01x01 - Skates, Lies & Videos

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat music playing)

PARIS: This is a story
about three best friends

from the South Side of Chicago
that love to get their skate on.

But first, let's start with me,

one Paris Johnson.

And when I get down,
I got to have my girls

with me at all times.

Ari, who's as fly
as the butterfly she rocks,

and Simone, my day one from day one.

And we make up the We-B-Girlz skate crew.

And it all goes down here...

Saturdays Rockin' Roller Palace.

We just call it Saturdays.

The rest don't matter.

Saturdays is just banging.

The decor, the people,

and the music is definitely on hit,

compliments of my big brother, DJ London,

and his boy Derek.

They keep the party going.

And it's all made possible by the owner,

Ms. Duchess Williams,

aka "The Duchess."

Every year, Duchess holds

the Battle Two-B Golden Skate Competition

where she chooses The Goldens,

the best skaters
that Saturdays has to offer.

And who doesn't wanna be recognized

as one of the best of the best of all time

and have their face immortalized

on the famous Golden Wall of Fame?

Like my parents. I know I do.

I live for Saturdays at Saturdays, okay?

It's always litty in here.

And me and my crew
stay ready for the turn up.

ALL: Hey!

What I love most about my girls,
Simone and Ari,

is they always got my back
and I got theirs.

Ooh, thanks. Your girl was chilly.

Mint?

- Ooh, am I hali?
- A little bit.

Thanks, girl.

See? Got her back.

The We-B-Girlz, we're like
the three musketeers but cuter.

- All for one and one...
- Beyonce! Beyonce!

She's sh**ting a video here!

Ooh, thanks, girls.

- See? They got my back.
- Beyonce?

Did she just say Beyonce?

I think she did.

Oh, my gosh, I'm going to scream
because Beyonce is coming.

(screaming)

SINGER: ♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ Long as I got fun, family and friends ♪

♪ I got everything that I need
Everybody out the way ♪

♪ It's Saturday ♪

♪ We ain't got no time to waste ♪

♪ No work, all play ♪

♪ No stress
We got everything that we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪

- Duchess! Is it true?
- Is what true?

According to (indistinct) Mr. Perry said

that Beyonce is sh**ting
her next video here.

Mr. Perry? Mr. Perry can't hear.

Y'all know that.

I said that Box Heezy

is sh**ting his next video here.

Wait a minute.

The hottest rapper in the game right now

with a box on his head?

That Box Heezy?

I love how he gives back to his community

by building playgrounds
out of cardboard boxes.

Yeah, so much fun! Until it rains.

Duchess, you gotta get us
into that video like yesterday.

It's not up to me.

They're only auditioning skaters
that are 18 and older.

- You should talk to Ivan.
- Ivan? For what?

His uncle, Tyronius Rex,
is directing the video.

Maybe Ivan can pull
some strings and get you in.

- Ivan? I can't stand Ivan.
- Same here.

With his deep brown eyes and curly hair

and pearly white teeth
that twinkle when he smiles?

Mm-mm. Disgusting.

I don't care who's sh**ting
a music video here.

We're not asking Ivan for anything.

Nope. No way, not happening.

Mm-mm.

ALL: Hey, Ivan!

Ah, if it isn't
the We-B-Homely Skate Crew.

Now what brings your braided crowns
to the VIP of Ivan?

Well, we know that Box Heezy
is filming a music video out here

and your uncle T-Rex
is directing. (Chuckles)

This is true. You know, it's also true

that I would be serving as a producer

and making my acting debut.

So, uh, I'm kind of a big deal.

You know, you really are
because your aura is just so magnificent.

(clears throat)

Anyway, we know that auditions
are coming up soon,

- and there's an age restriction...
- Yeah.

...and we were wondering if maybe...

- Maybe I could hook you all up?
- Yeah.

- Is that correct?
- Yes.

- For the blowup?
- Exactly.

It's just us trying to elevate
a bit, you know, flow-flow.

- Flow.
- Ah, I... I see you. Flow-flow.

Tell you what, I like you girls.
Uh, I really do.

And, you know, just for being
the beautiful queens that you are,

I will hook y'all up.

(both squeal)

- Wait, are you for real?
- Yes.

I'm gonna hook y'all up with a no!

No! No.

- Gummy skate?
- Bad Ivan.

