02x03 - Hail, Squishface

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Murphy: no, no,
no, no. Nope.

You got any stuff
that doesn't suck?

Ah, captain.

You are a very
discerning customer.

I find that very
attractive in a man.

Ooh, very sexy.

I find myself totally
aroused by you.

So, nonsucky stuff...

Uh, whatcha got?

Well, could I
interest you in...

Hey! What you
got there?

Puddin' puppets?

That, my handsome
captain, is a gloop.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Gimme! Gimme!
Gimme! Gimme!

[Passes gas]

The gloops are
an ancient and

Mystical race from
the xandar dynasty...

Uh-huh. This one's
named squishface,

And we are
out of here!

Wait! There is
one rule. Wait!

Yeah, rule.
Got it.

You must never,
ever, ever

Give him liquor
of any sort.

Gonna get you
all cleaned up,

Then take you for a ride
in the murph-mobile,

Get you
a little hat.

You like puddin'?

Ha ha! Sure you do!

I love you,
squishface.

[Whines and squeaks]

Whoa!

What, did you
get some booze

In your eyes, kiddo?

A baby gloop!

Kick a*s,
mommy squishface!

[Baby gloops squeaking]

Whoa! You got knocked up
pretty good, huh?

[Gloops squeaking]

Debbie:
they're adorable.

I could eat them up
with a spoon.

Yeah.

Of course,
they taste like candy.

Wait. I thought
you only got one.

[Whispering] squishface
is a single mom.

I should probably
run some tests.

They might not be as
harmless as they look.

Don't be such a downer
all the time.

[Passes gas]

Aw! Listen
to that!

He made
a little poot!

Isn't he cute,
marco?

Yeah...

For a little
white turd.

Hey!
[Chuckles]

Check it out!
He's gigging you.

Yeah.
That's pudge.

He's the cutup.

Wow! They
turn into shapes!

Captain,
can I have one?

Man, I don't know.
Man, man, man, man.

What do you think,
squishface?

[Squeaking]

Then spread
the gloopy gospel.

Wait a minute!

These things may carry
viruses or disease.

If you can't
say anything nice,

Just do us
all a favor

And keep that big,
fat mouth of yours shut!

They could have
infectious diseases.

I'm about
to infect you

With the back
of my hand.

But...
Back of the hand!

I'll just
go see how

The kelp harvest
is coming along.

Yeah! Go on and
harvest yourself

Some more jerk plants
to live in the jerk town

That you're the...
Jerk mayor of!

Sweet! He's doing me!

I'll call him
"little white storm."

These are the cutest things
I've ever seen.

[Gloop passes gas]

A little stinky,
though.

Like ferrets.

God!
I hate ferrets!

Good luck finding
a candy-flavored ferret!

Go on! Shoo!
Shoo! Psst!

[Laughing]
hey!

Look at that!

She's doing a
little merengue!

They totally
kick a*s!

Good luck finding
a candy-flavored a*s!

Captain, is there
anything we should know?

Like, food
and stuff?

What do they
like to eat?

What don't they
like to eat?

[Laughing]
right?

[Laughing]

So, we're out
of here.

Sniff
you jerks later.

Marco: hey, sparks.

Do you know where I
can find some... Whoa!

What is that smell?

Oh, damn stink blobs!

It's like living
in a fat guy's pants in here.

[Squeaking]

Oh, what?
You gonna hit me?

Ooh!

Oh, gross, you gummy
little b*stard!

Here. You want
some of this?

Marco: hey!

Don't hit
the gloop baby.

Let go,
you little jerk!

Can't move...

Hey, hey.
Come on.

Leave him alone.

Sparks, the vaporators
are... Oh! Damn!

Wh-what's going
on in here?

Smacking
and farting.

Let go, you...
You smelly rat b*stard!

Quinn:
stop hitting him!

You're triggering

Their natural
defense mechanisms!

What? The reek
of wet a*s?

[Passes gas]

Methane sulfate.
[Passing gas]

Apparently,
they release it

When they're angry
or threatened.

Or just whenever.

[Gloops passing gas]

I bet that's what
the smell is.

[Squeaking]

Really?

Get this damn thing
off of me!

Come on, squishface.

I found a sandwich
in here... What the...

Stop that, you idiot!

You stop it!

Silence!

[Squeaking
and passing gas]

Marco: ¡dios mió!

How did you learn
to talk to them?

Murphy:
I've always known!

Somewhere deep
down inside me

Where... Where
the special place is...

Inside.

Forever.

[Gloop passing gas]

Quinn: that's touching,
but here's the deal.

All this
methane sulfate

Is overloading
the vaporators.

If the gloops stay,

We run out of air,

So it's either
us or them.

Then I vote gloops!

Well, I'm afraid
that's not an option!

Then don't
couch it as one!

