Holy Cow (2024)

[bunniefuu]

We're thirsty!

Is he still here?

I'm talking to you!

This'll be tough.

Come on!

Three beers!

Totone's gonna to do the Limousin jig!

Totone's gonna do the LI-MOU-SIN!

The Limousin said,

take off your t-shirt!

The Limousin said,

take off your T-SHIRT!

Totone's gonna do the Limousin jig!

Totone's gonna do the LI-MOU-SIN!

The Limousin said,

take off your trousers!

The Limousin said,

take off your TROU-SERS!

Totone's gonna do the Limousin jig!

Totone's gonna do the LI-MOU-SIN!

Strip!

The Limousin said take off your BOX-ERS!

Holy cow!

HOLY COW

Quiet.

Not on my mum's flowers!

- Sorry.

- Hurry up!

What's your name again?

What's your name?

Aurore.

It must be cos I'm drunk.

I can usually get it up.

It's ok, it happens to everyone.

It's not that, I'm just tired.

You can't sleep here though.

Can't I?

No.

Besides, my mum gets up in two hours.

Where do I go then?

I dunno.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Going to the dance tomorrow?

I think so.

Cool.

Put in your number?

Here.

See ya.

- Tomorrow.

- Yeah.

Gonna throw up?

No.

Alright?

- Giving dad a hand?

- No.

All he does is drink.

You can talk!

Hi there.

Fancy a coffee?

Let me start the transfer.

Not too long,

I've got cheese waiting.

PIMORIN CHEESE DAIRY

- What you doing?

- Nothing.

Go away.

Can I see the photo?

Get lost.

Take your sister to school.

I can't. I gotta go.

Where?

It's warm like piss.

Get laid last night?

Who?

Didn't you see?

Totone left with a hottie.

No idea, I was hammered.

What?

Went down on her?

I don't do gross stuff like that.

I like it.

When did you lick a p*ssy, Francis?

What about you?

Whenever I want.

True, you have great t*ts,

bigger than my mum's.

When's your race?

In a month.

Who's she?

- His cousin?

- Not at all, dickhead.

Hey, Francis!

Even if she's kin,

slip your willy in!

Where's your girl?

She won't be long now.

Hope springs eternal.

Still going guys?

You've got the look tonight!

You've got the look

No doubt, baby

Your look is driving me crazy

Totone!

Seen your dad?

Life and soul of the party!

Already sloshed!

Piss off.

Come on.

I fell over.

I just fell.

Where are your shoes?

Dunno.

I just fell over.

I got it.

Good lad.

Go home, Dad.

Another one?

Excuse me,

two beers please.

Gimme your beer!

I wanna get her a drink!

Come on.

Hey.

Alright?

Want a drink?

Hi guys, alright?

- On my sister.

- Thanks, Marie-Lise.

You're welcome.

- Budge up.

- Sit here.

Maybe later then.

Chips and a pint, lovely.

Maybe later then.

Leave it, Cyril.

He shat himself!

C'mon, as*h*le!

Francis, move it!

Who are they?

Guys from Orgelet, I think.

You're mental!

What the f*ck?

Can you go and see?

Managing with the wee one?

It's going ok.

Say if you need help.

Can you lend us money?

No family to ask?

I'm not sure I can help.

Why offer then?

There's no soap.

- Use shampoo.

- There's none either.

Need any help?

No.

I've finished.

What should I do?

Dry me off.

Taking the boiler too?

No, it's too old.

- Totone?

- Yes.

Selling the tractor?

I can.

Turn the key, throttle to the max,

then press.

Careful,

the gears will snap if you rev.

Totone!

Totone!

What time is it?

8:45 am.

- When do we have to leave?

- 8:30 am.

Coming.

- See you later.

- Yeah!

These...

Here. I'll get Andr.

I won't wear this.

Don't start, Totone.

The lad?

That's him.

- Anthony, right?

- Totone.

Serge told me about your dad.

Follow me.

As I told Serge,

we want someone

to clean the vats, tidy up, salt.

