04x05 - Night Owls

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [baby giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

- [babies cooing]
- [indistinct chatter]

Gah! Show some respect for the cinema,
you diapered vulgarians!

- [grunts, gasps]
- [man in film] Pappy!

The squeaker's gettin' away!

Oh! Now I'll never know how Rubber Ducky
escaped the backwoods bank robbers!

[babies giggling]

You know,
you can eat the other parts, too.

Okay, well, we'll just
try to watch the movie.

- [grunts]
- [babies crying]

- You wanna get out of here?
- Yes.

- Sorry I dragged you into this.
- No problema, compañero.

But you did promise me a day of filmgoing,
so let's just sneak into another one.

What? That's like stealing a movie.
I have to go to church on Sunday!

Bro... [slurps]

movie theaters are buffets for the eyes.

Your parents paid good, adult cash
for the pleasure of us enjoying a movie.

Doesn't matter which one.

That sounds justifiable.

What should we see?

Pyg and Tam Stick It to the Man?

I hear they're back and badder than ever.

No. This.

Whispers of the Dawn, Heretofore.

This is the one. We gotta see it!

- Looks boring.
- I doubt that very much.

It's for adults!

So are cholesterol and changing
out of your PJs on Saturday.

This is grown-up cinema,
a world of forbidden mystery.

I do like owls. [grunts]

- [laughing]
- What? So funny!

Of course our parents
are the worst offenders.

What is so important
you can't give 74 quiet minutes

to a ducky in backwoods peril?

We should name pavlova
the official town cake!

Phenomenal idea, Janice!
I'll just jot it down in the book.

I keep all my ideas
in this little three-ring pocket folio.

I call it my "ideas book."

You like great ideas for the town, Quincy?
Check this out.

When you're on a quick errand,
parking meters should take pennies.

Wow! Going in the book.

- [Janice] This is amazing!
- Oh, Mother, Father.

Cake and pennies?

Those are the ideas you push
when you have the ear

of the most powerful
political figure in town... Oh-h*-h*!

- Your dad's the mayor.
- Yeah.

- And my parents know him!
- Yeah.

- And you and I are friends!
- Uh, yeah.

Why did I never see this before?

Business and politics,

the world's most productive
and corruptible relationship!

We have to take advantage of this!

Sky's the limit here, people.

We're gonna boost baby love
all the way to Yellow 100.

All we've got to do is fill
the mayor's idea book with our ideas,

like stroller lanes on city streets.

Changing tables in all public bathrooms.

Baby Day baby parade!

A baby royal wedding.

Tiny queen, infant prince,
the adoration of millions

who cling to medieval notions
of bloodline nobility!

So... we make two babies marry each other?

Not my best idea. What do you want?

I worked through naptime
because I'm too excited! Whoo!

[knock on door]

Help yourselves, children.

My toy days have ceased.

[door closes]

How much of this am I supposed to use?

Like, one can per face?

You have no facial hair.

I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You're still so young. [grunts]

That's not a screw top, by the way.

Fine. I'll ask Mom and Dad.

Couch reading... so adult.

I've come to the right people.

Ted, Janice.

Oh, um... hello... son.

I'm about to tell you something big,
so, please, sit down.

[inhales, exhales]

Danny and I snuck into...

a grown-up movie.

That's a broad category, Timbo.

What exactly did you see?

I saw a man.

Still pretty broad.

And an owl.

Oh! [chuckles]

That new... [stammers] The art film,
with that good actor.

You know who I'm talking about, Ted.
He wins awards because he's sad.

Yeah! That one with the owl.

I heard good things. [clears throat]

Doesn't mean that what you did is okay.

We're all grown-ups here.
Let's move past that.

- [both] Uh...
- Um...

That movie was real confusing
for Tim Templeton, the child I used to be.

But that's where you two come in.

You've been grown up
for as long as I can remember.

I need you to teach me
the ways of adulthood.

So you can understand a movie you saw?

I knew we'd be on the same page, Ted.

This is all very, um...

- We're gonna need a second, kiddo.
- Adulto, please.

What do you think?

I'm not thrilled he saw the movie,
but he does seem pretty shaken up over it.

Wanna shake him all the way out of it?

I say we do teach him
the ways of adulthood...

A full night of boring grown-up stuff.

Show him how much better it is
just being a kid.

Yeah! But what are we supposed to do
with the baby all night?

[gasps]

I just found my doorway
into the halls of power!

We need three-ring pocket folio paper

with our ideas written down
in the mayor's handwriting.

