04x02 - 1000%

[bunniefuu]

[elevator whirring]

♪ Love in an elevator
Up when I'm goin' down ♪

♪ In the air, in the air Baby, one
more time 'cause it ain't fair ♪

[elevator bell dings]

[groans] I hate the basement.

[electricity crackles]

[water dripping]

- [creaking]
- [animal chitters]

[shudders]

[hiss]

[roars]

- [chittering continues]
- [whimpering]

[whimpers, pants]

- [sighs]
- [employee humming]

[clears throat] Hey, Sue.

- You wanted to see me? [exclaims]
- Hiya.

[giggles]

Sorry, who are you?
Uh, where is, uh...

- Hiya. [chuckles]
- [exclaims] What is happening?

- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

I see you met my
new coworker Jackie.

- Jackie?
- That's me.

- [chuckles]
- Huh? We're sisters.

- One of her sisters.
- Mm-hmm. [chuckles]

Oh. How many, uh,
sisters do you have?

- Fifty-six and growing.
- Fifty-six.

Yeah, well, our church is
just one big happy family.

- Oh! [chuckles] Your church. Okay.
- [both chuckle]

- Yeah, I-I get it. Yeah.
- There's Sister Debbie, Sister Cora,

Sister Gigi, Sister Jane,
Sister Mary, Sister Catherine...

It's fine. You don't have
to list all 56. [chuckles]

Oh, it's been so nice
having a coworker down here.

I mean, who needs a window when
you got this ray of sunshine?

- [chuckles] Not me.
- [chuckles]

- Although a window would be nice.
- Yeah.

- It would. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

You know, Jackie actually manages
our Playpen moderation team.

A thousand in India.

Moderation? Oh, okay. Right. Yeah.
Thousand people, that's a lot. [chuckles]

- There's Ravi, Rasha, Asmita, Nandita...
- Mm-hmm.

- Manoj... Hmm.
- Don't have to list all thousand.

[inhales sharply] So, Sue, did you
wanna talk to me about something?

- Yes. Fornication.
- [chuckles]

Uh, no.

Or... I don't know. I mean,
is this about sharing my seed?

- No!
- [chuckles]

- No, silly. No, it's about the game.
- Okay. [chuckling]

- Uh, here we go. [sighs]
- [characters squeaking, moaning]

Sorry. I... I don't understand.
What are they doing?

f*cking.

[squeaking, moaning continues]

- [characters squeaking, moaning]
- What is happening here?

Sex. Playpen users
are making sex games.

They actually call
them Condo games.

Whatever they're called, they're
violating the user agreement, okay?

- We can't have kids see these.
- David, kids make these.

They do? That's even worse.
[stammers] Sue told me that

every time the moderation
department takes one of these down,

five more pop up.

So have Carol hire more nerds
in the moderation department.

Yeah, some of us have
expansions to build.

We don't have the time or the
budget to hire a bunch of people.

This is not, you know, 2020.
The COVID bubble has burst.

Dude, the video game industry
made $56 billion last year.

Yeah, down from 60 billion.
We're down $4 billion.

Do we know if another
global pandemic is coming?

I don't know. I mean, we hope. I mean,
not for the death and all that stuff.

That's terrible. But
we made so much money.

We should just have AI do
the whole thing, right?

- 'Cause AI can...
- Oh, no, no.

Our AI model isn't
fully trained yet.

It's not ready to handle an
entire user-generated platform.

- Well, I wonder why that is.
- What's that supposed to mean?

Well, come on, Pop. I mean, you've
been a little distracted with the...

of that hunky
boyfriend of yours.

- [stammers] Look, and I'm cool with it.
- Are you?


your mind away from work.

When you are here, your
mind belongs to me... MQ.

So, this is just about my mind?



- That's a lot of percent.
- Can we please get back to work?

David, what difference does
it make if the AI is ready?

I mean, were we "ready"
to go to the moon?

No, 'cause we didn't. [chuckles]

I saw a whole documentary
about it, okay?

I saw someone summarizing a
documentary on TikTok, but still.

Okay, see, this is the exact kind
of thing that I'm talking about.

