01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

(Spooky music plays)

Why aren't you in school?

Got sent home.

Kevin!

I didn't do it!

Didn't do what?

(Strange disembodied laughter.)

Wait, can you hear that?

Who's that laughing?

Seriously, with everything going on

with your Dad

at the moment you get suspended?

What is that?

Who's laughing?

I don't hear anything.

(Laughing continues)

Why's everyone laughing at me?

(Music and laughing continues,

getting louder.)

(A car handbrake is pulled suddenly.

The music fades away.)

Are we there yet?

We're lost.

We're not lost.

I just had the weirdest dream.

I could care less, but not much.

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know -

a Kardashian said it

Mum, Katie's being mean to me.

How do you know?

Lucky guess?

Katie, don't be mean to your

brother. I wasn't even!

Quiet! Did we miss the turn-off?

Tom!

What that?

(She sighs) Never mind.

Hey, stop recording me - you're

infringing my human rights!

Mum, Katie's infringing my

human rights!

No, it's in the public interest;

therefore allowable.

I have a reasonable right to

privacy my own car!

Why do our kids know so much

about privacy laws?

(Opening music)

Is this ours?

Yeah!

It's nice, isn't it? Yeah.

Guys, doesn't it look nice? No!

It's going to be great, really.

Yeah, perfect, thanks Tom.

Ok! Excellent.

(She inhales deeply)

Smell that fresh country air!

How long do we have to stay here?

Look, there's a playground.

And we can all go for hikes

up the mountain.

Yeah: it's just what the doctor

ordered.

This is all your fault!

You're full of crap!

Kevin - language!

Crap isn't a bad word.

It is the way you say it!

In future

Don't say crap, say cabbage.

Cabbage!

You wanted to practice your

hurling, didn't you?

This place is perfect!

(He sighs)

Thanks for the back-up.

What did I do?

Nothing!

(Raindrops)

This whole jolly holiday thing

was your idea.

Okay, you're right.

Let's just relax and

have a good time.

(Tense music starts)

(Door squeaks open)

(Creepy music continues)

(Kevin's bag falls to the ground

with a thud.)

(The door of the cupboard

falls with a bang.)

(He sighs) It's going to be a

long week.

Oh look, there's a fold out TV.

What's the point of that?

(Music continues)

(A video falls, hitting the

dresser, then the ground.)

(The creepy music gets louder)

Hey guys! So,

new posts may be a little bit

spotty of the next few days

due to my mum's misguided desire

that we all need to holiday

in the hellish pit of despair!

also known as -

Moloney's Holiday Park

I mean (scoffs) can you believe

that I actually had to Katie!

I found your extra-small bra in my

bag!

Where do you want me to put it?!

I was recording!

I am going to k*ll you!

(She sighs)

There's supposed to be WiFi.

Tom, do you have WiFi?

(Sounding stressed) Where's the Wifi?

(Quiet music)

(Salt mill grinds)

(Dad sighs, exasperatedly)

This is cruel and

usual punishment

I said no.

I'm calling child services,

they'll take me away.

If only!

It's not fair, why does Katie

get to use her phone?

Because Katie would fall into a

catatonic stupor if she was

without her phone for 10 minutes

and she wasn't suspended from school

for hitting someone.

I didn't even do it! Oliver O'Hare is

a total liar, everyone knows that.

Why doesn't anyone believe me?

Anyway, do you really need to

stare at a screen to be happy?

When I was your age, there was no

tablets or mobile phones

I know!

and you all sat around the piano

singing songs

and knitting leg warmers

- well we're not cavemen anymore!

(Dad sniggers)

Who's up for a little board

game after dinner, hmm?

(Kevin bangs his head)

Hey.

You alright?

(Weird music plays)

Hey Dad!

Hmm?

Look what I found!

Oh yeah?

What is it?

It's a video tape.

It's how we used to watch movies

before streaming and downloads

Cool!

How's it work?

You need a video player to play it.

But I don't think they make them

anymore.

(Toothbrushing)

This place is so ancient -

maybe someone will have one?

Do you wanna go look for one?

together?

in the morning?

We'll see.

I'm wrecked.

I'm going to go to bed early.

Okay. Night Dad.

(Birdsong)

Morning.

(Kevin clatters around)

Do you have to make such a racket?

I'm trying to work.

Where's your father?

In bed.

What are you looking for?

Something to play this on?

Look, I never told work we were

going on holiday and

I've a meeting in half

an hour. You cannot be here!

You're the one who took my phone

away.

(He slams the door.)

(Mum sighs)

(An axe chops wood)

Hi Hello!

