01x01 - Jaanta Hai Mera Baap Kaun Hai?

[bunniefuu]

Oh, why did you stop the car?

Do you know whose car this is?

He sees everything.

You wear a watch around your wrist,

but time is his sl*ve.

He's an enigma to you,

but you're an open book to him.

Bro!

It's his entry.

What's the problem,
Mr. Choutala?

No.

-Ahlawat.
-No...

Puniya?

Tiwari?

Devgan?

Samji? Kemmu?

Nanavati? Daggubati?

Eeshwar?

Grover?

Grover it is.

Surprised how I know.

It's okay.

Still couldn't fulfil your dreams
of getting promoted

from constable to inspector?

Constable?

I am not even with them.

I was out grazing my goats

and was curious to know
what was going on here.

Goats?

Anyway...

I may have missed
giving your introduction,

but I won't make the same mistake
in my case.

'Cause you see...

be it clothes or name,

it must be a brand.

Do you know who my father is?

This interesting guy

has been bragging about
his father's stories since 1995.

Good morning, sir!

Good morning. Sit down.

Sahil Trivedi.

In the mood for some mischief?

Why did you sit down?

Keep standing.

Here's a question for you.

What's the difference
between studying for one hour

and not studying for one hour?

Absolutely nothing, sir.

Recite an essay on "my father."

Speak up.
What's wrong?

I prepared an essay
on my true friend.

I have an idea.
Just say what you prepared

and swap "friend" with "father."

Sahil.

What's wrong? Begin.

Quickly.

My fri...

My father.

I have many fathers.

What are you saying?

Thanks to my mother,

I can easily make new fathers.

Are you out of your mind?

I have a father in every other home
in my neighbourhood.

My mother says

fathers can be of all ages.

And so,
the neighbourhood guard,

milkman, garbage collector

and newspaper guy
are all my fathers.

Poor guy didn't know

that this essay

will someday become his reality.

Generally, one father
can have several children.

But he was the first child
in history

who was going to have
several fathers.

And this bitter truth

will come as nothing short
of a shock for him.

Do you know why?

Because his favourite dialogue
has always been...

See for yourself.

Listen, principal sir.

Don't you know who my father is?

MP Brij Kishore Trivedi.

Keep that in mind.

See you, poor people.

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

♪ Who is my pop? ♪

♪ Who is my daddy? ♪

Tittu, did you complete the homework
I gave you yesterday?

Yes.

Okay, Tittu. Recite ABC.

-"ABC."
-What else?

Well... it's all good.
How about you?

Rani ma'am,
how's my grandson in academics?

Sorry to say, sir.

He's a complete zero in academics.

To put it simply,

Aryabhata found zero for him.

I am very funny.

Listen, I just got a call.

Rani's mother just passed away.

-What?
-Yes.

My mother!

Too good. Just too good.

That's a relief to my soul.

What behaviour is this?

-Is he out of his mind?
-Calm down, teacher, calm down.

You are new around here.
You don't know.

Let me explain.

He got hit on the head
in an accident.

Since then, Father reacts
10 seconds late.

You just cracked that joke

-about Aryabhata.
-Yes.

-This was his reaction to that.
-I see.

And now?

-Now he's--
-Sorry, madam.

There's been
a slight misunderstanding.

It's the maid's mother
who passed away.

Why, you...

-Thank God.
-I got so scared, you know.

Ms. Rani...

it's so terrible.

I was devastated to hear the news.

You must be brave.

-Everyone has to die one day.
-Yes.

It's a very odd condition.

Imagine if he dies,

will he realise 10 seconds later
that he's dead?

Father.

There was another teacher
who used to tutor Tittu.

Where is she?

Sahil is mine.

I hate kids.

But I love Sahil.

Lost my job, lost my girl,

but I cannot let go of this edge.

I cannot. I cannot.

I cannot!

What do you mean you cannot?

You can.

Understand?

Why are you so negative?

-What is your name?
-Naushad.

First things first,
we have got to change your name.

Your name will be Yes-shad.

Say it.

-Yes-shad.
-Good.

So, Yes-shad, do you want to die?

Yes.