AI does not waste time with
crackpot conspiracy theories

or slamming a*s with hunky
boyfriends. [stammers, sighs]

AI is binary. Decisive.
Everything that you're not.

Excuse me, I'm decisive.

You know, how is this for decisive? We
are gonna embrace AI for moderators.

David, no. You-You
can't just unleash it.

You have to train it with
rules and parameters.

I will help train it. I'll g...
I'll get... grab a team of people.

I'll order them to do it
'cause I am in charge. Clearly.

[narrator] One of the greatest
achievements of mankind

is when we landed on
the moon. Or did we?

- What is this? Oh, come on.
- Just watch a little.

Open your minds to the truth.

David, you're not even in
charge of this meeting.

- I... Well... She has the controller.
- [Ian] I'm gonna call it. It's adjourned.

- If you could send me that link.
- [Rachel] I got you.

- I do think that's fascinating. Okay.
- [Rachel] Yeah, absolutely.

- Morning.
- Morning.

Enough chitchat. What
do you got for me?

I've gathered all the data
for your upcoming meeting.

- It's all collated and organized.
- [Dana] What meeting?

With Rachel. To
talk about the dog?

How did you even know we were
talking about getting a dog?

Rachel and I are
BFFs. She told me.

I mean, I guessed.

I looked through her texts to gain
advantage in the relationship.

- I taught her that.
- Damn.

Who needs a cup of coffee
when I got you two?

So, I made a binder for you

with all of the available
dogs within a 50-mile radius.

Thanks. I mean,
it's gonna be tricky

because I want a purebred
and Rache wants a rescue.

Jo, some of these dogs look
like they still have owners.

That won't be a problem.

Okay. Now she's teaching me.

Brad, where we at
with getting me paid?

Working on it. All right.

So, my plan is to get an in-game
economy implemented for Playpen.

One that rewards creators
like you with cold, hard cash.

Great. Start making moves, Bobby Fischer.
French bulldogs don't grow on trees.

It'll be easy. I just need to
catch David in a vulnerable moment.

Hi, I'm in trouble and I need
your help. All of you. Right now.

Uh-oh, sounds serious.

Oh, my Polish-Indian friend,
it's more than serious.

It's ethical.

Welcome back, Ethics Committee!

- [Mikey] First time, buddy.
- [all groaning]

[David] Huh? Here we are again.

Hey, sequel is always better
than the original, right?

[David, Mikey chuckle]

- What about Jurassic Park?
- Speed?

- Jaws?
- I can feel the energy. Feels good.

All right, let's talk sex.

- [Brad] Hmm?
- [David] Okay?

We got sex games
popping up in Playpen.

Now, I have made the bold decision to
embrace AI moderators to combat them.

So, you called us here to tell us
you made your first bold decision.

[laughs] Carol coming in with
the snipe. I love it. I love it.

So, we're gonna talk about
the rules the AI will follow.

Why us?

Why not us?

Yeah, we're-we're a group
diverse in-in age, race, gender,

opinions about the moon landing.

Uh, we got some fresh faces here, you
know. Some less fresh than others.

- Are the computers gonna take our jobs?
- Oh, no. I just figured out how to do it.

You just figured out
how to do your job?

- No.
- No.

As head of human resources,
I welcome the robots.

You wanna know why? 'Cause
robots follow rules,

and they don't play
grab-a*s in the bathroom.

Look, guys... [stammers] no one
is gonna lose their jobs, okay?

At least not in this room.

I'm sorry. This is a huge
waste of Ms. Bryant's time.

Thank you. I was gonna say that.

I'm glad I could take
that off your plate, Boss.

Hey, David, I have a simple solution
that'll fix everything. It involves...

- Money.
- No,

it involves creating a new economy in
Playpen that rewards players with...

- Money.
- No, Playpennies.

A new in-game currency that allows
creators like Dana to get paid...

Money. Brad, look, money is
not the answer to everything.

- Yeah, it is.
- It's much simpler. No.

- The-The answer, guys, is people.
- [sighs]

Teaching computers how to
help people on computers.

- In India.
- Yeah. See, he gets it, right?

Don't get it. You're flailing.

