03x05 - I, Robot, Really

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Where did you...

H-how did you
get these photos?

Well, that's not
important, doctor.

Keeping me quiet is,
and you know my price.

But I told you,
I can't do that.

Well, then debbie
gets an eyeful of these.

[Sigh]

Ok.

I'll do it.

Sweet.

But my a*s is getting
tore back first.

I don't know.

Why don't you ask carol?

What is the deal
with carol? What?

Cheese.

Give cheese.

Beg your pardon?

I think he wants
some cheese.

Cheese.

Oh, my god!
icaramba!

Stormy:
holy bejesus!

He's a hollowhead monster

With a mouse
driving him via tiny,
mouse-sized controls!

A mouse? Where
his brain should be?

Please,
give me some cheese!

Well, if he's got a mouse
where his brain was,

Where is his brain?

Man, I'm gonna lose
my scientist license.

Hank: hey,
just lube me up
and step aside.

Sir, please.
This has gone too far.

What's gone too far
is you

With chubby carol
the intern,

And unless
you want debbie
to see those photos...

Ok, ok!

Then shut up
and give me
my new hands.

Yeah on the hands.

Now, if I'm gonna do this,
I'm gonna do it right.

Zzzoom.

I know you
want a chain saw,

But I also have
the cryogenically
preserved hands

Of franz joseph haydn.

Yeah? Ok.

Then give
me one of each.

One chain saw and
one frozen haydn hand

That, legally,
I shouldn't have?

The barbeaubot
has spoken.

Thank you.
This is excellent cheese.

I bet quinn's behind this.

He has been
acting weird lately.

You know who's weird
is chubby carol.

Aw,
carol's sweet.

[Laughter]

What? What?

Seriously, I can't
thank you enough
for this cheese.

It's... It's...
It's phenomenal.

Can you wiggle
your fingers for me?

Uh, yeah. Hang on.

[Chain saw buzzes]

Oh, my god!

Haydn's frozen hand!

Give me the other
chain saw, stupid.

Who the hell
you calling stupid?

Oh, naked pictures.

Ok, ok, ok.

Of you and
chubby little carol.

She's not chubby.

You like them chubby.

Quinn, what's going on
with... Aah!

Hiya, debbie.

[Speaking spanish]

Holy bejesus!
He's a... What is he?

He's a robot.

Uh-uh!

Ugh. Barbeaubot.

Yes, sir.

That I built
and then put his brain in.

To dispense...

Nah-nah
full of justice.

What?
What of justice?

"D" cups...

Full of justice...

Sweet.

Hey, that's
my battle cry...

Sweet!

For when I
go into battle.

Quinn, have you
lost your mind?

I've lost
all kinds of stuff.

Hey, I want
some "d" cups
full of justice.

There can be
only one barbeaubot.

How the hell
did you pay
for this?

We, uh, had
some private funding.

Sparks:
coming down. Easy now.

Easy. We're there.

Oh, my god!

Behold.

Sparkamus prime
is complete.

Sparks, you paid
for this?

Not sparks.

I am sparkamus prime...

A bold leader
for a brave new world.

No.

We're the barbeaubot.

Uh, sparkamus prime.

Quinn, why did
you do this?

Mistakes were made!

Mistakes?
Ok?

Dude, that one guy's
a chickbot

With a cr*pple
on his neck,

And then that
other dude's brain
is scooped out,

And there's a mouse
in there

Driving
his body around.

Beep.

What the... Quinn,

You said my human body
would be tastefully preserved.

Well, I had to do
something with it.

And so far, I'm
a smashing success.

This is a crime
against nature.

A crime?

Let us
dispense justice.

Debbie: no. You...
You are the crime.

Sparkamus prime,
enter the fray.

No, damn it!

We're the barbeaubot.

Stormy: hey, quinn.
I'm ready for
my robot body.

Quinn:
stormy, you idiot!
You can't just...

[Gibberish]

Saw your own skull open.

Marco, do something!

Like what?

It's all
I can do not to wet
my freaking pants.

Yeah! Me, too.

Quinn, put them back
like they were.

Hey, hang on.
I should have a say in this.

Even if they let me
change them back...

Which we won't.

Sparkamus prime
will not allow it.

For the last time,
it's barbeaubot.

Even if they'd let me
change them back,

I'm too damn drunk
to do it.

Ok, ok.
Here's the plan.

Debbie, on
the self-destruct
system.

We'll move
this train wreck
from deep diver.

I will not allow it.

Sparkamus prime, attack!

Go! Come on!
Chain saws! Yes!

No. Not until you say
we're a barbeaubot.

Sparkamus prime!

Debbie, come on.
Let's nuke 'em.

Ok, quinn, let's go.

No! I'll stay here and die
with my vile creations.

I deserve it!

Well, I haven't
done anything wrong.

I'm just a pawn
in all this.

Ok. Mouse head
comes with us...

Shotgun.

And everything else
gets fried.

Yes. Destroy us.

It's the only way.

We'll need cheese
for the voyage...

Mostly parmesans
and, uh, romanos.

Debbie: I won't leave
without quinn.

