02x04 - Moon Shot

[bunniefuu]

-Hold all my call-- Whoa!
-[laughing]

♪ Boss Baby! ♪

♪ I'm the boss
Dial in to the meeting ♪

♪ Everybody here?
Please find your seating ♪

♪ While you teething
I'm sinking my teeth in ♪

♪ First one to show
So I can do all my greeting ♪

♪ Profits, payrolls and pacifiers ♪

♪ I make friends!
I love you, you're hired! ♪

♪ So come on
And raise your juice boxes skyward! ♪

♪ Boss babies until we retire! ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪

♪ Grab a high chair
This the family business ♪

♪ Boss Baby ♪

[babbling]

You know why
you've never gotten art on the fridge?

Because you want it too much.

Don't do it for them. Do it for you.

But quickly, because this apple
feels like it's got bricks for seeds.

[groans]

[celestial music playing]

[woman] Oh, honey. Baby drew a...
I think it's your mother.

Anyway, I love it.

[Boss Baby & Tina] Baby love!

Any progress
with Scared of Sprinklers Baby?

He's got a new name.
Stoked to Be Soaked Baby.

Pew, pew, pew!

[Boss Baby & Tina] Baby love!

[giggling in deep voice]

It's so unsettling.

He sounds dubbed.

I have a theory. Please indulge me.

[Dez giggling in deep voice]

[giggles in normal voice]

As I suspected. It's just--

Posture, everyone. Posture.

-[shouts]
-[giggling in normal voice]

[man] He's laughing like a regular baby!

Oh, we can finally go to the circus.

[all] Baby love!

Ah! I am so pumped right now.

Look at that love.

Lookit, lookit.

Our little startup did that.

All we needed was
Crispin Biscuits out of the way and pow!

Is this what amazing feels like?
It feels amazing!

[mooing]

-We should feel like this all the time.
-Yeah.

When you're on a hot streak,
it's time to go big.

Give us all the baby love.

It's gotta be flashy, the Untitled
Templeton Project's declaration

to the baby world that we are here,

-and there's no challenge we can't--
-[mooing continues]

Yeah, we get it.

-You love the--
-[mooing continues]

-We're sending a baby to the moon.
-Can we make it him?

He's eating mayonnaise
straight from the tub, and it's gross.

I like the texture.

Nobody's going to the actual moon.

We're staging a fake moon landing.

If we're not going, what's the point?

We're running a standard Olive Keys deal.

You don't know Olive Keys?

Let me take you back to my Vegas days.

It was the go-go 1970s,
and the hottest show in town was Tozo.

He could play
like a hummingbird on hot sauce.

But his most famous night
wasn't about tickling keys

but about tickling hearts.

Tozo was doing his one-handed showboating
when I drew his attention

to his biggest baby fan,
a certain Olive Keys.

Without missing a note,
Tozo scooped Olive on-stage,

and, oh, the music they played together.

That night, Baby Corp Las Vegas
earned more baby love

than every other branch
made all month. Why?

Because there's nothing more heartwarming
than seeing a baby achieve their dream.

Wait. There's a Baby Corp Las Vegas?

Why am I working
in this zero-shrimp-buffet hick town?

The branch got shut down in the '80s
for diaper laundering.

Now, let's land this moon shot.

[Tina] Simmons and Tabitha,
you two are on fake-rocket construction.

[Boss Baby] It's gotta be mobile,
it's gotta be eye-catching

and it must be baby-safe.

-We should do this outside.
-More room to blow stuff up.

[Tina] Bad Idea Baby,

we need you to market
the stink out of this. We're talking--

Merchandise. Big things for the kids.
Teeny tiny things for the adults.

-Those are actually really good idea--
-Finally...

Hatsteroids!

Asteroids you wear on your head.

And there it is.

Lose the hat. Keep the rest.

[Tina] And Field Team,
we're gonna need a fake moon set.

Still working on a location,
but whatever it is...

We'll wanna dress it up.
Painted backdrop, foam boulders.

Maybe hollow one out,
I climb inside and become the moon.

Ruler of tides.
Bringer of the eclipse! No.

That's not you anymore, Dez.
You're a baby.

You okay, bud?

Just trying to leave
that disguise life behind.

-Do my new thing.
-What is your new thing?

What's your thing? Asking dumb questions?
Apologies, ma'am.

I thought it might be "cheeky backsasser,"
but I did not enjoy that.

To the arts-and-crafts store.

Sold out of everything? How?

-Luxes.
-We have the stage rented? Love it.