No, this is... this is going well.
Let's get ethical. [chuckles]

- [typing]
- [Ian] The expansion should culminate

in one giant PvP battle between
the Golden Army of Elysium

and the dark forces of
the great almighty...

Done!

What do you mean done?
We-We just started.

What? Oh, were you talking?
I wasn't listening to you.

- I was working on my own thing.
- [computer chimes]

This.

- What am I looking at?
- My mind.

You said that's all
you wanted, right?

And since I've been so
"distracted" lately,

I made you an AI
version of my mind.

I fed it all of my personal data,
preferences, personality type.

I even gave it my voice.

I call it Poppy 2.

Hello, Ian. What can
I build for you today?

It does sound like you.

Now you have access
to my brain 24/7.

And lucky for you, Poppy 2
will never get a boyfriend.

She also never needs
to sleep, shower, pee.

You already don't do
most of those things.

Har har.

Har har?

Yes. That's how you laugh when
you're laughing ironically

and don't actually think
that something's funny.

But it just sounds
weird in your accent.

All right. I'm gonna go
get lunch with Storm.

Come on, Pop. This
is ridiculous.

[stammers] A computer
can never replace you.

You literally just argued
this morning that it could.

Go on, ask it a question.

Okay.

Poppy 2, you look up to
your older sister, right?

Tracy can eat sh*t.

Wow. That's pretty good.

Have fun working
on the expansion.

Don't do anything
A-I wouldn't do.

[laughs]

Was that a joke? [stammers]
Don't... Don't do jokes, Pop.

Would you like me
to turn off jokes?

- You can do that?
- Certainly.

- [computer chimes]
- Jokes are off now.

Yes. [chuckles] Yes.

- [squeaking, moaning]
- Okay. Well, this is clearly offensive.

It goes on the SMART
board. [chuckles]

I'm loving this thing, by the
way. I mean, look at this.

Technology really does change
our lives for the better.

You can pinch this thing,
toggle it, touch it.

All things Playpen characters
shouldn't be able to do to each other.

Yes. See, we're making
progress here, huh?

People helping computers help people.
Are we starting to get it now?

- No.
- No, not at all.

No? Okay. Well, either
way. Uh, next slide.

Oh, come on. That's
a no-brainer.

I mean, two people laying in
bed together, that's, uh...

- That goes on the board. Banned.
- Whoa, wait. What about Nap Time?

- What's Nap Time?
- That's one of our most popular games.

It's a game where strangers
take naps together.

- That's a game?
- Yeah.

- Super popular.
- Not as popular as mine.

I do play it though. It's dope.

Okay. So they can be in the
same bed, but no touching.

Sounds like my marriage.

[David] And we should ban
any sexy positions, right?

I mean, like, no heads
near crotches. Yes.

- Well, there goes Wagon Wheel.
- What is Wagon Wheel?

It's where two people
link up head to crotch,

and they roll down
a hill like a wheel.

Why would anyone do that?

'Cause people are freaks.

[sighs] Okay. Um, got a lot
of games here. [chuckles]

Uh, it's fine. I
can be decisive.

Gonna be bold and the bold
decision is we gotta order dinner.

- [all] No. [clamoring]
- I think. Yeah, I'm sorry. We gotta...

David, I can't be staying late.

I know, you gotta go
home to your kids.

No, I don't have my kids this week.
Carol trying to get her drink on.

Carol, please. Andy
here is recovering.

Oh, no, no. It's okay.

- People can get their drink on. Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

Just about turning it off,
which is my personal obstacle.

I'm sorry, Andy. You
may be in recovery

but... [scoffs] ...Carol's
on struggle street.

[scoffs] Staying late. Teaching
a computer to act like a person.

Got my kids acting up.

Paying my ex alimony
to go to pastry school.

Eleven years of marriage, I
never got so much as a strudel

or a decent piece of
d*ck. I'm fit to be tied.

Uh, David, Carol said
d*ck. Should we adjourn?

[stammers] She's venting, let
her vent. She's frustrated.

The world's a frustrating place,
right? I mean, I'm frustrated,

but I don't even know half the games
we're making here at Playpen. Jesus.

Wait a second.

What if we just vent?

