01x03 - 12 Rules for Extraordinary People

[bunniefuu]

Beautiful day, huh?

Every day above ground
is a beautiful day.

You got that right.

Well, this is me.

See you tomorrow!

And, also, I love you.

We've been riding this
elevator every day

for the past six
years, and every day,

I've wanted to tell
you that I love you.

Jesus Christ, Doug,
get it together!

I gotta say I'm very
disappointed here, Jeff.

I mean, think about how
this reflects on us!

We set you up with a new job
and then you nuke the place?

Whoosh! Strike one hundred.

Next stop... tank-town.

Not that the tank is a
punitive instrument, Darren.

But in this case we do
think it would be best

to put some space between you
and the rest of the colony.

Yeah, we're thinking
a year or two.

Minimum.

What do you have to
say for yourself?

Well, first, obviously, I'm
as shocked a... as you are.

That's the truth.

I mean, who could have
imagined something like

this actually even... Ma'am?

Jaxton is awake.

Oh, thank God. Send him in.

Guy's got a pair of wrecking
ba*ls between his legs, huh?

He saved what? Must've
been a dozen lives?

Just imagine the carnage
if he hadn't been there...

There he is! The
man of the hour.

The hero of Mars!

Have a seat, buddy.
You earned it.

Jeff here was just
about to tell us

exactly how he managed
to nearly m*rder

and destroy an entire,
crucial department.

Isn't that right,
Jeff? Stop, stop.

You got it all wrong.

I'm no hero.

Uh, Jax?

You bump your head
or something, bud?

It was my fault.

I must've forgot to turn
off the nitrous yesterday...

Sometimes I turn on the gas to
keep things on an even keel.

"It's like playing jazz."

I just feel it out
and... I don't know.

You okay, man?

Uh, yeah, I'm okay, except
for the fact that the...

Well, then. Jeff, it looks
like we owe you an apology.

Hey Jeff, why don't you go
lie down for a bit, okay?

But actually,
fellas... No buts, pal.

You need to rest.

Nothing's more important
than your health.

Hey, but, if you can
just give me a minute,

I-I think I can shed
some light on...

Oh, God, what did I do?

Phew, okay...

Ugh, this is all out of order.

You're not using
Jaxton's system.

Oh. O-Okay.

I'm not sure he fully
explained this step?

But... But if you give
me a quick refresher,

I think I might have a...
I'm on the receiving end

of the system, not the
refreshing end, Jeff.

And in case you haven't noticed,
we are dangerously behind here.

You do know that our advocacy
and promotion of personal

well-being is literally
the only thing

stopping half of this colony
from k*lling themselves?

Yes, o-of course.

f*ck-ups like these have
huge consequences, Jeff.

Right. Huge!

O-Okay.

Get my water ready
for Dream Circle.

Copy.

Now, did you want that
with lemon or without?

Yeah, Jeff, I actually want the
water without lemon this time.

Thank you for asking.

Let's skip the antioxidants
and the flavonoids

and let the
inflammation run rampant

through my entire weakened,
critically injured body.

So you do want it
with lemon water?

LEMON WATER NOW!

Yes, ma'am.

Now, I know this has been
a intensely traumatic week,

but let's do our best
to remember the reason

we're all here.

Dreams.

I'll go first.

I have a dream...

that we make all the cafeteria
tables into chalkboards

and we put little cups
of colored chalk around.

Doodling is a natural
stress-reliever.

And I know I could sure
use a stress-reliever

right about now.

Marcus, would you
like to go next?

Oh, I have a dream...

that my eyebrows magically
grow back overnight

after that freak
Jaxton burned them off.

C'mon, Marcus. I don't
think that's right.

I know it's hard, but please,
let's keep it positive.

"Positive"...

positive.

I have a dream...

that Jeff is as
successful a presence

as I just know he's gonna be.

Because I never want
to go back to working

with that freak
m*therf*cker ever again.

I mean, he's so toxic.

He was literally
gaslighting us with gas!

Okay, people, okay.

The elephant in
the room... Jaxton.

Let's just say, I've
been working very closely

with Darren on this,

and we found a much more
suitable place for him.

A tank.

A sleep tank, actually.

I don't quite understand
the science of it all,

but the bottom line
is...

he's gonna be in there
a long, long time.

Years.

If he can survive that long
without kissing Reagan's a*s.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hey Mario. Hey, man.

Hey, I don't know if
you actually heard me,

but I ordered a smoothie,

not some loosey-goosey
puddle of piss.

Let's thicken her up with some
bananas please, okay, Chief?

Thank you.

You're putting Jax in the tank?

We sure are!

But the tank's a
k*lling machine!

Well, actually, we fixed it!

