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01x05 - The Tunnel

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Stags". Aired: 15 August 2024.*
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Series follows groom-to-be Stu and his friends on his stag do in South America.

01x05 - The Tunnel

Post by bunniefuu »

[speaking Spanish]

GOMEZ: You've done

this operation before?

- One time?

- Many times.

- Why are you locked up in here?

- GEMMA: If you want to live,

then your one option is escape.

[g*nshots]

If you want to escape,

then your one option, it's me.

KAI: There's a "sh**t on sight"

order out on us.

- We need to lie low.

- Sorry about the chair.

KAI: If they find us,

we're dead.

- [mine chirps]

- [expl*si*n]

[speaking Spanish]

I have, um, an indecent

proposal for you two.

You guys,

you want to escape, right?

- [latin music playing]

- [g*nf*re]

[guard speaking Spanish]

♪♪♪

- [banging]

- [girl shouting in Spanish]

Huh?

Vamos!

[girl shouting in Spanish]

[firecrackers exploding]

Jesus!

[g*ns clicks]

[shouts in Spanish]

[shouts in Spanish]

[shouts in Spanish]

[door clicks]

[gasping]

Well done, Clem.

[speaking in Spanish]

You need

to get cleaned up, Clem.

Go back to my place.

Help yourself to whatever

you like from my wardrobe.

Then get straight back.

Keep Gomez alive.

Miguel?

[eerie music]

- [groans]

- [gasps]

- [stabbing]

- [groaning]

[wheezing]

[coughing]

[flesh squishing]

RYAN: Why did we leave Kai

out there?

STU: What would

we have done, Ry?

[g*nf*re]

RYAN: It's a good ring, mate.

I mean, Look. Look.

[insects buzzing]

[speaking in Spanish]

[grunts]

- This better be a good plan.

- Oh, it's a really good plan.

[keys rattling]

Good.

Because I'm supposed

to be operating

on some Nosferatu-looking dude

called Gomez right now.

- And when I don't show up

- Gomez?

- Yeah.

- Like, now?

- Yeah!

- That's perfect.

[gasps]

No.

Gemma. No.

Gemma! Gemma. No. Please.

Gemma! Please! Stop!

f*ck! [whimpering]

STU: Please. We're hardly

spoilt for options,

but we need to know

what we're doing.

What it is exactly that we

you want us to do.

Shh! I told you

when I offered you the phone

in the minefields.

It's a one-time offer.

Either you're in, right now,

or you're out. Understand?

I have arranged a boat

that will take me

and whoever I want out of here.

KAI: Boys, don't f*cking

leave me out here!

Please, I wanna live!

Get me out!

But escaping this country,

it's not cheap. Okay?

And I also overheard

that you needed

one of these, no? Hmm?

So that means that I'm going

to rob the cocaine factory.

And you two are going to help me

carry lots of coke away.

There are tunnels

under Puerco n*gro,

right under this prison.

How do we get under the prison

and into the tunnels?

There are two ways.

You can either die

or get k*lled.

They will take your dead body

and throw it

from the roof,

down the chimney

Oh, right.

inside a room

infested with the dead

who could afford to be buried.

Or you can go my way.

You go with me because

there's a secret passage.

And if you go that way,

there's a sneakier way, okay?

Okay. If you are f*cking in,

it's my rules, understand?

Mine.

Otherwise, you will end up

like your friends before you.

MAN: So[clears throat]

No, I don't think

that'll be that easy.

Ant's ring.

We could go back for it.

Ant's ring.

We could We could get it back,

like you said.

What?

We could do that

for Ruby and the kids.

That would

That would mean something.

That would f*cking mean

something, wouldn't it?

So, uh, getting the ring back

isn't gonna

change anything, is it?

Everyone's dead, Stu.

Everyone's dead.

I just wanted

to get married, Ry.

I'm sorry.

[inhales]

I'm not

a f*cking psychopath, right?

Wait.

Stu!

That's what he says now.

f*ck him.

He's not really worth it.

Come on, let's go.

You can't just

f*cking leave him.

Do you know how close

we are to escape?

You could be home in your cold

and rainy London.

Or you can stand there and get

your head blown off by a b*llet

while waiting for your friend

who put you in here.

