04x03 - Conference Room B

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

[stapler clicks]

[stapler clicks]

[stapler clicks]

- [thuds]
- [stapler clicks]

[thumping]

[thuds, clicks, thumping]

[rhythmic noises continue]

- What are you doing?
- Aah!

How long have you been listening?

Long enough to make us feel weird.
You coming home?

Now? Why would I come home now?

You seriously don't remember?

Mom and Dad's anniversary!

You promised weeks ago
you'd help with a gift.

That's today?

I mean... that's today? Yay!

- You forgot.
- Never!

I-I'm just wrapping up here,

then I'm home to wrap up
that birthday gift.

- Anniversary.
- Which is a relationship birthday.

Leave!

Top five power ties for winter.

- Ooh!
- Now!

- [elevator bell dings]
- [preek] I don't like to do that!

- [puppies barking, snarling]
- [preeks babbling]

- [knocks]
- Hey, Boss. Cookie?

[Boss] I'm headed out.

You guys are my eyes and ears
while I'm gone.

Just keep everybody pushing
for Yellow 100.

- [barking]
- [Chip wailing]

You plan on clearing
those puppies and preeks

out of the office any time soon?

I'm working on it.

- Hmm!
- I am!

I'm as bothered by this renter situation
as the rest of you.

Oh, yeah, I bet it's really hard
up in that CEO ivory tower.

It's mostly sandalwood and marble tile.

But down here, the rest of us come to work
every day in a stinking disaster zone!

"Disaster zone," Stace?

That's a little dramatic.

- [barking]
- D'oh...

- Give me back my shoe, you dingus!
- [barking]

♪ I love ice cream, it's so good ♪

I actually put in a transfer request
to Baby Corp Wichita.

Wichita? What do you do there?

Not deal with puppies and preeks.

- Good point.
- Makes sense.

It's bad enough that babies
would rather work in Wichita?

The Tulsa of Kansas?

We have to fix this, ASAP!

So, you'll kick the puppies out?

I wish.

That rental agreement is airtight.

Baby Houdini couldn't get out of it.

No, I'm gonna boost morale!

[Tim] After we do our thing, right?

- Aah!
- Bye, Tim.

The one day I can't ditch Templeton
is the one day I can't ditch Baby Corp.

If only I could be in two places at once.

No, that's madness.

I'd need an exact doppelganger,
someone so attuned to my mannerisms,

their every word and action would mirror
my own in perfect synchronicity!

[sneezes]

- Gesundheit!
- Bless you!

Ah, close enough.

The A to Z's on everything Timmy T,

from food preferences
specific to time and temperature,

to a list of names
that make him giggle for no reason.

Spoiler: number one is Yolanda.

- [laughs]
- Right? [laughs]

The kid knows funny.

Do I really need a whole dossier
on your brother?

The job is to help him make
an anniversary gift, right?

Oh, Hendershot, so blissfully naive
in the art of brotherhood.

Sure, Templeton seems easy.

He's adorable, loves pizza,

and his favorite hobby is,
and I quote, "family stuff."

But he's also
one giant, emotional volcano

that could blow any minute!

"Tee-hee-hee!

Aah!

Oh! Rawr! Ha ha!"

- [sighs] Sorry, I love those things.
- Always got your back, Beebs.

- When do I start?
- Twenty minutes ago!

See you when the job is done.

- [elevator bell dings]
- Now, time to boost some office morale.

Jimbo, uppies!

Jimbo, crayon!

- [clinks]
- Baby Corp!

Epic cupcake party!

Five minutes from now,
in Conference Room B.

Why? 'Cause that's the kind of boss I am.

- Ooh, sounds fun!
- Oh, I love cupcakes!

Took you long enough.

[Hendershot] Sorry,
traffic was a nightmare.

Where's my brother?

Problem at work, so he asked me to step in
and help with this anniversary gift.

Ugh!

Uh...

Sure, I'll just work with the baby
my dumb brother sent

because he's too dumb busy to do the thing
he dumb promised he'd dumb do!