- Put our top forger on it.
- Chip?

Yeah, that'd be Chip.

I'll see you at the mayor's house.

Hello, adult kid-man.

Hello, baby brother.

Couldn't help overhearing your plans.

I should really get out of your hair
for the night.

Perhaps... oh, my first sleepover
at a chum's house.

- That would be a hoot.
- Why would you say "hoot"?

It's a win-win!

I'm exhausted anyway.
Worked through naptime. [yawns]

Don't recommend it.

And you adults should be
free to cut loose!

Enjoy diet vegetables,

say "guess what," and then follow it up
with a boring fact about a neighbor.

That does sound like what we do.

All right, we will teach you
our grown-up ways.

I'm thrilled.

Thank you, Ted, Janice.

We do have one concern.

What do we do with the baby?

Might I suggest an overnight
with one of his baby friends?

That's not a bad idea.

What do you think, big guy?

- Ready for your first overnighter?
- [giggling]

Okay! Let's call the Buskies!

- [coos]
- [gasps]

- [touch tones beeping]
- [cooing]

You know, he got along so well
with Joy at the movie,

maybe we should call
Quincy and Pearl instead.

My main amigo, Mayor Quincino?

[gasps] Our baby will be in great hands!

[sighs]

Pearly vines, the Templetons are here!

[chuckles] Hi!

I'd invite you inside, but I'm just
in the middle of spring cleaning.

I hear ya. That's what Janice says
when our house is a filthy mess...

So, let me walk you through
our little guy's special stuff.

This is Señor Squeaky.

- Give it to him...
- Sure you're good with this?

Baby love mission in royal digs?

What's not to be good with?

[grunts, groans]

I'm fine. Just that missed naptime.

- [yawns]
- All right, big guy, Daddy wuvs you.

- [chuckles] Oh!
- We ready for this?

[Pearl] Can I take you inside
to see Joy, sweetheart?

[Janice] Oh, Mommy loves you, too!
Have a great night!

[Pearl chuckles]

Are those wide eyes and pouty lips
judging our housekeeping?

Because I don't have the time or energy
to impress a baby.

[chuckles]

Don't let my Pearly girl tease you,
little man.

This is a zero-judgment household,
so you just relax and do you.

[laughs]

We are microwaving supper tonight!

You've been working all day, Pearl.
Let me help you press the buttons.

I just gotta write something down
before I forget it.

We can play in a bit.
I need to take care of something first.

Can you just show me
where "Dada" keeps his idea book

before I get crushed
by a stack of junk mail?

- Here it is.
- Thank you.

And I absolutely do want
to play later, just...

Gah! [grunts]

- [gasping, grunting]
- [coos]

Ah, sh**t! Pearl, I lost it again!

I don't suppose you babies
have seen my book.

Mm, booky, booky.
Book, book, bookedy...

He can't be talking about the book.

You know, the one with all my ideas!

[Pearl] Uh, have you checked
the usual spots?

- I even checked the unusual spots.
- [Pearl chuckles]

- Oh, you!
- I'm such a silly bean, ain't I? [laughs]

- Why don't your parents get a maid?
- [babbles]

That's what a mayor makes? Sheesh.

No wonder no one
with a functional business mind

ever runs for office.

Gah! Stay back, laundry monster!

Roar!

- Feed me detergent!
- [gasping]

[chuckles] Just kidding. I'm Jimbo!

You seem on edge, Boss.

I'm fine.

Just not used to being in a strange house.

[munching]

A very strange house.

You got the pages?

Chip?

Forged papers
full of baby-friendly policy ideas.

Pew pew, bang bang!

Great, but I got a problem
with the book.

- [Staci] Where is it?
- That's the problem.

How can anyone find anything in this mess?

It's like where a landfill
sends its garbage.

I mean, it's like where a landfill
sends its garbage.

Did I already say it's like
where a landfill sends its garbage,

or did I just think it? [chuckles]

Maybe I shouldn't have worked
through naptime.

It's like where a landfill
sends its garbage.

Did I just say it again?

Back to the office,
and keep those pages safe.

Okey-dokie!

I'm gonna get someone
who can help find the book.

You give yourself
a little mental health break, okay?

Play with your friend.

[Ted] The beverage of adulthood.

If we're gonna talk grown-up stuff,
you need some joe in your veins.

Do I add cream and sugar,
or is that just for movie stars?

That's the training wheels version
of coffee.

Adults love the pure, bitter taste
of water steeped through crushed beans

and served burning hot.

