01x02 - Mind Control

[bunniefuu]

["Also sprach Zarathustra" playing]

[announcer on TV]

This is the story

of mind control.

Some of those engaged in that search

have agreed to talk

about it for the first time.

[narrator on TV]

You succeed

and survive if you accept the program.

If you don't, there are punishments.

[man] You are manipulating children.

Well, you are certainly having an effect.

You are changing their behavior.

[all] No.

No.

It's a tough program.

Yes, it is.

It's also a controversial program.

[Katherine]

The seminars

were the worst part of the program.

They used time-tested

brainwashing techniques to control us.

To be honest,

I blocked out a lot about the seminars.

But there are a few things

I'll never forget.

Like having to crawl around

on the floor like a baby for an hour.

And the towels wrapped in duct tape.

Since we couldn't get out by force,

this was our only option.

Surrender, stop fighting.

Give in to the program.

[epic music building]

[music fading]

[Katherine singing

"Also sprach Zarathustra"]

[Katherine]

That song,

the one from

2001: A Space Odyssey,

was used repeatedly in the seminars.

The day-to-day life

at Ivy Ridge was bad enough.

But once every six weeks,

we were required to participate

in these pseudo-psychological,

emotionally a*usive

,

and humiliating seminars.

Seminars are two-to-four-day events

that happen about every four to six weeks

at every one of the WWASP programs.

And you have to get through one

to get to the next one.

So it's the backbone of the whole program.

[Katherine]

In order

to graduate the program,

you had to complete the seminars,

and there were a lot.

Completing the seminars

meant not questioning their ideology

and conforming

to the groupthink of the program.

Where the seminars were very,

very effective

is that they use physiological experiences

to manipulate the mind

and manipulate thought processes.

So, for instance, all of a sudden,

we become food deprived,

and we become sleep-deprived.

Not just sleep-deprived,

but time-deprived,

because these windows

weren't open in seminars.

We didn't know what time of the day it was

whenever we were in the seminar room.

For all we knew,

we were in here for two hours,

or we were in here for 20.

In addition to that, every single seminar

involved some type

of physical exertion component.

[Katherine] Oh my gosh. These.

Okay.

So, this…

This is a towel wrapped in duct tape.

They had us sit on the floor.

And they were like, "Okay."

"Now, I want you to start hitting

the floor as hard as you can and scream."

It was an hour of doing this,

and if you stopped, they would call it,

"You chose out of the seminar."

You'd get kicked out of the seminar.

So, when you choose out of seminar,

they send you

to a new seminar called "breakpoint."

And the reason

that it's called "breakpoint"

is because it's meant to break you.

Alexa and I went

to one particular breakpoint, um,

and this was an all-day event

with only one activity for the entire day.

We sat here

and just repeated the same thing

over and over and over again

until we finally just disassociated

and left our bodies and--

-And broke.

-And broke. Yeah, breakpoint.

-We reached the breaking point.

-So if you'd like to see that…

-[Katherine] What was it like? Do it!

-Okay.

[both] Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

Palms up, palms down,

palms together, palms apart.

-[Allison laughing] Okay.

-Yeah, it's…

[Allison] I gotta throw a chair.

[laughing]

Literally, I am feeling

a certain way in my body right now.

[Katherine] And that was only a minute.

-Was that only a minute?

-[Katherine] How long did you do it for?

-About eight hours.

-At least. Uninterrupted.

Yeah.

[Janja] Different programs

are gonna try different techniques.

And by sort of inventing these things

for people to do

that sometimes are completely ridiculous,

they're getting you to give up yourself,

give up your individualism.

It's part of

this thought-stopping process.

[Katherine]

The seminars at Ivy Ridge

were modeled after self-help workshops

known as LGATs,

or large group awareness trainings.

[man on TV]

The micro lab

has now been together five hours.

They've told each other secrets,

shared fears and dreams.

[Katherine]

These types

of workshops became popular

during the human potential movement

in the '60s.

[Janja] You had groups

like EST and Lifespring.

They were just springing up all over.

And they use

what we call "high-arousal techniques."

[man on TV]

Psychologically,

the breather achieves

an altered state of consciousness.

The experience may be pleasurable

or extremely painful.

[whimpering]

[Katherine]

They consist

of unconventional activities

that are meant to increase self-awareness

to bring about a desired change.

[Maia] If you put people

through a intense emotional experience,

you can make them believe

that they changed their lives.

By the time

this physical exertion is done,

it feels like I beat this part out of me,

and now I feel clean.

Instead of, "Wait.

I was just crazy manipulated

into exerting myself so intensely

because I was just being told to."

[Diana] Keep it on "Cristofori's Dream."

It's more f*cked up.

["Cristofori's Dream" playing]

-[Allison] Oh God!

-[Dominick] Oh my God!

[Katherine]

In the seminars,

they would play

all sorts of meditative music

and guide us into a trance-like state.

["Cristofori's Dream" continues]

They would know

so many personal details about your life,

and that's what they would use

to break you.

They knew my mom died

a week before I turned two.

And they're like, "Yell at your mom."

"Pretend the floor is your mom

and tell her how mad you are

she abandoned you, that she died."

And I'm like, "She died of cancer!

She didn't… It wasn't her fault."

[Diana] Some of the stuff they did to me

that I think was the worst was telling me

that I needed to be accountable

for my dad dying.

And my father died in a car accident

when I was a toddler.

We rolled numerous times

and landed upside down.

Like, it was horrific.

The car accident should be

the worst thing that ever happened to me.

It was being at Ivy Ridge.

It was the worst thing

that ever happened to me.

-Worse than your dad dying?

-Mm-hmm.

Seeing him die too, which was really hard.

-But, um…

-[pensive music playing]

Yeah, I just think

being here was way worse.

Because they made me relive it.

They were like,

"The world would've been a better place

if you had died in that car accident

and not your father."

I actually have an essay

where they made me write,

"It is my fault."

It was really hurtful

to write those words.

They had a name tag for me,

and it just said, "Mistake."

'Cause it was a mistake

I lived and my dad died.

So no one could call me by my name.

They had to call me "The Mistake."

[pensive music continues]

It taught us

how to destroy people with words.

It's horrible, and our only form

of nonverbal communication

is an insult, right? "Victim."

And not victims like, "Oh my gosh.

You're a victim of a horrible act."

But like, "Victim." You know?

"You're playing the victim."

It's a shameful thing. It's an insult.

That's where it's like,

"Okay, they're breaking you down."

[Katherine] Oh sh*t. Is this…

-This is the makeup for… Okay.

-[Alexa] Oh wow.

[Katherine] You'd have to do

these performances based on, like,

how they're trying

to psychologically t*rture you.

'Cause the whole point

of these seminars is public humiliation.

That's how you really break people down.

