01x07 - Summer of El Patín/Summer of Chisme

[bunniefuu]

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

- (CAT SNARLING)

- (DOGS BARKING)

(SINGING) Hey!

Another day in my old hood

Summer's starting

and it's gonna be so good

Hey, oh, hey!

I was gonna be so cool

Then you all moved in

and got me looking like a fool, again

CHORUS: Oye, Primos

Why you all up in my face

CHORUS: Oye, Primos

Get up out my space

CHORUS: Oye, Primos

You're wearing out my brain

You're driving me insane

Not the roll call again

Cousin Bud, Nacho and Lita

Tere, Tabi and Tonita

Scooter, Lotlot and Gordita

Nachito, ChaCha and Cookita

CHORUS: Yay

TATER: No, come on

CHORUS: Oye, Primos

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

NARRATOR: Summer of El Patin.

Hmm. Bill. Bill. Bill.

(GASPS) Yes!

My Romancimorphs' Fan Magazine

is finally here.

(WIND GUSTING)

(GASPS) Ooh!

What's this?

Romancimorphs on ice?

My favorite YA romance

fantasy characters are coming to life?

On ice!

Who cares?

I do!

Holding worldwide auditions

for a skate on role in the show!

They are coming here

to the new Hacienda Hills

skating rink!

Wait, didn't that place

used to be a mattress factory?

And a Halloween store before that?

Yeah, and now it's the site

of my newest dream!

I'm going to be an Ice-Tater!

(SCOFFS) Ice-Tater? For real?

Don't you want to be a Rollerblader?

You are paying attention!

And yes!

I've got a new dream!

Even the costumes are better!

Capybara!

No one has ice skills like you, Tater.

No one.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

AUDIENCE: (CHANTING)

Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!

Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!

Ice-Tater! Ice-Tater!

You poor, delusional person.

You just wait.

I'm gonna nab that skate on roll,

for sure.

I can't wait to hit the ice!

This was easier in my head.

(EXCLAIMING)

Cuidado, Tater.

Hey, I'm skating here!

(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

a mystery on ice,

El Patin!

(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) La Mascara is all I need

It gives me grace

It gives me power

It gives me all this speed

La Mascara is in control

It lets me spin, it lets me fly

It makes me go, go, go

I am the star you've never seen

(VOCALIZING)

Don't ever look behind the screen

El Patin

El Patin

I'm not shy or reserved

I'm a spotlight seeking fiend

El Patin

El Patin

When I step on the ice

All the fans can't help

but scream for me

El Patin

Hmm, if that Patin guy

gave me a few lessons,

the Romancimorphs on Ice role

is as good as mine!

Boo-yah Ahhh!

Hey, who's that protein guy?

El Patin is amazing!

Pero, too bad. No one knows who he is.

No one's been able

to track El Patin down

- because he just

- Disappears!

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

No one's been able

to track down El Patin, eh?

Challenge accepted.

Whoa!

(GIGGLES)

Here comes Tater

Good thing I came prepared.

(SCREAMING)

I got you now!

Doh! He was too fast!

Or was he?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCREAMING)

It's his flesh!

Oh, it's fake.

El Patin skates with fake muscles?

(SNIFFS) Fake muscles that smell like

Buela's fabric softener?

(GASPS)

El Patin is Buela!

(WHISTLING)

Lo siento, Buela, no outside food.

This food was made inside.

(GROANS)

This calls for

a professional bloodhound.

(SNIFFING AND PANTING)

Go get 'em, girl!

(SNIFFING)

Nice job, Cha-dog.

Here, girl! Here's a cookie.

Hmm.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

Scooter!

You're El Patin!

(WHIMPERS)

Um

I can still see you.

Which is weird because I feel like

I've barely seen you this summer.

Have you been avoiding me?

No, Tater, I've just been

coming here a lot and I

Didn't want anyone to know.

Why? You're such a good skater.

Don't you want to show off?

- I would.

- It's hard to explain.