[speaking Spanish]

[Spanish continues]

Are you his man

or are you your own man?

Because if you don't want

to help me,

I'm gonna do it by myself.

So f*cking do it.

And I'm from Essex, you twat.

[speaking Spanish]

[shouting in Spanish]

[g*nf*re]

Stu, you're gonna get us

f*cking shot.

[g*nsh*t]

I've got it. I've got it.

- [g*nsh*t]

- RYAN: f*ck' Christ!

Go! Go, go, go!

We had a plan. We had a

We had a plan!

[panting]

sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

What the f*ck is this?

Gomez is waiting.

What are you doing back in here?

I, um I

Where's Gemma?

I don't know.

I came back and she was gone.

I just want a status check.

We still

You know, the terms

to the deal still apply,

and this hasn't,

you know, changed anything

in terms of what

we agreed, right?

Thanks to you,

I currently have a one-eyed man

operating on a f*cking king,

do you understand?

You see this through,

you do a good job,

then we might discuss status.

Is this about him

or about Gemma?

[door creaks]

SELMA:

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Let's just

slow down and talk, okay?

- CLEM: Let's just talk!

- [shouting in Spanish]

- Let's just talk, hmm?

- [g*n clicks]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[yelling]

Enough! Stop it!

Get up.

Good, Clem.

Give me back my g*n.

Don't give her the f*cking g*n.

What the f*ck

have you done with Gomez?

Ask him yourself

if you can find him.

Place was like this

when I arrived.

This and a bunch

of kids outside.

- Bullshit!

- f*ck you.

f*ck you. f*ck you!

Clem, give me the f*cking g*n!

You can trust me!

- [scoffs]

- Her? She's a snake.

- She locked you in that cell.

- So did you.

[tense music]

What? What's in the fridge?

It's a tunnel.

Leads to the coast.

Told you I had a plan, didn't I?

So, why aren't you gone already?

Because it looks

different.

What? What does that mean?

Hey!

Something's up, right?

[speaking in Spanish]

Oi! You're saying there's

a tunnel beneath us

that leads to the sea?

Correct? Out of here?

Good. Get in there

and lead me to it.

- Or what?

- [g*n c*ck]

You, too. f*cking Cruella.

You're coming n'all.

Making me what, a hostage?

Before long, my men

are following us in

and k*lling you where you stand.

Your men sounded busy.

[speaking Spanish]

[g*nsh*t]

Let's go. Girls trip.

[tense music]

Let's get f*cking out of here.

Pl-Please, please, please.

I thought we had a deal.

[whispering] Shut up.

Shut the f*ck up.

- It's all good.

- [shouting in Spanish]

- Stu, calm it down.

- It's all right.

No more games, huh?

I've seen you leave

your other friends behind.

Tell me, how much

does this one mean to you?

RYAN: Stu, please.

Some of us have bigger plans

than you can realize.

Okay? And you are not going

to f*ck this up for me.

I won't. I won't. I swear.

I'll do anything you want.

[exhales]

Jesus Christ.

I didn't know what to do.

I can see that.

You didn't do anything.

You didn't do f*cking anything.

[exhales]

Let's go. I won't let you

mess this up for me.

Come on! Come on this way.

[ominous music]

[Selma speaking Spanish]

STU: Sorry, sorry, sorry,

sorry, sorry.

Thought you said

nobody would be here.

Preoccupied, you said.

He don't look very f*cking

preoccupied, does he?

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

See that door behind him?

We're gonna need

to get through it.

STU: Well,

what's the plan then?

You'll have

to figure it out, okay?

GEMMA: Stop f*cking

shoveling me.

CLEM: Don't. Why don't we start?

SELMA: I'll start.

Help me, Clem.

CLEM: I want no funny Aah!

Answers. Now.

Because she wouldn't put

holes in you, Selma.

But me? I would f*cking love to.

What the f*ck

is going on down here?

Why the emergency lights?

Because there's been

an emergency, genius.

The power surged.

She's telling the truth

about that much

So, why that look on your face?

- Do you think it's out?

- Is what out?

Answer!

I'm trying to find

some sign of Gomez.

I'm I'm trying to see

if Gomez could be down here.

