01x14 - Leather Jacket Hailey/In a Pinch

[bunniefuu]

[tense music playing]

[grunting]

[gasps] Eureka!

Find a penny, pick it up,

all day long
you'll have good luck.

- [wristwatch beeping]
- Not enough luck, apparently.

There must be more coins
in there.

But nothing's in here! Ha ha!

Who knew "Get All the Coins
Out of Dad's Couch"

would be such
a hard list item to finish?

Yeah, why are there
so many coins in it?

It doesn't make any sense!

Get it? Like dollars
and cents? Huh?

Puns are the lazy man's comedy.

Thanks, Beta!

Well, my dad has had this couch
since before I was born,

and he wears a lot of shorts,

so I guess it makes sense
it's full of change.

- Uh, among other things.
- [flamingo belches]

Wait, is this
your birth certificate?

I, uh-- We better get
everything out of here.

Mom says she's getting rid
of dad's couch on Friday.

- [groceries flop]
- [Kai exclaims]

Mom's getting rid
of my couch on Friday?

Ah, whoops. [chuckles] Surprise!

Honey, remember last year,
when we agreed

you could have one year
to get rid of that eyesore?

It's time.

But you can buy
something even nicer

with all the change
Hailey found in there.

Something that doesn't have--
random green stains on it.

[clunky strum]

Uncle Chunk's chunk stain?

But that's my favorite stain!

It's from the first time
Uncle Chunk tried guacamole.

- [groans]
- See, he only liked the chunks.

That's how he got his name,
Uncle Guac.

- [sighs deeply]
- It didn't stick.

[school bell rings]

[Hailey] Okay.

So I think we can get
all the coins out

if I invent a machine
that flips the couch upside down

and then shakes it.

Or we could just get a vacuum
and suck the coins out?

Scott, that's...

actually really smart.

It is?!

Wait, why did you
sound so surprised?

Wait, why did
I sound so surprised?

♪ She's charming, she's fab ♪

♪ She's the essence
of crab, her aura... ♪

- ♪ A stench of sardine ♪
- [Hailey] Oh, no, Miss Jackson!

She always has another
"very important Crab Queen duty"

- to tell me about--
- [Miss Jackson] Hailey!

I have another very important

Crab Queen duty
to tell you about!

As I'm sure you know,

Oceanside's big homecoming
tetherball game is coming up.

- It's the biggest game
of the year!
- [Scott] Wouldn't miss it!

And, of course, it is tradition
for the Crab Queen to be there

and present our school mascot,

Clawdia!

- [Hailey] Whoa!
- There she is!

I'm a huge fan, Clawd-- Ow!

Aww, that means she likes you!

As I'm sure you also know,

every year since 1958,
Clawdia has given

her signature "lucky wave"
during the big tetherball game,

inspiring the team to victory!

It's the Crab Queen's duty
to prep Clawdia

and escort her to the event.

I've had that honor
for the past 22 years.

[sniffs]

But now it's your turn, Hailey.

Eh, this sounds like a job
for my co-Queen, Joanne Droid.

I'm afraid Joanne
is unavailable.

She's back in Canada,
doing Canadian things.

[beavers chittering]

So it's all up to you, Hailey!

Deep breath, Veronica.

Remember what Dr. Fisher said.

Change is good.

[deep inhale, exhale]

Also, Clawdia
is easily stressed,

so it is imperative you keep
her relaxed, or she will--

Get "crabby"?

Puns are
the lazy man's comedy, Scott.

But yes, if she's stressed,

she will not wave well
at the game.

Just like at the tetherball
fiasco of 1982.

[Scott]
Whoa, a hundred years ago?

[record scratch]

This is why you're
failing math, Scott.

Anyway, good luck,

and I'll see you
at the big game!

Mwah.

Keep it together, Veronica.

She's going to be okay.

You're going to be okay.

[sobs]

[exclaims] This is... a lot!

I can help, Hailey.

It can't be that hard
to take care of a crab.

Ow!

- [crab clamping]
- [Scott] Ow!

- [vacuum whirring]
- [Scott] Ah!

She's pinching me again!

[Beta chuckles]
You do have a pinch-able face!

- That is true,
- [whirring ceases]

but the sound of the vacuum
must be stressing her out.

So, maybe can you take Clawdia
somewhere else?

- Keep her calm?
- But she might pinch me again!

And not on my face!

That just means
she likes you, remember?

[whirring resumes]

Outside, we go.

[Kai] There she is!

The sparkle in my eye.

- Aw, thanks, Dad.
- [whirring ceases]

Oh, hi, Hailey.
Didn't see you there.

- [whirring resumes]
- Huh? [groans]

- Ew! What is that?
- [whirring ceases]

[Kai] It's my couch potato!

It was the potato
decorating party of 2017.

Uncle Marty had just published

- his first cookbook, and...
- whirring resumes]

You are stressed.

Let's get you crablaxed!

♪ Like two peas in a pod ♪

- [rings bell]
- ♪ I got you by my side... ♪

- [Scott grunting]
- ♪ We're a team ♪

- [Scott laughing]
- ♪ I love how we get along ♪

♪ Like a burger and fries ♪

♪ Through highs and the lows ♪

♪ We're still shining
like gold-- ♪

- [waitress gasps, thuds]
- [Scott sighs]

- [hydraulics whirring]
- [Hailey grunting]

- [gasps, scoffs]
- [wristwatch beeps]

[Beta beeping, whirring]

[Beta] Still one coin left,
and it's really wedged in there.

