01x02 - WTF - What The F... ather?

[bunniefuu]

-Brother-in-law!
-Brother-in-law!

You promised you will perform.

What performance? Pihu.

Are you going to make me sing
even in this mood?

♪ Trucks have horns ♪

♪ Movies have John ♪

♪ Even Go Goa has Gone ♪

♪ Kidney has stones ♪

♪ Trucks have horns
Movies have John ♪

♪ Even Go Goa has Gone
Kidney has stones ♪

♪ Dogs have bones
Sarees have chiffon ♪

♪ Karachi has a don ♪

♪ But who... who... who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Skies have drones ♪

♪ Flowers have thorns ♪

♪ For lunch, there's baby corn ♪

♪ COVID has Omicron ♪

♪ Skies have drones
Flowers have thorns ♪

♪ For lunch, there's baby corn
COVID has Omicron ♪

♪ Sylvester has Stallone
Even Shane has Warne ♪

♪ Even smart people are morons ♪

♪ But who's my daddy? ♪

♪ Alrighty, alrighty ♪

♪ But who is your daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Blessed with bad luck
I feel embarrassed ♪

♪ Blessed with bad luck
I feel embarrassed ♪

♪ Whose input was I? ♪

♪ Whose have I become? ♪

♪ Whose have I become? ♪

♪ Whose have I become? ♪

♪ Whose outcome am I?
Outcome, outcome, outcome ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

Does anyone know who my pop is?

Nothing will happen.

It's not like my world has changed.

Pops will fix everything
by telling me who my real father is.

It's all going to be fine.

Fix what?

It's not just about your father, bro.
Imagine if your father is poor.

That will change everything.

Your net-banking password,
the limit on your credit card.

You used to get credit
because of your father.

Bro, what if he is a miser?

The car will be replaced by a cart,

the mansion will be replaced
by a shed,

and avocados will be replaced
by bananas.

You are doomed, man!

First, you lost your father.
Next, it will be your girlfriend.

Are you comforting me
or scaring me?

Bloody...

You know what,

check whether the car
is registered to me.

-What?
-There are no papers.

Pops.

Everything will be fine.

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

Yoga?

All my life you kept it
a secret from me.

I cannot even complain.

Out of your two children,
you loved me the most.

But Pihu's father

is serious about analysing
my bloodline.

And for me to settle down,

I must know who my real father is.

I know who your father is.

He is none other than...

Pops!

This is no time to freeze.

Pops. Hello.

Pops.

I am dying to know
who Sahil's real father is.

Mommy...

Slept well?

-Are you okay, bro?
-Am I okay?

-Acting smart with me?
-No, no, Doctor.

-Come inside.
-No, no.

Next month.
Surgery next month, Doctor.

Don't run.
Someone catch him.

Why is the doctor beating him?

Sir, that patient always comes in
for brain surgery

and gets a free haircut.

-Haircut?
-Yes.

Odd.

Pihu, you...

also need a haircut?

No!

I came to ask what your father said.

Tell me, Sahil.

What did your father say?

It's unbelievable, Pihu.

You won't believe
who my real father is.

Who is your real father?

He said we won't believe him,
so let's drop it.

Shut up.

Who is your real father, Sahil?

Your father was popularly
known as Bodyguard.

And his fans called him Tiger.

His name was Sultan.

Bodyguard?

Tiger?

Sultan?

Is my father Salman Khan?

Salman Khan.

Hello.

The story isn't complete yet.

Not Salman.

He was Sultan.
Sultan Quereshi.

My bodyguard.

Sultan.

This story dates back to the time

when I had the 10-second condition.

But you still suffer
from that condition.

Not how I react 10 seconds late.

I used to react 10 seconds early.

I could guess what was going to
happen 10 seconds later.

-Driver.
-Yes, sir.

How soon will we get there?

We'll be there in 10 seconds, sir.

I'll stop the car,
and you can get out.

It was a time

when I was swiftly crossing
new milestones in politics.

And my enemies were
burning with envy.

So, I hired a huge bodyguard
for my safety.

