02x03 - Higher Power

[bunniefuu]

(BARKING)

Shh! Ginger, quiet.
You be quiet now.

(BARKS)

All right.

AMY: What are you doing?

Are you trying to read my mail?

It's from Levi.

I see that. Read it to me.

(CHUCKLING) Right.
Because you're so supportive?

Well, I mean, come on,
Amy. It's from Hawaii.

You're gonna want me
to read it sooner or later.

I want to know. Did you
finally get him there, what?

Yeah, Mom, he's there, okay?

Well, read it to me, please.

It's personal, okay?

LEVI: Amy, well, I
made it here, barely.

They took away my phone,
so I have to write this sh*t out.

Can't remember the
last time I wrote a letter.

First couple days were brutal.

My heart rate was
f*cking skyrocketing,

and the way everyone was
talking so quiet and sympathetic

made me really want to drink.

(AIR PUMPING)

Or k*ll myself.

I've calmed down, but
I'm not feeling it, at all.

It's like I'm in a
Hawaiian prison.

(TONY FARTS)

(TONY GROANING)

Honestly, I can't believe
you fell for this sh*t.

The philosophy
is just so cheesy.

(ALL CLAMORING)

I may be desperate,

but I can't fall
for just anything.

(GROUP CHEERING)

They want me to
look at my dreams.

My dreams are chaos.

They want me to
look at the past.

The past is a junkyard,

everything dead,
rusted and broken.

They say to live in the moment.

So all's I ever do
is eat. LEVI: Well,

what if the moment is endless

and it's headaches
and phlegm and farts

and whiners whining about every
f*cking thing that ever happened to them.

WOMAN: I realized he
was never gonna come back.

LEVI: These people
are just so pathetic.

WOMAN: And even
though I had these kids,

you know, these beautiful...
(SOBBING) These kids...

LEVI: I can't look them in the
face when they talk about God...

WOMAN: It just wasn't enough.

LEVI: and a higher power
and the presence of grace.

(SNIFFLES)

You're okay.

LEVI: We're animals, Amy,

and some animals like to party.

For me, God is a
beer on the beach.

Maybe that's f*cked up,
but at least it's honest.

It's not wishful thinking.

I went snorkeling yesterday.

I wanted to find the
turtle you told me about.

There was no turtle,

just a bunch of garbage
at the bottom of the ocean.

One of the locals told me the bay
here has been polluted by all the boats.

I got to hit it.

LEVI: All the turtles
have gone or died.

Anyway, your turtle, if
it ever existed, is gone.

At least I can't find it.

It's all I got.

I guess we'll see.

Counting the days, Levi.

What'd he say?

Oh, stuff, you
know? I don't know.

Is he getting better?

Yeah. You know,
it's a long road, right?

Is that all?

HELEN: What else?

Nothing else.

He's there, and he's
getting help, right?

That's all that matters.

Amy.

All the treatment centers
in the whole world,

they can't help somebody unless
that somebody really wants to get help.

You got to let him go.

Mom!

(SIGHS)

(WAVES ROLLING)

(TONY GROANING)

(TONY GROANS) (SPLASHING)

(SIGHS)

(GROANING CONTINUES)

(TONY GROANS LOUDLY)

(SIGHS) (TOILET FLUSHES)

Oh, man.

Oh! (CHUCKLES) Wow.

(LAUGHS) I, uh, just finally...

TONY: Wow!

Oh, I feel a lot better now.

No wonder my back ached,
you know what I mean?

That was, like, a
week's worth there.

Thank God, thank God, you know?

It's really all I've been able to
think about the past three days.

Yeah? Well, it's all I can think
about for the last three days

because you won't
shut up about it, man.

Am I gonna have to hear
about every sh*t you take

for the next couple weeks, huh?

Because if I am, I'm gonna go out
there and f*cking drown myself, okay?

It's disgusting, man.

Makes me want to f*cking puke.

Have some f*cking dignity, man!

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.

f*cking...

f*cking air.

f*cking enough of this sh*t.

WOMAN: (SOBBING) I
knew it was me just alone,

that I had to take
care of myself.

I mean, she resented me.

Maybe she hated me. (CRYING)

(CHUCKLES)

Is there something
you want to say, Travis?

Oh. No, no.

Levi? (CLEARS THROAT)

You have something to say?

No. I didn't say anything.

But you want to say something.

No.

It's important that
we all share here.

Yeah? Why's that?

Because when you share,
you not only heal yourself,

but you help others.