So, what's that then?

Why the look on your face?

Gemma is scared of El Niño.

Gemma's scared of what?

Shut up! Both of you. Walk.

Yes? Quietly.

[tense music]

[rustling]

[grunting]

- [g*nsh*t]

- [Ryan gasps]

f*ck.

f*ck, mate. You k*lled him.

What did you do?

What the f*ck

are you two waiting for?

Let's hide the body.

f*ck.

[sighs, exhales]

[door creaking]

[door closes]

Avoid anything piled

on the right.

[smacks lips] Yes, leave it.

That's their step-down stuff.

What, so, stick to the left?

Yes, stick to the left.

Right, not right.

Yes? It's right.

Take these bricks here.

Quickly. Load it all up.

We might not have much time.

Okay, maybe we have problems.

Oh, do What We have, do we?

There used to be wheelbarrows

and bicycles

and even a pallet truck

over there.

What, so, what?

We can't f*cking move it?

You said you had a plan.

Well, I think

I think th-that that part of it

would've factored

pretty f*cking crucial

to any part of your plan!

So, what the f*ck are we doing?

- [door slams]

- Shh.

[Luba humming]

Hide.

Hide.

Hide. Hide!

GEMMA: Shut up.

You should see

about that leg quickly

if you plan on keeping it.

I mean, she probably is right.

You can shut up, too.

You're slowing us down.

- Agreed?

- No more talking. Just walk.

Just let me have a look

at your leg.

Yeah?

[Gemma screaming]

Right! Right!

What the f*ck is El Niño?

It's a beast

that lives beneath the prison

in this tunnel.

It's a beast?

Is this a f*cking joke?

Coked-up drug lords like

exotic animals for pets, right?

But it got too big.

It's normally locked up

when people are using the tunnel

so that people

can use the tunnel.

That thing eats the dead people.

And it's in here? With us?

No. Close by.

Locked up.

Probably.

[ominous music]

Well, then I really do need

to have a look.

What?

We need to fix your f*cking leg

because you're slowing us down.

Move. Over there.

The fact is, I'm not interested

in you attracting that thing

with an open f*cking wound.

So

- [whimpering]

- Sorry.

Talk to me

about what we do if it appears.

- Talk to me!

- [groans]

Sorry.

Don't look it in the eyes.

Didn't you tell me once

there was a song?

The song is in Spanish.

She doesn't speak it.

I doubt she sings it.

Don't look it in the eyes.

Better, guarita?

Or do you need a little hug too

before you're ready to carry on?

Keep talking, witch,

see what happens.

What is this between you two?

[man speaking in Spanish]

[clattering]

[clattering continues]

Fine. Silence

is probably preferable

under the circumstances.

[distant screaming]

Señor Gomez?

If it was free again,

I would know.

Again?

[screeching music]

[somber music]

[speaking in Spanish]

No, no, no, no! Get off her!

[speaking in Spanish]

What the f*ck is going on?

[snaps]

Huh?

[clattering]

RYAN: How are we supposed

to f*cking shift this?

[clattering]

Eh!

Grab this bag, Essex.

Try loading the coke into it.

Come on, do it.

[Luba speaking Spanish]

RYAN: How many

are we supposed to do?

Guys, now try to pick

the bag up. Come on.

- What?

- Come on! Come on!

Try to run with it!

[shuffling]

STU: Three, two, one. Let's go.

[Ryan grunting] f*cking sh*t.

f*cking

f*ck!

STU: What the f*ck

are we doing, Ry?

- RYAN: Lift quieter!

- Shush!

Eh. Eh.

STU: We can't carry this lot

out of here.

RYAN: You couldn't if you

were made out of f*cking

- The tape here, use it.

- What for?

Start taping the coke

to yourselves! Come on.

Is he serious?

And make sure that you can run!

Come on!

[sighs]

Just do what he says

and we'll be all right.

- BRANCO: Luba!

- f*ck it.

[banging]

[Branco yelling in Spanish]

- f*ck.

- What now? What the f*ck now?

Gomez?

Gomez!

You do know where you're

going, don't you?

Do you want to survive, right?

Well, how far

to this thing's cage?

Close. Close to here.

