04x05 - Second Skeleton

[bunniefuu]

[Ian, distorted] Poppy.

Pop.

- Poppy!
- [exclaims] Huh?

Let's k*ll God.

Huh?

In the expansion. What if
the players k*lled God?

I mean, that would be
one hell of a final boss.

Why does it smell
like piss in here?

Ian, I need your
help with something.

Oh, Poppy. Have
you wet yourself?

[stammers] We talked
about those adult diapers,

and you gave me so much
sass. And now, here we are.

I just drank more water than
I have in the last five years,

maybe my entire life.

And then I peed into
this Big Gulp cup,

and I dipped a pregnancy test
in there, and it said positive.

Actually, they all did.

[inhales deeply] I think
I might be pregnant.

You think?

[spits]

[exhales sharply]
What are you doing?

Help me. G-Get all
up in my business.

I don't care about
boundaries anymore.

I'm sorry, I'm still processing.
I mean, this is a lot to take in.

- [groaning]
- What... What are you doing?

Candy doesn't taste good to
me anymore. I don't know why.

Because you're f*cking pregnant.

- That's why.
- I'm... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Look, Poppy, I'm in
it with you. Okay?

[stammers] I'm with
you. All right?

[stammers] I support you no
matter what you wanna do.

Your body, your choice,
no judgment. No pressure.

Well, there might be a
little bit of pressure.

I'm not sure where
California is right now.

- And the Supreme Court of...
- Ian, I'm gonna keep it.

Wow.

Awesome, awesome.

[stammers] Decisive.
Clear. Great.

Yeah, I mean, I... [sighs]

I'm surprised too,

but somewhere around the tenth
test, I-I found myself...

[stammers] ...hoping
for a plus sign.

- A-And then you took 15 more.
- I just wanted to be thorough.

- Sure. Mmm.
- I mean,

it's a freaking miracle
when you think about it.

I mean... [stammers] ...I've
built game engines before,

but-but-but... but
a-a baby human?

Like right now... [stammers]
...at this very moment,

I-I'm building a teeny tiny
second skeleton inside of my body.

[chuckles] Like, how cool is that?
I mean, that's reason enough alone.

- No, it's not.
- Right, but that's not the only reason.

It just...

It feels...

[breathes shakily]

...right.

- I feel happy...
- [chuckles]

...and scared,

but more happy than
scared. [chuckles]

And then when I said
that, it switched around,

and I started to feel more
scared than happy again.

- It's really changing moment to moment.
- Oh. I can help you with this, Pop.

What are you afraid of?

[breathes shakily] What if...

What if I'm a bad mum?

Oh. No, Pop.

[sighs] I mean, look at me,

I just pissed into a Big Gulp
cup and all over my hands,

and it is not the first
time I've done that.

I mean, I can barely take care
of myself, let alone a kid.

W-What if I have no
maternal instincts?

Poppy, that's-that's
not gonna happen...

Like, what if I
don't get my kid?

Oh, my God. What...

What if they're a jock?

Am I gonna have to
learn about football?

Am I gonna have to learn
about American football?

Pop, Pop, Pop. Look, look,
look, you're freaking out,

but I'm in it with you. Okay?

I'm in the pregnancy, and I'm...

I'm also in the piss. I can
feel it all over your hands.

- We can be in the piss together.
- Yes.

Well, yeah, I mean, we're gonna
wash our hands afterwards, right?

[chuckles]

Here's how I can help you.

Let's confront your biggest fear

in the most controlled and
safe environment possible.

Okay. How-How are we gonna do that?
You got a spare baby I can f*ck up?

No...

but I might be able to make one.

- You wanted to see me?
- Hey. Uh, yeah, close the door.

Okay.

[sighs] Is this gonna take long?

I'm in an online auction to
buy Dana this dead lady's ring.

It's so cute. The ring. Not the
dead lady. Well, she could be cute.

I kind of think old people
are cute sometimes, like,

- not when they're dead, obviously. Yeah.
- Rachel.

That's personal. We
need to talk "bidness."

- Did you just say "bidness"?
- Now, this stays between us, okay?

Mm-hmm.

But Montreal is getting interest from
some very wealthy foreign investors.

Mmm.

Yeah, I can't tell you what
country they're from, um,

but just know that you wouldn't
want to get married there...

[chuckles] ...nor could you.

Then why are we
taking their money?

Because it's money.

David, that's gross.

I'm sorry, do you want that
dead lady's ring or not?

