03x05 - Lights, Camera, Org Chart!

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

I suppose I thrive
in a world of predictability, you know?

With this playgroup, it-it's fun.

They're good kids,
but everything's chaos.

It throws me off my game.

Up is white, black is down, one plus one
equals Saginaw, Michigan.

[Tim] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I know how to lead, but do I know
how to lead them?

And if I did, wouldn't I be back
at Baby Corp by now?

Mm-hmm.

- Are you even paying attention?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm going through
an existential crisis, Templeton!

- Do you know what that means?
- Mm-hmm.

- Poop.
- [laughs] Poop.

[sighs] What are you so focused on

that you can't help me ponder
my place on this planet?

- Blueprints for an invention?
- Hey, I'm not done!

- Ah!
- A flying bed! Nacho toothpaste!

No, it's something dumb for school. Aah!

- No! When it's done, I'll show you, okay?
- Not okay!

- Baby wanna know now!
- S-Stop it!

I can't. I haven't developed
coping strategies for my impulsivity!

- It's not ready!
- Give me!

[both shouting, grunting]

- What do we have here?
- I said it's not done. Give it!

- Ah, the solar system.
- Hey!

Very impressive...
the scale, the color coordination,

the... [gasps] organization!

Are you about to cry
over the solar system?

- [gasps]
- You heliocentric genius!

You just solved my existential crisis!

- Mwah!
- Ew!

Solved your what...
Hey, what the heck are you doing?

That's a school project!
It's due tomorrow!

It's not me, it's them.

They need a leadership model
even babies can understand,

like this crude depiction
of the solar system.

Structure, workflow, chain of command.

Bright colors for baby attention grabbing.
We need...

An org chart...

aka organizational chart,
aka the Cleopatra of task allocation.

[purrs]

Let's spin this up and take a ride! Whoo!

As I will continue to handle
the lion's share of strategic planning,

I have assumed the role
of leader/president/CEO,

backslash president is fine for now.

- Agreed?
- [babbling]

Great! Working our way down.

Jarreau, good looks, charisma.

You're on public relations.

Mega Fat, you cover HR and wellness.

- Dakota will run acquisitions.
- Mine!

Quiet Psycho will be in-house legal rep.

I want that face staring across the table
in every deposition.

- Shover handles security.
- [yelps]

Sticky Fingers, office supplies.

[coos]

Finally, we have Scooter Buskie.
This was tough.

How do you categorize someone
whose very essence is his indefinability?

Short answer: you don't.

You let them be... miscellaneous!
Questions?

[babbling]

Uh, the... the org chart
doesn't come in pink.

[babbling]

- Because I didn't make it in pink!
- Let HR handle this.

All in favor of making the org chart pink?

- [babies squeal]
- It's never going to be pink!

[inhales] What's most important
is that I am in charge

because I am at the top of the org chart,
so whatever it takes to make that sink in.

- [door slides open]
- [gasps]

[Marsha] Everybody, look at me!

Breaking news:
the perks of being in a playgroup

with yours truly just got perkier.

You're finally going to confess
that all TV weather reports are made up?

I just... Eh, what?

My father taught me
"Never trust anything you can't touch."

Well, he sounds fun.

No, ma'am.
Fun is another thing you cannot touch.

Well, tell him to touch this!

I just got off the phone
with my friends at Bubbeezee,

and guess who they want to photograph
for their product catalog.

- Our babies!
- [excited chatter]

Product catalog photo sh**t?

It's like I come up with this org chart,
and everything falls into place!

Just picture it:
a widely circulated mailer

filled with all these adorable mugs.

Oh! It's a baby love jack pot!

My ticket back to the big leagues!

And if we get the cover? Oh!

- Oh, man! Would you take a look at that?
- Look at that cute baby!

- [applause]
- World's cutest? Oh, I don't know, Jack.

All babies are cute.
I just happen to be on a catalog cover.