They issue you a song

to perform in front of everyone

in this vulnerable way

that usually involved cross-dressing.

And mine was Right Said Fred's,

"I'm Too Sexy,"

where I wore a red dress.

Pranced around in this cult-like circle.

[Katherine] They ruined

so many good songs.

Cyndi Lauper

and "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."

Now you can never listen to those songs

again without thinking of the seminar.

The seminars were to break you down

so that they could build you back up

in the image of the program.

It is behavior modification.

It is literal brainwashing.

It is coercive persuasion.

[all screaming]

[Alexa and Allison] Palms up, palms down,

palms together…

Everybody's screaming.

I need to be involved in the screaming.

Knuckles would be ripped open,

and their hands would be bleeding.

What the f*ck is going on in there?

Sensory deprivation, food deprivation,

sleep deprivation, public humiliation.

Because you are worthless,

because you are a liar, you are deceitful.

Let's amp it up!

Tell me your deepest darkest secrets!

It's gonna change your life.

[Alexa] You are at fault.

You are to blame.

Anything that has ever happened to you

is your fault.

You're weak. You're pathetic.

You're a victim.

And the only way you can take control

of your life and be accountable

is through the program.

[Alexa and Allison] …palms together,

palms apart.

[Katherine]

The program's cruel tactics

make a lot more sense

when you realize

that they stem from an a*usive cult.

The troubled teen industry

began with Synanon,

which was a cult

that started in Santa Monica in 1958

by Charles E. Dederich.

[Maia] He got involved

with Alcoholics Anonymous.

And he thought

that AA was not tough enough,

that what we should do

is take the principles and the steps

and impose them on people.

[Katherine]

He created a residential

treatment community of heroin addicts,

in which he pioneered

harsh behavior modification tactics

known as "attack therapy."

[Maia]

You would basically

find somebody's weak points,

zero in on them, and attack them.

[man] How many fights have you had?

You've had none! You've had none!

[Maia]

This could go on for 24 hours,

even longer.

And people would just whale on people

till they'd be completely broken.

[man crying] Y'all happy?

[Maia]

The more anxious you become,

the less clear your thinking is,

and you become vulnerable

to being influenced by the leaders

into adopting their ideology.

[Katherine]

Once Synanon was disbanded,

its members went on to create

other programs modeled after Synanon

but serving troubled teenagers.

[man on TV]

These teenagers

are the raw material

of a growing industry

that treats troubled kids.

[Katherine]

Nancy Reagan

popularized these programs

with her "Just Say No" campaign

in the w*r on drugs.

[Nancy] There is nothing

as awful for a parent

as having something happen to their child.

[Katherine]

She even brought

Princess Diana to a program

in one of her US visits.

[Maia]

In the '80s and '90s,

parents were told

tough love was the only way to go.

[woman on TV] I'm really disgusted

with you.

You're really selfish and arrogant.

That's how I feel about you.

-I love you.

-I love you, Mom.

[Maia]

Humiliation and emotional attacks

put people off balance.

And they use that to create compliance.

[man on TV]

If you break one of the rules,

or your attitude isn't right,

you get yelled at.

[yelling] You don't even

have enough self-esteem, okay?

That all depends…

[Janja] They're tearing apart

your self-esteem

and tearing apart your trust in yourself.

And, eventually, tearing apart yourself.

[man] Everybody went around

and told you, in so many words,

they think you suck as a person.

And that if they had their way,

they'd cut your throat

and relieve the human race

of having to deal

with an ingrate like you.

[Maia]

You could do a chart

and trace the influence

throughout the troubled teen industry.

Every program is based on Synanon

or based on something

that was based on Synanon.

[Molly] Oh yeah, right?

[Katherine] Molly, what correction

did you get for tripping over me?

[Molly] Unauthorized communication.

'Cause we laughed.

-Two times.

-No, you tripped over me.

-I tripped over you? That makes sense.

-You tripped over me.

[Alexa] But yeah, this.

[Katherine]

Molly was one

of my best friends in the program.

We'd always get in trouble for that.

You weren't allowed

to have friends in the program.

Molly had never touched drugs

or alcohol and was a straight A student.

But her little brother

had been sent to Majestic Ranch,

another WWASP program that

targeted kids as young as seven years old.

Her parents loved the program so much

that they decided to send Molly

and her brother to Ivy Ridge,

because they thought

it would bring the family closer together.

Molly was in my "family,"

which was basically a small class

we were divided into.

Each family was given a different name.

Faith, Hope, Valiant.

My family name was "Congeniality."

Every weekday, we would sit

in a circle with our families

and give each other feedback

in this thing called "group."

[Katherine] After I shared, I'm like,

"I had a hard time this week."

"I was just transported by two strangers

who kidnapped me

and brought me here to this place."

"I don't know where I am.

I can't talk to my sisters."

"I don't know where my dad…

What is happening? What is this place?"

"How long am I gonna be here?

Blah, blah, blah."

And then I would get feedback.

Who wants to give me feedback

based on my share? Alexa.

-Katherine, are you open for feedback?

-Yes.

Katherine, my experience of you

is that you're acting like a victim.

My encouragement for you

is to do some deep soul-searching

because clearly, again, you are doing

some very nonworking behavior.

You're not gonna be able to go home,

and your parents won't want you home

until you start owning your greatness

and get out of your image.

-[Allison laughing] Ooh!

-Great jargon!

This was daily life in the program.

This was every day.

And this was the only time

we were allowed to talk

and communicate with our family rep.

And our family rep was

our only communication and lifeline

to the outside world,

to our parents, and to our family.

[Katherine]

Family reps would monitor

all of our letters

and phone calls to our parents.

And if we said anything negative

about the program, we'd get a correction.

They would have

weekly phone calls with our parents

where they'd reassure 'em that keeping us

in the program was the best thing for us.

[Molly] Our families, our parents

accepted them in our place.

They trusted them

over our letters, over our words.

[Katherine] The most illuminating thing

we found in the files

were the family rep talking points.

[Katherine]

Family reps

were given talking points

for how to address abuse allegations.

"They are not credible."

"We do not use 'isolation.'"

"We do no 'brainwashing.'"

"We will only believe half

of what they say about their parents

if they only believe

half of what they say about us."

We thought they were here to help us.

But then you just start realizing

the family rep

doesn't give a sh*t about you.

And as we found in the files,

family reps are literally incentivized

to keep you here longer.

So, no,

they're not gonna help you get home.

Their whole job

was to sell the program to parents.

If your family rep didn't like you,

it was like…

you weren't going anywhere

in the program, ever.

[Alexa] Our family rep,

when I first came to the facility,

she gets my file, my intake file,

which is essentially the form

that your parents fill out about

"This is why we are sending Alexa here."

And then in the intake file as well

is your pregnancy test and your drug test.