(mouths) Call me.

(upbeat music playing)

Derek, I'm saying,
if you go in first, dude,

- he gonna be, like, "Okay."
- Hey, guys, what's good?

Dad, everything.

Box Heezy is filming
his new music video at Saturdays.

Oh, wow. Okay. That's amazing.
Who's Box Heezy?

You know him. He's the rapper
that wears that box on his head

- to hide his identity.
- Oh.

And your oh-so-talented son
will be DJ-ing the auditions.

- Okay!
- Wow.

Along with his oh-so-talented homie
rocking the mic.

- That's right.
- Yes, you!

So Derek and I are gonna slide Box Heezy

one of our mix tapes so we can...

BOTH: Blow up!

(laughing)

- To the lab.
- DEB: Right, right.

(chuckles)

Hey, what's going on
with you three ladies?

We wanted to be
in the new Box Heezy video,

- but you have to be 18.
- That part.

Aw, that's too bad.
What's the video about?

It's Box Heezy.

Who cares what the video is about?
We just wanna be in it.

(chuckles)

Hey, listen, I see we have a Doug Jones

and his fiancée Bertha coming by today?

- Mm-hmm.
- Is that the same Doug from high school?

You know, dumpy-looking brother?

He had the twin stomachs and a sleepy eye?

Yeah, that's him.

He's getting married and he wants us
to make his wedding cake.

Mm-hmm. So why didn't you mention it?

Because you've always thought that Doug

had a thing for me in high school

and I just didn't want you
getting all weird on me

- like you do.
- Weird, you mean... you mean jealous?

Not jealous. Territorial.

Yeah, that's jealous,
but with different letters.

- (knocking on door)
- Okay, you know what?

That's him. Be cool, okay?

- Oh, man. I'm cool with your thing.
- Just be good.

I'm good! You ain't get the memo?

- Clearly not.
- (chuckles)

Hey, Cal. It's me.

Doug.

Door slipped.

PARIS: Come on, y'all.

We have to figure out how we're gonna get
into the audition.

A spot in the next Box Heezy video
would be an instant flex.

We'll be famous!

My cousin Shey-Shey got famous
from being in a video once.

Camera caught her driving her car

through the front entrance
of a minimart.

She thought it was a drive-through.

Obviously, it wasn't. But now it is.

She gets out next week.

Out of where? The hospital?

Yeah, the one with bars.

Guys, we have to focus. This is our shot.

We have to get into that video
by any means necessary.

Okay, slow down, Kamala X.

See, you're on your way to doing too much.

Since when do I do too much?

Let's see. How about yesterday?

Um, it's a bit too windy for that.

Girl, come on. We good.

Whoa! Oh, wait a minute!

Hey, you got to see
all of Chicago in one day.

You're welcome.

This whole "gotta be 18" rule stinks.

You know what? Who says we can't be 18?

Our birth certificates.

Yeah, but they don't say we can't look 18.

(upbeat music playing)

Ha. We're here
for the Box Heezy video audition.

Mm-hmm. Where they at?

(upbeat music playing)

PARIS: Sorry for being late.

We got caught in traffic
coming here from college and all.

(grunting)

- Oh, you're in college?
- Mm-hmm.

Which one?

Uh, the one with a lot of grass out front.

Statues and stuff. Big clock?

You know, the, the yard, man?

- The yard!
- Yes.

Right, right.
You sure you girls are over 18?

(laughter)

You're funny.

Yes, that's a good one.

Sucker?

Ooh, yes. Sour apple.

I just love sour apple. My favorite.

The doors open in a few.

Just fall back. I'll let you in.

ALL: Thank you.

T-REX: Ivan, this is crucially important.

Make sure there's gluten
in my gluten-free yogurt and greens

- in my baby green salad.
- Okay, yeah, I got it, Uncle T-Rex.

There will be greens in green salad
and, uh, gluten in gluten-free yogurt.

- Right.
- Which is just yogurt.

- And a coffee. Hot.
- Okay.

But not hot-hot. I got a tender tongue.

So... Matter of fact, make it a cold brew.

Okay. Not hot-hot cold brew coming up.

You know, Ivan said that
he was gonna be a producer,

but the only thing
that he's producing is coffee.

- Who said that?
- Okay.

What the hell?