Be there soon with the supplies.

Oh. Look who else is at Art & Kath's Art
& Other Creative Essential Things.

Are you also faking a moon landing
with an inspirational baby?

You obviously know we are, idea thieves.

Is that Nannycam?

I know you're mad we wrecked
your retirement, but get over it.

Why are you making European face at me?

Because your ignorance makes us sad.

Nannycam hasn't been CEO in like forever.
Keep up.

-What?
-I guess she self-retired.

We found her as a regular baby,

so she's bye-bye to a family,
probably happy, whatever.

I forget about people who don't matter.
Are you still in front of me?

Wow.

That is a real-- Seize the supplies!

I show you this as an act of mercy,

that you may know how overmatched
your company is.

You guys rented a whole studio?

Yeah. We're huge.

-We have the better fake moon, and...
-The better pilot.

Hey. Hello.

[Hilde] This is Pilot Baby.

His parents have flown him
halfway around the globe.

So, yeah, he knows a thing or three.

-Two.
-One. Blast-off.

I can't believe they stole our idea.

I can't believe how cool
that pilot baby is.

I bet he was born wearing those glasses.

I can't believe the cash they're dropping.

So what?

So they've got resources.
Don't you remember where this started?

Moon Baby.

That's what they can't buy.

Passion. That Olive Keys magic.

We're not just putting
a baby on the fake moon.

We have a baby with a dream,
and we get to tell her--

[crying]

Not the real moon.
We're just sending you to a pretend one.

But it'll still feel like being
on the moon. We promise.

[fusses]

How are you scared of the moon?

-You say "moon" all the time.
-[babbles]

Okay, first, language.

[moos]

Wait. Moo?

You love cows?

But we saw you pointing up at the moon.

[babbles]

I'm familiar with the nursery rhyme
where the cow jumps over it.

A cautionary tale about the dangers
of giving fiddles to cats.

[babbles]

I guess moo-cow did show
that garbage sky rock where to cram it.

The fake moon landing is off.

-What?
-Are you serious?

Our astronaut hates the moon.
Big misunderstanding.

-You seem weirdly calm.
-We've had time to digest the news.

Who likes cows more than moons?!

We decided calling off the fake
moon landing was the best decision.

Baby Corp's got too big of a head start.

Nobody cares about the second baby
on the fake moon.

We're just gonna let those thieves win?

Ha! Win? All Baby Corp's done
is prove their new CEO is scared of us.

Every resource imaginable,
and they've gotta rip us off?

Cammy, get Baby Corp on a call.

-Why?
-So they can see we're not scared of them.

Let those dumb dinosaurs have one
of our great ideas.

We'll come up with a zillion more.

Luxes. How are we?

Honestly?

A tad homesick.

It's Schueberfouer this week, and we're
not going to be there to celebrate.

-Because of this moon thing.
-Which we are very pumped about.

Great source of baby love.

But it's Schueberfouer. You get it.

I don't, but this will cheer you up.

We're canceling our moon landing.

[Hilde] How very sad and sensible.

Put your new CEO on,
and I'll deliver the news.

He heard already.
He's standing right here.

You got all that, sir?

[toy] Smiles are teeth saying hi.

Wow.

-He is in a great mood.
-Hilarious.

We're making a respectful concession call.

Let's take this seriously.

We are serious like public radio.

This is our new chief executive,
Pull String CEO Baby.

The board turned
the company over to a dolly?

The 5-percenter system makes things
so simple.

Everyone was like,
"A pull-string toy could do this."

-And they were right.
-[toy] We will never run out of hugs!

Sounds like someone's approved
a larger field ops budget.

-Thank you.
-Every part of this is so insulting.

Should we pull the string
until we find something

-that doesn't hurt your feelings?
-[toy] Peek-a-boo.

-I found my best friend.
-Concession speech canceled.

If it's a space race you want,
it's a space race you'll lose.

Anybody feel like
letting a pull-string doll

beat us to the moon
and get the baby love that comes with it?

-No!
-No way!

Let's get to work.

We're playing catch-up now,
gotta move quick.

-Tab, Simmons, how's our rocket?
-Um...

Rocket propulsion test 23.

[rocket crashes]

-We're getting close.
-Inches away.

-You guys find us a moon yet?
-Moon's actually coming to us, sir.

Neighborhood block party's this weekend.
Guess what they rented.

Bounce house!

It's like the surface of the moon,
but fun.

Ha! This is the kind of insider intel
Baby Corp can't buy.

Let them have their fancy set.
We've got a built-in audience.

