02x02 - Puppy Love

[bunniefuu]

-Hold all my call-- Whoa!
-[laughing]

♪ Boss Baby! ♪

♪ I'm the boss
Dial in to the meeting ♪

♪ Everybody here?
Please find your seating ♪

♪ While you teething
I'm sinking my teeth in ♪

♪ First one to show
So I can do all my greeting ♪

♪ Profits, payrolls and pacifiers ♪

♪ I make friends!
I love you, you're hired! ♪

♪ So come on
And raise your juice boxes skyward! ♪

♪ Boss babies until we retire! ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Tell 'em who this is ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ I'm a legend, mythic ♪

-♪ Boss Baby ♪
-♪ Can a baby get a witness? ♪

♪ Grab a high chair
This the family business ♪

♪ Boss Baby ♪

-I thought you were coming in at 3:00.
-I can get you that in two minutes.

-Never mind.
-I need someone who speaks baby!

-[Pip] Good news: the client's a no-show.
-How is that good news?

The bad news is I was waiting forever,

and I was kicking dirt the whole time.

So now I'm in a hole I dug with my foot.

The longer I have to wait for help,
the worse it's gonna get.

[Tina] Pip needs another dig-out!

Yes, tiny sir. Okay.
Gonna hand you off to an interpreter now.

-[baby babbling over phone]
-You can't cancel. You had an appointment.

How can the Untitled Templeton Project
help you get more baby love?

[man over phone]
Hey, small stuff. That's Daddy's pho--

-[line disconnects]
-[sighs] No go. Amal!

[Sebastien over monitor]
Guillaume! You're alive?

But we already donated all your organs!

Monitors are still picking up
Ivorian soap operas!

Did Moussa marry Divina?

-TBD. Turns out Guillaume's still alive.
-Oh! True love finds a way!

Amal, tell me Licks Worms Baby
has kicked the habit.

-Do you read?
-Dead end. A baby at the park

told her worm skin has a vitamin
that makes cartoons funnier.

Have you--?

-[Sebastien] I've lied to you, my love.
-JJ. Refill.

I am operating this boat
without a proper license!

[groans]

I'm serious! Guillaume's alive!

-And, ooh, is he angry about the kidneys!
-Please stop using my phone.

[clears throat]

[Dez] Allow me, a rolling stepstool.

Thanks, Dez.

Too la-di-da to start a fresh pot,
Your Majesties?

-It wasn't us!
-A car just pulled up out front.

-Expecting anybody?
-[gasps]

Another no-show? How can we not be landing
any client meetings? We can't-- Oh!

[woman] No, Pam, we need this store.

As ice caps melt and oceans soar,

we can't sell seashells by the seashore
if the shore's no more!

-I blocked out time for this meeting.
-She's five minutes early!

You should all be cleared out now!

-It'll take half an hour to pick--
-[whistles]

Right this way.

[Dez] The irony.

-The room's yours, Carol!
-[knocking on door]

[both] Whee!

Hi, come in. I got a strip-mall storefront
you are going to love.

Oh. Great seashell watch.

-Did we pull off the cover-up?
-Yeah, that's the good news.

Oh, no. That's the look the cafeteria lady
gave us right before announcing

they stopped serving chicken nuggets
for political reasons.

As you may have noticed,
we've been, um, clientally undernumbered

and, um, our company's money

is like that really thin pasketti
that's so good, but, um-- Teddy?

Babies don't seem to need our help.
Which is great. For them.

But if we don't get clients soon,

this company will go belly up
by the end of the month.

[all chattering]

I don't know how to fail.
Everything I do turns out great.

And this will too. Startups are tough.
But big wins feed off little failures.

All we need are ideas
for new customers. I'll start.

What if we take on,
hear me out, a puppy client?

Okay. The ice is broken. See, Tabitha?

A little humor,
and we can get through anything.

Now, real suggestions. Who's first?

Imagine, there's a stray
who likes to steal purses and wallets.

Everyone is mad even though he has
adorable floppy ears and a waggy tail?

-Why is that disturbingly specific?
-[dog barks]

-[yells]
-[barks]

[gasps] No. We deal in baby love.

-Ew.
-We've got no baby clients.

I say we train this dog to stop stealing,

find him a home, and generate so much love

our company gets a belly full of pasketti.

Before you say anything, let's call Benny.

There is money to be made
in puppy love, but not much.

I can only pay you, say,
10 cents on the dollar?

Ha! No. We don't work for table scraps.

We have no money.
One-tenth of money is still money.

-[groans] Can we get back to you?
-Probably. Who knows?

I'm not paying any attention.
Bloop goes the off button.

