03x06 - Frozen Dinner

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab at the bottom
of the sea ♪

Wakka, wakka, wakka.

Oh, you want some more?
No. No. Wait!

You want some
more of this?

Where's the unicorn?

Uhuhuh,
check this out right here.

Bonus pretzel.

Aw, man, I hate
this game.

Somebody, please help me.

What? That's
ice station zebra.

Yeah, we ran out of food
a month ago, and my partner,

He's gonna eat me.

What?

Hey, what's, uh,
what's going on here?

Nothing.
Nothing's going on.

This is sealab.
What's your status?

He's trying to
oh! Ugh!

We're fine.
We're just fine.

He's just wigging out.

Ha ha! Aren't you, guy?

Ugh!

Seasonal affective
disorder.

Well, sounds like he needs
medical attention.

We're gonna come
check it out.

No! I mean, there's no...

There's really no need
for something like that
to happen, right?

Yes, there is.
Ugh!

Ok, we're on our way.
Come on, stormy.

Seriously, guys,
we're fine here.

[Groaning]

Hello.

Well,
now you've done it.

Bothering these people

With your crazy lying
lies about cannibalism.

[Whimpering]

You get in your pot.

Ok, everybody squared away?

Yes.
Yeah, dude.

Ok.

Come on.
Let's go.

Ok.

Aww, come on,
already.

Ok.

Quinn!

Bow planes up


Aye aye, dude.

[Man speaking german]

Who is this?

Oh, he came with
the sub. He's cool.

Does anybody here
speak german?

Not you.

Not you.

Hey!

What the... Stop that!

mein kapitan...

Stormy,
you know german?

Yeah, I'm, like,
totally fluent.

Hey!

We got a rescue mission
to do here, people.

Now, take us to
the damn surface.

Shut up!

Shut up and get
in that pot.

Wait. They're gonna
be here with food
in a few minutes.

I know they're gonna be
here in a few minutes.

I can't wait that long,
ok?

You've already waited
a month.

Yes, so obviously I don't
care to wait any longer, ok?

You can't just
eat me like this.

Uhhuh, yeah, I know.

That's why we got
the boiling water.

Frikkin' gantz.

Wait, wait, wait, wait,
let me get this straight.

You're saying this guy
came with the sub.

Just give him
some schnapps.

Hello.
What's up, dude?

Hey, guy, what's up?

Hey, you guys got
any spices down there?

You know,
herbes de provence, jerk rub...

What for?
He's cooking me.

For him.
He means for him.

No, no, I don't.

He's a nut.
Well, you seem busy.

Ok, 10 meters,


We should be surfacing
just about...

[All shouting at once]

Oh! Oh! Oh!
What the hell was that?

The hand of god
is punishing you.

Yeah, the hand of god.
There is no god.

Ow! My eye.

We hit something.

The periscope
poked me in the eye.

Shut up!

Stormy, damage
report.

I'm fine.

The sub, you idiot.
What?

The propulsion drive
is damaged.

Dammit! What are we
gonna do now?

Sweet god, we're seaborne.

I don't know how this
could be any worse.

Oh, shut up.
Seriously, todd.

Name one thing
worse than this.

[Both screaming]

Ugh!

Todd: yeah, thanks,
hand of god.

I'm telling you,
there's nothing wrong out here.

Oh, is this part supposed
to be smashed like this?

What do you think we hit?

Uh, I'm gonna go
with iceberg.

Oh, well, I don't know what
that means, but thank you.

'Scuse me.

Wow, german is beautiful.

Hey, thought.
Maybe you can try

To get in her pants
a little later.

Quinn!

What is your problem?

This stupid rescue!
It's hopeless.

It's not hopeless.

Once stormy fixes
the propulsion drive...

Stormy couldn't
fix a sandwich.

Ok, that's fixed.

Now for a mouthwatering
dagwood.

Get in the pot
so I can stun you.

No! How... How are you even
gonna explain this?

When they find your
guts strung up in here
like christmas lights.

What?

Wait, wait,
did you say...

Look, that
doesn't matter.

I'm gonna eat
the sealab people,
too, man.

You're mad.

Yeah. There's
a difference.

Stormy,
get us a coordinate,

Or we'll be driving around
for 100 years.

Yeah, thanks to
my kickass welding.

[Burp]

No, I'm stuffed,
but you can't have it.

Hey, you want a dagwood,

You go float around
in subfreezing water

And somehow
miraculously
make your own.

Yeah, how'd you do that,
anyway?

I don't know.
I blacked out.

Yeah, yeah,
fahrvergnugen.

What?

Hey, ice station
dudes, come in.

Hey, guy,
how's it going?

Zebra, we need
your location.