He might be CEO at Baby Corp,

but here at Home Corp,
he's C-E... C-E... He's lame!

- [objects rattling]
- Is this Football Mike?

I've always wanted to play with
one of these, but never actually held one.

What? You've never played
Sack Sack Fumble Fumble?

The number one game with two names?

We have to play!

Mm! I feel like a dang wizard.

[chatter]

Nicely done, BB!

Seems like everyone's having a good time.

Good time?

This party's more fun
than high-yield asset divestiture!

Check it out.
Light-hearted office banter: two o'clock.

Who has ten thumbs and doesn't know
which ones are thumbs?

- This baby!
- [babies laugh]

Weekend planning: five o'clock.

- Weekend plans?
- Not yet.

- You?
- Same.

I hear you, girlfriend.

Puppies growling: ten o'clock.

[growling]

Wait, what the...?

[snarling, snorting]

- What do you mean you booked the room?
- [babies grumbling]

Disappointed babies
leaving at all the clocks!

No, no, no, no, no!

I'm not done boosting corporate morale!

I still have to give a speech
that's interrupted by some lackey

shouting out an old inside joke
that we all laugh at unnecessarily!

[Peg] Someone's got their diaper
in a bunch... again.

[laughs]

- Not now, Peg!
- Sorry, BB.

Guess that's just the way things go
around here these days.

Well, that stops now.

We're not going anywhere!

Everyone with an opposable thumb,

turn around, pick up a cupcake,
and stay put.

You mean this baby?

- Aha!
- [babies laugh]

- [grunting]
- We're not leaving.

[snarling, grunting]

And you can have the room you booked...
when we're done with it.

Oh! Did he really just say that?

[snarling, grunting]

[scoffs] No,
we're not just having a party.

This is a very important
company meeting. [chuckling]

The cupcakes are a... business metaphor.

Isn't that right, guys?

[babies snickering and agreeing]

As I was saying, a great business,
like a great cupcake,

will sprinkle shareholders with dividends.

[babies laughing]

[Bug snarling, grunting]

[Simmons] He's a riot!

I want you to eat the cupcake
at the rate baby love grew in Q2.

- [munches]
- [Boss] Slower.

Cold months, stuck indoors.

Lots of baby time. Slower.

But then it's spring!

Rain season. Babies splashing in puddles.

So cute! So much baby love!

Faster! Faster!

They're still trying to get in.

[snarling]

- Are you sure you can keep this up?
- I have to. [gulps]

People are counting on me.

[strains]

This plan is madness, Dr. No-Sho-Bot!

The Earth needs sunlight to tell time
so people can show up

for stuff they agreed to do!

[electronic hum]

All right, then.

Since you like sunblock so much,
you're about to get smothered with SPF 2.

As in the two of us!

Lance, now!

I'm doing space stuff!

That's right!
It's me, Lance Windsorknot!

More space stuff!

Angry squirrel!

Wait, we're fighting Angry Squirrel?
Not Dr. No-Sho-Bot?

No! Actual angry squirrel!

- [shouting, grunting]
- [squirrel chittering]

- [laughs] That was awesome!
- Right?

Almost as fun as listening
to all your invention ideas

and playing Get That Baby!

Ten times. I counted.

It's like you know exactly what I love
to do, and you keep suggesting it!

I know. Crazy.

I was thinking for our next mission,
though, we could maybe...

Take on an intergalactic chore monster?

Or an intergalactic toffee stealer?

- Or...
- An intergalactic anniversary gift.

I know that mission.

The one where everything's planned,

and then my brother abandons me
on planet BP-233.

The BP stands for "broken promises."

The only space missions he cares about
are office space missions.

Magic! Show me all the magic!

Great idea!

I'll get my Jonathan Pumpernickel
Junior Illusionist Magic Kit!

[sighs]

[slurring] Sometimes a business
is acquired.

And sometimes two businesses
can... [gags] merge.

And sometimes... business...

Stuffed.

- [babies gasp]
- [groaning]

[echoing] It's too much, Boss!