She told me that my drug test

"lit up like a Christmas tree."

And I was like, "Is this a f*cking joke?"

I'd never done drugs!

But I had no way to refute it.

I had no way to refute it.

How am I supposed to prove to you

that it didn't?

But then after a while,

like, hearing from my parents,

things coming from the facilitators,

my peers around me,

"You need to talk more about drugs."

And, like, "Until you're able

to take accountability for your actions,

until you stop playing the victim,

you are never gonna progress

in your program."

[chuckling] So it's like,

"Okay, for me to go home,

let me start talking about drugs, right?"

So then in group, I'm like,

"Yeah, you know, I was doing drugs, and…"

"I don't know, I guess

I was smoking crack or something."

So then I start making up

these stories to be like,

"See? I'm working the program."

[Maia] Teenagers, especially, are really

vulnerable to making false confessions.

And the way to create them

is to just push, and push, and push,

then say,

"We'll let you go if you confess."

[reporter on TV]

The confessions pour out.

[woman crying] I wanted to feel better,

but I didn't want to stop using drugs.

[Maia] They would say

they had prostituted themselves for drugs.

How they'd had sex with dogs.

How they'd shot up in their eyeballs.

But most of them

had never even seen a needle.

But if they didn't tell horrific tales

about their drug abuse,

they wouldn't be believed.

And they wouldn't be able to advance

to the next phase of the program.

[Alexa] I had never done drugs

in my entire life,

but in order for me

to graduate the program,

I had to confess to using heroin,

crack, you know, cocaine, LSD, PCP.

And it kept growing,

and growing, and growing.

The drugs I've done are pot,

alcohol, speed, cocaine,

prescriptions, over-the-counters,

PCP, LSD, THC, uh, mushrooms, hash…

By getting people to confess things,

sometimes true, sometimes made up,

you end up having collateral

that can be used against them

in many different ways.

[Katherine]

NXIVM does it.

Scientology does it.

The moment you walk in a Church

of Scientology, they have folders on you.

Everything you've ever said

is written down and videotaped.

[Katherine]

It's, "What do we know

about you that we can use against you?"

[Alexa] And then you're given a nickname

by the facilitators.

So for me, it was "Crack wh*re."

And you have to talk about,

"I'm a crack wh*re."

And, "I was sucking d*ck for crack."

Since day one of the program,

I have been labeled

as somebody who I wasn't.

So, my only goal was if there was any way

for me to retrieve this drug test,

that's all I wanted.

Because it would prove to my parents that

I was telling the truth the entire time,

and we could finally move on

from this terrible chapter

that has eaten up so much of my life.

And so somebody found my file,

and then she mailed it to me.

And so I open up this package,

and the first thing

that's on top of my file is my drug test.

And in all caps, circled, is "negative."

That b*tch lied.

Like, that b*tch lied.

And that lie is so f*cking deep

that even being presented

with the evidence of my drug test,

my parents still believe the program.

[somber music playing]

[Katherine]

We decided

to leave a copy of Alexa's drug test

in her family rep's mailbox

while we were in town.

Whoo!

I'm… I'm so curious

if she's actually gonna contact me.

[Katherine]

When we were at Ivy Ridge,

the first time we got to see our parents

was at a seminar called "PC-1,

"

or "Parent Child 1."

By the time I made it to PC-1,

I hadn't seen my dad in six months.

They say, "Your parents are inside.

When you go inside,

your parents are gonna be standing

in a circle with their eyes closed."

Like, "Find your parents,

and go up and stand in front of them,

but you have to be

outside of arm's reach."

"If they put their arms out,

they shouldn't be able to touch you."

And so, we all run in,

and I just see my dad

and stepmother holding hands with this…

Like, all these people in a circle

with their eyes closed,

in this guided meditation.

And I was, like,

so excited to see my dad again.

But I had to just stand there

in front of him,

not being able to touch him.

And they're like, "Reach out."

"Keep your eyes closed,

but reach out your arm."

They're like,

"You can't touch 'em, can you?"

"Isn't that how out of reach

they felt at home?"

"You just couldn't get them."

And I'm standing there,

my dad's reaching out,

and I just want to hug my dad.

[voice breaking] So,

you're just standing there, crying.

I remember, like,

finally seeing my parents and being like,

"They look just like the picture."

[laughing] 'Cause I felt like…

[crying] I really felt like

I didn't know them anymore.

And I'm like,

"They look so pretty in real life."

Like, "They're so crisp and real."

[Katherine]

At the end of PC-1,

they allowed siblings to visit,

but only for one hour.

My sister Julie came up for it.

Katherine was the one who got…

Here. Talk to her.

[Katherine]

If anyone could help me,

she would.

Julie flew all the way up

from DC to Syracuse,

rented a car from Syracuse,

drove two hours to see me

for that one hour in the seminar.

You ran up to me and hugged me

and looked so relieved that I was there.

And I was like…

I think, in that moment, I'm like, "Oh."

"I should have been more aware.

This seems bad."

I know, I should have whispered to you,

but we were so brainwashed and scared

that if we said anything

to try to manipulate,

I would have been sent back

to level one, zero points.

-[Julie] Mm-hmm.

-And having to be there longer.

So, they really instilled this fear

to just not say anything.

I didn't even realize it was only an hour

'cause I have such limited memories there.

I was just like, "I'm going to throw her

in the back of this Ford Taurus."

-[Katherine laughs] Drive away.

-"And drive away."

Yeah, it was like, for the longest time,

I could never tell the story of you coming

to visit me in the seminar without crying.

[voice breaking] I might even cry now

if I think about it,

'cause it just meant so much

to, like, see you.

[crying softly] And just, I, like…

"Get me outta here."

[crying softly] What do I do

to try to get you guys

to take me out of this place,

or realize how bad it was?

We didn't have a lot of contact with you.

And me, in particular,

because I was in a different country.

[Julie] I was just so in my own world,

freshman year of college,

and Jane called and was like,

"We're just gonna send her off

for a few months."

"She just needs to be scared a little."

"She won't be there long."

[laughs] But I was there very long.

Yeah. I don't know why.

It just didn't really click in

until I got up there.

[crying] The second day,

I stayed up late French braiding my hair,

'cause I'm like,

"I wanna look really pretty

so they'll want to take me home."

And I asked my mom

when I had a moment just her,

and I was like,

"Can you please take me home

before I graduate?"

"It doesn't have to be today,

but before I graduate?"

She's like,

"No, we're committed to graduation."

And I'm like, "Okay. I'm sorry I asked."

Like, "Please don't…"

In my head, I'm like,

"Please don't tell anyone I asked," like…

[Katherine]

Our parents were pressured

into writing commitment letters

upon admitting us into the program.