I knew she was the one

when she pushed me off the monkey bars

and I fell and chipped my two front teeth.

(laughs) Ooh, the memories.

- Hey, Mom.
- Uh, hello.

(chuckles) Um, I'm Deb. You are?

- Trina.
- Oh, hey, Trina. Okay.

This is Dad's third grade sweetheart.

- DEB: Oh.
- LONDON: Can you believe that?

They were just catching me up
on old times.

Wow, third grade sweetheart, huh, Cal?

How this all little reunion come about?

LONDON: Oh, Dad invited her.

Yeah. Go and tell her, Dad.

Eat your cookies, boy.

- Yeah, Carl...
- Cal.

Ken, out of the blue, DM'd me

and offered me 12 free boxes
of snickerdoodle cookies.

And, girl, I just love me
some snickerdoodles.

Girl. She done love her
some snickerdoodles.

And I see you get your free cookies.

Okay. So this what we doing now, Cal, huh?

Inviting snickerdoodle lady over here
from third grade as an attempt

to make me jealous over baking
Dumpy Doug's wedding cake?

That's what we doing?

- I don't know. Are you jealous?
- No, I'm not.

Well, then that's not what I'm doing!

Okay, I'll admit, I got a little weird

when I saw Dumpy Doug last week,
but let me tell you something.

He doesn't just want us
to bake him the wedding cake,

he wants you on top of that wedding cake.

- No, he does not.
- Yes, he does.

Look, after he left, I went
all up and through his social media.

I didn't see not one sign
of him having a fiancée.

All I saw is that he loves baby oil

and doesn't own not one shirt.

Ooh, that sound like my type of man.

Listen, do you hear
how silly you sound, okay?

His fiancee's name is Bertha
and she's from France.

Deb, have you ever heard
of any woman named Bertha from France?

That name is straight from Mississippi.

I'm telling you, she does not exist.

You know what doesn't exist? You, okay?

So you can just sit here
with your little snickerdoodle

and your little snickerdoodle DM, okay?

- (laughs)
- Can I take a box to-go?

You should just go.

(indistinct chatter)

So dark in here. Is it dark to you, guys?

A little.

But I can't tell
if it's these lights or these...

Ooh... skinny jeans
cutting off my circulation.

A twin. So like if you come with...

Bro?

- Paris?
- (gasps)

What are y'all doing here?

And looking like this.

What's up with your lips?

You get stung by a bee or something?

No.

Can y'all calm down a bit?

We snuck in here, okay?

Obviously. And now,
y'all can sneak on out.

What? We went through
all this trouble. Look at us.

- I'd rather not.
- Mm-mm.

London, aren't you trying
to get your mix tape

- to Box Heezy so you could blow up?
- Yeah. And what?

Who better to slide it to him than
the person who's gonna be in the video?

Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Bruh, take that back scratch.

- I'm tired of doing it for you.
- What?

- I mean, I'm... Uh-uh.
- (exhales sharply)

All right, fine.

Just don't lose it, okay?

- Thank you, London.
- Yeah, thank you.

You can thank me
by getting Box Heezy that mix tape,

if you can figure out what he looks like.

Shouldn't be that hard.

Just gotta look for a dude
with a big old box on his head.

I don't think Box Heezy walks around
with a box on his head all day.

- He could be anyone in here.
- (thuds)

Um, y'all, is Simone okay?

My legs are numb.

I think y'all gotta cut me outta these.

You might have
a little weird seasoning on you.

- But it's okay.
- What? Man...

I accept you, all right?
Let's see... Hey, man!

What in the world are you doing up here?

I was waiting for the auditions,

saw the comfy chair,
thought I might take a load off.

Okay. Well, you can't be
eating nachos up here, okay?

Yeah, you can't be eating nachos up here.

- Unless you wanna share.
- Derek.

- Man, you gotta bounce.
- My apologies.

Hey, I love that Omega XZ-91
groove box you got there.

I hear if you add a compressor,
it'll make the beat hit harder.

Have a good one.

ARI: I don't think Box Heezy walks around
with a box on his head all day.

He could be anyone in here.

- Box Heezy.
- Box Heezy.

Hey, man, how you doing?

Look, nacho man, slow up a bit,
you know what I'm saying?

Take a load off.
I know you're tired, all right?

So you know a little bit about music, huh?

I dabble.

