04x01 - Isla De Chupacabra

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Hey, stan!

Going to that local team
ballgame tonight?

Afraid not, dan.

The numbers came back
from corporate,

And I have to get all these
reports stapled together

For the big meeting.

Well, I'll roll up
my sleeves,

And we'll tackle this
together, stan.

Then we'll both attend that
local sporting event.

Hey, thanks, dan!

You're a real
team player.

Put me in, coach!

[Laughing]

Hey, stan!

[Screaming]

That's for borrowing
my [bleep] stapler,

You [bleep] bag!

[Toots horn]

That concludes
the video portion

Of our teambuilding
seminar.

Any questions?

So, you're saying
don't stick staplers

In teammates' eyes?

You're still not
getting it.

If you, stormy waters,
are the weak link,

You will end up with
a stapler in your eye.

Can i... Can I just
make one point?

Is it... You're
really kind of

Sticking a staple
in their eyes, right?

What I'm saying is,

It's a difference
between the staple,

Which is
the-the-the metal thing,

And the stapler,
which is the g*n.

Maybe I'm being
too literal.

Uh, but I don't...
I mean, I don't...

This is a cartoon.

We left sealab for
the first time ever

To watch some crappy
teambuilding video?!

At least the air doesn't
taste like pee out here.

I still don't see why

We couldn't just go to
grizzlebee's or something.

Hesh has heard
good things

About that grizzlebee's
in, um, branson!

Oh! Vegas!

We should go to vegas!

I didn't even know
they had a grizzlebee's!

Shut it!
This ain't no vacation.

Now, for the main event,

I've designed an activity
to promote group thinking.

We'll be hunting
the chupacabra,

The most deadly beast
known to man.

What?!
Chupacabras!

Hesh is gonna
hunt chewbacca?!

I'm a big fan!

This is gonna be great...
To k*ll a hero!

Good god almighty!

Those things have
retractable fangs

And tank treads
for feet.

We'll be slaughtered!

As a team, debbie.

We'll be slaughtered
as a team.

What's a chupacapra
anyway?

Well, stormy,

Legend has it that
the chupacabras

Were created by
the old ones

To guard their temple
from the evil cthulhu

In a time before time.

We like to call it
pre-time or un-time,

Meaning not time.

Anyway, imagine a pie
that my future self bakes

And then sends back in time
to my pre-past self...

But I can't eat it because
the ingredients don't exist yet,

So I have to make
my own ingredients.

Here's a pie chart
with what you would need

To make your own time pie.

Stormy...

Don't make me use this.

Hold on,
I'm onto something here.

Well, we got plenty of g*ns
and plenty of liquor.

And what could possibly go...

[g*nsh*t]
damn it, man!

Holy jeez!

Virjay, you all right?

I guess the thing just...
[g*nsh*t]

Oh!
Oh, my god!

Virjay, I am so sorry.

Oh! Damn!

Oops! This thing
has a mind of its...

Oh, my god!
Cover your eyes!

Damn!

Now mine's doing it!

Crap!
That's good, stormy.

Now you and sparks
are cooperating,

Increasing the team dynamic.

Ow!
sh**t him again.

Captain shanks!

Booyah!
Oh, damn!

Smoke that b*tch!
Enough!

Virjay: someone kindly
retrieve my medical kit

From deep diver.

It's got my name on it.

No, we can't leave
the campfire.

If we do, the chupacabras
will suck out our bones.

[Clicking like a dolphin]

Oh, may krashnu
bless your fat tummy.

Yep, and they'll
suck that out, too.

Told you.

[Screaming]

Oh, chewbacca ate
dolphin boy!

Bad wookie!

People, calm down!

Get to the chopper!

That could be anybody.

Ooh!

Well, anybody that had
dolphin boy's wallet...

And a picture of him being
eaten by the chupacabras...

And a hello ducky bunny
condom?

He was hesh's
best friend!

Chupacabras!

Or he could have been...

If hesh ever talked to him.

Look...
Oh!

We got the g*ns
and liquor.

No!

I say we hunt
these b*stards now!

Aagh!

Son, I like
your team spirit,

But we best hunt
by daylight.

Now, y'all want to watch
bloody, blood, blood

Or screamy scareface?

Let's see how
those blood-sucking
b*stards like this.

Yeah!

Stormy!

Did you just throw
b*ll*ts in the fire?!

It'll be like
a ring of steel!

Yeah!

A ring of what?

We gotta get
out of here!

Yeah!

If we leave the fire,
we're dead.

But if we stay here,
we're de...

Damn it.

Right.

[g*nshots]
run away!

[Screaming]

Ring of steel!

Ring of steel
at 6:00!