I do want to skate for an audience,

but I'm scared to have

all those eyes judging me.

But when I put on the mask,

I'm not Scooter anymore.

I'm El Patin.

He's fearless and skates

the way I never could.

You won't tell our primos, right?

No one else can find out. Nunca.

Your secret's safe with me.

Thanks, Tater.

I wish there was something

I could do for you.

Well, I do really need

some skating lessons.

And an audition partner

for Romancimorphs on ice.

Will you please help me?

How about El Patin? Is he available?

Okay, okay.

If I keep my mask on

and you keep my secret,

I'll help you with your audition.

- (SPEAKING SPANISH)

- Deal! I mean, trato!

First, let's work on your entrance.

Just remember, trust the ice.

Trust me.

I know how to make an entrance.

(GROANS IN PAIN)

Uh, watch the toe pick.

Let's try my favorite move.

The Tornado Twizzle.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

That looks easy enough.

- (SCREAMING)

- (THUDS)

Okay. Your job here is to stay in form

and not move.

That I can do.

Maybe I'm not cut out for this.

You'll get there, Tater.

You just gotta keep at it

- and trust the ice.

- Trust the ice.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, your hankie

even matches your costume.

I used the same material for it.

Wait. You make your own costumes?

They look so professional.

Scooter, how come I didn't know

you were so talented?

I keep my talents to myself.

You should share your talents

with everyone.

Maybe I could start by making

a costume for you, too?

Would you really?

It would give me that extra edge.

On ice!

Behold my glorious mask!

Um, why don't I finish it for you?

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

ANNOUNCER: And now for our main event,

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Introducing

(SNARLS)

ANNOUNCER: Night Fang Martinez!

Now, that's an entrance!

SCOOTER: Yeah.

Now let's work on your entrance.

Make way for the Ice Tater!

Ice Tater! Ice Tater!

- Trust

- The ice.

I'm skating!

You're ready, Ice Tater.

That's me!

I'm actually doing all the moves!

SCOOTER: Go, Tater, go!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

I'm good!

(EXCLAIMS)

Two of my favorite Romancimorphs

are the judges!

ANNOUNCER: And next up, Ice Tater

and her partner, El Patin!

You ready?

Let's bring the pain!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Romancimorphs, here I come!

Huh? (EXCLAIMS)

Huh? (GASPS)

Scooter's El Patin!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(WHIMPERING)

Scooter, we have to keep going.

I can't.

Come on.

We've got to help our primito!

ALL: (CHANTING) Scooter!

Scooter! Scooter! Scooter!

You don't need El Patin to do this.

You're spectacular,

with or without your mask.

Just trust the ice.

Let's finish this.

Ow!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ALL CHEERING)

We did it!

Yes!

ANNOUNCER: Increíble!

But the judges urge the Ice Tater

to read the fine print on the flyer!

What?

The role is for kids 16 and up?

That means I can totally get the role

when I'm 16.

Wow, little bro, you were sick.

Ah, you too, Small Fry.

Can we come skate with you,

too, hermano?

Tater!

I may have taught you

how to master the ice,

but you helped me master my fear.

I can't believe I skated like that.

Me, not El Patin.

Well, he's great and all

but to be honest,

I'd rather hang out with you.

Race you to the snack stand.

That is, if you can keep up!

You're on!

(GRUNTING) Come on!

Buela?

My Scooter gets the best moves from me!

(LAUGHING)

NARRATOR: Summer of Chisme.

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

What are the T-Sisters gossiping about?

Ugh, curse my inability to read lips!

- Tater!

- (EXCLAIMS)

What new final form

are we trying out today?

You wanna be a cowboy? A diver?

An intergalactic space explorer?

With a laser arm!

Not now, Vision Tiger.

I need to get in on this

hot tea being spilled.

(T-SISTERS LAUGHING)

Hot tea!

Hmm, looks like ice tea to me.

No! I mean hot, juicy gossip.

I hate not knowing what it is.