(SIGHS)

Do you feel judged?

No. I don't feel judged.

I just don't feel like
telling you about it.

And to be honest,

I think that
you're full of sh*t.

Ooh.

(LAUGHS) Okay. Mmm-hmm.

PATRICIA: Good. Good, Levi.

DANIELLE: No. You
know what? Good for you.

That b*tch needs to be
called out. I f*cking hate her.

You know, she called me
into her office yesterday

to tell me that I was
sexualizing the group.

Yeah. Like, the outfits that I wear
are too provocative or something.

You give dudes boners,
Dani. (CHUCKLES)

Whatever. Face
it. Look at those.

What, am I supposed to wear
a f*cking nun's habit in Hawaii?

No. f*ck her.

Come on. Should we tell him?

Come on.

Hey, Levi.

Tonight after dinner,
we're gonna meet here,

and then we're gonna go down to
whatever that hotel is down the beach,

do a little partying.

TRAVIS: Um, and guess what.

I keistered in party
favors for everybody.

DANIELLE: Yeah. For everybody.

You guys are crazy.

You want to come with?

It's tempting, but nah. Yeah,
but nothing. (CHUCKLES)

Come on. You know
you want to come with us.

You know, I'm trying to behave.

Dude, let go, let God.

No. I appreciate the invite.

I'm just... I'm gonna pass.

Why are you even here, Levi?

(STAMMERING) I don't know.

I mean, me, I'm just trying
to get my head straight,

I'm trying to make
a few changes.

I'd like to start eating healthy,
I'd like to start exercising,

and I would like to take
a break from the drinking.

Why do you think you use?

Because my mom
died, my dad's a d*ck,

the things I thought I
should get, I didn't get them,

and I'm pissed.

Why not talk
about that in group?

Because I can't stand
Patricia's face, man.

I hate her f*cking face!

And even if I did tell her,

she probably wouldn't
get it, you know,

and I hate the jargon.

I'm sick of my room.

Tony is a f*cking pig, man,

and I really need a new iPod.

I busted my iPod, and I am
having a hard time, Jonah.

Sounds like you have
a lot of frustrations.

(CHUCKLES) You think?

Levi, this takes time.

Man, just...

These feelings that
you're having, they're valid,

but you need to express
them here and in group.

I want a new roommate.

Have you talked to Tony? Have
you told him what's bothering you?

Tell Tony that he's
f*cking disgusting

and that his f*cking
farts smell like sulfur

and that I'm drowning
in his f*cking farts?

He's f*cking gross, man.

Just walk over there, Jonah.
Take a look at the g*dd*mn room.

Everyone here is going
through the same stuff.

We all need the same things.

Look, Doctor... And you're probably
not even a real doctor, am I right?

I never said I was.

Whatever.

May I get a new iPod?

No, you can't. Why not?

Because you're not supposed
to have electronics, Levi.

It should have been confiscated.

That is f*cking absurd!

I'm a grown-a*s f*cking man.

I want a new iPod.

Levi, what's important here is that
you focus on your sobriety, your healing.

That's why you're
here, Levi. Jesus Christ.

JONAH: Not to tune out.

God damn it.

MAN: I know we're in Hawaii,
but it feels like I'm in f*cking prison.

TRAVIS: Well, what do you mean?

MAN: I don't know. It's like I
got jungle fever or something.

TRAVIS: You mean, island fever?

MAN: Same thing.

(CHUCKLES) It's
not the same thing.

MAN: Whatever.

I, uh, need to clear my head.
I'm gonna walk the beach, okay?

I don't think we're supposed
to leave center after dinner.

Oh, yeah. I know, Tony.
I'm breaking a rule, okay?

I just need to clear my head.

And if anybody asks, just tell them
that I went for a walk on the beach, okay?

You know, tell them
whatever you want, man, okay?

I don't give a sh*t.

DANIELLE: All right.

Yo. You guys ready?

TRAVIS: Yeah, man. You ready?

Yeah. Come on.

DANIELLE: Whoa!

This way. (DANIELLE CHUCKLING)

God.

(LAUGHING)

(PANTING) g*dd*mn.

Come on!

Get out of here.
It's a damn jailbreak.

DANIELLE: Whoo! Come on.

LEVI: I've been looking at
this hotel since we got here.

(DANIELLE SINGING)

Open sesame. (CHUCKLES)

DANIELLE: Just find a
bathroom or something.

Excuse me. Where's
the, uh, bathroom?

This way. This way?