We're the Kellys, staying in

cabin 3 - do you work here?

I do, pet! I'm the caretaker.

Ye must be the Kellys in cabin 3?

Eh Yes!

Let me get a good look at you.

Now, what did I do with my glasses?

Are they not on your face?

Oh, these? No, sure there's no

glass in these!

I only wear these to look smart!

Why don't you wear your actual

glasses to look smart?

Och, these awful cheap ones?

You mustn't have an eye for fashion,

do you love?

No.

Em, anyway, sorry Em

to disturb you, but it's just

wondering if you had any old

VHS players in the holiday park?

Oh, I think there is one in the

shed we use for storage.

It's a bit of a hike up

the mountain trail, but

I can give you a key if you like.

That'd be great, thanks.

You're very welcome Mr Kelly

but first, a warning

that is not just a mountain

In the olden days,

it was known as a Fairy Fort -

home to the mischievous

fairies of yore,

who'd steal your soul as soon as

they'd look at you.

So, make sure whatever else you do,

you don't stray from

the mountain trail

for fear a fairy might take you off

and take you to the land of Faerie

where they would devour your flesh

and peel the skin off your body

to make it into a coat

Okay, that's plenty warning.

Thank you!

You're very kind bye.

Beware the carnivorous fairies,

who'll eat your eyeballs!

(She laughs)

Come on, it'll take 5 minutes max,

please Katie! Nooo-ah!

I'm recording a make-up tutorial

this afternoon,

I don't have time for babysitting!

All 15 of your followers

will be so heartbroken!

For your information,

I have almost 200 followers

I can go on my own!

No!

You can't! Where's your Dad?

He could take you.

(Quietly) Where d'ya think?

He's still in bed.

Ok fine, I'll bring him.

Thank you.

(Louder) but this is where

my babysitting ends.

I'm not a baby!

Well then, why do you smell like

one?

That's actually a compliment.

(Upbeat music, and sheep bleating)

Will you take some video of me

with the lake in the background?

Wait, hang on!

What?!!

Would it k*ll you to just

be real for once?

Is that an insult?

If you can't tell, you'll never know.

Is that an insult?

Go on, I'm recording.

(Music continues)

(She sighs exasperatedly)

Let me see!

This is it, is it?

(Music comes to an end)

(Door squeaks open)

Mmm - you're on your own -

there's probably spiders as big as

dogs in there!

(Kevin's footsteps)

(TV static; the video player beeps.)

That's not how it works!

No wonder everyone thinks

you're stupid.

I'm not stupid.

I never said you were.

Give me a shout when you're done.

(The Pooka theme music plays)

(Children cheer)

Hello Pooka!

(Children gasp)

(Children laugh)

Oh no, Pooka,

you'll spoil your appetite before

dinner.

(An audience laughs)

(An stretching upward sound effect

plays, and children cheer.)

Pooka, don't you'll

(Glass smashes. The audience gasp.)

Sally, how could you?

and right before your dinner too!

But I didn't do it.

It was the Pooka.

There's no such thing as a Pooka!

(Strange music plays,

and the audience laughs.)

(Music ends)

(From the laptop) Sorry Mary, you're

breaking up there.

Hello

Hello?

(Laptop) No I can't hear you,

can you hear me? Hi, hello?

Oh, I can hear you now. Gotcha!

Yeah, sorry WiFi’s a bit shaky

today!

So I really think we'll reach

an agreement soon,

we just need to give them

a little more time.

They just want to make sure the

changes are in scope

before they agree.

OK?

OK, thank you.

Thanks. Bye.

(She slams the laptop shut) Ugh!

I, eh, couldn't get time off

for a holiday,

so they think I'm working from home.

Don't worry, your secret's safe

with us.

It's all about the work/life

balance,

am I right?

I'm Priya, this is my husband, Rob.

I'm marketing, he's payroll.

I noticed you and your husband

arriving yesterday -

What work do you do?

I'm Mary, mediation and

my husband is

architecture -

pleasure to meet you!

I love your necklace.

This old thing?

She's being modest - she makes

them in her spare time.

Oh!

It's mostly a hobby, really.

and top 10 best seller on Etsy

last Christmas.

So you're a mediator!

Yeah, yeah. I help companies

resolve conflicts using

positive constructive words

to find win-win solutions.

I like that!

And are you on holiday here?

Yeah, just squeezing in some quality

family time

into our hectic schedules!

Mary, we're very alike.

Your life is not your work.

Your life is what's done after work.

Am I right?

So, it's just an hour of this weird

creature causing trouble

There wasn't even any story.