Oh, we're floating around
upside down here somewhere and...

Why the hell are you
floating around?

Yeah, that.
Get me outta here.

Hey, look,
when you guys get here,

Send some fat guys
in first, ok? Someone...

Look out! He's gonna eat you.
What?

Pacman is what he's doing.

Yeah. Ha ha! Listen to him.
He's playing pacman back there.

And, uh...
Send the fat guys.

They got pacman?

Sweet.
I got ups.

This won't hurt.
Yes, it will, todd.

All right, just
the initial blow,
yes, it will.

I won't lie to you.
It's gonna hurt like you
won't frikkin' believe.

Todd!

Look, then you'll be
in shock, and it'll
be great.

[Creaking]

Wait. Wait.
Did you hear that?

What the hell's
wrong with this
thing?

What are you doing wrong?

Nothing. Wait.
What are you doing?

I'm helping steer
from back here.

Guys, listen.
Well, what the
hell's this do?

Who am i, cornelius drebbel,
inventor of the submarine?

Guys, shut up.
Cornelius drebbel!

Hey!
Jesus!

Stop it!

Hey, wait!
Stop it!

Ow! Oww!

Stop it!

[b*llet ricochets]

You idiot.

That... That was
their submarine.

They can find us
with the sonar,

And then you'll have
all the food you want.

Yeah. We'll lure 'em in
one by one.

Hey, man, I am sorry
about trying to eat you.

And I forgive you like crazy.
Now, keep pounding.

Pound for all you're worth.

Let's just
have fun with it.

Sounds like someone's
pounding on a metal hull.

That's s.o.s.

What the... Stop that!

Stop it!

There it is again.
And look, look!

That's ice station zebra.

Again,
ups on pacman!

Shut up, and get them
on the two-way.

Come in, zebra.
Wakka, wakka, wakka.

Hey, hey, buddy.

We're right outside,
dude,

And I got a bag
of quarters.

For... For what?

Wakka, wakka, wakka!

Yeah, that. Hey.

Zebra.

Here's the plan.

Stormy's gonna drill
a hole in your hull.

Wakka, wakka, wakka!

That's gonna
equalize the pressure

So we can begin
the extraction.

See you in a minute, zebra.

Yeah. Hey
godspeed.

Wait. Do you guys have
a bone saw?

Stormy, get out there.
And debbie

[Laughing]
ok.

Debbie!

What?!

Wh... Whoa! Whoa!

Don't what me,
woman.

And you, get
your greasy
hands off her.

Debbie!

Get the wetsuits
ready!

Ok! God!
Flip out a little.

I am absolutely
riddled with pacman fever.

All right, now, when
he gets in here,

Just be cool.
Just act natural.
Natural how?

Natural like we're not
gonna bash him in the face

And skin all the meat
off his bones.

Why don't we just
go with those people

And eat regular food
and not those people?

Oh, god, you still
do not get it, do you?

What do you mean,
there are none?

Without wetsuits,
we can't rescue
them.

They'll freeze
to death.

Why the hell
didn't you
pack them?!

Wakka, wakka,
wakka, wakka.

My god, your hands
are freezing, man.

How'd you like
a hot bath, there,
buddy?

Um, ok, that'll
give me a chance

To wash the potatoes
and onions and carrots
I brought for you guys.

Hey, aren't you
made of meat?

I mean, thoughtful.

Yes, it's terrible.

And yes, I suppose I should
have packed extra wetsuits

Instead of this dress.

Thank you.
But what's done is done.

You've just gotta
tell them the truth.

What, that they're
going to die?

Shut up.

Stop that!

I presume he's not angry,
he's just hungry.

Zebra, this is
ice bucket. Come in.

Hey, guy.

Y'all, uh,
have any tortillas
like, 8 feet in diameter?

No, but...
Fajitas!

Where's stormy?

Oh, didn't you see?

He went back to
where, uh,

You know, you are.

Ok, listen,
I've got bad news.

Hey, don't sweat
the tortillas, man.

That was
a pipe dream.

No, we don't have
any more wetsuits.

So what I'm saying is you...
Both of you

Are going to starve
to death.

[Both laughing]

I seriously doubt that.
But whatever.

I'm sorry.

But while you wait
for death, could we...

I don't know,
play some music for you?

Yeah. Some dinner music
would be great.

Dinner music?

You're a kook.

[Piano playing]

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.

♪ It's a long way
to tipperary ♪

♪ It's a long way to go ♪

♪ It's a long way to tipperary ♪

♪ To the sweetest girl I know ♪

♪ Goodbye, piccadilly ♪

♪ Farewell, leicester square ♪

♪ It's a long,
long way to tipperary ♪

♪ But my heart's right there ♪

[Muttering in german]