- Yes. Let's all vent, huh?
- [Mikey] Hmm.

And then we take what we
don't like about the world,

and we ban it in the game.

Yeah. If we hate it here,
then let's ban it here, right?

Ban it in the game. Make
the game a safe space.

I hate safe spaces.

Okay, great. Let's ban 'em. [chuckles]
Yes. Come on, give me something else.

What do we not like? Let's vent.

- This meeting.
- Okay. Less helpful, but...

David, are we having a good
old-fashioned b*tch sesh?

- 'Cause that I can stay for.
- Yes.

Yes. Let's b*tch. Although, we
should probably put away our phones.

- Phones in bags now.
- [all clamoring]

Of course, we'll need a mechanic

to make sure that the players can
get back to the main story chain

if there's any unfinished
business. Or...

Ooh!

What if they came back as
guardian angels? Do you like that?

- [American accent] I love it.
- [chuckles] I knew you would.

Wow. Looks like you
two are getting along.

We are on fire. It's amazing
how much more you can get done

when you eliminate distractions.

- Right, Pop 2?
- You said it, partner.

Hold on. What's going on with my
voice? W-Why does it sound like that?

Yeah, I-I noodled with it a little
bit. I got rid of the accent.

I added some movie references and, uh,
just got rid of the sass in general.

You noodled with my brain?

You gave it to me.

- Change it back.
- Look, I don't even know why you care.

We-We both get what we want.

You get to spend
hours with Storm,

and I get a partner that doesn't
leave candy wrappers behind

or make sassy comments about
how my ideas are impossible.

Oh, you think I'm difficult to work with?
You should try working with yourself.

Actually...

- What are you doing?
- I'm building an AI version of you.

- Oh, I get it.
- [typing]

So that you can work with
him and make me jealous.

[laughs] No.

So that you can work with him

and see what I've had to
put up with all these years.

Poppy, my brain cannot be
replicated. Many have tried.

Of course, it can.

You literally never stop talking
about what's in your head.

All I have to do is feed the AI
the hundreds of pages of notes

that I've taken while
you're in flow state.

All the interviews you've done.
Your relentless social media posts.

I'll whip you up in no time.

Okay. Fine. You know what? I
would love to work with myself.

The progress will be
exponentially immeasurable.

Oh, wow. Yeah, that reminds me.

I have to ratchet up the
arrogance to a thousand percent.

[sighs] Okay. You know what?
If you wanna be petty about it,

why don't you work
with Pop 2 for a while?

In fact, maybe I'll change
her settings back to...

to all her... [Australian
accent] snarky comments.

Snacky? Snacky comments?

- Snarky. [stammers]
- Sna...

[normal voice] I'm doing
your accent for effect.

- Snarky.
- [Australian accent] Snar... Snarky.

You know what? I would
love to work with Poppy 2.

I bet we'll get more
done than you. And boom.

[computer chimes]

Hello. How can I
inspire you today?

Enjoy that. I'll take Poppy


and you two can jerk
each other off in here.

[groans]

[normal voice] You're so crass.

I'm sorry you have
to deal with her.

What a w*nk*r.

That doesn't really work with
an American accent, does it?

Yeah. I mean, I think... I
think most of that works,

but what I'm getting stuck on is
when you die and go to Elysium,

how do you get back to
the main story chain?

Sometimes when I hit a snag,

I find it helpful to get out
of my head and into my body.

Into our bodies. Great
idea. Like some push-ups?

- Awesome.
- Awesome.

Let's record it so we can
really dial in our form.

[exhales sharply]
Poppy never records it.

- Awesome.
- Awesome.

I'll get going on the
dynamic populations.

You get started on the
persistence versioning.

Great. I love versioning.
I'm really good at it.

It's actually the second-best
thing we're good at.

- [chuckles]
- Yeah, it is.

High five. Oh. [grunts] Sorry!

It's okay. I do my
best work on my back.

[exclaims]

Yeah, let's blue-sky
some heavenly weapons.

- That's a great idea.
- [pants, chuckles] I-I love the energy,

but you don't have to agree
with everything I say.

- One million percent.
- [pants]

[sighs] Yeah, that's...
that's too many percent, man.