It makes me all itchy.

Is gossip really more important

than figuring out your final form?

(GASPS) Maybe it's part

of my final form.

Vision Tiger, you're a genius!

Am I?

Maybe my destiny is to become

a hard hitting journalist.

Like the ones on Buela's favorite show!

Welcome to Primer Tater!

Tater reporting live in

the eye of Hurricane Nellie.

Per usual, she is raining

on everyone's parade.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

(THUNDER CLAPS)

Back to you in the studio. Whoa!

- Thank you, Tater.

- Thank you, Tater.

No, thank you, Tater.

Next up, Tater Tattle.

Cousin Bud, spotted using

a plastic bag at the store.

Environmentalist or environmental miss?

He's busted.

(CHUCKLES)

I just need practice gathering intel.

Ta-da!

Does this say,

hard-hitting journalist to you?

I know what it doesn't say.

It doesn't say girl working

hard on her final form

(GRUNTING)

(MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

Ouch!

Rose bush

(GIGGLING)

Curse my big but ineffective ears!

They're speaking in code.

Oh, wait, no, it's

Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

Spanish, Spanish, Spanish.

Ugh, I need a dictionary.

Or a translator!

Ooh, this is a big one, Tater.

- Big, big?

- Tear the family apart big.

You can tell me, Nachito.

As a future journalist,

I will be 100 percent unbiased.

Tonita said she woke up early

at Buela's house,

and saw her sneaking in

store bought tortillas!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

No!

What was that?

What's going on here?

We're spying

on your tea party, and I'm translating.

Tater promised me cookies.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Well, actually, I was just practicing

for my future

as a hard hitting journalist.

- Oh, that explains the outfit.

- Does it?

Sorry, Tater, but our

tea parties are private.

We have sources to protect.

Of course. So do journalists,

I hear.

It's just you always have the juiciest

intel way before anyone else.

I don't know how you do it.

Aw, thanks, Tater.

It's practically a full time job

on top of our cheer schedule.

Well, I'm not doing

anything important right now.

(GROANING)

Why don't I help you

with the goss gathering?

If I can join

your tea parties,

I promise I'll never show up

empty handed.

You mean quid pro quo?

Uh, si. My Spanish is rusty.

T-SISTERS: Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Deal. All you have to do

is bring us a fresh piece of chisme

that we don't already know.

Wait, cheese or gossip?

Chisme means gossip.

Cookie, please.

Yum, yum, yum.

Hello, diary,

I am so glad I didn't listen

to holographic Vision Tiger.

Hey!

Because my future

has never been clearer.

All I need to get started

is a fresh morsel of gossip.

And look at all those morsels.

Welcome back

to the T-Primas' Tattle Time.

Hot takes, even hotter tea.

Don't burn your tongue.

(SLURPING)

Ah!

Not on the blazer!

(GROANING)

Ah, the true mark

of journalistic integrity.

Sneaking.

I know, right?

(GRUNTING)

(HUMMING)

Four o'clock.

Suspicious Big Nacho activity.

But what rhymes with shiny hair?

Bear? Scare? Underwear?

- Always care. Perfect.

- (GASPS)

Sincerely

Uh, no, wait.

It's time for besitos, Ignacio.

(GASPS) Evidence!

I always wanted to do this.

Querida

Carmela.

(GASPS)

Is this a love letter?

Boom!

Get ready to spit out your tea, ladies,

'cause this goss is hot!

(T-SISTERS EXCLAIMING)

(MOUTHFUL) We're ready.

Our big tough, Big Nacho has a

Wait for it

Romantic pen pal!

Hmm?

I get it. You're all in shock.

I'll give you a sec.

Sorry, Tater, but Big Nacho's

long distance romance is old news.

We know Carmela

better than Big Nacho does.

What? How?

We have our ways.

Try again, Tater.

(TATER WHIMPERS)

(HUMMING)

Four-thirty.

Suspicious Lotlot activity.

