01x05 - Predator

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You'd better check
Under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
Where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the Sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab
At the bottom of the sea ♪♪

Let's go get some beer.

I don't know, Zorak.

I don't think my folks

want me drinking beer.

That's why we're doing it.

Oh, all right.

That is Old Kentucky Shark,

and he has been there.

But you're swimming right now.

What I'm doing

is merely
swirling the water about.

That's not a crime.

Uh, Shake?

[CHUCKLING]
We've swam enough now.

That darn cup.

Oh, hey, Hesh.
What's up?

The huge monster
is still on the loose.

He's k*lling everybody.

Uh-huh.

Hesh fears for life.

Hesh! Help!
Archie! Archie!

[ARCHIE SCREAMING,
MONSTER ROARING]

Damn you, monster!

Hesh will find you and...

Well, what's that all about?

The monster, sir.

Ate half your crew?

Cracked open their bones?

Sucked out the marrow?

Shut up.

That hell-spawned fiend
has struck again.

Pod Six is a bloodbath.

What the heck's
going on around here?

The monster.

Don't you remember, sir?
It all started last week.

A monster has entered Sealab.
He's k*lling everyone in sight.

Aah! Ready my escape pod.

No good.

It smashed the escape pods.
We're trapped.

Aah!

Whew.

Oh, yeah. Now I remember.

So, uh...

Uh, where are we on that?

On the flesh-eating monster?

The what?

The blood-sucking alien!

I know. Gotcha.

Help!

The monster just
got another one.

The what?

Please, stop saying "the what"

when we say
"the monster."

The what?

Captain, for God's sake.

Bup, bup, bup.

Monster's on.

[MONSTER GROWLING]

I may have a plan
to k*ll the monster.

I got some of its DNA
off of Archie's bones,

and we just might be able
to k*ll it

if we change
Sealab's atmosphere.

Sparks...

Already on it.
It's Hesh.

Hesh, come in.

When I find you, I'm gonna
tickle your insides...

Hesh...

with one of Hesh's fingers.

Hesh...

I want to pull your legs off,
and I want to...

Hesh!
What?

Shut your hatch.
Okay.

Hesh, reduce the oxygen levels
by 80 percent...

Okay.

And triple the helium levels.

Okay.

I said triple the helium.

Triple it, damn you.

Okay.

[HESH PANTING]

Hey, Hesh. You see
the monster's lungs?

They won't be able
to process the helium...

[HIGH-PITCHED HELIUM VOICE]
So his cell walls

are gonna begin to collapse.

[HIGH-PITCHED
HELIUM LAUGH]

[HIGH-PITCHED HELIUM VOICE]
Listen to your...

Oh, my God.
Listen to my voice.

Hello.
My name is Mr. Squeaky.

Captain, please!
This is serious.

Hesh, give me a reading.

CAPTAIN:
Oh, yeah,

we gotta hear what
Hesh sounds like.

[VERY HIGH-PITCHED]
Um, it's yellow...

[WILD LAUGHTER]

Now it's more kind of red.

Yellow again!

Red!

Look at that crazy needle go!

[MONSTER GROWLING]

Oh!

Aah! Aah!

[MONSTER CHITTERING]

What a bust.

Hey...

[VOICE LOWERING] You got
any ideas that don't suck?

[LAUGHING]

[VOICE LOWERING]
Oh, h*. Oh.

Hey, Old Gus
has seen a lot of weird stuff.

Maybe he can help.

Hey, have you two seen Gus?

No. Just his bloody wetsuit.

And what we think was a nose.

Ew.

Well, we've got to find him...

or what's left of him.

Great idea!

We'll look in the pool.

Wait. He's not in the...

[WATER SPLASHING]

pool.

Oh, we shouldn't
have ditched Quinn.

Hey, he brought this on himself.

What?

Listen, woman,
you need to relax.

I can't relax around you.

Well, you'd better learn,

because if that monster
eats everyone else,

we'll have to repopulate Sealab.

Ugh! That's
disgusting.

Is it, Debbie?

Debbie?

What?

Is it?
Yes!

Now, quit touching my leg.

You're touching my leg.

Oh, my God, the monster!

Debbie, save me! No! Help!
Stormy, you idiot!

[SCREAMING]

Yo, doc.
Have you seen Gus?

Oh, goodness.

Come on in. He's right here.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Just talk towards the hole
in his forehead.

