02x02 - The Uncompromising Gatekeeper

[bunniefuu]

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
In today's world.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
Fully-immersive

virtual reality experiences

dominate the gaming landscape,

giving the players
a new way to play.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
Now,

they can finally
become denizens

of their favorite
fictional worlds.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
In a market over-saturated

with VR games,

only one boasts more than

thirty-million players
world-wide.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
It's considered the definitive

triple-A experience.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
A place for true pioneers.

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
Shangri-La Frontier!

THE UNCOMPROMISING GATEKEEPER

[RAKURO]
Oh yeah,

the workshop's
gotta be down there.

[BILAC]
Mm-hmm.

[BILAC] Which is where
we're supposed to

find that marjik oppleration
zoonit, right?

-Hmm.
-Hm?

[clangs]

It seems awfully deep to me.

[RAKURO]
Hmm.

[RAKURO]
Given the loud clang,

doesn't sound
like a cushy landing.

[RAKURO]
What's the play?

[KEI]
Well, I've got a rope.

[RAKURO]
Hey, that's awesome!

[RAKURO]
Hand it over and we'll...

[gasps]

[BOTH]
Friends help friends,

isn't that right,
super-ultra-best-buddy?

[Rakuro screaming]

[KEI]
Not so fast!

[chuckles]

[Rakuro groans]

It's not nice to leave
your friends on "read,"

and your impulse
to flee on sight tells me

you already knew that, huh?

You got any last words,
birdbrain?

[RAKURO]
Man, you people.

[RAKURO]
How the hell'd you find me?

Do you not remember

filling the Inventoria
with Crystal Scorpion mats?

[Rakuro gasps]

I don't know
how you got so many,

but I intend to
t*rture that outta you

when we get back to town.

What I do know is
those mobs only spawn

in the Crystal Nest Cliff zone,
ya turd!

[RAKURO]
Oh man, that's right!

[RAKURO]
I forgot I share the Inventoria

with these two slippery snakes!

We figured that you were
trying push further

into the story campaign
without us,

so we thought
we'd head you off here

at the Ruins of Past Glories!

[RAKURO]
I was careless!

Who in the heck
are these people, anyway?

They've gone on adventures
with Sunraku before!

Oh yes, that's right!

They're my most precious pawns.
Friends, I mean friends.

[RAKURO, BILAC]
Big Freudian avalanche, much?

What about them?

I wanna know more about

this black cat
and rabbit, myself.

Ah, an excellent question,
my friend!

I am the swordsmaster
the "Wild Wind."

[BILAC] We don't have time
for your whole dumb intro.

[RAKURO]
Oh, those guys?

[RAKURO]
They're that thing

that remains
outside of your grasp

no matter how hard
you long for it.

[RAKURO]
Unique quest NPCs.

Bilac the blacksmith.

[RAKURO]
And the hat wearing cat.

You may call me Aramiys!

[TOWA]
Mm-hmm.

I'd say you're making
pretty good progress, then.

Unique, huh?

Unique!

[RAKURO] It gets worse
by the day, doesn't it?

[KEI] Damn you! Why am I
the only freaking pioneer

who can't find one?

Luck does play
a fairly significant role

in these things, you know?

[RAKURO]
We can talk about

our little email debacle
later, okay?

[RAKURO] I'm fine
with being your pawn, too.

[RAKURO]
Just help me out, would ya?

[KEI] Huh?
[TOWA] Hm?

[RAKURO] It's about
the Non-Standard Ether Reactor.

[RAKURO]
To fulfill the conditions

to be able to repair it,

we need a special item

called the magic operations
unit.

[RAKURO]
Unfortunately for us,

there's a good chance
it's down there.

[RAKURO]
I nominate the Great Oikatzo

to be our expert
bungee-spelunker.

Huh?

[KEI]
Don't drag me into this!

[KEI]
Do it yourself, bro!

Oh yeah, I'm gonna have to side

with the blue pigeon
on this one.

Get in the dang hole, Katzo!

Really?

You turned on me
just like that?

So messed up.

Well, what choice
do I have, right?

[rope straining]

[KEI]
If I string 'em together,

I should be able
to make it to the bottom.

Pretty ballsy
to dive into the unknown

the way they did.

If he hears anything,

he'll be scrambling
right back up.

They really are pawns to you,
aren't they?

[Kei grunts]

[gasps]

[grunts]

Whoa, this basement's giving me
some real sci-fi vibes.

You're good!

I don't see any hostiles
or mobs of any kind!

[RAKURO]
Okay.

[RAKURO]
Down the big scary hole we go!

I gotta say,
I'm a bit surprised.

The outside
just screamed "ruins,"

but the facility itself
is still humming away

under all the rubble.

I wasn't expecting it to be
this bright, either.