She's cooking

A human head?

No, wait.

That's a cake.

In the shape of a human?

What's that, Frankie?

You want my name piped

across your broad chest

in butter cream

or Swiss meringue?

(PANTING)

Lotlot. Baking.

Cake boyfriend.

Buttercream.

Oh, yeah. Lotlot lot has

a whole bakery of boyfriends.

- It's her hobby.

- She's really good at it, too.

- Edgar was delicious.

- Mmm-hmm.

(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)

There you go. Yes, yes!

Yeah, see? Then you just wait

for the candy to spill out.

Oh!

(SCREAMS)

I got my chisme!

You know how Nachito loves pinatas?

Guess what? He's never

actually broken one open!

Even with the

(YAWNS) Yeah,

we knew that already.

No worries. I have a backup.

(CLEARS THROAT) Lita has

the garage possum tattooed on her back!

Tattooed!

- (BLOWS RASPBERRY) It's just temporary.

- Heh?

All the Primos got it

from the street carnival last week.

You did that without me?

Do I miss out on everything?

(PANTING)

I'm parched.

Need some sweet

Refreshing

Tea

(SLURPING)

(GULPING)

Don't you think you're being

just a tad extra?

Oh, I'll show you extra.

Extra! Extra!

Read all about it!

If I can't find gossip,

I'll just make up my own.

So, you're going to lie?

It's for the greater good.

Sounds more like the Tater-good.

Ooh, nice one.

I'm gonna write that down.

(SNORING)

(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

TATER: Ooh, he's talking in code.

(CONTINUES SPEAKING

IN SPANISH)

No, just Spanish again.

But that gives me an idea.

Agent Guapo.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Journalistic integrity, hmm?

Not now, Vision Tiger.

You can't shut out

your conscience, Tater.

Watch me.

VISION TIGER: (MUFFLED)

Oh, that smarts!

As you can see,

all evidence points to Pop

being not just our grandpa,

but also

a former secret agent.

By the code name El Guapo,

which as you and I know

means El Handsome.

(T-SISTERS EXCLAIMING)

Impressive, right?

Well, these visual A*DS are nice.

Yeah, you went all in on this.

Ugh! (SPITS)

But we know fake gold

when we see it.

A for effort.

(GROANS)

Got anything else?

There isn't anything else

or anyone else to spy on.

Except, I guess

Me?

- (T-SISTERS GASPING)

- Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, yeah. You got a whole

diary full of chisme!

- Um

- You're gonna let us read it?

You can totally come

to our parties then, Tater.

T-SISTERS:

Chisme! Chisme! Chisme!

Chisme! Chisme!

Chisme!

(WHIMPERS)

Tater, no.

Don't sell us out like this.

Um, could I have a second?

T-SISTERS: Yeah. Sure.

Vision Tiger, I have to do this

or I'll never get invited

to those tea parties.

Oh, so that's what this is really about.

FOMO.

You know, I don't know Spanish!

Oh, silly Tater,

FOMO means Fear Of Missing Out.

But is it the gossip

you're afraid of missing out on

or just your cousins?

I think it's the second one.

Which is weird. I'm always trying

to get away from my cousins.

I also don't want to be left out.

And we have a breakthrough.

Thanks, Vision Tiger.

And don't worry,

I won't sell us out.

Our secrets are safe with me.

(PURRING)

T-SISTERS: Aw!

That was so sweet!

You guys heard all that?

Well, yeah. You were just standing there

talking to your diary.

Oh, we've seen you do

way weirder stuff.

Uh, uh Cool.

You know, Tater,

you should've just told us

from the start

that you wanted to hang out.

But what about squid pro?

I mean, quo, quo, quo?

I mean, I don't have

anything to trade.

I don't know. Your photo

editing skills are pretty impressive.

Think you could take a look

at our headshots

over tea?

(T-SISTERS CHUCKLING)

(SNORING)

AUTOMATED VOICE:

Welcome home, Agent Guapo.

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)