Ahh, the best!

Of course, if you don't like it,

maybe it means
you're not ready for adult...

Okay, you're...
You're just going for it, I see.

It does taste like being an adult!

I can feel my mustache growing!
Teach me about jazz.

Oh... okay.

- [sniffing]
- Meet my elite hide-and-seekers team.

The elite team is just Frankie?

Do not underestimate a baby who's spent
most of her life surviving in a vent

and making friends with garbage.

Ew. Is that really necessary?

No, I just like grape jam.

That's not grape jam.

This isn't a goop taste test.

Where's the book?
I want the book! I want the book!

Yeah, you definitely should stop
skipping naps.

[Frankie] This is it!

What's that, Mr. Shoe-bert Lace-evedo?
[chuckles]

I get it.

[gasps] What'd the shoe say?

Mostly neighborhood gossip.

You're so wicked, Shoe-bert.

But he's pointing due south.

You know what that means.

Shoes can use compasses now?

The mayor was heading that way
when he came home with the book.

- [hoots]
- [screams]

- What?
- What do you mean what?

- The flying owl!
- Um, that owl?

Okay, fine. I'm a little overtired,
so let's get this mission done.

[Frankie] Guys, you'll never guess
where I think the book is!

Actually, you might guess
if you guess the bathroom.

It's in the bathroom.

I do admire a man
who gets his business done

getting his business done.

The papers?

Chip?

Howdy do?

What is this?

Yeppers!
Can't even tell the difference, huh?

You just typed everything!

I did not!

I hand forged every letter to be
an exact duplicate of this document

from the mayor's office.

That's a typewritten document!

Oh! Jeez, I just thought he had
really neat handwriting.

He is a mayor.

[yells]

Actual mayor's handwriting.

I want new pages made before
the shadow owl returns for my blood.

Uh, yes, sir.

Jimbo and I can take the book in
and return it

with the pages already forged...

you know, if you wanted
to get some shut-eye.

Oh, bless you, Stace.

- Call me when...
- [coos]

[Mayor] You found my book!

From now on, I'm not letting
this thing out of my sight.

[grunts] There goes my chance
at a quick nap!

You get those forgeries back to me.

But hurry. My enemy senses weakness.

[Janice] Behold!
The toys of the adult world.

At work, we get to play
with these fun paperclips all day long,

during the handful of ten-minute breaks
allotted to us.

It's a club! Or a knight's mace!

Foul file folder dragon!

- [grunting]
- [growling]

I am far more enjoyable
than a kid's Football Mike toy!

I thought my grown-up dream
was to work in an office,

but now I feel I might find that childish.

Yeah.

You know, maybe it is better
just to stay a kid a while longer,

where the world is still
full of exciting possibilities.

When I was a kid,
I wanted to be a marine biologist.

I was going to be
an air traffic controller.

"Two-one-zero-five
Compton-three-foxtrot departure,

you are cleared for takeoff."

Zoom! [chuckles]

[Tim] Fascinating.

So, when did you decide
to give up on your dreams?

[both] Uh...

Brupper!

- Breakfast for supper! Mwah!
- You have outdone yourself, my love.

There we go. Down in the crack.

Lose the book, lose the book!

[chuckles]

You old butterfingers!

Ooh! [chuckles] Guilty!

Maybe I should snuggle with it
when I sleep.

- No, no, no!
- [Mayor] Can't lose it then.

[Pearl] Hey, it works with me.

- [grunts] No! No! No!
- [Mayor and Pearl laughing]

[groans, snores]

[Mayor] Your friend is missing
the "Night-Night to Everything Song," Joy.

Don't you stress, baby boy.

- This tune will put you right to sleep.
- Where were we, now?

Oh...
♪ Night-night to that changing pad ♪

♪ Night-night to your mayor-dad ♪

♪ Night-night, brupper ♪

♪ Night-night, lamp ♪

♪ Who will be my night-night champ? ♪

♪ Winner! ♪

- [door closes]
- [gasps]

Lullaby defeated! [yawns]

Barely.

You ready to go to work?

- [cooing]
- [gasps]

- Gah!
- What's that, Joy Bean?

Encore?

[Pearl] A-one, two, three, four...

- ♪ Night-night, diaper pail ♪
- ♪ Night-night, baby, and a-chicken soup ♪

I never even bought a fish.

Why didn't I buy a fish?

Was it only about making more money?

The bills, they just... come at you.

And when did I start growing ear hair?
I never asked for that.

Why are you asking all the questions?