TV was so random in the olden days!

What would we even talk about?

You don't have to talk.

I'll do the talkin'.

It'll just be an hour or two.

Come on! When was the last time we

had a conversation with grown-ups?

Ok, I'll do it.

Really?

Has anyone seen me watch?

I thought I'd left it here earlier?

No, sorry.

So who's on for family movie

night? I bought popcorn

Sorry Mum, I have to reply to

comments and DMs tonight.

Maybe tomorrow night?

Ah, come on! Life is not work.

Life is what you do after work.

Is this part of my punishment?

(Mum sighs)

(Tense music starts)

(Sudden creaking)

Katie!

(Another creak)

(The door creaks open.)

(The creepy music continues.)

(Wind sounds from outside, Kevin's

footsteps, and random creaking.)

(The music gets louder,

and more scary.)

(Rustling)

(More weird noises,

and sudden rustling)

(The window slides closed)

(The music gets louder suddenly,

and then slowly fades out.)

What?

Did you eat all of our treats

last night?

I didn't do that.

You're such a liar!

I'm not! These were supposed to be

for all of us, and last us all week.

I know that - it wasn't me!

Why does no one in this family

ever believe me?

You don't care about anyone

but yourself do you?

And you're lying now, just like you

lied about

hitting that boy at school!

Katie!

How many times - I didn't do that!

So why'd you get suspended if you

didn't do it? Don't ask me!

You're one to talk! You lie through

your teeth every time

you record another stupid Instagram

video!

pretending to be someone cool

when you're actually just

a sad little loser!

Kevin - that's enough.

Dad

you believe me, don't you?

Ehhh

(Dad struggles, and exhales.)

I've had enough of this crap!

Kevin!

I mean cabbage!

(Door squeaks open, and slams shut.)

He's not even dressed.

He didn't mean what he said.

(Katie tuts and huffs loudly,

slamming the door.)

(Tense music plays)

(Music continues, with birdcalls)

Mr Kelly - glad to see the fairies

didn't get you!

(Dad slurps tea)

Will you go out talk to him?

He's grand!

I just think maybe he's acting up

because you don't spend much

time together these days.

Look

I'm just having a bit of a

hard time at the minute.

How would you feel if you

were fired?

I'm not having a go, but,

this started before they let you go

What're ya talkin' about?

You have to admit,

you're not yourself.

You're sleeping more you barely

spend any time with me or the kids.

Tom, it's OK if you're feeling

depressed.

Depr-- eh (laughs)

Ok. Look. If it's that important to

you,

I'll go out and I'll talk to Kevin,

OK?

Cool.

(Door slams)

He'll come around eventually.

How's it going?

I'm just practising balancing the

sliotar

I'm not very good.

Ah, you'll get it eventually.

Let me show ya I'll show you how

it's done - you watchin'?

Pay attention, alright?

(The sliotar bounces)

There ya go!

Get in there!

I didn't eat all the treats.

I want to believe you but who

else could have done it?

(The sliotar bounces again)

Are Pookas real?

What?

It's from the video I found

They made a TV show about the Pooka,

but maybe it's not just a TV show -

maybe it's real?

Okay It's hard to explain but

maybe I could show you?

Sure.

Great.

Come on! Now? OK. Are you going to

get dressed first?

going around in your pyjamas.

(Gentle, relaxed music)

(Loose rocks rattle as Dad steps

on them)

(Music continues)

The old lady said it was 20

minutes

but really, it’s more like 30,

but it's not so steep so it doesn’t

feel so long

And I know this is just a

TV show and it’s not real, but

(Katie's footsteps as she moves back

and dances)

Ughhh!

Come on Katie, get it together!

(A sudden creaking sound)

Dad?

Kevin?

(Tense music)

(Another rustling noise)

(A cupboard door squeaks open)

Think I saw this one. I used to love

anything with robots in it

Funny - I’ve kind of lost

interest in movies these days.

Hey guys, so I’m on my own

in this janky old cabin

and the cupboard door has just

opened by itself.

Honest to God, this is NOT a set-up!

I’m going to go see

what’s inside the cupboard.

(Music gets louder and

more intense)

(Katie's footsteps)

(Katie's breathing quickens)

(Katie screams)

Ok Dad, watch this.

This is the Pooka.

(Katie sighs)

(Katie laughs)

Ahh, sorry guys!

(laughing)

I could have sworn this was a rat!

I almost died!

(Rustling noise)

(The Pooka's theme tune

plays on the TV)

(Children cheering)

Hello Pooka!

(Mysterious music)

Where's he gone?

Holy cabbage!

(End credit music)