Family reps were instructed

to call parents every single day

to pressure them until they wrote it.

So parents were committing to the program

before they even fully understood

what it was.

Once we realized

our parents weren't gonna take us home,

our only other option

was to work the program.

Fake it till you make it.

There's a point where you're like,

"I'll do whatever you tell me to do."

"I'm just gonna be a robot,

and everything's gonna be fine."

"'Cause all I want to do

is never be in trouble again."

[Katherine]

And that meant

becoming an upper level.

[Allison] I don't think

we can stress enough that

the only people on the girls' side

that are real people are upper levels.

It's a completely different world!

-Lower levels and upper levels.

-[Alexa] Yes.

Once you get upper levels,

and you get that taste of normalcy,

of being able to talk

and wear your hair down.

[Alexa] Something happens.

Going back to lower… like, it's miserable.

[Katherine]

You'd also earn

an off grounds,

an unsupervised visit with your parents

where you were allowed

to leave the building,

as long as you stayed

within a two-hour radius of the facility

and returned promptly by 8:00 p.m.

Before you went,

you had to sign a contract agreeing

to certain rules for the off grounds.

But the number one rule

they drilled into our brain

was, "Don't ask to go home."

[Ken] There are Katherine

and Julie out on the point.

[Katherine]

It was exciting to be outside

in the real world and see my dad,

but I was terrified of making a mistake

that would send me

back to level one all over again.

My dad was like, "Why didn't you tell me

how bad it was on the off grounds?"

This was the contract they had me sign

before all the off grounds.

[Katherine]

Phil Elberg

was one of the first lawyers

to ever successfully sue

one of these programs.

And he's been a big advocate

for kids ever since then.

It just makes me sad.

It's sad.

[Ken] Julie and Katherine,

taking a little stroll.

This piece is the hardest thing

for parents to understand.

I've heard so many parents say,

"Well, why didn't my child tell me

when they came home,

when there was nobody

monitoring their conversation?"

And I remember one young woman telling me,

"It was easier to just try to do

what I had to do to finish."

I mean, that's just the nature

of being in a coercive atmosphere.

[Ken] Talk to the camera,

'cause there may be people back home

that would like you

to say something to them. Can you say--

Well, take me home,

and I'll say it to them in person.

-[Ken] Well, can you say hello to Rachel?

-Hi, Rachel.

[Ken] And tell her

how much you like it here.

I hate it here.

-[Ken] Oh, you do?

-Take me home.

[Katherine]

I took a big risk

by saying this.

I would've lost all my points

and started at level one all over again,

lost a year of progress.

But my stepmother wasn't within earshot,

so I took my chance.

I don't know, Dad. This is weird. Stop.

[dark music playing]

[Katherine] We are heading

to Katie's place.

We are going to go look at the files that…

…that Katie has been storing.

She has really been going down

her own rabbit hole.

[Katherine]

Katie was also

in my family at Ivy Ridge.

She was only 13 years old

when she was sent there.

She's been coordinating the effort

of returning files to people

who have been requesting them.

[Katherine] Oh my goodness.

So, is it both containers?

-[Katie] Yeah--

-How many files do you have?

[Katie] Probably

about a little over 1,700.

-[Katherine] Seventeen hundred?

-[Katie] Yeah.

I just kind of

went through them individually

and started alphabetizing them.

And then, from there,

I just started putting them in envelopes.

-This is the rest of it.

-[Katherine] This is overflow?

-[Katie] Yeah.

-[Katherine] Wow.

Wait, there's, like, literally so much!

[Katie] It was a long process

just organizing everything.

That probably took a good,

like, six months.

I mean, at one point,

this was all in my apartment.

What's this? Group notes?

Some of these are the dorm parent notes.

-[Katherine] Yeah. Dorm notes.

-[Katie] Yeah, the dorm parents.

[Molly] "How many

people got a bloody nose?"

Yeah, pretty much. "How many bottles of

water did Katherine drink today?"

-Seriously, they wanted to keep track of--

-They have that?

I don't know if it's yours specifically,

but they kept track of--

It would probably be, like, none

because the water there…

Remember, it was yellow

and smelled like toilet water?

And I think that's why I'm so dehydrated,

like, all the time now,

and why I got a kidney stone.

Same. I did not drink that water

unless it was a new bottle.

[Katherine] Oh my gosh,

this is a 12-year-old.

-What the f*ck?

-[Molly] Wow!

[Katherine] Okay, so this poor little

12-year-old has a very thick file.

Yeah, usually the thicker those files are,

the harder time the child had.

[pensive music playing]

[Katie] These people need to know

what happened to them wasn't their fault.

I want to say

it's like a weight lifted off.

For me, it definitely was.

Just to, like, prove you're not crazy.

Like, this did happen.

So a lot of people

are grateful to have that,

like, in writing, right in front of them.

[Katherine] To have the proof

and validation

of all the insane sh*t that went on there.

That's now, like, what I'm trying to do

is get all this evidence together

and present it to my dad.

I had cut off contact with my dad

when I first discovered

my files in the building.

I needed time to myself

to process everything,

and I'd never taken the time

to be properly angry at him

for the program.

At first, when I stopped talking to him,

I didn't know how long it was gonna be.

Then I was like, "You know what?

I'm gonna make it 15 months."

Because that's how long I was in there,

and I want him to feel what it's like

to just be suddenly cut off

from communication.

And I felt like a jerk

when it was his birthday.

But any time I felt bad,

I would just remember,

"Well, he kept me there for my birthday."

"He kept me there for Christmas,

birthdays, prom, all of this stuff."

And he never really apologized

or really understood what had happened.

And I think

that's the only thing that can happen

before healing can happen

is to get them

to understand what to be sorry for.

To understand what we went through,

and the hopelessness

and abandonment that we felt there,

and the psychological t*rture

that we went through.

So, I'm not really

looking forward to that.

So, if you have any files

that would help me be like…

[emphatically] "See, Dad?"

-You know? Like…

-[all laughing]

[Katherine]

After 15 months of no contact,

I decided to start communicating

with my dad again, but only in writing.

He'd have to earn his phone call.

But that didn't stop him

from leaving me a ton of voicemails.

[Ken on phone]

Hey, Katherine. It's Dad.

It'd be nice to be able to sit down

and have a long conversation with you

about this stuff,

so you could tell me at length

and we could hear each other.

[Katherine] My response was,

"I can empathize

with the frustration you must feel,

with just wanting to hop on the phone

to talk things through,

because that's how I felt

when I was in the program."

"But I was not able

to just pick up the phone."

"I'll talk to you when I'm ready,

but right now I'm in the thick of it,

of sorting through

all these files we found."

"It's a lot to process, and you still have

a lot of learning to do."

"Work your program."

[Cindy] There's no book on parenting,

so you just don't know.