Oh!

That's his new ear.

Shouldn't he be in surgery?

Just came from surgery.



Where's his... face?

I would say it's in
the monster's belly

or somewhere lower
in the gastrointestinal canal,

if in fact that monster
does have one of those.

I don't know.

I don't know the anatomy
of a monster.

I know human beings,
and some of the larger canines.

Right. Gus?

You're the only one
to face the monster

and live...

kind of.

What can you tell us?
How can we defeat him?

[STRANGLED GURGLING]

Right...

[GURGLING]

Mm-hmm.

[GURGLING]

[GURGLING CONTINUES]

Uh-huh...

[GURGLING]

I'm sorry,
could you repeat that?

[GURGLING]

Right.

Sure.

Mm-hmm...

Sure.

Yes. It's just
crazy enough to work.

Thanks, Gus.

[GURGLING]

No. No, no.
You look good.

Looking good.

Looking good, Gus.

Good-looking Gus.

[GURGLING]

Yes, I'm sure you're
quite thirsty indeed,

but until the sutures have...

Oh, heavens.

Welcome to my humble surgery,

you magnificent specimen.

Yeow!

You have spit some sort
of corrosive substance

directly into my eyes.

You are a perfect
k*lling machine,

and I, for one,

am honored to be
among your helpless...

Oh!

God, you're ripping the guts...

Hey, hang tough, doc!
Right out of my body.

I'll give that monster
a lethal dose of Vitamin M.

[TO CHiPS THEME]
♪ Dun dun da-da-dah ♪

[SIREN WAILING]

Aah! Chupacabra.

Oh! Oh, my face!
Aah! Aah!

Oh, way to go, Marco.

Now the damn thing's got wheels!

[DOLPHIN BOY CLICKING]

That's why I'm
putting you in here.

It's the safest place.

Now, I've got to go

and get rid of that
mean, old monster.

[DOLPHIN SPEAK]

Nah, don't worry about me.
I'll be back.

Who's your number one buddy?
Huh? Huh?

Who's number one?

[SPEAKING DOLPHIN]

Okay. Sure.

We'll go see the turtles,
I promise.

Now, just to be extra safe,

I need you to put on
that life jacket.

[SPEAKING DOLPHIN]

[SQUISHING]

Hey. Looking sharp.

[CLICKING]

CAPTAIN: So
it's just us three

and the fat kid?

Yeah, but don't worry.

This plan is foolproof.

How's that go again?

Using Dolphin Boy as bait,

we lure the monster
into the reactor core...

Nice touch with the meat vest.

[CLICKING]

That's right, fatstuff.
Shake those chins.

Then we divert the coolant flow,
the core overheats, and zap.

The monster gets
a lethal dose of radiation.

What about little butterchubs
there?

Who cares?
Right.

Sparks, can...

Can you get a wider angle
on that fat little pumpkin?

Hang on.

Somebody spilled...

Oh, chocolate chip juice

on my electronics over here.

I just gotta...

[ZAPPING, GRUNTING]

Jeez, way to go, Sparks.

You broke the monitor,
and you're dead.

Happy?

Oh, okay.
That fixed it.

He's... Look.
Look, look.

He's taking the bait.

[CLICKING]

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

CAPTAIN: Look!

The monster's repulsed

by the very fatness
of Dolphin Boy's touch.

But Captain, the...
Bup, bup, bup.

Don't you get it?

All we have to do is
get disgustingly fat.

Then the monster won't eat us.

To the pudding vats!

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

[PREDATOR SPEAKING]

QUINN: I-I don't know
about your plan

to get really fat, sir.

I think... Quinn.

Yes, sir?

Is there ever a bad time

for pudding?

Quinn...

What?

Is there?

[CHEWING]

Hey.

Try one of those hams.

They're stuffed with hot wings.

Captain, I can't keep
eating like this,

and for all we know,
the monster's long gone.

The only thing
I want to hear out of you is...

[CHEWING]

Yes, sir.
[BELCHES]

Too bad about
Dolphin Boy, though.

Oh, yeah, he tasted terrible.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[FARTS]

Oh, oh, oh. Stop.

My left arm is tingling.

Well, maybe this'll help.

[FARTS]

Seriously...

I'm having...

a heart attack.

Quinn?

[CHAIR WHEELS SQUEAKING]

If you don't want me to eat you,

say something.

Okay.

[CHOMPING]