Oh, hey, man.

Find it? Great.

DANIELLE: Let's go. Come on.

(LAUGHING)

TRAVIS: Come with me.

Give it to me. You got
it? TRAVIS: Open it.

You'd be surprised how much
drugs you can find in rehab.

Let me get in there, buddy.

Come on!

Show us how the
professionals do it, Levi. Ah!

(LAUGHS) TRAVIS:
Dude, this was so easy.

Why didn't we just
do this on day one?

Hold on, Dani.

I got a much higher tolerance
than you kids. I'm almost 41.

TRAVIS: At least that.

I'm gonna have
to go take a piss.

TRAVIS: All right.
DANIELLE: Easy, darling.

TRAVIS: You are the most
paranoid b*tch I've ever met.

Don't get antsy
around me. I don't like it.

DANIELLE: Me?
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hmm. (EXHALES)
(HEART BEAT THUMPING)

Yeah. TRAVIS: It's good.

Mmm.

Yes, sir.

Wow. I feel good, you know?

And it's real, too. (LAUGHS) I
feel good. Yeah. It's f*cking real.

I really needed it. Really good.

It's like the locals
say, "I'm stoked, brah."

I'm stoked. Yeah.

TRAVIS: We needed this.
Really glad I met you two guys, too.

DANIELLE: We're glad we met
you. You're such nice people.

DANIELLE: This is the
best place to make friends.

(LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Those are my two
friends right there.

DANIELLE: Whoo!

Yeah. We're kind of
staying at the same place.

It's making my
nose drip. Come on.

Come on!

f*cking life! (LAUGHS)

Whoo! Sorry.

DANIELLE: I got...

(LAUGHS)

Lock it. Lock it. Good.

You know what really bugs me

about a lot of the
people in there? What?

Is that you get the impression that
they never even really partied that hard.

Every time they ask me to
envision, like, my inner spirit

or a f*cking forest with a unicorn
riding through it or some sh*t like that,

the only thing that
I can ever think of

is the view from the penthouse
at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas.

That's great.

Yeah. It's where I
used to party with my ex.

Oh, yeah? Punk. (SNIFFLES)

Forget about him.
Forget about... (LAUGHS)

Hey! What?

You know what we ought
to do tomorrow morning?

What should we do tomorrow
morning? More coke?

Go to Pearl Harbor.

Okay. Yeah.

Mmm.

(CLEARS THROAT) What?

Oh.

I got a full bar.

We like full bars.

And if we run out, we can
order sh*t right up to the room.

(LAUGHS)

Say, maybe we can go back.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

What do you guys think?
Maybe we should go back.

What? Yeah.

Levi, we're not going back. No!
Dude, what are you talking about?

Go!

What are you talking about?

(DANIELLE LAUGHS)

Are we happy with this?

Are you happy with this?

DANIELLE: I'm happy with it!

That's right! Whoo-hoo!

Dance, dance.

Hey. You know what?

You guys remind me
of my step kids. Really?

TRAVIS: Oh, sh*t. This is it.

Guys, this is it.
I'm f*cking out.

(LEVI CHUCKLES) (SNIFFLES)

No. I had a job.

I had my own apartment.

My f*cking as*h*le of an ex said that
he was gonna deal and take care of me.

Yeah.

He's the one who got me
into this mess in the first place.

What, he kind of like
screwed you over, huh?

I'm practically
f*cking homeless.

No way. Yeah, yeah, I am.

And he's sitting on,
like, a million dollars.

I mean, he's older than me.

He's even older than you.

I had no idea how
f*cked up people could be.

I had no idea.

Yeah.

I actually believed him

when he told me that
he wanted to marry me.

You know, I believed him.

You were married?

Yeah. What's she like?

I, uh...

(GROANS) Is she, like,
blond, or is she brunette

or redheaded or...

She's blond-headed.

She's blond-headed? What a sl*t.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I'm just kidding. No. I'm
just kidding. I'm kidding.

No. She's one of those people
that, you know... Like, a do-gooder

and just always kind of
like trying to get you sober

and just always involved with
all these kind of different causes.

I hate people like that. Yeah.

She went to Open Air first.

That's the reason I came
down here. No way! Really?

She's the reason I went over
there in the first place, yeah.

What a b*tch. b*tch move.

b*tch move. I swear I wouldn't
wish that place on my worst enemy.

Well, she's not a b*tch.

Oh.

What, are you still in love
with her or something?

Oh, you know...

Some...