- What's your secret?
- Two words.

[coos]

[audience] Aw!

[Mega Fat] Hello? Uh, Boss Baby?

Will you please tell me what would happen
if we get the cover?

You'll see.

Oh, they'll all see.

The mission is simple.

Adorable the baby snot
out of this photo sh**t.

You might not know this,
but, uh, heh, I actually got my start

in posters and greeting cards
at Baby Corp.

I knew that!

I know exactly
what these marketing hyenas expect,

so follow my lead and let the org chart
guide us to baby love glory!

Hyah!

People, pupils up,
retinas down, eyes forward.

I am...

Travis Le Duque.

[groans]

Looks like we're dealing with an "artist."

I really love what you do.

- Your favorite work of mine, go.
- [Mrs. Buskie] Oh!

[stammering] Well, I was talking about
photography in general.

Have you done something I might have seen?

Well, that depends.

Do you ever use coupons?

Twenty-five cents off pudding mix.

Buy one, get one at Fatso Phantom's
Ghostburger To Go.

Anybody here remember
Mulch International's

autumn envelope stuffer with the cheetahs?

Oh, yes! I shot that, too.

- [all gasping]
- Such a savings!

I take it back.

He sold his artist's soul
for crass commerce, and I dig that!

What are we waiting for?

My camera is flypaper upon which
we will trap this infestation of cute!

[dramatic breath, snaps fingers]

[gasping]

[babies cooing]

I prefer my grown-ups no-nonsense,

but this Travis is all-nonsense,
and I fully approve.

Remember the org chart.

Keep the runway clear
and I'll take the lead.

[camera shutter clicking]

[coos]

[giggling, babbling]

Yes, I love it. I hate it!
I wanna marry it and never see it again.

[whispers indistinctly]

Well, you certainly have the spark,
but do you have the fire?

- [giggling]
- Yes? Now give me more and less.

[cooing]

[Travis] Look at the camera. Don't look!

Look at me, but also away!
What are you looking at?

Use your body to define
the word "definition."

[grunting]

[camera shutter clicks]

[sighs] I am bored of being bored by you.

- [grunts]
- [coos]

[gasps]

- [laughing]
- [lens whirs]

You!

You are the personification of perfection!

What? Buskie?

He is the personification
of lawless bedlam!

[Scooter cooing]

[Travis] I don't deserve your greatness.

You are my new cheetah.

Oh! So jealous
Scooter gets to hang with Trav.

Oh, I see you are jealous, too!

- [starts]
- Or... Or maybe it's envy.

- Wait... Yeah, I...
- I always confuse those.

Can you please define the word "envy"
with your body?

Aah! [groans]

[Mrs. Buskie] Oh!

My little Scooter's a star! [laughing]

That came straight
from my friends at Bubbeezee.

Now, it's just a mockup,
but the catalog prints tomorrow,

and that is your cover.

[squeals] I feel like celebrating!

- I'm gonna make fudge!
- [excited chatter]

- Now it's a party!
- Mama does love the fudge.

Hooraysies!
Mission accomplished, right?

Now will you tell me
what will happen with baby love

since we got the cover, Boss Baby?

[sighs] Let the initial shock pass.

Focus.

Pros and cons of the world's worst baby
on the cover of a major...

- [clanging]
- [grunting]

Not now, Buskie, please.

[sighs] Pros: we did get a baby
on the cover.

Should be good for baby love.

- Cons... Scooter, please! I am...
- [clanging, grunting]

[babbling, giggling]

May I ask you
a tiny HR something-something?

Now that Scooter Buskie is so popular,

do we move him up only a few spots
on the org chart

or all the way to head honcho?

We move nothing!

So what if Scooter got the cover page?

I'm still this team's leader.

I think maybe the playgroup
begs, perhaps, to differ.

- [babies giggling]
- [Boss gasps]

[giggling]

Ha, aren't rocks fun?

