02x09 - Brainswitch

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath
the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Looks like a liquid
mercury switch,

But I can't move...

Come on.
Let me do it.

Hush. Now, the liquid
mercury content...

Let me do it...

Have to be at precise
equilibrium or else...

Come on. Let me...
Let me... Let me do it!

Stormy, you are
not qualified.

I am! I am! I am!

I know from
the training video.

Come on. Let me do it.

What training video?

action abe:
b*mb squad rabbi.

Yeah. Yeah.
Right after work.

It's at the cleaners.

Look... Mom... Mom,
I can't talk right now.

[Beep]

That was a movie,
you idiot!

No, dude,
I dreamed it.

You just said it was
a training video!

I wonder if I'm dreaming this.

Ow!

Man, I hate being
your apprentice!

You're not
my apprentice.

Nobody else
will work with you.

I'm fixing it,
smart a*s.

[Boom]

Then you fix it,
smart a*s.

[Boom]

[Dolphin calling]

[Boom]

Ha ha ha.

"This is my dolphin,
smart a*s!"

Ha ha. Let me do it.

Stop it! It might be
booby-trapped.

[Laughing]

You said "booby!"

Shut up!
Dude, let me do it!

Don't...

[Beeping]

You idiot!

[Laughing]

What the hell
is so funny?

You said "booby!"

[Boom]

Booby! Booby!
Booby... Booby...

Murphy: yeah,

My character is
the cleric regnor.

I got a shillelagh

For busting heads
and, uh...

Yeah, like that.

I'm only fourth
level now,

But once I learn
some more spells,

Then, heh heh...
Sparks?

What?

Then I'll be
fifth level.

Computer: senior officers
to the medlab.

Regnor away!

[Moans]

¡ay, mi madre!
how is he,
doc?

Difficult, difficult case.

In the year 2021,
the brain is still a mystery.

Booby?

But it doesn't look good.

Hey, hey!
This stuff here...

Is that mostly swelling
or just afro?

Sir, please...

'Cause it's soft.

Stop doing that.

Shut up.

Oh, my god!
Oh, quinn!

No, no, no!

Booby?

They're right
here, baby.

He said booby.

This is all your fault,
you idiot!

Easy, debbie.
He's been through hell.

Now, what happened,
you idiot?

It had mercury
stuff,

And it wasn't at
precise equilibrium.

Equilibrium?
It means "horses."

Sounds like
a quinn word.

Oh! He's brain damaged!

Booby?

Yet I feel a great
deal smarter.

Hey, how could quinn
get brain damage

And stormy suddenly
turn smart?

Who knows? The brain,

Though composed
mainly of cholesterol,

Polyunsaturated fats,
and water,

Remains a wrinkled mystery
shrouded in fatty secrets.

Don't you know
anything?

Well, I know what
the brain is made of.

[Whispers]
stupid b*tch.

Wow.
I didn't know that.

I knew that!

Wait. How did I
know that?

Well, it's obviously
brainswitch.

Brainswitch?

Wait a minute.

There's no such thing
as brainswitch.

No? Yeah, there is,

And basically,
that's the whole premise

Of "knights of necropolis."

Ah, my clan!

Doctor, please,
what's going on?

Does it even matter
what I say?

bueno, yeah.
Then it's settled.

Due to brainswitch,
stormy,

You're the new
science officer.

Yes!

And quinn?

Booby.

Oh, my god!
He's getting worse!

Hurry, science
officer stormy.

Get the game
on there.

Shh! I need silence

To mind-meld
with the internet.

Am I doing it?

I don't think so.

Ok, um... Ok.
You close your eyes.

Ok.

Stormy?

Good lord.
He can teleport!

Doctor,
don't sugarcoat it.

Well, he has regressed
from "booby" to "ooby"

To now, simply, "oob."

But will he
still be able to,

You know, do it?

Oh, ah, yes.

In fact, the head trauma

Has left him with
a massive priapism.

A what?

[Whispering]
p*nis.

Quinn!
I'll never leave you!

I smell
a coma wedding!

Hooray!

Well, they are.

Well, keep 'em closed,

'Cause when I teleport back in,
there's a... A blinding flash!

Fire it up.
I'm all braced.

[Door opens]

[Footsteps approaching]

Boom!

Holy crap.
That's awesome.

I'll show this b*tch
who's boss.

[Drilling]

No, just keep him sedated
and well-sponged

And keep an eye
on that priapism.

Oh, I will.

What if we jam it all back in
and see if that works?

Good idea.

Don't know how you
come up with them.

Well, no,
you wouldn't.

Bet quinn misses that
big-a*s brain of his.

Ah, he's all right.

Debbie's got people
reading to him.

And you understand
the prenuptial agreement

Granting my client, ms. Dupree,
full power of attorney?