Any sense in us turning around?

[rustling]

What? What are you saying?

Can we, for once,

talk in English?

[sighs]

[deep growling]

f*cking run!

No! No! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

[shouting in Spanish]

[knocking]

- [door clicks]

- [gasps]

[creature roaring]

The f*ck are we supposed

to do now?

When will we even

know if it's gone?

- [lights click]

- What the f*ck?

Is he supposed to be dead?

[banging]

She just told the whole prison

where we are.

Now her people really

will be coming.

Not good.

Calm. Calm.

[Branco sniffing]

[man on radio]

CLEM: What have you done?

Now what?

If we stay here, we're f*cked.

Her people could

very well be on their way.

Excuse me? If we leave here,

we're f*cked.

Have you forgotten

what we are running from?

sh**t her, Clem. Now. Please.

Just give me the g*n

and I'll f*cking sh**t her.

We'll need bait.

Maybe we can lure it back

to its cage.

But we'd need bait.

And what does bait look like?

It looks human.

- She

- What?

is useless. Let her go out,

lure it back in.

Nice try.

SELMA: Gomez wasn't there.

He might be alive.

So you can operate on him,

and our deal stands!

But Gemma? Expendable.

See that? See? Huh?

She betrayed you! Remember?

- I didn't betray her!

- Oh, come on!

You think I don't know

you locked her in your room

and bolted?

I told her I had a plan.

I know you needed her

to operate on Gomez.

Please. My guess

is you just f*cked me over.

I was being held c*ptive.

In one room for years.

She had it sweet.

Linen bed sheets, fresh fruit.

I f*cking spoiled you.

I wasn't supposed

to be here at all.

I literally did nothing wrong.

They were going to set me free.

[romantic music]

SELMA:

GEMMA: But I was never

supposed to be here.

I was in love.

I thought I was in love.

- [scoffs]

- The b*stard treat me He

It was not What?

You thought you were in love.

He planted drugs on you.

That's all you were for.

Then he f*cked you.

Then I came along

and showed you

who you could really be.

You kidnapped me, Selma.

And why? Why?

Because you were lonely.

Just plain old lonely.

f*cking pathetic.

[woman vocalizing]

♪♪♪

From here on out,

no more Spanish.

Look. I think

it's getting closer.

[lights crackling]

Thank God. Now we have bait.

Her. He can f*cking have her

and we can run.

It's still you, Selma.

[sniffles]

Pucker up.

Your turn to get f*cked.

[intriguing music]

What's the plan?

Don't know. Don't know, man.

I don't know.

He said it was a boat, right?

There's a boat coming.

So if we could just get

on a boat, then we can

Or we could just go back

in there with what's-his-name.

Oh, do you want to go back

in there, do you?

No, I don't want to go back

in there.

He's probably dead anyway.

The f*cking roof, Ry.

That's what he said.

He said there was a room

connected to the tunnels

where they throw

the bodies down.

What, is that the plan?

Mate, if that

was the f*cking plan,

then wouldn't that have been

the plan from the start?

It's a way up there, isn't it?

I mean, we can get to the roof.

We can do that.

We still have coke

to pay for the guy.

Yeah. Exactly.

Well, f*cking, we can't

just mosey through the prison

like this, can we?

We'll be dead men walking.

You're not gonna like this.

But then, you don't need

to like it, do you? f*ck you.

[shuffling]

Come on, Selma. Chop chop.

Wait.

Is this too far? Too insane?

f*ck you. f*ck your pity.

If I'm the bait,

then I'm the bait.

I am the bait.

You're f*cking afraid.

Just you, not me.

Okay, you're not afraid.

CLEM: So, let's go.

If we go, she'll just come

back in here and lock the door.

So I don't want you

to lock it in here.

Where I want you to lock it

is back in its cage.

[speaking in Spanish]

Don't look it in the eyes.

[wheel creaks]

[creature roaring]

GEMMA: Get that thing

back in its cage.

You owe me, Selma.

[clanging]

[distant rattling]

[panting]

[distant roaring]

[singing in Spanish]

[door creaking]

[singing continues]

[stomping]

[growling]

[singing continues]

[grunting]

[singing continues]

[Latin folk music]