- Yes.
- This is how we pay the bills, okay?

We need these investors.
So, I need you to help me

make MQ look as
profitable as possible.

Okay. How do we do that?

Think of it this way. Montreal
is-is like a brothel, right?

- And-And we are the wh*res.
- Sex workers.

Sex workers lining up, uh, to
get picked by the buyer, right?

You know, we put on our best
dress, a little dollop of perfume,

you know, hoping to
attract that male suitor.

- That doesn't apply to me.
- But every good hooker...

- Sex worker.
- ...sex worker knows that

it's not about passion,
it's about sealing the deal.

Which is why I need
you to help me put ads

in our most popular Playpen
games. Starting with...

Cozy Galaxy. Brought to you
by our partners at Chevron.

No, no, David, please.
You can't make me do this.

Cozy Galaxy is Dana's baby.

She put her heart and
soul into this game.

She-She just got nominated
for Game of the Year.

She's at the awards
ceremony right now.

- You can't just wh*re it out to Big Oil.
- Sex work it...

Oh, shut up! David, p-please don't
make me do this to my fiancé.

Oh, my God.

That's the first time
I've said that out loud.

- It just came out. That's so nice.
- Rachel!

- Y-Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- That's personal, okay?

This... This is "bidness."

Hmm.

[shrieks] Okay, okay, okay.
Let me see. Let me see.

[exclaims] So cool.

You look radiant. These plebs
are swine compared to you.

Thanks, Jo.

I can always count on you for
a really aggressive compliment.

All right. What's the plan? You want
me to get any dirt on the competition?

I could plant some false flag intel to
get the other nominees disqualified.

Okay. Stand down, babes.
[chuckles] I love this energy.

That k*ller mentality
is how we got here.

But today we're celebrating.

I just got my first Game of the
Year nomination and I'm not even 30.

She a girl genius, y'all. Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Ooh. Ooh. Okay.

Okay. It's weird when
y'all just stand there.

Don't count your chickens
before the slaughter.

That is not the saying.

It's how I say it.
Nothing is assured.

You have to fight for your position at
all times. Take nothing for granted.

There's always a younger
crop of game designers

just waiting to take your spot.

Brad. You're cute when you're
worried, but just chill.

Take a victory
lap. We earned it.

All right. Fine. [sighs]

But if you need me, I'm gonna be in
the parking lot trying car doors.

I told you to stand down.

This is how I celebrate.

I don't take anything. I just
rearrange things slightly.

The only thing I steal is
their sense of security.

Mmm.

Incoming.

I'm so sorry. Are-Are
you Dana Bryant?

- In the flesh. What's good, mama?
- [chuckles]

Okay. Wow.

Um, my name's Yara. You-You
probably don't remember me,

but I was part of that
Girls Can Code group

that visited Mythic
Quest a few years ago.

Oh, yeah. Wow, you're like
a fully-formed human now.

I just want to say the...

the speech you gave us during the
visit i-inspired me to make games.

And Cozy Galaxy is, like, my
favorite game ever. [chuckles]

I can't believe I'm talking to you.
I love your top. Sorry, I'm babbling.

Oh, no. Please tell me more about how
cute and inspirational I am. [chuckles]

I'm kidding. Kinda.

But seriously, you
keep working hard,

I know you can get to where
I am someday. [chuckles]

Actually, my game is up
for Game of the Year too.

Uh, it's called Sea of Destiny.

Huh. [chuckles] Sea of
Destiny is your game?

- Yeah. [chuckles]
- And you're how old, again?

Seventeen. I-I just
graduated actually.

So, you were one year old
when Obama was elected?

Is that Michelle's husband?

Okay. That's enough face
time with the talent.

Move it, kid, or I
will move it for you.

Come on, put some
pep in it. Let's go.

[chuckles, clears throat]

Anna.

Bradley.

[in Polish] It's
been a long time.

It has. [sighs] Years.

I served time in prison.

Mmm.

Oh? So did I.

Insider trading.

[chuckles]

Money laundering.

You look fat.

I know.

You look old.

I know.

You want to get out of here?

I have a room at the hotel.

I have a suite.

Mmm.

- Leave a penny, take a penny.
- [chuckles]

[in English] Welcome to my
all-purpose VR simulator.

Now, there's only one
way for you to grapple

with this insanely
complex issue.

- Video games?
- Video games! That's right.

We're gonna use this to help you
overcome your fears of motherhood.