And really, there wasn't
anything wrong with it at all.

In all the hustle and bustle

of getting your
unconscious body in there,

we forgot to flush
out your bowels.

So you were just choking on
that stuff for weeks and weeks.

But I think there's
been a mistake, y'know?

I think Jax took
responsibility for something

that actually was completely
an accident, maybe.

I-I don't know, it could
have been something

that had nothing to do with him.

I just don't know.

Well, thank you, Mario.
Thank you so much.

Why are you even worrying
about this stuff?

You're the
Dreamspiration guy now.

You don't got time
to fret about Jax.

Guy's a total flunky. A dud.

He's all cashed out.
He's got no edge.

Not like you. Look at you!

You're a young, virile executive
with a head full of dreams

and a d*ck full of lead, baby!

You got your whole
life ahead of you.

You look great,
Jeff, by the way.

You... You smell like
sh*t, but you look great.

Guy's a dud.

He's all cashed out.

He's got no edge.

And every
victorious soldier

has one thing in
common... An edge.

sh*t, if things
really went south,

I got enough plutonium
to bring this whole place

down around us like...

See, the thing is, some
ancient grains she likes,

some ancient grains
she does not like.

Quinoa, that's a yes.

Millet, that's a yes.

Barley, that's a yes.

Buckwheat, that's a no.

Right. Yeah.

Now let me
ask you something.

You got any tips for the tank?

Ah, l-listen, Jax, that's what
I wanted to talk to you about.

See, I really think
there might be

another path forward
on all of this.

You know how you were
telling me you had

"enough plutonium to bring
this whole place down"?

Mmmmmmm.

"Dirt on everybody."
Y-Your necklace thing.

U-Um...

Jax! The shark
tooth USB drive?

It... It's the only
thing around your neck?

Oh, this.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.

No way, man. Th... That's...

That's for my peeps.

Yeah, I-I'd never
use it on myself.

It would be selfish.

Sometimes you gotta be selfish.

No way, amigo.

Only assholes are selfish.

If you were in trouble?

Sure. I-I'd deploy the nukes.

But no...

not for ol' Jax.

I've got a date with the tank.

I know it's gonna be
pretty wet in there.

Pretty dark, too.

But lord knows I've spent
plenty of time in the shadows.

Hey, easy there, bud.

Here, how about we have another
round before we hit the road?

♪ Dreamland ♪

♪ There let my dreams... ♪

Take it easy.

♪ COME trueeeee ♪

Good boy. That's it.

Whoa!

Oh, sh*t!

You're okay, old
friend, you're okay.

Unless you've been living under
a rock for the past few years,

you know the name Junior Ellis.

Commercials, magazines,
television appearances,

and the new face of
Brian's Beef Barn,

located right off of exit 27
in downtown Fort Lauderdale.

Folks, little Junior
Ellis is living large.

What the f...?

Jax?

Turn it off.

I-I was just trying to...

TURN IT OFF.

NOW!

I... Sorry, uh...

Give me that!

I-I'm sorry. I-I was just trying
to get the dirt to save you.

To save my peep.

The only dirt I
got is on myself.

On that 350-pound,
chipmunk-cheeked loser.

I-I don't know about
that, Jax, I mean, I...

I thought it was kind
of cool. Sure, you...

You might have been a little
on the husky side, but...

I changed my name the
day I turned twelve.

The last 30 years?

They've been about
changing everything else.

It's been a difficult journey.

But I'll tell you what.

When I met you, I
realized something.

I don't always gotta
walk that road alone.

Sure it sucks I hit a multi-year
detour with this tank stuff.

But, hey, at least I got
to make a good buddy first.

A best buddy.

I love you, man.

Oh, o-okay.

Well, I love you, to...

I have a dream.

A little gong right by the door.

Just give it a ring.

Y'know, you don't always
gotta ring it hard.

Just give it a little "Bong."

There's something I-I
gotta say to everyone.

A-A... Dream.

No. Not a dream.

Not a dream?

A fib, actually.

That I told.

Technically an
omission. And, well...

Uh...

I'm the one who caused the
expl*si*n event at your party.

Sorry, Jeff, are you
making a joke or...?

It's... It's just
sometimes hard to know.

I-I'm not making a joke.

I caused the expl*si*n.

Ha, ha, Jeff.

g*dd*mn it, w-w-will
you listen to me?

Jax had nothing to do with it.

I was just worried about
your birthday, Reagan.

I didn't want everyone
to be disappointed.

A-And the truth is,

I actually think
there's a path forward

where we can all come together
and instead of punishing people,

I believe that we can focus on
getting things back on track,

y'know, to how they were...

you know, b-before
the expl*si*n.

Well, thank you, Jeff. Wow.