Well, you blame yourself.

"What'd you do wrong? What…" You know.

I mean, she's 13,

and I would go to the school bus,

and she wouldn't be there.

I mean, that's just a horrible feeling.

Um, you know, "Where's your daughter?"

She didn't want to come home,

and it was scary.

And you just get to that point

where you just want to do anything

to help 'em.

So, they catch you

when you're very vulnerable,

and you make that phone call,

and then they ease your mind, and…

"This is the best place,

and we can help with this,

and we can help with that, and…"

[darkly intriguing music playing]

The people the program most wants

to influence is the parents, not the kids.

[Phil]

And so, the key

to understanding this industry

is to understand

the manipulation of the parents.

[Maia] When a child is acting out,

parents get terrified.

Our family was being ripped apart.

[Maia] And these programs

say to the parents,

"If you don't put your child

in our program, your child will die."

If we didn't do something soon,

he was going to die.

And there's gonna be a death.

There's gonna be something tragic happen.

[Phil] Then somebody comes along and says,

"I have the answer to all your questions."

"All the problems go away

by just buying into

what it is I'm selling."

[Janja] Parents get convinced

that this is the absolutely only thing

that's gonna help their kid.

[Phil] You think

about people that join cults.

It's people that are looking for

a simple solution to a difficult problem.

And so the kids weren't in the cult.

The parents were in the cult.

And they're probably gonna have someone,

in the community where your dad was,

who's got a kid at one of the facilities,

call your dad and recommend them.

How did so many members

of our, like, Evangelical community…

How did so many children

from this group end up there?

Alexa Brand's parents

referred multiple families to the program.

That was one of the big things

they tried to push about referrals.

If you got people,

you got, like, a free month, I think.

So that was a big deal.

Using the parents

as walking billboards, it was brilliant.

The next thing

the program convinces parents of

is, "Your kid's been able

to manipulate you,

and they're gonna try

to manipulate you now."

[Janja] They're told,

"Your kid's gonna call you

and tell you all this crap."

"Don't believe them.

Don't let them get out early."

And these desperate parents

go along with it.

"Any parents identified

as wavering on their commitment

will be called immediately by committee."

This is so culty.

This is like, "You cannot leave."

Alexa's parents would communicate

with family reps at the program

when Dad started bringing up

different red flags.

And so, literally,

the family reps there would fill out

a form called a "red flag report."

[Katherine]

I found a red flag report

about my dad

that included an email

from Alexa's mom that said,

"To hear him call Ivy Ridge a prison

is typical of

how he can fly off the handle at times."

"Jane is the more levelheaded of the two."

"Definitely sounds like

she and Ken are on different pages,

so the three of us are planning to meet

sometime next week to support her."

"The good news

is that Katherine's still at Ivy Ridge."

[Katherine] So, they would use the Brands

to then have a support group with them

and make 'em feel better.

They had this internal messaging board

for parents called the BBS,

where they would only let parents who were

supportive of the program post on it,

and they would monitor,

and so curate this perception

of what was going on there.

[Janja] As these things get said to them

over, and over, and over,

and they're in an environment

where everybody's saying yes,

and you've got somebody saying,

"This really helped my kid,"

and they all reinforce each other,

parents buy into it.

They get duped into it.

[Katherine]

Parents were put through

a series of seminars of their own,

designed to make them feel supported

and dedicated to keeping their kids

in the program.

[man] Pen test.

[Katherine]

These programs are

so secretive that it's almost impossible

to get footage

of what's really going on inside.

But I tried.

I was able to sneak into a WWASP seminar

for parents who currently had children

in the program.

The parents were standing around

in a circle,

holding hands in a guided meditation.

Similar to how my dad was

when I first saw him in PC-1.

They had the same stupid posters

on the walls with program jargon.

"There are no accidents."

"What you fear, you create."

[woman] Every time, I think.

[man] What are you…

Are you doing a seminar here too?

[Katherine] Oh no. I'm just here working.

How often are they?

[man] Once a month.

[Katherine] You've taken

this seminar how many times?

[man] This is my tenth in 13 months.

[Katherine] What's the goal

of the seminar?

[man] Whatever you get out of it

is the goal.

I don't know what issues you have,

but if there's something you want to heal…

It, uh… It's transformed my life.

I mean, it was helpful. There was

a lot of good learning from the seminars.

They really get you pumped up,

and they really wanted you

to get outside your comfort zone,

and I did.

I went against everything I believe in

and wore what they told me to wore.

[Katherine]

It was hard for me to imagine

my dogmatic, Evangelical dad

participating in the seminars.

Prancing around and cross-dressing

in front of a room full of people.

How could the seminars, which were

so psychologically damaging

and harmful for us kids,

have such a hold on our parents?

One, the parent seminars were

very different from the kid seminars.

And, two, parents could go home.

-[man 1] How you doin'?

-[man 2] Hey, guys.

We're gonna graduate at 5:45,

so if you want

to go get a bathroom, air, whatever,

be back here around 5:40

when they open the doors.

[Katherine]

This is David Gilcrease.

He's the guy that created

all of the seminars for WWASP.

Prior to that, he had been a facilitator

at Lifespring for ten years.

The facilitators were known

for being dictatorial

and outright mean toward participants.

-as*h*le!

-[crowd gasps]

You're all assholes, every one of you.

[Katherine]

He pretty much

copied everything from Lifespring

and repackaged it as seminars

for teenagers and their parents.

And the importance of program completion

was hammered

into their heads relentlessly.

If you leave the program

before you finish all seminars,

you are a half-baked cake.

You might look done on the outside,

but you're not finished in the middle.

You must complete the program.

[Cindy] When I look back on it now,

you can see things that happened, but…

You can see it now,

but you couldn't see it then.

I felt like I did everything.

We went up there. We saw the building.

We talked to people.

We personally dropped her off.

The grass was mowed.

The building looked nice.

And then they take you in a nice room,

and they're talking to you.

Which one of these rooms

does not belong, right?

[Katherine] Yeah, this office

is ridiculous. It's wood paneled.

[Alexa] Yup.

All the rest of the rooms

do not look like that,

but they were very careful.

Whenever parents came in,

they were only in this room.

[Alexa] Yup.

Jason's office. Wood paneling.

Could be prestigious, I don't know.

[Alexa] Yeah.

[Dominick] Basically, student council

gave the parents all this.

So they have you meet the parent in here.

Then as you come in, you're like, "Hi."

You put on the whole fake…

"Hi! How you doing?

It's so nice to meet you!"

You know, "I was really bad.

I was into gangs, but once I came here,

it opened my eyes,

and I saw something totally different."

And you had to put

that movement on 'cause it's like,

if you tell them no,

or, "I'm not doing a parent tour…"

If the parents said anything

negative about you, it's over.