Oh!

Oh! Damn!
Chupacabra!

Run back
the other way!

Breakdown!
Breakdown!

Chupacabra!
Protect your face!

Oh, no, wait!
Forgot about the b*ll*ts!

Run away!
Duck!

Maybe the b*ll*ts will
hit the chupacabras.

Oh, damn, chupacabras!
Come back!

[Screaming]

Hey, wait, wait!

Quinn, carry me.
You're fast.

If we keep going that way,
we're going to get shot.

And if we go back that way,
the chupacabras will get us.

Hesh gets it!
Hesh'll stay right he...

Ok.

If we stay right here,
we'll be fine.

Quinn, I can't
take it.

You gotta get us
out of here!

No, this is too much
even for the stalwart heroes

Of the united states
coast guard.

This is a job for
the legendary society of men!

From the 4 corners
of the globe...

Der kapitan,

Monster hesh,

Quetzalcoatl,

Frenchman,

And huck finn fight tyranny as

The legendary society of men!

[Alarm sounding]

achtung! Achtung!
Das notzinger.

What in tarnation
is you saying?

notzinger!

I can't
understand yous.

vas?

[Imitating
speaking french]

ich spreche deutsch.

oh, sacrebleu!

eh, voici. Ah! Ragallardir.
Zut alors!

[Continuing imitating
speaking french]

I understand yous
less than him!

Feel like a turnip
at a carrot party.

das ist
eine kleine keit.

ja tu, quetzalcoatl!

nuw etoch!

Are them words?

das notzinger!

Quetzalcoatl!

Huh?
Quetzalcoatl!

vas?
quetzalcoatl!

Wait a minute.

Galunga, galunga!

What are you saying,
you feral savage?
What is it?

Where is this
fred savage?

Quetzalcoatl!

Galunga! Galunga!

sieg heil,
fred savage!

[Screaming]

fred savage.

sieg heil!

fred savage!

Galunga, hesh galunga!

[Laughing]

ja, mein liebchen.

Agh!

[Yelling]

There is no such thing

As the legendary
society of men.

Just like there's
no chupacabras, I guess.

Quinn, you're
inhibiting team trust.

Shut up!

We'll just wait here
until the fire goes out,

Then we'll run back
to deep diver.

Well, we do seem
to be safe here.

Oh!
Virjay!

I was once a man!

Oh, yeah...
Happy funtime island

Is also home to the world's
largest population

Of tree cobras.

Happy funtime?!

Who the hell named
this island?

Rambo.

It is my fervent wish

That you all blow out your
collective flip-flops

And step on pop-tops.
[Grunts]

Oh, my god, look!

Somebody do something!

Aagh!

Oh, fling virjay's
corpse out there!

That ain't christian.

Well, neither was virjay.

[Laughter]

[Screaming]

Ok, ok, now...
We need to start a fire.

My name was larry.

Ohh!

Another fire to keep
the chupacabras

And the cobras away.

If we light ourselves
on fire,

We could go anywhere!

Stormy, wait!

Aagh!

It burns! It burns!

Oh, my god... Ow!

Burning! Burning!

Did he still have some
b*ll*ts in his pockets?

I don't think so.

[g*nf*re]
aagh!

Right.

Run away!

To where?

Sss! I'm just kidding.

I've always been a snake.

Uh, nice talking
to you, larry.

Beam us out of here.

What the hell
just happened?!

Transporter watch.

Did you not hear me talking
to larry the snake man?

You mean you could have
gotten us out of there

At any time?
What the hell?!

Well, now, debbie,
teambuilding is tricky.

Here's a powerpoint
presentation.

Consider the example of

A financial services
organization

Selling pensions.

Water! Water!

Burning! Burning!

[Coughing]

Ahh...

Ow! Ow!

They're pinching me!
They're pinching!

Stop! Ooh! Oh!

Oh, my god... Help!

Man! This is
one tough island.

Captioning made possible by
turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national
captioning institute
www.ncicap.org...

Get to the chopper!

Get to the chopper!

Get to the chopper!

I am totally governor
of california!

Hey, pat,

You going to that local team
sporting event tonight?

Well, matt,
I was going to go,

But I'm not exactly sure
who to root for.

[Laughing]

Pat, I have bark cancer.

Oh, my god!

And I want you
to have this.

Oh, that's so sweet.

I know how much
you love dead babies.

Just take it, pat.

I'm full...
Of dead babies.

[Laughing]

How long have you
got to live?

Well,
the tree doctor says

It will probably be
about 100 years

Because I don't really
have bark cancer!

Oh, you totally
got me! Aah!

Kazing!

Take this!
Oh!