01x06 - Kiff's Mix/Kiff's on a Plane

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: This episode's
brought to you by Fly Guys,

the 32-year anniversary
volleyball edition, out now.

(laughs) I can't believe
I'm finally meeting

your old college friends.

- (both gasp)
- They're here.

(excited chatter)

Let me guess.

This must be Meryl,

the world-famous architect.

I designed this airport.

Deryl, pre-eminent chocolatier.

(exclaims)

Cheryl, renowned jazz songstress.

(scatting)

Nice to meet you.

And I, of course, am Kiff,

the natural, totally not forcing it

fifth and newest member of this group.

Love it!

Baggage claim's right this way.

Whoa, whoa, wee-wah!

This baggage claim makes the auto club

look like Frankenstein's china cabinet.

(all laugh)

KIFF: Laugh, you fool.

(cackles)

Auto club cabinet! Look like!

She'll get it when she's older.

I did get the joke.

Hey, kid, over here.

A hologram.

Are you looking for a quick way
to earn status and respect?

That's exactly what's happening.

Then you should consider becoming a pilot.

(gasps) Of course!

It's so obvious.

Pilots are the pinnacle of maturity.

Just wait till the Eryls
see me piloting my own plane.

Hey, kid, over here.

Welcome to pilot school, cadets.

Here you will undergo a rigorous training,

ending in a bona fide flight test

in front of your loved ones.

I, of course, am Sergeant Hind,
first name Bigby.

(all snicker)

Bigby Hind?

Ha, ha. Very funny.

I've heard them all before, I assure you.

I will now attach your trainee epaulettes.

Everything you've heard about me
is true. I'm intense.

I was an extra in the movie Fly Guys,

and I expect a lot from my cadets.

Cadet Biff, why do you want to be a pilot?

Sir, my parents made a joke and I laughed,

and then they said
I was too young to get the joke,

so I wanted to be a pilot
so they'd finally believe

I got the joke, sir!

Get out.

There's no space on a pilot's plane
for emotional baggage.

Cadet Kiff, same question.

Uh...

I want to be a pilot

for the same reason you did, sir.

You have a deep love of clouds?

Bada bing.

Cadet Reggie?

Same, same. The cloud thing.

Not weird baggage about jokes.

- Good, good.
- Whew!

Lesson one, handling heights.

(exhales) We gonna fire up
this bad boy, sarge?

Nope.

(airplane beeping)

Conquer the stairs, conquer your fears.

Kiff, you're first.

BARRY: Kiff!

SERGEANT HIND: Who's that
running on my tarmac?

BARRY: Kiff!

Barry?

Kiff!

Your mom was so worried about you!

You went off for the day
without your sippy cup!

Sippy cup?

I don't own a sippy cup.

I haven't touched one of those in years.

Get up those stairs, cadet.

Okay, I got this.

I did get the joke. I did get the joke.

(mocking chatter)

You didn't get the joke.

Kiff, I got you!

(gasps)

Ugh, what happened?

I'm sorry, Kiff. I distracted you.

Why'd you have to bring
my old sippy cup, Bar? It's embarrassing.

- I'll get rid of it. It's gone.
- Wait!

The way you caught your friend
back there was very pilot.

Consider yourself enrolled.

Cadet Barry is my new star student.

Cadet Kiff, you're my new dud.

I don't know
what happened up there, sarge.

We got to move on, cadet.

Okay, let's have some fun, everybody.

The most important part of flying a plane?

Communicating
with your passengers. Observe.

Well, folks, if you look out the, uh...

right side of the plane,

you'll get a...

pretty nice view of Mount Table.

Wow.

Flightless squirrel, you're up.

(gasps)

You didn't get the joke.

I did get the joke.

- (feedback squealing)
- CHERYL: Joke, joke,

joke, joke, joke...

Did you say "joke"?

- No.
- Kiff, what's going on?

Barry, I don't know what's happening.
I can't do this.

Kiff, all you need is some sort
of epic training sequence.