Captain, come on!

Don't you
smell that?

[Gloop passes gas]

[Sniffing]

[Gloops passing gas]

I smell happiness.

You smell happiness.

Love and happiness!
Yes, I do!

I most certainly do!

Man: hello!

Hey. Hello.
Hey up there.

This is the agripod.

We... We got a little
situation down here.

My god!

The kelp harvest!

The whole
year's crop!

I think they're
getting mad

'Cause the kelp's
about gone.

Aah! Help!

Help! Oh!

Agripod, come in!

Come in!

[Gloop passes gas]

That does it!
Come on, marco.

We got to stop them.

[Laughing]
you can't stop them!

I mean, no, no.

Th-they're harmless
and sweet.

y muy, muy
precioso.

¿sí?

Murphy: see the little
dance there?

[Humming]

We've got to
exterminate them!

All they want to do
is dance and love you!

The methane sulfate
will k*ll us!

Damn it, man!
They taste like candy!

Marco,
you in or out?

Man, man!

I'm torn between
my love of gloops

And my love
of k*lling.

[Passes gas]

Ok, let's
grease them!

No! I forbid you!

This is mutiny!

I'll gut you two
from stem to stern!

This time, the seas
really will run red!

Sparks: skip.
I'll cut ya!

Skip, for god sakes,

Get ahold
of yourself!

What did you say?

Well, I mean,
come on, skip.

You're losing it.

That thing eating
your brain or what?

[Squeaking]

Oh! Oh, the horror!

Oh, the deadly aroma!

"Eating my brain."

Wh... That's rich.

Coming
from a skeleton.

Come on, squishface.

We gotta hide you.

[Passes gas]

Quinn: stay frosty,
everybody.

Stormy, you picking up
any methane?

Yeah!





Oh, man!

Debbie: I don't
see anything.

Where are they?

Marco: get ready!
I want good

Muzzle discipline,
people!

Don't worry.

I won't let them hurt
my little gloopies.

Squishface,
would you be so kind

As to pass the jam?

[Passes gas]

Ha ha ha!
You sure did!

You sure did.



Quinn: you reading
that thing right?

Shut up!
Where are they?



I need a*mo.

Debbie, outside:
I need a*mo.

Now, what's all
that racket?

Where the hell
are they?



They're right
on top of us!

Oh, my god!
The air vents!

[Passes gas]

Smoke him!

You want some
of the "q"?

Bring it!

Oh, yeah!

Aw, sweet mary!
They got pudge!

Good sweep,
crew.

Stormy,
where's the rest

Of the little
turds?

Holy bejesus!

It looks like
the mother lode!




That's it.
Just a little closer.

Two by two cover formation,
people.

Suppressing fire
from the corners.



I can totally
smell them already.




Now!

Oh, my god!

[Shouting]

Marco: fire!
Let him have it!

Yeah!
Yeah, baby!

You want some
of the "q" now?!

Marco: bang,
bang, bang!

Burn, baby!

[All yelling]

Murphy: this
is for pudge!

You're comin' down
the mississippi!

[Machine beeping]

Man: yes, but only
for a few minutes.

He needs his rest.

Oh, my god!

He's all burned!

Yes, those melting
gloops really did

Some deep
tissue damage.

Imagine, if you will,
being encased

Inside a giant
roasting marshmallow.

Really imagine it.

Do it.

Captain?

Captain,
can you hear me?

Who's that?

Quinn?

Captain, we're sorry
that we had to, um...

Marco:
hose you down

With napalm
like that.

Yeah... But I think
you learned

A valuable
lesson, right?

Ye... I did.

I... I... I can't think
of what it is right now

Because of all
the pain,

But I'm sure I
learned something.

[Coughing]

Can... Can we get
you anything?

Thirsty.
So thirsty.

Can I have
a glass of, uh...

Bourbon?

Sure thing.

We'll send the nurse in
with some liquor.

Come on,
everybody.

Marco: ok. You
give 'em hell, sir.

Eye of the tiger!

[Coughing]

Yeah. I'm thirsty.

You thirsty,
squishface?

[Passes gas]

[Laughing]

[Stops laughing]

Hi.

Yeah. Nice try, sir.

You'll, uh...

You'll probably want
to close your eyes.

Oh! Oh,
please, don't!

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.

Captioned by the national
captioning institute
www.ncicap.org...

And a 5, 6,


Shuff, tapple,
tapple, fart.

Shuff, tap...

Damn, it, kevin!

Shuff, tapple,
tapple, fart.

What's so hard
about that?

Now, again,
from the top.

And sparkle!

Shuff, tapple,
tapple, fart.

Shuff... Stop.
Just stop, kevin!

Come back when you're ready
to be a star, huh, pal?

When we open next week,
it ain't gonna be me

Up there making
a fool of myself.