You know, I do my best to make
sure this is a safe space.

A space of tolerance for
people to speak and exist

without judgment or stigma.

But when people take
advantage of my trust,

the safe space is obliterated.

You make me sick, and luckily,

I won't have to see
your lying face anymore.

You've been transferred.

Transferred to the tank.

Oh, my God, babe.

Did they say how long?

Um, a few years.

More than a few, actually.

Oh, my God, Jeff...

Oh.

This is all so sudden.

Yeah. f*ck!

I mean, I feel like things
were really starting

to get so good between us.

Like we were, I don't
know, rekindling.

I mean, at least
you'll be up here soon.

Oh. Right.

So you can, I don't
know, visit me.

Just tap on the
glass or something.

Jeffy...

And then who knows, y'know?

Maybe 10 years from now, you're
walking down that hallway

and you come around the
corner and there I am.

I would love that.

How did this happen?

How did it come to this?

No need to be precious.

Our boy's an old pro.

Just don't go dying on
us this time, 'kay, bud?

Good
night!

Oh, he's out, he's out, okay.

The playground is officially
open. Who wants to go first?

Time to give this son of a
b*tch a run for his money.

You know what, honey?

I've been thinking about this
whole Mars thing, and, uh...

I don't want to go.

That's fine. It
was just a thought.

Yeah, I mean, why
would I go to Mars?

When you really think about
it, we have everything here.

A beautiful home.

The sunset, the breeze...

and you.

Papa, Papa!

What is it, Etienne?

Tilly wants to
open her presents.

Banjo!
Get out of here!

Banjo! You're silly!

What about Papa's present?

The kids picked something
out just for you, Jeff.

Up here, Papa!

Wait, what?

W-What's going on here?

Wait.

Whoa.

W-W... No, no!

Jax.

That's what happens to people
who f*ck with my peeps.

Ha-Hannah! Oh...

Hey, boo!

- No...
- I'm free!

Yep, i-it's like a
miracle or something.

I-It's unbelievable!

Wow...

What happened?

Well, I was in there and it
was filling up with water,

and then... you know what?

It doesn't matter.
The tank's destroyed.

Gone. I mean,
it's... it's over!

It's really f*cking over!

Jeff... I know! Yeah!

And hey, listen, I saw
something when I was in there,

and, I, uh... I'm just...

Well, I wanted to
say I'm so damn happy

to have you in my life.

And I know that these past
few months have been hard,

but I'm gonna make
it up to you...

And they don't have
another tub? Tank!

Like, in the back somewhere?

I-I was imprisoned in a tank!

And no, I don't think
they have another one.

But Hannah?

Okay, what's going on?

Listen, Jeff...

I need to tell you something.

Hann?

I'm not coming to Mars.

A frontier town on the
edge of the known universe.

A blank slate of red dirt,

the biggest volcano
in the solar system,

and ice.

Lots and lots of ice.

One day, it'd become
a thriving petri dish

of aerobic life-forms.

But for now, it was just us.

This was where we'd
planted our flag.

This was where we would
write our next chapter.

Hey, uh, I wanted to say thanks.

For what you did.

For me, y'know, to the tank.

You're good to your peeps.

And I didn't even think
I was a peep anymore,

to tell you the truth.

Not sure I know what
you're talking about.

Yeah, okay, well,
I'll see you around.

W-What do you got there?

This? It's just
building supplies.

Uh, what are you building?

A man.

Oh, like a... Like a
little robot dude or...?

No.

Me.

♪ A man decides after
seventeen years ♪

♪ That what he goes there for ♪

♪ Is to unlock the door ♪

♪ While those around him
criticize and sleep ♪

Yes, most people derive
meaning from their jobs.

But what if I told
you my job is me?

I'm my own life's work!

♪ But we're never
gonna survive unless ♪

Nihao. My name is Jeff.

Wo jiao Jeff.

♪ No, we're never gonna survive
unless we are a little ♪

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Crazy are the people
walking through my head ♪

♪ One of them's got a g*n ♪

♪ To sh**t the other one ♪

♪ And yet together they
were friends at school ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ The fire went out when
we first took the pill ♪

♪ They'll be back, be
back, be back, be back ♪

Woo zhàngfu yu dào máfanle,
woo xuyào qu kàn yisheng.

f*ck!

♪ But we're never gonna survive
unless we get a little crazy ♪

♪ But we're never gonna survive
unless we are a little ♪

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ No, no, we'll never survive ♪

♪ Unless we get a little bit ♪

♪ A man decides, oh, long
after seventeen years ♪

♪ Oh, darling ♪

♪ In a sky full of people,
only some want to fly ♪

♪ Isn't that crazy? ♪