Nothing new to you.

- How much?

- 10 euros an hour. Ok?

That suits him fine.

Great. My son will show you around.

Cyril!

Coming.

Totone'll be working with us.

Show him around?

Follow me.

Go on then.

What's he doing here?

Let go of me.

I'll f*ck you up.

Go on, get him.

Stop it.

Stop. Calm down.

Get off me.

Enough now.

Here, this is for today.

And the truck keys for tomorrow.

Got an HGV licence?

No.

Can you drive a truck?

I've driven my dad's.

4:00 am start

to go and get the milk.

The list of farms is on the dashboard.

Don't overdo it, your vat's clean.

I won't be long.

They really got you good.

Wait till I see them again.

You going back?

Yeah.

No choice.

Come on!

Let's get moving.

I hear my brothers beat you up.

You'll get over it.

- Can't screw on a spigot?

- I can.

Let's see then.

Holy cow!

Hopeless, you are.

- You the new lad?

- Yes.

You're late. I need to milk.

I haven't got all day.

Quicker, son,

we're not coping here.

- Where's your brother?

- No idea.

That f*cking kid.

Where's my t-shirt?

You can keep that one.

I'm not going to school

in my pyjamas.

No one will see it's a pyjama top.

Come on!

Mind your step.

Yes.

We're very happy with this one.

It could be your 24-month matured.

Did you win silver or gold last year?

- Both.

- That's a lot of money.

What's a lot?

30,000 for gold.

20,000 for silver.

Holy cow.

Can we taste it?

Of course.

There's a floral hint.

Your cows eat hay?

This is a spring cheese.

The cows were fed on pasture flowers.

That's what you can taste.

You've got very high quality milk.

Thank you.

What do you think?

- Me?

- He's just the cleaner.

Shut up!

- Calm down.

- Let go.

- Enough!

- Let go.

Get out of here!

Maniac.

Get in!

No.

Get in, I said!

You look like sh*t.

You can drop me here.

Where's the truck?

Doesn't matter.

Come here.

I knew it.

What?

You would get fired.

How will you do for money?

Dunno.

You'll be fine.

Really?

If I wasn't here,

you'd look after the kid?

Where'd you be?

Dunno. Just asking.

Would you?

No, I think I'd abandon her.

Bloody right, she's a pain.

I'm in deep sh*t.

Say if you need help.

If you want

to talk about your dad...

Alright.

Doing a car-boot sale?

What's this Oblix stuff?

To make cheese.

I told you the Orgelet cheesemaker

won a bunch of money.

Gold-medal Comt means 30 grand!

- Help me.

- Gold-medal...

Bit old that, isn't it?

Why lift it?

- To make a fire.

- Know how?

Or to make cheese?

Come on.

Grab the handle.

You'll never win, Totone.

Why not?

I need my tractor back.

Still got my dad's tractor?

I can't hear.

- Got my dad's tractor?

- Yes, why?

I want to buy it back.

You have the money, Totone?

I'll pay you next month.

Forget it.

I said I'll pay!

For my bike.

Your 50 cc there?

It was my dad's tractor.

Sorry, Totone.

- Wait.

- Why?

Wait here.

- That yours?

- Yeah.

It's souped up to 1700.

Ready to run.

Deal.

- sh*t.

- No keys?

- I thought it'd be open.

- Idiot.

- Break the door down?

- She lives next door.

- There's other milk.

- No.

Why?

We need the 30 grand milk,

not the Laughing Cow stuff.

Exactly.

It's locked.

Wait here.

You too.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Yeah, come on.

- Your brothers here?

- No.

- Got anything else?

- No.

Why are you here?

You live alone?

For two years.

Bit ugly but it's ok.

And this is your farm?

Yes.

You've got it good.

You live alone too?

With my sister.

Your dad died, right?

Yes.

Where's the toilet?

Upstairs on the right.

What are you doing?

Don't you want to?

You f*ck fully clothed?

- What?

- Nothing.

You're dead beautiful.