Crank up the shaker!

[lever clicking]

[loud thudding]

- [wristwatch beeping]
- Ugh, that was supposed to work.

Scott, where's Clawdia?

We need to get
to the tetherball game soon.

She's soaking in the tub.

I ran her a nice hot bath.

Great!

[sniffs]
Is mom cooking seafood soup?

Wait. Did you say hot bath?

- [tense music plays]
- How hot?!

[both exclaim]

Oh, no! Clawdia!

She's too relaxed!

She's just sleeping!

Right? Right?!

Yeah! Yeah.

She was just sleeping
face down in this tub!

Time to wake up, Clawdia!
Wake up!

- [phone ringing]
- [Hailey] Huh?

[gasps] It's Miss Jackson!

Don't answer it!

But then she'll think
something's wrong!

Someone less observant
than us might worry

Clawdia's not sleeping,
even though she clearly is!

Just keep trying
to wake her up!

[phone beeps on]

Hailey! Three rings!

I thought something
was wrong.

Ah. I see Scott is getting
Clawdia all warmed up

for her big appearance.

- [Scott exclaims]
- Yes!

- She's having a claw-some time.
- [objects clattering]

[chuckles] So much fun.

But not too much fun, of course,

because Clawdia
misses you so much.

- Thank you, Hailey.
- [Scott screams]

- I needed to hear that.
- [clattering continues]

Well, I'll see you
at the big game in an hour.

Don't be late!

[Scott exclaims]
She's still not waking up!

What do we do?

I'll get in trouble if she
doesn't wave at the game!

[Scott gasps]

I think my weekend
at the Monrovia Marionette Camp

is finally going
to come in handy.

[dance music playing]

- [mic feedback]
- [Jonathan sighs]
The Oceanside Crabs

are down 50 points
and need some inspiration!

Fortunately,
my handsome boyfriend, Thad,

is coming to the pole.

Let's see if the he can
tether this storm.

- [crowd applauding]
- He cannot.

This is as disappointing as
our last Valentine's Day dinner.

[mic feedback]

Don't ask.

[Jonathan] The team's spirits
are at an all-time low

without our famed mascot,
Clawdia here to inspire them.

Our Crab Queen
has let us all down.

- [Hailey] Wait!
- [both gasp]

I, Hailey Banks,

co-Crab Queen,
finally present to you,

Clawdia the Crab!

[crowd gasping]

[gasps]

Is it working?

I think so!

- You're good!
- Thanks!

[cheering, applause]

- [bones cracking]
- Ha!

- [hyper dance music playing]
- ♪ Go, go, let's go ♪

♪ Go, go, let's go ♪

That marionette camp
was only for one weekend?

♪ Go, go, go, let's go ♪

You're doing too much!

You have to make it believable!

What are you talking about,
Hales?

The crowd
is getting super inspired!

That's the point, right?

♪ People, are you ready? ♪

[cheering intensifies]

Hailey, what is all of this?
[gasps]

You taught her to dance?

Even I could never
teach her to dance,

even though I tried.

Oh, how I tried.

- I'm sorry, Miss Jackson.
- [Scott] Whew!

- But can I be for real?
- [Scott] Hailey!

What? [gasps]

- [dance music continues]
- ♪ Go, go, let's go ♪

- [cheering continues]
- ♪ Go, go, let's go ♪

Good job, Thadypoo!

Just 50 more to win!

- You were saying?
- Just that...

it was a pleasure
taking care of Clawdia.

I'm glad
she didn't give you any trouble.

Clawdia is so old, sometimes
she randomly falls asleep

for long periods of time,

scaring people
into thinking she's super dead.

[Miss Jackson chuckles]
Isn't that funny?

[cheering continues]

Well, another
list item completed.

- [wristwatch beeping]
- Oh, wait!

This wasn't even a list item.

I've gotta get that last coin
out of my dad's couch!

Actually, Miss Jackson,

do you mind if I
crab-sit Clawdia
just a little longer?

Okay. This is a test, Veronica.

Make Dr. Fisher proud.

Sure, Hailey!

[feigned laughter]

It's totally cool. [chuckles]

[tense music playing]

[funky espionage music playing]

[claw clamps]

[Hailey] Whoo-hoo!

- [wristwatch beeps]
- List item completed!

- [thudding nearby]
- And just in time.

[Kai sobbing]

Oh, honey.

Let the nice workers
take the couch.

I'll warm up the seafood soup
I made you last night.

That'll make you feel better.

Sorry. He's really attached.

Look! Remember our agreement?

You can pick a new couch!

Any one you want.

Yeah, Dad!

No. No. No.

[gasps] Oh!

This one's perfect!

- And... buy!
- [phone beeps]

[phone vibrates]

- Wait--
- You said any couch.

And this one
just went up for sale!

[scoffs] That's not what I--

- [Hailey giggles]
- [scoffs] Whatever.

[flamingo squawks]

[all grunt]