All we need is a pilot.

Behold your astronaut candidates:

Grass Chow Grace, Max Overreaction,
Kendrick Nosepicker,

Tips-Over Taylor and Boring Baby.

Aptly named. Listen up, you five.

[screaming]

Or four.

You are the best
of who we could get on short notice.

We're looking for a space pilot.

Is it you? Let's find out.

This ain't a fake Sunday picnic, babies.
This is fake space travel.

We need to know you can handle
the pressure. The tight spaces.

Can you stay calm and inspiring
in the heat of the mission?

-[screeches]
-[screams]

[Tabitha] When you land on that fake moon
and feel that fake low gravity,

will you stay inspiring?

We need a hose.

This was a hard choice.

But after much deliberation,

Kendrick Nosepicker is going
to the fake moon.

-No, thanks.
-We're good.

We found an instructional video on proper
parade waving from a former rodeo queen.

-You'll wanna get that locked down.
-For after we kick Baby Corp's butt!

I went lefty for a reason.

Boring Baby, no hard feelings?

If you have feelings.

-[babbles]
-Oh, no, you were absolutely qualified.

Kendrick Nosepicker just had
something I can't quite put my finger on.

-[crying]
-How can you hate flying?

Where's the parade waving?

-[toy] Today is the happiest day of today.
-Bye, now. See you at our parade.

They sabotaged us. Again.

I wanna melt that doll
and pour the plastic

under toy stores around the world.

-Why?
-So it haunts the wicked.

Am I the only one
who studies the ways of the ancients?

If Nosepicker's out, who's our pilot?

[Boring Baby babbles]

Three days till the block party.

Three days to get our rocket
and pilot ready to wow the world.

Three days to do a bunch
of revenge sabotage to Baby Corp.

-For sure!
-Yeah!

-[upbeat music playing]
-[inaudible dialogue

-[cawing]
-[all yelling]

[gasps] No, no, no.

-What did Baby Corp do?
-No, this one was our mess-up. Again.

Do you know how hard it is
to make a rocket

that's eye-catching and safe?

Seems hard. Is it hard?

It is hard. Really, really hard.

Too eye-catching,
and the rocket's too heavy.

Too safe, and there's no room
for an engine big enough to move it.

-Big enough engine... Pfft.
-How'd you do that with the whiteboard?

Does it matter?
The block party is tomorrow!

Uncle Teddy's counting on me
to have this ready.

And you will.

But what if I don't?

You always figure something out.

Your brain needs a few minutes to relax.

I'll take that as "Thank you, Tina,

who always knows what's best for me."
Let's go.

-Everyone's already at Pitties.
-What's Pitties?

[babies giggling]

You think babies swimming in plastic ba*ls
is going to help my brain relax?

Trust me and follow my lead.
Oh. And you'll need this.

Hey, Pitties!

Hey, Pitties!

Whoa!

[country music playing on piano]

Well, look who hollered on down
to Pitties. Hoo-hoo!

Who's your friend, Tina?

Hey, Tyler. This is Tabastian.

Hate to be a stickler,

but we've got a strict 1-and-under
age limit.

You got some ID?

Well, don't I owe somebody
a bucketful of sorries.

Welcome to Pitties.

First juice on me.

He threw up right on her.

[retches]

-That's rich.
-Settle down.

Launch day is tomorrow.

And we have no doubt that every one of you

is going to turn in
an inspired performance.

So that his performance can inspire
a butt-ton of baby love. Woo-hoo!

[Herve] Oh! Love the toast.

Reminds me of what your team
will be tomorrow: crispy bread.

You mean "toast"?

No, toast is where you say things
and then doink your glasses.

Yes, it's the same word.

Why would you use the same word
for two different things?

Your nation does everything wrong.

[crying]

He's still very upset
about missing Schueberfouer.

But it will be worth it when we beat you

with our unbeatably cute pilot
in our unbeatably powerful rocket.

And our unbeatably awesome
fake moon landing on television.

Keep saying "unbeatably."

[Tyler] Oh, hey, hey!

This is Pitties!

Not some goose garage on a Wednesday.

All good, Tyler.

-We know the rules.
-[Hilde] For really?

Then why did you bring
an over-1 into Pitties?

Tabastian?

What's she saying?

Get that shoelace-tying party pooper
out of here.

Wait. I can explain.

It's okay. I'll go.

I think I know how to fix our problem.

[man on jukebox]
Welcome to Jukebox troubleshooting.

While we at Box O' Music stand
by our product,

we know problems arise...