Stay back. Stay back.

Stay back. Stay back.

Stay back.

Hold it.

Go back. Go back.

Who burst a balloon?

Silly boy,

you bust me up.

Soon it was time to pick
a candidate from our party

to run for the elections.

So, the party has decided

that Brij Kishore Trivedi

will be our candidate
in the upcoming elections.

I realised 10 seconds earlier

that there was going to be
an attack on me.

There may be an attack on me
in 10 seconds.

Stay sharp.

Since my head injury,

I began reacting 10 seconds late.

Sir... that 10-rupee note.

10...

Yes? You were trying
to say something?

Speak up.

Go ahead. I am waiting.

Thanks to that 10-rupee note,

your real father saved
your adoptive father.

What were you going to say?
Go on.

Tell me. Tell me.

I went to see your grandfather

who looked identical
to your father.

Please accept this.

Pardon me,

but if it's monetary help
you want to offer,

the victim to be compensated...

Your bodyguard Sultan Quereshi.

Yes.

You must adopt his son.

I'll be grateful to you.

You see, I cannot shoulder
this burden alone.

Well...

I guess you didn't like
my suggestion.

I imagined you will say--

I will raise this child
like my own son.

I give you my word.

Marvellous. Marvellous.

♪ Oh, my Master ♪

♪ You are everywhere I see ♪

♪ You are my benefactor ♪

♪ You dwell in my heart ♪

♪ You belong to all ♪

♪ You belong to all, my Master. ♪

♪ You are the earth, the sky ♪

♪ There is none like you ♪

Thank you very much.

Mister.

You can give me
the money you brought.

Why?

I mean...

So, your father was a guard?

You see, my real papa,
or father dearest,

was a guard is a lesser-known fact.

Only the three of us know
who my real father is.

Your real father
doesn't have a clue

who my real father is.

Hello, he is my real father.

That's what I said.

But that only applies
if I have a fake father.

-Oh, you mean--
-Enough of this.

Come to the point.

Which point?

Oh, yeah. Okay, listen.

We will fabricate a story
for your father.

I mean concoct.

-What now?
-"Concoct." Sounds negative, Sahil.

Fine, we won't concoct.

We'll improvise, okay?

Here's the plan.

I heard everything, sir.
Just watch.

They will definitely come up
with a fake story.

And hearing this,
I was drastically

exorbitantly flabbergasted.

A maid with such good English.

I learnt it for him, sir.

For whom?

Popsi.

Come on, Pihu.
Come here.

What is going on?

My maid is preparing
for the Olympics.

What's this behaviour, Popsi?

He has a name.

That's one thing
we don't completely have.

What's your full name, son?

Sahil Brij Kishore Bhawani Trivedi.

How?

You heard it right.

Brij Kishore Bhawani Trivedi has
only one legitimate son.

But it's me, not Balwan.

Come here, son.

Give me a tight hug...

Rascal.

You actually thought
you could fool me

with your hen and bull story.

It's not "hen," sir.

-It's coc--
-I know. I know.

But I can't say it
with my daughter standing here.

My bad. My bad.

And you know what's bad for you.

I know you are the son

of an ordinary,
insignificant bodyguard.

What are bodyguards?

Bloody nobodies.

Their presence makes no difference.

You have only one last option.

What?

-Say "trending."
-Trending.

Forget the wedding.

Popsi, come on.

A man should be judged
for his nature, not his job.

Yes, uncle.

Now that you know,

I am sure my father
had some qualities.

And I will find it.
I just need some time.

-Fine. You get five seconds.
-Five seconds?

A guy can't locate a zit
on his back in five seconds.

How can I find his qualities?

-I can find it--
-Shut up.

-Your time is up, son.
-Uncle...

Popsi, please.

You must give Sahil
at least a week.

At least.

-Please, Popsi.
-No.

For my sake.

Listen...

The world is made of 70% water,

and yet people want
to drown in love.

Now look, you made her
emotionally blackmail me!

Fine. I give you one week.

In a week, you must find out
your father's qualities.

-Of course.
-Otherwise...