Hey, fellas. This guy bothering you?

Man, no. The only person
bothering us is you.

Yeah. Why don't you secure nacho man
some more nachos?

- He running low.
- LONDON: Okay, extra jalapenos.

- Go.
- Just go.

So, nacho guy, you like mix tapes?

Do you mean cassettes
that are able to play

plastic polyester film
with magnetic coating?

Uh, nah, man. Just this.

Sure.

You wanna share one of those?

T-REX: What up?

I'm Tyronius Rex.

T-Rex. (Screams)

I'm the director of Box Heezy's video

and I'm looking
for the best skaters in Chicago.

All right, all right. It's audition time.

Let's get this party started!

(cheering)

SINGER: ♪ I'm in demand, I'm in command ♪

♪ I got the whole wide world in my hand ♪

♪ I'm in demand ♪

♪ I'm in demand ♪

♪ I'm in demand ♪

Hey, Paris, I can't see anything. Paris!

♪ World domination is my plan ♪

Whoa, pants too tight!

♪ I'm in demand ♪

Excuse me! Watch out!

- Coming through.
- Hey!

ARI: Ow, ow, ow, ow.

♪ I'm in demand ♪

SIMONE: I hate these pants.

Hey, college girls.

I think spring break
is coming early for you.

All right, you leave this one
to me, Uncle T. All right?

Toss them all like day-old bagels.

Slow down, coffee boy.

Mr. T-Rex, sir, we're really sorry
for crashing into the audition.

We just really wanted to be in the video.

You know what, girls?

I admire your tenacity, your hustle.

So guess what?

I'm gonna make room for you in the video.

- ALL: What?
- What?

- Are you serious?
- Mr. T-Rex, really?

You're gonna let us be in the video?

- Yes.
- (all squeal)

I have room for one of you.

ALL: One?

Uno.

So who's it gonna be?

You know what? Box Heezy is whack.

BOTH: For real.

If only one of us can be in that video,

I don't wanna be in it.

- I'll pass.
- Same here.

If y'all ain't rocking, I ain't rocking.

Preach. I'm out too.

Well, I guess that settles it.

None of us are gonna be
in the Box Heezy video.

(slurping)

SINGER: ♪ And they say someday
I would be a millionaire ♪

PARIS: Ari?

SIMONE: Paris?

ALL: What are you doing here?
I thought you said... How come...

Wait, wait, wait.

Why didn't you guys just be honest
and say you wanted to be in the video?

The same reason you didn't.

We wanted to be in the video.

Mm-hmm. That makes sense
and then absolutely no sense.

Okay, so we were all in the wrong here.

We should've just been truthful and said
that we wanted to be in the video.

- This is true.
- Quite accurate.

And in the future,
even if we're disagreeing

or not on the same page,

let's never treat each other
like this again.

Agreed?

BOTH: Agreed.

- I still wanna be in the video.
- So do I.

Same here.

So that means
there's only one way to settle this.

Yo, what up? It's Derek "D-Rok" Troy,

your boy in the building
and my man London on the mix.

Welcome to the Skate Cypher,
where we keep it off the street

and let the eight wheels settle the beef.

SINGER: ♪ Money-making moves, boss moves ♪

♪ Doing what we do, boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

♪ When I take action
It's gonna give me satisfaction ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ I am the captain and the queen
I'll make it happen ♪

♪ Baby
What I'm gonna do ♪

♪ Move a little like a horsey
When the bit leaves ♪

♪ And it's lookin' like I'm saucy
Gonna need me ♪

♪ You're in your big-boy pants
So take a chance ♪

♪ I'll show you
A winner's hand ♪

♪ In the floor, make another boss move ♪

♪ Go and do it, make another boss move ♪

♪ Attitude, every time we do a boss move ♪

♪ Let's do it, let's do it
Let's do it, let's do it ♪

♪ Money-making moves, boss moves ♪

♪ Doing what we do, boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

♪ Money-making moves, boss moves ♪

♪ Doing what we do, boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

- ♪ What we do? ♪
- ♪ Boss moves ♪

(screaming)

(humming)

- (Deb laughs) Do you love it?
- Mmm!

Right? There's a special ingredient
with the chocolate.

DOUG: Mm.

- You're back, huh?
- DEB: Hey, Cal.

Doug was actually just coming
for his last tasting.