Then no power in the world
can stop you from dying, my friend.

Anyway, life is short,

and you are living in overtime.

Come on. Close your eyes

and jump without a care
in the world.

Take a deep breath and jump.

Jump. You can do it.

See, it's also written
on that board. "Yes."

That's a sign. Come on, do it.

Yes. Yes. Jump. Jump.

Come on, Yes-shad, you can do it.

Jump, jump, yes, jump.

Jump, jump, yes...

Stop!

What are you doing, Pihu?
Are you out of your mind?

Giving him some motivation.

You are supposed to motivate them
to live, not die.

Sorry, sorry.

You know I get carried away
with my motivational speeches.

-Sorry.
-Okay.

What sorry?

It's a good thing I arrived
in the nick of time.

Come on.

Why do you feel so light?

Did anyone lose a shoe?

Hurry up. I am stressed.

Sharma, are my fritters ready?

Yes. They are ready.
Do you need a bag?

No, I have a pen drive.
Make a folder,

and copy your fritters on it.

Of course, I need a bag,
and hurry up.

-Yes, of course.
-They taste amazing.

Here.

Hold this.

Thank you. Let's go.

-My money?
-There you go.

-A shoe?
-Pihu, I have a confession to make.

-Go ahead.
-You know,

every time I see you,

I fall deeper in love with you.

Aww...

But I have a question.

Why do they say
"falling in love"?

Because "arising in love"
would sound odd.

You have a point.

So, what was so important?

Yeah...

Listen, Popsi was talking to Grandpa
yesterday

about my marriage.

If you don't act fast,

someone else will swoop me away.

I can't act now, Pihu.

Elections are around the corner.

I'll be busy with Pops, you know.

Say "yes," Sahil.

You know I hate the word "no."

Okay, calm down.
Hold my arm,

and talk to your popsi.

And tell your father that his future
son-in-law is a very positive guy.

Sahil may have managed
to convince Pihu.

But the gravity of the situation
will set in

when you meet Pihu's father.

According to him,

even if a person has a name,

he's known by his father's.

Welcome, Malik Ashraf Siddique.

Sit.

A man must always use
his father's name

because the father plays
an important role in a man's wife.

Sir, you're mixing up words again.

You mean father plays
an important role in a man's "life."

It's "life" not "wife."

But we use life to slit throats.

That's "knife," sir.

"Knife" is when boys
and girls bump hands.

That's "high-five," sir.

Don't high-five
entertain in brothels?

What are you saying, sir?

That's "concubine," sir.

But I married a concubine.

She... was your "wife."

-My bad.
-Yes.

My bad, my bad, my bad.

Anyway, what can we do for you?

There's a bone stuck in my throat.

This is Brij.

Which bridge? Howrah?

Give his proper introduction.

Brij Kishore Trivedi.

He is a politician.

And my arch-enemy.

So, Malik, you wanted to talk?

Aadmi sniffed out
what you were up to.

Who?

His name is Aadmi.
(aadmi = man)

You are paying money to my men

and luring them over to your side.

I don't play games like you.

I blow my competition away!

Hey!

How dare you?

How dare you
intimidate my father?

Those who raise their voice
in front of my father will...

So, I came to hire you
to k*ll Brij Kishore.

(chanting in Sanskrit)

God bless you.

-The car has been blessed.
-Thank you very much.

Mr. Chaupala.

Greetings, Mr. Chaupala.

God bless you, pandit.

Bro, what's wrong with uncle?

Him.

He was a dreaded don of his time.

One day he went to
the toilet with his g*n.

After he finished his business,

when he went to clean up,

instead of the jet spray, he...

4G, let's go.

Okay.

Come on.

I couldn't control
my laughter anymore.

Did you see him?

Seemed like someone asked him
to smile for a picture.

The photographer left
and he froze in this expression.

I was confused
between father and son.

And uncle seemed like
someone screamed "statue!"

And the father...

Sir, sir...

Let go of my hand.

Let it go, sir. It's wrong.

Let it be.

We're outside the temple.
It's a sin here. Please.

-Yes.
-Fine.

It's okay.

Find out who those scoundrels are.

We'll deal with them later.