Your program's over.

You start all over again.

[Cindy] I mean,

I asked questions, so if any…

if I would've thought

there were any red flags

of her being hurt or anything in any way,

I would've definitely went up and got her.

Seeing, kind of,

how they severely manipulated everybody,

I can understand…

I know that my parents

just wanted what was best for me.

But it… I mean, it sucks.

At the time, I definitely felt abandoned.

Like, I was scared.

I was sad.

I feel like…

could have had a closer relationship

if things went a different way.

If we could have figured things out

as a family,

instead of me just being isolated

from my family.

[voice breaking] And their life goes on,

and mine just, like,

came to an end for 19 months.

So…

[Cindy] Well, I mean, it wasn't meant to…

make you feel,

I mean, isolated, and that hurts.

[voice breaking] It just really hurts

to hear her story.

But I can't go back

and change it. [sniffs]

[softly] I'm sorry.

[Katherine]

The marketing photos

of Ivy Ridge did a good job

of convincing parents

that kids were having a good time

and let outside the building regularly

to do fun activities.

They called it "activities,"

but literally,

these were publicity stunts.

[Katherine]

In an attempt

to seem like a normal school,

they decided to host a dance

for levels three and up.

This was definitely a shock,

since normally, we weren't even allowed

to look at the boys.

They even put me, Molly, and Diana

on the cover

of the

Parent Support

newsletter.

This was the closest thing

we ever got to a prom,

and even it was a sham.

[Allison] It was for show.

It was like, "Look,

we have extracurricular activities."

"Here is our cheerleading squad."

As a student who had been locked

in a facility for 18 months, right,

you're excited

to just go pretend to be normal.

Deprive us of everything,

offer us something fun,

and it's like,

"We'll go with no question."

[Allison] And then you come back,

and it's this instant reminder

that you're not free.

You're not free at all.

[Katherine]

The person responsible

for the marketing photos was Tom Nichols.

Tom was the public relations coordinator

for Ivy Ridge.

He was a local politician they brought in

to put a positive spin on the program.

He even took upper levels door-to-door

after the riot

to reassure locals about Ivy Ridge.

Molly was one of the kids

he brought with him.

Turns out Tom is now a pastor

at a nearby church.

So we thought we'd stop by

to pay him a visit.

[Molly] Here we go.

[Katherine] Who'd have thought

we'd be doing a sting operation

on a local pastor?

[Alexa laughing]

I think about some of the efforts

being made today in different areas

to go after people…

wrongs that people think

need to be righted.

[Katherine] Hi, Tom. I'm Katherine Kubler.

Um, do you recognize any of us?

[Tom] Uh, no.

[Katherine] We all went

to Academy at Ivy Ridge.

-[Tom] No kidding!

-[Katherine] We did.

Does it kinda scare you that some

Ivy Ridge kids are coming back here?

[Tom] I expected it would happen someday.

-[Katherine] Really?

-Yeah.

[Katherine] Yeah. Everyone has

a judgement day, I guess, you know?

I've been working on a documentary

about Ivy Ridge for over a decade now.

As you know, you managed PR for Ivy Ridge.

[Tom] I was a PR coordinator.

What I offered that they didn't have

was a chance to get out of there

and do some fun things for a change.

[Katherine] So, do you feel like

the pictures you took

were representative

of what life was like at Ivy Ridge

for the kids that were there?

-[Tom] No.

-[Katherine] No, it wasn't?

[Tom] No.

[Katherine] How do you feel

about that now,

knowing that a lot of parents

were conned out of their money

to send their kids to a place

like Ivy Ridge, where they were abused?

[Tom] First of all, if this is gonna be

one of these ridiculous

60 Minutes

exposés,

frankly, I'm not interested

in being involved.

[Katherine] Okay. Bye, thanks.

Happy Sunday.

[door opens]

[Katherine sighs]

Tom, like a lot of staff at Ivy Ridge,

said he was just doing his job,

but that's how

institutionalized abuse works.

Everyone plays their part

in allowing it to happen.

Come on. Get in.

[Katherine]

It was those pictures

of Ivy Ridge

and the well-orchestrated PR campaign

that conned a lot of parents

and hurt a lot of kids.

[Maia] When somebody has been humiliated

and spent a lot of money for a treatment,

it's really embarrassing to say,

"I was a sucker."

It's really embarrassing to admit that,

and horrifying for a parent to admit

that they sent their kid somewhere

and hurt them.

For your dad, I mean,

it's probably difficult for him

to face the fact that he put you there.

If he hadn't done that,

you'd be a different person now.

And it's hard for people to accept that.

Yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely.

I feel like I've been going through

a years-long process

of trying to deprogram my dad.

Um, to try to get him

to even understand that this was a cult,

and that this was a scam,

and just to understand

the depths of the pain,

and hurt, and abuse that happened.

How…

Any tips on how I can deprogram my dad?

[laughing]

-[chuckling] For real! Like, he's still…

-Have him read…

[Katherine]

"Dear Katherine,

by now we've discussed

the program to the point of repetition."

"I can't really add much constructively

by writing more letters

and continuing to repeat myself."

If your dad is saying,

"Why are you still talking about this?"

he doesn't understand

the effect of that trauma on you.

[Katherine]

"You may feel the program has

been discussed to the point of repetition,

but you don't know the half of it."

"You don't have my lived experience

of being forced into

a psychological experiment

and being systematically brainwashed

during the formative years

of my brain development."

"So, no, I'm not done

talking about the program yet,

and I don't think I ever will be."

It's part of the processing

of that experience

and trying to understand,

"What the hell happened to me?"

[Alexa] This is gonna trip you out.

It literally looks

like

The Blair Witch Project.

-[Katherine] Oh sh*t!

-[Alexa] And it's both sides.

[Katherine] I remember…

Oh my gosh, I just feel…

-I feel nauseous for some reason.

-[Alexa] Look at all the hands.

-[Katherine] Oh my gosh.

-[Alexa] My hand's on here three times.

[Katherine] This is the culty part.

This is the, uh…

This is this wall

that all the upper levels signed.

[Alexa] Yeah, so that's me.

I remember after you made level four,

this was like the indoctrination.

Like, "You're in now."

-[Katherine] Yeah.

-You get to sign the wall.

[Katherine]

Alexa was the poster child

for the program.

[Katherine] Oh my gosh!

Here's Alexa on the float parade.

There's Alexa at the cookout.

[Katherine]

After all, if they could

reform this out-of-control crack wh*re,

think what they could do

for your troubled teen.

When I see kid me

in all of these promotional materials,

I hate that person. I hate that person.

I literally should have known better.

I think that's the thing I struggle with.

Like, "You are so f*cking stupid.

How did you not know?"