-[babbles]
-You are right.

This is the most boring song ever.

[screeches]

Yes! It's on!

Hey! Cease tussling! Cease tussling!

I underestimated you.

And that makes you perfect
for this company.

[Hilde yelps]

The rocket has distinctive decals,

classic complementary tertiary tones,
and very baby-friendly.

Durable nylon wheels.

They've retrofitted the c*ck
with a six-point click-adjust harness.

Moving to the engine-- Whoa!

A Namashita industrial vacuum.

This thing's got enough power
to suck up the Gobi Desert.

In conclusion, it appears Baby Corp
has thought of everything.

Except me.

[man playing sound check on guitar]

You really were just born for suburbia.

Thank you. Been practicing
my chit-chat all morning.

Lawn care, more like "yawn care."
Am I right, Steve, Doug or Connie?

What's today's mission?
Something to do with rockets?

Gonna keep this one a surprise. Wait.

You say "rockets" plural?

No. No. First you steal our idea,
now you wanna steal our moon?

We don't want to. We have to.

Because someone destroyed
our unbeatable fake-moon studio.

And the someone is that one.

Heh. Prove it.

Choke on my wrath, moon.
I am Tabitha Templeton, your destroyer!

Your moon is so much dumber than ours,
but we are still committed to beat you.

I mean, we already missed Schueberfouer.

Come, Pilot Baby,
let us win this moon race.

Why would you go sabotage-rogue like that?

They're launching Pilot Baby.

Get Boring Baby strapped in.

And you. We'll talk later.

[engine whirring]

No, no, I make jam.

-I buy marmalade.
-[laughs] Right?

Also, lawn care, more like "yawn care."
[chuckles] Connie?

Wanna hear my set on pruning?

Sweet store-bought marmalade!

Somebody put their babies
in pretend rockets!

[all cooing]

[woman] So cute!

[band playing upbeat rock music]

I love anything I can wave.

[Boring Baby babbles]

We see the fake moon too.

You're doing great. Watch out!

Not cool.

I agree with your self-evaluation.

Oh-h*-h*-h*!

-[babbles]
-[Tina] Oh, no. Can she hold?

-[babbles]
-Gonna lose a wheel. What do we do?

Tell Boring Baby to crash
into Pilot Baby's rocket.

What is going on with you?

You asked me to build
an impossible rocket.

Our engine's gonna lose power any second.

But Baby Corp's engine?
That thing is perfection.

We can still get to the moon.
But only if we team up with Baby Corp.

Why do you think I ruined their set?

So your secret plan rests on Baby Corp
agreeing to a joint mission?

That's a big gamble.

So was starting a company from scratch,
and we're nailing that.

Crash into Pilot Baby.

And hard.

[adults gasp]

[giggling]

What a show!

Shame it's over.

Yeah. Let's go hear
that guy's pruning rant.

Oh, no!
The boring pilot ruined our rocket!

[Tabitha] Not the whole rocket.

Your engine is still good,
but your rocket is a mess.

Our engine's garbage,
but our rocket's salvageable.

We can still do this
if we combine our ships.

-Not happening.
-No way.

Check your baby-love numbers.

I bet they're way higher
than your projections.

-How?
-Look around.

[crowd chattering, laughing]

Sure, we need your rocket,
but in exchange, we're giving you...

Schueberfouer!

-I was gonna say a live crowd...
-The festival of our homeland!

It is exactly like this.

We agree to combine forces.

For Schueberfouer.

[Tim] Pruning? I mean,
why not call it what it is, shrub cutting?

Oh, my gosh.

Two babies are working together
to achieve their dreams!

Give me something to wave.

[adults cheering]

Time to get mooned.

[adults cheering]

[blooping on monitors]

[all chattering, cheering]

Tabastian?

[country music playing on piano]

-What's up?
-I'm just bummed

I couldn't figure out the rocket in time.
We only tied, when we could've won.

You have no idea what you pulled off.

Our tiny startup just went toe-to-toe

against the biggest baby-love corporation
there's ever been.

With that baby in the pilot's chair.

[man on jukebox]
Welcome to Jukebox troubleshooting.

While we at Box O' Music stand
by our product,

we know problems arise.

Here are some useful...

Did you know he could dance?
Anyway, it's a win. Cheers.

-Clink your juice box.
-[all cheering]

If you are unsuccessful in all attempts,
please call the service number.

[theme music playing]

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Baby ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

♪ Y'all heard the story
But you know what the twist is? ♪

♪ Welcome to the family business
Boss Baby ♪