01x02 - Meet the Midknights

[bunniefuu]

- My Uncle Budrick always says

that before I came along

[crying]

He didn't know

how lonely he was.

[wails]

I don't remember him finding

me, obviously

- Aah!

- I was a baby.

All I know is that since then,

it's always been just me

and Uncle Budrick

Aah!

On the road,

celebrating birthdays,

sleeping under the stars,

fleeing from angry farmers

[pig snorts]

both: Aah!

You know, the usual.

Until now.

Thanks to me,

Uncle Budrick's a prisoner

in King Gastley's castle

and forced to be a jester.

Maybe if he was the world's

greatest troubadour,

I wouldn't be so worried,

but he's

- [out of tune]

Cricket tooth, frump taco ♪

- Purple bonk, sloppy lobster ♪

- Ugh.

- Yeah, which is why I've gotta

get him out or die trying.

[upbeat music]

- Lotta people tellin' me

what I should be ♪

But I wanna make

my own destiny ♪

- [growls]

- Got a feelin' ♪

That it might be time

for me ♪

- To find my own way ♪

- [grunts]

- 'Cause I can feel

it in my heart ♪

It takes a lot to be brave,

but just a little to start ♪

Let's go take

a million chances ♪

Let's go change

our circumstances ♪

I'm gonna write

my own story ♪

And the hero is me ♪

[horses whinny,

chickens clucking]

What is she doing?

I believe she is devising

an improbable plan

to rescue her Uncle Budrick.

[gasps] I've got it!

I'll storm the castle,

sword raised,

like the knights of old.

Yeah! A perfect plan!

I have absolutely no

follow-up questions.

- Max, I'm gonna try to say

this as gently as possible.

That's a terrible plan!

- Well, if you've got

anything better, I'm all ears.

[horse snorts]

[gasps] Guards are back!

Everyone hide!

- Aah!

[horse neighs wildly]

Shh.

[grunting]

[pants, whines]

[gasps]

[horse neighs]

- [groans]

- What have we here?

Oh, false alarm, everyone.

It's quite all right.

This is my father.

[chuckles] That's right.

Nolan's the name,

and ostling's my game.

Or is it ostler-ing?

[laughs] I never know.

Ah! Bottom line is,

I work with horses.

- Dad, allow me to present

Simon, Millie, and Max,

my new best friends.

- And notorious outlaws,

from what I hear.

Outlaws?

Cool.

Never been an outlaw before.

- Perhaps you can help us

brainstorm, Dad.

We need a plan to gain access

to Gastley's castle.

To rescue my Uncle Budrick.

My, that is serious. Hmm.

But come to think of it,

I might have something

that could help.

[grunts] No, no. Not that.

- There it is!

- [gasps]

[angelic vocalizing]

Uh, a coin?

- This is no ordinary coin,

Max.

It's a summoning coin.

It's said to conjure

a powerful wizard.

- A wizard? A real wizard?

Which one?

- Randolph the Blue?

Schmendrick the Green?

[gasps]

Bartleby the Bluish-green?

- The most powerful wizard

of all, Mumblin the Magician.

Mumblin! [laughs]

The Royal Sorcerer

to King Conrad?

[squeals]

What are we waiting for?

Whoa, whoa, Millie, remember,

King Gastley outlawed magic

in Byjovia.

- But I've waited my whole life

to meet a wizard!

Don't take this from me, Simon.

I'm afraid Simon is correct.

If we're caught using magic,

the punishment is death.

- Uh, isn't death

the punishment

for everything in Byjovia?

Besides, no one has to know.

- True.

- It's wizard time.

- All right.

- Is it working?

Maybe I need to say something.

Oh, powerful wizard,

I summon thee-eeee!

- Huh?

- Yeah, nothing's happening.

- How does it work?

- Um, not sure, really.

Definitely should've kept

that instruction manual.

- Wait! It's working!

It's working!

It's--burning! Ow!

[dramatic music]

- - Mumblin ♪

- [gasps] Aah!

[both screaming]

[all screaming]

- [horse neighs in alarm]

- Stop!

Give me that!

- Yes, oh mighty Mumblin.

Whatever you say.

Oh, it never fails.

Every time I'm toweling off,

somebody interrupts me

with another blasted

summoning coin.

- Um, might I get you a robe

or something to, um--

- Oh, don't act like

you've never seen

a naked wizard before.

And I can summon

my own clothes,

thank you very much.

Wow, he makes smoke.

- I'm not trying

to make smoke, child.

I'm trying to make pants.

Wow.

He makes invisible pants.

Baa.

[grunts] No, no, no, no, no.

I'm just a little rusty,

that's all!

Rusty?

I thought you were supposed

to be a powerful wizard.

- No, no, no, no.