The puppy is our only client.
And he's a good little one.

I even named him Client.

Full name: Prince De La Cruz
Hambone Clientia.

Ew. Keep your kibble juice
off my wingtips, bone brain.

This affects the whole company.

What does everyone else think?

Maybe it is time we expand the idea

-of what it means to--
-Never puppies! Never!

[all arguing]

I know how and when
all your lives will end!

Kidding, I don't.
That was to shut your faces.

Let's flip a coin.

Tails, we take the client.
Heads, we stick with babies.

Whoa!

I've been picking stuff up
with my hands this whole time.

That's as low as I can go.

But I know this is the future home

of Chichi Chicas Resell
Pre-Shelled Seashells.

She's sold. Where do I sign?

[dog barking]

-Ah, you didn't tell me you had a puppy.
-Ah!

No one told me either.

[babbling]

Ai! Puppy, get off of my--
[speaks in Spanish]

On it.

Here, boy. Drop the watch.

What is going on?

Uh, heh.
It's a project for my daughter's school.

Yeah, how many babies
does it take to catch a dog?

Results pending.

So this is the game?

Lure me in with the deal of a lifetime
so you can steal my watch?

-No, just the deal-of-a-lifetime part.
-We'll get your watch back.

You don't sling seashells
down by the seashore for 16 seasons

without getting a nose for bad clams.
And she smells.

[Tim] I know, in the wacky world
of baby love, crazy things happen.

But you're crossing lines here.

Carol's been trying
to rent that place for months.

-From the bottom of our heart--
-Mm-mm. No sorries.

You broke it, you buy it.

That storefront costs me money
every day it sits empty.

-So your company's gonna rent it.
-What?

Dad said Mom's been trying
to rent it for months.

Is it cursed? How can you set
your own daughters up for failure?

-Does this mean you don't love us?
-Honey--

-No--
-I'll take this one.

This is the most loving thing
your parents could do.

They want our company
to learn to swim, to grow stronger,

so they're throwing us
into the deep end...

Of a swimming pool
of garbage juice and failure sharks.

Good start. I'll need the rest
by the end of the month.

Enjoy your new space.

There is no "the rest."

-That was our whole budget?
-The puppy dropped this drooly coin.

[shudders]

Oh.

We could make this work, right?

I have security concerns.

Our company requires secrecy,
but this is a busy mini-mall.

I suggest a moat filled with fire ants
and we spray all intruders with wet sugar.

Agreed on the problem,
but I have a less violent solution.

Why you do that?

-Tabitha, I need you to fail for me.
-What?

You're a future business mogul.
You need to get comfortable with risk.

And we need a front company.

-What's a front company?
-The business you run up front

when you don't want anyone to know
what's going on in the back.

Oh. So you want me to come up
with a legitimate-looking business

-that's so bad we never get customers?
-Full fiscal belly flop.

Can't do it.
I get the idea, but I am unable to fail.

-I'm too good.
-What if I team you up with Bad Idea Baby?

We fill the space with pet birds,
each louder than the next.

Ugh. If I have to learn about failing,
he's the guy to teach me.

Gather around! We have rent to make,

zero money and one client,
an adorable kleptomaniac puppy.

So let's find him,
train him to stop being a naughty thief,

and earn some puppy love.

Here, Client!

-Client!
-Here, boy!

-Oh, Client.
-Over here, Client.

[groans]

Here, puppy, puppy!
I have a yummy treat for you! [spits]

I'll need to devour the world's
biggest bar of soap when this is over.

Can we find this filthy animal
five minutes ago?

[Dez] Ahem. As many of you may know,
I am a master of disguise.

All of us definitely know that.

Wasn't trying to be sassy,
just making the record clear.

[Dez] To truly be in disguise,
you must become your disguise.

To find a dog,
we must enter the mind of a dog.

-No!
-Yes! Woof! That was my puppy self

agreeing with my "self" self.
You're outvoted. What do we do?

[Dez] Breathe in. Hold it.
You're holding the breath of a dog.

Breathe out.
You're pushing your baby selves out.

I'm already beyond humiliation,

but could we possibly find
a more businesslike solution to--?

-[barks]
-[Dez] You are now in the mind of a dog.

[barking]

[whines]

[barking]

[Dez] Here, doggies.

In dog mind, you're hyperaware
of your sense of smell.

Tina played with Client the most,
so his scent is all over her.

Smell Tina, and follow that scent.

[barking]

Yes, I have money.

I had it right in my hand when
I was petting that cute little... [gasps]

...puppy!

[Dez] Money has been swindled on this day.
A dog was here.

Will you marry me?

I wait six months
and you mock me with an empty box?

Mama was right!