Listen, Scoot-Scoot.
Can I call you Scoot-Scoot?

I'm concerned this cover photo
is creating some leadership confusion.

Now, I'm sure you don't want
a bunch of babies copycatting you

just as much as I don't want to waste

all the effort I've put into training
this new field team,

so let's remind the babies
I'm still top of the org chart, m-kay?

[giggles, grunts]

What do you mean "it's funny"?

- This is not funny!
- [grunting]

[babies grunting]

Scooter Buskie, leader of babies?

We're off the edge of the map now.

[babbling, giggling]

[parents gasp]

[slurping]

- [burps, giggling]
- [gasps]

- [man] Jarreau, no!
- [woman] Watch out!

[all shouting]

[giggling, grunting]

- [banging]
- [growls]

Dang babies!

- Can't a man read a paper?
- [woman 2] Knock it off!

[woman 3] What is wrong with these babies?

You still haven't told me what happens
when we have a baby on the catalog cover.

Is the plan that everybody hates babies
and Baby Corp hates you?

Because if so, as your HR rep
and spirit guide to better living,

great job!

Catalog hasn't printed yet!

We can stop the spread of toxic Buskie-ism

while it's still flying
under Baby Corp's radar.

- [all screaming]
- What the heck just flew into our radar?

Oh, man! It's the doomsday scenario!

We got a small army of Scooter Buskies.

- Did we ever come up with a plan for that?
- Sort of.

But I don't think it got
any farther than... [screaming]

- We're all going to die!
- [screams]

I'm in denial!

♪ Doopy, dooty, doopity-doo ♪

♪ Dooty, dooty, doopity-dah ♪

Even if we had a plan,
we'd need a CEO to sign off on it.

Man, I hope we get a smart one this time.

Hey, guys. Buddy from HR.

How's everybody doing?
Tell me later, m-kay?

Because right now,
I want you to welcome our new CEO...

Board Baby Emiliano...

The chair of the board is our CEO?

- Only the smartest of the smart!
- A savior sent from Mount Olympus!

...'s twin brother,
Hermano Menor CEO Baby.

- [chiming]
- [screaming]

It's making alarm flashes!
Is there a fire?

- Is a baby on fire? Are we on fire?
- Aw!

[both groan]

When my brother called and said,
"Hey, wanna be CEO?"

Maybe he felt sorry for me. I don't know.

I thought it would be a breeze,
but this looks really, really hard!

[panting] What do I do?

Chuh!

Give orders?

Anybody, get me a glass of water!

[groans]

Jimbo and me are what's left
of the field team, sir.

Permission to deal with this?

Yes! Oh, oh, yes!

[chuckles] Thank you!

Was that the right thing to say?

[muffled screaming]

Scooter Buskie's ruined everything!

Are you even listening?

I have to get the playgroup back.
I need your help!

Help yourself.

You pledge the allegiance with that mouth?

You cut up my solar system project
to make your dumb orb chart!

Org chart.

Orb, orb, orb, orb, orb, orb.

Huh, touché.

I had to start over!

And all I had time to make
was the sun and Earth

and a new huge-normous ball I invented
called "Planet The Rest of the Planets."

It got an F.

So now I have to do it over again!

A do-over... that's it!

[growls] Did I accidentally help you
when I'm mad at you?

This cover photo's the reason
I'm in this Scooter Buskie nightmare.

But if I get Bubbeezee to redo the sh**t
with the right cover baby,

I go back to being in charge,

ending the reign of Scooter
and restoring baby love!

What makes you think a do-over
would be any different?

Because this time, I'll be trained
by Lil' Dumpling Baby Pageant veteran

Tim Templeton.

[growls] You know my secret weakness
is giving pageant tips!

Fine.

But you gotta help me
with the solar system do-over.

- Deal!
- [whooshes]

Yo, Boss, you got a serious problem with...

I know, I know. Scooter Buskie
is leading a cult of disaster babies.