Those days are over.

After King Conrad's

disappearance

[groans]

I retired from magic

and moved to the Shady Acres

Home for Aged Sorcerers.

- No, but you can't be retired.

We need your help!

My Uncle Budrick's a prisoner

in Gastley's castle.

- Well, I'm very sorry

to hear that,

but I'm afraid

there's nothing I can do.

[groans] Now come on, Mumblin!

Send yourself home!

- [blowing] Come on now, come on.

- Can I get your autograph?

Make it out to Millie,

M-I-L-L-I-E.

- First you interrupt

towel time,

then you ask for an autograph?

[exclaims]

The nerve of you people!

[all gasp]

What? Uh, that went well.

Oh, I'm sorry, Max,

but I'm sure we'll think

of something.

Right now, though, I've got

to ready the horses

for this afternoon's

jousting tournament.

[gasps] Egad, that's it!

Everyone in Byjovia is going to

the jousting tournament today,

including King Gastley!

Oh, that's brilliant, Kevyn.

If Gastley's at the tournament,

he won't be in the castle.

- And wherever Gastley goes,

his guards go.

- A castle without guards!

It's perfect.

I can sneak in,

rescue Uncle Budrick.

- Then we can slip out

undetected.

We?

Uh, hold up.

On second thought,

it's a bad idea.

It probably won't work.

No offense, Kevyn.

- But just a second ago,

you said, and I quote,

"That's brilliant, Kevyn."

- Um, yeah, I got

a little too revved up.

I do that sometimes.

Anyway, before we go anywhere,

I think we should brainstorm

some more.

You know, just to be sure

we have the best play.

Okay, okay. I'm lying.

I don't think it's a bad idea,

but I already hand-delivered

Uncle Budrick to Gastley.

I don't wanna get

anyone else captured or worse.

I'm just gonna wait,

and when nobody's looking,

I'll sneak off to the castle,

alone.

[light medieval music]

[moaning]

Uh, what is he doing?

[grunts]

And finally,

the butterfly emerges

from its chrysalis

[gasps] Spreading

its newly formed wings,

ready to--

- [sniffles]

Time is so fleeting.

- Stop!

Stop this putrid performance.

I can't stand anymore.

And besides, I must prepare

for the joust.

Take this jester to his room.

- Ooh! I get my own room?

Aah!

[yelps]

Oh. Oh.

[sinister music]

Oh.

- 32! O-32!

- Bingo!

- Pathetic,

absolutely pathetic.

Look at me!

I can't even win at bingo,

let alone help a bunch of kids.

- What did ya say?

- Oh.

- [louder] I said,

"I can't even win at bingo,

let alone help a bunch

of kids."

Squids?

What? What? Kids!

- Huh?

- I--

[groans dramatically]

Never mind.

- [horses neigh]

- Wow.

I've never seen a real knight

before.

There are so many of them.

- Indeed, though many will

perish in today's games.

Jousting is a gruesome pastime

and has been for centuries.

Oh, in fact,

I'm currently writing

a history of the sport,

starting

with the origin of its name.

You see, the word "joust"

derives from old French,

not ancient French--

Aah! Yeah, it's a little rude

to leave

without saying goodbye,

but recusing Uncle Budrick

is just something I have to do

on my own.

[adventurous music]

♪

[cheers and applause]

[horse neighs]

[dramatic medieval music]

Whoo!

[sniffs]

- [sighs happily]

[both gasp]

♪

[bright fanfare]

- Oh! Point that the other way,

you blithering blowhard!

Ugh.

[gasps, wincing]

[groans] Just start the games.

Start the games!

Huzzah!

♪

[groans]

- [gasps]

- [sobs] No!

- [gasps]

- Oh, please!

It's no fun

if the heads don't come off!

Right? Who's with me? Anyone?

♪

- Just got

a new souped-up wagon.

- What?

- It's two horsepower.

Yeah, beats one.

- There you are!

- [gasps]

Sneaking out on your own.

I shake my head at you.

See that? Huh?

My judgmental headshake,

do you see it?

- What are you guys doing?

- Following you.

- We thought

you could use assistance.

- No way. Uh-uh. Go home.

I don't wanna put anyone else

in danger.

- You're not putting us

in danger.

We're putting ourselves

in danger.

Totally different.

- We can stand here

arguing about it,

or we can go and get

your Uncle Budrick.

Up to you.

- [sighs] All right, all right.

Let's go.

But the first sign of trouble,

you all head back.

[metallic clank]

Aah!

[both laugh darkly]

[all gasp]

- - Do you feel useless?

- Uh, me?

- - Over-the-hill?

- Yes?

- Like that magic spark

is gone?

- That's because it is!

- Oh, no.

- Preorder

your burial plot today.