You can't take any more
cupcake business metaphors!

[muffled heartbeats]

Morale.

Morale!

[Jimbo] But you can do cupcake sandwich
business metaphors!

- You can do it! Come on!
- [all cheering]

[grunting]

[both gasp]

- [babies groan]
- Aw, man.

[Boss grunting]

Of course! A cupcake sandwich!

Look at this thing.
It's teeming with financial metaphors.

Am I right?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Metaphors, ja!

- [Peg] Just teeming! It's teeming, yeah!
- [Bug growls]

[Boss] Mmm!

- They're gone!
- [spits]

Great. I had zero
cupcake sandwich metaphors.

Also, I'm very ill.

- Cupcake party on!
- [all cheering]

[Tim] Your card is... the queen of hearts!

Nope.

Because it's the two of clubs!

Jack of clubs.

Spades?

Something with a seven.
King of hearts?

King of hearts?

Yes! Is it the king of hearts?

It's the king of hearts!

- I knew it! Let me see.
- [gasps]

[munching]

Oh, you mean, mm, this card?

[gulps] Oh, my bad.

It's okay. My magic tends to make people
hungry... for more magic!

Mm, I'd really like to make
that anniversary...

Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick,
I will now read Hendershot's mind.

On the count of six, we will both say
the present we're gonna make

for Mom and Dad's anniversary.

And if we don't say the same thing,
no anniversary gift will be made.

[gasps] Where'd those stakes come from?

- One.
- [gasps]

- Gifts, gifts, gifts.
- Two, three...

- Oh, why are you saying numbers so fast?
- Four.

"Usually it's a snow globe,
but it could also be candy."

- Five... six!
- [wavering]

- Snow globe!
- Ca... Snow globe.

It worked!

Holy heck, that trick never works
with my other brother!

I mean, real brother.

I mean... Snow globe time!

- [monitor chiming]
- What's up, Beebs?

- [laughter, chatter]
- You guys!

Where's Tim? He's not picking up.

- Here.
- Templeton, I'm on my way.

Also, please don't say "cupcake"
for a month.

- You don't have to come.
- Tim, I'm coming. I mean it.

And I mean I don't want you to.

Family time isn't something you do
when it's convenient.

- Who said it was?
- You did.

When you broke your promise
to help with this anniversary gift.

Don't worry.
Hendershot and I are taking care of it.

You're getting Mom and Dad
an upside-down jar?

It's a snow globe!

Looks like an upside-down jar.

It'll start as a jar, but it's gonna end
as a snow globe.

Because that's what we decided
at the same time.

Because Hendershot gets me.

Oh! I see what's happening.

Look, Tim, the only reason
Hendershot knows you so well

is because I do.

What are you talking about?

Show him, Hendo.

Everything anyone could ever know
about you is in that dossier,

which I wrote, because I pay attention.

Because I'm a great brother.

- [Tim growls]
- Hey! That cost a fortune to bind!

You wrote a file on me
and gave it to your office buddy,

and you think that makes you
a good brother?

I believe I said "great."

Stay at work as long as you want!

You love your job so much,
why don't you marry it? [smooching]

"I love you!
Let's raise a family of job babies! Mwah!"

Fine! Maybe I'd rather spend time
with people who actually appreciate

the hard work I do.

- Good!
- Great!

- Cupcake!
- [gags]

There are my favorite babies
who appreciate everything I do.

You bet we do!

That stand-off, Boss?

[laughs] Ooh, legendary!

Morale could not be higher.

You saying I can't get it higher?
I can get it higher.

Because I care about all of you.

In fact, I'll do it right now.

I'm free. I got time.

- You really don't have to.
- But I want to, and I will... to.

So...

Sir, is everything all right?

You bet it is! Watch!

I said, "Lady, if you don't land
that spoon of pudding in my mouth,

I'm gonna call the FAA!"

Ha! What did she say?

She said... [speaks gibberish]

'cause I broke her brain when I spoke!

[babies laughing]

- You are so good at picking crayons!
- Aah!