No, no, he always mixes up
his words.

He means we'll distribute
the meals later.

Popsi, I already know a boy.

What is his father's name?

Yeah...

Brij Kishore Trivedi.

-Him?
-Yes.

Do you know him?

I love you, my child!

You know what,

go meet up with the boy.

Sing songs, go on dates,
do whatever you like.

-Go on.
-Love you, Popsi.

Go on.

Look at this.
We are screwed.

Is Brij Kishore's k*ller on his way?

He's already on his way.

Bro, his car is approaching.

We'll run him off the road.

Thank you, sir, for dropping me off.

Forget it. Keep going.

Pick up.

Hello? Pick up, you fool!

-Pick up. Pick up.
-What's wrong?

He isn't picking up, sir.

If he doesn't pick up,
I will k*ll you.

Grandpa, you're not ticklish at all.

Stop, stop!

Stop, stop...

What happened, sir?

Not you, I was talking to him.
He's tickling me.

-You fool! He's safe.
-Why, you...

He's safe, sir. He's safe.

We are safe too.

Hello, Sahil.

Pops.

I'm planning another celebration
before celebrating your victory.

You know girls are crazy about me.

I am thinking about
making one of them lucky.

Her name is Pihu.

We have to go meet her parents.

Great. That's a good thing.

If you like her,
then let's go meet her tomorrow.

I am Kanta, sister of Shantaram.

He slipped and fell into a well.

And I realised
that I am the perfect candidate

to deep clean, sweep
and swab this luxurious property.

Mister, I need this job.

I have little children.

Can I?

Sahil will join us
after he's parked the car.

You have a splendid house.

Mr. KBC...

Hello?

I think he doesn't like us.

That's a good thing.
End of this relationship.

Yes, let's go.

Very glad to meet you.

Very glad.

Sahil was absolutely right
about Pihu.

You have a very beautiful daughter.

Not like you.

Don't be confused.

She will look exactly like me
with a moustache.

Look, Sahil is here.

Hello. Hello.

Uncle...

we met at the temple.

Seemed like someone asked him
to smile for a picture.

The photographer left
and he froze in this expression.

Smile, please.

That's what you said
about my father.

-Is he your boyfriend?
-Yes.

Okay, guys.
This relationship is cancelled.

-What?
-Yes, cancelled.

"Will look exactly like you
with a moustache."

-I just love that.
-Hold on a minute, man.

Popsi, what's wrong with Sahil?

-What has he done?
-Ask him what he has done.

He was making fun of my father.

Weren't you?

Look, uncle.
I know I made a mistake.

I beg you
and your father for forgiveness.

Really?

Well, I will forgive you.

But here's an idea.

Apologise to my father.

If he forgives you,

then your wedding is fixed.

Of course.

But how will I know
if he's forgiven me?

Popsi, this is not fair.

How is it not fair?

He said it himself

that he will apologise to my father.

So, let him apologise.

If my father forgives him,

you two can get married.
Come on.

-Go on. Go on.
-I will. I will.

Mr. Chaupala... Grandpa.

I know I made a huge mistake.

I unknowingly made fun of you.

But please
find the heart to forgive me

so that I can marry Pihu.

Give us a sign
so they know you forgave me.

Anything.

Even a small one...

Anything at all, Grandpa.

Got it! I got it!

I got a sign from him.

I got it.

That gust of wind
has brought good news.

Grandpa has forgiven me.

Grandpa has forgiven me.

-How do you know?
-How do you think I know?

The whole of Delhi knows by now.

Grandpa had radish for breakfast,
didn't he?

Even a COVID patient
could have smelled that.

-You don't believe me?
-No.

-Come, smell it yourself.
-No, no, I agree! I agree!

How can you agree?

This is cheating.

This is cheating.
It's cheating. No, no!

Look, you are wise.

Focus on the mango
and not the seed.

I mean, focus on the father,
not the son.

For this father's sake,

please say yes.

Okay.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Let's prepare for the engagement.

Congratulations.

God bless you.

Music!