-Never date a professional mover!
-What? But it was just--

[gasps] That puppy.

[Dez] We move on.

[barks]

Oh, aren't you a cute little--

That mutt ganked my cash!

Puppies!

[Dez] All right, you will now revert
to babies on my code-phrase command:

"Snap out of it. You're not dogs."

-[all sigh]
-Phew.

Ugh. My mouth tastes like dirt and--
Oh, my goodness. [gags]

[barks]

What'd you bring me?
What'd you bring old Becker? Some cash?

-[barks, then coughs]
-Hmm. Some coins. [grunts]

Oh! An engagement ring.
Good boy. Have a potato chip.

Is that--?
He's wearing the watch Client stole

from that lady Mommy was meeting.

Ooh, good boy. That's real gold.

Look at you two!
A wallet and, uh, a pickle.

[sniffs] Deli fresh.
Ooh, you're making Becker real proud.

[Dez] He trained a pack
of puppy pickpockets.

People are just gonna get madder
at these doggos.

I have no idea how to feel about that.

Flubungish. It's the emotion I made up
for when nothing else seems to fit.

Copyright Pippigrams,
a registered trademark

of Pip Intellectual Enterprises,
all Pips reserved, dot-com.

We gotta help these cuties.
They're all our clients now.

A whole pack of clients.

Ten cents on the dollar
is looking like a ton of moolah.

-[gasps]
-What, sir?

Nothing. Sorry.

Just me realizing I'm excited
about this puppy-love mission. [gags]

Oh, no.

Okay, hear me out.
Dirt Shirts. Shirts made of dirt.

Do you know how to make shirts
out of dirt? We're grasping at straws.

Grasping at Straws.
A store for scarecrows.

And bring in the Halloween rush?

No, we need something
I could never make work.

Think unflashy.

Strobe Lights Emporium.

I just said not flashy.
And remember, it has to look legitimate.

Legit Mitts. We totally sell mitts.

No one is going to believe
a store called Legit Mitts is legitimate.

Might as well call it Front Store.

Front Store. We sell the fronts of things!

-Ah?
-[groans]

I'm not gonna pet you.
Get your mind out of the gutter.

No, no, no,
he's training the puppies to steal.

No, this is not like the other hoaxes.
Because it's not a hoax. Hello?

[groans] The perfect scheme.

Too ridiculous to be believed,
ridiculous enough to work.

How do we beat Becker ourselves?

No! We don't want the store
to get any attention.

Get too much attention, we fail.

Good work, Tabitha!

We don't have an idea yet.

-But you gave me a big one.
-Are we gonna make Becker fail?

No, we're going to make him
a tremendous success.

Becker wants puppies to steal?

Let's give him
the world's greatest puppy thieves.

The cops can't cry hoax if the puppies
pull off a crime too big to ignore.

Okay, you all-expense flea cruise.
Want me to pet you?

-[barks]
-Then help us round up your pack.

Whoa. Take it easy, dog. Whoa!

Okay. Please stop.

Good boy.

Uh, I mean, uh,
you've done the bare minimum, dog.

[barks]

-[whistles]
-[barks]

Ugh. Like lint to a new black suit.
Got two so far. How's your thing?

Working on it! Giddyup, girl!
Hyah! Round up them doggies!

What the--? [yelling]

[barking]

[whimpering]

[groans] I did promise.

Sorry, I'm not there yet.

What's wrong with my hand?

Tina, the plan?

Yes! We teach them to draw a car!
The perfect crime.

We're gonna train them
to rob a money truck.

sh**ting down my ideas
makes me feel very flubungish.

Puppies pull off an armored-car heist,

every cop from crossing guards
to the U.S. Treasury hunts them down,

and that leads them right to Becker.

We can make these puppies into heroes.
Imagine the headlines.

"Exploited Puppies Bust Crooked Trainer."

"Puppies Taught Bad, Do Good."

"Top Ten Silliest Puppy Wigs.

You will not believe how much number three
looks like a human."

-All we need to do is train them.
-[Dez] Permit me, sir.

[dogs barking]

-Ooh! Becker disguise. Nice one, Dez.
-[Dez] I'm just getting started.

First, these puppies
help clean the place up.

No, we've got rent due.
Forget cleaning, just get training.

-Um, still in there?
-[Dez] Sorry, I just winked.

Let's just say this "cleanup"
has a certain "added purpose."

-I winked again.
-Because the added purpose

is that the actions in the cleanup
are going to wind up

being useful in an armored-truck robbery?

[Dez] That time I nodded.
Come on, puppies. Let's get to work.

This place is a mess.

[rock music playing]

-Place looks great.
-[Dez] And your puppies are fully trained.