My bad. I have a plan
and you're recruited.

Congratulations.
Thank you for your service.

[gasps]

- Cool.
- Hold on.

Even if you're able to master
a pinky's worth of my pageant skills,

why would Bubbeezee agree to a reshoot?

They have their cover.

Have you seen the look Scooter's giving?

You know that in Brazil,
that one-toothed smile

means a very offensive no-no word.

- Which one?
- [whispers indistinctly]

[yelps, grunts]

Easy, big guy.

That smile doesn't really mean anything,
here or in Brazil.

It's cheap, phony gossip I made up.

But if we get enough people
to believe it's true...

Bubbeezee will have to redo the sh**t!

Let's spread nasty rumors
and take modeling photos. Yay!

♪ We can't stop, we won't stop ♪

♪ Till we get to the top ♪

♪ So we climb and crawl, then we do it ♪

♪ We get to the top ♪

♪ We're at the top ♪

♪ But then it feels like
Maybe there's more to go ♪

♪ Like there's a top on top of this top ♪

♪ So we try to climb and we try to crawl ♪

♪ But there's nowhere left to go ♪

♪ So maybe we're at the top ♪

♪ And that feeling before
When we thought there was more ♪

♪ Was something else
Like hunger or thirst ♪

♪ Which makes sense
Because we use a lot... ♪

♪ Of energy ♪ [echoes]

♪ To get to the top ♪

Why do I feel like we're
completely ignoring my solar system?

Not gonna lie.
Completely forgot about that.

All hands on deck!

- The universe is cool!
- The universe is big!

The universe makes me question
my own existence.

And I have an answer!
My existence is fun!

♪ Doopy, dooty, doopity-doo ♪

♪ Dooty, dooty, doopity-dah ♪

Project's ready.

So's this project.

[babies cheering]

Scooter Buskie does not speak
for this town!

I do! And I love Brazil.

And I love the large number of voters
in this town with Brazilian heritage.

- Now, who wants homemade coxinhas?
- [babbling]

[giggling]

- Aah!
- Oh!

Bubbeezee called.

They want a reshoot.

Yes!

Oh, Mr. Le Duque, I'm mortified!

He must have learned that smile
from inappropriate television shows.

Apologies are like pygmy marmosets.

Are... Are you just not going
to explain what that...

Please enjoy snacks, go away,
I'm making corporate art.

- What?
- Is it all you can eat?

- O-Okay, yeah.
- Oh!

Your face is a beautiful weapon.

I was wrong to ever unsheathe it.

Get out of my spotlight,
exquisite monster.

What's that?

Time for an upper management
paradigm shift?

Don't mind if I do.

[Boss yelps]

Huh? Oh!

Again?

Uh, should I be updating
this org chart in real time

now that Shover's leading?

Shover is not leading the...

- Oh!
- [thuds]

[Travis] Yes, talk to the camera,
silently, with words.

[babies giggling, babbling]

Yes! Nature versus nurture!

Dance like nobody is dancing!

- Ugh!
- Ugh!

[babies babbling]

Hey, remind me if I ever want
to have a baby, to not.

Let's go shopping
for wicker furniture instead.

- [chiming]
- [screaming]

Oh, I'm sorry!

I'm busting my butt, but I have no idea
if I'm busting it the right way!

What is happening down there, BB?

How is Scooter Buskie
still running that playgroup?

- [giggles, grunts]
- Aah! Ow!

He isn't! But his replacement
is no improvement.

- [gasps] Oh, my goodness!
- Whoa!

My baby!

Back off and keep snacking.

Time is art, and art is money, and money
is how I afford my custody lawyer.

Maxine is not getting those cheetahs.

You gotta hurry, man!

Things are getting bad around here.

Sir, it's not the computer that's broken.

- Drop the screwdriver!
- [screams]

Jimbo, fire extinguisher!