[alarm blaring]

[RAKURO]
That's not a great sound.

Um, well, I guess we know
security's still humming, too.

[whirring]

Hm?

[thuds]

[whirring]

Th'hell is that?

Does this thing remind you guys
of Wethermon, or is it just me?

[BILAC]
What'd you say?

[RAKURO]
Man, I sure hope not.

[RAKURO] I can't handle another
thirty-minute session

with an emotionally
unstable bro-bot.

[KEI]
I see what you mean.

[KEI] It's definitely got that
"high-tech robot" feel.

[grunts]

I don't think we're getting
through that door

unless we pull its plug.

[RAKURO]
Yeah.

[RAKURO] I'm betting
that's the workshop.

[RAKURO]
Our little buddy there

has gotta be
the main gatekeeper.

Boss,

you think we can handle
a mini-Wethermon?

[ARAMIYS]
Oh, my dark and lovely maiden.

[ARAMIYS]
There's no need to fear.

[ARAMIYS]
When faced with the majesty

of my swordsmanship,

all will crumble before me!

[ARAMIYS]
Sworvant Solo,

Primal Slash!

[fires]

[swoosh]

Huh?

[whirring]

I do realize that the distance

may have cost us
a bit of oomph.

But still, it was repelled?

That's a whole other level

compared to those golems
up top.

[TOWA]
It won't be an issue.

Hm?

You're lucky enough
to be in a party

with three people
who took out a Colossus.

Wolfgang is here
to squash all fear!

It's our first joint operation,
boys!

CLAN WOLFGANG

[RAKURO] Who's got four arms
and wants to die?

[RAKURO]
Let's hit it!

[RAKURO]
Vorpal Blade Tech,

Moon's Reflection
Version Three!

Genius way to pull aggro,
my guy!

[RAKURO] And now we have
an opening to rush right in!

[RAKURO] Down here,
wall-running is a must!

[grunts]

[RAKURO]
He's got beams, too?

I gotcha now!

Great, you're wide open!

[grunts]

Nice!

Got yourself a pretty strong
shield, don't 'cha?

[RAKURO]
It's in there!

[fires]

[RAKURO]
Hello!

[RAKURO]
Typical gatekeeper.

[RAKURO]
He puts guarding the entrance

over beating his enemies.

[grunts]

But.

[screams]

That might not be
the smartest move,

you flashy bucket 'o bolts!

[ARAMIYS]
Sworvant Solo!

Add Spell, now!

[ARAMIYS] Primal Slash!
[EMUL] Magic Edge!

[firing]

[cracks]

[chuckles softly]

[chuckles]

[stomps]

All right.

Comin' in with the alley-oop!

All or.

[TOWA]
Nothing!

[stabs]

ALL OR NOTHING

[grunts]

[thuds]

[RAKURO] I'm gonna bet
you're a tough nut to crack

when you're fighting a party
that's well-balanced.

[RAKURO]
Too bad for you.

[RAKURO]
Our little party.

[RAKURO] Is nothing but some
try-hard DPSers.

[explodes]

Have some Titan Blast, bro!

Dark Overstrike, let's go!

[RAKURO]
Eat my Glowing Pierce!

I can't believe we won
by just dog-piling it.

When a party is DPS only,

it usually
doesn't go very well.

Sunraku!

Dearest maiden!

[RAKURO]
That was easy-peasy!

[sighs]

[laughs]

[all laugh]

I knew you could handle it!

Gatekeeper is down,
and not a single scratch!

[RAKURO]
Is this the fancy "main weapon"

you've been
hiding away in storage?

Yep, sure is!

The Holy Spear
known as Caledfwlch.

Just one of the only five
Hero Weapons in the game,

B-T-Dubs.

Owning this bad boy unlocks
the Hero job for the player.

You have no idea
the trouble I had to go through

to get this sweet
wittle golden beauty!

[RAKURO] If this makes you
one of SLF's heroes,

we're all freakin' doomed.

Come on, don't talk like that!

Heroes are just glorified
assassins and you know it!

[RAKURO]
Justify it however you want.

[groans]

I keep whiffin' it, you guys!

[powers down]

I didn't realize you were
still struggling over there.

[RAKURO] Aren't you the one
who was bragging

about having a new skill
that could open it?

I do!

But "new" means
it's only level one,

so my success rate
is super low, okay?

[breathes deeply]

My Treasure Hunter skill.

Use "Ruin Sense."

RUIN SENSE APPRAISE RUINS
AND UNLOCK HOW THEY WORK

[KEI]
Ow!

[KEI]
Failed again.

[RAKURO]
Do I have time for a bath?

[RAKURO] I really hoped
four-arms back there

would have dropped
a key-card or something.

[RAKURO]
Joke's on me!

[RAKURO] I guess
they want us to work for it.