[Maia] One of the most pernicious things

about the way these programs work

is that in order to advance,

and in order to graduate the program,

you have to prove

that you have bought into the ideology.

And the best way you can prove that

is by being mean to the other kids.

You know, you've got upper-level students

acting as enforcers.

[gasps] Alexa's signature.

Yeah, I think she…

I think her name was on a lot of those.

[Maia] In order to save yourself,

you have to betray your friends.

We know from things

like Milgram's experiments

and the Stanford Prison Experiment

that people's character

is very much determined

by the situation

in which they find themselves.

Very good people

can be induced to do very bad things.

I found a document that I wrote

that kinda blew my mind

because I have no memory of it.

No memory of it. And I know for a fact

that it probably happened more than once.

But it was a statement of fact that

I wrote because I restrained somebody.

[Janja] By becoming an enforcer

and doing it to others,

that damages another part of yourself.

My first response was like, "I… I can't…"

"That's not something

that I can have in my brain now,

as far as, like,

'Man, I was actively hurting kids.'"

"Like, actively hurting kids as a kid."

And I'm 16 years old at that point.

And if I'm not assisting

with the restraint, that's my program.

[Janja] When you leave,

that carries a lot of shame and guilt.

I mean, that's the moral injury.

It's like, "Why in the hell

did I do that?"

What concerned me most about programs

like this wasn't the kids that got broken.

It was the kids who were successful.

[Alexa] Yeah, I think there's still

a lot of shame and embarrassment

when I see the pictures and stuff,

or when I know about stuff that I did,

because I'm just, like…

Yeah. I'm so ashamed of that person.

I saw how much the upper levels suffered.

I saw how painful it was.

You guys couldn't have

any loyalty to each other.

If you got close, you got torn apart.

I kept saying,

"This is a cult. This is brainwashing."

[Katherine] It was like,

"What is her deal?"

Yeah, it was really annoying to people,

I'm sure.

I wouldn't follow the rules.

I just wouldn't do it.

I was like, "I cannot be on upper levels."

"It's so wrong,

and I can't do that to someone."

I suffered here horrifically.

Physical abuse.

Every type of abuse you can think of.

But then when I got out,

I didn't have the…

I didn't have

to undo the brainwashing trauma.

Man, I will be damned…

I will be goddamned if I let anybody

have any type of influence over my life…

like, ever again.

[Katherine]

"Dear Dad and Jane,

I am not going to graduate the program."

"You don't want me home right now

because I am only a Level 3

and not a Level 6."

"You may be able to keep me here

until I'm 18,

but you can't make me graduate."

"That is the only thing that is up to me."

"Why am I doing this?

Because I hate you for not wanting me."

"To be nobody but yourself

in a world that's doing its best

to make you somebody else

is to fight the hardest battle

you are ever going to fight."

"Never stop fighting." E. E. Cummings.

["Girls Just Want to Have Fun"

by Frally playing]

Some boys take a beautiful girl ♪

And hide her away

From the rest of the world ♪

I want to be the one

To walk in the sun ♪

Girls, they want to have fun ♪

Oh, girls just want to have fun… ♪

[Allison] Okay,

everybody graduated at this table.

-Except Katherine.

-Except me. Sorry!

-You dropout. [laughing]

-I'm a dropout.

[Allison] But I have to stress,

to get to the end,

the games you had to play…

It was a crazy chess game, right?

And it was a popularity contest.

But more than that,

it was such a mind game.

And the only way to get to the top

is to play this high-stakes,

high-stress game

where winning is you get to win

your freakin' freedom back.

[somber music playing]

[cell phone vibrating]

[Alexa] Hi. This is Alexa. Who's this?

[caller on phone]

Did you leave

a paper in my mailbox?

[Alexa] I did.

[caller]

I never said

you were a crack wh*re.

What's going on? I don't get it.

No, you didn't say that in particular.

I was called that in seminars

because you told my parents

that I had been addicted to drugs.

And I found my drug test,

and it was negative.

[caller]

I don't remember

lying to your parents about that.

[Alexa] I remember.

[caller]

Okay.

So, where are we going with this?

Well, actually, I was curious

if you'd be willing to talk with me

about some of the things

that happened at Ivy Ridge.

[inaudible]

[caller]

What are we going to discuss?

You know, the sad part of this is

is that you girls have had nothing

but bad things to say about me.

And out of anybody,

I'll bet you I was one of the true people

that really f*cking loved you all

and cared about what happened to you.

If you really want to help the girls,

you'll help us now.

[caller]

But why…

Why did you wait that many years, then?

Because we finally have proof.

We have the documents. We have the emails.

We have security footage.

We have everything.

[caller]

I… I believe that…

Yeah, some of the sh*t they did…

was not nice.

Did you really believe in the program?

Did you really believe

that this was the best thing for kids?

[caller]

To be honest,

maybe I was a little brainwashed

that the program would be helpful

and to work and to keep you kids alive.

Would you talk to my parents?

[caller]

And tell them what?

That the entire program was a lie.

That they were duped. They were conned.

They were lied to.

That there were lies

told about their daughter

that has completely splintered

their family.

That you take accountability

for your participation in that.

That's what I want.

[caller]

I'm not taking accountability

for something that I do not believe I did.

Then you are not working your program

if you're not taking accountability,

and you're playing the victim.

And it's not about you as an individual.

It's about you as part of an institution.

[caller]

That's the problem

right now, Alexa.

That's the whole f*cking problem.

Because you're trying to make me

be the only f*cking person accountable--

-No, I am not. Believe you me, I am not.

-[caller]

Yeah, you are!

No, I am not.

You are one of many people

who contributed to a lifetime of trauma.

[caller]

And?

-[Alexa] And?

-[Katherine laughs]

That's the response, "And?"

[caller]

I've gotta go.

I'm driving, and cars are passing me,

and my gas light's on.

[Sean] Sure is.

-[caller]

All right. Bye.

-All right.

[line disconnects]

-[Katherine] Wow.

-I have to smoke. I am, like…

My heart was… Are you okay? My heart was…

[Katherine] It's like the

Les Mis

song.

"Don't kick a dog

because he's just a pup."

"You better run for cover

when the pup grows up."

We grew up.

We got out.

And we're not scared of you anymore.

Abuse thrives in silence.

We stay silent

because there's shame and humiliation.

Because all this stuff

is embarrassing, honestly.

Like, I'm embarrassed for my dad.

-Hi, Dad.

-Hey, sweetie.

[voice breaking]

You know, it's hard, 'cause he's…

he's a victim in this in a lot of ways.

He fell for this f*ck' scheme.

[crying softly] And it's embarrassing

to sit there and say,

"Yeah, I sent my kid to this place,

and these horrible things happened."

"I was taken for a fool,

and they took a lot of my money."

No one wants to admit that.