Now, obviously, I-I-I didn't
know you were gonna get pregnant,

so I didn't have any mom
simulators at the ready,

but I re-skinned a fast-paced
restaurant game with baby sh*t

to test your ability
to multitask.

That is a skill
fundamental to motherhood.

- Sick one. I love those restaurant games.
- [game beeps]

[customers chanting] Go! Go! Go!

- [announcer] Fry that baby!
- [baby babbles]

- What? Fry it?
- Hurry, Pop. There's customers waiting.

[Poppy] Okay.

[customers cheering]

- [sizzling]
- [crying]

This makes me feel really weird.

[announcer] Chop
those vegetables.

- [timer beeping]
- Pop, you gotta flip the baby.

- The baby is burning.
- Oh, sh*t!

[crying, babbling]

[grunting]

[customers booing]

- That was horrible.
- All right. Don't worry, Pop,

you can play again.
Practice makes perfect.

Are you mental? I am
not playing that again.

How is this supposed to prove
that I'll be a good mum?

I feel like you're getting
really hung up on specifics.

Whoa, Pop-Tarts. You pregnant?

- Shannon?
- [Shannon] Uh-huh.

What are you doing in here?

I saw Ian online.

We pop into VR for
our own kind of play.

We bang.

Yeah. Okay. Cool. [stammers]

- That was clear from your breasts.
- [Ian] Mmm.

I always thought you two had a
weird psychosexual thing going on.

- Did you knock her up?
- [gags]

- No, absolutely not.
- Oh. See? Look, the VR...

- ...the VR is making her sick.
- [retches] It is not the VR.

It is the thought of
carrying your... [retches]

Shannon, log off, please.

Fine. [chuckles]

But, uh, text me later, okay?

Because that, uh, silicon mold of your
johnson finally came in from China.

- [Ian] Mmm.
- [Shannon] Mmm.

Can we just, for the rest of our
lives, pretend that I never heard that?

I got some intel on that
smug little brat, boss.

Not interested.

I'm not intimidated by
Yara. She's just a kid.

She's a kid with two games and
private equity lining up for her

- like she's a trollop at a cathouse.
- [groans] You worked for David too long.

Wait, did you say two?

Sea of Destiny is
her second game?

Not only that. She owns
all her IP outright.

Whatever, Jo. [sighs] I am
not sweating her. [sighs]

Yeah, me neither.

Okay, Pop. Let's forget
about the restaurant game.

That was the wrong approach.

Maternal instincts are primal.
So we just have to activate them.

[Poppy] Well, I don't see any
frying pans so that's a good start.

[baby cooing]

- [Poppy] Aw, what a cutie. [chuckles]
- [Ian] Mmm. [chuckles]

[intruder] Target is
inside. Breaching window.

[Poppy] Whoa! What? What
the f*ck? Who is that?

- Oh, Christ. Oh, he took the baby.
- [baby cries]

[Ian] Go after him, Pop.

[Poppy] Give me back
my baby, you psycho.

[Ian] Yes. That's it.

Show those t*rrorists what
kind of mother you really are.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- [Ian] Jesus.
- [Poppy] Oh, my God.

Why is the baby sh**ting at me?

I didn't have a ton of time to,
like, recode the entire thing.

- [Poppy shouts]
- [baby babbles]

[Ian] Okay. I'll
help. I'll help.

- [Poppy shouts]
- [baby giggles]

- [screaming]
- [Poppy] Not helping, Ian!

- [screaming]
- [Poppy exclaims]

This is not helping.

This is just giving me more
fears than I even had before.

No offense, Pop, but you're
being a little ungrateful.

You know what? This is way harder
than I thought it would be.

Can we just put a pin in this?

A pin in my baby?

Well, I mean, not
literally. Metaphorically.

I mean, you know, you
do have another baby,

the expansion, that we should
be paying attention to.

Did you just compare my actual
human baby to a video game?

Well, no, they're
obviously different.

Although, to be fair,
we did conceive...

- [grunts]
- ...of the expansion first,

and it feels like, you know,
we should focus on that.

Pop.

Poppy.

Pop.

[sighing]

[Brad swallows]

Mmm.

[in Polish] That was adequate.

Quite.

So. Are you still
enjoying monetization?

I spend my days thinking
of ways to trick children

into surreptitiously spending the
income of their long-suffering parents.

- So yes. I love it.
- [chuckles]

Are you... with anyone?

She's a genius coder.

Raw, but has endless potential.

How about you?