Hard cheeses
for a hard journey.

Marco: well, I
won't stay here

With these freaks
of nature and science.

Hey, you shut up
with your mouth.

I'm a freak science
nature, too.

What?

Don't you remember?

Way back. Big speech
about how I put my brain

In a robot body.

Ripped open my chest.

Had a little tv in there.

Oh, yeah,
I remember that.

That would explain
some things.

Like my hydraulic p*nis,
which is huge!

Yeah. Guess so. Hmm.

Hey, whoa.
I want a hydraulic p*nis.

I want one
first.

I'm not handing out
hydraulic penises.

It's unethical.

Unethical?
What about mouse brain?

Ok. That was
pretty unethical, too,

But I was trying
to see if...

To see if what?

Well, if I could
scoop out somebody's brain

And replace it
with the mouse

Who could control your body
with little tiny mouse controls.

And I'm almost
living proof he could.

And what about
those idiots
over there?

Behold.
The fortress of solitude.

Quinn: look!

All this crap

And the mistake
that led to it...

They all seemed
like good ideas
at the time.

Chubby carol
could vouch for that.

What is the deal
with carol?

Silence, mortals!

Sparkamus prime demands
a hydraulic p*nis!

You...

Wouldn't even have
the strength

To control
the hydraulic p*nis

Because it's big!

Plus, I don't want it
touching my back.

Shut up,
gear head.

Want to try and make me?

I will when
I get my robot body.

Nobody's getting
a robot body.

Maybe chubby carol
can give me one.

She's not chubby!

What the [beep]
is up with carol?!

Ask quinn.

Robot bodies
for everybody.

Well, marco can't
have chain saw hands.

I don't want crappy
chain saw hands.

They'd help you eat
those sour grapes.

Well, if marco gets one,
I get one.

No. This is just for guys.

How is it for guys

When you have
mammoth gonzo boobs?

These are
my crime-fighting jugs.

Quinn,
can you give me
two penises?

Then I want
two vaginas.

I like myself
just as I am.

Yeah, let's go
before I sober up.

Hey, why are you
so drunk?

Because
I'm being blackmailed

Because of one dumb mistake
that wasn't even worth it,

And it all ended
with a bunch of crying

And hugging and crap

Until somebody finally
got talked into a hand roll,

Which I could have done
better by myself!

I want to be
a robot alligator.

Somebody scoop stormy up,

And I'll fix him
while we're at it.

Marco: how?

His brain
is sitting
on the floor.

Rinse it off.

Quinn: that should
just about do it.

Try it now.

[Growling]

There.
You're all set.

I don't see two penises
down there.

You said make you
a gatorbot.

Two gator willies
were implied.

[Roar]

All 'cause
you're weak.

What the hell is this?

For melting
these delicious cheeses.

And what's up
with my boobs?

Only I can have
"d" cups, woman.

Well, then,
this is kind of lame.

Lame? I don't
even have a pepino.

If you knew...

[Slurred,
unintelligible]

Ugh!

Hank: whoa,
that's disgusting.

Stormy, on speaker:
quinn, this is unacceptable.

Debbie: it's freaking nasty
is what it is.

Quinn: an hour ago,
you were dead!

You should be thankful
I saved your life.

[Coughing]

I think I'd rather be dead.

I'll do it.

Sparks:
don't. That crap
will fly everywhere.

Good call.

These robot bodies suck.

Someone,
please k*ll me.

I want my regular
body back.

Ha ha! Ha!

You can't have
them back.

In fact,
the new owners have
already moved in.

Go, mouse-tran!

Eek.

Quinn:
as [bleep]-faced
as I am,

I was
able to improve
on the prototype

Made from
captain murphy's
old body.

Hey, I want one
of those.

Yeah. Be still.

Sweet. Ha ha!

Just like normal.

Well,
I'm not normal.

No! You're all
disgusting freaks!

Well, what the hell
are we supposed to do now?

Uh, may I make
a suggestion?

The barbeaubot recognizes
the gentleman

In my former body.

I think you should
all go away.

Yes, to start
a new civilization.

A brave new world
with a bold
new leader...

Sparkamus prime!

A place by freakbots
for freakbots.

Where freakbots
roam freaky.

Freakbots,
away!

Ok. See you later.

It's been real.

hasta la vista,
baby!

Man, I'm glad
that's over.

In a way,
I think we all are.

Here.

Hey, thanks,
little mousy.

Hey, what happened?

I had a weird dream
you took our brains out.

It's just the flu shots
I gave you, remember?

[Slurred]

Anything you say,
quinn.

I've got a weird craving
for cheese.

You shut up!

Announcer:
in 2021, the freakbots
were sent to prison

For a crime they didn't commit.

Then they escaped.

Today, they survive
as soldiers of fortune.

If you a have a problem,
if no one else can help,

And if you can find them,

Maybe you can hire...

[g*nf*re]

The freakbots.

Uhh!

That's what
she looks like
going down the road.

Yeah.
This is a sweet
frigging van.

Them b*llet holes
are for speed.

Announcer:
next week's episode:

search for jumper cables.