Thanks! Heh.

Then I said, "Sir, this car seat's
not gonna buckle itself!"

Then what did he say?

He was like, um... [speaks gibberish]

'cause his brain was broken!

- Oh, ja.
- [forced laughter]

In recognition of her grace
under crayon pressure,

this Brass Eagle of Courage
goes to R&D Baby Simmons!

[whines] I want one.

- That's not fair!
- Where's my Brass Eagle?

- I'm courageous, too!
- [babies grumbling]

- Uh, it's fine. I don't need it.
- I can fix this.

Uh, good news!

Everyone gets an eagle!

[all cheering]

Now I definitely don't want it.

It's not special anymore.

So, I said, "Sorry,
I'm a baby and you're a person,

so your brain is broken." [laughing]

I never thought I'd ask this,
but can I please go to work now?

Uh, the puppies
are still in Conference Room B,

so we're meeting in A now.

It's fine, NBD.

- Yes, BD!
- Ow! Watch it!

Listen up! Peg just told me the puppies
have taken back Conference Room B,

where so many fun memories
were made earlier!

And she wants us to help her get it back!

- Not what I said!
- Her words.

And I say we help her!

Because we're a corporate family,
and family never gives up on each other!

Testify!

- Uh, okay.
- Okay.

Now, come on! Hyah!

We need to talk.

About this awesome snow globe? Sure.

I did take a couple creative liberties,
but I have a feeling you'll like them.

You don't know what I like!

I know you're mad, but what do you say
to pizza with ice cream on top, uh?

I say, "Grumble, grumble,"
which is stomach for "awesome"!

[gasps]

You're cheating again!

You say cheating, I say distracting
in order to refocus on the task at hand.

You know, tomato, tomahto... sauce...

on pizza... with ice cream.

Aah! Stop it!

Go! I want you out!

Look, dude, can we just finish
this snow globe?

I just need you to sign it, that's it.

Then the job's done
and I'll be out of your hair, okay?

No-kay.

Well, it's no-kay with me
to leave a job unfinished.

I am Manager Baby Hendershot, baby!

- I deliver!
- I'm not signing anything.

- Sign it!
- I will not!

Oh, yes, you will,

right after you forget
you're even mad at me!

- Not happening!
- Draw Marisol from memory!

I genuinely would love to!

Aah! Stop doing that!

We don't have to dance
this cha-cha, my man.

I know you better
than you even do, Tim. [echoes]

You do know Tim,
but you don't know...

Mit.

What are you doing?

Who's Tim? I'm Mit.

I didn't even say "Tim."

Mit doesn't wait for his name
to be called.

He's a stone-cold,
back-of-the-class delinquent.

Careful! You're gonna break that!

You mean this thing Tim loves?

Yeah, Mit don't care.

Where's my homework?

[laughs] Ooh-hoo, Mit loves homework.

I don't know what's happening,
but I'm not having it.

Take the pen!

Okay, I won't take the pen.

I said take the pen!

Right, don't take the pen.

Got it.

That's not what I said!

Ah, church slacks.

The favorite pants of Mit.

Uncomfortable everywhere
is how Mit gets comfortable.

I can see how this is fun for you.

This is not fun.

Exactly. What I just said.

Why don't you see what it says about Mit.

It doesn't say anything about Mit.

Trust me, I studied this thing
front to back and back to... [gasps]

"Mit" is "Tim" back to front!

You're doing opposites, right?

- Wrong.
- [growls]

- Stop it!
- Keep going?

We are finishing this snow globe

right after we go into the phone book
and call everyone named...

Yolanda!

[strained] That's a very normal name.

You weren't saying?

[gasps]

[straining, sighs]

No good.

These doors must lock from the inside.

[knocking] Give us the room!

[snarling]

When you're done with it?

That's my sassy tactic! How dare you?

Sir, Conference Room A is fine.

Fine?

It's got that... that jiggly door handle!

And I don't know who threw out
leftover sushi on a hot Friday night

after the cleaning crew
had already come through,

but when the air blows just right...

oh, you better believe
you can still smell it.