I'm working with a prodigy. Top
of her game. Bit of a god complex.

Hmm. Mine's seventeen. Yours?

[in English] I'd rather not say.

[in Polish] But she's
a brilliant artist.

Artist?

I thought you hated
artists. You used to say

adults call themselves artists

when they want to behave
like children with impunity.

Maybe I changed my mind.

If you meet the right person,

you can change your mind
about a lot of things.

[in English] You were
naked before, but now...

you're exposed.

[in Polish] There's
a rush to it.

A thrill.

I haven't felt this way in
a long time. Since Kate.

Kate?

Who is Kate?

She was a pig.

Oh. [laughs]

- Then you two were made for each other.
- [chuckles]

[in English] ♪ I am singing and
typing And doing a spreadsheet ♪

♪ I am singing and typing
And running a company ♪

♪ I'm the cool g... ♪

- Hey.
- Hi, David.

I don't normally
sing, I was just...

Mm-hmm. So, um, I figured out a
way to make MQ look profitable

without selling out to Big Oil.

Say hello to our
biggest budget item.

You just printed out a piece of paper
that says Poppy and Ian's expansion?

Well, all of our data is digital
and I wanted it to be dramatic.

There's literally
nothing on these pages.

I didn't want to waste ink.

Whatever. Look, it's here.

Not only is their expansion
hoovering up money,

but there are line items in this
budget that are absolutely bonkers.

Like did you know they rented
out an entire weapons forge?

They have Joe
Manganiello on retainer.

Their VR costs are insane.

And somehow MQ is underwriting
a cattle ranch in Wyoming?

First off, it's
Manganiello, okay?

- And he's very particular...
- What did I say? Manganiello?

- ...about how you say the G.
- Manganiello.

And secondly, the... [sighs]

...there's an explanation
for the farm, okay?

The ranch in Wyoming is... it's a...
it's a way to make cows into NFTs,

is how Ian explained it,

- which I didn't understand at the time...
- [gasps] David. You knew? Coward!

Look, it's a complicated dynamic
with Ian. You have to pivot

- and I was pivoting.
- David.

Okay, look, how about we... we can
cut some items in the expansion,

some of the line items. Look, we
can sell the ranch in Wyoming.

Uh, we could turn it into a
slaughterhouse, make money off it.

- Unless the cows are already NFTs...
- David.

You know and I know that Playpen
is the most profitable part

of this company.

- [sighs]
- Vanilla MQ is a dinosaur.

A dinosaur, by the way, that is
currently eating all of our money.

If you wanna look attractive
to those investors,

the most impactful way to do that is
to k*ll Ian and Poppy's expansion.

- No.
- Yes.

- No!
- Yes!

[sighs] Look, d-don't
make me k*ll their baby.

I mean, you know, Ian and I are
forming a friendship right now, right?

- Mmm.
- I mean... [stammers, sighs]

Making adult male friends at my age
is a very difficult thing to do.

Mmm. Right.

David, everything you
just described is personal

and this,

this is...

[sighs]

- ..."bidness."
- "Bidness."

♪ I am singing and friendless ♪

♪ I just have my spreadsheets ♪

[Shannon] Hi.

Thanks for meeting me here.

Oh, no problem.

I, uh, had a combination Pilates and
AA meeting right around the corner.

- Okay.
- So, what's up, buttercup?

Well, uh, as you know,
I'm pregnant. [chuckles]

- Yeah. Yeah. [clears throat]
- Obviously. Um...

- Just sidenote...
- Uh-huh.

I wanted to make very clear,
again, that it is not Ian's baby.

Whatever you say.

- I do say. That's... [stammers]
- Mm-hmm.

- ...that's exactly what I'm saying...
- Okay.

...'cause I would rip it out
with my... with my bare hands.

- I wouldn't let it exist if it was his...
- Oh, that's untrue.

- I need you to understand that.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, um, uh,

I'm terrified that
I'm gonna mess it up.

Being a mum.

Hmm.

And, um, you know,

even with everything with Ian and-and
you raising Brendan on your own...

Mm-hmm.

...he seems like he
turned out pretty well.

Oh, greatest kid on the planet.

- Right. Right. Exactly. Exactly.
- Mmm.

So, I guess what I
wanted to ask is...

Um...

Can you just tell me that
I'm gonna be a good mum?

Oh, sweetheart.

You are gonna be a terrible mom.

- Okay. Cool. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. No, no, no, no, that's fine.
That's good. This was a mistake.