You know? Right.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. (CHUCKLES)

How you doing?

DANIELLE: You mean that
that's, like, your own plane?

Yeah. Shut up.

Shut up? You shut up. Really?

Shut up! You shut up!

Yeah, we could fly right there.

Like, how long
would the flight take?

A flight takes...
Well, I don't know.

I have to get a flight schedule.

I have to figure out... Where
do you want to fly? Mmm.

Are we the only
people? f*cking sl*t.

She is beautiful,
though. God damn it.

I wish we had more right
now. I can't believe we're out.

f*ck! Yeah.

DANIELLE: Sure it is.
Yeah. HOWELL: Shut up!

You ought to see
the size of this fjord.

LEVI: It's huge.

Hey. Um, I think that Howell
and I are gonna take off.

Where are you going? Why?

Um, just, like, for a walk
down the beach or something.

I don't know.

I got it. Okay.

Shouldn't we be going back?

(CHUCKLES) No, Levi. I don't
think that we should go back, okay?

Are you serious? I don't
think so. (DOOR OPENING)

All right. You know
what? Good-bye.

Why good-bye? I don't
know, I don't know, all right?

Just life.

Good-bye.

(DOOR CLOSING)

sh*t, man. Let's party.

(RETCHING)

(RETCHING CONTINUES)

Ugh!

sh*t, man.

I'm f*cked.

We're gonna get kicked out.

Just sober up, you
know, drink some water.

Oh, forget it, man. We're
gonna get kicked out.

I f*cking blew it again.

My parents are f*cking
done with me, man.

I got two DUIs.

If I get kicked out of
here, I'm going to jail, man.

f*ck.

I'm going to f*cking jail.

I don't even want to wake up
tomorrow. I'm such a piece of sh*t.

Dude, I'm such a piece of sh*t.

All I do is talk sh*t all
day long. Come on, man.

I look at people, and I just
think, "There goes that fat f*ck,"

or, "Just shut up, you
long-haired hippie f*cking ret*rd."

I just hate people.

There's so much
that I just f*cking hate,

and there's so
little that I love.

Dude, I dug a hole,
like, 20 feet deep.

I don't even see a way out.

TRAVIS: f*ck.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(LEVI EXHALES)

Hey, Travis. Travis.
Let's go, man.

I'm gonna go, man.

f*ck off.

I'm going back, man.
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)

JONAH: Levi!

How was the walk?

Good. Had a good walk.

Missed you at breakfast. Tony
said you needed to clear your head.

Yeah.

You haven't seen Travis
or Danielle, have you?

No.

See you at group?

Yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT)

TONY: Everyone's
been asking about you.

I just told them that you left
for a few minutes to take a walk.

Thanks.

Travis and Danielle have
been missing all night.

I guess they're
gonna get kicked out.

Were they with you?

Yeah.

Listen.

Sorry about my issues,

my gas and...

I just messed up my body
all those years with drugs,

but I'll do what I can not
to bother you anymore.

Oh, hey, Tony. Don't
be sorry, all right?

But I feel bad. No, listen.

I feel badly, okay, Tony?

You know, I've been a
bad roommate, okay?

You've been a great roommate.

You don't got a
problem, all right, man?

I got a problem, okay?

So, you know, just do
what you gotta do, okay?

Fart all you want.

LEVI: Hey, Amy.

Still haven't drunk the
Kool-Aid, but I'm still here.

Whoa!

(ALL CHEERING)

LEVI: I'm doing their
dumb trust games.

Who's next? You want to go?

Thanks, Levi. I appreciate it.

LEVI: Getting fat
on the shitty food.

I haven't weighed myself,
but I feel like I lost a few.

You had to have lost a few.

PATRICIA: You see... LEVI: Today
we had another guided meditation.

PATRICIA: Content.

LEVI: They told us to remember
a time when we were our best self.

PATRICIA:
Illuminated from within.

LEVI: Never been my best self.

PATRICIA: Who is that person?

LEVI: The closest to it I could think
of was the person you thought I was

in the beginning.

I hope one day...

LEVI: I remember you'd talk
about me like I was this great,

beautiful person, and I thought,

"Who the f*ck is
she talking about?"

I think you don't
need to worry about...

LEVI: You saw something
in me that didn't exist.

Or maybe it did.

Maybe you're my higher power.

I don't believe in much,
but I believe in you.

I keep going out every
day looking for your turtle.

I really want to find it,

but even if I don't,
I know you did,

and for me, that's good enough.

Love, Levi.