It's all up to the RNG gods.

[RAKURO]
Random number generator.

[RAKURO] Are those memories,
or waking nightmares?

Speaking of bad luck,

I recall they've never been
very kind to you, have they?

All-Heart Chronicle, that was
the stupid game, right?

[TOWA]
You couldn't pull the one item

you needed to cure
the female protag's illness,

so you spent
three weeks straight

doing RNG checks to no avail.

[RAKURO] Thanks for
the reminder, friend!

-Hm?
-Hm?

[RAKURO] By the end there,
it was more like

the "Rakuro
Fall-Apart Chronicle."

[Towa laughs]

[RAKURO]
Hey, Katzo!

[RAKURO]
Would you land

your friggin'
skill check already!

[RAKURO]
You're dredging up trauma

that I'd like to repress, here!

[beeps]

[beeps]

[RAKURO]
Huh?

[door opens]

Analysis completed!

From what I can tell,

the lock is set to open
if it scans

a functional Legacy Weapon
in your inventory.

Well,
guess that's the difference

between you and me, bird-boy.

[RAKURO]
That's big talk from a guy

who hasn't found
a single unique scenario.

[growls]

[TOWA] Whoa!
This is awesome!

[EMUL]
It's remarkably huge!

[Rakuro choking]

Definitely some kind of lab.

Let's find that special item,
fellas!

This place has
some hidden rares,

I can just smell 'em!

[RAKURO] Get your sniffers
and peepers ready,

'cause we need to search
every nook and cranny.

[gasps]

[RAKURO]
That magic operations unit

has gotta be here somewhere!

[chokes]

Someone's real excited, huh?

Just eager to get
his toys working, I'm sure.

Leave it to me!

I'll find boss's zoonit
in no time!

I think we may
be here for a while.

Hmm.

[gasps]

[RAKURO]
A hologram?

[RAKURO] Well you're kinda
freaky-looking, aren't ya?

[RAKURO]
It's givin' me the ick.

[RAKURO]
Is this the enemy

the ancient civilization
was trying to fight?

[RAKURO]
I know that symbol, right?

[RAKURO]
Yeah, it's an omega.

[RAKURO]
These are usually reserved

to mark ultimate weapons,
boss mobs, stuff like that.

[RAKURO]
Huh.

[RAKURO] I still can't get
a grip on this crazy lore.

-Hey.
-Oh yeah, I know.

You know what?

[BOTH] Oh, we're-just-goofin'
around, that's all!

Hm?

[TOWA]
This is gonna be

a "needle-in-a-haystack"
scenario, isn't it?

[Kei sighs]

[KEI]
It's an important item, right?

[KEI] Of course it's not
gonna be easy to find.

I mean, do we even know
what the darn thing looks like?

Yeah, I do.

It's called
a marjik oppleration zoonit,

and it's about this big around.

[EMUL] Hey Sunraku!
Over here!

[RAKURO]
Hm?

What do you think?

Don't I look simply stunning?

[RAKURO] Hey,
what have you gotten into?

[EMUL] I found it
under that desk over there!

[EMUL]
It complements my outfit!

[Emul chuckles]

[RAKURO] I hate to say it,
but it looks kinda trashy.

[RAKURO]
Throw it out right now.

[grunts]

And it's about like.

Hm?

[RAKURO]
Honesty hurts sometimes.

[gasp]

[BILAC]
That.

It's just like that!

[RAKURO] What?
Come again?

[EMUL]
Hm?

[BILAC] Emul's wearing it
like a silly old hat!

[Bilac chuckles excitedly]

Guys!

This here is
the marjik oppleration zoonit

we've been tryin' to find
this whole darn time!

[RAKURO]
Are you kidding me?

[EMUL] And can you believe
I'm the one who found it?

[Aramiys chuckles]

[ARAMIYS] I'd expect nothing
less of my maiden's sister!

[BILAC]
Way to go, sis!

[BILAC]
I can use this to learn

all about Divinity-era weapons!

[RAKURO] Woo-hoo!
You're the best, Emul!

[Rakuro laughs]

[RAKURO] Yo Bilac!
Time is money!

[RAKURO] Let's head back
to Rabituza and get to...

[TOWA] We know you're trying
to give us the slip.

[TOWA] If you think you can
bluster your way outta here,

you're dead wrong.

[KEI]
I seem to remember

you agreeing
to talk about our emails.

[RAKURO] Who the heck
wants to meet little ol' me?

Ever since we put the beat down
on Wethermon together,

everyone and their mom
knows we're friends,

and I'd be lying if I said
it was anything

other than a monumental
pain in my a*s.

[TOWA]
Mm-hmm.

Ugh, you have no idea
what it's like

to be surrounded
by a feral crowd,

day after day, as they beg
like crazed fanatics

for any kinda info on
"that adorable little rabbit"

and "the naked bird-guy
Sunraku."