You didn't let me finish, sugar.

You are gonna be a
terrible mom sometimes.

Sometimes.

All moms are.

One time when Brendan
was around six,

he ate an entire bag of edibles
that I was hiding in my sock drawer.

- He was high for two days.
- [gasps]

Oh, wow.

It took me three weeks
to convince the CPS

that I was not using
him as a drug mule.

- Oh, my God. [chuckles]
- Yeah, that's on me.

- That is not true. [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah. You're gonna f*ck up royally.

But all you have to do
is-is-is do your best.

And if you make a mistake,
you say you're sorry.

And you find a very secure
place to hide your edibles.

- [chuckles] Wow. [sniffles]
- [chuckles] Yeah.

That was, um...

That was really helpful.

Good.

[chuckles] When I
went to Ian with this,

he made me play a game where
I had to stir-fry a baby

and then he told me to get
back to work. [chuckles]

Ian is useless when it
comes to this stuff.

He wants to help.

But if it gets too hard

or he doesn't feel like some
big hero anymore, he bails.

He is completely and
totally incapable

of putting anyone else's
needs above his own, okay?

Except in the bedroom.

- Okay. Cool.
- Oh, those mommy issues

make him work so hard.

- I mean...
- Okay. Thank you, Shannon.

This has been...

- as expected.
- Good.

I'm gonna go tell Storm
that I'm pregnant.

I can't believe you told Ian
before you told your baby daddy.

You guys have the
weirdest relationship.

Uh-huh. Tell that to
your torpedo boobs.

Let's get one last
look at our nominees.

[announcer] Game of the Year.

Hero's Hand.

[cheering]

Cozy Galaxy.

Sea of Destiny.

- [chuckles] Yes!
- [chuckles]

And the winner of the Apex
Awards Game of the Year is...

- Sea of Destiny.
- [cheering]

How?

This must be pretty
demoralizing for you.

[in Polish] That's my girl.

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

I wanna thank my
publisher, Big Snake Games.

My artist, Sarah Linsay Norris.

My head of monetization,
Anna Nowak.

{\an8}And an extra special thanks to
my fellow nominee Dana Bryant,

the creator of Cozy Galaxy.

{\an8}She inspired me when I
was first starting out

{\an8}and I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for her.

{\an8}She's kind of like my games
industry mama. [chuckles]

[audience clamoring,
laughing] Aw. So Sweet.

["bane" playing]

...so wild.

[gasps] Dana! [chuckles]

Can you believe this? I am, like,
floating on a cloud right now.

I bet. Thanks for the shout-out.

I meant it. I-I wouldn't be
here if it wasn't for you.

That's right.

I brought you into this world and
I'm gonna be the one to take you out.

Sorry?

We are not friends,

and I sure as hell am not
your games industry mama.

I'm your grim reaper.
Your time is coming.

New marching orders.

That little sh*t is our enemy and we
destroy her by any means necessary.

That a problem?

Not at all.

Oh.

- Okay.
- [chuckles]

Are you sure?

I mean, did-did you
take more than one test?

I took a few.

[chuckles] Okay.

Well, um, how are you...

how are you feeling about it?

Scared. [sighs]

- Yeah. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

Um, excited.

I want to keep it.

Oh.

Uh.

That's great.

[stammers] I'm sorry.

[stammers] I'm just...

- I'm still processing everything. Um...
- No. Take-Take your time. Of course.

It's-It's just that...

I have spent two years

securing that commission
in the Netherlands.

- I'm excited. I don't wanna...
- I know. No, no, no, you should...

you should go.

[stammers] Of course, that's...

Of course you should still go.

I-I mean, work is important
for-for both of us.

I mean, I'm probably...

Honestly, I'm probably
gonna be really preoccupied

with the expansion anyway.

I mean, you know me, I'm
like work, work, work.

Are you sure?



All right, I'm back. Time
to work. Let's k*ll God.

Uh, Pop, I've got some bad
news about the expansion.

Mm-hmm?

David k*lled it.

What?

Yeah, it's complicated,
but... [sighs]

...he said something about

making the game more attractive
to foreign investors.

Then he compared us to
sex workers in a brothel.

[breathes heavily]

[distorted] Then he said we had to
wear perfume to attract suitors.

f*ck it.

Huh?

Let's build it anyway.

- Really?
- Yeah. The expansion is our baby.

Poppy Li, that's that
maternal instinct.

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

["I'm f*cking Pregnant" plays]