- [gasps]

- If you act now,

we'll throw in a free

personalized tombstone.

Rest in peace.

Flowers and ceremony

not included.

[gasps]

What am I doing?

Oh, Mumblin!

How did it come to this?

[kids groaning]

both: Ow!

- Bet you regret

following me now.

[bright fanfare]

- Yeah, little bit.

- Indeed.

This seems fine.

- 'Tis timeth

for the running of the orphans!

- Whoo!

This is my favorite event!

- What? The running

of the orphans?

Ooh, that sounds fun.

Millie, we are the orphans!

Oh, right.

- Wait, is that the annoying

young vagrant from yesterday?

- It is, Your Majesty.

- [laughs evilly]

Oh, this is going to be fun.

Okay, g*ng. What do we do?

- I, for one, am planning

to soil my breeches.

- Hold the soiling!

Look, a gate!

[pants]

- [snarling]

- Um, what's that?

It sounds troubling.

[snorts]

- Get back!

[all gasp]

Easy, fella. That's it.

You don't wanna hurt us.

[snorts squeakily]

- [bellows]

- Okay, it didn't work!

- It definitely wants to hurt us!

- Run!

[all screaming]

[screams]

[fast-paced rock music]

- [laughs] Look

at their idiotic,

frightened little faces!

- When your goal's

swallowed whole ♪

And you're way

out of control ♪

Get after it ♪

When your brain's

gotta strain just ♪

To keep ya feelin' sane ♪

Get after it,

don't you quit ♪

- Aah!

- You can have it all ♪

[screeches]

- Run, don't crawl ♪

[roars]

I'm ready to meet my end.

And my only regret--ow--

is that I never got

to open my own library.

What? What's a library?

- Oh! [laughs] It's a place

where you can borrow--

both: Aah!

- Gotta push, gotta shove ♪

Gotta find a little love ♪

Get after it,

don't you quit ♪

You can have it all,

don't get mauled ♪

- If there's no way out,

we'll just have to make one.

Love that idea! But how?

- - Don't you quit ♪

- Follow me.

- Don't quit,

don't quit, don't quit ♪

- Get after it ♪

- Over here!

Big guy! That's it.

Come and get me!

Max, I trust you, but, like,

you do see the giant boar

charging straight at us, right?

- Simon, on my signal,

dive to the right.

Millie, Kevyn,

dive to the left.

[thunderous footfalls]

Dive!

[squeals]

- Yes! Let's go!

- Don't you quit ♪

[groaning]

- Oh, I knew I should've gone

with the tiger.

But no! Everyone wanted a boar.

There's me, being

a people pleaser, as usual.

Why is my cup empty?

[upbeat music]

- Whoo-hoo!

That was incredible!

- Amazing plan, Max!

- Yeah!

And it would've been

even more amazing

if the boar weren't

still following us!

[tense music]

[screams]

- Well, it's just that they

summoned me, you know?

[mumbles unintelligibly]

You think I'm being selfish?

Yes, of course, I know

it's "wizard's duty"

to help when summoned.

Ba!

But I just, uh--

okay, the truth is,

I'm not the wizard

that I used to be.

In fact, I probably just

make thing worse.

[groans] Oh, never mind!

It doesn't matter, because

I'm sure the kids are fine.

[farts]

- [clears throat]

I'll just check to be sure.

[clears throat]

Show me the kids!

[all screaming]

- [roars]

Oh, no.

Great, a dead end.

[snorts]

♪

- So sharp.

- [growls]

Bup, bup, any ideas?

- I'm thinking, I'm thinking,

I'm thinking.

Might you think faster?

If you want my friends,

you're gonna have

to go through me.

Really? All that thinking,

and that's what

you came up with?

[all screaming]

- [groans]

- [cries]

- - Mumblin ♪'

- Mumblin!

- Be gone with you.

[yelps]

[intensely] Be gone with you!

- Whoa.

[bee buzzing]

- Aah! Shoo, shoo, shoo,

boar-bee! Shoo!

- Did you see--did he just--

- Shoo, shoo!

- Astonishing.

- Ah! I knew you'd come back!

- Um, how'd you know

where we were?

- Ah, well, I-I used this.

It allows the viewer to see

anything he or she wants

within certain parameters,

of course.

There have been lawsuits.

Pretty cool.

So does this mean

you'll help us

get Uncle Budrick back?

Yes, yes, I will help you.

But is this going

to keep happening?

- I love you, I love you,

wizard, my wizard. Yee!

- [gulps]

Any of the orphans make it?

Actually, I just realized

I don't care.

[laughs]

[bee buzzing]

Ooh! Will someone do something

about this flying insect?

Where is the royal flyswatter?

- Uh.

- No! Over there!