- I love it! I'm over it.
- [babies grunting]

Here we go.

Oy vey.

Snacks. Snack-snacks.
Snack-snack-snacks.

- Well, then...
- Okay, well...

- ...guess I'll go back to the snack table.
- ...I could go for a muffin.

[Dakota] Mine!

Was I swapping out lenses? Weird!

Art is such a beguiling mystery.

Hee! [squeals]

[babies laughing]

- Oh, no. Aah!
- [Dakota] Mine!

[coos]

[coos, laughs]

No, no, no, no, no!

Grand larceny is terrible for baby love!

Dakota is not in charge, I am.

Go time!

- [squeals]
- [Travis] Stop time!

I love you, you're over.

You are a present. Unwrap yourself.

- Don't lose your receipt!
- Wait.

You are it, and by "it," I mean bad at it.

Too much! Too little!

Pass a geometry test using only your eyes.

Think of the capital of New Mexico
and move it to another state!

I'm hungry, you're thirsty, live!

- Find your truth and lie to it.
- [muttering]

Ah!

Imagine a pool, make it smaller,
take out the water.

- You have a bowl!
- [sighs] Oh!

[Travis] Babies, take five.

- Emotionally, take ten.
- [snoring]

[Mega Fat murmuring]

Look at us, desperately trying to impress
this coupon peddler.

For what?
A chance to feel important?

- To feel in charge? Well, guess what.
- [camera shutter clicks]

It doesn't matter
how many doe-eyed poses you strike...

or how many Bubbeezee products
you cuddle with...

or how many cover pages you get.

In the end, we're nothing more than props,

shiny shills
for the real person in charge,

the one who's always been on top.

[snores] Snacks!

Travis Le Duque.

Uh...

Wait, are we taking down Trav?
Cool Trav, for realsies?

As long we let Travis call the shots,
we'll never be in charge.

And worse, we'll never be a team.

[grunts]

- Buskie?
- [Scooter shrieks]

We don't need a leader.
We need to stick together.

So, who feels like impressing me
by disappointing me

with how impressive they are?

Very cute...

but this is a catalog sh**t,
not a prom photo.

[Travis grunting]

[grunting]

This is not my vision!

[Travis grunting]

- [grunting continues]
- [babbles, shrieks]

- Aah!
- [Scooter babbles, giggles]

Are we in this together or what?

[screaming]

- Well, I guess that's art.
- He sort of had it coming.

- Ah, no... [grunting]
- [camera shutter clicks]

[Mrs. Buskie] Tim, this is amazing!

Finally, a solar system I can believe in!

And you did this all by yourself?

- No "comet."
- [parents laugh]

Oh, who cares about the catalog?

We'll find some other way
to boost baby love.

The important thing is we're a team again.

Go, enjoy the day.

Take all the naps
and fill all the diapers.

Tomorrow, we get back to work.

[slurping]

- [babbling]
- Yeah, Boss, what is the plan?

"Boss"?

Well, if you need a plan,
plan on having no idea

what's gonna happen tomorrow,
and plan on winning.

[baby monitor ringing, buzzing]

[ringing, buzzing continue]

You did it, Boss!

[chiming]

[Hermano] My brother just called!
He said I did okay!

And I said, "Does this mean
we could have Thanksgiving at my place?"

And you know what he said?

Nothing, but that wasn't a no!

Baby love's back to normal, huh?

Higher than normal, actually,

thanks to that brilliant catalog cover
you orchestrated.

- What cover?
- [Marsha] We did it!

We did it, people!
Holy guacamole, we did it!

Ha ha! Look at that,
advertising in the flesh.

[parents exclaiming]

- [Mayor] Oh, look at that, look at that!
- [Boss] They doctored the photo.

[Mega Fat] So, what do you think?

I think they're a bunch
of sneaky marketing wizards

over at Bubbeezee,

and I'd like find who's at the top
of their org chart and shake their hand.

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