Okay.

I modified the player progression
system. Where you at with the versioning?

I came up with 10,000
more double entendres

for use around the
office and with friends.

What? Why? Just finish
the job I assigned.

Don't worry, I always finish
the job. Just ask your dad.

Okay. That is way over the
line. Seriously, get on it.

Oh, I'll get on it and off it and on
it and off it and on it and off it.

I'm referring, of course,
to your father's p*nis.

Stop it! Double entendres off!

- I hear ethereal music.
- Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And-And-And fields of
gold and... a-and feasts of ambrosia.

Yes. And a lake of fire to
drown the souls of the damned.

Yes. Yes. In heaven?

I'm off heaven. Hell.

- We should do hell instead.
- No.

- I've just come up with that idea...
- [scoffs]

and it's way better.

- So, we're just gonna do that.
- No. No, no. [chuckles]

No, man. No, no, no.

We've-We've been talking about heaven
and we're-we're gonna do heaven.

We're not gonna pivot, all
right? So, pull up the notes

and I can remember where I
was, and we can go from there.

I don't do notes.

Oh, this f*cking guy.

[committee clamoring]

You know what I miss?
Shame. There's no shame.

- The Catholic church had it figured out.
- What about accountability?

- Whatever happened to accountability?
- [all clamoring]

- That's a big one.
- [Brad] Where'd it go? Where'd it go?

Like, they messed up my
sauce tonight for dinner.

But if I call the restaurant,
they tell me to call the app.

If I call the app,

- they say call the restaurant.
- Restaurant.

No one takes accountability.

Meanwhile, I'm eating
ranch with my bibimbap.

I feel discriminated against
just for being a millennial.

- I am so sick of Gen Z hating on us.
- Yes.

Like, so what? I like to
use my hands when I dance.

That doesn't make me "cringe."

- Can we make the word cringe a slur?
- It's on there. Yeah.

You know what I miss?
Using yellow emojis.

- Hmm?
- [David] Hmm.

Is that r*cist?

It's no... I-It's not a race thing.
It's just... It's just an emoji.

- Paper straws.
- [groans]

- [Andy] Paper and water...
- Yes.

- Don't mix.
- Absolutely.

This goes in. It all goes
in. I'm loving this, guys.

- Put it on the board. [chuckles]
- [Carol] Okay. Safe circle?

- Safe circle.
- Yeah.

- Safe circle.
- I'm gonna say it.

- Teachers got it too easy, okay?
- Hmm.

I am paying through
the teeth for tuition

and yet they close the school every
other week for a "professional day."

How about you be professional
and teach my child?

Unions have a stranglehold
on this country.

No professional days. No unions.
On the board. Oh, this is great.

Okay. David, David, David,
this isn't gonna work, okay?

We're not dealing with people
here. We're dealing with children.

And children don't follow rules.

The only way to get children to
behave is to give them an allowance

- and then threaten to take it away.
- Brad, stop pitching Playpennies, okay?

We're tired of hearing about
Play... We have momentum, you know,

- we're snapping, we're banning things.
- [sighs]

We got multiple layers. You know how
much is on this SMART board right now?

Let me show you something. Okay?

- [all exclaiming]
- Okay?

- [Brad] Show me again.
- Yes! Look at that.

- Oh, one more. Yes.
- [exclaiming continues]

I mean, come on. We got work.

A lot of great work so
maybe we can go home?

- We could.
- [Rachel] Right? 'Cause it's pretty late.

- Well... [stammers]...it feels early.
- [Rachel] It's...

- No, no, it's late. It's not.
- Oh, yeah, it is late.

- Okay. Well, you know what...
- [Rachel] Yeah.

I think we made a lot of progress. This
is enough for AI to go off of, right?

- Yay, humans.
- [Rachel] Okay!

Humans teaching computers. Helping.
Does anyone get what I'm saying still?

- [all clamoring]
- No? Ah, that's all right. Fine. Hey.

All right, so let's put the,
uh... the unions thing and the...

Yeah, we'll get all that and... [stammers]
This thing's not working for some reason.

Uh. Is there a button
or something that, uh...

- [all groaning]
- We lose something? What?