Oob?

Ok.

Come on.
What's taking so long?

It's just...
[Marco sniffling]

You look
so beautiful.

I know, right?

My father would
be so proud.

Make sure that... Wait, what?

This was...
His dress!

[Sizzling]

Wait. Do that again.

[Sizzling]

Nope. Nothing.

My smart stik's
not working.

Hey, let's make
smoothies!

For science!

No, no, no, no, no.

This all goes.

I'm thinking more martha stewart
meets east village

And with kind of
pan-asian undertones.

It's like you've
stolen my mind

And you're
looking at it.

And get rid
of that damn cat.

Hey, give me
some more champagne.

Yeah, hey-h*,
what's the dilly-o?

'Cause we're kicking
it, boo!

Hush, now!

Fo' shizzle, dizzle!

Shh! There's somebody
out there.

What, are you ashamed
to be seen with me?

A little bit.

Why isn't it doing it?

Look, you'd have
to go to harvard

For, like, a million years
to understand any of this.

They teach
karate there?

Hyah!

Ooh!

I don't know.

And you're
paying for this how?

'Cause I'm not cheap.

I don't know if you thought
because of my shirt...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Quinn's paying.

He's got this kind
of money?

Are you kidding?
All those patents?

Ha! Oh, remind me to call
the patent office.

You're a complete
dirty wh*re.

No, wait. Does this
look like smoothie?

Get out of the damn way!

Yeah! Fritters!

I no can stand to see
you like this, quinn.

¡vaya con dios, amigo!

What are you doing?

Oh, hi!
I... I... I was... Hi.

I... Hi.

[Flatline]

I was... Just trying,
you know,

To get this, uh,
pillow off his face.

[Ekg beeps]

There we go.
That's got it.

Mm-hmm.

Just take the damn
screwdriver!

Quit shoving it!

Ok, action abe. Here.

I said, flathead.

You said, phillips!

I'm just saying
it's suspicious

That a black man gets
blown up by a white man

And that same white man
gets promoted for it.

Huh!

God, you're beautiful
when you're militant.

Child, you better
get your foot off me.

Hey, look,
we got to send it...

I can figure this out!

I... I can't feel
my legs, man!

Ok, go get help,
django.

[Django chattering]

Hey, what the hell
did you do to his head?

Just some, uh,
scientific stuff.

Are those fuses?

I don't know.

Oh, man. My head.

Oh! Damn it!

Where is everybody?

And why the hell am I
wearing a wedding ring?

Hello? Ow! Hello? Ow!

And do you, debra...

Yes, let's go.

Can we really do this
without the groom?

Maritime law,
padre.

Let's go.

mazel tov.

Come on.

[Captain laughing]

Not if he's
surrounded by bananas.

I mean, look at him.
He's in heaven.

No, look, he's doing it.
He's going for help!

No, he's not.
He's not getting help.

Django, put that down.

I told you he'd find it.

Anybody know what the
hell's going on around...

Oh, my god! Django!

Hey, quinn!

Django, what happened
to your head?

And what are you
reading?

He ain't reading.

What did you do
to my monkey?!

[Captain chuckles]

Well, now,
technically that monkey

Belongs to
the science officer.

Which is me, punk.

Punk? Boy, get your
a*s out that box!

Now, django!

Ohh!

Django,
how could you?

Ow!

Don't you worry, quinn.

We've got
a nice new job for you.

Quinny doctor,
good doctor. Very smart.

Very smart. The stun g*n hurts.
Stun g*n hurts quinny.

Quinny monkey bad.
That monkey...

That's right.
Roll 'em up, b*tch.

[Quinn growling]

Ah, ah, ah.

Quinn good. Quinn good.

♪ Rolly rolly
roll, roll, roll ♪

♪ Quinn, silverware roll ♪

♪ Knifey knifey,
fork fork ♪

♪ Booby, booby, spoon,
spoonie, spoon ♪

Well, you were right, doc.

Yes, with
the proper stimuli,

Even a genius
like dr. Quinn

Can be driven
insane,

And I remain
the only doctor left.

Science is cool.

Once we even put
a mental patient in charge

Of an underwater research...

Ooh!

Subject 934,

Do not compromise
the experiment!

Hey, hey.
Shark in lab coat.

Haven't seen that
a million times.

I think it works.

Yeah, 'cause
you wrote it.

[Django chattering]

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.

Come on, regnor!

No, no! Shillelagh!
Shillelagh!

Lightning bolt.

No! No, no, no!

Lightning bolt!
Lighting bolt!

Regnor? Regnor?

Man, this 2hot4u
is good.

I think it works.

[Imitating telegraph]

"Hello.
Telegraph office."

"Joke coming."

[Imitating telegraph]

Man, shut up.
You shut up.

You suck.

Beep, beep.