Really?

You too.

Wait.

- What?

- It won't work, sorry.

It doesn't matter.

Is that it?

What?

Maybe you can't, but I can.

How so?

You can go down on me.

Blimey, I don't know how.

Try.

- What?

- You smell of cow.

sh*t, we've been here an hour.

- No way!

- What?

The f*ck got laid.

Shut up, Claire can hear.

I don't care anyway.

You champ!

Not the outlet, it'll get everywhere.

C'mon, hurry it up.

Sorry.

Move.

Temperature?

25 C. How high do we go?

30 or 35.

Holy cow...

Shouldn't she sleep?

- Are you tired?

- No.

We've been at it hours.

What should happen?

Usually, it thickens to become cheese.

It's too hot.

I'm on it.

f*cking hell!

Sorry, Totone.

Why're you here?

I can go if you want.

No, stay now you're here.

What's up?

Nothing.

Spit it out. What is it?

I f*ck everything up.

I'm no good.

You'll get nowhere thinking like that.

Easy to say

when you inherit a big farm.

Easy, yeah.

I'm up at 5 every morning.

I stop at 10 pm.

No weekends, no holidays.

I don't get plastered every weekend.

Defensive?

It's true though.

Yeah, I'm a piece of sh*t.

Give it a rest, will you?

Stop snivelling

and pull your finger out.

You're funny.

And you're weird.

What?

I think I'm getting hard.

sh*t, I've got no condoms.

Let's do like last time.

- Marie-Lise!

- Who's that?

sh*t!

I forgot, it's my brothers.

Move! Don't stay there.

Our milk's reaching

the right temperature.

The sun has helped a lot today.

What's that stuff?

This stuff is called rennet.

It causes the milk to curdle,

and so thicken to become cheese.

We'd have waited ages.

Shut up.

It's from calves' stomachs.

Each cheesemaker has a blend

that makes their cheese unique.

There, we've curdled it,

cut it and heated it.

Look, what we have now is almost cheese.

I'll just show you.

You see?

It's ready.

The lady...

This young girl...

There.

This is when it can all backfire.

Our milk is at 52 degrees.

I have five seconds

to remove the curd in one go

with the cloth.

There we go!

Thank you.

This is it.

What's he doing?

- And now?

- Now...

he's going to carry on

preparing the cheese curds.

He'll place the boiler

over the fire again

to heat it to 40 C.

He'll keep on stirring it...

Holy cow!

Keep still.

Can't we go to your room?

I'm not leaving her.

You don't have to stay.

No, I'll stay.

Wanna sleep a bit?

I can watch her.

It's ok, I'm used to it.

Whatever.

But you look exhausted.

Come on, big girl.

Don't take all night.

20 minutes then.

Yeah, go and sleep.

If her breathing quickens

or she moves, wake me.

Don't worry.

Thanks.

Wake up.

Totone.

- What took so f*cking long?

- Gotta go back.

- Seriously?

- I'll get busted.

- Start without me.

- f*ck you!

Sorry.

Marie-Lise...

You should've woken me sooner!

I know.

I know...

We have to help her.

Is it stuck?

Hold its feet.

Don't let go.

Move aside.

Try to calm her. I'll pull.

Who's that?

The collection truck.

Already?

My brothers start with my farm.

I need to talk to you.

What?

I've stolen milk from you.

I wanted to win the medal

and the 30,000 euros.

As I knew your milk was top quality,

with its pasture flowers and all,

well, I stole it.

C'mon, girl, push.

My mates took the milk while...

I was with you.

Are they here now?

Yes.

I know, girl...

C'mon, push.

Help me to hang it by its feet.

Come on, will you?

Hold it here.

One, two, three.

Who's in there?

Open up!

m*therf*cker!

m*therf*cker, open up!

What is this sh*t?

Don't touch me!

sh*t...

What's going on?

Stop, you sickos!

We caught them stealing your milk.

It's loaded with blanks.

- Why's he here?

- Stay out of it!

Shut up!