♪ Can't stop dancing
When the beat kicks in ♪

♪ Can't stop dancing
When the beat kicks in ♪

♪ With your moves... ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Let's get drunk ♪

♪ And celebrate
This beautiful friendship ♪

♪ Let's get drunk ♪

♪ And celebrate
This beautiful friendship ♪

♪ Let's dance the night away today ♪

♪ With your moves... ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

♪ Rock the floor with your moves ♪

Hey, wait a minute.

Pop... Pop!

Stop the music!

Stop the music!

Pops! Call someone!

Waiter!

Not the waiter, you fool.

Call an ambulance.

Ambulance!

Pops, hold on.

The ambulance has arrived.

Are you guys high?

Over here.

What do you think you're doing?

Lay a finger on my father
and you will regret it!

Take him away.

Quickly.

Everything will be all right.

Doctor.

You are too late.
I am sorry.

No, no, this is not possible.

Pops cannot leave us.

Oh, no!
Your father is absolutely fine.

We were giving a 70% discount
until yesterday

to our prime members
for a heart attack.

You would have benefitted

if he had had
a heart attack yesterday.

So, you are late.

You missed it, bro.

-Why, you bloody--
-No, no, brother!

Let's go see Pops.

Why, you...

Sorry, Papa.

We mistook your heart attack
for dance.

It's okay.

Now, listen to me.

You have to complete

all the pre-wedding rituals
and ceremonies.

-Hello, Brij Kishore.
-Hello, sir.

Hello, Sahil.

Hello, Balwan.

Sahil, I just spoke with the doctor.

The senior leaders of the party
have decided

to give Brij Kishore some rest.

So, one of you must be the candidate

in the upcoming elections.

The party has taken
the right decision.

My son will be a candidate
in the elections.

And I request the party

to let my son...

Sahil take my place
in the elections.

Me?

-Sahil.
-Thank you, Pops.

What bullshit is this?

Brother, what are you saying?

It's Pops. Show some respect.

Respect.

Respect. Right.

You are right.

-I'll show him respect.
-Yes.

Please shut up!

-Please shut up!
-Balwan--

Since childhood...

you have given all my things to him,
but did I object?

But now...

-Move. Move.
-Yes. This.

He has always pushed me aside.

Sidelined me.

You gave him my share of clothes,
toys and love.

But did I object? No.

But now...

Look down. Look down.

I have always been looked down upon
all my life.

I never looked you in the eye,
but now...

Lift your leg.

-Lift your leg!
-I won't. I won't.

I fed you these apples, pears,

and took care of you.

But now...

Balwan, what is this?

Have you lost your mind?

Let me explain to you, son.

Let me explain.

The election ticket
should be offered

to his real son, right?

-Balwan!
-I am going to say it, Father.

Listen to me carefully.

You were lied to, boy.

You have been lied to all your life.

The truth is you are... not his son!

Not his son!

Not his son!

Not his son!

Do you know who my pop is?

Do you know who my pop is?

Do you know who my pop is?

It's terrible what happened to you.

Well, I am going to make you
mix up words today.

Say "pencil."

Pencil.

This wedding is cancelled.

Popsi, why are you doing this?

I am doing the right thing.

A man is known by his father's seed,

not his deeds.

A surname is important.

This is not done, uncle.

Tell him, Pihu.
What's in a name?

My childhood friend is named Khushi,

but I have never seen her happy.

The other is Pratham,

who has never come first
in anything in life.

The third one is Aakash,

but he lives on the ground floor.

And not just them.
That opposition leader, Malik,

his dog's name means "man."

Listen to me.

I fixed my daughter's wedding
with you,

because you were
Brij Kishore Bhawani Trivedi's son.

You are no more "Bhawani Trivedi."

So you're not even worth
a penny now.

Popsi, but we love each other.

Listen to me, girl!

Remember to keep your hands away.

And listen.

If you want to marry my daughter,

then go find who that cad is.

You mean "dad."

-That's when you smack someone.
-That's "slap."

-That's what singers do.
-That's "sing."

-It's what tailors do.
-That's "sew."

That's a mother's husband.

That's "dad!"

Okay, my bad.

Listen, boy.

If you want to marry my daughter,

go find out...

who your dad is.

Yes!