He absolutely loves

our chocolate ganache.

It's so good. Bertha's gonna love it.

CAL: Bertha's gonna love it, huh?

So where is old Bertha, huh?

She in the car? Back home?
Or in your imagination?

Oh, no, no.
Her flight from France got delayed.

She said she was gonna try to make it
here, but you know those planes.

- Oh!
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

the planes get tricky, you know,

especially when you fly it
all the way from fairytale land.

(laughs) Cal, you... Stop it.

- Am I missing something?
- Don't mind Cal.

He just thinks that Bertha isn't real.

He thinks you reached out to us
to make your wedding cake

as an excuse to see me again.

You know, since you always had eyes
for me in high school.

(chuckles)

Uh, Deb, I... I never had eyes
for you in high school.

What are you talking about?
I mean, has the ganache gone to your head?

Of course, you did.

I mean, you used to follow me
to the I every day to school.

I lived two doors down from you.

Yeah, but you used to always
ask me out to the movies.

I worked at the theater.

I mean, you and your girlfriends
were always crying broke.

I thought I'd get you in for free.

Well, yeah, we was ratchet like that.

- But you asked me out to the prom.
- Mm.

Well, your mama asked me to.

And that was only
because she didn't like Cal.

- It sounds like your mama.
- But what about when you...

What about we just put
an end to this, okay?

Doug, I'm sorry, brother.

When you showed up last week,

looking all trim and fit,

and got your eye fixed, I was tripping.

Okay? I lost it.

That... That's my fault, okay?

And, babe, the whole Trina thing,
I'm sorry.

I was way out of line.

I love you.

What about that big old plane
you had fly across Chicago?

Remember that big old banner
that read, "I love you, D"?

Hm. My mama's name is Denice.

- Tss!
- Hmm.

- (knock on door)
- I'll get that.

BERTHA:
Hello, I'm Bertha. Doug's fiancée.

- Come in, Bertha.
- BERTHA: Oh, thank you.

Bertha.

I've never seen that woman
a day in my life.

I was gonna hold back
a little bit at first.

I was like, "You know, why not?"

You guys were amazing!

That whole Cypher thing was crazy.

Oh. Yeah, well, thank you, brother.
Thank you.

But if you love that,
then you're really gonna love

the rest of that mix tape we gave you.

Can I get another? I accidentally dropped
the other one in my nachos.

Oh, yeah, no problem.

- Hold on to that one.
- I will. See ya around.

Oh!

And your secret is safe with us.

Oh, right.

Okay.

BOTH: We're about to blow up!

(laughing)

♪ We finna get me a car, get me a car ♪

♪ I'm gonna drive that car
Drive that car ♪

Hey, thanks for the nachos earlier.

- Have a good one.
- I will. Whoever you are.

WOMAN: Box Heezy, you're needed in makeup.

Box Heezy, you're needed in makeup.

Copy that.

(upbeat music playing)

Yo! That was incredible.

I... I was blown away.

I need all of you
to be in the music video.

- All of you.
- ALL: Really?

- No.
- Ivan, iced coffee, no ice.

What? Why... why do you keep
doing this to me?

I... Just... Okay.

So, what do you say, girls?

Y'all wanna be
in Box Heezy's new music video?

ALL: Yes!

- Duh! Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

Great. I have three roles
that are perfect for y'all.

(upbeat music playing)

♪ Flush all them haters ♪

♪ Flush, flush all them haters ♪

♪ Uh, I'd be skating on my haters ♪

♪ See ya later, alligators ♪

♪ Plungin' all my haters
'Cause my haters make me greater ♪

♪ Uh, you got to flush 'em away ♪

♪ Flush, flush 'em away ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Plunge 'em away ♪

♪ Plunge, plunge 'em away, hey ♪

- All together, all together.
- (imitating turntable scratching)

The next time, maybe you should ask
what it's about, you know?

(laughing)

You want some popcorn? All right.

(laughs) No, don't be a hater.

SINGER: ♪ Riding out the house, like whoo
Ready for the judge ♪

♪ What we about to do
What has to be done ♪

♪ Watch you skating down the boulevard ♪

♪ Fast cars, kicking down bars ♪

♪ Ain't no coolest running like ours ♪

♪ Monday through Friday
Got us like, "Man" ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ We got everything that we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