mae.

I don't expect anything less.

Tell them about the cake.

She baked it herself.

- It has seven layers.
- Layers.

Each one is a different color.

And she watched a YouTube video

to know how to make
the weird designs

with the frosting.

Oh, and then
she made the candles.

So, took her like a full week.

- You're mom of the year.
- Mom of the century.

It's like you were born
to be a mom.

- How do you do it?
- You just love it?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, I do. I just, uh, love it.

What do you love most about it?

'Cause Sarah,
she's on the fence.

- No, I'm not.
- Okay, no. You know what I mean.

Um, I just, just, um...

you... stepping outside myself

and, um, putting my attention
somewhere else...

and just, uh...

loving someone
so unconditionally, I guess.

- Oh. Uh-oh!

- Yes.
- Time out.

I hate this!

I don't wanna do it.
I don't wanna do it.

I don't wanna.

He just gets upset
when we're not paying attention.

Grow up!

Oh, my God. Eva!

Seriously, Mae?
I could use some help over here.

I am so sorry.

Eva, you owe Sammy an apology.

Uh, E-Eva.

I mean, this is classic Sammy,
like he makes it about him.

It's my party.
I'm having a good time.

Mae?

Hey, why...
why don't we do the cake?

- We're gonna go.
- No. No, no.

I want cake!

Now look what you've done.

I hate you, Mom!

Cake!

Well, looks like
we don't have a choice, so...

Get the cake.

Okay.

Uh, where are the candles?

I can do it.

You're ruining the cake.

No, you're ruining the cake.

I hate my moms, too!

I hate my moms!

I hate my moms!

I hate my moms!

I hate my moms!

Happy birthday to you.

I hate my moms! I hate my moms!

Happy birthday to you.

I hate my moms!

Happy birthday, dear Eva.

I hate my moms!

- I hate my moms!

Hey. Who-who-who wants cake?

"And pop! Out of the egg

came a tiny
and very hungry caterpillar.

He started
to look for some food.

On Monday,
he ate through one apple.

- But he was still hungry."
- No.

Eva, it's bedtime.

And we're letting you sleep
in Mommy and Mommy's bed

because it's a special occasion,

and because Mommy Mae
doesn't have any boundaries

and we've created
a terrible habit

that at this point
seems inescapable.

So, let's read together, okay?

I want Mommy to read to me.

I'm your mommy, too.

Mommy Mae.

Yeah, it-it's okay.

You can let Sandy or, uh,
you know, Mo-Mommy Sandy

or whatever do it.

- No.

Okay, wh-what if, um,
what if we both read to you?

No, only you.

That's fine.

Good night.

Hey, uh...

Okay.

"On Tuesday,
he ate through two pears,

but he was still hungry.

On Wednesday,
he ate through three plums,

but he was still hungry.

On Thursday,

he ate through
four strawberries...

but he was still hungry."

What do you want to watch?

Uh, I don't care. You can pick.

You say that every time
and then anything I pick

you don't want to watch.

Uh, just, okay.
Go to romantic comedies.

Hey, um...

I'm struggling.

Struggling with what, babe?

Uh, never mind.

- Eva!
- No!

Eva, what is going on
in your head? Come on.

I don't want to go
with you!

Well, you have to.

No, no, no.
I don't want to go with you!

You have to.

But I don't want
to go with you.

Well, you have to.

- No, no, no, no!
- Yes, you have to.

- No!
- But you have to.

No!

- Okay.
- No, no!

Yes!

Tell her.

Tell her what?

That tantrums are
for little boys like Sammy,

not five-year-old women, right?

Right. Yeah, that-that...
that is true.

Okay, let's go.
Let's get out the door.

I don't want to go with you.
I want to go with Mommy Mae.

What the f*ck is this?

I tru... truly, I do not know.

It's like she just never
wants me anymore.

I'm sure it's just a phase.

Did you tell her?

Tell her...

That you C-A-R-R-I-E-D?

Honestly, the spelling thing
doesn't really work

when it's, like, a longer word.

Oh, my God, "carried."

- That you carried.
- Oh!

I--

Just because I didn't breastfeed

doesn't make me less
of a mother, you know.

- Yeah, I know that.
- You take her.

Take her wh-where?

To school.
What do you mean where?

Right. Yeah. Um, it's just
I'm not totally, uh...

- I'll do it.
- What's wrong with you?

I-I'm gonna take her to...

- School.
- S-C-H-O-O-L.

Eva, Mommy Mae
is going to take you to school.

Um, do you remember
which way we walk?

Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

Down this road
to where the unicorns live.

Oh, Jesus. Okay.

Mommy, what are you doing?

- Mommy?
- Eva, not now.

Just give me a...

Mommy? Mommy, are you okay?

No!

Sorry.

Hey, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

No f*cking way.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, is Elijah here?

No.

He'll be back
in like an hour or so.

Um, and you are?

I'm his wife.

Come in.

We've been expecting you.