No, you missed.

Imbecile, give me that.

Whoa! Aah! [gasps]

[snorts menacingly]

[tense music]

[grunting frantically]

[bellows]

♪

- Don't just stand there!

Somebody do something!

Aah!

[majestic medieval music]

The drawbridge is up,

so we're gonna need a boat.

If only there were a way

to make one appear

out of thin air.

- What? Oh, right!

I'm a wizard.

[laughs] One boat

coming right up.

Ah-razza, ma-grazza!

[gasps] So small.

- We're gonna need

a bigger boat.

- [exclaims]

- [gasps]

Aha! Oh, no.

Ooh, sorry!

I haven't done this much magic

in years.

Give me a minute.

Everyone,

take a half-step back.

[curious music]

I got this. I got this.

All right! Here we go!

And yah!

You see that? I'm washed-up!

I should've stayed

at Shady Acres

and ordered

my personalized tombstone.

- If you had, we'd all be

dead meat right now.

Max is right.

You turned a boar

into a bumblebee, remember?

Well, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I suppose I did do that,

but I--I'm not no good

to you now.

I'm all tapped out of magic

at the moment.

Forget about a boat.

We can use those barrels

to make a raft.

[strains]

Or we could use

whatever that is.

That works too!

This place isn't so bad.

[rat squeaks]

[snarls]

Hey!

[rat squeaking]

Huh?

Max?

- Uncle Budrick! You're okay!

- Of course I am.

I may have been imprisoned

by a crazed monarch

and a rat just stole my boot,

but the show must go on.

- I'm so sorry

for getting you captured.

This is all my fault.

- What are you talking about,

Max?

It was my choice.

- But if I hadn't--

- It's my job to take care

of you.

Remember?

[ominous music]

- The murky depths,

they call to me.

Snap out of it, Millie.

No one's calling to you.

- Or is there?

- Huh?

[eerie echoing]

♪

[screeches]

- Max!

- Look out!

- [grunts]

- Max, go!

But I can't leave you.

- Mumblin!

- Don't worry! Don't worry!

I'll get us out of--

[groans] Sorry!

Hey, Mumblin!

Gah! This blasted thing!

[all scream]

Everyone paddle, now!

[heavy metal music]

♪

[all grunting]

We're almost there! Keep going.

Keep go--

all: Aah!

Whoa!

We have to swim for it!

- You have to swim for--

- Yeah, Mumblin.

- Thanks! We know!

- You're welcome!

Aah!

[all screaming]

Hang on, kids! I'm coming!

Aah!

♪

[whines nervously]

Aah!

♪

Whoa!

[all gasping]

- Whoa!

[all panting]

- [screaming]

- Kevyn!

[wailing]

- Hey, tentacle, uh, thing!

Eat this!

[yelps]

Faster, Kevyn!

[gasping] Aah!

Aah! No!

[yelling]

[gasps]

♪

- [pants]

[all sigh]

Can I get your autograph?

M-I-L-L-I-E.

[grand music]

Mmm, mmm.

I want that furry pig seasoned,

roasted, and served up

on a plate immediately.

Aah!

Oh, Fendra,

will you stop doing that?

I'm not in the mood for your

chaotic sorceress energy.

I sense magic in the kingdom.

Huh? Ya think?

What tipped you off?

Was it when I was nearly

impaled by a bumblebee?

I sense Mumblin.

Mumblin. Hmm.

- [snores]

- Sorry we couldn't get

Uncle Budrick out.

[sighs] It's not your fault.

Besides, it wasn't

a total loss.

At least we know where he's

being kept inside the castle.

- And we know

an enormous tentacle creature

resides in the moat.

- And we know that everyone

has an evil doppelganger

living in the shadow world.

[laughs lightly]

- It--it's fine. Ignore her.

- We are just gonna have

to find

another way into the castle.

- That's right. We'll rescue

Uncle Budrick together.

Again, the emphasis

on the "together."

No more sneaking out of windows

and running off

to get yourself k*lled, okay?

Like I said,

it's always been just me

and Uncle Budrick.

Until now.

My family just got

a little bit bigger.

[clears throat]

I do believe

our merry band needs a name,

like the Legendary Knights

of the Round Table!

Ooh, great name!

Aww, but our table isn't round.

- Well, that name's

already taken anyway.

- And we're not actually

knights, more like orphans.

- Can we call ourselves knights

if we're only pretending?

We're not pretending!

We're gonna break

into the castle for real.

Sure, we may not be

actual knighted knights,

but we're definitely more

than make-believe ones.

We're sort of in the middle.

Middle knights.

[laughs] I've got it.

We'll call ourselves

the Midknights!

The Midknights. I like it.

[upbeat rock music]

♪

[upbeat rock music]

♪