- Will that work?
- Trust me.

(tinny rock music playing)

Uh, folks, we just detected

a montage up ahead.

♪ Getting the joke is a huge part ♪

♪ Of being an adult, they say ♪

♪ Someone says something funny ♪

♪ And everyone laughs ♪

♪ You weren't allowed to
And not be questioned about it ♪

- ♪ Broken heart ♪
- ♪ To prove you got the joke ♪

♪ Still having fun ♪

♪ You gotta prove you got that joke ♪

♪ It's gonna be a struggle
But you can't give up ♪

♪ It's been years since you used
That little sippy cup ♪

- ♪ Broken heart ♪
- ♪ To prove you got the joke ♪

♪ Still having fun ♪

♪ You gotta prove you got that joke ♪

♪ Touch the stars... ♪

What does this have to do
with being a pilot?

Seriously? Nobody here has seen Fly Guys?

♪ They try to laugh just to fit in ♪

♪ Wet in the drinks you'll be spitting ♪

♪ You're an ace, put them in their place ♪

♪ You know you got it ♪

♪ The joke ♪

♪ You got that joke ♪

♪ You know you got it ♪

♪ You got that joke ♪

♪ You got it ♪

♪ No matter what they do ♪

♪ They can't take laughs ♪

♪ Away from you ♪

Remember that your final test
will be you in action

in a c*ck.

But I'm confident that all of you

will nail your junior pilot's test tomorrow.

Mommies and daddies welcome.

(indistinct chattering)

(laughter)

- I don't recognize her.
- Oh, my gosh.

- Wow, that's--
- Ahem.

I expect to see you all in attendance.

Good day.

"Kiff Chatterley cordially invites you

to witness her ascension
to highly respected pilot

at an ultra-cool flight simulation."

Wow!

Kiff! Oh, everybody's looking for you.

The test has started.
Reggie's doing his flight.

KIFF: Well, where is he?
Is he already flying high?

He's right in front of you.

Oh, no.

I've way overhyped this.

What happened to the c*ck?

That is a c*ck.

But... my pilot's license!

It's a junior pilot's license, kid.

KIFF: Oh, no.

Uh, no.

SERGEANT HIND: Next up, Kiff Chatterley.

(shushing)

- ALL: Aw!
- Cute.

(groans)

There's only one thing to do.

I've just got to own it.

(camera shutter clicks)

Here we go.

(sputters)

That was pretty good.

Ladies and gentlemen,

this is your, uh... pilot speaking.

To my right, you'll see my mom
and her, uh... cool friends.

And up in this c*ck,
you'll see me, uh...

being just as cool.

Kiff did get the joke.

Oh, it's so obvious to me

now that she is piloting
this luxury airplane.

(in slow motion) No!

This better not look funny.

- (all laugh)
- Do not move, cadet.

You could be in shock.

Try slowly moving your hindquarters

to help circulation.

Really? All right.

(all laughing)

(chuckles) Just messing with you.

Obviously, I'm gonna
have to fail you, though.

That was not very pilot.

You know what, sir?

I'm actually fine
with being not very pilot.

- (all gasp)
- That's right.

The only reason I signed up
for these lessons in the first place

was to earn the respect
of my mom and her cool friends.

But I'm tired of pretending.

So here goes.

I didn't get the joke!

- Did she say "joke"?
- Hardly a joke...

Did she say "Joe" or "joke"?

Ladies, I did not really get
the joke, either.

I didn't get the joke.

(inhales deeply)
I didn't get the joke, either.

But it was your joke.

Oh, I was just riffing.

It's a jazz thing, baby.

(laughs) Huzzah.

(all chatter and applaud)

Dad, four years ago at the pool,

I never got the joke.

I love you too, Dad.

SERGEANT HIND: I...

hate clouds.

Cadet Kiff, you've earned your wings.

- (laughter)
- CHERYL: Oh, Kiff.

You are high-larious!

Very pilot.

♪ Today, he gets the joke ♪

(closing theme music playing)