You're adults.
You're supposed to have all the answers.

Another very good question, Tim.

I wish I knew, but there are no books
on adulthood.

Actually, there are thousands,
which is exactly what discouraged me

from my backup dream
as a self-help writer!

Ugh! [whines]

♪ Night night night night night
Night night night night ♪

[gasps, pants]

I'm barely hanging on here, guys.
What's your status?

Chip is forging ahead! [chuckles] Get it?

[cackles]

Sorry, everything seems hilarious tonight
for some reason.

[babbles]

I'm talking to Jimbo and Staci.

Gah! What?

[babbles]

No, we can't just go to sleep!

We're on a mission.

Come on!

[door creaks]

[squeaking]

We gotta get that book
before my mind goes as mushy

as a pickup truck
on the Fourth of July!

I'm too tired to come up
with metaphors that make sense.

[thunder crashing]

[TV playing]

[Mayor laughing]

How long is this hallway?

It's, like, 12 long.

This was supposed to be
bing-bang-boom, mayor's book, pages.

I win. Yay!

- Owl!
- [hooting]

[screams]

Pages forged.

[muffled] What are you doing?

Fluffing your faces to be sure
you're not a pillow.

- [hooting]
- [gasps]

[screams] It's after me!

- Save yourselves!
- [muffled grunting]

So, what does it all mean?

We don't know that either.

You know who did know?

The owl.

In the movie, it kept going, "Who?"
Like it knew something.

But the desert man never found out what.

We need to see this movie.

Maybe it has the answers
to our existential ambiguity!

No idea what that means yet,
but I'm into it.

There's a midnight screening!

Midnight? The adultest hour?

- Let's go!
- [Tim] I'll drive!

- [Ted] Unh-unh.
- Nope!

[pants] Gotta get the book.

Gotta get the book.

[pants] Oh, Templeton,
I'm so glad you're here!

I've got to get the book, but I can't find
the mayor's room in this labyrinth.

[hoots]

[exclaims] No!

My shadow self has been taken prisoner
by an avian behemoth!

- [hoots]
- [grunts, groans]

[TV continues playing]

That's it?

[owl in Jamaican accent]
It's the door, man. What else do you need?

[screams, grunts]

Excuse me, O great pile of clothes.

May I enter?

[distorted voice]
First, you must answer...

why have you come?

To achieve Yellow 100!

Access denied.

What is this, a test?

What could be more important
than 100 percent baby love?

[screams, gasps]

[hooting]

[gasps]

All of you!

[gasps, pants]

You sneaky pile of soiled garments.

Your test has made me realize
why I'm trying to slip

a stack of forged folio pages
filled with baby-friendly policies

onto the mayor's person.

It's not just to get baby love,
it's because I love babies!

Wow, and I thought
a talking pile of laundry was weird.

[owl hooting]

[man in film] Look into the wind,
my friend.

It's the only way
to find the grains of sand.

- [Ted snoring]
- I hate sand.

This seemed better the first time.

Yeah, it's a pretty bad movie.

We hate to disappoint you, kid,

but sometimes
adults don't have the answers.

- And your coffee's just gross.
- It really is.

But if you guys ever wanna play
Office Supply Knights and Dragons again,

I'd be into that.

[yawns] I'm just gonna rest my eyes.

[Boss Baby snoring]

No idea how you snuck in my room
and fell asleep on me last night,

but take your time waking up,
little fella.

I'm just reading policies I jotted down
that you and Joy are gonna love!

Baby parade? [chuckles]

So glad I had this little book,

or else I would have forgotten
all these great ideas.

Man, where do I come up with this stuff?

[inhales, sighs]

[elevator dings]

[grunts]

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Yes?

Peg! Always a delight!

Are you feeling okay?

Why wouldn't I be? We had a big win.

Yellow 100 is right on track.

- Choo choo! [chuckles]
- [snickering]

[whistles tune]

- Uh, why is everyone being weird?
- It's not so bad.

Well, it might be bad. It's pretty bad.

You really don't remember all the messages
you left here last night?

What messages?

Hoot! Hoot! [chuckles]

Why? Why?
The Laundry Monster knows why!

Pants, take a memo... you're fired! [gasps]

I fired my pants! I'm so sorry!

I see it now.

The Rat Head Dolly Baby
and the owl are in ca-hoots!

[cackles] Oh!

I fired my whole wardrobe! I'm free!

There are 107 more.
You wanna watch them all?

Because I do.

- Burn it.
- Okay.

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