What'll you morons do now?

- Take your mates and go.

- His mates?

What is this sh*t?

Totone!

Francis, take Claire out. Go on!

- Let's go.

- No way, thrash these f*ck!

You dumped us in the sh*t!

Cut it out!

Totone, what is this?

f*ck this.

It's ok, we're leaving.

You're letting them go?

Why're you with that w*nk*r?

The w*nk*r's f*cking her,

shithead.

You let these dicks insult you?

Drop it, ok?

They sh**t at us, call us wankers,

and we run?

Yeah, run!

Piss off!

I sold my car

for your f*cking cheese!

I never asked you to!

Get lost.

You ok?

Got the tractor keys?

See you.

- Want me to stay?

- No.

I have to take you to school?

No, it's Sunday.

What're you looking at?

- Come on.

- No, drop it, Claire.

No.

You're a stubborn one.

No.

We're good.

It's hot.

- Here.

- Thanks.

- There.

- Perfect.

Come on.

Pull.

That's it.

Can I help you?

I'd like to do the contest.

Yes.

Let's see.

Which cheese dairy are you from?

Pimorin.

- Sorry?

- Pimorin.

Did you just get the PDO?

The what?

The designation.

No.

Sorry, without the PDO,

I can't sign you up.

How do I get it?

The process can take several years.

Experts check

you respect the specifications:

a blend of milk from three producers,

its origin,

your cheese's quality,

its production,

the round's weight,

and the duration of maturing.

After validation by a jury,

you obtain the PDO

and you can call your cheese Comt.

If you do all that, it should work.

- Shall I print out the specifications?

- No.

I'll print them for you. Wait here.

Well, is it good?

What?

The Comt.

It's inedible.

But that's normal.

It's too young.

It's too soon to taste it.

Is it well made anyway?

It's nice and compact.

A good texture.

You see?

Holy cow, what a squirmer!

Why bite yourself?

Why bite yourself?

No sense in biting yourself.

Going to stare at me much longer?

Need anyone to assist you?

No, I work a lot better on my own.

- I have a question.

- Yes?

How do you avoid scalding yourself

when you use the net?

- The cloth, you mean?

- Yes.

My arms got all red.

You've made Comt in a boiler?

Once, with my little sister.

I thought I could win the contest prize.

And?

It didn't work.

Why do you want to get into that?

It's an oldies' thing.

I dunno.

My dad did it before he croaked.

I don't know what else to do.

Soak your arms in cold water first.

Then you won't scald yourself.

Ok.

Come here a minute.

Hold the cloth and scrub it this way

or you'll damage it.

Go on.

Go ahead, scrub, don't be afraid.

Will it wash out?

You'll be so handsome.

Almost ready to go.

It's gonna be a hot one.

Helmet in hand,

the drivers in today's race.

There he is!

They'll give us a dream final.

Adrenaline is pumping.

Get ready!

Go and see her.

Stay out of it.

Stock car racing

means speed and spectacle.

The drivers have only two goals,

maximum flips

and lasting the duration.

A three-minute race.

Three minutes.

And they're off!

A terrific first flip!

Let's give him a big hand!

Fantastic!

Look over there.

Bravo, 325!

Jean-Yves Bretin's first flip.

Let's go...

That's a few drivers eliminated.

That's a nasty one!

But the show must go on!

Another flip for 325!

That's a red flag.

Red flag. Stop!

Stop!

They're off again!

He's back on all four wheels, lucky guy!

345 is back on its wheels too.

Young man!

Get off the track!

Get lost, you!

Let go of me!

325 is off again.

Sliding about a bit...

Seven still in the race.

Fantastic!

325's on a roll!

No way! A front stand!

What a terrific sight!

It's over! Over!

Ease off the gas

at the chequered flag.

We can give you the winner.

And it's a first win for 325.

Jean-Yves Bretin,

our youngest driver, from Pimorin

in the Jura.

A fantastic performance!

Give him a big hand, guys!

Go on, what're you waiting for?

Hey, Totone!