-Pen drive?
-What is this?

It's a compilation
of Arijit Singh's songs.

The sad kind.

For crying out loud.

Leave.

Leave.

Let's go.

A cheap bodyguard he says.

Now I will definitely find
some quality

in my father, Sultan Quereshi.

Help me, God.

Wow. No screaming in pain?

Now, that's like a real man.

The man's got guts.

Guts?

Wait. Now watch.

-Guts.
-Good God!

Why are you staring at me
with those big grape-like eyes?

You took a bite out of
my joy like an apple.

I was getting picked
as the candidate,

but you put up a hurdle...

as big as a papaya in front of me.

And I...

I...

got left behind like a banana peel.

Sahil will reap the fruits
of your actions.

My son...

has become a fruit seller.

Fine. Fine.

I pray the municipality authorities

don't tear his shop down.

♪ O Prophet, peace be upon you ♪

♪ The one with the crown of mercy ♪

♪ The ruler of both worlds ♪

♪ Holding the meet in the sky ♪

♪ Fulfilling the needs of the poor ♪

♪ O Prophet, peace be upon you ♪

♪ O Messenger, peace be upon you ♪

♪ O Beloved, peace be upon you ♪

♪ The blessings of Allah
Be upon you ♪

♪ O Prophet ♪

♪ O Messenger ♪

♪ O Beloved, peace be upon you ♪

-You...
-Yes, me.

I mean... introduction.

Please do.

I mean, what's your name?

My name is Taufeeq Quereshi.

-Taufeeq.
-Yes.

And they are?

They don't deserve any introduction.

Who are you, my good brother?

I am your son Sultan's son.

You handed me over
to Brij Kishore Trivedi.

Sahil.

That's my name.

Hello...

Greetings...

Oh, Lord.

My son.

Forgive me, my son.

It was me who gave you away
to the minister

because I didn't want you

to grow up
in the same poverty as us.

And now that you have returned,

you are no longer Sahil,

but Sadiq Quereshi.

Son of Sultan Quereshi,

son of Taufeeq Quereshi.

Popsi, we're going to
watch these films today.

Sultan, Bodyguard,
Eklavya - The Royal Guard.

And after watching
these movies, Popsi,

you'll realise
how loyal bodyguards are.

Listen, child.

Even dogs are loyal.

And this boyfriend of yours

is on a quest to find
his father's qualities.

He'll find so many bad habits

that he will die of shame.

Popsi, where did
the water come from?

Where did it come from?

Where did the water come from?

Wow. Marvellous.

Grandpa, my father
must have been a fabulous singer.

He was completely unmelodious, son.

Giving him music lessons
would give me nightmares.

Back in the day,
there was a black dog.

Even a little kitten
would scare him.

And even that dog wasn't scared
of my son, Sultan.

♪ The dog wouldn't be scared ♪

♪ The dog wouldn't be scared ♪

Shut up. Shut up.

He had no relation
with music whatsoever.

-Related to music?
-Must be through an aunt's daughter.

♪ An aunt's daughter ♪

♪ An aunt's daughter ♪

Your new Aadhar card.

That's fine.

But I must learn Urdu
if I want to stay here.

The elders got angry with me
when I mispronounced words.

Every man has some qualities,
though small.

Focus your mind and think,
my father must have some quality.

What can I say, son?

I cannot remember a thing
because of this heat.

I wish we had better
living conditions.

God! Look there.

Even the fan has a single blade.

♪ Even the fan is alone... ♪

No, no!

Let me go, you monsters!

I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it.

It's all right. It's all right.

It's necessary for everyone.

How can it be all right?
I don't want to do it.

Calm down.

Careful, barber. He's a big kid.

No, please.

I don't want to do it.

Fine, you don't want to do it.

He doesn't want to do it.

Son, look at the birdie...

No! I know if I look at the birdie,
you guys will...

No, no, I don't want to do it.

No!

What happened, bro?

Oh... it was a close shave.

It was the end for me.

What are you doing?

Chandu...

I am fed up with watching
Papa's single expression.

Where did these boons come from?