-You're kidding.
-[Dez] Do I look like I'm kidding?

Wink.

-[beats playing]
-♪ Rapping to order is our game ♪

♪ We make personalized raps
Out of your friends' names ♪

♪ Rap Store ♪

-[music stops]
-Ugh. I need a lunch break.

That almost sounded like a good idea.
Want half?

-What's in it?
-Turkey, cheese and mayo.

Ugh! Mayo! So bland and unappealing.

That is kind of bland and unappealing.

[gasps] I just got an idea
that's going to be a complete failure.

Yes! We're gonna sell signs,

but only ones
that say "bland" and "unappealing."

-[beats playing]
-What? No. My idea is way better.

Or worse. Man, this is a confusing job.

Becker's waiting for his loot.
In position?

[Dez] Armored car pulling up.
Puppies are in position.

No change to the routine. Two guards.
One's opening the back.

The other is picking up the money.
Distraction time.

Send out the Vamp.

[Dez whistles]

-[seductive music playing]
-[barking]

Aw. I just wanna give that noggin
a little scritch scratch.

[whistles]

Guard 2's leaving early.
He forgot something. Activate Limper.

[Dez whistles]

[whimpering]

Oh, no. Little guy's hurt.

Nice one, Limper. Wait.
Guard 1 is all petted out.

Hey, those dogs are robbing us!

-They're not gonna get away.
-[Dez] Step on my foot.

[Dez yelling]

The loot is en route.

[dogs bark]

What is this? Did you rob an armored car?

Why'd you do that?
You can't bring this to me.

-They put tracers in these bags.
-[all bark]

No, no potato chips for this.

I trained you specifically
for petty theft only.

[siren wailing]

You're going down!
This is for the puppies!

And anyone who might benefit financially

-from proof of their innocence!
-You bit the wrong hand!

-You're under arrest!
-Oh. Thank goodness you're here.

These dogs just happened to roll a wagon
full of money into my warehouse.

Wow. Lucky break for us.

Wish we could meet a hero
like you every day.

-Mind if we take this back?
-Ugh. This was a mistake from the start.

Can't out-weasel a weasel.

[Dez] Sure, you can.
You just need backup weasels.

Dez, you brilliant
plastic human facsimile.

[rock music playing]

I didn't ask for this. I'm a hero.
I got nothing to do with them!

Is that doggie committing
wire fraud on your laptop?

[man on computer] Thank youse
for banking with Switchblade Curly's

Loan Sharking Repository.

Whoa.

What a crazy coincidence.

[Krinkle]
Their criminal master is under arrest

but these canine heroes
are sure to get off with "paw-role."

As Becker's victims reclaim their goods,

they're also taking home some puppy love.

I'm Marsha Krinkle-- For goodness' sakes,
look how cute this guy is!

Wait, I get one too?

[Benny] I mean, wow on a cow!

I've never seen
this much puppy love in one shot.

Look at it bloop. Why is this one here?

He feels he's owed something.

And I owe you two something. Ka-ching!

I'm not even gonna do
an "I hate to say I told you so" bit.

Why is the number so small?

[groans] Ten cents on the dollar.
We worked for puppies

and didn't make enough
to pay the rent on our garbage storefront.

[Tina]
Aw. He wants to help you feel better.

It's what puppies do best.

-[blooping on monitor]
-[Benny laughing]

I love noises and colors!
Nice buzzer beater, BB.

That puppy-love spike from you
is worth a primo ka-ching boost!

Oh, no. You are mistaken.
This is not puppy love.

Sure. Must be broken.

We'll go back to the amount
where you couldn't pay rent.

[barks]

Okay, fine.
I may be starting to like the guy.

Just a little.
But no more puppy-love missions.

I agree. Way too much work.
What's kitten love going for these days?

[thud]

[all hiss]

You'd have to pay me.

[monitor chimes]

[Tabitha]
You guys need to get back right now.

Ta-da!

"Mayonnaise City."

"Room-temperature mayo by the scoop"?

Ew.

We got regular mayo, dill, cinnamon,
every flavor you could never want.

Single, double or triple scoops.

Welcome to Mayonnaise City.
How "mayo" help you?

Don't worry,
she'll never have to say that,

because Mayonnaise City
will never have a single customer.

This is awful.
You've failed spectacularly.

Great job.

But the job was to fail, so "great job"
means I nailed the assignment.

So I still haven't had the lesson
in failure I so desperately needed,

and my fear of doing a bad job

is going to haunt me
for the rest of my future business life.

I need to clear my mind. Yvette.
Hit me with a double scoop of dill.

[both gag]

Mm-mm. Nope, nope.