The people who are willing to admit that,

that's something.

[Katherine] "Dear Katherine, I hope

you hear my apologies for failing you

and can find forgiveness in your heart."

[crying] "I would like to sit down

with you, literally if possible,

and revisit some of those decisions."

"So how about it?"

"I think a visit would be healing

for both of us."

"Love, Dad."

[Katherine] Testing, testing.

[mic thuds]

What do you say? What do I say to Dad?

How do I greet him? What do you…

-What do I do?

-Just be like, "Hi."

-"What's up?"

-"Hi. You hired strangers to kidnap me."

Wait, is that Dad,

or is that an old woman?

That's scary.

I think that's an old woman.

That was a false alarm.

I was not prepared.

[exhales heavily]

[Ken] Yes!

How you doing?

-What's that?

-Um, we're recording there.

Well, you going to record giving me a hug?

-[Katherine] Sure.

-[laughing]

[Katherine] How you doing?

[Ken] I'm doing good

now that I'm seeing you.

Ah.

I hope you don't mind that I'm recording,

but considering

what you've done to me in the past,

I feel like I need to document everything

in case you have strangers

hiding in the bushes about to kidnap me

and incarcerate me for 15 months.

Well, there are none.

What do you have to say for yourself?

[laughs] I'm really sorry for that.

All right, well…

[Julie laughing] There we go!

That's a wrap.

[Ken laughing]

And really good to see you.

I really missed you.

I have complicated feelings

about seeing you right now.

[Ken] I know you do. I know you do.

I wish that I had figured it out

really quick.

But, uh, it was a terrible mistake,

and I'm so sorry.

[voice breaking] Do you know

how long 15 months is for a kid?

[Ken] Yes, it was terrible.

[crying softly] You sent me away

to a place where I was…

vilified, and told I was the problem.

I was a kid.

I didn't know

they were gonna do that to you.

You wrote in your letters.

I can read them back to you…

You know what? They…

That's something

you and I are in agreement on. They…

Those programs, and this is why

I'm with you on the programs,

they manipulate parents, and once, uh…

I'm so sorry, Katherine.

I am so sorry, sweetie.

Um, they…

[Katherine]

Seeing my dad

for the first time in years

was a lot to process.

-We can take a break.

-[Ken] Yeah.

[Katherine]

And it wasn't something

we could fix in one conversation.

To his credit,

he did eventually pull me from Ivy Ridge.

It only took him 15 months.

[Katherine] What happened

was I was a level four,

and Miss Elva comes stomping over

into the gym, and she's like…

[angrily] "Katherine Daniel,

you're coming with me to the boys' side,

and we're going

to Jason Finlinson's office!"

And my brain is just racing,

trying to figure out,

"What did I do? What's happening?"

And she's yelling at me the whole way,

and then we opened the door,

and right there,

where the camera is, was my dad.

And he was just like,

"Hey! I'm here! We're going home!"

And I'm like, "What? Wait, I'm going…

I'm going home?"

Like, you can't process it,

and it was all just a blur.

I can't remember really too much,

except I think they try to get you out

kind of in a hurry.

-They don't want people to see.

-[Alexa] Yeah. Right.

-You can't say goodbye to anyone.

-[Alexa] Yep.

Couldn't say goodbye to any of you guys.

You know, I'd been

in this building for 15 months.

And next thing I know,

we're speeding down the highway.

I just felt physically ill

'cause it was sensory overload.

I was seeing trees in the sky.

And this world I'd been in,

that it felt like

I had almost always been in

and would never be able to leave,

was just gone.

And it was this weird mix of emotion,

'cause you're overwhelmed,

but you're also like,

"Oh my God. I'm out. I'm out."

"I'm free. I'm out.

What does this mean? What am I doing?"

And, you know, that just started

my lifelong anxiety disorder.

[all laughing]

'Cause I didn't know how to adjust

to real life after all this bullshit.

[Katherine]

Adjusting to life

outside of the program was very difficult.

I would wander the grocery store,

overwhelmed with the choices.

I'd have panic attacks

while trying to figure out what to order

at the Taco Bell drive-through.

[man on mic]

Taco Bell,

may I take your order?

[Ken] Yeah, just give us a sec.

-[Katherine] Um, Pepsi.

-[Ken] Pepsi.

[Katherine gasps] Oh no, not Pepsi.

-[unsettling music playing]

-[Katherine]

I had extreme social anxiety.

-I still do.

-[door opening]

[Katherine]

I'd missed out

on a year of pop culture.

There's an

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

joke

in there somewhere.

That's gonna be, uh…

you know, a fascinating transition.

["The Cult Song"

by Shannon and The Clams playing]

-[all] Yeah!

-[Oprah] Yes! Yes!

[reporter]

Martha Stewart

turning herself in.

My friends, we cannot win this election.

[Katherine]

I was so confused

when I got out

and Lindsay Lohan was the new "it girl."

The girl from

The Parent Trap?

Okay.

I will never forgive the program

for denying me

the theatrical experience of

Mean Girls

.

-[car honking]

-Get in, loser. We're going shopping.

Peace out, homie.

-[girl laughing]

-["The Cult Song" fading]

[Katherine]

But just because I was out

didn't mean I was free.

The threat of being sent back

was constantly hanging over my head.

I was walking on eggshells

around my stepmother

and biding my time until I turned 18.

After my friend Diana

was pulled from Ivy Ridge,

she was only home for a few months

before she was sent back.

But this time

to a different WWASP program,

Midwest Academy in Keokuk, Iowa.

The director of Midwest Academy,

Ben Trane, was recently convicted

of sexually abusing children

in the program.

He took Diana and a few other girls

on a cross-country trip

to PC-3, where she graduated

from the program.

When I graduated,

we stopped at Lichfield's estate.

I call it an estate. It was like a canyon.

It was like a valley.

I was like, "What's that?"

And they're like,

"That's where the maids live."

"And that's where the ranch hands live

who take care of the animals."

They had basketball courts,

multiple pools, ponds, rivers.

They had multiple guesthouses.

They had a whole room dedicated

to when they went on safaris

and k*lled animals.

And there was this elaborate fountain of,

like, statues of all his children.

And they were like this,

and water was coming out of their hands.

It was just very bizarre.

[Katherine]

After 22 months at Ivy Ridge,

then another year and a half

at Midwest Academy,

Diana ended up spending

three and a half years in the program,

which cost over $175,000.

And I remember when I got to PC-3

and told my mom what I saw at Lichfield's,

and my mom,

I remember her face, and she was like…

[clicks tongue]

"So that's where all our money went."

[Katherine]

In

The Count of Monte Cristo,

Dumas writes,

"If you wish to discover

the guilty person,

first find out

to whom the crime might be useful."

[sirens wailing]

[darkly intriguing music playing]