No, no, no, my superstar employees
deserve Conference Room B.

So, if those puppies won't come out,

we'll just come up with a super-fun,
morale-boosting way to get them out!

Ooh, I have an idea!

Also, no one else can come up
with the solution but me!

Boss, is everything all right?

Perfect! Why?

I just think this is getting to be
a bit much... for everyone.

Do you speak for everyone, Staci?

Yes, she does!

You made us crawl into a vent,

and now I've got
two co-workers' butts in my face!

Trust me, everyone.

This is going to be great!

One, we're a great team.

Two... we have the element of surprise!

[Boss laughing]

To conference room victory
and the spoils of morale!

Surprise! Aah!

- [groans]
- [babies shouting]

- [groans]
- [Peg] Great!

Now I've got three co-workers' butts
in my face!

[barking]

- [monitor chiming]
- Staci, I need backup!

Tim's gone all Opposite Day on me.

I am thirsty for vegetables.

It's messing with my brain,
and I love my brain!

Sorry, but we've got our own
off-the-wall Templeton to deal with.

[Boss] We didn't fail;
we succeeded at making a memory!

- Everyone agree!
- [sighs]

Looks like we're both stuck
in a Templeton brothers nightmare.

- [gasps] Ow!
- [thuds]

My precious brain.

But also, I have an idea.

Hey, Mit, can you not hand me
that dossier?

I cannot.

What if I didn't know a way
to not get back at your brother?

I'm not listening.

Did you know there isn't
one of these dossiers on BB

back at Baby Corp that you could not use
to manipulate your brother

the way he didn't manipulate you?

There isn't? Don't take me to it!

Good! I won't!

I'm sort of confused and I really wanna
take off these church slacks.

So, fine, I'm Tim again.

Now, take me to the dossier on my brother.

You're sure this is right?

Oh, yeah.

The secret entrance to Conference Room B
is definitely this way.

Definitely.

Good! Those puppies are gonna have
no idea what hit them!

Then I'll tell them it was me,
so they know!

Sir, I have to say something.

- You're transferring to Wichita?
- What? No!

You're obsessing over the wrong thing.

The puppies aren't the problem.

Sure seems like they are.

Well, yeah, they're today's problem.

But tomorrow it'll just be something else.

Not seeing your point here, Stace.

I can't just ignore today's problem.

- Company morale...
- Is like any other relationship.

It's gonna have ups and downs,
but you can't try to fix everything

with a few super intense minutes
of forced time together.

- That makes a lot of...
- But right now's an exception.

- Jimbo!
- Aah!

Hey, not cool!

[sniffs] What is that?

[gasps] Lingering hot weekend trash fish!

This is Conference Room A!

Hey! [shouting]

[growls]

[both] Oh.

Whatever's off with you two,
it's wreaking havoc with Baby Corp.

So, fix it!

- [both shouting, grunting]
- [objects crashing]

Ooh! Is it weird that I feel bad
for that chair?

[shouting and crashing continue]

- [blows landing]
- [babies] Ooh!

I didn't know an earlobe
could bend that way!

- Writing that one down for later.
- [crashing]

[Boss and Tim shouting]

- [loud crash]
- [babies] Ooh!

Then what did he say?

He said... [speaks gibberish]

'cause I broke his brain when I spoke!

[Boss and Tim laughing]

[clears throat]

Eh, right, apology time.

I've learned a lot today about...

[Peg] Don't get your diapers
in a bunch... again.

[all laughing]

Yeah, you guys get it. My bad.

No more super intense bonding quick fixes.

Take the rest of the day off.

My brother and I have
a bar mitzvah to get to.

Anniversary!

[gasps] The gift! We forgot!

[Hendershot] No, we didn't.

But there is one thing left to do.

[wavering] Aah!

- Who tosses two things?
- Come on, man!

[Tim] What are we gonna do?

Eh, never underestimate how low parents
will set the gifts-from-children bar.

We love it so much!

[Janice] Thank you!

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