They are "g*ons," sir.

"g*ons" are what we call
animated stuff.

That's "cartoons."

Who cares? Take a right.

You mean left. I'll do it myself.

They aren't letting up.

Hit the brakes!

Run.

-Sorry, sir.
-They ran away.

Sir, it's the end of the line
for you.

-Any last wishes.
-Shut up!

Let's go. Come, Pihu.

Let's show your father
the importance of a bodyguard.

Say something. Threaten them.

I come from Kabul
with my entire army.

Sir, do you have enemies in Kabul?

Not Kabul.
Make it Karol Bagh or Noida.

All the boys from Karol Bagh...
(continues in gibberish)

Russian mafia?

Whoever it is,
they are out for my blood.

-Run.
-Let's run.

Mommy kept saying I should
become a doctor or an engineer.

But I had to become a gangster.

Sir, your lineage is in danger.

What is happening?

Why can't they decide
how they want to k*ll me?

Go on, bodyguard.

Go live your life.

Duck! Duck!

-c*ck-a-doodle-doo.
-Quack, quack.

I meant hide. Save your life!

Oh, my God.

This bodyguard gave up his life
just like his father.

For you, Popsi.

My Sahil.

My friend cannot die.

Get up, Sadiq.

Look, Popsi.

He cannot be dead.

He is alive. He is alive.

Get up. Get up.

No.

A bodyguard doesn't
need any support.

O land of Gurgaon, salutations!

My father, Sultan Quereshi,

was an arduous vagabond,

a man of free will,

handpicked by destiny.

Bodyguard.

He had only one habit.

Once he made a commitment,

he wouldn't listen to anyone.

-He was hard of hearing, I guess.
-I see.

My father sacrificed his life

while trying to save the life
of his master Brij Kishore Trivedi.

See, Popsi.
I told you he doesn't have the blood

of an ordinary man
rushing through his veins.

I told you.

Now I know

what a bodyguard is worth.

Sadiq Sultan Taufeeq Quereshi.

Say "come on."

-Come on.
-The wedding is on.

It's on.

But...

But if you are his real son

and you are brave like he was,

then you must prove it.

Your orders?

You will have to sex me.

Hold on, boy. Hold on.

What do you think
you're doing, sir?

That's "impress," not "sex."

You have to impress him.

No, no, don't be stupid.

Impress is what you call...

Leave all that.

And tell me what to do.

All you have to do

is take revenge
on your father's k*ller.

No revenge, please.

Why?
You were ready to have sex.

-What's wrong with revenge?
-I wasn't having sex,

-just tightening my belt.
-Exactly. Liar.

Revenge is necessary!

What the f*ck!

-Mummy!
-Hello, sir.

Wait.

Hello, Papa uncle.

Hello.

Actually, I came here

to beguile... no...
compile, no...

-"Converse?"
-Right.

I wanted to have
a conversation with you.

The attack on you,

where my father gave his life
to save yours.

Who planned that attack on you?

He was...

Madhuri Dixit is hot,
but your temperature is hotter.

This is not done.

He already reacts 10 seconds late,

and you're making it worse.
Hold it.

Tell me who was behind the attack.

His k*ller was--

Time for his medicine.

Look, sir.
You are disturbing him.

Drink water. Drink water.

Who is disturbing him?

I am his son. Leave it.

Tell me who was behind the attack.

The k*ller was...

He can show off his k*ller
dance moves to the "Macarena" later.

First, we must bandage him up.

This is not done.

Are you out of your mind?

His k*ller was Malik Siddique.

Malik Siddique.

But revenge...

is necessary.

Grandpa! Where is Grandpa?

Grandpa.

-Grandpa.
-What is wrong?

Sorry. Are your hands clean?

They are so far.

Grandpa.

I know who k*lled your son
and my father.

He is none other
than Malik Siddique.

I am going...

to get vengeance.

Jazak Allah.

Thank you for what?

-Goodbye.
-Stop. Stop.

Sadiq, stop!

Good God.

Who will tell this boy

that the father
he's trying to avenge

isn't his father at all?

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