- What happened?
- I'm sure it's backed up somewhere.

[groans] Except we took
the board off of the Wi-Fi

when we were having that
"sensitive discussion."

Wasn't that your
bold idea, David?

No, no, no. No. Come on.
Come on. Work for Daddy.

David on his knees is a
natural stopping point.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- No, uh, wait. Please, guys.

Come on, everyone had good
ideas. We gotta start again.

Uh, what did you say
about the yellow emojis?

Which one's r*cist?

- [Andy] What about podcasts? Huh?
- I'm so glad that meeting is over.

I've been holding
that fart for hours.

Aw. We're lucky to
have her in our lives.

{\an8}Don't forget your dog binder, Miss
Bryant. And just so it's been said,

{\an8}laundering a purebred
through a rescue shelter

{\an8}is always an option.
Wouldn't be my first time.

You're a damn good
assistant, Jo.

Too good.

Someone with your drive and ambition
could be doing so much more.

Are you firing me?

No, I am challenging you to think
beyond this job. To be more.

I can help you get there.

I guess what I'm asking...

What do you wanna be?

- Long night.
- Hmm. You said it.

[chuckles] At least you
can get that drink now.

No, too late for me.

Too late? Oh, congrats. You're
definitely not an alcoholic.

[both chuckle]

Well, if you ever need an ear to
listen without judgment, you know,

I'm good for a club soda and lime.
You know, good practice for me.

And, hey, if we were teachers,

we would have been at
the bar six hours ago.

- [laughs] Okay. You're right about that.
- [chuckles]

[both chuckle]

- [sighs] You know what? I'm down.
- [sighs]

- Why not?
- Yeah. Why not?

- [sighs] Pop.
- [Poppy] What?

- Open the door. I wanna talk.
- I can't do that.

[clicks tongue, sighs] Okay. Look...
[stammers] ...you were right.

Working with myself
is challenging.

My... [sighs] ...boundless
enthusiasm can be exhausting and...

Okay, maybe I'm not
handling the boyfriend thing

as well as I've been
putting on. I...

And maybe I miss
more than your brain.

Less than your body, to be clear. I
don't know. It's all so confusing.

I just...

[sighs]

I feel like I'm losing you,
and I don't know what to do,

and it's making me
do stupid things.

I'm acting like a
child and I'm...

sorry.

Poppy, this is where
you say something.

Fight back,
reciprocate. Something.

[sighs] I'm gonna send you
to some social classes,

like friendship island or sh*t

because I just don't think
you understand exactly...

Hi, Ian. What can I
build for you today?

- Poppy!
- [exclaims, groans] What time is it?

- The time is 12:47 a.m.
- Oh, shut up!

I cannot work with her anymore
or me or whatever. [sighs]

She's always sassing me, and
her voice is really irritating.

I'm sorry I've been
so distracted lately.

I promise I'll be a better partner.
Can we just get back to work?

[exclaims] We don't
really do apologies,

- so... [chuckles]
- Okay. [chuckles]

What should we do about this?

- You wanna smash 'em?
- Yes.

- Okay.
- [chuckles]

That would be unwise.

Playpennies?

- [Jackie] ♪ You are my sunshine ♪
- Big ideas from the big boss. [chuckles]

- ♪ My only sunshine ♪
- Wasn't my idea. It was Brad's.

- ♪ You make me happy ♪
- [David sighs]

- ♪ When skies are gray... ♪
- Does she have to be singing?

Well, you said you wanted
privacy, and it's a small office.

Gotta get creative. [chuckles]

Right. Anyway, uh,
that's the plan.

We're combining AI moderators
with an incentive program

to encourage players
to follow the rules.

Well, it'll certainly lighten
the team in India's workload.

Actually, it'll eliminate their workload.
You need to fire them, like, today.

- And then you need to fire Jackie.
- [singing continues]

Oh, gee. Well, that's a terrible
job. Um... [clears throat]

Hey, do you think that
the AIs could just...

Sorry, Sue. Yeah, this
is a job for humans.

Just, uh, not this human.

[clears throat]

- Be bold, Sue.
- ♪ Please don't take my sunshine away... ♪

Hey, Jacks.