[Rakuro sighs]

And as for me,

I've got the head
of Schwarz Vulf

flanked by the Attack Master,

trying to negotiate deets
about our fight with Wethermon.

[RAKURO] Great!
Sounds like a you problem.

[RAKURO]
Wait.

[RAKURO] That's what
you wanted to talk about?

[RAKURO] So the Library folks
haven't come to see you yet?

What? The Library?
Like, the big lore clan?

[RAKURO]
Oh crap!

How dare you!

Did you sell me out to that
old man with a loli avatar?

How could you do that to me?

[TOWA]
Now I'm gonna have to answer

a bunch of his weird
and obnoxious questions!

[RAKURO] Look, I'm just trying
to enjoy the game too, okay?

Come on!
I just.

Hmm.

[TOWA]
Actually, this could work.

[RAKURO]
What's important here

is I finally got
the magic operations unit

I need to move
this event along!

[KEI] Does he have to be there
to make this thing work?

[BILAC]
Nah.

[BILAC]
I can handle it all by myself.

[Rakuro gasps]

You hear that?

Loud and clear.

[RAKURO]
Bilac, gimme a break!

Not like I give a damn
either way.

Unlike all the ways
I give a damn about you,

my sweet, chocolate maiden!

Would you buzz off already,
jerk?

[ARAMIYS]
Love is pain!

That settles it.

You can leave
the magic operations unit

with your little
bunny friend here.

The rest of us can head
back to Eighthold.

We can work out
the details later.

[RAKURO] No way I'm gettin'
outta this one, huh, pal?

Nuh-uh.

Oh my gosh, bro.
Really?

[TOWA] Do you have to wear
that stupid sheet

every time you're in town?

[RAKURO]
What do you want from me?

[RAKURO] This is the best way
to hide my appearance

from the random street gawkers.

[RAKURO] And it's classified
as a piece of headgear,

so I can actually wear it
despite Lycagon's Mark.

I assumed prowling
the streets half-naked

was kinda your "thing."

[RAKURO]
Oh, is that what you think?

[RAKURO]
News flash!

[RAKURO] I wanna wear
cool equipment too!

[RAKURO]
Damn, man.

[RAKURO]
I'm playing a sandbox MMO,

I should be able to dress
however the hell I want!

Just get us
to an alley already, pal,

there's hardly any room for me
to freakin' breathe in here!

[ARAMIYS]
Fair Maiden!

[ARAMIYS] There's always room
for you in my arms!

You guys okay with me takin'

this marjik oppleration zoonit
back to my forge in Rabituza?

[RAKURO] Sure!
Hop to it, friend!

[RAKURO] Can't wait to meet
Ancient Craftsman Bilac.

[RAKURO] Thanks for your help,
too, Aramiys.

Whenever my maiden is in need,
I'll always come running!

Post haste!

All right, we'll get outta
your feathers boss.

C'mon, ya big knucklehead.

[groans]

Farewell!

[door shuts]

[RAKURO]
Honestly,

I wish you'd stayed in Rabituza
with your sister and the cat.

You want to
leave me behind again?

That's not fair!

[RAKURO] It's not you,
I'm just worried about

what they're cookin' up
back there.

We've actually got something
in mind for you too, Emul.

We're gonna need you
to stick with us.

[KEI]
Mm-hmm.

[RAKURO]
For Emul?

[chuckles]
[smiles]

[growls]

[gasps]

I...

Fuh.
Fuh.

Found you.

Now, you're mine!

[RAKURO]
What the.

[screams]

[ANIMALIA]
Hello, Emul!

[screaming]

[Rakuro screams]

[ANIMALIA]
Emul!

[Animalia laughs]

[KIDS]
SLF Theater!

Mini!

[light switches on]

WHAT'S YOUR PLAYSTYLE IN A GAME?

Logical.
And very thorough.

DID YOU KNOW "ACQUA PAZZA"
MEANS "CRAZY WATER"?

Oh?

I always wondered
what "acqua pazza" meant.

Wait, who cares?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT SUNRAKU-SAN?

Oh, you mean the guy who got me
into the trash game swamp?

Scratch that,
the dude dragged me in.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT PENCILGON-SAN?

You don't want her against you,

but having her on your side
is even worse.

She's a problem.

DO YOU KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

BOUILLABAISSE AND ACQUA PAZZA?

No, I can't say that I do.

Hey, what's with your obsession
with European cuisine,

we're supposed to be talking
about gaming, aren't we?

GIVE US THE MOST SIDE-SPLITTING
MONK-RELATED JOKE YOU CAN.

[gasps]

Um.

What'd the monk
throw to the dog?

A mona-stick, duh!



Damn it!
I'll kick your a*s!