02x05 - Legend of Baggy Pants

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab, at the bottom
of the sea ♪

Murphy: head down.
Arms straight...

Beat the crap
out of it.

Shut up.

Golf blows.

Hesh wants to go
to the 19th hole.

Shut up.

Hesh wants
jalapeño poppers.

Shut up.

Fore!
[Ball bounces]

[Glass breaks]

Ha! Another slice.

Right
in the reactor core.

I don't know
what's wrong.

I'm hitting it as hard as I can.
Gimme another ball.

That was
the last one.

What? I had a whole
big sack of ba*ls.

Hesh wants poppers!

Yeah,
hesh can shut up.

All right. Get in there.

Danger. Danger.
Not safe inside.

Hesh fears for life.

No ball, no tip.

I swear to god,
I'll stiff you, son.

Wah.

[Zapping]

[Roars]

Well, thanks for nothing.
I can't play with that.

I'm going to the pro shop.
Need anything?

[Unintelligible]

Suit yourself.

[Unintelligible]

Get a sleeve of
sweet new ba*ls,

Get my spikes sharpened.

Hey, maybe some new
club covers.

Oh, some alf ones.

Let's see here.

That goes down there,
down that other way.

And I was just
in that one. Aw, crap!

Which one was I just...
Argh!

Hey, frank lloyd wrong.
Nice design, idiot.

Can't find anything
in this dump.

That reminds me.
I friggin' hate pod 6.

Good morning, sir.

Hey, which way's
the pro shop?

The what?

Pro shop? Pro shop,
pro shop, pro shop?

Pro shop?

Heh. We don't have
a pro shop, sir.

Who knows better?
Me or a know-nothing like you

Who knows nothing?

What's your name,
smart guy?

Evans, sir. Pod 6.

Well, pod 6 is just
one big party, huh?

Big fat fun.
Listen up, eggers.

Uh, evans.

You're not paid to stand around
and beat your gums all day.

Yes, sir.

So wipe all the stupid
off your pod 6 gob

And get back to work.

I was just...

Or would you rather
go on report?

No, sir.

Because one single more
word outta you,

And you're on report.
Is that clear?

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

That's it.
You're on report.

I was just...

Now, what was
your name again?

Eggers.

Well, have fun
on report, eggers,

'Cause that's right
where you are.

"We don't have a pro shop.

"I'm eggers the jerk. I like to
eat worms and dance around.

"Look at me, eating worms
and dancing around,

With worms coming out of
my mouth." Hmm. Ha ha ha.

I swear to god, one day soon,

I'm going to burn
this whole place down.

Ha ha ha! See that, eggers?
No pro shop, my a*s.

Who knew, eggers? Murphy knew.
Ha! Pod 6. Heh heh heh.

I hate pod 6. I don't even know
why we have a pod 6.

Total suck pod.

What? Pod 6 doesn't need a pro
shop. They need a dentist.

I'll visit
your new location in hell,

And when you get there
in a jillion little pieces,

Tell 'em murphy's the one
who sent ya! To hell!

What's a... Hey.
Hey, get back here! Eggers.

Eggers, I command you
to stop running...

So fast...
Away from me. Eggers.

Eggers, i...

I'm getting a stitch.
[Pants]

Phew. Ow. Bad stitch.
Deep breath, murph. Whew!

Ok. Jeez, am I out of shape.

Ok. No pudding for a month.

Eh, make that a week.

Damn call box,
that's what we need down here.

Ham radio. Something.
Or a telepho...

Telephone.

I'll call the bridge
and have those jerks

Send some other jerks
to come get me.

[Dial tone]

Ok.

What's that damn phone number?

Holy crap, this place sucks.

[Telephone rings]

Yah! Oh.

Whoever is on this phone,
get off of it,

Because I need this line clear.

[Dial tone]

Also, what's the extension
for the bridge?

Hello?

Jerk. Is there an extension?

[Beep beep beep]

[Busy signal]

Aw, jeez, come on already.
Gimme an outside line.

[Beep]

Aha-ha!

Thank you,
big green phone.

You're the one thing I'm keeping
when I torch this dump.

[Beep]

Operator, operator, operator,

Operator, operator,
operator, operator.

Woman on phone: operator.

Yeah, yeah. Could you call
those jerks at sealab

And tell them
to come get me?

Number, please?

I'm by the big
green phone.

I need a number, sir.

This is captain murphy.

I can't place the call
without a number, sir.

How about
the number one, huh?

Would you like me to connect you
to directory assistance?

[Unintelligible]

Shoo! Shoo! Go away,
monster-hesh.

Operator:
what did you call me?

Lady, I'm just trying
to find the damn pro shop.

Have you tried
the phone book?

I don't have
a phone book.

I find that
hard to believe, sir.

Look, all I want is
some sweet new ba*ls.

I beg your pardon?

Aw, clean your
ears out, woman!

I want some ba*ls!

I am reporting you
to the telephone commission.

What is your name, sir?

Uh...

Eggers.

Ha. How ya like
them apples, h*-bag?

And how do you like those
very same apples, eggers?

What the...

Oh, come on already
with the tubes.

I get it. Sweet mary,
this place is driving me nuts!

[Chirping
like a dolphin]

Aw, great. Wonderful.

[Chirping]

Let me see that
ice cream a second.

[Chirping]

There you go.

Hold it right up there.

[Chirping]

What?
What'd you call me?

Oh, that's right.
Run back to mommy

Like the little
fat kid you are.

Like the little running away
fat kid that you are.

Like a ham trying to
run away from christmas.

Phew. I could use a stiff one.

Wait a second. There was
a little bar

Right down the hall
from the pro shop.

Big fat guy ran it.

What the hell was
the name of that place?

"Stupid's"?
"Great big fat guy"?

Yeah, right,
like right down the hall.

[Rock music playing]
yeah, here we go.

Pop in and get my drink on,

Then right over to pod 6
and show 'em who's boss. Me.

Woman: whoo-hoo!

What's shakin, ' sugar?

Hey, white russians,
and keep 'em coming.

Woman: whoo! Hi.
You wanna dance with...

Hell, yeah.

[People speaking indistinctly]

Woman: whoo hoo hoo!
Yeah, buddy...

Is that stanley?

Man: what the hell
did you call me?

[Woman speaking
indistinctly]

Murphy: well, how the hell
was I supposed to know...

Woman: no, it's not.
Now, drink.

[Murphy speaking
indistinctly]

Murphy: what's your name,
big guy?

[Man speaking
indistinctly]

Murphy: down the hatch.
Yeah.

Yeah, drink it...

Man: you want a dirty drink?

No, no, no, no.
I gotta get over to pod 6,

Throw a beatin' on a guy.

No, no, no, no, no.

Honey. You keep
that, sweetheart,

And you, stanley, my man,

And as for you...
No, no, no, no, no.

All you. Looks good on ya.

All right.
Looking sharp.

Woman: whoo hoo hoo hoo!

Looking...

Hmm.

Hey, hey. Shush.
Hang on a second, will ya...

Shut up. How'd I get here?

Man: how the hell
should we know?

Is that my hat?

[People fighting,
glass breaking]

I'm going to go get monster-hesh

And come back in there and run
some serious butts to be kicked.

Kick 'em around
like ducks. Rats.

Ooh!

Damn you, eggers.

[Plaintive piano music playing]